The wiki article on the original Stopani short stories makes for interesting reading. Tamao beat out Shizuma in most polls but Amane triumphed over Yaya. I find this ironic when the fandom now appears to vaguely approve of Shizuma and Nagisa but, with some exceptions, is cheering on Yaya to stab her rival with an icepick. What's this got to with the story? Not much. Perhaps Kanamomo can provide the icepick.
Right, well. Kaname has called me out for a private meeting. That could mean anything. She specified the lake as our location, which is somewhere of sentimental value to us. But that could still mean anything. Whatever she intends to say is obviously something she wants to keep fairly secret. But not so secret she feels pressed to hide the existence of this meeting from our friends. Note to self, must search the surrounding bushes for Shion. That’s an aside, though. Kaname has been distracted all day, but especially in the Church, showing she’s worried about something. That’s probably what she wants to talk about. On the other hand, the thing between Amane and I is definitely agitating her, so that may well be all there is too it. No, that’s probably the most likely topic of conversation. But we talked that over in lunchtime, and I thought everything was resolved. And what could she have to say about that which would be so private? I’ve no idea, really. If she wanted me to stop going to see Amane, she could say that at any part of the day. Does she intend to have a blazing row over this without interruption? That’s a possibility, a pretty likely one. She did seem to be over it, though, or at least much more reasonable than before. She skipped kendo today, which is her new beloved pastime, and that’s unusual. Instead of kendo, she’s off in the greenhouse with Serané. That’s the key, it must be. It’s so very unusual, as the Etoiles really don’t let just anyone in their greenhouse. So there’s probably a connection. But what could Serané want that concerns me? My parents are gone, the war between them and Serané is currently in a cold phase and she certainly has precedent for directly approaching me. It’s not like Kaname to be used or directed, either. On the other hand, it may be a complete coincidence that these two events fall one after the other. It’s impossible to say for sure. What Olesa said definitely implied that option, and when I think about it the reactions of the others also match. They’ve been saying…that all along, though, so it’s hardly anything new. What are the odds that they’ve actually got it right this time around? All in all, it’s really very unlikely that it has anything to do with that.
On the other hand, I can’t think of anything else that it is likely to be. Momomi pushed her hair out of her eyes irritably, trying to think straight. It could be anything. It’s probably something totally unimportant. So there’s no reason to get too worked up about this. That’s right. I should just go and listen, without preconceptions. What is she gonna say? “Actually, it turns out I’m not straight after all. So I’ve decided to go out with you, as opposed to anyone else in a whole school of possibilities to crush on.” Yeah, right. That’s likely. Her answer was final and I should accept it. But if that’s the case, why is that no one else accepts it? What was Amane talking about? The value of hope, the importance of dreams? That’s just ridiculous, isn’t it? Sometimes you lose, and when that happens clinging to that stuff is childish and pointless. It’ll only hurt you and the other person, and it foists unreasonable explanations onto them. Momomi scowled at the thought. What if that was what she was feeling right now? With everyone like that, and me pressuring her by using Amane to make her jealous, could she really fake a confession to appease me? She wouldn’t. She’s strong, independent, and she wouldn’t lie about something like this…but she hasn’t been enjoying these past few days, now has she? And my obvious disappointment must hurt her. If that’s what it is, though, that would only hurt both of us a whole lot more. I shouldn’t have played those stupid games with Amane. It was so immature of me… what was I thinking? Momomi groaned. Now I can’t even trust her words if she does confess. Great going, me.
Blast it. Thinking has been a disastrous policy so far, so shut up and walk. You’re going to be late as it is. Momomi pushed away from the tree and set off for the lake, nervously brushing down her hair. Well, this is great, isn’t it? Now I hope she doesn’t anything about romance, because if she does I’ll have to work out whether she’s being sincere or not. Why do I have to make my life so complicated? She tried to force down the apprehension churning her gut, walking through the forest.
