Astraea Lake (part 73 of 76)

a Strawberry Panic fanfiction by Lestaki

Back to Part 72 Untitled Document

It would appear that Amane/Koike Kaname/Momomi as BAD ENDING. Just without the boat. Oh, well.


“Don’t fuck with me! I want answers, now, and if I have to shove your pretty face through the hedge to get them that’s just fine.”

“Is there something wrong, Kenjou-san? You appear a little agitated.”

“Last warning,” Kaname said with deceptive softness.

“Scary.” Koike raised her hands. “Well, I don’t know what’s going on, but I suppose I can tell you my part in this. My conversation with Amane-chan yesterday was very limited, though. Pleasantries at best, rudeness at worst… with a singular exception.”

“A singular exception?”

“I took her aside for a few minutes and decided to give my old friend a bit of advice.” Koike raised a finger happily. “I told her she was wasting her time being so reserved and cold. I told her she should stop messing around and get closer to Phareli-san, already. And I said it was pretty obvious she was attracted to the girl.”

“You said what?” Kaname shouted.

“I told you. I said she should hurry and advance her relationship with Phareli-san. But Amane-chan denied everything, of course. She said she had nothing more than a passing interest in the girl.” Koike turned away, staring at the roses again. “Amane-chan has always been a very bad liar, though. I think I’m right here. Even if I’m not, something interesting is beginning…”

Kaname stepped forwards, grabbing the girl’s hair and twisting it slightly. “You know, it’s interesting, but there’s no one else here. You should know that.” She pulled Koike’s head back, staring into the girl’s eyes. “So why don’t you take the time to tell me why I shouldn’t rip your fat little head off and kick it into the lake?”

“What do you think?” Koike asked calmly. “You should know the situation better than me. Even I can’t know whether I’ve been useful or damaging for you without that information.”

“Momomi is pissed beyond belief, because there’s something Amane’s not telling her, and Amane said it had nothing to with her, and that makes her feel like she’s already completely wasted her time.” Kaname glared. “And that’s damaging our relationship, as well! The more annoying Amane gets, the more Momomi makes it her problem and tries to fix it! And that’s your fault, damnit!”

“So, basically, my advice has made Amane-chan become more distant from Phareli-san… how cruel of her. But then again, she’s always been a contrary kind of girl.”

Kaname blinked. “Even if you say that, though-”

“That’s why I said that. If I was to say, ‘stay away from Phareli-san’, Amane would dismiss me as her jealous ex who didn’t even get to be an ex. This way, she’ll become agitated and try to distance herself from the one she is attracted to. She’s extremely predictable in that respect.” Koike smiled wistfully. “Of course she’ll always do the opposite of what I say is best for her…”

“I could care less about that! Your meddling has seriously screwed things up for me!”

“How? In what way?” Koike glanced at her, forehead wrinkling. “Even if I say that wasn’t my intention, you won’t believe me. But it wasn’t my intention, and in any case a more distant Amane is all the better for her.”

“You sure speak with the benefit of a wonderful hindsight, but things didn’t have to turn out this way,” Kaname said, slightly more calmly. She released the girl’s hair. “If you’re even telling the truth about what you said, of course. But while you’re sitting here pulling strings in an ivory tower, I’m dealing with this crap in the real world!”

“If Amane took my advice, it would provoke her to take further action and trigger a contest she would lose and you would win. This way, though, she alienates Phareli-san and you will still win. The only negative outcome, from my perspective, would be if she didn’t do anything at all. I told you before, didn’t I? Things as they are the worst for me, you, them and everyone involved. I’d rather have a decisive rupture.”

Momomi said something like that. Right before she left. “And that’s your decision to make, is it? You and your fucking arrogance, sitting here and claiming you control us all! What gives you the right to decide?”

“I have no right, of course. I made a choice for my own selfish motives.”

“So you admit-”

“But! But that’s fine.” Koike glanced at her. “Even if I have very complicated logic, all I did was offer an old friend a single piece of advice. And, if I were a good friend, I would also give Amane that advice. I haven’t done anything wrong.”

“So this chaos is fine, is it?”

“If there is chaos, that would definitely be an over-reaction to what I said.” Koike chuckled. “It’s nice, actually. It looks like Amane-chan still cares about what I say after all.”

