I'd like to pre-emptively assure my readers that I have a healthy respect for the Christian faith. But the thing is, Kaname doesn't.
On that note. Considering Astraea's so religious, there should be nuns and priests. Every Sunday, Kaname, Momomi, Shizuma and indeed any character with confidence and a sense of humour should come to them and confess to the number of times they'd had lesbian sex that week. Perhaps the priests could have a fairly benevolent attitude, because fighting lesbianism in Astraea is like fighting the fundamental nature of man elsewhere. But I don't own Strawberry Panic, so the religion taught at Astraea may forever be an entertaining mystery.
“Well, we’ve discussed things,” Kariya said, glaring at them all. “My main comment would be that you’re all damned cheeky.”
“Which is to say that we appreciate your youthful high spirits, but ask that you moderate your behaviour in future.” Serané smiled. “Right?”
“No, I was referring to the pathological lying. I know when I’m being told a story. I’m surprised they didn’t say ‘once upon a time’…”
“Kariya, please,” Serané said, feigning shock. “How can we doubt the individually determined words of these honest students?”
“I get it, I get it.” Kariya raised her hands. “All trials are fair, all soldiers are patriots and all students in trouble are truthful. The kinds of things we say we believe to make society function…”
“I don’t think that follows,” Shion murmured.
“I don’t expect someone like you to follow me,” Kariya said. “I’m not even sure why you’re here. Just sit in the corner and rehearse your gossip or whatever.”
“Kariya,” Serané said. “Isn’t it a wonderful thing that Tomori-san has given up her own time to help us clear up this matter?”
“Well, it would be if she’d told the truth-”
“In any case,” the Superior coughed pointedly. “We have come to a decision on your punishment. You will all be confined to the school grounds for a month.”
“Apart from Tomori-san,” Serané added.
“Apart from Tomori-san, of course,” the Superior echoed.
Momomi tried hard not to laugh out loud. Once again, they were being punished by methods that weren’t punishment at all.
“And for a month, you all have to clean the church every day, together,” Kariya said flatly. “Including the clock tower.”
“Exactly,” the Superior confirmed.
“Apart from Tomori-san,” Serané clarified.
“Apart from Tomori-san,” the other two chorused, looking slightly annoyed.
Momomi and Olesa managed to take this news onboard without reacting in an extravagant manner. Kaname and Akimi, on the other hand, were a lot louder.
“The whole thing, including the clock tower, every day?” Akimi said, sounding disbelieving. “Is that even physically possible?”
“This isn’t fair,” Kaname said. “This is you, again, isn’t it, Kariya? You sadistic-”
Momomi kicked her on the shin.
“I mean, Kariya-Etoile-sama, who came up with this,” Kaname said. “Because she’s good with ideas for punishments.”
“It’s way more than you deserve. If it was up to me, I’d have you doing that for the rest of the year. But I was persuaded to moderate that.”
Not for the first time or even the fiftieth, the younger girls collectively thanked God for Serané’s gentle influence.
“In any case, none of you are in a position to negotiate,” Kariya said. “ Make no mistake, your behaviour is utterly inexecusable. Astraea is a school of religiosity, peace, co-operation, multiculturalism, student freedoms, bunnies and other fluffy things. If any of you ever act in this way again, you will be thrown out, no questions asked, regardless of how much money you pay us. And that will be secondary to my own personal punishments for you all. This is not a common, mandatory school. You are all, in different ways, priviliged to be here. Mock that privilige and you will lose it. Is that understood?”
“Yes, Etoile-sama.”
“I should think so, too,” Kariya said. “Useless, ungrateful brats.”
“Kariya…” Serané cocked her head, smiling sweetly. “Shouldn’t you be a little kinder? I’m sure they’re sufficiently chastened and gratified for your mercy.”
“I should think so, too,” Kariya said, mollified.
“In any case,” the Superior repeated, sounding like she was well used to the process, “there will be a Sister to oversee your work, so you are to fulfil it competently and for duration.”
Serané leaned back, closing her eyes thoughtfully. “There’s no need to go so far. We can oversee this, along with some of the sixth years.”
“This is a matter of school discipline, Etoile,” the Superior said. “We can deal with it perfectly well.”
