I dislike writing fluffy happiness, it always makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong. More than that, I often am doing something wrong. But they can't be miserable all the time, either, so... enjoy?
But it wouldn't be me without some good, healthy angst. That wouldn't change even if I did own Strawberry Panic.
Kaname shrugged. “Biology, I guess.” She walked over to their desk, rooting through the books and locating the relevant ones. “Remember, we have to work hard. This exam is no joke.”
“I know, I know.” Momomi pouted. “I do have a half-decent memory, you know. You don’t have to keep on reminding me.”
“Some things bear repeating, that’s all,” Kaname explained, walking back and sitting on the bed. “This is something I say for myself, as well.” She touched the floor with her legs, then kicked out slightly.
“Oh?” Momomi allowed her legs to fall sideways, resting on the covers and brushing Kaname gently. She rested her chin on her hands and smiled. “This really is something that can make even you serious, isn’t it?”
Kaname nodded. “Even for me, it’s not a negotiable thing, no. Like I said before, this is something that has to be done.”
Momomi frowned thoughtfully. “You do work surprisingly hard from time to time, don’t you? I didn’t know you had it in you.”
“I told you. This is a matter where I have no choice.” Kaname closed her eyes. “In case you’ve forgotten, I came from there. When I put my mind to it, my focus can be ferocious. That doesn’t have anything to do with how lazy I am the rest of the time.”
“I see. That’s pretty admirable.”
“You have it too, if you can work so damn hard on that waste-of-time script,” Kaname muttered.
“It’s not a waste of time, exactly. I’ll be getting something out of it.” Momomi leaned forwards, taking Kaname’s arm and looking up at her with cunning eyes. “So, Kaname, are you going to audition for a part in my opus?”
“Not interested,” Kaname muttered.
“Why not? You’d probably be a good actor. If you speak like you do normally, that’d be fine in itself… you have a theatrical mind. And a great talent for improvisation, even if it’s me saying that.”
Kaname snorted. “What’s that got to do with anything? You couldn’t force me on a stage with a crowbar. Standing up there and shouting at everyone, extra work and no real gain, I don’t give a damn. You can do what you like. But it doesn’t interest me.”
“Not even for the two of us?” Momomi asked. “This would be a good way to gain popularity.”
“I’m not interested in that, either.”
“Ha. So you’d rather stay like this?”
“This is fine,” Kaname snapped. “I’ve stayed like this ever since I’ve been here.”
Momomi shook her head. “This is fine if you have to be this way. But we both have the potential to be more than this. You know that. Do you like being an outcast?”
“I don’t really care.” Kaname folded her arms defiantly. “All that would take a lot of effort, and there’s no gain for me at the end either.”
Momomi snorted, pulling her hand away and folding them together. “No gain? Well, quite part from people not hating us, we’d be able to make use of them. Didn’t you hear what Shion said?”
“Shion is Shion. She lives in her own world anyway.”
“Still, she’s right about this. And I, for one, could do a lot better than her. I’m sure of it.” Momomi looked away thoughtfully. “She’s a thinking person, but she dislikes centre-stage. That’s where we’re different.”
“Anything the majority of this school has to give isn’t anything I’m interested in,” Kaname repeated. “To be honest, I prefer things this way. It’s quiet and no one bothers us. That’s fine, isn’t it?”
“Well, I don’t think so. I don’t know about you.” Momomi glowered. “I lost my reason to act like that when my father let me be. Since then, I’ve pretty much been waiting for a chance.”
“Good for you. But I’ve thought about that, and I don’t want to get involved.” Kaname closed the Biology book, dropping all pretence of work, and glared at her. “Didn’t you hear Amane? Do you want to be the one going through that crap?”
“Yes, actually. I can handle those situations.” Momomi shook her head. “Besides, aren’t you the one who poured scorn on her for complaining about that?”