“You’re saying you weren’t hoping for your ‘decisive rupture’ after all?” Kaname demanded, eyes narrowing. “Start making sense! It would be nice if you spoke consistently.”

“Well, what can I say? This wouldn’t be enough to make stable people change drastically.” Koike shrugged. “None of us are stable, though. That’s all.”

“And so now destabilising people is sensible, is it?”

“Sometimes, yes. What do you think, Kenjou-san?” Koike turned to face her. “Phareli-san, your girlfriend, and the singular girl with the interest of Amane-chan… the rumours get more interesting every day. Wouldn’t you be happier if she was just your girlfriend, no more?”

“Of course not,” Kaname replied. “Momomi can have whatever friends she likes-”

“Really?” Koike asked, disinterest riding on her voice. “Well, that’s fine, then. If you don’t care then the answer is simple.”

“What?”

“I don’t know what’s happened, because someone is dodging the question, but I do know one thing. Amane-chan can resolve it, most likely, by being honest with herself and Phareli-san. You, too, though, can resolve it by being honest with Phareli-san, and telling her everything I’ve told you.” Koike stuck her hands in her pockets. “That’s nice and simple, isn’t it?”

“You make everything sound very clear-cut, don’t you?” Kaname demanded. “Unfortunately, the truth isn’t some magical sword that will cut through relationship problems just like that.”

“Well, quite. It’s often the opposite, naturally. But that’s hardly the point. If you really aren’t worried about Amane you have options. But I wouldn’t be so casual.” Koike looked at the roses, rubbing a finger against the palm of her other hand. “I told you before, but Amane-chan is an unfortunate rival for you.”

“I’m not afraid of her.”

“So why were you so agitated just now? Surely there would be no ‘chaos’ if there was ‘nothing to fear’?”

“Temporary arguments aren’t the same thing as a broken relationship. I’ll be fine. But I’d still be even better without you wreaking everything.”

“I told you, all I did was provide some advice. Don’t forget that.” Koike shook her head irritably. “But wouldn’t it be even better still if Amane wasn’t bothering you two at all? I thought you hated her.”

“Of course I hate her,” Kaname growled. “And of course I hate having her near Momomi. But that’s got nothing to do with anything, as Momomi would hate me if I forced the issue. That kinda defeats the point.”

“Oh? So you aren’t constrained by morals as such, but rather a fear of Phareli-san’s hatred.” Koike glanced at her. “And how about the alternative? What if someone could make Amane separate herself from Phareli-san without ever implicating you at all?”

“Nothing in this world is that clean. And while we’re on the subject, you shouldn’t pretend to be some kind of philanthrope.” Kaname smirked. “You just want another chance at Amane, right?”

“Wrong. My chances of being with Amane are zero now. That’s done with.”

“So what else is motivating you? A pure and selfless love? Do you want her to be happy?” Kaname laughed out loud. “Don’t make me sick. Someone like you had better not lay claim to a motive that pure, especially when your actions don’t even make sense…”

“Oh, of course. I’m not being kind. Quite the opposite. Just because I’m not trying to seduce her, that doesn’t mean I want other girls to get close to her. The Perez girl wasn’t anything special; she’s always had people like that. But Phareli is different. That’s why.”

“That’s a pretty stupid attitude, isn’t it? So you want your loved one to be miserable?”

Koike shrugged. “She may not be happy from what I do. I doubt it will make her miserable. But if we’re truthful, is this really going to make her happy? Even if she steals Phareli-san from you, that won’t please her. If she fails, it will be even worse, and I’m sure she’ll fail. And the equilibrium is worst of all. Watching you two and all your friends, when she’s always alone…”

“Whatever. Is that actually your reason, though? Or are you just justifying yourself in ways that make you sound good? If that’s the case, it’s all irrelevant.”

Koike nodded. “You’re right, of course. My actual reason isn’t like that. It doesn’t make sense.”

“You haven’t made sense since I got here. So shoot.”

“Well, it’s hard to put into words, but Amane is herself. I’d rather she remained an untouchable goddess, forever.” Koike laughed. “As if that makes sense, I know. I’m very cruel.”

