Several reviewers reflected on Kaname being impatient or not, which was interesting. I'm glad the characters are at least worth discussing. My interpretation is through another word the others use a lot about her- dishonest. Ironically, she's mostly straight-talking with others, but with herself, as several of you have noted, she is incredibly deceptive. I'm enjoying that, and shredding that slowly.
Amane looked up briefly. “Good morning.”
Momomi sat next to her, folding her legs neatly. “You know, I’ve been thinking since yesterday. Eating out here like this hardly suits your reputation.”
Amane just shrugged carelessly.
“I mean, it’s not like you couldn’t eat in your room if you felt you had to get away from other people.”
“My room is awkward.”
Momomi blinked. “It is?”
“My roommate confessed to me a few months ago. Since then, things have been difficult.” Amane’s face hadn’t changed, and she ate her rice as if she hadn’t said anything at all.
“I see.” Momomi processed this, wondering why Amane was opening up all of a sudden. “I can understand how that might be awkward.”
“Ah. It’s not unlike your situation, after all.”
Oh. So that’s why. “I suppose so,” Momomi agreed. “But Kaname is still my friend, and I still enjoy spending time with her.”
“Ah.” Amane glanced at her briefly. “But it appears I have inconvenienced you.”
“Inconvenienced me?”
“Kenjou was not without resentment when she spoke of me, or so I have been told. I was not there to see it myself.”
“So the whole school knows, is it?” Momomi sighed. “We could have picked a better place and time for that argument, I suppose.”
“Even if Kenjou isn’t romantically interested in you, she certainly sounds possessive. And rather jealous of me.”
“Well, that’s just the way things are,” Momomi replied. “Kaname is an… intense person. I like that about her. But the situation’s been over-dramatised. We’ve had worse rows, and we moved past this one pretty easily.”
“Kenjou is an unusual friend to you.” Amane closed her eyes. “To me, attempting to remain close to someone who thinks about me in that way… it doesn’t come easily to me.”
“It’s simple, isn’t it? I’m trying hard to act as if I’ve never said anything, and she just has to stay as a friend to me.” Momomi frowned worriedly. “She’s never said she has a problem with it.”
“Even if you pretend, your feelings would be different from mine. I would be aware of that. Things have changed, and pretence won’t help anything. I find it difficult.” Amane frowned. “People are very difficult.”
“Well, Kaname isn’t like that. I suppose I should be glad that she’s so possessive. At least she still cares. I’d hate it if my… weirdness, drove her off.”
“Ah.”
Momomi gave her an uncertain glance. “You’re not… against that kind of thing, are you, Amane-san? You never struck me as the type, but then again, you’re from a traditional family.”
“It’s a natural thing. As natural as any other.”
Momomi smiled. “Acknowledging that is not the same as you liking or disliking it, Amane-san.”
“Ah.” Amane shrugged again. “I don’t have a strong opinion either way.”
“I should have known. What do you have a serious opinion about, actually?”
Amane appeared to consider this. “Horses. I believe I’m informed about horses.”
“I see.” Momomi tried not to laugh, mostly because she couldn’t tell whether or not Amane was being facetious. Like Olesa, she was impossible to read.
Amane ignored her laughter with a slightly pained dignity. “In any case, you’re playing dangerously. Offending Kenjou too much would be counter-productive. I’m not even sure why you are venturing this.”
“Having cold feet?” Momomi smirked. “That’s fine. I’ll go away if you want.”
“That wasn’t the question.”
Momomi frowned, aware she was being lead again. “I wasn’t aware there was a question.”
“Let me state it plainly, then. Why are you doing this?”
“Why are you doing this?” Momomi frowned and looked at the sky. “Even if you ask that, I don’t think I have a simple answer. Olesa said it might make Kaname jealous… but I guess that was never my personal reason.”
“Ah.”
Momomi glanced at her. “Mostly, I wanted to feel that I was doing something. And I guess this is still that to me. Even if we row, I’ll enjoy that in a strange way, I think. By falling out, patching things up, and moving on… it gives me something else to think about. In a way, it’ll let me move on from my own feelings, too.”