“Just because I think someone like her should be able to deal with it, doesn’t mean I want to deal with it myself,” Kaname replied. “That’s just bloody sensible. We’re not alike in that respect.”
“Oh? And so you’re less able to deal with it than she is? Is that it?” Momomi shook her head. “I never thought I’d hear you say she was your better.”
Kaname snorted. “Now you’re just trying to provoke me.”
“Well, it’s working, isn’t it?” Momomi replied, with affected carelessness. “More seriously, though, I’m interested in how you answer that question. Because I already know you can deal with these things just as well as her. Probably better than she does.”
Kaname pursed her lips irritably. “I told you. I could care less whether I have the ability or not, I’m not inclined to face that stuff. Normal people annoy me and just the shit I get from you and Amane is bad enough-”
Momomi snorted. “So that’s my fault now, isn’t it?”
“Well, how isn’t it? You’re the one who provoked them by attention whoring with Amane.”
Momomi scowled. “You would do very well to take that back.”
Kaname glared at her, red eyes unrelenting. “Well, that’s the way it is, isn’t it?”
“I’m not responsible for their actions, I didn’t ask for them to do that,” Momomi retorted, her voice low and cold.
“You knew what was going to happen. That was the point of the exercise!”
“And should I let that knowledge control me? Isn’t that just sad, to constrain myself because of them?” Momomi glowered back. “If you ask me, to act one way or another as a result of them would be the actions of a very weak person. Isn’t that acknowledgement enough of their power over you?”
“It’s nothing so dramatic. It’s a matter of practicality…”
“And isn’t that practicality just ludicrous? I shouldn’t make new friends, because people might ask Kaname about it… and I won’t even comment on the attention whore thing.” Momomi closed her eyes and turned her face away. “Sorry, but if you’re that jealous of Amane, you need a better excuse than that.”
Kaname rolled her eyes. “Yeah, that’s one good way to gloss over the issue.”
“And is what you called me any different?” Momomi irritably thrust a tawny lock out of her eyes. “But if it is a matter of the people, that’s even more ludicrous. Way beyond antisocial.”
“It’s nothing like that. It’s just inconvenient for me, while offering no benefits. You know I hate this stuff, that’s just the way I am.” Kaname shook her head irritably. “It’s bloody inconsiderate of you.”
“Has it occurred to you that I can do harmless things without aiming to benefit you in some way? I’m not your property or your body double.” Momomi pushed herself forwards, sliding her feet over the bed and placing them on the floor. “Get used to me doing something this harmless, already.”
“Well, isn’t it irritating, though?” Kaname replied. “There are so many people involved now. It was a lot easier before.”
“Yeah. Well, I like things the way they are.”
They stared at each other for a few more moments. Kaname broke first. “Well, forget it,” she muttered discontentedly. “If that’s the way it is. Regardless, I haven’t enjoyed what I’ve experienced up till know and so I’m not going to climb up onto a stage and make an exhibition of myself.”
Momomi sighed, relaxing slightly. “Well, I know this isn’t really your kind of thing, but can’t you at least give it a try? It would be a lot more fun if it was the two of us, don’t you think?”
“I don’t even know how stuff like that is supposed to be fun.”
“Now you’re just being over-dramatic.”
Kaname scowled. “Like hell I am?”
“Well, for the lack of a better metaphor… the feeling you get when you make me laugh, it’d be the same thing as that.” Momomi prodded her shoulder cautiously. “You should at least give it a try. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to bother.”
Kaname glanced at her for a moment, then turned away, staring at the wall. “It’s different, though. I actually give a damn about you, but I don’t intend to humiliate myself in front of three hundred people I could care less about.”
“Well, for a start, if they really didn’t matter, you wouldn’t be so afraid of being humiliated,” Momomi said reasonably.
“Well, sure, I don’t want their contempt or their hate, but I get enough of that already.” Kaname bit her lip, scowling deeply. “Or have you already forgotten? They’ve hated me for a lot longer than they hated you. I don’t give a damn, but that doesn’t mean I want to be reminded.”
