Author’s Notes: I know I said that Yaya was next but a strike of inspiration came and Hikari’s turn came up first.
Italic – for thoughts.
Italic and underline – for Yaya’s written lines.
Bold – for shouting.
Underline – for Yaya’s mouthed lines.
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Hikari: What do I do?
It’s Saturday morning and I have just returned to my room from breakfast. I laid down on my bed, oddly feeling tired. I admit that I’m no morning person, it took me three or four months before I got used to getting up on my own so that I didn’t need Yaya-chan to wake me up every morning. But that wasn’t the reason I felt tired.
We barely get to talk lately. I was worried when I saw her in her bed, sleeping early again last Thursday night and with a light fever and a lot of band-aids on her hands. She was well enough to attend class the next morning… I wanted to talk to her later that night but… the last I saw of her was after classes when we split up as I headed to choir practice. When I returned to our room, I found a letter addressed to me. I soon discovered that it was from Yaya-chan. I slowly opened the envelope, almost dreading to read the letter’s contents. But, when I found myself holding the unfolded paper, with its contents plain for my eyes to see, I decided to read it… after I took one deep nervous breath. It read:
Hikari,
I’m going out for the weekend. Please don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. I’ll be back either by Sunday night or in time for class on Monday. Have a pleasant weekend! I’ll try to bring souvenirs!
p.s. could you roll my thick blanket and put it in my place on the bed before night fall. Just in case the sister comes to check on us at night.
-Yaya
I was relieved at first to know that she had remembered to write a letter. She tends to sneak out of school and do this outing of hers every once in a while. She would be gone for a day, two or the weekend. She’d bring back with her a lot random souvenirs and share it with me and sometimes the class. And most times, she’ll come back looking really refreshed and cheerier than when she had left. She’s always invited me to come with her before, she always did, even though she knew I would always say that I didn’t want to sneak out because my parents would get mad if they found out. It was always a valid excuse, my parents were very protective and strict about things like this. But oddly she didn’t invite me this time.
And now, here I am… on my bed… staring at the letter she wrote to me. And wondering why, I feel so left out that she didn’t bother trying to invite me this time. … I might have just said; “yes...”
I sat up and looked at Yaya-chan’s side of the room. I could almost see her there; Sleeping on her bed, studying on her desk, drawing while leaning on the wall, singing while sitting on the floor, or just simply smiling at me as she cheers me up. All of which are only but a hand full of my memories of my best friend. I can’t believe she’s been missing for less than a day, but I miss her already. What’s wrong with me?
Looking out the window, I recalled that I didn’t have plans today. I didn’t make any… not even with Amane-sempai. Actually it’s not that I didn’t make any. It’s more like my plans were ruined because the person I wanted and had planned to spend time with had her own plans and disappeared before I had the chance to invite her to do anything. I let out a deep sad sigh.
I wanted to talk to someone. ‘But who could I talk to?...’ I pondered on that thought for a while and remembered two people who might actually be able to help me. They’re somewhat involved in this already, when they helped Yaya-chan and I get together and make up. And although they’re not classmates nor were they st. Spica’s students, they’re really good friends. I got up from my bed and took out a can of my favorite imported biscuits, that my sister had sent me, from our small room pantry and headed out the door.
Minutes later… I was outside their room, on the second floor of the Miator side of the dorm building. I knocked nervously, having second thoughts about my sudden visit. But before I could decide on fleeing the door opens revealing a blue haired girl, in her loose blue pajamas and a white head band that had something written on it. She looked at me with a happy surprised face and said;
“Hikari-chan! Good Morning!”
“Good Morning. Tamao-san.” I greeted back, trying to be as cheerful as I can while still in a semi public area. She might have noticed it, I don’t know for sure… but I always tend to think that she’s the type that catches on quickly to hidden signals, even if they’re unconsciously done. I don’t really know how she does it, but sometimes I can tell when she does.
