Momomi sat and looked at the ceiling, probing her own emotions. And she was pretty sure she was feeling a lot better this morning than she did the morning before. Why’s that then? Because I have a plan? Well, it’s more like someone else gave me a plan, but that way works too. Plans, eh? There’s something about them, that’s hard to define. She blinked in the dark, listening to the sound of Kaname’s gentle breathing as she slept. I came up with some many plans with her, when we were anticipating my parents attempting to take me away. Truthfully, we didn’t use any more than a tenth of them, and I got off as a result of something else entirely, but they were still important, I think. Plans are… a coping device. When we were alone and facing a cruel reality, plans were a way to take back control, I suppose. I was feeling helpless, dominated by my father, which is the story of my life…but Kaname always had another plan to discuss with me. And plans make you think that perhaps you’re not so hopeless after all, perhaps you can regain the initiative, at the very least you can be proactive, rather than sitting back and waiting for the inevitable to happen. So even if very few of her plans actually helped, they helped me on another level entirely. I don’t doubt that without Kaname I’d have no reason to fight it. More than that, without her I would have snapped under the pressure and caved in. I’m sure of it. But it’s not like she did that consciously. That’s Kaname’s gift. Even if she says she’s socially unskilled, she manages to do so much right, for me at least. Even if it’s only by accident, that’s still something precious to me. Oh, she screws up, but so do I, we’re only human. Now I’ve screwed up and the idea that I can at least do something, instead of sitting and sulking, is also precious to me. Just like before, I need that activity to clear my mind, and perhaps drive these damaging feelings out. I don’t think that was Olesa’s intentions, but I’ll run with it, all the same. I have to do something, after all.
Momomi sighed and turned her head, regarding the silhouette of Kaname asleep. Even now, it doesn’t take anything more than the sight of her to feel this strange twinge in my chest. Emotions are so insistently bothersome. It’s like…being hungry or something. Okay, so I won’t die if I don’t gratify them, but all the same, it’s that nagging sensation that won’t go away. It won’t respond to logic, either. Even if you say it’s impossible, that there’s no food for miles around, or that you have to avoid eating, that feeling won’t go away. The body won’t listen to the mind. Body, physicality, it is a matter of that, in part. But more than sexually, not really sexually, to be honest. I just want to be able to hold onto her without her pushing away from me, knowing that she feels the same way about me. Is that so much? Actually, it might as well be the world I’m begging her for. It’s not for the lack of goodwill, it’s just something she can’t physically give. It’s not reasonable for me to ask her for it. But even if I asked her out loud once, just once, I still ask her again and again in my thoughts and my dreams and maybe even my eyes. I can only hope she can’t see that, because I don’t want her to see that, because it won’t go away. I don’t want her to hate me. Momomi placed a hand against her chest, trying to draw off some of the warmth there. The desire for food? No, perhaps this is more fundamental than that. I feel like I’m suffocating.
Things were so much easier before. Things were fun, when it was just the two of us together, without responsibilities and without complexities, against the world. That was a lot simpler. Momomi closed her eyes and forced herself to look away. She didn’t want Kaname to catch her staring, even if it was too early for that. You never knew. It was so remote at first that it was almost a game, the two of us facing off against my father from across the world. We argued a lot and we hurt each other a lot and the one time we almost ruined things outright, but it was still simple and clean. What we wanted from each other was exactly what we were willing to give, even if we didn’t know it at that time. But things became different, and they’re even more different now. Kaname supported me against my parents, but only as a friend, and yet somewhere amidst that I began to see her differently from the way I did before. And now we have friends ourselves, people who know us and care about us, so we can’t just do what we like any more. More than that, they can see us, perhaps even more clearly than we see ourselves, they can cut past all the barriers. No, we let them learn how to do that, by staying close to them. It’s not a bad thing but it makes uncomfortable truths impossible to hide, even if I want to hide them from myself. And most of all, it’s all different. What I want from Kaname isn’t something she can give me, and things are getting so bad I’m not even sure whether I can give her what she wants in return. Everything’s so much harder. If I’m honest, I’m no good at this stuff myself. I just followed my instincts, and it got me this far. But no further, so I’m not sure what to do I’m powerless. Momomi sighed at this thought. That’s why I need a plan. It lets me forget that I’m completely lost now.
“… you awake?”
Damn. Did she see me? “Yeah,” Momomi replied. “I woke up earlier.”
“Me too,” Kaname mumbled, her head still half-buried in the pillow. “Nostalgic, isn’t it?”