Kaname paced compulsively up and down in front of the lake; hands tightening around the bouquet she was keeping hidden behind her back. She forced herself to take deep, calm breaths. Crap. Am I actually going to do this? Am I actually going to confess to Momomi? Is that even possible for someone like me? Kaname frowned, trying to remember what Serané had said. What was it…just tell her, simply and honestly, give her the flowers, and explain the situation. Right. There’s the fucking problem. Explain the situation, isn’t that wonderful? Any idiot who can string a few words together can manage a variation on “I love you” or “wanna go out with me?” but both of those carry certain expectations along with them. On the other hand, I have to explain my rather complicated feelings, which aren’t going to be easy for her to bear. No one ever said “I may love you, I’m not sure, get back to me on that one” in any films or books. Nor have I ever encountered “can we go out so I can work out whether or not I’m bi”? I mean, even if that’s someone’s intentions, they probably wouldn’t say it in as many words. But I have to say it in as many words, as Momomi became aware of what I thought before and now I have to own up to my increasing confusion. And through all of this, I have to avoid coming across like a jealous idiot who’s doing purely to keep her away from Amane. On top of that, I’m terrible at expressing honest sentiments. Just the idea of saying something like personal is so… well…embarrassing. Just make me immature? Am I too young for this? This is annoying. It sounded a lot easier when Serané was talking about it.
She checked her watch. Damnit, she’s late. What am I supposed to do? Brood? I’m already feeling terrible. I’m not sure this is a good idea, either. Is this too soon? What are my reasons? My own sincere feelings or just a stupid reaction to everything Amane said? And is it even a good idea to use Momomi for this? If I end up disappointing her, that will be really crushing for us both. I don’t want to have to do that to her, but the whole point is that I need an honest answer. Shouldn’t I have done that before, though? If I was able to decisively know my feelings, everything would be a lot easier. Should I have waited until I’d made sense of that? This way, I’m risking my friendship on my own bumbling ineptitude. And what if I don’t have an answer, even after one date? What am I supposed to say then? Kaname groaned and closed her eyes, trying to smother those thoughts. But they kept bubbling up, like gases from the depths of a foetid swamp, which was something she felt like at the moment. Besides, I suck at things like this. I’m passive, weak-willed and defensive, and I lie to others and myself all the time. I’m not like Momomi, who can just say something and assert it on the world. I’m not like Amane, so grand and confident in her own arrogance. I’m not a strong person. Am I even going to be able to say it? If I choked, that’d be horrible, and mangling my lines would be even worse. I don’t blush gracefully. But what am I supposed to do? Run away?
Kaname checked her watch again, wincing. Damnit, she’s still not here! This glade is currently eroding my courage moment by moment as it is! Damnit, but these trees are a whole lot scarier than that stupid story with the giant clock and the big hole. Who on earth favours execution by complex clockwork and moving walls when a sword is so much quicker? That’s hardly the point, though…when is she going to arrive? Hell, what if she doesn’t show? The last time I told her to be here for an important matter she forgot completely and insulted me to Olesa while I was standing in the rain. This probably has bad karma. But still, she might not show up at all, one way or the other. Perhaps she’s worked it out. What would she think of me? What is she going to think of me? I’m going to come across as an oblivious idiot at best, a jealous, possessive fool at worst. And whatever she says, perhaps her feelings have changed. I’ve never beaten Amane yet, so isn’t it a bloody law of the universe that I have to lose now as well? Even if she hasn’t, she might be annoyed at me for changing my story all of a sudden. Well, she probably will be. This isn’t enjoyable for her. Mightn’t she just reject me on principle? Especially if I don’t word it right…and I am not good at exact wordings, either. I just know that the moment I stumble I’ll start self-justifying by bringing up Amane and whatever else, and then I’m finished. What then? This could ruin our friendship. Perhaps I’m the one who should run away? Kaname closed her eyes and shook her head vigorously. I can’t do that, damnit! I’ve committed myself, and I have to do this! I will do this! Why would I be scared? If I can’t do this even under these favourable circumstances, I’ll be a failure forever. But still-
“Hey, Kaname.” Momomi walked slowly forwards, looking at her. Her face was stiff.
Kaname whirled, glad she’d been facing Momomi when the girl had walked in. “Eh… hi, Momomi.”
“Hi.” Momomi’s eyes flickered downwards, taking in the fact that both of her hands were behind her back, then returned to her friend’s face expectantly.
“Well…uh…” Kaname tried to find words. Damnit, I came up with like fifty scripted variations? What happened to that?
“Well, what did you want to talk to me about?” Momomi asked. Now she looked worried.
“Yeah…. that’s to say…” Kaname closed her eyes. “Well, you know earlier, something I’d always intended to do, but I never actually did, you know… that’s to say… thank you.”
Momomi blinked. “Thank you?”
“Thank you for your feelings, because even if I didn’t accept them then, they were a wonderful compliment… and, well, that can’t have been easy for you… after what I said, but you’re always so brave, so I wanted to thank you for that,” Kaname managed. Her cheeks felt like their muscles had seized up. Cheek cramp? Is that even possible? Ahahaha…“Butyour friendship, as well, that’s important too! And the way you listen and care and the fact that… well, you know… forget it, what I’m trying to say is, thanks for everything.”