She smiles and asks me to come in. I happily thanked her and entered. I noticed that Nagisa-chan wasn’t in the room, but that’s ok. She asked me to take a seat on her bed, to which I nodded and sat down. I noticed that she was working on something.
“Were you doing your homework, Tamao-san?” I asked, curious if I’m bothering her.
She smiled and showed me what it was. “I’m working on the script, Rokujou-sama asked me to write for the play.”
I was surprised when I remembered it. It was discussed at dinner a few nights ago. “I’m sorry! I must be bothering you. Maybe I should go.” I said as I stood up from the bed.
Tamao-chan giggles to my surprise and wonder. “It’s alright! Hikari-chan. I was having a little writer’s block anyway. I could use a short break and some biscuits.” She pointed at the thing in my hands.
I looked down and remembered that I had brought the box of biscuits with me. And with a silly smile I handed it to her before taking my seat on her bed again. She headed to the side of the room where there was a small pantry and an electric water heater where she began to make some tea for us.
“So what do I owe this surprise visit?” She asked me as she was mixing a few tea leaves together.
“I was wondering if you could give me some advice…” I replied.
She curiously looked at me for a moment, before she said; “I think Yaya-san knows you a lot better, and would know what to tell you better than I could.” And looked back to what she was doing so as not to burn herself.
I looked away from her for a moment, my gaze fell on to Nagisa-chan’s bed… which coincidentally was on the same side as Yaya-chan’s. It reminded me of times she sat there as we had our occasional tea parties here with everyone. “That’s a bit of the problem…”
She placed a plate of the biscuits on the desk and offered me a cup.
She said; “Oh? How so? I hear that she could communicate quite well even with just a pen and paper.” Before pouring herself a cup.
I looked down on the golden brown steaming hot liquid and told her; “That’s not quite what I mean… she’s also not here at the moment and she’s part of what I need advice on.”
“I see…” I hear her place her cup down on her desk. I turned to see that she had opened her drawer and took what seems to be a plastic sign that said; “Do not Disturb”. She stands and headed to open the door, on which quickly hangs the piece of plastic on the door knob and closes it again. She pulls up her chair closer to me, sits down and asks with a reassuring smile; “So… what’s wrong?”
I gave myself a few moments to get my thoughts in order. “I feel like Yaya-chan and I… I mean… I feel like our friendship isn’t like what it used to be...” I then decided to ask her; “Tamao-san? Did Yaya-chan tell you anything before we were able to make up?”
She seemed surprised that I asked that and asked me with some curiously as to why I asked. I told her; “I would like to know…” I paused and waited for her to tell me or simply respond, but she didn’t. I decided to try to convince her to. “You might have noticed that though Yaya-chan seems very open, confrontational, loud and touchy… she also keeps to herself.”
“Are you saying that she keeps secrets from you?” Tamao-san asks, before taking a sip of her tea.
“It’s not that she keeps it from me. But I guess you can say that…” I paused to look towards the window and try to see what was outside. It was something to help me gather my thoughts. “Yaya-chan has this way of telling people things to satisfy their curiosity, and sometimes without actually telling them everything.”
“… that’s true…” said Tamao-san as she place her cup of tea down. “… although at first look, Yaya-san certainly doesn’t seem like the type of person.”
“…” I felt silent, and took a biscuit but I didn’t bite it yet… I just stared at it, gazing upon the brownness of the biscuit and the sugar that formed a glazed look on it.
“Yaya-san told me…” Tamao-san paused. I looked at her, happy that she finally decided to answer my question.
“…That you wouldn’t come.” Her works hit me like a hard slap.
“Eh?” I muttered almost absently.
Tamao-san frowned and looked at me straight in the eye. “This is what she said to me in the back of the church and I quote; “Hikari won’t come. There’s no way she’ll come here. Hikari… no longer remembers this place, because… she has a more precious place. And now, I’m no longer her best friend. Because I ruined our friendship.” end quote. She sounded quite angry at herself to me, like she was blaming herself very deeply for what she had done.”
