Author’s Notes:
Italic – for thoughts.
Italic and underline – for Yaya’s written lines.
Bold – for shouting.
Underline – for Yaya’s mouthed lines.
I should have made this clear when I started… oh well ;;
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Yaya: Hiding my feelings
I slept early yesterday, right after dinner. Why? ... Now that I asked myself, I probably just felt awkward and pathetic not being able to speak, and I got used to this early routine after avoiding Hikari the past week. Now it’s just 4am and I'm already wide awake, I remain laid on my bed hoping to fall asleep again. I released a quiet sigh as I looked at my roommate's sleeping face.
'She's so cute' instantly popped into my head. I had to mentally kick myself to keep me from daydreaming...
I really have to get over her.
I then forced myself to turn to my other side so that I would be facing the wall beside my bed. It wasn't as appealing to look at compared to Hikari's sleeping face, but this was for the best. She has Amane-san now, and it seems that their relationship is beginning to develop... what kind of a friend am I, if I interfered with that. What kind of friend was I for trying to take her like that? I still can barely believe I did what I did that night.
I recalled that something like this happened the day after Hikari and I made up. No! That would be an understatement. Those were exactly the thoughts that I had that day. I hated myself for what I did. I regret that maybe... even after she said we'll be best friends forever... That eventually she will become distant from me. And I can only blame myself for that.
I felt like crying, nothing new. But I can’t chance Hikari seeing me cry! I'm sure that would hurt her. I decided to take shower. Sure it was early and the water would probably be freezing cold at the start. But at least I could cry in there a while. I got up, got my uniform ready and stepped into the bath.
I was right the water was cold, my teeth chattered for a few seconds before the water began warming up. I just stared down at drain, letting my tears mix with the warming water. I was crying... very hard… and if it wasn't for me loosing my voice. Hikari would probably have heard me now. I slowly got down to my knees, my legs just felt weak. As if loosing all will to stand at all… and just cried.
I stepped out of the shower probably about 30 minutes later. I felt a little better. At the very least enough not to break down like that in public. I then dried off and changed into my uniform. It was still so early, but I decided I didn't want to stay in this room or to be more accurate too close to Hikari. Just looking at her increases the guilt and pain I feel. I gathered my things into my bag except for the new notebook, which I would probably need to use a lot. I stepped out of the room quietly, even slowly closing the door so that the lock won’t make a sound. From there I had walked into the barely lit dining room.
It was nice to know that there were people awake this early, even if it were the keepers and cooks. I left my things at my usual chair only taking the new notebook with me. I knocked at the kitchen, and was greeted by the head cook. "Ah! Good morning! Can I help you?" she greeted me with a smile. I was able to quickly glance down at her name tag just so I spelled her name right then wrote 'Good Morning Tendo-san! I'm sorry to disturb you so early in the morning. But do you have anything ready to eat?'
The brown haired lady seemed surprised about me writing my response and was about to ask about it, but seemed to have decided to get me something to eat first. She grabbed some chopped up ham and onions and a few green vegetables from the bowls that the kitchen helpers were filling. Placed about a dozen slices bread on the toaster and broke a few of eggs. She then began making an omelet which would probably be enough for a few people; the aroma was almost making me drool.
She then called everyone to stop what ever their doing and have breakfast. She then handed me a plate with a serving of Mixed Ham and vegetable Omelet a few toasts and a special Hollandaise sauce that just made my morning. She asked me to accompany her for a while I had no reason to say no. She then asked me why I was using my notebook. I then wrote about having some problems with my throat that might make me mute for a while. Even I really didn't know the reason; just that it wasn't something about my vocal cords but that I left out of my explanation.
She seemed to have bought it. I felt a little bad for hiding things, but I would probably have a lot more trouble explaining that I have no idea what's wrong with me either. I continued eating the delicious breakfast that the cook had given me. She then spared me by not inquiring about my voice. Instead she began asking my name, how old I was, what classes I like, did I like being in Spica. I answered them all in writing of course. She then asked me what club was I in. I guess she kind of guess what when had my hand rub my throat.