“No problem,” Momomi replied quietly.
“But it’s not like I’m saying that because I’m-” Kaname broke off from her hasty explanation. “Wait. This isn’t what I meant to say at all.”
“Oh.”
“Sorry. I’m not good at this stuff.”
“I know. But it’s okay. I know what you want to say?”
“You do?” Kaname managed to choke back a sigh of relief. Well, this makes things easier.
“And it’s okay,” Momomi continued, looking away. “You don’t have to pretend for me.”
Kaname’s jaw dropped. “Hey, wait! What do you mean?”
“Well, I just thought… you know… that you were going to say ‘I like you after all’ or something like that. But that’s okay. I don’t want you to force yourself.” Momomi smiled weakly. “But I’m probably completely wrong anyway, right?”
“Yes, you are, damnit!” Kaname replied indignantly.
“Oh… sorry… forget it.” Momomi turned away altogether, staring at the floor. “Sorry about that. I just… never mind. So what did you want to talk to me about?”
“Well… that’s to say… I like you after all.” Kaname frowned, feeling this needed a little substantiation. “Probably. Maybe. I’m a bit confused about my feelings, but-”
Momomi chucked quietly. “I told you-”
“I’m not finished, damnit! I mean it! I think…” Kaname gritted her teeth. “Look, I’m still not sure exactly what I feel about you, but… well… I may like you, I know I can’t stop thinking about you and I liked everything that we did together… whatever I’m doing, it’s not pretending, okay?”
“Look, Kaname… I’m sorry about Amane, I won’t see her any more, so you don’t have to-”
“Damnit, would I pretend to be anything for your convenience?” Kaname demanded, cutting her off. “Look at me, already!”
Momomi turned to face her. Her eyes were moist and she stabbed her friend with a look of pain, anger and sorrow.
“But… well…” Kaname tried to collect her words. I’m not striking the right tone here. “Listen, I know I’ve been a jealous bitch about you with Amane, but that isn’t the point. Ever since you confessed to me, at first I was scared, but it also made me happy… and then I started to wonder…” Kaname closed her eyes for a moment. “Fuck. I’m no good at this shit. But I like you, okay? Really, really. Even if I’m just a friend, which I’m probably not, it’s hard to tell, because I want to… well, do a lot of things with you.”
Momomi made a little choking noise, shaking her head slightly. “You aren’t very good at this, are you?”
Kaname caught her feeble smile. “Well, no. But still… well, I got you these.” She pulled the bouquet out from behind her back, holding them out. “They’re from the greenhouse, apparently grown for this stuff. Well, I tried doing something like you did, but I’m not good at this, so I kinda went for the simple option.” She took a step closer. “Well, take them.”
Momomi grabbed the bouquet hesitantly, looking slightly dazed.
Kaname rubbed the back of her head awkwardly. “Red roses for love, right? Even I know that one…”
Momomi lowered them, staring at her friend. “Are you… serious?”
Kaname managed a smile. “Come on, Momomi. I’m always serious.”
Momomi looked like she was about to burst into tears, and this came easily. Kaname took three steps forwards and threw her arms round her friend.” God… you’re still over-sensitive, you know that, right?”
Momomi tentatively returned the embrace, staring over her shoulder. “If you’re pretending, I’ll definitely kill you.”
“I told you. I wouldn’t pretend for your convenience.” When she’s in my arms, it feels so warm and comfortable…it has a calming influence. “But I’m still a bit of an idiot, so…”
“You think I don’t know that?” Momomi closed her eyes. “I mean, it, though… if you’re lying I really won’t forgive you ever.”
“If you don’t start taking me seriously, I won’t forgive you.” The flowers rubbed against her back. What if the stems break? Well, screw it.
“Yeah, yeah…”“So, well… we go out, at some point, right?”
“Presumably, yes. Next Saturday?”
“I guess so.” Kaname scowled. Damn. I should have waited till Friday. Now I’ll be distracted and impatient all of tomorrow…
“We’ll find something to do in town, I suppose.”
“Right.” Kaname touched her head gently. It feels nice…is this why she brushes my hair? I should try that with her.
Momomi rested her head on Kaname’s shoulder, looking like she wasn’t going to move any time soon. Not that Kaname was complaining. “But… well, if you don’t mind telling me… what made you change your mind?”