“Yeah.” Kaname frowned. “But it makes sense.”

“Really? That’s nice to know. But do you know why I think like that?”

“You’re going to tell me, undoubtedly.”

“Because I couldn’t reach her at all. So it would make me feel a lot better if she never returned anyone’s feelings, and always remained alone. If I’m like that, I won’t compare myself over and over to her girlfriend, wondering what it is I lack…”

“Oh, I don’t know. Tough one that. A conscience? A sense of proportion? Empathy? Sanity?”

“Very glib. But comparing myself to other people isn’t mystyle.” Koike smiled. “But Amane-chan is not a kind person, either. If she’s lonely, that doesn’t displease me. She certainly didn’t stop to consider my feelings when she threw me out before…”

“What are you complaining about now? You talk too much.”

“You’re right. Now you talk to me? Why are you threatening me? What chaos have I caused? Why are you so agitated?” Koike glanced at her, eyes amused. “Do tell, Kenjou-san. You’ve been defensive for long enough.”

“It’s got nothing to do with you,” Kaname muttered, looking away.

“I caused it, didn’t I? That’s a good qualification, if you ask me.”

“Even if you caused it, you’re still in your ivory tower. I’m the one who’s involved. So you just stay here and do nothing while I go out and solve this damn problem myself.”

“So that’s your attitude, is it? Fine, I’ll guess.” Koike glanced at her. “Amane-chan is being defensive and that means Phareli-san is increasingly considering that her problem. As a result, she’s expending more and more effort on Amane, not you. That’s right, isn’t it?”

“I admitted that much yourself. No need for too much pride.”

“In any case, that proves your casualness earlier was a lie. If jealousy can instil such passion in you, you definitely care about whether or not Amane and Momomi spend time together.”

“I don’t give a damn if it’s in a general sense. That’s fine. But when Momomi’s wasting her time and effort on a girl who snubs her, insults her and is barely civilised at best, outright hostile at worst, instead of keeping up with one of the only times I spend with her in the day… that’s when I give a damn. It just pisses me off.”

“I see. Well, that isn’t surprising. From your perspective, Amane-chan is bad for Phareli, right? Just as Amane regards you as bad for Phareli, she said as much to me, even if it wasn’t in so many words.”

“Ha. As if I’m surprised by that…”

“Well, that’s the kind of situation that will resolve itself eventually. You can tell Phareli-san what is wrong or not, as you please. It has nothing to do with me.” Koike glanced at her. “Alternately, Amane can tell Phareli, as I said before. If that happens, the very fact that she has overcome her fear and mistrust of others will mean I’ll be satisfied. And that, for once, is a genuine sentiment.”

Kaname shrugged. “That has nothing to do with me, right?”

“That’s correct. I’ll leave it in your hands.”

“You shouldn’t do anything from now on.”

“I haven’t done anything yet. And I don’t make any promises, either. I don’t take your orders, Kenjou-san. But for now, I’ll just see how things turn out.” Koike folded her arms, smiling. “How about you? Are you going to let this all recede nicely? Or do you actually want a struggle after all? Can you tell me, Kenjou-san? What do you really want from this situation?”

“That has nothing to do with you.” Kaname glared. Those words are being used far too much in recent times…

“Of course. Well, if you ever need any support, come and see me. We have mutual interests, after all.”

“I’ll go without. Just tell me one thing.”

“Hmm?”

“Why would Amane be so bothered by the things you say? She doesn’t give a damn about people. You know her somehow, I’ve worked out that, but how?”

“You really were inattentive when you were younger… or perhaps you really did have eyes for no one but Amane. We’ve seen each other before, though. I had longer hair, then.”

Kaname frowned. “Longer hair?”

“You’re hopeless.” Koike sighed. “The story is a simple and boring one. A shorter, long-haired girl fell for a taller, handsome girl. The troublesome thing was that they were roommates and friends, close friends, best friends, so she knew that confessing would ruin their friendship. It grew in her and grew in her, though, the things that she left unspoken, until they burst.” Koike cocked her head. “Sound familiar?”

“Just a little…”

“Then Amane-chan rejected me. But I don’t mean that she simply rejected me. I mean she rejected me, everything about me, my feelings and my friendship and everything we had in common. Eventually, we were given different rooms. That’s it.”

