Italic – for thoughts.
Italic and underline – for Yaya’s written lines.
Bold – for shouting.
Underline – for Yaya’s mouthed lines.
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Amane: What is it about you?
Yesterday, I had asked Hikari if she would like me to talk to her best friend, Nanto Yaya. Although to be very honest, I’m actually quite anxious about doing so, because if I recall correctly, my first meeting with the girl was barely civil…
It was one of those rare afternoons, where almost everyone who watches me practice has something they cannot leave in order to watch me, where I could actually enjoy my ride in peace. Then I spotted her, leaning on the tree where Hikari and I first met. She looked like she had her head in the clouds, apparently very deep in thought. There was this gloomy air around her, like something incredibly bad had happened and that she is at a lost on how to fix it.
Normally I wouldn’t have approached her like this, it was out of character for me, but then I recalled that I had approached someone before… Hikari. I know this and that aren’t the same. This girl wasn’t singing, nor was it a misty morning… the only similarity was that this girl was also depressed, maybe more than Hikari was then. And with those thoughts in mind I had found myself ordering Star Bright to walk towards the raven haired girl.
“You’re…” I called out to her; I was almost surprised that her expression suddenly changed. She looked at me and slowly approached the fence, she looked almost angry or she was angry. Why? I do not know. “Hikari-kun’s friend right?” I asked, and expected that she’d introduce herself. It was careful question and safe conversation starter. I choose it because neither of us had been introduced to each other, although I do not doubt she knows my name.
“Hikari is at the Saintly Chorus practice right now.” She informed me in a cold tone. But I knew as much, Hikari had informed me on her entire schedule for the rest of the semester after she had asked for mine. With that aside, her attitude bothered me a little bit and I was disappointed that she had decided not to introduce herself to me. Although as a sports woman, I am used to dealing with difficult people… but she was an exception, she was Hikari’s friend. The last thing I’d want to do is make an enemy of her.
I decided to continue the conversation; I knew that she was part of the school’s choir herself so I asked: “Aren’t you also part of the Saintly Chorus?” I didn’t really mean anything by it.
She looked at me with cold eyes and answered a simple; “…Yes…”
It scared me a little to think that the way that she had said it felt almost dead. But I could feel her struggling with her emotions. I decided to drop the matter… Everyone wants to skip their duties once in a while. I’m no different sometimes.
“Are you interested in horseback riding?” I asked in an attempt to change the topic, maybe even offer her a ride. I thought to myself that maybe she just needed some cheering up. I thought that this was a good chance to look good in the eyes of Hikari’s best friend, at least that’s how I wished it to happen.
But she said to me; “No… Not at all…” Frankly, her cold voice shattered some of my hope in becoming her friend, but I could feel that she was hurting. And for some reason… I felt guilty. While looking into her amber eyes, I found it almost impossible to break eye contact. Honestly… I gave up, for now. As they say: You win some, you lose some. I know that all too well that I cannot please everyone.
“That’s quite a shame.” I said as I lowered my hat to cover my eyes and break eye contact. I bid her goodbye as I kept my head lowered, not daring to look at her eyes again unless I wanted to be entranced by it all over again. I ordered Star Bright to turn around and walk away.
I didn’t know why, but looking at her made my heart beat faster. It was painful in a way, yet pleasant in another. Almost as pleasant as the way I feel when I look at Hikari, but the painful feeling I get every time I see or remember Nanto-san since then confuses me.
That was my memory of my first meeting her. It was so different from my first meeting with Hikari. The way she looked into my eyes with the cold, sad air around her haunted me that day… so much that I had wondered what I would do if I were to meet her again.
Unbeknownst to myself, I was about to get my chance. It was lunch time, and I had time to spare… or waste depending on how one would look at it. Though I could have probably used it for practice instead… but something, sometime before I even went to my horse told me that I should make good with what I had said to Hikari.
I was actually looking for Nanto-san just now, when I saw someone walking up to me. I smiled as I realized it was Hikari-chan.