“If life was that simple, yours would be a fickle affection.”
Momomi blinked at that reply. “Well, perhaps you’re right. But shouldn’t I wish for a fickle affection of mine in a situation like this?”
Amane frowned and didn’t reply for a few seconds. “Even if in pragmatic terms that is true, it still sounds strange. Your emotions are a hope, a aspiration of something closer. Even if they pain you, giving them up represents something lost. In the same way an abandoned dream is something lost, however unrealistic.”
Momomi leaned forwards. “You know, that’s quite hypocritical of you. You say that you dislike those who fall for you, but you idealise those unrequited feelings. Don’t you just enjoy the attention while pretending it’s annoying for you?”
“Maybe.” Amane glanced at the sky herself. “But if it is difficult for me, I can respect their feelings. They are a dream, an aspiration, a desire that the world should be changed.”
“Everyone has dreams. What’s so special about that?”
“Dreams are important.”
Momomi laughed. “Sentimental, aren’t you? Dreams are just that, dreams. Idle fancies, whether they come by night or die. Even if you struggle and pour all your hope and heart into them, something that nebulous won’t ever reward you. They keep people struggling through life, no more. And then you’re betrayed when you die.” Momomi leaned back. “Well, that’s how I see dreams, anyway. They’re nice, sure… but I’ll quote a good friend and say the world isn’t that convenient. It’s better to be realistic about life.”
Amane was silent for a few moments before she spoke again. “Kenjou’s dream came true. Your dream came true.”
Momomi blinked. “What do you mean?”
“Kenjou came to this school. You remained at this school. Struggle actualised your aspirations, but it was the aspiration which came first and motivated the struggle.”
Momomi frowned. “Well, yes, but just look at Kaname’s scholarship. For that single place, there were probably hundreds of applicants. But hers was the only dream to come true. Life is cruel like that. In the end, it’s selection, not aspiration that decides things. It’s the same… even if I wish for Kaname to return my feelings, that won’t happen. It’s a decided thing.”
“Nonetheless, dreams are what create movement. That many fail is beside the point, as some succeed. Human struggle and human achievement… Kenjou’s talent and your force of will… qualities decide matters. But without aspiration, ability does not move.” Amane shrugged. “That’s why you should hold onto your feelings. They are your strength.”
Momomi frowned again, fiddling with her hair. Wait, did I just have a deep, meaningful conversation with Amane, of all people? Even if she’s still speaking in the same dull way, everything she’s saying…it’s hard to grasp. And hard to argue with. She has a manner of speaking that suggests everything is settled. This would definitely count as a serious opinion, too, but where did it come from? Her friend who fell in love with her? I suppose she has plenty of time to think about such complicated things. But even so, she’s still an enigma to me. Where did that feeling come from? And where does it go when she’s spending most of her time?
Amane finished her breakfast and pushed herself up. “We should feed the horses.”
“Right.” Momomi followed her, staring at the back of Amane’s neck as if hoping it would enlighten her. “You think about this kind of thing a lot, don’t you?”
“Ah.”
Momomi sighed, sensing that the conversation was over. “Well, I’ll continue to see you for now. Like my friends said, if Kaname won’t even let me do this there’s probably something wrong with our relationship anyway.”
“Ah.”
“Besides, aren’t you the one who is more inconvenienced? Students armed with silly rumours are already pestering me. The kind that might annoy you.”
“I’m indifferent.”
“Why?” Momomi picked up a handful of hay. “This is one heck of a thing to be indifferent too, you know. You do know what I mean, right?”
“Of course. That’s why I’m indifferent.” Amane patted Starbright on the nose. “There, there. How are you this morning?”
Momomi tried to ignore this rare display of humanity and focus on the matter in hand. “I wish I knew where you got that casual attitude from.”
“You wish to be attached to Kenjou. I have no such wish to be attached to anyone. Rumours do not inconvenience me. In fact, they are useful, provided I do not have to substantiate them with action.”
Momomi reached for more hay. “So, basically, you’re using me so it appears you’re interested in me. That makes your fangirls back off a little.”
“That is not my intention, merely a beneficial example of collateral.”