“No wonder you bear a grudge. But wouldn’t it be easier to give up? Isn’t it just a little sad to cling onto this?”

“Perhaps. But this way, I get to see interesting things. In any case, even if we’re apart now, she still listens to me, because I know everything about her. I understand Amane. I know ten thousand times as much as Phareli-san does, Amane’s past and her present and her thoughts and her feelings… all of it. I was that kind of friend.” Koike chuckled. “But that’s why she sent me away, I think. She didn’t want to have to face that kind of person.”

“Is that so?” Kaname folded her arms. “Well, you don’t exist in a vacuum. Nor can you just do what you like. If you get in my way any more, you’ll pay.”

“And I don’t take your orders.” Koike chuckled. “I’m sure Phareli-san would say the same thing. So, good afternoon, Kenjou-san. There isn’t all that much of lunchtime left…”

“Well, you should be careful.” Kaname turned and began to walk away.

“I’ll be watching your future actions with great interest. Everything is in your hands, Kenjou-san.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Well, this is your game to lose. You have a winning hand, so unless you make a mistake that will be that… unless you choose to fold. This conflict isn’t strictly necessary. But it might, perhaps, be desirable for you. I’ll leave that decision to you as well.”

“How about you? What are you going to do?” Kaname demanded. “You’re planning something, aren’t you?”

“Oh? Not really. I’m just playing things by the ear.” Koike smirked. “It’s interesting, isn’t it? Even if I say nothing but small things, I can cause events to snowball spectacularly… it’s quite the thrill.”

Kaname snorted. “You’re a chessplayer, aren’t you? Just prodding us here or there, as you like? Am I wrong?”

“Hmm. I prefer the term puppeteer. I don’t mean that in a malicious way, or one implying too much control. No, perhaps animal tamer is the best term. You three will act very freely, I just add new stimuli and see whether you react in the right way.”

Kaname’s lips formed a small smile. “That’s fun, isn’t it?”

“A little, yes. At the very least, it kills my boredom.” Koike frowned. “But I really have done very little, after all. I just enjoy my position as a spectator on this muddle.”

“But your logic is far too grand for that, of course. That’s more than a mere spectator. You’d like to influence us all in the ways that please you.”

“Of course. Is that unusual?”

“No. But most people don’t go this far.” Kaname closed her eyes and folded her arms, shrugging theatrically. “But you know, you remind me of someone.”

“Oh?”

“Momomi, before she met me.” Kaname glanced at her, crimson eyes impassive. “She was bored and lonely and manipulative and had very grand theories about everything and everyone. She said she enjoyed standing apart and playing games with people, and arranged some very convoluted traps. She also claimed that she was a non-entity, a personality who became whatever she needed to be. But that’s a little too grand for her. The truth is that she was mostly a slightly smug, very smart girl who played little games with people. She said that was her happiness, insofar as she had any.”

“You shouldn’t compare her with me, you know. It isn’t anything close to like with like.” Koike smirked. “Of course, I could count the ways in which you are like Amane-chan… but there wouldn’t be much point.”

“But at the end of the day, Momomi wasn’t particularly inhuman. She was a very real and vulnerable girl, ignored by most people. And even if she said she was happy, she was just sad and lonely. I know for a fact that her manipulations only increased her own sense of distance, and she’s retooled and downscaled them ever since she gained friends.”

“Don’t lecture me. I’m not interested in your stupid assumptions…”

“Assumptions?” Kaname asked. “Who said anything about assumptions? I’m just talking about Momomi, who I know. Don’t you want to know more about her, the girl who captured Amane’s heart?”

“I know more than enough already. I’m not interested in any limited insight you could bring to bear… you’re far too obtuse for that.”

“Like her, you’re almost cute when you’re defensive.” Kaname stuck her hands in her pockets. “Well, whatever. Do what you like.”

“The same to you.”

“Just don’t get too caught up in hanging around rose gardens and playing around with people who don’t really care for you. Yuho, at least, has your back. There are worse people for someone like you, remember that.”

Koike chuckled. “You’ll have to come a very long way indeed before you can think of giving me advice, Kenjou. When you’ve sorted out your own messed-up life and know more than a few sentences about me, we can talk. In the meantime, you should be more like yourself. A snake without her fangs won’t ever triumph, after all.”