“Hello Hikari.” I greeted her. She looked flushed, but I’m quite sure it wasn’t mostly because of her shyness.
“Amane-sempai, have you eaten lunch yet?” She asked while twiddling with her fingers.
“No I haven’t. I was looking for Nanto-san.” I watched her blue eyes open a bit in surprise.
“I told you I would try to talk to her, didn’t I?” I said to remind her of my promise to her. She lightly gasped as she seemed to have remembered what I said last night. She then nodded and smiled.
“She’s over there…” She turns and points to the direction she came from. And true enough I saw the raven haired girl standing there, writing something in her notebook.
I placed a hand on Hikari’s shoulder, giving it a gentle and hopefully reassuring squeeze. “Wish me luck.” She nodded and gave me a soft smile before I walked up to Nanto-san.
She was about to leave something on the table. I saw the name “Hikari” on the folded paper on her hand. ‘A note perhaps?’ that thought led me to believe that she was still avoiding Hikari, that or something else that didn’t cross my mind till later... which was probably letting Hikari to be alone with me.
“Nanto-san.” I called very politely, almost like she was someone’s parent or guardian. I was surprised when she turned to me and flashed me a soft smile that I swear made my heart skip a few beats. I originally thought that she didn’t like me based on our first meeting. She must have been having a bad day or maybe it was that time of the month for her, but whatever the reason I’m glad it’s over. She then opens her notebook and begins to write something... It was then that I saw her expression change for a second and I immediately felt that she was about to attempt to avoid a conversation with me. I decided that I wouldn’t wait for her to do so.
“Please follow me. I would like to talk to you.” ‘Perhaps that came out wrong…’ I thought as I saw her smile almost fade from her face. I noticed her look far behind me. She seemed lost in thought for a moment that is, until I saw her smile a bit sourly and pocket the note she was intending to leave before I called her, she then waved to Hikari before following me.
A lot of our schoolmates were looking, but I paid it no mind… I was used to the attention and she probably was too. I led her outside the school. I wanted to bring her to the spot where we first met, by that memorable tree that she and Hikari seem to find rather comfortable leaning on. In a way, I wanted to erase the not so good memory of our first meeting… that is if this talk will be any better. I looked around and was glad to find no one else around, at least not that I could see. I wouldn’t want a simple meeting to explode into a full scale gossip like last year.
“Sit down.” I told her as I sat myself on the bench-like rock under the tree’s shade. It suddenly occurred to me that the way I had said that didn’t seem very polite or nice at all. I must be very nervous… I might be trying to scare her… even unconsciously, but I don’t know why.
She took her time to stand and look around… needless to say, probably her way of rebelling against my commanding requests, before sitting down a good three feet away from me. I looked at her, but she didn’t seem like she was going to look at me anytime soon. I am beginning to wonder why I wanted to talk to her again... other than it was for Hikari. Unfortunately the best reason that I could come up with was ‘There’s something about her…’ what it was… is still very vague to me.
I just stared at her, examining her from head to toe. I noted that the smile she held while we were in the cafeteria was gone, replaced by a cold, sad, indifferent stare towards the sky. I found myself studying her features; her lustrous raven hair was slightly unkempt showing signs that she had barely been brushing it. Her mystifying amber eyes were surrounded by dark circles under her eye lids, an obvious sign of not sleeping enough or fatigue. Her cream colored skin seemed a little pale. Sakura pink lips that were a little dry and showed some signs of being chewed on. And a lovely figure, though I get this feeling that she’s a little thinner than the last time I saw her.
If I had to describe the feeling she gives out, in a few words… I would say she’s like a ‘Fallen Angel’. An angel, who had committed a sin be it by her choice or otherwise, and was cast out of heaven.
To be quite honest, I’m actually afraid or perhaps nervous to speak to her right now. She’s giving me this feeling that she could attack me at anytime. I almost deeply regret asking her to come and sit with me, or at least the way I did… had I not done that would she be reacting differently towards me? But then again, maybe I’m just scaring myself here. I mean this person is Hikari’s friend… I can’t imagine her having someone as scary as the person I’m imagining as her friend.