“I see.” Momomi frowned. “Even so, you really don’t care about these things, do you? I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.”
“Ah.”
Momomi fed Sol, watching the horse chew on the hay with every appearance of satisfaction. “So… if dreams are so important, what are your dreams, Amane-san? To become a great horse breeder and rider?”
Amane stopped for a moment. “I have no dreams.”
“Say what?” Momomi smiled. “You have a penchant for the dramatic, don’t you?”
“Ah.”
“Oh, come on. There must be something, right? Even for you, there must be something you want to achieve. You can’t tell me you think anything else.”
Amane shrugged. “How about you?”
“How about me? Well, you dress up my feelings as a dream, which is a little dramatic too… I guess they have that much chance of being requited, though.” She laughed shortly. “As for the rest, I want to live an independent life, here in Japan. I want to go to a good university and study law, and then I’ll become a lawyer and bring in enough money to live in mild opulence here. Beyond that, not much, I suppose.”
“Ah.”
“Oh? Not much interest in my aspirations to the upper-middle class? Well, I suppose in my case it’s more of a coming down gently… but whatever. I’ve given you a fair answer.” Momomi folded her arms and glanced back at Amane. “So tell me. What do you want? Even if it’s stupid, it’s not like I’ll laugh or anything.”
“I told you. I have no dreams.” Amane patted Starbright again. “I have no reason to lie to you.”
“Well, why? Everyone wants something.”
“I have received much, and I want nothing. I have found no conviction deep enough to move me. I have never had to move.”
Momomi glanced back at her. “You know, Kaname hates that kind of attitude from someone like you. She says everything you have is wasted on you.”
“Ah. She may be right.” Amane didn’t look round. “Time has passed, Phareli-san. You would do well to go and eat your breakfast now. I can handle the rest.”
Momomi nodded uncertainly. “Okay, you’re right.” She glanced at the blue-haired girl’s back. “Well, see you, Amane-san.”
“Goodbye.”
Momomi walked away, feeling uncomfortable. Did I upset her, or something? I didn’t think she’d be sensitive enough to be upset just from that. Especially with her too-cool, apathetic attitude to everything, which was on full display with all that stuff about not dreaming. Then again, she may act like that because she is actually sensitive…I don’t know, I’m not a psychologist. Either way, I’m confused, and not a little annoyed. She intrudes as much as she likes with me but she certainly doesn’t like to let me probe her in return, and she dismisses me freely. It’s cold, to say the least, but I guess I shouldn’t expect her to be anything like a normal friend. She’s doing me a favour, after all, so I’ll have to put up with her attitude. It’s discouraging. Momomi closed her eyes, going over everything that they’d said. But all the same, I’ve made progress. She’s willing to talk to me, if nothing else, and apparently I’m even worth her descending from her cloud long enough to provide warnings. About personal matters, no less, as if she knew anything about that. But I have to forgive under the circumstances. And when she talked about dreams, that was surprising. And quite interesting. It reminded me of Kaname’s rants, a little, I suppose. A little more dreamy and romanticised, a little less insane, but it had a similar feel to it. Something of surprising depth and detail coming from the mouth of someone I associate with neither. Those were her sincere thoughts. I’m sure of it. I just wish I knew what they meant, but again, I’m not a psychologist. Well, either way, I have something to report to the others, but I’m not sure whether I will. It felt almost… personal, back there. That’s a little surprising, but maybe she really is just lonely. Either way, I have enough decency not to discuss everything with the others. Shion can ask questions herself.
Momomi dismissed her idle thoughts as she entered the main building and walked quickly towards the canteen. I wonder whether Kaname will be mad again…that’s probably the idea, but I don’t like it. I hope she isn’t too difficult. When her eyes swept the canteen, though, there was no sign of her blue-haired friend. She walked up to the table she thought of as theirs by now. “Hi, guys.”
“Good morning,” Shion returned pleasantly. “Did you speak with Ohtori-san again?”
“For a while, yeah. Where’s Kaname?”
Shion’s lips contracted slightly. “She hasn’t come here. I thought you’d know. Well, she’s always been like that, I suppose.”