“Whatever. Happy hunting, or whatever it is you do here.”

Kaname walked away, frowning deeply. Yeah…a snake without fangs, huh? What does that make her? A hawk without claws? I can’t even hate someone like that. She’s altogether too miserable. But that’s not my problem. If people choose to live that way, it can’t be helped. I should know. I’m the same kind of person.

Momomi drew her blazer tighter about her as she trudged through the school grounds, looking down miserably. She shivered. It’s cold out. It’s definitely way too cold out. I guess this really is winter after all. A couple of first year students ran past her, heading somewhere in a great hurry. The library? No, that’s the wrong way. The Church? Whatever. They’re way too noisy, wherever they’re going and however important it is.Momomi scowled at the thought, glancing up irritably at winter’s mediocre sunlight. I’m lucky, because I don’t have to go through the pain and embarrassment of remembering when I was like that at school. You didn’t run in the Phareli household, after all. Phareli move slowly, with dignity and grace. Even their children, it’s an inviolable thing. Children should be quiet, studious, well-educated, graceful, polite and clean. In short, children should be miniature adults that grow into proper adults by the way of growing adults. What’s childhood, then? Is it merely the span of time dividing birth from puberty? Or does that word imply some kind of release from responsibility? I didn’t know at the time, of course, but even my hobbies were guided by the proprietary of the Phareli. Araldo can learn about business and suchlike, but the girls should paint and write poetry like good little girls. Too bad Luigia is the competent one. But nonetheless, when I remember that, I can’t help but envy those girls just now. How many of them are like me, and using this place as a release? How many of them are normal? Do they know how lucky they are? I wonder…about a lot of things.

What am I talking about? Don’t joke around. Momomi looked upwards, forcing a smile on her face. How ridiculous. There’s no point in recalling such things now. What my childhood is like doesn’t matter, because it won’t excuse anything. I’m intelligent enough to make my own decisions and I am who I am. I can take responsibility. Kaname too, even if she had an even worse childhood than me in quite the opposite manner to my own…Momomi sighed. But that’s even more irrelevant. Kaname shouldn’t have said those things. It’s way too troublesome. Her hatred of Amane is just unreasonable, as was her attitude, when it was only a single meeting anyway. She’s way too clingy, however I look at it. I may be her first true friend, but that’s still no excuse… and she was my first true friend, too, but that’s got nothing to do with it. I don’t ask for too much. I don’t ask for much at all. Well, I have my expectations as a girlfriend, but I also need more space than she’s willing to give me. And she doesn’t properly consider my feelings, either. If she was more sensitive and considerate, these things wouldn’t happen in the first place. It’s not my fault. I have nothing to do with it. I just have something important to do, that’s all. I always support her when she has something to do, such as opposing Amane, even though it doesn’t really make me happy…it’s important to her. But that’s Kaname for you, isn’t it? Half the time, she holds on tighter than an elephant on an Apache. The rest of the time, she fixates on Amane so badly it’s like I don’t even exist. And I never complain about that, do I? Why do I have to look at no one but her, all the time? Is that fair on me? Momomi sighed miserably. Why does it always turn out this way? It doesn’t make me happy at all. How about her? Does she care? Is she as tough as she’s supposed to be after all? Yeah, right. I’ve never believed that. Is she still mad? Is she still hurt? Is she sorry? I don’t know. She’ll never tell me. What am I supposed to do?

Momomi shook her head hurriedly, trying to clear her chaotic thoughts. I don’t need this. I have to focus. I have to sort out things with Amane, first. That’s the point, isn’t it? Though now I’m more annoyed about all the things Kaname said to me, but that’s not the point. Besides, if I don’t achieve something like this there wouldn’t be a decent reason to have an argument in the first place. I need to focus. Momomi rubbed her eyes, sighing deeply. And did she really say ‘I love you?’ or that kind of thing? I didn’t imagine that, did I? Why would Kaname ever say that? But it makes me feel even more rotten… that’s enough. It’s not my fault. I don’t have anything to be ashamed of! Momomi chuckled ironically. Or not, whatever. Guilt can keep for now, I have things to do.