“Of course, but I’d hate to trouble the Sisters over something so trivial. All that matters is that they attend and perform to a satisfactory level, yes? It would be time-consuming for a Sister, but we can deal with it very easily.”
“Exactly.” Kariya sounded a little confused but equally determined. “We can handle it. It’s just a case of smacking their heads until they’re working properly, right?”
“Even so, they are not to slack off after a few weeks,” the Superior said. “Or their caretakers, for that matter. This is to be taken seriously.”
“We will personally take full responsibility. I guarentee it.”
“We will? I mean, we will,” Kariya completed. “Leave it to us, Superior. I won’t let them waste a minute, I can assure you.”
The Superior sighed. “Very well. I don’t know why you’re so emphatic, but I won’t fight it. Look after it, Serané, Kariya.”
“Yes, Superior.” Kariya bowed her head. “We’ll take care of it. That’s all, isn’t it?”
“One thing,” Momomi said, raising a hand tentatively. “Can I make a phone call?”
“What are you still doing here?” Kaname asked, closing her eyes moodily.
“Well, why not?” Amiki retorted. “We don’t trust you two, not by a long way.”
“How about Olesa? Cat got her tongue?”
“You’re noisy for a brute,” Olesa replied, almost philosophically.
Kaname bridled. “You bastard-”
Amiki coughed pointedly.
Kaname restrained herself, leaning against the wall of the corridor again. “In any case, you don’t need to be here. This is just Momomi working to deal with Momomi’s problem. You guys don’t have to stalk her.”
Amiki smirked. “How about you? Can’t leave your girlfriend alone?”
“Don’t be idiotic.” Kaname stretched in a pointedly relaxed, disdainful fashion. “I don’t want to be here. But this part’s my idea, it’s necessary to oversee it.”
“You’re dodging the question.” Amiki leaned forwards slightly, staring thoughtfully. “Why are you doing her planning? Heck, why is she letting you of all people come up with ideas? Aren’t you Kaname the loner? The way you guys are, I swear I’m right when I say that you’re her boyfriend.”
“Don’t be immature,” Kaname said. “I’m not interested in a disgusting relationship like that. Don’t compare me with the likes of Kariya and Serané, who are so weird and twisted it’s hard to believe and harder to watch.”
“You say that, but I think it’s all you do. Just something you say for a snappy answer. How about Amane, then? Would you mind her noticing you that way?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Kaname said. “She’s just too stupid and annoying and rich and introverted and weak and egotistical and everything I hate. Even though she is a man, so it’s not like that’s a problem.”
“Ha,” Amiki said. “You’re as foul-mouthed as ever. And as decietful, considering you stalk her.”
“How about you and Olesa?” Kaname said. “You two are even weirder.”
“It’s my job to protect her. That’s all.”
“What a romantic notion.” Kaname closed her eyes again. “Where did you learn to fight, anyway?”
“I’ve had training. I’m living proof that there’s no need to be street trash like you to be able to fight.”
“Ha. Arrogant. Do you want to finish this at some point, then?”
“Fine by me,” Amiki snapped. “I have a bunch of bruises all over that are going to be paid back with interest.”
“Any time you like.”
“Likewise.”
“Amiki, you won’t fight,” Olesa ordered. “Kenjou-san, you will not fight if you have any respect for Kiyashiki-san’s continual presence at this school. Is that understood?”
“Of course,” Amiki said, bowing her head. “I’m sorry.”
“Hey, don’t sound too much like Kariya.” Kaname rolled her eyes at the thought. “I don’t take orders from you, girl. And I haven’t forgiven you, either. One day I will definitely make you both pay.”
“Understood,” Olesa said. “We aren’t finished with you, either. But it’s within our mutual interests to co-operate for now.”
“I’ll let that slide, purely because that’s what Momomi would say. But your excuses won’t work on me forever.”
Amiki just laughed. “That’s fine. Keep telling yourself that, if it helps you sleep at night.”
Momomi came out, looking depressive. “I’m finished,” she said quietly.
“What happened?” Kaname said, immediately averting her attention from the other two.
“I apologised. I want you to thank me for that. It took a lot of effort. I still can’t believe I went through with it.”
“Come over her,” Kaname said. “I’ll pat you on the head.”
“Nah, kiss her,” Akimi said. “I’m sure she’ll consider that worthwhile.”