She moved the topic to the sauce she served with the omelet, asking if I liked it. I didn’t really know why but I found myself feeling lively enough to answer her, I wrote with a big smile 'I loved it! It really made my morning! Thank You!' I then saw a glint in her eyes. "Yaya-chan Do you like cooking?" She asked smiling at me. I nodded and wrote that I wasn't bad at it.
"Well if you like you're welcome to come in the kitchen and I can teach you some." I was surprised by her offer and I have to say a little reluctant. "You don't have to decide now." I'm guessing she could see my hesitation; I could only smile and write a message that I'll think about it. It could be something to keep my mind of Hikari, though I'll probably end up with a few cuts and burns if I do. Much to my surprise I find myself silently giggling at the thought.
She cleaned up our plate, I couldn't voice out that I will to clean up for her for obvious reasons. But she said something about me making the best of my morning. I bowed to thank her; she smiled and waved as she disappeared back into the kitchen.
I then headed to school. I must be crazy to be at school at 5:15 am. I decided to drop by the school's infirmary, just incase the nurse left the note somewhere easy to see. I arrived much to my surprise to see the nurse actually there. I had written a page for 'Good Morning!' in my notebook. I could see the nurse's sleepy smile when I showed it to her. "Good Morning! Nanto-san. Here's the note for you to show your teachers." She handed the folded piece of paper to me. I took it and bowed softly as thanks. I opened it and checked the contents. Not that I didn't trust the nurse, I just wanted to know what I said so I can back the letter up if I need to.
The letter describes that I'm suffering from some sort of throat ailment and that the nurse is incapable of medicating it but sees that it will not a big hindrance for me to attend class. Though she advices that I am to see a doctor in the city when I have the time.
I wrote 'Thank You this will do fine.' She then smiles and tells me "You're welcome, Nanto-san. Oh yes… I have called the doctor, and have asked for an appointment is Saturday a good time?"
I thought about it for a bit, I usually hang out with Hikari on weekends. We'd do our homework and projects together, then practice our singing or just simply enjoy each other's company. But after I had I thought about it... I don't really have much to do this weekend except homework. I sadly turned to the nurse and nodded. She smiled at my approval and said that she'll inform me of the time later. I bowed and left the room.
I entered the classroom, immediately heading for my seat. I noticed quite a pile of papers placed in my drawer, surely all the printouts for all the lectures I missed. I browsed thru them and tried to answer as much as I can, when I got stuck at something I take short breaks and draw something on my notebook.
A couple of hours passed and the students began coming in. Some of our classmates came in and began throwing questions at me. Can't say I blamed them. I showed them the note that the nurse gave me, and it seemed to have answered most of their questions.
Hikari then came in. "Yaya-chan!" I smiled and waved at her, but then I noticed that she had a slightly annoyed expression painted on her face. "Where were you this morning!? I couldn't find you anywhere." I let out a silent nervous laugh. I should have probably left a note. I then wrote 'I'm sorry Hikari. I woke up really early this morning. I decided to come to school early to get some of my work done.' I smiled as I waved the thick pile of print outs.
She let out a sigh, relief? Or maybe giving up whatever made her feel like trying to argue and sat down at her seat beside me. I have to admit... me not being able to talk seems to be bringing out a new side of Hikari, she's not usually this aggressive or irritable. Or maybe it was something else that caused it... I found myself staring at her lips for a moment but luckily she didn't seem to notice.
Classes soon began for us. I took the time wait for the teacher outside before it began. She merely nodded and told me she'll try to remember not to ask me something that will take too long to write. Classes were pretty much the same the whole day, sure I had to put an extra effort to catch up but it was ok. I was actually glad for the extra work, if it weren't for this I'd probably caught myself looking at Hikari more than I probably should.
During lunch I had practically raced to the Spica's Cafeteria as soon as the teacher had dismissed us, I didn't pull or invite Hikari. For one, I was really hungry I had an early breakfast after all. Two, we probably needed the space. And three, she would probably be off to meet with Ama... Ootori, yes Ootori-san for lunch. I sighed inwardly, feeling slightly bad for beginning to call Hikari's love interest by her last name... but I do feel spite against her, even though it was not her fault. I guess I can only really blame myself for being mean.