“No one hates you that much,” Momomi said. “You made mistakes, but people have short-term memories. A few good impressions would go a long way to dispelling that reputation.”
“Yeah, right. If you believe that, you’re more naïve than even I thought.”
“If you think they care enough to hate you that much, you’re the naïve one. People are very changeable, on the whole.” Momomi cocked her head, smiling gently. “Besides, don’t you want people to acknowledge you? Wouldn’t be good if they saw your true talents? Isn’t that what the rivalry with Amane was about, in the first instance?”
“That’d be a lot more convincing if it wasn’t just manipulation because you want me to do this damn play.”
“Be more charitable, why don’t you? Besides, am I wrong? Would it so bad if you tried something that people would admire for once?”
“I don’t care what people think of me. They’re all blinkered, ditzy idiots anyway.” Kaname glanced at her. “How about Amane? What talent are they acknowledging there? Sure, she’s bloody perfect, but do they care? The girl they recognise as her is so shallow and false it’s almost funny. I don’t need such a meaningless boost to my ego.”
“If you think they chose to worship her at random, though, you’re being pretty stupid,” Momomi replied. “Amane is Amane, and a lot of the attention she receives is genuine. We both know you’re as good as her in many ways, anyway.”
“Again, that’s very interesting. But I still won’t participate in Shion’s damn play.”
Momomi sighed. “Should you really say that before giving it a try? You might even enjoy it, you know.”
Kaname grunted. “Well, should you really press on with manipulating me and pushing your agenda when I’ve made it quite clear I’m not interested?”
“That’s pretty cruel, you know.” Momomi huffed irritably. “I told you, though it didn’t get through your thick skull. This would be more fun if we did it together. That’s reason enough, isn’t it?”
“You mean you want someone to back you up in your random ambitions to greatness. That’s what’s irritating.”
“Look, it’s not just about that, you know,” Momomi sighed. “Sure, I have a vested interest in this play. But I also want to have fun and take part in something interesting. If it weren’t at least a little interesting, I wouldn’t do it. The same with the script. The same with Olesa, Amane, everything else I do. I’m not a perfect chessplayer, even if that’d suit me just fine.”
“Well, I don’t find it even a little bit interesting. I’d appreciate it if you left me out of your calculations.”
“You’re as stubborn as ever, aren’t you? All you have to do is take part in the audition.”
“And you’re still far too tenacious and annoying.” Kaname shook her head. “No is no. That’s clear. In the meantime, we have biology to study and you’re wasting precious time. On top of that, if you take part in the play, we’ll have even less time for revision. That’s just irresponsible.”
“You’re still doing kendo, aren’t you?” Momomi asked. “But my time at that point will be free once the script’s done, after all.”
“Yeah, well, I’ll still have kendo. Quite apart from that, I doubt the timing will be that convenient, and it’s going to distract you. It’s annoying.”
“Even if I pass the exam, I want my school life to be memorable, too,” Momomi said. “And I’m sure you’re the same. You can’t say this just because it’s convenient for your argument.”
“That goes for a lot of things you’ve been saying recently.” Kaname opened her textbook again. “Now let’s get back to work.”
Momomi sighed, leaning sideways and resting her head on Kaname’s shoulder. That was a strange feeling, after they’d just had a blazing row, but the blue-haired girl let it be. “But it’s such a pity, Kaname, if Shion intended what I think she did, you’d have had a very interesting role…”
Kaname snorted. “Here’s your notebook. I’ll read, we discuss aloud, you write it down. You know the program now.”
“The script calls for twins,” Momomi explained, pointedly ignoring her. “And obviously, the best choice would be you and Amane.”
“So I get to act alongside that robot. Great.” Kaname flicked through the contents pages, underlining certain headings with a pencil. “As if she’s even going to turn up to the audition…”
“She sounds half-interested. I’m sure I can swing it.” Momomi smiled. “But it isn’t just interesting because you two would be acting together on stage. It’s more of a competitive thing.”