“Stop associating me with your strange imaginings.”
“Tush,” Momomi said. “I feel so loved. You guys are useless.”
“Alright, more seriously,” Kaname said. “I’m glad. You’d have been a bloody idiot not to… but I know it’s not easy to overcome your pride.”
“Just so long as you understand,” Momomi said.
“Especially for someone like you.”
“You didn’t need to add that.”
“I thought I would, though. Anything else?”
“I explained things and my father has said he’ll consider giving me a few more weeks,” Momomi said. “But he didn’t make any promises. I just know he’s going to hold that over me. He’s dead against coming out here, he said he doesn’t have that kind of time to waste.”
“That’s troublesome. We can’t really work on your family before then. There’s a limit to the conspiracies that can be constructed by international rate phone-lines.”
“Well, some things can’t be done.” Momomi sighed. “That’s just the way it is. Let’s go.”
“We’ll be seeing you two around.” Amiki waved sardonically as she walked away. “A lot more than I’d like, by the sound of it, and starting this afternoon. Don’t be late on us.”
“Likewise.” Kaname followed Momomi.
“I don’t like it,” she said, the moment they were out of earshot.
“Hmm?” Momomi asked.
“I don’t like corroborating with those two. They can’t be trusted at all and they’re our natural opponents. I still want to finish them once and for all.”
“Me too, believe me. I’m not enjoying this alliance. Neither are they. But it’s exactly what you said. If we want to win this, we’ll have to swallow our pride. That goes for you as well as me.”
“I suppose so. But I don’t have to like it.”
“Just as long as you’re willing to sacrifice things alongside me,” Momomi said. “Otherwise we stand no chance.”
“I know that, already.” Kaname looked annoyed. “But there are limits. It’s just far too cowardly and low to have to crawl to your enemies for favours. And it’s truly a pain to be around them. I get annoyed just talking to them. You may remember, I’m more than willing to put one over your father, but even so. I didn’t like the idea of you apologising to him, either, especially when I can’t remember the last time you apologised to me.”
“Yes, I know,” Momomi said. “Well, I’ve no intention of making a habit of it, so don’t get too excited.”
“Actually, I think I’d be freaked out if you ever apologised. I just can’t imagine it. You’re really far too arrogant.”
“Point established. You’re exactly the same, you know.”
“Well, yes,” Kaname admitted. “My pride, such as it is, is important. Though you might think that I don’t have any pride, you’d be wrong, quite the reverse. It’s pride and honour, not in a fight, but in how I deal with people. Straight-forwardly. I hate your puppet-string stuff.”
“Pride only matters when you respect the opinions of those around you,” Momomi said. “I can make the distinction. But for you and me, we can count those individuals on the fingers of one hand.”
“You have more than one person?” Kaname laughed sarcastically. “Consider yourself lucky. I only have you, because I don’t show weaknesses to my enemies.”
“How about Amiki, then?” Momomi retorted. “Isn’t she an enemy too?”
“Yep. But not one worthy of any respect.”
“Well, I’m flattered. It seems I really am important to you.”
“As important as I am to you,” Kaname said. “So you can think about it. Don’t get any funny ideas.”
They ended up buying cheap lunch boxes at the canteen. Well, cheap was a relative measure at Astraea Lake. Kaname remained glad that stuff was free for her. After that, they walked through the forest, heading for the elm. As expected, Shion was already waiting for them. “Well?”
Momomi briefly recounted what had happened.
“Good thinking, Kiyashiki-san,” Shion said. “That should buy you some breathing space.”
“Actually, it was my idea, thank you very much.” Kaname looked annoyed.
“Really?”
“Don’t sound so surprised!”
“Well, I never knew that Kenjou-san cared so much about Kiyashiki-san,” Shion replied easily. “It doesn’t suit your reputation to expend effort helping other people. But it’s true when people say that you two go well together.”
People say that? People need better things to talk about. “Don’t misunderstand,” Kaname said out loud. “This is to punish Momomi’s father, that’s all. The enemy of my enemy is my friend.”
“What if she’s also the daughter of your enemy?” Shion asked. “And why is he your enemy anyway? Because of her?”
“Because he’s a rich, arrogant, annoying aristocrat who thinks he can just give orders and do what he pleases. Isn’t it obvious?”