I quietly sighed again. I eating my sandwich and soup, and was awkwardly surprised by a hand holding my shoulder. I shuddered and almost screamed, actually I did scream but like before no sound could be heard.
I turned to see who it was, and was even more surprised to see a slightly red faced Hikari. She was panting, as if she had ran around the school. I began writing 'Hi! Hikari, would like to...' but I didn't get to finish. "YA ... YA ... Chan..." she said quite angry and frustrated. I let out a silent and scared laugh. She looked at me with her blue eyes burning with an anger I've never seen before.
"Why did you just leave me like that?!" She yelled. I made a gesture for her to keep her voice down. "Don't ssh me! Yaya-chan. Why are you avoiding me?!..." Surely I had no means to quickly answer. I had to think of something fast though, I could already see a lot of our schoolmates beginning to stare at the scene.
I bowed my head and placed my hands together in form of apology. Then quickly wrote down in a very ugly and hurried penmanship 'I'm sorry Hikari! I was really hungry, I wasn't thinking.' Sure it was sort of a lie, but now that I thought about it, I was telling the truth… technically…I guess wasn’t really thinking of her feelings then. Hikari then looked at my just about finished plate of sandwiches and bowl of soup. She sighed and sat beside me.
I'm really beginning to think that Hikari's is changing a little. It's kind of cute in its own way. I handed her my glass of water, she must be thirsty after all that running as she drank it all in one go. She slumped on the table after drinking, still trying to catch her breath. I tried not to look at her too much.
I then saw the one person I didn’t really want to see. Still in her Horse riding outfit, Ootori-san walked in to the school cafeteria. I noticed her looking for someone and trying not to be obvious about it, of course I didn’t have to think too much about it to know who she was looking for.
I tapped Hikari shoulder. She looked at me with a wondering look. I forced a smile, which I found very tiresome, and pointed at Ootori-san. She looked surprised at the same time very happy that her crush was here. She then stood to go to her, telling me to wait for her. I noticed that a genuine smile crept up Ootori-san’s lips as she saw Hikari walk over to her. Not that I blame her… I tend to do that myself... before…
I decided I should go… I felt sad seeing them together, YES… I admit it. I am Jealous of Ootori. I mentally kicked myself as I noticed that I skipped out of the honorific at the end of her surname. I’m definitely becoming a mean person. I sighed to myself.
I still had much work to catch up with and I really don’t want to face either of them right now. I decided to leave a not for Hikari on the table. I wrote that I went back to the classroom because I wanted to catch up quickly. Though it was true, I still felt I was lying. I tore the page out of my notebook, folded it twice and wrote: “Hikari” and was about to leave it and the table when heard Ootori-san called me.
“Nanto-san.” I turned to look at her. I faked a smile and tried my best not to show any hostility against her, unlike the last time we came this close to each other. For one she was the most popular girl in school. Another was I don’t want Hikari to know that I disliked her. I took the time to think and write my reply to her. But before I could, she taps my shoulder lightly. “Please follow me. I would like to talk to you.”
I had reasons to decline her request. I certainly didn’t want to talk to her, especially now that I can’t talk. And I was about to tell her off too… but then I saw Hikari, with a wishful look on her face, which meant that she wants me to be friends with Ootori-san. I pocketed the note I was suppose to leave for Hikari, I waved to her and gave her a reassuring smile before following Ootori-san’s lead. I saw questioning looks of many of our schoolmates. Particularly of Tsubomi-chan’s, I bet she’s going to be bothering me about this one when she gets the chance.
Ootori-san led me outside, to the stables to be exact. It must be her comfort zone. We walked around in silence for a while, I had really no choice in the matter. She seems to be looking around checking the area for other students. I can only assume she didn’t want to be seen talking to anyone unless it was Hikari or for related school reasons. Or she didn’t want to be seen with me as I wouldn’t want to be seen with her. We then reached a large stone under a tree’s shade.
“Sit down.” She said, it wasn’t an order but having no voice made me feel it was. If I didn’t lose my voice I’d prefer to remain standing. But then again if I didn’t I’d probably not be here.
