Author’s Notes: I know it’s a labeled as a filler but I guess it can count as Chapter 8.5. The only reason I say it’s a filler because Tamao isn’t one of the main characters in my story. But you can count this as a sort of prologue to the story for Tamao and Nagisa I’m writing.
Italic – for thoughts.
Italic and underline – for Yaya’s written lines.
Bold – for shouting.
Underline – for Yaya’s mouthed lines.
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Filler: Tamao: For the best…
Hikari-chan came by earlier and invited me out for a walk. I was a bit happy that she had honored my request to come to me when she had decided. There were a few things that I wanted to talk to her about as well.
It was around four in the afternoon, Nagisa-chan and I were just on our way back to our room after a short walk. It was a rare thing lately, as I’m sure Nagisa-chan wanted to spend time with someone I’d rather not name because… I’d probably kill her ‘again!’ in my head. It was then that we saw Hikari, dressed in a yellow sundress and a blue vest. She was walking away from the direction of our room. My only guess was she came looking for me.
My red haired roommate beat me to greeting her. “Hikari-chan! Good Afternoon.” Nagisa-chan called out and ran towards our St. Spica friend, brightly and happily smiling at her and even almost pouncing on the girl.
Hikari-chan returned Nagisa-chan explosively happy greeting with a gentle smile. “Good Afternoon. Nagisa-chan…” she paused and looked at me. “Tamao-san.”
I knew immediately what she wanted. I smiled and nodded to her, acknowledging her hidden message. I turned my full attention temporarily to Nagisa-chan. “Nagisa-chan, Hikari-chan and I have to talk for a bit. Please head back without me.”
“Ehhhhh…” She pouted, she wasn’t appreciating being left out of the story again. But it was for the best, there are things that Nagisa-chan shouldn’t know… to keep her happy or at the very least… so that I would not be the one to make her sad.
“I’m sorry. Nagisa-chan…” Hikari-chan clasped her hand together and bowed her head towards Nagisa-chan in an almost begging manner. “…It’s a little private… I asked Tamao-chan because I had a feeling she could help me.”
I watched as Nagisa-chan blushed in embarrassment at having someone bow to her like that. “AH! Don’t do that Hikari-chan. I don’t really mind.” Or so she said, but I could tell that from her laugh at the end she was really bothered that she couldn’t be part of it. The girl is surprisingly curious, even if she doesn’t look it. Hikari-chan thanked her and began walking towards.
I told Nagisa-chan that I will be back as soon as I could and began walking away with Hikari-chan. I noted that Nagisa-chan had that cute look of frustration, she does it whenever feels annoyed or slightly upset. I giggled and purposely showed her making her know that I know she pouting. This would cause her to pout just a little more, before she realizes I’m just messing with her head… that makes her pout even more, which unfortunately for her but fortunate for me because I get to laugh and see her make a cute pouting face.
We walked in silence; we didn’t want our conversation to be overheard by anyone. It was almost an unspoken agreement between us to look for somewhere private before we have our talk. We found it at probably the best possible place for her to talk about this, the church’s secret backyard garden… Hikari-chan and Yaya-san’s fateful meeting place. She stood there just beside the door staring at the places where she probably pictured Yaya-san lounge around. She took a few moments before turning her attention to me and said; “Tamao-san, I want to know.”
“I see…” I said and smiled. I felt a little envious of Yaya-san. I’m not blind, I know from the way that she looks at Hikari-chan… that she harbors deep feelings for this blonde girl. I know… because that exactly how I look at Nagisa-chan. But it’s also quite sad, that this girl is face will be faced with difficult choices sooner or later. And though my interference might have a negative impact to Yaya-san or Amane-sama on the long run, depending on Hikari-chan’s feelings, I still fee that as a friend I should at least help in what ways I can.
“In that case, Hikari-chan, I have some good news and some bad news for you… both are important and this might change your decision.” I looked at her seriously. This is very important and should probably have been said before Hikari made her choice. She looked at me and kept all attention on what I was about to say, I could see a lot of anxiety in her eyes. I’m sure the words ‘bad news’ didn’t sound the least bit pleasing.