“To you, perhaps. Sadly he’s not exactly unique in that respect.”
“In any case, to draw that bastard into a false sense of security. That was my intention. It’s what all the best generals have done throughout history. An enemy who considers themselves invincible is one who’s already half-way to losing.”
“My, my,” Shion said. “We’ll make a thinker of you yet.”
“She can only think in aggressive terms, though,” Momomi said, sitting down and balancing her lunch on her knees. “Well, I guess that’s to be expected. Let’s talk.”
“I can guess. You want my help, because you have every intention of staying at this school. Am I right?”
“Precisely. You’ve got better information, better standing, and more experience with this school than either of us. We can use that.”
“And in return?”
Kaname sat and opened her lunch box, allowing her mind to drift slightly. She’d always found negotiation painfully boring. Isn’t it better just to get on with things? I don’t even see the need for all these useless people. Shion… what the hell use was is weird third-year? Does Momomi collect them or something? It’s really annoying.
“We can help you,” Momomi said. “You said it yourself, that we have potential. Whatever weird things you want us to do, I’m sure we can manage it.”
“You’re not exactly the most popular or social of individuals. It’s not like there aren’t plenty of other people to use.”
“Ah, but how many of them are willing to listen to a mere random third year?” Momomi grinned. “Both our grades are top class. Kaname is second best in our year at sports and can beat out many people older than her, without effort. I’m an excellent speaker and actress; I can draw and write as well. We’re talented people, whether we apply ourselves or not.”
“Umeboshi,” Kaname said, looking discontentedly at her rice. “I hate umeboshi.”
“I suppose I don’t have much choice. Very well. In return for my help, you help me with one of my events. How about that?”
“I like them,” Momomi said. “Give it here. But what would that constitute, exactly?”
Kaname picked up the small, sour fruit with her chopsticks and offered it to Momomi.
“It’s impolite to do that, you know,” Shion sniffed. “Passing food between chopsticks. But saying what you’d have to do would be spoiling the surprise, now wouldn’t it?”
“It is?” Kaname said. “News to me. Why?”
“That’s what happens in funerals,” Momomi said. “And I’m getting suspicious now that you’re hiding something from me, Shion.”
“Really? Can’t say I’ve ever been to one,” Kaname mused, trying to look unconcerned. “I skipped my father’s, if he even had one… all these stupid rules.” She offered her chopsticks to Momomi’s lips instead, tapping her free hand impatiently.
“Is that even more impolite, or… I don’t know, I guess it’s only expected in the arena of flirting,” Shion said.
Kaname blushed. “Oh, for Christ’s sake, what do you want? I just don’t want to have to eat the damn thing! Who needs your godamn social laws?”
Momomi hesitated for a moment, then leaned forwards and ate the fruit. “There, done now.” She tried not to blush in turn. “Can we get on?”
“Finally…” Kaname looked down, returning to her rice. “Manners only get in the way.”
Shion sighed. “All you had to do was pass your bento over, you know? If I didn’t know you two better-”
“Don’t say it,” Kaname warned her. “I’m sick of it. What’s with this place? It’s like the rules are reversed and 95 of people are expected to be lesbians, not the other way round. It makes no sense.”
“Well, that figure almost holds up around here, if I can trust my sources,” Shion replied. “Make of that what you will. How about you, Kenjou-san?”
“I’m not answering that on principle. It’s too ridiculous to even discuss.”
“I wonder… But to try and return to the topic at hand. I don’t specify the details because I don’t know myself what the next big chance will be. But I’ll admit it would be useful to have you two at my disposal. Almost as good as Otori-san.”
Kaname almost choked on her rice. “So we’re just replacements for that bitch Amane now?”
“No, of course not,” Shion said hurriedly. “Truthfully, I’ve all but given up on Amane. She’s wonderful at what she does, but that’s it.”
“Exactly,” Kaname snapped. “Amane has no room for anyone in her life but herself. Remember that before you make stupid comparisons.”
“Well, you two are pretty narrow-minded as well. If you don’t mind me saying so, that is. But I suppose you have each other.”
“You’re still suggesting-”
“I’m not suggesting anything about romantic relationships, Kenjou-san,” Shion said. “I’m referring to platonic friendship. I might add that the only one acting strangely, flirting with food and jumping at the mere suggestion of the subject is you.”