“She’s probably training in the dojo, after how badly Kariya-sama showed her up last might. She’s the type to do stupid things like that.” Amiki smirked at the thought. “Now that would be funny. But shouldn’t you know, Kiyashiki? Aren’t you her handler?”
Momomi shrugged. “Well, she didn’t say anything, so I thought she was coming here. She might be looking up something relating to the scholarship exams, I suppose. She takes that very seriously.” Yeah, right. I wonder…well, probably best not to think about it.
“Her? Taking studying seriously? That’s hard to imagine.” Amiki shook her head. “Knowing her, she just aced the test by being herself, without actually bothering to work. Everything else if just self-justification.”
“Now, Rivera-san,” Shion chided. “Kenjou-kun can work quite hard when she has to, you know. It’s just that she normally has the motivation and discipline of a hyperactive cat.”
“Okay, that’s enough backhanded compliments, you two. That’s my job.” Momomi smiled at the memories. “In any case, I’m going to get my breakfast.”
“No need.” Olesa pushed a tray towards her.
“When you two didn’t show, Rivera-san was kind enough to get trays for you both.” Shion smiled. “Which just goes to show she’s a gentle and sweet girl despite her tomboy demeanour.”
“What do you know about it? I just didn’t want a repeat of yesterday’s drama.” Amiki folded her arms. “I told Kenjou but not you, you two can get quite ridiculous at times. Don’t do that again, it disturbs Olesa eating.”
“I’ll bear that in mind.” Momomi smiled and sat down. “And thank you, Amiki.”
The other girl snorted and looked away. “Don’t get used to it.”
Amane didn’t look round, continuing to feed the horses. “Isn’t stalking your friend a bad habit, Kenjou?”
Kaname frowned as she stepped into the barn, folding her arms. It’s not usual for her to even acknowledge me, let alone challenge me. “It’s not like that. I’ve come here before, and I’ll come here again. What does that have to do with Momomi?”
“The fact that you’re here.”
“As if she needs my help.”
“It’s yourself you’re looking out for,” Amane replied flatly.
“Wrong. I’m here for you. It’s annoying, Ohtori, to see you dragged into my personal affairs. And it’s probably troublesome for you, as well.” Kaname leaned against one of the stalls with adopted carelessness. “Momomi is using you to get back at me. That much is obvious. I don’t see any good reason for you to get involved. Isn’t it a pain?”
“Of course.”
“Then stop. It’s a pain for me, as well. She’s just playing a childish game.”
“Ah,” Amane replied vaguely. “Well, I won’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“It’s interesting.”
Kaname scowled. “Don’t joke around. Are you going to inconvenience everyone just for that? Hell, why is it even interesting? You’re the most antisocial person I’ve ever met, so what’s different about Momomi?”
“That’s not mine to say, but yours to know.” Amane fed a horse some more straw, patting it on the nose. “Good boy…”
Kaname ground her teeth. “At least face me when I’m talking to you, damnit!”
“Why?”
“That’s only polite.”
“So?”
Kaname tried to restrain her rising irritation. “That’s a child’s tactic, you know, to question everything pointlessly.”
“Ah.”
“In any case, it’s bothering me.” Kaname narrowed her eyes. “I suggest you stay away from her from now on. As a favour.”
This time, Amane looked at her, red eyes cold. “You’re playing too.”
Kaname just blinked, trying to work out what the hell she meant.
“If Kiyashiki-san is playing a childish game, you, too are indulging yourself in that. By coming here, and speaking to me, by acknowledging that this bothers you, by trying to end it… you are playing just like her.” Amane turned away again, walking up the stalls. “When you argued with her over this, that was the same.”
“So what am I supposed to do? Suffer in silence?” Kaname snapped. “I love her as a friend but not… anything more. Why the hell should I be punished for that?”
“If you are just a friend, you can let her be a friend to me as well. Regardless of her motives, you do not have the right to stop her.”