I did as I was told, I sat on the large rock that we students have long used as a bench, looked up into nowhere in particular just to avoid eye contact with her and waited for the start this… “Talk”.
At the corner of my eye I could tell that she was looking at me… “I know our first meeting…” she paused, judging from her voice she seemed very nervous but there’s more, something else that I can’t seem to point out right now... then again I don’t really care. But I know she was trying to be acquainted with me, of course the only reason I could think of for her to even bother trying is Hikari.
It felt weird, to be out here with her. I bet almost everyone in school would want to be in my place right now. She didn’t talk after that, was I that intimidating? I smiled inwardly… the thought of “The Prince of Spica” was afraid of me amused me, but that didn’t last long… I quickly shrugged off the thought and randomly decided to open my notebook and began sketching. I roughly made a drawing of the scene; the horse track, the stables, the trees around it…
“You’re good at that.” She said, I turned my head just a tiny bit and saw her leaning uncomfortably close to me. I gasped in surprise and dropped the notebook as my body suddenly jumped away from her. Had I not been mute, I had probably released a loud scream just then.
“Ah! Watch out!” she said loudly as she tried to grab me before I fell off the rock we were sitting on. I felt her hand clasp on my left wrist, then a stinging pain, which I temporarily ignored thanks to the pain of hitting my behind on the ground and a few randomly placed stones.
“You’re bleeding…” I heard her whisper. I had my eyes close trying to recover from all the random pain when I felt something warm and wet touching my wrist. I open my eyes to see Ootori kneeling in front of me and… she was kissing, licking and suckling on my wounded wrist. What shocked me was she had this worried yet blissful expression on her face. I felt embarrassed, awkward and very angry. I hurriedly pulled my hand away from her gazing angrily at her. She looked at me, the almost uncaring smile she gives her fans wasn’t there, replaced by a worried frown. She stood up and offered her had to me “I’m sorry. I didn’t m…
I quickly slapped her hand, surprising her enough to stop what she was saying. I wasn’t really thinking right now. I stood on my own, dusted my uniform a little then picked up my notebook.
‘I don’t like you.’ I thought as a looked at her. ‘And just because Hikari choose you doesn’t mean I have to start liking you too…’ I never liked her, but I didn’t really hate her either. But now I do… so much that I want nothing to do with her. I’m such a bitter person.
She remained silent, but not once breaking eye contact. Her eyes looked saddened and pained almost as if she had heard my thoughts when I thought them. I was quite sure this isn’t getting anywhere. I then very lightly bowed in an almost insulting way and turned around to walk away.
“Wait a minute.” She rushes to catch up to me and takes hold of my shoulder. I stopped to glare at her before shaking the hand off and continued to walk away. She then grabbed my injured wrist, causing me to instantly wince in pain and dropping the notebook.
“Please wait! Yaya-san.” I stopped.
‘Who gave her the right to call me by my name?!’ I turned to her, and mouthed: “I hate you.” I then slapped her left cheek hard causing her hand to let go of mine and touch her reddening skin. She just stared at me, almost fearfully.
I didn’t bother picking up the notebook, I figured it would only give her time to think of something to keep me here to try this talk of hers. I began walking back to the school without looking back. Deciding that I’d visit the nurse to get this wound cleaned and treated. Then maybe skip the rest of the classes for today…
Later that day… I had managed to avoid Hikari enough to keep her from asking anything that happened between me and her beloved. ‘I’m such a bitter woman.’ I inwardly sighed at the thought. I was still thinking of my excuse, but then again if that woman decides to honestly tell Hikari what I did… I guess lying isn’t going to help me much as she would surely listen to that woman instead of me.
I looked at my bandaged wrist, and recalled the feeling when her lips were on it… I felt hopelessly confused. ‘Why did I act like that?’
I had noticed that some students looked at me nervously and some with hostility. I bet they saw us a while ago. That woman is popular after all, I wouldn’t disregard the possibility that she has stalkers here in the school.
My thoughts were then interrupted when a certain pink haired underclassman sat in front of me with an angry look in her face. With the new notebook I had bought before my visit to the infirmary I wrote: ‘Tsubomi-chan, are you doing anything tomorrow?’
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