“This is the one contest she can win, whatever it is.”
“The role Viola is the main part and a very outstanding one, at that,” Momomi added. “Some of her monologues are famous amongst actors to the point of cliché. Sebastian, on the other hand, is a rather less glorious role. I’m sure Shion wanted to see which actor would end up where.”
Kaname snorted derisively. “Are you kidding me? Amane gets the best role, because everyone loves her. Isn’t that obvious?”
“That would be obvious in the whole school play, along with inter-school politics,” Momomi said. “That’s why it’s a sham. But this one is being run on merit.”
“Merit, and Shion’s patronage.”
“Even if that’s true, you have Shion’s patronage.” Momomi sighed, leaning back. “But it’s too bad. The audition would be a head to head between you two… even if she was picked because of bias, you’d still have the chance to outdo her on stage. And even if it’s not a formal contest, she can’t blank you this time around. That much is obvious.”
“I’m not so desperate to beat her that I’ll fall in line with your plans, you know,” Kaname chided. “You’re taking me for a simpleton.”
Momomi shook her head, falling back and looking at the ceiling. “Not really. I just thought it would be interesting to see, that’s all. And, when you’re both skilled and alike, not having you involved would be boring.”
“Still not interested.”
Momomi sighed again, looking at her hand. “Too bad… oh, well. Hopefully she’ll be easier to persuade.”
Kaname chuckled. “Her? Not bloody likely.”
“Well, we’ll see how things go,” Momomi said neutrally.
Kaname picked up the notebook and dropped it on her stomach. “Come on, let’s get to work.”
“As ever, you’re mean and stubborn.” Momomi sat up, opening the book and pulling a pencil from one of the pockets of her blaze. “Well, let’s start.”
Kaname nodded. “Okay, we’ll begin with flowering plants. We need to cover over photosynthesis in more depth and we’ve done it before, including the formula… 6CO2 plus 6H2O plus sunlight to C6H1206 plus 602. And then-”
“Slow down,” Momomi murmured. “What was that?”
Kaname repeated the formula. “That’s important. We’ll get into that later. After that, it’s all about factors that affect the rate of photosynthesis.”
“So light intensity, water and so on?” Momomi asked.
“Yeah. Then… let’s see…” She turned over a page. “Transpiration. That looks a bit more complicated, it goes on for a couple of pages-”
“I see.” Momomi moved closer to Kaname, leaning lightly against her. “Well, no point in getting too ahead of ourselves. Let’s start with that damn equation.”
Kaname flushed slightly. “Right. Well, let’s see… it’s basically what we learned in class, but with the symbols now. Carbon dioxide and water make glucose and oxygen.”
Momomi’s pencil skittered across the page. “Okay. That’s easy enough.”
“To be honest, there’s not much else to say.” Kaname glanced at Momomi’s face, admiring the way the hair fell over her eyes. “We just have to learn it.”
Momomi nodded, raising a hand and pushing her hair out of her eyes. “I can see that. So, what’s next? Factors affecting the rate, right?”
Kaname nodded. Does she know I’m watching, or is that unconscious? “Well, let’s see… light intensity, amount of chlorophyll, amount of water, temperature, carbon dioxide levels…”
“I got it. And one by one?”
Kaname shook her head, looking down and describing them all one by one. This casual closeness still isn’t something I’m used to. It feels good, but also a little unhealthy, in way, when it follows straight after a blazing row. What does that make me? Emotionally weak? I don’t know…
“Hey, you’re just reading from the textbook,” Momomi complained. “Come on, can’t you paraphrase it?”
“Oh, right.” Kaname nodded. “I’ll do that.”
“Don’t get too lazy. Otherwise I might as well photocopy that book, you know.”
“Sorry.”