“I’ve heard that before, and I don’t give a damn. I’m not asking for permission.” Kaname’s voice raised in anger, a feeling intensified by Amane’s aura of calm. “What do you know about us, anyway? I’ve suffered for that girl. I’ve told her a lot and listened to a lot and fought to protect her and supported her against her family. Even now, I’m working my ass off to help her with the scholarship exams. That’s more right to her than anyone else has.”
“If that’s all there is, you have an unhealthy relationship, do you not? But I suspect she has given as much as she has taken. In any case, exact equality is not necessary between you.” Amane, her face in profile, smiled slightly. “That is a misconception you both suffer from.”
“Don’t tell me what bloody misconceptions I suffer from. You’re not someone who knows anything about friendship!”
“That’s true.”
Kaname glared at her. “You should remember that.”
“But even I know that you cannot own another person. That is simple, no?”
“Don’t be melodramatic! I’m just sick of her socialising prettily with my rival just to spite me for feelings I’d never be able to return! If you think that’s unreasonable, you’re the one with misconceptions!”
“Don’t get agitated.”
Kaname snorted. “Don’t you dare tell me what to do.”
“Far be it from me to do that.” Amane shrugged. “Nonetheless, I disagree with you. Kiyashiki-san has every right to do this, and you do not have the right to stop her.”
“I don’t see any judges around her,” Kaname growled. “I can do what I damn well please, and you don’t have the right to stop me. I’m just talking, Ohtori.”
“Of course.” Amane turned to face her again. “Then let’s talk, shall we?”
Kaname frowned, a little taken aback by her tone. It’s direct… assured…and her eyes aren’t wavering. Is this the person she really is? “Everything I want to say to you, I’ve already said.”
“A conversation, like a relationship, is a two-way street. I still have things to say to you.” Amane folded her arms. “To Momomi, her feelings for you are a burden she has placed on you. She is ashamed of them.”
Kaname blinked slightly, cut by her words. “What? What do you know about that?”
“Enough to know. How she speaks about them… they are weird, unnatural, and so on. That’s what she says.”
“Don’t screw with me! You wouldn’t know, but Momomi isn’t someone who is ever ashamed of who she is!” Kaname gave her a cold look. “I know who I am. That’s what she told her father. And that took more guts than you’ll ever show in a lifetime!”
“Saying and believing are two different things. And those feelings in general are not the same as her becoming attached to a specific person.” Amane frowned. “I told you this because you should know, Kenjou. Denial won’t help anything.”
“I’ve never held it against her,” Kaname replied, raising her folded arms defensively. “She should know that. And if she feels like that, all she has to do is say!”
“Why aren’t you the one planning to say something to her?”
“Well, what am I supposed to say? Won’t that just embarrass her even more?” Kaname leaned back. “She should know, so I shouldn’t have to say anything.”
“When you speak, Kenjou, my impression of you the opposite of the one you claim.” Amane looked at her with hostile eyes. “You claim the right to restrict her actions, and you leave her to do everything, letting presumption take the place of consideration for her feelings. You take and take. To this day, I have never understood what a person like you has to give.”
“Well, what do you know? You tell me that, Ohtori!” Kaname stepped forwards angrily, hands dropping from her chest and shifting subconsciously into a fighting stance. “We’ve struggled, together, and we’ve done it our way! Not your way, not the Etoile’s way, but our way! I could care less if you don’t understand or if it isn’t convenient for you! I don’t hold her hand and she doesn’t hold mine, but we’re still friends. That’s what we share! You can say a lot of things, Ohtori, but you have no right to tell me I am not a friend to Momomi.”
Amane closed her eyes for a moment. “Ah.”
“How about you? What do you have, Ohtori?” Kaname snapped forwards, infuriated, and grabbed the girl by her neck. “Look at me! What the hell will you give her? Popularity? Polite conversation, a horse, and the idolatry of the masses? Is that what friendship is to you?”
Amane glanced impassively at her, apparently unaware that she had practically been lifted off the floor. “Being used, I serve a purpose. That’s all.”
Kaname glared at her for a moment, then dropped her. “You make me sick.”
“Ah.” Amane kept her gaze steady. “If nothing else, Kenjou, you have passion.”
“Don’t be too surprised. You don’t know who I am.”