Momomi remembered the last time they’d talked in the dark. “You’re right, I suppose it is.”
“What’s keeping you up?”
Don’t you know? “Oh, I’m just worrying about school,” Momomi began, working out the excuse in her head. “I need to catch up on my schoolwork, clean the church every day and start on that script with Olesa.” She laughed quietly. “The problem with a holiday from responsibility is you have to come back eventually.”
“I know the feeling.” Kaname shifted, still looking away from her. “We need to start studying for the scholarship exams, too.”
“Oh, yeah. I’d forgotten about that.” Momomi winced. Oh, great. Study date. I’m going to suffer through this…
“Even if you’re doing other stuff, we have to hurry. You do need to work for it. Even I need to work for it.”
“When do you suggest, then?”
Kaname moaned. “Don’t ask me hard questions so early in the morning…”
“You brought it up,” Momomi reminded her, still talking quietly. “The least you can do is think about it.”
“Lunchtime. Probably.”
Momomi bit her lip, considering. “Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. But we’re seriously running out of time in the day for everything, aren’t we? At this rate I won’t be able to keep up with my schoolwork and I’ll end up expelled.”
“We’ll just have to work, for once,” Kaname replied. Her voice still sounded sleepy. “We saved up a lot of energy from earlier in the year, didn’t we?”
“I don’t think it works like that,” Momomi replied automatically.
“Go to bed later, maybe.” Kaname yawned. “And I need to pick up kendo again, from today onwards. Won’t be able to make your script meetings.”
“It’s fine,” Momomi replied, wondering whether it was. “You’re not exactly much help anyway.”
“Yeah, yeah…” Kaname shifted again. “Anyway, lunchtime will do for now. More later.”
“You take this really seriously, don’t you?”
“It’s about the only thing I ever worked for.”
“Well, you’ll motivate me,” Momomi said cautiously. Actually, this is difficult. I don’t have much time to spend deliberately away from Kaname that she’ll actually notice, for a start. Perhaps I shouldn’t have committed to so many things…too late now. And I don’t go back on my word, which is why I’m loath to give it in the first place.
“Of course. Don’t worry about that.”
Momomi smiled despite herself. “Wouldn’t dream of it.” She leaned back on her pillow, feeling more relaxed. “So, do you wanna go to sleep? Or shall we keep talking?”
“Even if I want to sleep, there’s no point now.”
“I guess so.” Momomi glanced at Kaname again, noting that she still wasn’t facing her. “Why did you wake up? Is this the day where you go to moon over Amane again?”
“Not that,” Kaname replied. “I’m too lazy to argue. I had a bad dream, that’s all… well, more like bad thoughts.”
“Bad thoughts?”
“A memory. Remembering my mother. I think it’s the thought of those exams, I guess.” Her voice was coming stronger.
“Knowing us, these wouldn’t be happy memories, would they?” Momomi asked sympathetically. “You can tell me about it, if you like.”
“There’s nothing to tell. It’s not really even a memory, just a child’s feelings. Nothing important.” Kaname sighed deeply, belying her own words. “My father wasn’t really interested in me. Actually, my mother wasn’t any different. To her, I think… I didn’t have the right to do anything but fail and rot.”
“I don’t understand.”
“My intelligence, skill and fitness, they’re hardly things I’m unaware of,” Kaname stated. “But none of that pleased her. She never went to meetings or asked about my results. Other parents would ask after me or congratulate her, a few of them were even jealous, but she hated that. I’m almost sure that something thrust on her like me wasn’t supposed to have any merits at all.”
“I shouldn’t think it was that. People don’t think like that. She was probably just severe, because it’s not like you needed encouragement.”
“That’s what I’d tell everyone else, but I’m human too.” Kaname yawned to cover another sigh, but Momomi heard both. “I need someone, somewhere, to care. I need someone to know I exist. But that was never going to be my mother. That’s what I realised.”
Momomi nodded, even though Kaname couldn’t see.
“So I cast about, looking for something, anything, a challenge… and I settled on this. Sometimes I think I wanted to defy my own destiny, but sometimes I wonder whether it’s simpler than that. Perhaps, deep down, the little girl called Kaname just wanted to achieve something so monumental that my mother would have to care.” Kaname rubbed her head. “I don’t want to have to think about that.”