Amane was in the stables.

As always. Amane is always in the stables; Kaname is always in our room. I have very predictable friends. Momomi looked inside, finding Amane kneeling in front of one of the horses and doing something odd with its foot. “Am I interrupting anything?”

Amane glanced up briefly, her eyes widening, then she looked down again. “Somewhat.”

“Somewhat? What kind of answer is that?”

“I’m busy. But if you aren’t too intrusive, I can manage.”

“Well, aren’t you gracious?” Momomi demanded sarcastically. She felt a little better at that. Being mildly annoyed with Amane was a lot easier than exploring her other emotions right now.

“Not really.”

“That was rhetorical.” Momomi sighed, walking across the stable and smiling at Sol as she neighed in recognition. “What are you doing, anyway? Checking them for athlete’s foot?”

“Just checking them. No hoof, no horse.”

Momomi sighed. “As conscientious as ever… what is the school going to do when you leave?”

“They can find another enthusiast. But why are you here?”

“No particular reason,” Momomi muttered, stroking Sol’s neck. “Do I need one now? This isn’t your property.”

“This is the first time, that’s all. Isn’t Kenjou getting annoyed by now?”

“What’s that got to do with anything?” Momomi replied, more confidently than she actually felt. “She can get a little annoyed. It’s not a problem. How about you? After you didn’t ride earlier, are you still telling me there’s nothing wrong? That’s the first time as well…”

“I’m telling you no more than I did earlier.”

“Which was nothing at all.” Momomi sighed. “You’re so unbelievably frustrating… how bad can it possibly be? Believe me, you should just say it now. Bad rumours can be arranged.”

“It wasn’t anything important. I’ve just been in an introspective mood. But you have as much to do with Koike as I do with Kenjou. It’s my private matter. If you’re trying to intrude, that isn’t my concern. So forget it.”

“I didn’t say anything!”

“You were going to.” Amane released the horse’s leg and stood up.

“That doesn’t make that right. And so what if I was? In case you haven’t noticed, I’m trying to be a good friend to you!”

“You’re too persistent.”

“What else am I supposed to do, when you’re so stubborn?” Momomi demanded. “Have you ever even looked at yourself? You’re alone! You don’t have any friends at all. But if you keep being that defensive, you’ll worry the people who do genuinely care about without having anyone but your damned fangirls!”

“I can make my own decisions.”

“Of course! But that doesn’t mean you’re always right!” Momomi said heatedly. “If I think you’re wrong, I’ll tell you. If I need to be persistent, I’ll be persistent. That’s the point of me being a friend to you, whether you like it or not.”

“I know that. But that doesn’t have any bearing on matters between Koike and me.”

“What is the situation between you two, anyway? At least tell me that?”

Amane frowned. “How much do you know?”

“Nothing at all. Someone hasn’t been telling me anything at all…”

“Well, she used to be my roommate. So I know her.” Amane picked up a brush and started to groom the horse. “That’s all there is to say.”

“You were her roommate?” Momomi’s brow wrinkled. “Wait, when you say roommate do you mean the-”

“That’s all there is to say.”

“So what does she want with you? Is she trying to seduce you or something?”

“It has nothing to do with you. I won’t let Koike trouble you when we’re together, but I won’t let you go behind her back either. What’s between us is between us. No more and no less. That’s all I have to say on that.”

“Well, whatever it is, it’s obvious that it’s worrying you! Why can’t you tell me anything at all?”

“It’s be troublesome. What would be the point?”

“Eh?”

“Even if I told you, nothing changes. So why should I describe it to you?”

“Because it’ll make you feel better, already.”

“I’m fine.”

“Like hell you are!”

“Even if I’m not, it’s my call to make. It doesn’t have anything to do with you.”

“So what do I have to do to make it to do with me?” Momomi shouted. “What more do you want me to do?”

Amane glanced at her, puzzled. “Why are you bothered? It isn’t your problem, is it?”

“Don’t you get it? It’s because I’m your friend, or rather I’m trying to be your friend, only you don’t trust me at all… I want to be someone you can talk to but I’m failing miserably, and I’m not sure what it is I’m doing wrong… and you don’t even care.”