“Well, don’t blame me. It’s that bitch Amiki, making her stupid comparisons all the damn time. What does she know about anything?”
Momomi smiled. “Looks like Kaname cares a little more about Amiki’s opinion than she likes to admit.”
“I do not! But there are some things that shouldn’t be open to misinterpretation. We aren’t even friends; we’re just allies of convenience.”
“Pretty much,” Momomi sighed. “Kaname’s always reminding me that we’ll go back to fighting after we’ve guaranteed my presence here by any means necessary.”
“I think I understand,” Shion said, resting her forehead on her hand. “Though you’re making my head ache. Right. I won’t mistake you going everywhere together, doing everything together, standing up for each other and working together on an important and difficult common goal for friendship any more.”
“That sounded like sarcasm,” Kaname noted.
“Really?”
Momomi giggled. “Alright, that’s enough playing around, don’t you think?”
“Don’t sound like that,” Kaname said seriously. “It’s way too girlish.”
“Well, that’s in comparison to you, who’s about as manly as a girl can get,” Shion noted. “I can accept that, but I shudder to think of Kiyashiki-san catering to your comfort zones.”
“I’m not that manly. This is another one of your exaggerations. I just have short hair because it’s convenient. That’s it.”
“It’s your handsome features.” Momomi grinned. “You can’t help it.”
“Now that’s what I call a backhanded compliment,” Shion said.
“In any case, Momomi doesn’t look like a guy. But I distinguish between a pretty girl and an airhead like… what’s that weird girl in Lulim?”
“Which one?” Momomi said. “I didn’t know normal girls attended Lulim.”
Shion rolled her eyes. “Very droll. But Momomi’s a pretty girl now?”
“I’m not afraid to say that much. She’s that much, as distinct from you, who’s plain, bossy and with a wide forehead.”
“I don’t want to hear that from a girl whose idea of dignified behaviour is trying to drop-kick a schoolmate while screaming at the top of her lungs.”
“Well, what would you do in that situation?” Kaname said scornfully. “Talk the enemy to death? I can protect what I need to.”
“Like Momomi, then?”
“Now, girls, please,” Momomi said. “You were both useful yesterday.”
“Like Momomi, perhaps,” Kaname retorted. “Again, as opposed to you. Of course, no one’s actually bothered to bully you.”
“That’s because I’m smart enough to keep myself out of trouble. Unlike you, who knows nothing but trouble and needs me to bail you out.”
“No, really,” Momomi said. “I appreciate it, but there’s no need to fight over me. I love you both, okay?”
As she’d expected, that stopped the argument cold.
“You’re two minutes late,” Olesa noted impassively, after lessons that day.
“Well, forgive us,” Kaname said. “I’m sure that’ll make a staggering difference. You could have brought out the mops while we were waiting, you know.”
“And have you make a habit of this?” Amiki chimed in. “Forget it. The work we’re doing, we’re doing together, and split between us. All of it.”
“Hey, you two aren’t the ones trying to cope with a major crisis here,” Kaname pointed out.
“You think I care?”
Momomi ran a casual hand through her hair. “We have ways of making you care.”
“Well, it doesn’t apply to this. We’ll do this fairly, or not at all.”
“We get it, we get,” Kaname said. “But, you know, we’re wasting time standing her and debating all that.”
“I know, already!” They went to the Church’s small cupboard, retrieving everything they’d need and walking back out.
“So, who’s doing what?”
“We’ll do the Church itself.” Momomi struggled with her bucket and mop. “You guys take the clock tower.”
“That’s impossible,” Olesa said. “However you look at it, the clock tower is far more work. Especially the stairs. I expect a fair division.”
“Are you kidding? I’m being saintly here. The Church itself is far larger. And the seats aren’t exactly helpful, either.”
“Shall we swap, then?” Amiki asked. “You enjoy staggering up and down that staircase with buckets of water in each hand. It’s a short walk to the tap from the Church’s floor, though.”
“Well, what do you suggest, then?” Momomi huffed.
“I’ll work on the Church floor, you the clock tower floor,” Olesa said. “Amiki on the windows. Kenjou-san can keep us supplied with clean water and the walls in the spare time.”