“It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone wants parents who care about them, and people to care. That’s where you’re different from me.” Momomi closed her eyes. “I guess mother’s always loved me. Even if it means nothing, even if it’s useless when faced by father’s domination, at least the sentiment’s there. To not even have that…”
“Don’t feel too sorry for me. At least I have a mother, and I’m strong enough to cope.”
“You are. That’s why you’re amazing.” Momomi glanced at her. “How did she react?”
“To what? Me passing the tests?”
“Yeah.”
“What do you think? She said she was glad to be rid of me for the next six years. Even then, she shouted at me for going behind her back.”
“That’s… pretty cruel,” Momomi murmured.
“You shouldn’t say that. I don’t want pity from you, because you’re life’s miserable too in that respect.”
“I have Luigia, Araldo and even Yukaho. It’s way too different.” Momomi sounded melancholy. “Even though, I don’t pity you. It’s not understanding, either. But I can empathise with you.”
“What’s there to empathise with? It’s just my own stupid thoughts.” Kaname adopted her defensive tone. “I don’t really care, anyway. But angst feels right for an early morning.”
“This does upset you. I can tell that. So don’t bother to deny it.” Momomi stretched. “Father will never accept that I’m gay… but if she really is that bad, your mother will never accept you at all. Am I wrong?”
“I guess not. It’s nothing so dramatic, though.” Kaname shrugged uneasily. “It’s not important, though. Just something I think about.”
Momomi propped herself up on her elbows and looked across the room. “Even thoughts are important, you know.”
“I told you, it doesn’t really bother me. I’m not even sure why I brought it up.”
Momomi looked at her and wondered. “It’s a little nostalgic, actually.”
Kaname grunted. “What are you muttering about now?”
Momomi felt her breath catch slightly as she was lost in her memories, and for a moment all her reservations and bitterness and plans were a long way away. Just like before, actually. The only thing I could think of was whether I dared to move. My instincts lean to that, but things are different now. It’s not like I care, though. She stood up and walked casually towards Kaname, as slowly as possible, trying not to appear threatening. Then she sat on the edge of the bed and touched Kaname’s shoulder. “Is it alright?”
“You always overreact to everything,” Kaname muttered, still staring at the wall.
“I’ll take that as a yes.” Momomi placed her hands on her friend’s back. “You’re always struggling alone, Kaname. That’s all you could ever do. But it’s not like you’re alone any more.”
“Even if you say that… even if you care… that doesn’t change the world,” Kaname retorted weakly.
“Oh? Do you want me to go back?”
“No. It’s fine.” Kaname closed her eyes. “Even if it’s a little embarrassing. I’m getting up on principle.” She sat up, but Momomi hugged her around the back before she could move further. “You’re overreacting again…”
“Sorry.”
Kaname sighed. “You know, I was worried that you didn’t care any more.”
“Worried?”
“Yeah. Worried.”
Momomi smiled weakly. “How could you think of something that stupid?”
“Well, it was just… you know…”
“I couldn’t stop caring,” Momomi whispered. “Even if I tried. That’s why-” Her eyes were moist, so she buried her face in her friend’s back, hoping Kaname wouldn’t notice. “It doesn’t matter. I have to keep looking after a stupid girl like you.”
“I guess you’re right.”
“But are you sure you’re fine like this?” Momomi’s voice was very small. “You should know that I’ll never be the one to pull away.”
“Just this… it’s fine. It reminds me of the… of everything.” Kaname shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. It’s fine.”
“But this is what a sister should feel like,” Momomi carried on hurriedly, even if her own words were killing her. “When things got really bad, Luigia would do this much for me. It’s only fair you should know what it’s like.”
Kaname just nodded and closed her eyes.
If only either of us were that easy to fool. Momomi closed her eyes and tried to bury her own thoughts and memories of these moments, but that was beyond her. God, what am I doing? She’s barely wearing anything, just her night-clothes, and I can practically taste the sweat on her back. I can smell her all around me. It’s not like she smells like flowers or grass or anything romantic like that, people generally don’t. But she smells… warm. Sweat and skin and hair, she’s physical, real and here, and even if I close my eyes I can still feel her and hear her, I can still feel her scent running through me. I can’t deny that sensation. This is why now is totally different than before. Before, I only wanted to take away her pain. Now, I can only think of mine. So it’s useless for me to chase after the past like this, but still, I won’t pull away. Even if it’s just a touch, I’ll enact any deception, I’m sinking that low. Is that so wrong? Because you’re beautiful, Kaname, you’re beautiful to me, and the moment I thought I could forget you remind me all over again. But that doesn’t matter. I’ll still be your friend, and I’ll still relieve your pain. I’ll do that much for you, you deserve that much from me. I won’t let these stupid thoughts hold me back, I’m just wasting my own time. I can’t make the world better by beating myself up. But perhaps holding you will help you, just a little. When my feelings are like this, though, who is embracing who? Who’s being helped? Is this for your sake, or mine? I wish I know. I don’t know anything at all.