“…” I hesitated telling her, and figured she might not want to know too badly. Not to mention that these are purely my observations of her best friend and not actual facts. “These are just my observations so they could be wrong… Do you still want to know?”
She swallowed nervously before nodding. “Yes. Please.”
I must say that I am surprised by her decisions. I had actually expected the opposites to be honest. I had always pictured Nagisa-chan and Hikari-chan to be more or less the same… I had thought that by now Hikari-chan would be too fond of Amane-sama to even notice Yaya-san. But I guess I was wrong… ‘and oddly it didn’t feel so bad being wrong.’
“Well then… I guess I should start with the good news.” I noted that Hikari tensed up when I said that. “I’m not sure if you had noticed Hikari but I think, Yaya-san really liked you.”
Hikari blushes and looks down. She smiles and oddly but happily says; “Yeah… she tells me that a lot. She used to be very clingy and teased me a lot about anything…”
Seeing that she was a little dense was painful… I feel sorry for Yaya-san already. But at the very least the way she looked just now might actually give Yaya-san some hope. I decided to interrupt and correct the girl’s idea of Yaya-san liking her. I placed both my hands on her shoulders shook her once and held her firmly. “No… Hikari. Yaya-san REALLY… Liked you.”
Her eyes open wide just as quickly as her jaw drops. She looked stunned at the revelation. “Eh?”
“She liked you Hikari.” I repeated to her seeing that she was in a shocked state of disbelief.
When she recovered from the shock she immediately asked; “Since… when?”
“I don’t know. But I do know, that the clinginess, the teasing, the over protectiveness and the possessiveness were her tiny ways of showing you that she liked you… most likely in that way, Hikari.”
“But why didn’t she just tell me?” Hikari-chan asked, beginning to look a little frustrated. Tears dared to fall from her eyes as I can only imagine how hurt she is learning that she had been so insensitive to her own best friend’s feelings.
I smiled and gave her a slightly disappointed curious look. I doubted Yaya-san didn’t try to tell the girl her feelings… at most I can imagine that Yaya-san had done so indirectly and seemingly jokingly that Hikari-chan here didn’t catch on. I guess that says that Yaya-san failed being direct with her feelings, but she’s not completely at fault. And in the end… there really isn’t anyone you can blame for these things.
“Hikari-chan… I recall that you have or had quite a big crush on Ootori-sama, am I right?” I asked to prove something.
She looked a bit dumbfounded but answered “Yes?”
“My best guess is that Yaya-san… she knew you didn’t feel that way about her and that you loved someone else.” ‘How could she not? She listens to the girl everyday, I almost share your pain Yaya-san.’
“But why did she kiss me?!” she asked almost shouting.
That surprised me a bit because I found myself looking around wondering if anyone was eavesdropping on us. I then frowned thinking ‘does she really need to ask?’ But I suppose I can help her understand. “My guess… It was a moment of weakness, and a last desperate attempt to make you understand her feelings. It didn’t work out at all though… and almost ruined your friendship.” I told her trying to keep my tone of voice as soft as comforting, as oppose to how I really feel at that moment
She looks down sadly, a few drops of tears fell from her eyes. “I see…”
I gave her sometime to think and absorb the information. And as easy and painless I wanted to tell her these things, I suppose it almost impossible for her not to feel guilty, saddened or pained, especially not after she hears my bad news. She was crying already and though I didn’t really want her to hurt even more. I decided that once is better than twice.
“And the bad news Hikari…” I paused at myself, dropping the honorifics for now. This was just too serious to care about such things at the moment. “Is that… she might be already making measures to get over you.”
“Eh?” I watched her teary eyes open wide again.
I decided to spare her too much thinking. “She’s spending as little time as possible with you lately has she not?” I watch her nod eyes open and full of tears.
“She’s probably trying to touch you less and less as possible lately too right?” Again she nodded in response.
“Has she teased you lately?” I asked. Yaya-san’s teasing after all seemed like mine, a way of showing her affections. I hoped that Hikari-chan was taking this all to heart, she’ll need it if she truly intends to find out if she has feelings for her best friend or not.
“It might have been the other way around lately…” she quickly and almost inaudibly muttered in response.
Which had caught my attention that I had to ask; “What do you mean?”