Momomi smiled. “Just as long as you understand…”
They studied for most of lunch then set the books aside and opened their bentos. Momomi sat back a little and faced Kaname, folding her legs. She popped a pickle into her mouth and chewed quickly. “Shall we go on another date next Saturday?”
Now that’s got a lot easier to say…Kaname nodded. “Sure. You have anything in mind?”
“Not particularly.” Momomi sorted through her bento, moving all the fish to one side. “We should probably plan things a little better this time, though. Our track record on that isn’t great.”
“And, preferably, make it a little less expensive than the first one too,” Kaname suggested.
Momomi nodded. “Yeah, that’d be an idea. But we need to have fun, as well.”
Kaname frowned. “Let’s see… some kind of sport?”
“I told you, I’m not exactly big on sport.” Momomi shrugged. “Besides, using the school facilities would be boring. How about an evening meal? If we can run back before curfew fast enough…”
“That’s too expensive.” Kaname picked up an umeboshi and fed her it. “What else? Library? The school one, even I know that place as the school’s number two make-out spot…”
“Isn’t that a bad thing? It means other people would take all the best spots. Besides, I see far too much of that place in the week.”
Kaname drummed her free fingers. “Yeah, I can see that. Though we both like reading, after all, so we can do that at some point.”
Momomi nodded. “Just as soon as you’re less shy around the other girls… which is ironic when you have no problem with a less kind public.”
“I have to face this lot every day. Trust me, it makes sense.” Kaname frowned. “What else do couples do on a date?”
“Movie?”
“We’ve done that too.”
Momomi ate some more rice. “You have a point…”
“Well, we could always go to different kind of movie.” Kaname speared a piece of fish. “But horror films won’t let you in, which is annoying. Perhaps we can poach Shion’s laptop. The Scholarship Fund doesn’t include the privilege of using a broadband connection…”
“Illegally downloading a movie to watch on Shion’s laptop isn’t very romantic,” Momomi chided. “There’s no ambience. Ambience is important.”
“Fine, fine. Ambience.” Kaname closed her eyes. “Well, what else is there?”
“I don’t know… I suppose we could to the park again, but that’s a little boring.” Momomi ate some more rice, then snapped her fingers. “Wait, that’s it. Picnic.”
Kaname raised her eyebrows. “Picnic?”
Momomi nodded enthusiastically. “Right. Picnic. We can borrow a blanket from somewhere and buy some cheap food from the local supermarket one of these days, and make one up ourselves. That’s be economic and romantic.”
Kaname sighed, putting a hand over her eye. “Momomi, it’s the middle of winter. A little on the chilly side out…”
“That’s fine.” Momomi waved a hand dismissively. “I brought us scarves, we can wrap up warm. Besides, it’ll mean there will be less people in the park.”
“No need to go that far. The school is fine, isn’t it?” Kaname leaned forwards slightly. “That way, if the weather gets too bad we’ll be able to get back quickly.”
Momomi nodded her agreement. “In front of the lake?”
“Yeah. Hopefully it won’t be taken.”
“Then it’s decided.” Momomi smiled triumphantly. “We can get food on Friday.”
Kaname shook her head slightly, closing her eyes. “My, my. I suspect I’ll be doing most of the work.”
“While we’re on the subject, what do you think of the other two?” Momomi asked.
“Amiki and Olesa? In that sense?”
Momomi nodded. “I don’t have any right to be righteous, after the role they had with me, but still… it’s getting annoying.”
“I’ll say.” Kaname shook her head irritably. “Olesa is even more stubborn than you.”
“Now, that’s not a very nice thing to say,” Momomi teased, holding out a piece of fish. “Especially when you can be a little obstinate, too.”
Kaname leaned forwards, eating it. “I guess… I guess so,” she agreed, swallowing. “But still, Olesa just comes off as odd to me. She’s an idealist, which is odd in itself. Amiki’s also annoying, with her damn subservient attitude. They have a dysfunctional relationship.”
“Well, who doesn’t? Certainly not us.” Momomi grinned. “Doesn’t that just make things more fun?”