“We should go,” Kaname said eventually. “We need to get ready for school, after all.”
“Right.” Momomi disengaged herself and retreated back to her bed, hugging her knees and facing the wall. She didn’t want Kaname to see her blushing, but thankfully the blue-haired girl was already heading for the bathroom. At least she has that much tact.
“And can you… help me, brush my hair?” Kaname mumbled, looking over her shoulder.
“What?”
“Well, even if I try myself, I only get impatient,” Kaname said quickly. “And you’re a lot better at it. So couldn’t you carry on doing me that favour?”
“I thought you wanted me to stop,” Momomi asked.
“I never wanted that. I just have communication problems.” Kaname closed the bathroom door. “I’d appreciate it.”
She has become accustomed to you being with her always. Momomi blinked, and tried another tack. “Well… shouldn’t you want me to stop? It’s not usual, is it?”
“I’ve been thinking about that, and I remembered. It’s not like our relationship’s normal anyway. Doing my hair… isn’t that another sister thing?”
“I suppose it is,” Momomi replied, uncomfortable with her own excuse coming back at her. “I’m not your sister, though.”
“You’re the one that looks after me.”
You give her the attention of a girlfriend, even though she retains the official status of friend. “Even so… I’m not sure I’d be comfortable with it…”
“You ‘re still making a fuss about the wrong things!” Kaname sighed. “Please?”
I should say no. I need to say no. We can’t go back to that ambiguous state again, things are hard enough for me as it is. “I can’t-”
“Why not? Come on, it’s only brushing my hair!”
“Why are you so insistent on this?” Momomi asked miserably.
“Because I miss it. That’s reason enough, isn’t it?” Kaname sounded calm, if a little embarrassed. “If I insisted on changing everything just because of… that, that’d be bloody immature of me. I kinda liked things the way they were, so…”
Momomi looked at the flowers she’d brought Kaname, and felt a little sick. She rejects my feelings, but she’s sure to keep the flowers. And she thinks that’s kindness. Who am I to deny her that? “Well, if you insist.” She tried to find some life in her voice. “It’s just like you to fall apart after even a day without my help. I guess I don’t have a choice.”
“Sure. Don’t get too cocky…”
“Likewise,” Momomi teased. “Don’t take me for granted.”
I’m hopeless, I really am. I’m not sure I can take this.
They followed their normal routine, the one that they’d gradually taken to after they’d become accustomed to each other, before everything had changed. Momomi, sure she’d shown quite enough weakness for an entire week, smiled and joked and played with words, even when she was brushing Kaname’s hair, her mind paralysed by the coarse but pleasant texture. It was pleasant, something that made both of them feel a little less tense. Momomi almost asked Kaname to return the favour. Almost. Quite apart from the damage that would cause to her, she didn’t want the additional complications. Things were bad enough as they were, without adding to them. An through it all she wondered where her new resolve had gone. As ever, her intentions and pride and dignity were all so much chafe before the wind that was Kaname. It wasn’t a pleasant thought. More than that, she knew that was something she had to overcome.
So when they started to walk towards the canteen she spoke up, saying something she’d decided back in their room. “You go on ahead. I’m going to take a walk.”
Kaname blinked. “A walk?”
“I’m still feeling sleepy. A little cold air will do me some good.”
“I guess so. I’ll come with you. I could do with that myself.”
“No!” Momomi blinked. “Sorry, I mean… I need you to get my breakfast for me. I’ll be back to eat it later, but I need someone to get it. I can count on you, right?”
Kaname frowned and stuck her hands in her pockets. “Sure. If you like.” She looked slightly hurt.
“Tell the others where I’ve gone,” Momomi instructed.
“Sure.”
“I just need some time to think, that’s all.” Why am I apologising? I’m pretty sure I’m not supposed to…but I’ve already established I can never do what I’m supposed to around Kaname.
“No, it’s fine. Enjoy your walk.” Kaname sounded a little more satisfied now, if not actually happy. “Be back before the start of lessons.”
“I know. I’m the one who has to tell you about the importance of breakfast, right?”