She blushed and looked away. Seeing that reaction, made me decided that I’ll either try to ask her later or just let my own imagination fill the gaps. “So now that you know this… Hikari…” I paused and waited for her to look at me…
“What are you going to do?” I held her hands tightly. I meant a lot of things when I did so. Like don’t run away, or do what you think is best. Because… in a way she’ll be carrying my unfulfilled wish too… I didn’t mind the tears that started following from my eyes.
“Are you going to risk hurting her before she gets over you? Or risk hurting yourself if she isn’t actually in love or had already gotten over you?” By the time I had said that my tears were flowing quite strongly… I felt that when the time came and she makes her decision and that is also the time when I have to make mine.
I couldn’t control my tears, and if she’s as dense as I think she is, she wouldn’t realize why. I then continued to tell her, her last choice, but all the emotions I felt were taking a toll on me. Envy, Sadness, Guilt, and a bit of Anger… made my voice shake; “…or just let… things be… and forget… about… all this?” With that said I just looked at her, with eyes so blurry and full of tears.
She was still crying and at this point was as badly as I was. Her voice shook too as she spoke; “Tamao-san?”
“Yes?” I almost sounded bitter. But I swear it was the crying fit…
“You like Nagisa-chan don’t you?” she asked sounding a bit worried.
‘I guess she wasn’t as dense as I thought she was.’ was my first and only thought… as mean as it sounded. Eyes still full of tears and throat oddly parched… I could only close my eyes and wholeheartedly nod.
“Then why don’t you…” I felt that knew what she wanted to say. That I should tell Nagisa-chan how I feel, that somehow it could work out and we could be closer… and that I didn’t have to suffer like this. But of course I thought that I knew her better and would already know what would happen… just like Yaya-san.
“Hikari…” I called her attention cutting of what she was about to say.
“Y-Yes?”
“The situation may be the same… but people are different. I can’t and don’t want to commit the same mistake Yaya-san did.” I said.
“Mistake?” Hikari-chan had almost yelled. If I didn’t know any better, I’d probably think she was in love with Yaya-san.
“Pardon my words Hikari, to me Yaya-san kissing you was a mistake or accident on her behalf. I believe that she didn’t mean to do it.” I apologize and explained to her my view on the matter.
And though she didn’t seem to like it, she looked like she understood what I had meant. “I guess that seems right.”
“and to continue… I can’t tell her directly how I feel when I know that she loves someone else.”
“Just like Yaya-chan…” she mumbled out and looked at the ground.
“I suppose.” I muttered almost absently.
“But!” Sensing her wish to argue for my sake, I had decided to firmly cut her off and tell her why. “Hikari!”
“Yes?” she seemed surprised by my sudden sternness… but that was ok.
“Yaya-san… as your best friend did what she thought was best. I believe that all she truly wanted was you to be happy, even if she had to suffer for it. Sure… she screwed up a little, and allowed you to see a part of her that she didn’t want you to see, because it would confuse you and/or ruin your friendship.” I said to her, but to be honest… parts of those were really my feelings, rather than what I think Yaya-san’s were.
“…” We were silent for a moment, especially Hikari-chan who was now trying desperately to stop her tears.
“So please understand; that as her best friend… No matter how painful it is… I can’t and don’t want to interfere, as long as she’s happy.”
“Tamao-san…” she looked at me with a soft and sad smile, the blueness of her eyes hidden away by a wall of tears.
“It’s better to have a part of something, rather than risk losing it all. So please promise… to keep that between us.” I asked her to never tell anyone. I had never told anyone, though it may have been obvious from time to time… But as long as Nagisa-chan doesn’t know, then there is no need for me worry.
With tears forming from both our eyes she promised and linked our pinkies together in a ‘pinky swear’. “Tamao-san… I promise.”
“Thank you. That’s all I ask.” I told her, shook our pinkies and wiped the tears in my eyes with my free hand.
“…And…” she added and paused which made me wonder if she was hesitating. But one look at her, drying of her tears and giving me a confident smile told me otherwise. “I’ll do my best learn my true feelings. I have to do so before Yaya-chan completely gives up on me.” She said almost jokingly.