Kaname groaned. “I guess we have to go through this crap before we can have the normal stuff.”
“Hmm. I think some people can have the normal stuff from the get go.” Momomi shrugged. “But you can’t claim that any of us four are normal to begin with. I guess this is just a reflection of that.”
“Tch. It’s still bloody annoying. This must be what Kariya feels, oh-so-often…” Kaname shuddered. “You know things are bad when I’m empathising with her.”
“Maybe we should do something,” Momomi mused. “Olesa wasn’t short on plans herself, so it’d only be fair.”
“I wouldn’t recommend it. Even if I bitch about it, it really isn’t our business.” Kaname frowned, picking up some more fish. “Right?”
“I guess so…” Momomi sighed. “But it sounds like so much fun.”
“It isn’t a matter of fun. This is a serious business.”
“Well, are you happy with the way things are for them?”
“It’s not like I care.” Kaname pouted. “Like I said, it’s not my business.”
Momomi smirked. “Oh, really? Well, I’m interested. They’ve been static for far too long… far longer than us, even. Isn’t it dull?”
“They’re not exactly here for our entertainment.”
Momomi folded her arms. “Well, I’ll give them a couple of weeks. After that, I may have to reassess the situation.”
Kaname glanced at her, taking in her infectious grin and glittering eyes. “As ever, you’re way too enthusiastic about these things… and where are you slotting this into your schedule? You do too much as it is?”
“By then, the thing with the Church should be over,” Momomi reminded her. “I can do it then.”
“I was speaking rhetorically…”
“On that subject, though, how’s kendo?”
“Pretty good.” Kaname rubbed her head. “Kariya is frightening when she picks up her bokken. It’s not killer intent, as such… it’s more the overwhelming knowledge that she could have you scrubbing the Church belfry with a toothbrush for the next five years if she liked.”
Momomi giggled. “As expected of Kariya-sama. For someone as fierce as her, it really isn’t a surprising hobby.”
“Well, she’s not a terrible teacher, I’ll concede that much.” Kaname glanced at her girlfriend. “I’m getting better. It’s pretty fun, actually. And she’s really keen on sparring, so I get to whack Amiki.”
“It’s good, actually. Someone like you should do something like that.” Momomi passed over another piece of fish. “It suits you.”
“Just as long as I don’t end up just like Kariya.”
“That would be cool.”
“That would be depressing…”
Momomi chuckled. “She is the Etoile, you know? People would kill to be like her.”
“Well, I wouldn’t.” Kaname shrugged slowly. “To be honest, it doesn’t have anything to do with her personal qualities. But when you’ve built up my level of resentment concerning something, you really can’t become it. That’s just too lame.”
“Oh? And are you normally worried about hypocrisy?”
“Not normally. But this is different, isn’t it?”
“I suppose so.” Momomi glanced at her, eyes amused. “But don’t worry, Kaname. I can absolutely guarantee that you won’t end up being anything like Kariya. I’m sure others would say the same as well.”
Kaname snorted. “Even if I agree with you, do you have to put it quite like that?”
“Like what?” Momomi asked innocently.
“Yeah, whatever.” Kaname chased up more of her rice. “But yeah, kendo’s good. If you have time, you should come and watch. I’ll show you want I can do.”
“I might just do that, when this time playscript is done,” Momomi agreed. “That does sound fun.”
Kaname nodded her agreement. “Good. It’s settled, then.”
Momomi finished her bento, setting it aside and glancing at Kaname’s face. “Too bad. You’re a clean eater.”
Kaname blinked at her mischievous eyes. “Say what?”
Momomi leaned forwards. “Well, isn’t that a tradition? I say you’re a messy eater, because you have a piece of rice just here-” She touched Kaname’s cheek with a finger. “And then I eat it. And you, really.”
Kaname flushed, covering herself with a derisive snort. “How cliché is that?”