“Oh, you know,” Kaname grunted. “The usual.”
Momomi giggled. “Is any part of this anything like usual?”
“I don’t know.” Kaname grunted. “But it was just… you know… the fact that, well, I miss you when you’re not around… and how jealous I was getting… and the fact that I missed all those little things you used to do, and, well… generally. I may be stupid, but I’m not that stupid.”
“That doesn’t make any sense, so I’ll take your word for it.”
“Sorry… for not realising earlier. But I’ve never been good at this stuff.”
“I’ll forgive you… eventually.”
Kaname smirked. “You’re still cruel and unusual. Let’s sit down, shall we? Feels like we have a lot to talk about…”
Momomi just nodded, untangling herself and sitting down, facing the lake.
Kaname sat next to her, looking out over the glittering surface. “The last time we did this, you told me about your family… nostalgic, isn’t it?”
Momomi rested her head on Kaname’s shoulder again. “A little, isn’t it?”
Kaname tentatively put an arm round Momomi’s shoulders, pulling her closer. Something told her that was the right thing to do. “That wasn’t such a long time ago, but it feels like it was in another life or something.”
“Yeah,” Momomi agreed. “Just remember we also had a blazing row here. It’s not all happy memories.”
“Ruin the mood, why don’t you?”
“But one thing hasn’t changed. I’ve always felt safer when I’m around you… and I’ve always felt invincible in your arms.”
Kaname flushed.
“Something like that?” Momomi teased. “Is that better?”
“Somewhat.” Kaname frowned. “Well, I’m glad. For me, you’ve… well… I don’t know… you care about emotions. But I never knew whether I ever offered anything, when I was… well, myself.”
“Idiot.”
“Probably.” Kaname sighed, looking up at the sky. “I’m no good at saying things. It’s a problem for me.”
“Well, I’m not exactly good at protecting myself or anyone else,” Momomi pointed out. “This is fine, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.” Kaname closed her eyes, enjoying a heady sense of euphoria. “Actually, that was easier than I expected… it must have been harder for you.”
“Fatalism is useful.” Momomi breathed out gently. “Of course, now you’ve given me hope, which is more dangerous and incriminating than pregnancy in some ways.”
“Well, it’s fine. Being indebted to you wouldn’t be so bad.”
They watched the lake for a while longer, enjoying the silence. “You know, I can see the point now,” Kaname remarked. “It is kinda pretty.”
Momomi smirked. “You just noticed? By the way, though, I’ll still talk to Amane, at least for a while. You won’t stop me that easily.”
“Damnit.” Kaname scowled. “Not fair. Don’t I, like, own your soul now? I’m sure someone mentioned that while mooting the concept to me…”
“I sold my soul long ago,” Momomi quipped. “It went very cheaply.”
“Damn. You too? I could hardly give mine away. Still not sure why you insist on Amane, though.”
“Even if you’re my girlfriend, I still need friends as well.”
Kaname flushed again. Girlfriend, huh? I could get used to that. “Well, I know that. But why does it have to be Amane?”
“Why not?” Momomi prodded her on the neck. “Because she looks like you? Or because she’s really intelligent? Or because she’s really sporty? Or because she’s really popular? Or-”
“I get the idea.” Kaname frowned. “Well, I’ll live. But now I’m morally justified in knocking her off her horse and jumping up and down if she kisses you again. Don’t underestimate that.”
“Well, aren’t you sweet and protective?” Momomi remarked, shaking her head. “You know, after it has stopped being cute I’m going to have a seriously possessive, jealous girl on my hands, aren’t I?”
“Yeah. Well, enjoy it while it’s still cute, then.” Kaname snorted. “I’ve always thought that a partner who isn’t at least a little possessive is basically someone who doesn’t care.”
“Well, you’re more like the with-me-always kind, which sounds really sweet until you notice it’s really crazy as well,” Momomi remarked. “I mean, think about all those sappy romances. Am I the only one who finds two souls as one really… well… disturbing? Romance subsumes your individuality and turns you into a collective consciousness. Don’t do it.”
“I’m with you there. That’s why it’s good that we’re so different.” Kaname looked at the clouds. “How to put it… like ying and yang, that’s a good place to start, but not exactly. That implies a balance. Order and chaos is wrong as well. Instead, I’m chaos and so are you… chaos is disunited, right, that’s why it’s chaos. So basically we’re screwy, psychotic and generally dangerous to be around when we’re apart, and when we’re together it gets even worse. But that’s probably interesting.”