“I appreciate that. But this isn’t something I can talk about, regardless of circumstances.”

“Oh? I see. That’s good.” Momomi looked down, fists balling. “So I completely wasted me time coming here? That’s just wonderful…”

“Is there something wrong? You don’t look well.”

“No, there’s nothing wrong. Of course not. I’m fine.” Momomi leaned on the door, avoiding Amane’s stare. “Even if I did have a problem, it wouldn’t have anything to do with you, right? It wouldn’t be something I’d tell you about.”

“If you say so… but you don’t look well at all.” Amane frowned. “You should worry about yourself, not me. I’m fine.”

“Shut up. You don’t even have the right to worry about me any more.”

“I’m not happy about this or anything. But you wouldn’t want to know anyway.”

“I want to know! But that’s not the point! I want you to want me to know!” Momomi glared at her. “But that’s impossible, I know that now. Even if I come here after that row, nothing changes… Kaname was right. It’s completely pointless.”

“You’re crying.”

“I am not crying!” Momomi shouted, rubbing her eyes. “And in any case, it has nothing to do with you! I’m just sick of this feeling! You kick me around however you like, and Kaname’s no different!”

“Kenjou?” Amane took a step forwards, frowning dangerously. “What has she done to you?”

“It’s nothing to do with you,” Momomi muttered, looking in the opposite direction. “Forget it.”

“If she’s been hurting you-”

“Shut up! It’s your fault anyway!”

“I don’t care about that,” Amane said. “What has she done to you? She’s the person who should always be kind to you.”

“Don’t make me laugh. Nothing’s that convenient. We had a row, that’s all. Over whether I came or went this lunchtime, thanks to a certain stubborn rider…”

“You had an argument?”

“Of course. We’re real people, thanks, not any crappy romance novels you’ve read. And for that matter, we argued about you again. I’m just sick and tired of it all… it’s like I can’t do anything right with you two any more.” Momomi rested her forehead against the wood. “Not just you two, even. Olesa and Amiki might be leaving the school, I haven’t seen the Etoiles in a while and Shion’s busy with the play. It’s not fair.”

“I see…”

“But it’s Kaname who hurts me the most. Sometimes he makes no sense to me at all. She’s sometimes careless, sometimes overprotective, she’s impatient and clingy and stubborn and she gets angry easily, and I can’t back down either. So we end up having these stupid rows, for the sake of our own egos. And because she never, ever apologises, I don’t even know what she thinks of me after those times…”

“So why are you here?”

Momomi glanced at her, shocked. “What are you saying?”

“I’m asking why you are here. If you’re arguing with Kenjou, that should be your worry. She’s your girlfriend, isn’t she?” Amane glared. “So don’t waste your time here with me!”

“Don’t you care about anything that I do?”

“My feelings are irrelevant, aren’t they?” Amane walked forwards swiftly, standing in front of Momomi and grabbing her shoulders. “Look at me!” Momomi looked up, her eyes filled with tears. “Get a sense of perspective! If you’re coming here to talk to me for ridiculous reasons when you should be with her, even I won’t forgive you! Making up with her is what will give you happiness, isn’t it?”

“What are you talking about-”

“You heard me! But I’ll repeat it. Kenjou is more important than me. She’s more important to you, and she cares a lot more about you than I do. So it’s obvious, isn’t it?” Amane looked down at her with intense red eyes. “She’s the one you like. That’s where your commitment lies, so stop playing around!”

“Just because she’s my girlfriend, that doesn’t mean I can’t be something else to anyone else! I want to be your friend!”

“And I want to be your friend, but I don’t know if that’s possible. Kenjou comes first, Koike is important to me in a strange way, and life isn’t convenient… and I’m not a good person, so forget it.” Amane took a deep breath, relaxing slightly and smiling. “But if you can’t even please her, why would anyone else like you? You’re hurt, she’s hurt too, so go to her again. Isn’t that obvious, idiot? Everything else follows on from that, and even if you have to sacrifice everything else, at least you’ll have something… the most important thing…”

Momomi hugged her tightly, burying her face in Amane’s shoulder. “That’s enough… shut up already… you’re annoying.”

Amane looked at the ceiling. “So this is what it feels like. Not happy, is it?”

Onwards to Part 74


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