After a while, I began thinking that I was taking to long. She wasn’t showing any signs that she was getting impatient… but then again she wasn’t showing any signs at all.
So I forced myself to say something; “I know our first meeting…” However, I was so anxious that I couldn’t finish that sentence, even though I thought the words seemed appropriate to start our conversation. I had expected her to at least look at me or just do something, but like moments ago she didn’t show any signs of interest or disinterest in being here. She simply continued looking out towards the sky.
But then she opened her notebook. At first I thought she was going to write something to say to me like; ‘What did you drag me here for?’ or ‘I should get going’ or ‘Bye’. But to my surprise she began drawing. I slowly inched closer to her and watched her skillful hands draw the scene of the school’s horse ranch. I found myself admiring her work and learning something about her. I was told that she was the choir’s ace, but now I see that she has other talents… ‘I wonder if Hikari knows that her best friend can draw this well.’
“You’re good at that.” I complemented her absently, continuing to watch her hands gracefully dance on the notebook’s printed paper.
She turned to look at me and gasped in surprise, dropping the notebook as her body suddenly jumped away from me. She had lost her balance and was falling to the ground. Thinking quickly, I caught her left wrist, but I only managed to lessen the impact of her fall.
Her eyes were closed as she tried to recover from the pain. I didn’t know why but her pained expression made me feel warm inside, it was an odd feeling that I didn’t understand, at least not then. I then noticed a wet feeling around my finger as I held her wrist, I almost cried out as I saw that my nail had dug and scratched her skin causing her to bleed.
“You’re bleeding.” I kneeled in front of her. I felt embarrassed somehow, like I was being watched. But there wasn’t time for me to worry about that now. I kissed her wrist, suckled and licked the wound to get it clean. I had done this for myself and friends when we had to wait for the first aid kit; I had simply acted like I usually do in the given situation. But oddly enough, I felt very… happy to be touching her like this.
I was surprised when she suddenly pulled her hand away. I looked up at her, worried that she might have been in more pain. But instead I saw an angry look in her eyes that almost felt like she could burn me from the inside out. It took me a few seconds to notice the angry snarl and a deep blush that accented just how angry she was… it was then that a new concern came to me…
‘What if she hates me? No! I don’t want her to hate me! ... Wait… why?’
I told myself; ‘That was a stupid question… Hikari’s best friend that’s why!’
‘Please don’t hate me…’
‘Was that all there was to it?’ I asked myself, I felt more and more confused of how I thought of this girl.
And in the end… all I could say to myself was; ‘I don’t know…’
‘But please don’t hate me…’
Those thoughts alone passed thru my head quickly, I could feel my whole being begging her or God not to hate me as I stared into her eyes. I quickly decided that I had to apologize.
I offered my hand to help her stand up. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…” but she just slapped my hand away, cutting off my attempt to apologize to her. To say that I was surprised was an understatement. I absently watched her stand up on her own, dust off her uniform of the soil and dirt that got on it, and pick up her notebook. She then looked at me… she just looked at me… staring straight into my eyes, like I did hers. Our eyes locked for only a few seconds, but it felt far longer than that. She then bowed; it was the smallest bow I’ve seen… I feared that it meant "goodbye!" I was correct in my fears.
To my surprise, she sharply turned around and began walking away. Each step she took made my chest feel heavier and tighter. It was incredibly painful, like… like… I don’t really know what I could compare it with. I didn’t know how or why. I have never met anyone that could make me feel this way. Not wanting it to end like that, I sprinted to catch up with her. When I did, I quickly placed my hand and held onto her shoulder, crying out; “Wait a minute!” almost begging her to stay.
She turns her head a little to the side and for a moment our eyes met again. The same angry glow of her face was still there. Looking away she immediately shrugs my hand off her and continues walking away.