“Yeah, that’s fair.” Kaname scowled. “I do all the heavy lifting, Momomi gets what’s in your own words the harder of the two duties, Amiki only has to do the windows?”
“Windows are difficult, you know,” Amiki said. “You have to be very careful with the stained glass. It’s not like the walls, where you just wet it and that’s that.”
“Besides, isn’t that overcomplicated?” Momomi said.
“Well, fine. Amiki?”
“We’ll take the exterior. You two take the interior. How about that?”
“Drop dead,” Kaname said. “Right, my turn. I have a good one. We all do everything together one thing at a time without any division of labour. Is that fine with everyone, already?”
That was fine with everyone, already. They dumped their equipment in the corner of the Church and staggered outside, holding buckets in both hands. Momomi gritted her teeth, feeling the metal handles cut into her delicate skin. She wasn’t cut out for this. “What happened to your sidekicks, anyway? They weren’t at the showdown with the Etoiles.”
“They’ve received a separate, less arduous punishment,” Amiki said. “We cut them loose. There’s no point in pressing the issue.”
“Why the hell did you do that?” Kaname demanded.
“Well, we didn’t know Kariya would set such extravagantly difficult and exhaustive physical labour as our punishment,” Amiki said defensively. “If it was just isolation or something, the fewer the better. This way’s less convenient, though.”
“Don’t be too surprised. She’s inventive and sadistic. I swear blind she’s come up with punishments this school has never seen before, stuff beyond even the Sisters.”
“Kaname isn’t too fond of Kariya-sama,” Momomi explained, her lips quirking into a smile.
“I can tell,” Amiki said, starting to fill her buckets. “Well, I guess it’s because they’re so alike.”
“I am nothing like that psychotic lesbian dingbat. Remember that.”
“Well, the main distinction is that Kariya’s better behaved and has a responsible personality,” Momomi quipped. “It is a difference, Kaname, don’t worry.”
“Don’t you start,” the blue haired girl said. “As for you, the differences between Serané and your august self are too profound to chart. As distant as America after tectonic drift until that continent’s a long way away from us and global warming has brought sea levels to our knees as we stand.”
“Yes, yes. As far I’m concerned, that’s a good thing.”
“I think Kenjou-san was referring to her beauty, grace, mellow personality and saintly patience and interest in others,” Olesa said. “Am I right?”
“First time I’ve agreed with you, ever. But at least we’re comparable to the Etoiles. That’s more than you two are.”
“Well, I’m glad to see you’re all getting on so well,” Shion said, walking towards them. “You’re talking, which is more than I’d expected.”
“We’re talking to trade insults.” Kaname pushed past Amiki and began to fill her own buckets. “That’s hardly the best example of friendly communication.”
“Ah, but you don’t ever do anything but trade insults, Kenjou-san,” Shion said. “Even with your best friend.”
“Which one? I wasn’t aware I had a friend, as I’ve illustrated for you before.”
“Well, say girlfriend, then,” Shion said. “You were flirting at lunch, after all.”
“Really?” Amiki said. “I knew it!”
“God damnit,” Kaname said. “I don’t care who you think you or the fact that you’re a senpai, I’m going to break your nose in three places!”
“She’s safe as long as you’re holding the buckets,” Amiki observed. “But you’re way too defensive, Kaname. Methinks the lady doth protest too much.”
“What are you doing here, anyway?” Momomi said. “Grab a bucket and mop.”
“I don’t think so,” Shion replied, sitting on the verge of the grass and watching them idly. She flicked her fingers delicately through her hair. “I’d rather watch you all struggle, and provide you with encouragement and advice when you need it.”
“Wonderful,” Kaname said. “A backseat cleaner. Can such a thing even exist?”
“Well, I don’t know that much about cleaning,” Shion confessed. “I’ve never had to do anything like that. So I’ll just present you with generic advice, no?”
“This is ridiculous,” Kaname said, deciding to pretend that the third-year didn’t exist. She stepped back, letting Olesa take her place at the tap. Water sloshed in the buckets, but she managed to step back a decent distance without spilling any and put them down. “Child labour, I’m telling you. Does this school even employ cleaners?”
“I’m not sure,” Momomi replied. “I don’t think so.”