“…” I couldn’t say anything after learning what Yaya-chan and how she had said it. Learning how angry, sad and hopeless she felt of our breaking friendship troubled me. It was also painful for me to learn that she was so saddened that she’d think I would forget the place we had first met. And it brought back memories of the entranced kiss she gave me that night I came back from the beach with Amane-sempai.
The warmth and forcefulness of her touch, the glow of her amber eyes, the softness of her lips and the slippery yet sticky liquid that dared enter my lips from hers. I can almost feel it as I remember… that night she had just given done that to me.
When I returned to our room I greeted her quite openly with a harm hug. I was happy and grateful to her for rescuing me from Kenjo-sempai that afternoon. I was presenting to her a Sakura shell I found on the beach, a small token of my deep appreciation for what she had done for me. She looked happy when I gave it to her… but something happened.
… All of a sudden, the look from her eyes changed. She appeared serious all of a sudden; she held me arms tightly and pulled me closer to her. And before I knew it… she was kissing me. I was shocked. And needless to say I felt hurt and confused. I struggled but Yaya was stronger than me.
She slowly pushed forward, and I ended up cornered with the door behind me. It was then that everything turns for the worse. She began touching me in places I rather not mention. At that point, I felt that I had to get her of me. I pushed her away as hard as I could and screamed; “NO!”. She fell on the floor a few feet from me.
I cried and wrapped my arms around myself. I somehow muttered absently, asking her why she did that… but in the end I just cried and didn’t give her any chance to explain.
“-chan…?”
I noticed a hand waving in front of me and a voice that called; “Hikari-chan?” I turned to see Tamao-san looking at me rather worriedly.
“Ah! I’m sorry Tamao-san… I spaced out for a bit.” I blushed and apologized to her.
She smiles and shakes her head telling me it was ok. “So… might I ask what it was that Yaya-san did?”
I looked away and pondered if I should tell her.
She then told me in a gentle comforting voice; “You don’t have to tell me Hikari-chan, I can understand that there are things people have to forget some time in their lives… It’s sometimes necessary too, so that one can move on, look forward and be or try happy.”
Her words rang in my head… they felt like heavy chains in my heart… and I’m not quite sure why. However I felt that I will know if I told her what it was that Yaya did.
I shook my head and looked at her. “She… she…” I found it hard to say. I swallowed, trying to get rid of the anxiety I felt about the subject.
“Yaya-chan… she… kissed me.” I muttered.
I turned my attention back to Tamao-san who remained very quiet before and after I’ve revealed it to her. I wasn’t so surprise that she looked very shocked with her mouth wide agape. Which made me wonder if it was that unbelievable?...
“Tamao-san?” I called to her.
A silly sounding “Huh?” was her only response to my calls. She regained her composure after a while and apologized for spacing out.
“Yaya-san, has kissed you huh…” she mumbled as she held her chin with her right hand. She seemed to be thinking about something and absently added surgar and stirred her liquid less tea cup. I took it upon myself to pour her some tea before she decides to drink the sugar as it is.
“Ah!… Thank you…” she said as she realized what I did for her.
“You’re welcome…” I told her and looked at her a little concerned. I felt like I was really bothering her. She’s busy at this time and she probably has her own problems to think of and doesn’t need me to make the burden heavier. I almost wanted to leave and ask her to forget about it… but, I guess… in a way I’m getting pretty desperate to understand these things. And to the point I have to selfishly bother another person.
“Hikari-chan?” she called me. She sounded like she had gotten her thoughts in order, I turned to her to see what she has to say. “What do you feel about Yaya-san?”
“What I feel about her?” I asked, wondering why she asked such a question.
“Yes, if you could please be as deeply and honest as possible. I can only truly tell you what to do once I know.” She sounded absolutely serious. I found it strange talking to Tamao-san, without a smile on her face. She’s usually a happy and cheerful person… like… like Yaya-chan.