“I know all that stuff. I know my biology, after all.” Kaname shrugged. “Just be back on time, that’s all.”
“I will.” Momomi turned off, nodding over her shoulder. “See you.”
“See you.”
Momomi walked on, feeling surprisingly forlorn. This is pathetic. You’re missing all of fifteen minutes in her company, if that. Don’t be too mournful. She stepped outside, feeling the breeze toy with her hair and smiling. Popular but lonely, single without any serious potential partners, in my year, attractive, intelligent, talented but not exactly arrogant. She even looks a little like Kaname. In all respects, she’s definitely someone that anyone could be jealous of, I understand that. On the other hand, I have two areas of concern. Considering Amane’s disinterest with everything, why the hell would she have any interest in me? Hell, why would she even tolerate my existence if she didn’t have to? On top of that, I’m uncomfortable with the idea of just using her without telling her. Which is pretty ludicrous, coming from me, and is rendered even more ludicrous because that’d only be a huge problem if she fell for me. Which isn’t going to happen. Amane doesn’t fall for anyone, no matter their quality. There are even malicious rumours flying round the school that she’s straight. All that, though, is another reason why she wouldn’t tolerate me, and how stupid am I going to sound if I try to explain it? And then there’s problem two, the fact that Kaname is going to kill me, tie weights to my shoes and drop me in the lake when she finds out. Olesa’s plan is fine as far as it goes but the problem is that anyone would be jealous of me, not just Kaname, because Amane is exceptional. And exceptional people are slightly difficult to impress by your attention, they’re used to it. Momomi shrugged. On the other hand, I can reliably know where she is at any given time, and I’m me. I’ll probably think of something when I get there.
Momomi frowned when she saw Amane, sitting in front of the paddock and eating her breakfast. When Olesa told me that, I was dubious, even though she confirmed it about six times. It’s very early in the morning to be up, and why is she eating outside at all?
Amane noticed her and frowned monetarily, then looked away.
Momomi winced. She has a good way of making herself unapproachable. Well, fine. I don’t compromise my dignity for anyone’s convenience. If she wants to play it like that, I will. She strode forwards as if she hadn’t noticed Amane, turned, and leaned against the paddock fence, looking up at the sky as if it was the most fascinating thing in the world.
Amane continued to eat her breakfast with every sign of enjoyment. She was wearing her riding coat over her school uniform, though Momomi wasn’t sure why.
Momomi frowned, deciding she shouldn’t be looking at all, and returned her attention to the sky above her. The sky’s blue, but there’s a lot of cloud out today. We might get some rain. The sun’s bright but low in the sky, so it’s pretty cold as well. I wish I’d brought a coat, I wouldn’t like to be caught out here in the rain without one.
Amane set her soup aside and began to finish the last of her rice.
The clouds are pretty, though, even if they’re a little grey. Momomi stared upwards at them. You’re supposed to be able to see shapes in them, but I’ve never been any good at that. Well, that one looks like a load of cotton wool. The problem is, they all look like that.
Amane set her breakfast aside and stood, brushing herself off and chasing a stray piece of rice from her shoulder. Then she turned and walked towards the stables.
That one looks like a cat. If you squint. And I mean, really squint. Momomi sighed. Somehow I don’t think Kaname is going to be jealous of me cloud-gazing. Oh, well… it was a silly idea anyway. Not really a cat. More of a stoat type creature? Do I even know what a stoat looks like? I can’t remember.
“You’re… Momomi Phareli, aren’t you?”
Momomi jumped, turning to find Amane standing about a foot from her with a neutral expression. “Well… yes. What of it?”
“A Phareli would know how to keep horses, no?”
“A little,” Momomi admitted, strangely unsurprised by the way the conversation was going. Well, this is Amane, after all.
“That’s enough to feed them. Come.” Amane turned and walked away as if was assumed that Momomi would follow.
Momomi followed, feeling annoyed. “It’s Kiyashiki, by the way.”
“Sorry?” Amane asked, without looking round.
“As far as I’m concerned, my surname is Kiyashiki.”
“Ah.” Amane glanced at her again, as if she was going to say more, then shrugged and turned back.
Momomi frowned as they entered the stables, looking round at all the horses there. I don’t particularly like horses, but I can feed them, damnit. Heck, I can ride and everything else, but I don’t like to. I never understood the horsephilia of people like Amane. She smirked at the thought. Actually, that would explain why Amane doesn’t date anyone.