“But you know, I’m reminded of Jesus,” Kaname said. “Didn’t he have to go into a desert for forty days and forty nights or something? He’d have had to carry water in buckets, they didn’t have plastic in those days.”
“Are you sure it was forty days?” Momomi asked. “Wasn’t that the flood?”
“I don’t know. If it was the flood, there wouldn’t have been a water problem, anyway. Unless it was salt water. But I never got the whole two-by-two thing anyway. You try and get two elephants in front of two mice and behind two antelopes followed by two tigers to form an orderly queue. And what did they eat? They’d have needed a bunch of other animals to feed the meat eaters, or at least dead and prepared. Would you be comfortable in a boat with the dead flesh of your erstwhile comrades?”
“I’m more worried by the fact that you’re comparing yourself to the Messiah.” Olesa turned off the tap and stepped back. She struggled visibly with the weight, but gritted her teeth and struggled on before resting the buckets on the ground next to the others.
“Well, it follows, doesn’t it? The desert was a whole teenage rebellion thing, you know, temptation and all that crap. The Devil said this and that, you know, premarital sex, drugs, binge drinking, mmos, all that stuff… but Jesus was a daddy’s boy and told him to screw off. And then he left the desert again. What a boring guy.”
“He did die for your sins, you know,” Amiki offered. “Just pointing that out, if your little heathen brain can process it.”
“Well, that’s another thing I don’t get. He sacrificed himself for our sins. But I mean, again, it’s just because daddy says so and he doesn’t do anything to save himself even though he really could have done so, because of daddy. I mean, how lame is that? I’m sorry, I loosely understand the concept of filial obedience but if my father’s standing by while I’m having nails driven through my palms… there are limits. Besides, he’s fricking Jesus. Why didn’t he just save himself and everyone else at the same time? He’s the Son of God, already.”
Amiki rolled her eyes. “Well, he kinda did, you idiot. If I can be allowed to sink to your inane level. He came back from the dead, remember?”
“Why was that even necessary, though? A sacrifice? Yeah, right. He’s Jesus, he should be able to save everyone instantly. If a sacrifice is needed, then it’s meaningless because he gets up again a few days later. What kind of sacrifice is that? If it’s not about the sacrifice, the whole thing was pointless. Besides, why did God enjoy his son bleeding to death anyway? What kind of weird-ass redemption for mankind is that?”
“You have an excessively, even charmingly simplistic and naïve view of our faith,” Olesa noted quietly. “It would be endearing if it wasn’t so obnoxiously idiotic.”
“Yeah, right,” Kaname replied. “Whatever. I’m just telling it how it is. A prophet’s never loved in his own country or something, right?”
“That might be the case…” Momomi conceeded indulgantly. “But you’re not a prophet. You’re just an idiot.”
“What she said,” Amiki nodded. “Wait, I just agreed with Momomi. This is too fricking weird, already.”
“You say all that, but you don’t argue with me,” Kaname said. “Come on, tell me what makes Jesus so great anyway? Bleeding to death on a cross hardly requires training, now does it? Well…” Her voice tailed off when she noticed that the others had gone white.
“Shall I explain to you, Kenjou-san?” a voice asked imperiously.
“Eh, no need…” Kaname said, turning around slowly and facing Sister Kawakami. “I thought you weren’t overseeing this.”
“Oh, really?” the head of Spica said quietly.
“Well… yes.” Sensing that this was insufficient, she added. “I was joking. Joking! I know how great he is really, don’t worry… I just thought I’d lighten the tone! But I love him and God really, and they’re omnibenevolent so I’ll be sure to pray for forgiveness.”
The Sister’s lips pursed. “Well, if that’s the case, I’m sure you want mind coming to my office and talking about your faith.”
“Of… course not.” Kaname’s shoulders slumped. “No problem at all.”
The others watched as she was frog-marched off. “Well, that was interesting,” Amiki said. “I consider myself fairly religious, but I can’t say I envy her.”
“I don’t know,” Momomi said vaguely.
“What? You wouldn’t mind being in there, talking about that stuff? You never struck me as the religious type. You behave too badly for that.”
“That’s not it,” Momomi replied, ignoring Amiki’s hypocricy. “It just occurs to me that we’ve been left here with the buckets.”
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