My gaze move onto Nagisa-chan’s bed, just being on that side was enough to remind of Yaya-chan. Her smile, her playfulness, her protectiveness, her possessiveness… but there’s one thing I found hard to remember. “… She’s my best friend and I’m very thankful to her. She’s been with me for over a year and we’ve been very close. In that time she’s protected me, encouraged me, and kept me smiling. She’s very important to me.”
“…” I hear Tamao-san place down her cup and sighs deeply. “This will be harder than I thought…” she refills her cup and looks. It was then that her eyes opened wide as if she was struck by inspiration. “How about… Amane-sama? What do you feel about her?” she asks before nibbling on another piece of biscuit.
“Amane-sempai?...” I blushed and looked down the floor. I was somehow able to mumble; “I like sempai…” and hope that answered her question.
“What do you like about her?” she followed.
It didn’t take me too long to think about it. “She’s cool and beautiful…”
“Is that it?” She asked in a rather inquisitive tone.
“It’s not… Sempai… she makes me smile, she encourages me and she protects me.”
I was surprised to hear Tamao-san laugh softly. I felt a little insulted because I didn’t tell her my feelings for Amane just so she could laugh. I pouted a little. “What’s so funny?”
Tamao-san wipes a tear from her eye and tries to stop laughing… “Hehe… I’m sorry… I didn’t… haha… mean to…”
I drank my tea while I waited for her to stop laughing. I could feel my cheeks warm up, in embarrassment and maybe a little bit in anger.
She picks up her tea cup and takes another sip after she had stopped laughing. She apologized again for laughing. I told her it’s fine, but asked her to enlighten me as to what she had found funny. To my surprise, she returns to a somewhat serious façade. “You know… although there are a few things that you didn’t mention… did you realize that you had just described things about Yaya-san?” she suddenly followed.
“Eh?!” I was shocked at the revelation, stunned even. In my mind I thought of the things I’d say about Yaya-chan and Amane-sempai. It didn’t take me long to realize that though there were differences… a lot of the things I liked about Amane-sempai, where Yaya-chan’s traits too.
I felt two hands hold on to my shoulders. I looked up was caught into Tamao-san gaze “I’ll be frank now, Hikari…” She stared deep into my eyes, in a way that I couldn’t dare look away. “Do you think you might like Yaya-san in the same way you like Amane-sama?”
I just stared at her, trying to make sense of the question. And making sure I didn’t hear her wrong. Our gazes were locked, but I didn’t see who it was in front of me. Instead my mind flashed memories of Amane-sempai and Yaya-chan. My heart ached… it felt like it was being ripped in two. I know that I liked Amane-sempai… but… I couldn’t tell myself what it was I felt for my best friend.
“I’m sorry… Hikari.” Tamao apologized, her voiced sounded very apologetic and worried about something.
I felt something drop onto my hand. “Huh?” I looked down and saw a drop of liquid, a tear drop to be exact from my hand. Realizing I was crying my only reaction was to try and wipe the tears away.
“Hikari…”
“…” I was silent for a while. Tears flowed and the agonizing pain filled my heart. ‘Why is it so painful.’ I asked myself…
“Hikari?”
“I’m not sure… I’m not sure what to feel…” was the last thing I could say, before I broke down and cried. I felt Tamao-san arms move down to pull me closer and hugged me gently to try and comfort me.
I don’t know how long I cried. I felt so horrible and confused. My thoughts jumped from Amane-sempai to Yaya-chan and back and forth… to almost no end. ‘Why me?... Why did I?’
I could feel someone warmly hugging me and brushing my hair… And image formed and I recall that Yaya-chan does this for me. “…Yaya-chan.” Mumbled and gave the one hugging me a tight hug.
“I’m sorry to say this Hikari-chan, but I’m Tamao.” I heard the person say. Looking up, I realized that it was actually Tamao-san. It then occurred to me that I had almost forgotten why I was here… or should I say, I had forgotten it for a moment. I blushed and immediately let go of Tamao-san, apologizing for my odd actions.