“Just top up their hay.”
“Yes, I know.” Momomi ground her teeth. “I may not like it, but for the purposes of horses I am a Phareli. It’s a done thing, is it not? My father does the done things.”
“I’ve always found that attitude vaguely annoying.”
“So do I, by my reasons are pretty much totally opposite your own.” Momomi grabbed some hay and started to refill the first’s feed.
“Ah.” Amane was working her way down the line opposite. “Don’t mention this to others.”
“Sorry?”
Amane sighed. “If it’s known I’m letting people help me, everyone will volunteer. A cloud of overenthusiastic amateurs is troublesome.”
Momomi tried not to laugh. “Has that happened before? Was it so bad?”
“It annoys the horses. It annoys me, come to that. Accidents can happen as well.” Amane sighed. “If it’s another competent person, I won’t say no, though. It beats looking at clouds.”
“Those clouds were very pretty.” Momomi folded her arms and pouted. “One of them looked like a cat.”
“Ah.”
Momomi rolled her eyes. Not much of a conversationalist, is she? I’ve been here five minutes and I wonder what all the fuss is about. This is a good chance, though. “So…” She looked around for inspiration. “These can’t all be your horses?”
“No. Three are mine. But the others let me look after the rest as well, especially the lazy ones.” Amane sighed again. “For them, a horse is a thing for having, not something they care for. Rather like your father, and mine, come to that.”
“I see.” Momomi frowned, pleased by this small nugget of information. “That does sound… troublesome. Aren’t they taking advantage of you?”
“I don’t mind. These horses are better off in my hands than theirs, after all.”
“I see. Quite charitable, aren’t you?” To horses, anyway.
“Ah.”
“So… which ones are yours?” Momomi asked. She knew two of the three anyway.
“This one is Sol,” Amane replied, patting the neck of a stately brown horse. “She’s a pureblood Trakehner, good on the field, especially dressage. Well, that’s to be expected from the breed. I had her purchased from Germany a year ago, so she’s the newest of the three. I wasn’t supposed to, but she was a steal at her price and too good to resist. Next to her is Ganymede, an Andalusian. His specialisation is dressage, as well. She was a present from my other, a few years ago. In the far corner is Starbright, my favourite. He’s a Thoroughbred, so he’s better for racing than the others, but his main unusual quality is his true white coat. That’s very rare in his breed. He was born at my mother’s stables six years ago, so I’ve almost grown up with him, and I have to admit, I spoil him compared to the others.”
“I see,” Momomi replied, feeling a little lost.
“Of course, I have a lot more at home. There’s no point in keeping the best racing horses under these conditions, even if my mother would let me have them. But still, they’re fine animals.”
“So your mother likes horses, then?”
“It’s her passion. She has plenty of time to do it.”
“I imagine so.” Momomi frowned. Of course, then there’s that attitude to arranged marriage. A life of leisure, if you aren’t interested in this love and independence stuff. I wonder what Amane thinks, for herself. “It’s flowers, with my mother, and gardening.” She laughed sarcastically. “Well, she has to do something with her time.”
“Ah.”
Momomi tried not to snort. Yeah, not a good conversationalist, unless you like horses. No wonder she doesn’t notice Kaname. Kaname’s not a horse. She blinked at the thought then checked her watch. “Damn… I gotta go. I haven’t had breakfast yet.”
“Ah.” Amane didn’t even look round.
“See you later!” Momomi took off, wondering whether Amane had even noticed. She’s…so…weird. Totally indifferent to everything, just like I thought, she doesn’t care whether I come or go and she’s not very interested in what I’m saying. She didn’t even bother to ask why I came or what I wanted, it isn’t important to her. In a way, it’s kinda annoying. It’s like I don’t exist or something. But- Momomi frowned. She asked me to help her with the horses. Probably for the sake of the horses, but still, she asked me. I wish I knew why. Heck, I wish I’d asked why. It’s not like she can’t handle it herself, it makes no sense. She makes no sense. She’s completely enigmatic. It’s infuriating! Momomi scowled, then recovered herself, thinking it over again. Actually, it is, but it’s also interesting. She’s a riddle that hasn’t be solved yet, and I’m the one to do it. This might serve a function, but I may even enjoy it for myself.
Amane, you’re just like Kaname was before, completely shut off from the world. That’s right, before that moment when she told me who she was. And like Kaname before you, I’m going to break you right open. Partly for your sake, partly for mine. And partly to see what’s hiding in your heart.
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