“Please wait! Yaya-san.” I desperately begged her to stop. I grabbed her wrist not really noticing that it was her injured one yet, or maybe I should say I had forgotten and didn’t care. All that mattered at the moment was making her stay. I heard her notebook dully hit the grass on the ground, but the sound was enough to make me realize that she was shaking in pain.
To my horror she faced me again with that furious expression... I saw her lips move and say; “I… hate… you.”
Those silent words had hurt me more than the stinging pain that came after when her right hand slapped me. I just stared at her. My lips trembled as I held my left cheek. I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t find the words. I was completely stunned, and didn’t have the faintest idea what to do.
I watched her turn around and head back to the school. I wanted to catch her again, to apologize or at least try, but my legs wouldn’t obey me. All I could do was watch her as she slowly stomped her way back to the school while her blood occasionally tricked down from her hand.
I fell on my knees when she was out of sight. I was out of it for a while. My mind continuously replayed the moments when her lips moved to say those painful words… over and over. It was the second time that I’ve failed talking to her… and right now I felt like giving up.
After a few moments, I heard footsteps approach me. I looked up to see Fujino Shizuru, a classmate of mine, carrying a first aid kit. She looked at me with a mixture of worry and intrigue that she didn’t hide in the slightest. Behind her stood Kuga Natsuki, an underclassman and a club mate.
‘I guess I was right about the feeling of being watched.’ I said to myself.
Shizuru kneeled in front of me and checked my still very red cheek. “I’m happy to see that there are actually still some people immune to your charm, Amane-san.” She teased. I didn’t bother answering her. Although I know that she means well, she just likes to be very sarcastic about it.
“Who was that girl?” I heard Natsuki ask.
“Nanto Yaya.” Shizuru answered for me. “I believe she’s in the Saintly Chorus. I’m sure you’ve seen her a few times.” She began wiping a strong but pleasant smelling and cold ointment on my stinging cheek.
“Yeah, but I don’t usually bother getting their member’s names.” Natsuki began helping me up to my feet as soon as Shizuru had finished.
I then noticed the notebook that Nanto-san left. I picked it up and stared at it absently, while my mind seemed to automatically replay the events that had just transpired. I was probably looking for some absolution, that it wasn’t me that caused her to angrily stomp away, but I couldn’t find any.
“Was it that bad a rejection?” Shizuru asked, any other day her sarcasm wouldn’t have much of an effect on me nor would I consider answering her seriously. But today, it did and I did.
“Maybe…” I mumbled softly causing Natsuki and Shizuru to look at me and then each other, seemingly confused about my reply.
I opened the notebook, wondering what was in it. I saw the many things that she had written; the greetings, apologies to Hikari, explanation of her absence, answers to teacher’s question, and drawings… most of which were crude and childish drawings, possibly made just to waste time or to clear a train of thought. But some were exquisite sketches wasted on thin notebook paper. I had hoped that there was something that could explain her hostility against me. I was really dying to know and I couldn’t simply let this go.
They lead me back to the horse barn. Inside there is a room with two beds, used by the ones who are on night duty for a few days.
“You should rest for a while.” Shizuru said as she pushes me down to one of the beds.
“I’m fine.” I argued. It was almost time for classes and even though I haven’t eaten lunch yet we should be getting back.
“You’re shaking you know.” Had she not mentioned it, I wouldn’t have noticed that I was. I looked down at my hands and legs, and true enough, I was shaking… very badly. “So just put your feet up a while and lie down, while we wait for Natsuki to buy you some Lunch.”
I nodded in defeat. It’s not so bad to skip classes once in a while, and I definitely don’t want anyone to see this slap mark. I’m sure that everyone will make a big deal out of it. “Can you guys keep what happened a while ago a secret?”
Shizuru raised an eyebrow and looked at me inquisitively. “I guess so. But… why?”