Momomi giggled. “Oh, great. How romantic.”
Kaname smirked. “What did you expect me to talk about, the red thread of fate? Give me a break, life isn’t that clear cut even for normal people. We’re the red cat’s cradle of yarn-related confusion.”
Momomi smiled at that. “I suppose I should be glad you believe such a thing exists at all.”
“Hey, I’m trying to be romantic here. If I said there are probably several thousand other girls I could happily date in Japan at a minimum, that wouldn’t be very romantic, now would it?”
“Well, quite. There you go, the secret of the soulmate principle. A usual lie used to excuse being in a bad relationship, bad behaviour or a twitching desire to get into someone else’s pants.”
“More or less,” Kaname agreed.
“That’s one of the nice things about you,” Momomi murmured. “Considering you get embarrassed so easily, I’m probably safe from unwanted advances.”
“And probably wanted advances, as well.” Kaname frowned. “I’m the one who has to worry, right?”
“I suppose so.”
“You see, this is why stereotype is so useless…”
“Oh, is Kaname still sore because she’s so much like a guy? You shouldn’t be. It’s very cute.”
“You know, even I have a little womanly pride as well…” Kaname sighed. “Oh, well. Whatever works, I guess.”
“Poor Kaname. Well, you’re a beautiful person anyway, so it’s fine, isn’t it?”
“That’s very easy for the porcelain doll of femininity to say,” Kaname retorted. “The problem isn’t whether or not I’m beautiful. It’s the fact that everyone, even Serané, appears to have forgotten that I’m actually a girl.”
“Oh, come on. Be fair to us, it can be hard to tell from time to time,” Momomi teased. “What with the trouser fetish, the short hair, the kendo, the violent tendencies and the way you absolutely refuse to compromise your dignity under any circumstances whatsoever…”
“Oh, come on. Those are all sexist, aren’t they? Why can’t women be proud and controlled? Or wear trousers, come to that.”
“If that’s the case, surely you don’t care about womanly pride?” Momomi asked. “Isn’t that just a bunch of sexist associations?”
“Maybe,” Kaname admitted. “But I blame society. They forced on me, and whatnot. I’m sure if you worked at for long enough, you could find somebody to blame but me.”
“Probably,” Momomi agreed. “But don’t get too hung up about it. We all like our Kaname-kun just the way she is.”
“Well, yeah. That’s what I’m worried about…”
“The flowers are nice,” Momomi said, changing the subject. “You got them from the greenhouse, right?”
Kaname nodded. “Apparently Serané grows them for this purpose. She says flowers are always good, for some reason. They’re completely useless and fade away after a few weeks, but their romantic effectiveness is only matched by the female love of chocolate. Or something.”
“So you were getting help from Serané-sama…”
“Well, yeah. That was for research, though, research!” Kaname shrugged. “I make use of available resources, what else would I do?”
“No, it’s kinda cute.” Momomi chuckled. “Of course, I came up with everything myself…”
“Well, I’m better prepared than you, then,” Kaname retorted. “I spent a lot of time worrying over this, okay?”
“I appreciate it. Better late than never, after all.”
“Well, forgive me for being the confused bisexual, as well.” Kaname pouted. “I get all the crap hands in life, you know? I’m sure I’m going to be hit by lightning or something now I actually managed to confess to you.”
“No, I think dating me is your divine punishment.”
“Oh. Right.” Kaname frowned. “We’re not going to do more clothes shopping, are we?”
“Perhaps not immediately,” Momomi said, frowning. “But I’m determined that more clothes shopping will indeed feature in the near-future. There are a load more cute outfits I want to try with you”
“I… see. Something to look forwards to.” Kaname frowned. “But what do you want to do on the actual date?”
“I’m not sure,” Momomi admitted. “We’ll have to think about it. How about you? Did you make any decent plans with all your preparation?”
“Well… that’s to say… not exactly. To be honest, I was so obsessed with confession in itself that I forgot to even think about what comes after it.” Kaname frowned. “Tennis?”
“Oh, no, you don’t. I’m not spending my first date letting you kick my ass at a game I can’t play.”
“Fine, fine. Just as long as we don’t go to another sappy but mind-blowingly illogical movie.”
“Though, when I think about it, you’d probably look really good in tennis clothes,” Momomi mused. “That’d be worth seeing.”
“Dream on.” Kaname looked up again. “Well, I could ask Serané or something, I guess.”
Momomi nodded. “On that note, what do you want to do about the others?”