“I see…” I smiled as I heard her decision. “I wish you the best luck then, Hikari-chan.”
“Thanks a lot! And… Tamao-san… Maybe you should give Nagisa-chan the chance to understand your feelings too.”
My smile irked for a moment and my eyes felt heavy. Deep inside I knew that I had no chance. But all this talk about risks, chances and mistakes… makes one think more doesn’t it? “I guess I’ll try to keep that in consideration.”
Hikari-chan’s smiled brighter and returned to me what I said earlier. “Thank you. That’s all I ask.”
We laughed at that comment for a while. And when we were done… I decided to head back. Hikari decided to stay in the garden for a while and think about how she’ll try and learn her true feelings for Yaya-san. I suggested to her before I left that she should just try and spend time with the girl, doing things that they used to do a lot together… except singing of course, after all we’re not sure if Yaya-san’s voice has returned.
I arrived back into the dorms, I had probably gone out for just over an hour. I had decided to stop by a the restroom the ground floor and check whether the crying we did earlier left any too noticeable details of it on my face, before I headed back to our room. And had I known what was awaiting me in my room, I would have probably not come back so early.
When I opened the door, I screamed in surprise when something or someone surprised and pounced at me, yelling “TAMAO-CHAN!!! I...”
My attacker and I almost fell onto the floor, had I not quickly stepped back a step or two. I closed my eyes felt a surge of pain mostly from behind me, as I ended up being sandwiched between the outer wall of one of our front door neighbors room, and a soft flesh of someone who distinctly smells like Nagisa-chan and her shampoo. My face felt warm, incredibly warm… in fact, it was too warm to be just mine. I slowly opened my eyes and was met with a pair dark yet soft red eyes, opened as wide as my own… and for good reason.
The warm feeling on my face that made me think it was too warm to be just mine was right… there was another one directly on mine. And most of it was on my lips. It didn’t take me long to see, but it took a while for me to register that… Our lips were together…
We were both stunned for a while, but it was I who first recovered. I decided that pushing her away and citing that this was an accident would be the best solution.
“Ah! I’m sorry Nagisa-chan?!” I quickly apologized.
“Eh?! Ah! … n-n-No… it’s my fault. I should be sorry.” she looked down, blushing in apology.
Thinking very quickly to avert the matter I told her; “Oh no! it’s okay Nagisa-chan! It was an accident!”
“Right! An… Accident.” She absently mumbled.
“…” There was an eerie silence between us. It felt odd and suffocating. I decided to give her sometime to recover, so I said; “I think go down to the dinning hall and grab a juice or something…”
But as I turned to leave she almost yells out; “Ah! Tamao-chan! Wait!” as she grabs my hand and pulls me back. “It’s alright. We didn’t mean anything by it…” she said as her voice began to crack and her eyes began forming tears.
‘oh no! I didn’t mean to make her cry.’ I quickly placed a hand on her head and asked; “Nagisa-chan! What’s wrong?”
She looked at me, teary eyed and in between sobs and hiccups she told me; “Don’t go! I don’t want what happened to Hikari-chan and Yaya-chan to happen to us. I don’t want us to have a fight.”
“Nagisa…” I patted her head and wrapped my arms around her neck and pulled her head close to my chest. “shh… I would never fight with you Nagisa-chan. Your smile is so important to me.”
“Tamao-chan!” She called my name loudly and hugged my waist as tight as she possibly could. And it was painful… literally. ‘Oh no… I can’t breathe… too tight… she never hugged me this tight before.’ And for a moment I thought I was going to black out.
She loosens her hold of me and without knowing it, allowed me to breathe once again. ‘Thank You… Maria-sama…’ I silently prayed.
“Tamao-chan…” she softly called out my name.
“What is it, Nagisa?”
“We’ll always be best friends forever right?” Those words sounded so familiar… I then remembered they were the same words that Hikari-chan told Yaya-san when they made up.
“…” ‘I guess in the end it wasn’t actually Yaya-san decision to get over Hikari-chan. Instead it was Hikari-chan’s. As it’s Nagisa-chan’s to make mine.’ With my hand I brushed the hair on the back of her head gently. I nodded and continued hugging her.
‘I guess… I know what I have to do.’
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