A frowning smile crept up my lips. “I don’t want to bring her anymore trouble, I think she’s got enough problems already.” I told them. It was true that I didn’t want to bring her more trouble, and despite all that had happened I still want to get to know her and maybe help her, like I did for Hikari.
I lost myself in thought for a while.
“Hmmm…”
I thought that I had been staring out at nowhere, but when I broke out of my thoughts… I realized that Shizuru’s face was just inches away from mine own and her eyes stared deeply into mine.
“What is it…?” I asked, hoping that it would get her to stop staring at me.
She then asked, in a rather cold voice. “Are you serious about her?”
“Huh?” was the only response that came out, aside for the feeling of my cheeks heating up. I was surprised at her question and didn’t quite know how to respond. There was just something about Nanto-san that made me feel odd. I can’t really explain it. For now the best that I could probably describe it, is that I’m longing to see her, touch her... I’m also a bit scared of her, and terrified that she’ll hate me even more.
“Hmm…” she suddenly smiled. I hate it when she does that, it’s quite creepy. “What about Konohana-san?”
I could feel that she was trying to get at something, but she tends to be vague about things she wants to say, not to mention sarcastic about it.
“What are you getting at?” I asked her with an annoyed tone. I wish she would just come right out and say it at times. ‘Why does she take so much pleasure in toying with other people’s heads?’
“I’m just saying… to choose the right one. You don’t want to hurt either one right?” She gave me a reassuring smile then patted my hand.
I wanted to tell her that it wasn’t like that… but knowing her she’ll find a way to say that it is. Twisting my words enough to make even myself believe that it were true. So I decided to simply smile and nod to satisfy her.
Natsuki then came back with some sandwiches and a can of juice. I thanked her and Shizuru for all they did for me. They left for class after that, leaving me alone in the Horse Barn’s sleeping quarters with my thoughts.
I pondered about Nanto-san a little more while I ate. I recalled that Hikari did not really talk about Nanto-san all that much until she lost her voice. The only information I knew is that they’re best friends, that Nanto-san looks out for and supports her, and that she’s the choir’s ace. Other than I know she can draw very well, I knew nothing about her… What does she like? What’s her real personality like? How did she act around Hikari before she lost her voice? I could go on forever…
I woke up… realizing that I had drifted off to sleep, maybe it’s from thinking too much.
Classes should over by now, I felt a little bad for skipping, but then again, I felt refreshed after that unplanned nap. So I guess it was ok. I checked my face in the mirror and was glad that most of the redness in my cheek had disappeared.
Just then Natsuki re-entered the room, wearing her horse riding uniform and carrying my bag. “I brought your things. How is your cheek?” She didn’t really sound all that concerned, but that was simply how Natsuki was: blunt, rude, but nice.
“It’s better now. Thank you.” She just nodded and placed the bag on the bed. She left the room soon after saying that she would ride Duran, her horse, again. I followed her out shortly, saddled Star Bright and rode out to practice.
It was peaceful for a while; we were able to ride without the countless squealing fans, which did not last long. Before I realized it there were a lot of our schoolmates watching us. I tried my best to ignore them, which was hard since I was also looking for Hikari among the crowd.
Practice ended without me seeing her. I rushed out of the stables to look for Hikari soon after feeding Star Bright, but she wasn’t anywhere to be found. A flood of terrible thoughts rushed into my head, as I sat on the rock bench under the tree. Like ‘If Nanto-san told her what I did.’ or ‘If Nanto-san was angry enough to slander me.’ or ‘What if that cut I accidentally gave her was worse than it looked?...’
I would have gone on and on… but then I heard footsteps behind me.
“Amane-sempai.” I heard the angel’s call, rescuing me from my terrible thoughts. I turned to see Hikari, with a sad smile on her face. And for a moment… I forgot what I had been worrying about.
To be continued…
Author’s Notes: Yes! Fujino Shizuru and Kuga Natsuki from Mai-Hime! Hehe ;; I originally thought to just make names up… but having characters from other Animes making a Cameo seemed much more fun! XD
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