“You don’t know me, either.”
“Well, I’m getting a rough idea, and I don’t like it at all.” Kaname returned her stare. “Momomi is my friend, my business. You don’t have any place in that.”
“Ah.” Amane said nothing for a few moments. “So, you are her friend?”
“Of course.”
“No more? Just a friend?”
“Of course!” Kaname retorted, rather more certainly than she actually felt. “It’s not like I’m happy, either, but that’s the way it is.”
“Well, then, if you are her friend, I will ask for your help.” Amane glanced at her. “I would like to date Phareli-san.”
Kaname just stared for a very long moment, trying to process that statement without going completely ballistic. “You want what?”
“I told you. I would like to be romantically involved with her.”
Kaname’s fists balled. “Stop screwing around! I came to tell you to keep the hell away from her!”
“It’s something I intend to pursue, with or without your permission.” Amane’s voice was, as ever, perfectly calm. “Kiyashiki-san is an interesting person.”
“Well, you can do what you like. In case you haven’t noticed, she likes me.”
“Then I will just have to win her. That may take some time, but I’m a patient person.” Amane gave her an almost puzzled glance. “I was hoping you could help me, though, Kenjou.”
Kaname took a deep breath. I wish I was a dragon. Then the most annoying, arrogant, presumptuous, feckless, impolite and intrusive person I’ve ever met would be so much ash, here and now. “Why the hell would I help you take her from me even more?”
“Because it would be convenient for you both.” Amane closed her eyes. “Kiyashiki could forget her feelings for you and reconcile herself with the fact that being attracted to girls is not always harmful. You will gain some relief from the difficulties currently plaguing her. Everyone wins.”
“The problem here is that she’s spending far too much time with you! How would you two being… like that, help me at all?”
Amane sighed. “You’re certainly a possessive friend. Oh, well. I’ll do it alone.”
“Like I’ll let you.” Kaname was vaguely aware that the bell had rung long since but she didn’t give a damn. “I’m not going to let just anyone play on her feelings, especially after a rejection. Least of all you! You’re the last person worth her time!”
“Then who is worth her time?” Amane folded her arms when no reply came. “In any case, it’s nothing to do with you, Kenjou.”
“The hell it isn’t! I’m her best friend!”
“Kiyashiki is intelligent enough to make her own decisions. You acknowledged that when you helped her against her parents.” Amane closed her eyes again. “Your friendship is between you and her. But my relationship with her is also between myself and her. You’re not involved.”
“Do you expect me to believe that?” Kaname folded her arms herself, fingers twitching. “Forget it, Ohtori. I know her. You don’t. That’s the difference between us.”
“I don’t know her, that’s true. But I know of her, and I would like to know her better. Besides, she approached me, not the other way round. She began everything.”
“You admitted she’s using you, so you aren’t allowed to go further than that.” Kaname resisted the temptation to attack her again. “That’s clear, isn’t it? I hate things as they are now! I definitely won’t let you go any further?”
“Why?”
“Because I’m a good friend!”
“A good friend would determine her friend’s feelings first, before making any sweeping judgements.”
“I know her feelings, unlike you, because I know her. She likes me and she’d never fall for someone like you. Clinging to your money and gentility… you’re the opposite of her!”
“Perhaps that’s true. If she rejects me, it’s a completed matter.” Amane opened her eyes again. “But I should be allowed a fair chance. If you’re so confident in your beliefs, you wouldn’t have any problems with that, would you?”
“I’m confident, believe me.”
“Then don’t interfere.”
Kaname bit her lip, feeling frustrated. “Someone like you doesn’t even deserve a fair chance…”
“That’s a poor excuse. What’s your objection, Kenjou? Surely a good friend should be glad?”
“You’re my objection!”
“Kiyashiki-san plainly does not hold me in as much contempt as you do. I told you before, Kenjou, it’s not your judgement to make.”
“I’ll make my own judgements.”
Amane sighed deeply. “Then there’s nothing more to say.”
“I told you. I was finished a long time ago.” Kaname glowered. “The rest of this conversation was a waste of my time.”