“Very,” Momomi agreed. “I work better without prologue anyway.” She kissed Kaname on the cheek.
Kaname shifted her bento out of the way, staring back with her stomach bubbling. This, too was probably going to become part of the schedule. “Ha. As ever, you’re way too forwards.”
Momomi touched her head with both hands, kissing her on the lips. Kaname slipped forwards as they twisted together, lips touching in swift and shallow motions. Somehow, her hands slipped round and held Momomi in the small of the back, feeling very natural. And her heart raced. She pulled away slightly. “Do you even need a reason?”
Momomi’s hands slid down, settling on Kaname’s shoulders. She smiled, cheeks flushed beautifully. “You are my reason, right?”
Kaname rolled her eyes and kissed her to shut her up, heart fluttering as those hands brushed her neck. Her own hands caught hold of Momomi’s blazer, pulling the fabric slightly in a tacit reminder. Hold back. Don’t get too intense.
Momomi’s hands slid down again, rubbing across Kaname back. She murmured slightly, pulling back slightly and touching her nose against the taller girl’s cheek. “I really like you, Kaname.”
“Don’t get any funny ideas,” Kaname warned, hugging her tightly.
Momomi kissed her on the cheek, brushing her tongue against her skin. Then she pulled back slightly. “Did you like that?”
“Do you have to do that?”
Momomi sighed. “Too boring…”
Kaname kissed her, more fiercely than she’d intended. Moist lips pushed against each other before she slipped back. “You should get ten times better at the basics first,” she muttered.
Momomi smiled slightly. “You shouldn’t be afraid to admit you enjoy something.”
More breathing, more kissing, more tentative, hungry touches, of the hands and of the lips. Kaname let it happen, caught uneasily between the comfort of her body and the apprehension of her mind. It’s not that I dislike this, far from that… no, the fact that I like it is what I dislike. This represents something uncomfortable, a loss of control, in a way. I don’t like to be involved, I like to be distant and cool and collected, and this is the opposite of that. When we’re like this, however smart I talk, I’m in so deep I don’t know which way is up. Does she know that? She already knows so much about me, but I try to hide it, as hard as I can. She makes it feel so easy, so simple, so safe, but I can’t quite trust that. I can’t quite trust her. This is the start of something, and even if I enjoy it now I don’t know how far down that path I can walk before I feel doubts…or, even worse, how far I could go while enjoying every step… it’s too spontaneous, too uncertain, too wavering…as…It wasn’t easy to concentrate, when their breaths mingled and Momomi’s smell overwhelmed her world. I think that it’s too dangerous, that I should pull away, that we don’t have to go so far so young, not here and now, there’s no need for it…but even if I acknowledge all that in my head, I’m still trapped here. I can’t know what’s going to do next, when I’m like this I don’t know my limits. That’s probably supposed to be wonderful, but it scares me. Perhaps I am too young, but who can say that out loud? I just have to decide, and fall into that decision. But which way? Forwards or back. I don’t know. For her, it’s a lot simpler. Or is she just more mature?
The bell rang, startling them out of their embrace. Momomi smiled and stepped back, picking up her bag and shouldering. “Well, we’d better get going.”
“No epilogue, either?” Kaname asked, standing and brushing herself off. She felt afterimages of Momomi’s arms round her, Momomi’s warm body pressed against her, trapped by the silk shirts… the memories comforted and disturbed her in equal measure. “You’re the type to take what they want and leave, aren’t you?”
“Well, I won’t apologise,” Momomi teased. “You’re not someone who will let me get away with that, now are you?”
“Of course not. At least you know something.”
“Then I’ll see you later. Bye.” Momomi waved, heading off.
Kaname groaned, picking up her own bag along with the biology textbook they’d knocked down. How can she be so casual about this? But more importantly than that, why does she aver that so confidently? Like this, I might well let her get away with that. Yes, I think that’s it. That’s what scares me, most of all. Not that I can tell her that, of course.
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