Kaname sighed. “Well, those three will have to know. They’ll just bug us to hell if we don’t tell them. And I’m fine with strangers, too, I suppose, but the idea of just walking round the school holding hands or whatever is kind of weird.”
“I suppose that’d interfere with your cool-girl look,” Momomi teased. “But I suppose that’s as much as I can expect, too. Personally, I’m fine with anything, so I’ll go with your limits.”
“Thanks. I guess.” Kaname sighed. “And… well… not to spoil the mood or anything, but I’m still a stupid little girl, you know. If it isn’t, you know, working for me-”
“I know. That’s fine.” Momomi smiled, rubbing her head against her girlfriend’s shoulder. “Do you really think you could fool me anyway, Ka-na-me-chan?”
“Just as long as you understand.” Then Kaname blinked. “Wait, chan?”
“But if it doesn’t work, I’m sure to know as well. All a girl can ask for is a fair chance, I suppose. I have to be mature about this.”
“Thanks.” Kaname sighed. “I’m just annoyed I have to jerk you around like this, but I’m not a naturally certain person.”
“It’s fine. I’m pretty sure all relationships work out like this. Even if it doesn’t play out, we can still be friends.”
“Now who’s being gloomy and defeatist?”
“Just considering all possibilities.”
“Yeah, well, I’ve been doing that for days. It gets too depressing after a while. I’m sure you’ve gone through the same phrase.”
“Pretty much. Even if I don’t like to admit it.”
“You know, I’ve been thinking and happiness is probably statistically improbable.” Kaname smirked. “You can call me the emo queen now.”
“King, remember?”
“Bah. You just had to make up for the slip on chan, didn’t you?”
“I have to consider your reputation, after all.”
Kaname frowned. “It’s getting late. Shall we head back?”
By way of reply Momomi fell backwards, landing on the grass and looking up at the sky. “Forget it. It’s not like I could sleep right now anyway.”
“I hope that’s a compliment to me, not a measure of your new-found apprehension.” Kaname looked down at her, smiling. “You’ll get grass stains all over your clothes, you know.”
“Like you did earlier? Don’t think I missed that.”
“Damn. Caught.” Kaname lay down next to her, looking up at the dusky sky. “Well, fine. We can stay here until we get too cold and then play hide and seek with the Sisters, if you insist.”
“Sounds good to me.”
“I was joking. The power of love versus the Sisters… that isn’t even a contest.” Kaname folded her hands behind her head. “I heard a guy once dared to confess to Sister Kawakami, and not in the Christian sense either. She beat him to death with a hardback copy of the King James Bible.”
“You shouldn’t spread malicious rumours, you know. Sister Kawakami would never risk a good copy of the Bible like that.” Momomi looked up at the sky, smiling. “But this is the kind of time when I think, when is the last time we ever looked up at our world? Watching the sun set and night begin… more people should do that.”
“I think the problem is that people just don’t look generally, not even around them at other people half the time,” Kaname observed. “Even if they do, they can look without seeing. That’s practically the story of my life, or that’s what I’m feeling now, anyway.”
Momomi nodded. “I know what you mean, but maybe it’s fine, you know. It’s precisely because we don’t watch the sunset very often that it’s so beautiful to the eye.”
“Perhaps. But if you start to think like that, you can have anything any way you want, right? You just have to phrase things right.”
“You still have no sense of romance.” Momomi prodded her on the cheek. “And stop sitting on that hand, as well.”
“What do you… oh, right.” Kaname pulled her left hand out from under her head, placing it rather self-consciously on the ground. Momomi took it gently with her own free hand. “Like that?”
“Like that.” Momomi brushed her thumb over Kaname’s bandaged knuckles. “Honestly, you have no sense of timing at all…”
Her hand was warm. To me, lying on the earth and looking at the sky and with her warmth beside me, this is all very dreamlike. Is any of it real, or is it all some phantom imagining? I’m not sure. But it is enjoyable. “It’s pretty…” I’m not sure whether I mean the lake or the falling sun or the stars in the sky or even Momomi close to me, hand on hand, heads close together. How would you put it, this feeling? We’re sharing the unguarded vulnerability that two people experience when they lay down close to each other. It isn’t a sexual thing, a matter of clothes or no clothes. But right now, I don’t really have any defences. Because right now, I don’t need any defences. By and large, they would only get in the way of what is most important.
I’m not exactly sure what is most important. It’s not something I know well enough to frame with dramatic words. But I’m having fun, all the same.
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