“Ah.” Amane took off her riding coat and hung it on a nearby hook, picking up her blazer and putting it on.
“Now listen carefully, Ohtori. Stay away from Momomi. She’s not yours.”
“I’ll make her mine.” Amane spoke coldly, harshly, her eyes emotionless but somehow… savage.
Kaname was momentarily paralysed by that, suffering under the gaze of an ice prince. Then Amane stepped past her without another word and left the stable.
Kaname remained there for a few moments, battling with the emotions boiling in her stomach. As ever, she lost, punching a post and hurting her arm. “That bitch! What the hell is she doing, speaking so arrogantly? God, I won’t forgive her, I won’t forgive her, I won’t forgive her… I swear, if she so much as touches Momomi I’ll snap her in half and throw her beneath her own horse! No, I’ll do that anyway! Who is she to talk to that? I don’t care what she says! I won’t let her! I won’t let her! I won’t let her!”
Starbright whinnied as she paused for breath, uncurling her hands again and almost experimentally pressing her palms against her face. It was boiling hot. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! She punched the post again, enjoying the pain. “I won’t… I won’t let her…” She took a ragged breath. What the fuck is this? Coming all to pieces? Am I that bloody scared of Amane? God, even if I don’t know what that was, I’m not afraid of her! I’m the one who knows Momomi! I’m not afraid!
What do I have to be afraid of, anyway?
She hated that voice. But she was going to change its name. From now on, it was called Amane, after the worst, most stuck-up, egocentric, antisocial, obsessive, pathological, twisted, scheming, conniving, malicious… popular, clever, beautiful… she gave up. I’m not sure whether I want to destroy something or sleep for a week. Either would be an escape from this agonising anger. Fuck! It’s the way she speaks… I’m not going to let anyone talk about Momomi that way…and she says I treat her like I own her… she’s just too… so…god. It’s wrong. It’s all wrong. Kaname kicked the post for good measure, hissing with rage at the pain. Then she turned and staggered out of the stables, heading blindly through the forest. Screw this, screw breakfast, screw it all. Screw her. That’s right, screw her. Because she wants to screw Momomi. Why? Why the fuck is it her and her? What kind of bloody sense does that make? They barely know enough other, it’s just wrong. I won’t accept it. There’s nothing to accept. Momomi likes me, after all. She said that. Amane doesn’t stand a chance. I won’t let her have a chance. No way. She doesn’t deserve it. Not after she talks about my Momomi like that. My as a friend. Not property. I don’t own her. And I give as well, I give a lot! It’s been hard, sometimes. That was just nonsense. Convenient for her. She probably said it to screw with me.
Yeah, that’s right. She must see me as a rival now, in this perverted way. Whatever I say, people will see that possibility. And I’ll stop her anyway! But is that… because…no. She might be leading me. Perhaps she’s leading me. Is she screwing around and hoping that I’ll get mad because I… well…but that can’t be it. Right? She was so forceful. Besides, what is she going to think? I’m getting mad, I’m reacting just like she’d want me too, if that was the case…but not for the reasons she thinks. I think. What do I know? Surely I should know. Fuck Amiki. What does she know? She’s my only friend. My important, first friend. Of course I’m possessive… what’s wrong with that? Is that so bad? What do I have to give? What could I give… what do I want to give? It all comes down to that. Even if Amane says all that, I’m the one who accepts things as they are, to everyone else, it’s give and take, this and that, a trade. Be my girlfriend and have this much of my time. Be my best friend and have less, friends even less… it’s a fucking hierarchy. I don’t believe in that shit. I just want to be with Momomi. Is that so wrong? Why is everybody bloody judging me? What’s their bloody problem? Do they hate me that much?
Kaname scowled and bit her lip hard, hard enough to pain her. Fuck. I’m a miserable wreak. What’s up with that? Fuck. This pisses me off. I’m not going to think. I don’t need to think. There’s nothing to think about…there’s nothing to worry about. That’s all. She looked around, forcing her mind to normalcy. I hope a sister doesn’t find me…well, I could care less, actually. I could do with something else to be annoyed about.
It’s difficult to think about all this.
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