I was quiet for a bit. My host decided to use that time to clear up the tea cups and left over biscuits that we didn’t feel like finishing anymore.
“Tamao-san, what should I do?” I asked her in a depressed voice.
“It’s more on what you want to do.” She told me without looking away from the things she was washing.
“What do you mean?” I asked her, not really sure how to make sense of what she meant by that.
“Lets see… At the moment you have a rather interesting choice to make.” She looked at me for a second but resumed to washing the used tea cups and plates. “You can either; forget about the whole thing about Yaya-san and continue as you have been with Amane-sama… or you can try and find out if you do have feelings for Yaya-san.” I seriously thought of deciding to find out if I was actually falling for my best friend soon after Tamao-chan had said that.
“But! I have to warn you… Hikari…” she stopped her cleaning and walked back to me. She sat by my side and again held my shoulders tightly. I just looked at her as she said this to me in a serious tone; “If you decide to find out if you are indeed have feelings for Yaya-san… hearts may break. It could be Yaya-san’s …Amane-sama’s …and maybe even yours.”
Her words felt heavy. It seems that I have a lot of responsibility… after all two hearts, not including mine, was riding on this decision. “I’ll…” I was about to tell her that my decision was to try to find out, but almost as if she knew it she interrupts me.
“Give it a little time. Think about it a little, Hikari. Then when you are sure… come and see me again.” She tells me with a smile.
“Tamao-san…” I felt touched by her willingness to give me her support. Part of her reminds me of Yaya-chan. I nodded and thanked her for her help and hospitality. We stood from the bed and proceeded to the door. “I should get going and let you write the script now.” I told her with a light smile.
She nods to me, keeping the warm but oddly sad smile on her face. Opening the door, we are surprised to find out Nagisa-chan was just about to knock on the door.
“Hello! Nagisa-chan.” I greeted her with the best smile I could.
Tamao-san opened the door wider and said; “Welcome back! How long have you been there, Nagisa-chan?”
Nagisa-chan smiled and raised her hand to scratch her head, in the cute and silly way that only she could pull off. I noticed the blush on her face, the very same one she tried to hide from us by turning her head way. “Eheh… About a minute or two... It said “Do not disturb.” I didn’t want to bother Tamao-chan.” It made me fear a little that Nagisa-chan was having the wrong idea about what Tamao-san and I were doing inside.
“What were the two of you doing?” She asked.
I was about to tell her that I had come to ask Tamao-san for advice. But Tamao-san had a different story in mind. “I’m sorry Nagisa-chan, that’s a secret between me and Hikari-chan.” She told her with a smile, before looking at me and saying. “Isn’t that right Hikari?”
“Eh?” I suddenly found myself looking at her, and was about to say otherwise but… I notice her wink the one eye that was probably not in Nagisa-chan’s line of sight. Feeling I owe her I decided to play along with her. “Yes! That’s right!”
“Ehhhhhhhh…” Nagisa-chan pouted cutely, a little upset that she was left out of the story. Tamao-san and I laughed and complemented Nagisa-chan for just being so cute.
I took my leave then, deciding that I’ll take Tamao-san’s advice and think about what I should do about my dilemma. I bit them goodbye and headed off somewhere to think. I considered for a moment to talk to Amane-sempai about it, we weren’t together… yet at least. We were… I don’t really know how to classify us. I felt like I needed a second opinion. Tamao-san’s was helpful and all. I was hoping to get Nagisa-chan’s opinion but for some reason, Tamao-san didn’t want her to know. I wasn’t really close to anyone else in our school except for Tsubomi…
‘Wait a minute… Tsubomi wasn’t at dinner last night.’
To be continued…
Author’s notes: I made it Hikari’s turn because, I felt she was lagging behind the other two girls… not to mention the crowd of fan girls.
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