This was intended to be the battle chapter, but it's ended up the preparation for battle chapter. The problem is Kanamomo, predictably. I have a perfectly good muse to act as a middleman but they're not having any of that. They keep badgeringly me directly and instructing me on new scenes to write. I'm possessed, I tell you.
“So you’re awake.”
“Ah.” Unexpectedly, the voice was low and soft. More unexpectedly, Momomi wasn’t towering over her, blocking out the light and possibly brandishing a comb and a killer intention. That was worrying enough to make Kaname roll over and sit up slightly, only to find Momomi opposite her, still lying in bed. “Well, this is rare,” she said, sitting up fully.
“I guess it is,” Momomi admitted, lying where she was. “It’s Sunday, isn’t it?”
“It is,” Kaname agreed, looking slightly puzzled. Well, I’m not complaining. This is too early in the morning for deep philosophical conversation, but still.
“Only a day and a half until my parents go,” Momomi sighed.
“Oh… I guess so.”
“And nothing’s settled at all.”
“Not yet, but we’re getting closer. Besides, it’s simple at the end of the day. Isn’t the path of least resistance you staying here, for him as well as you? Arranging tutors and things must be a drag.” Kaname smiled encouragingly, but Momomi just nodded slowly before rolling over and looking at the wall.
“Say, Kaname, what would you do if he forced me to go? It’s not like he can’t.”
“What are you talking about? We’re not going to lose to that bastard.”
“I feel a little conflicted, because I know I should hope that you wouldn’t miss me, but I don’t. I think I’d quite like it if you missed me. So, I was wondering…”
Kaname pushed herself off the bed, walking across the room. So much for easy morning conversation. “I’m not even going to dignify that with a response. Enough with that kind of talk.” She put her hands on Momomi’s shoulders and turned the girl over forcibly. “God, it’s too early in the morning for this… we’re us, right? Don’t settle for defeat and stupid thoughts like that! You’ll stay with me! I’ll stay with you! We’ll win! That’s the way it is, right?”
Momomi stared at up at her with wide eyes, and abruptly she noticed that for once she was very close, no, touching, her best friend in a state of near undress, still warm with the sweat of her slumber. Kaname raised her hands and stepped back, blushing slightly. “Sorry,” she muttered.
Momomi just stared at her for a moment, then sighed and pushed herself up. “No, thank you.” She ran her hands through her tangled hair. “I guess I shouldn’t talk when I’ve just woken up. I end up asking stupid things like that.”
“No, it’s fine.” Kaname sat on the bed beside her. “But what’s up? A bad dream?”
Momomi smiled softly. “In a manner of speaking, but really nothing so exciting. I woke up earlier than was good for me and ended up thinking more than is healthy for me… it’s pretty easy to be full of doubts, like that.”
“This is why I said, I have to make sure you don’t think for too long,” Kaname said righteously. “You’re hopeless when you do that.”
“I guess that’s true, but…” Momomi hugged her knees. “It’s just something I worry about, you know? Not the thing about whether you’ll miss me or not, that’s not important… it hurts that I have to risk this much, when I could still lose everything. The old me tried to make sure that I’d have nothing to lose, but the moment I decided to fight, it all broke down…”
“Even if you might get hurt, that’s better. The other way of living’s pathetic. When you don’t live at all because you’re afraid of the scars it might live behind, that’s just too useless.” Kaname looked at the ceiling. “I can say that so confidently because I used to be the same. You saved me from that.”
Momomi nodded. “You’re right. I can’t live in fear of him, that’s just gratifying him. But it’s just so… unfair, that I have to beg my own father to let me stay with my friends and everything that’s actually important in my life.”
“Look at it as if it was a chance,” Kaname suggested. “This way, you can prove to yourself and others that you’re independent of him. That’s what you want, right? And you’ll never feel quite right until you’ve done it, as far as I can tell.”
Momomi smiled, looking at the floor. “You know me too well.”
“Well, you’re easier to read than you’d like to think, because I know you.”
“In any case, you’re a little hypocritical, you know.”
“What now?”
“You laughed at me when I was surprised to see you naked last time. But right now, I’m less than naked, and you jumped three feet back yourself.”
“Yeah, well…” I was far too naïve about that, and now I know better.
Momomi gave her an amused look when she failed to complete that sentence. “Are things different now, then?” She kept her voice light, but that didn’t fool Kaname. There was an edge of worry there.
“Of course not. Do you think I’d be that accommodating? I’m not going to change for your convenience, you know.” Kaname folded her arms.
Momomi raised her eyebrows. “Is that so?”
“That’s right.”
“That’s the way it should be,” Momomi said, though she gave Kaname a doubtful look. “It could be a little troublesome for me, though.”
Kaname felt a little shock grip her despite herself at that. What does she mean? She’s being as enigmatic as ever, damn her…
“But you know, that’s a very frustrating thing about this situation. I don’t care too much for my father’s opinions, but when they say what they say, it’s more than I can bear.” Momomi’s fists balled and she looked away. “Sometimes I want nothing more than to be able to grab them and shake some sense into them. Sometimes I wonder whether it would be worth it to sacrifice my place her in exchange for one chance to tell that bastard to tell some simple truths.”
“About people like you?”
“About me, and people like me,” Momomi agreed. “It’s hurtful, you know.”
Things have changed between us, in more ways than one. She never would have admitted that before. “I do know. I do know what it feels like, to be shunned for something far beyond your control…” Kaname closed her eyes. “I was the same when I came here, you know.”
“About your background?”
“Yeah. But don’t get a persecution complex about it, okay? I don’t forgive people like that.”
Momomi smiled. “You’re not the type who would.”
“I used to be like that, before I met you.” Kaname folded her arms behind her head. “Hey, do you know why I told you about my past?”
“Because you wanted someone to listen,” Momomi said. “And to express your self-hate to someone, in a kind of catharsis. And because there was no one else and after living in silence for so long, you wanted to be able to tell your story.” She cocked her head in amusement. “I’m not the kind of person who will be so convenient as to simply ask you why without taking a few plugs at an answer.”
“Naturally. But you’re wrong.” Kaname fell back onto Momomi’s bed, looking at the ceiling. “Well, actually you have some fairly accurate points. But that wasn’t the one I meant. I told you that story because I wanted you to hate me.”
“And you thought that would do it? What did you expect me to do? Say, oh, you’re a child of a rape, get away from me?”
“I wanted you to feel disturbed and out of your depth, and back away from me,” Kaname said. “Most of all, I wanted you to be disgusted by my poverty and upbringing, I wanted you to reel away from me.”
“Why?”
“Because… I don’t know, exactly.” Kaname closed her eyes. “Because I’d lived my life by notions of the ignorance and hate of all aristocrats. Because I was starting to enjoy your company and that frightened me. Because I thought it improper for me to be anything but alone. I didn’t show it, but I was pretty fucked up at that time.”
“If you wanted me to hate you, you’d have to do a lot better than that.”
“Well, when I told the story it didn’t exactly come out the way I’d expected it. And it definitely didn’t end the way I’d intended it.”
“When I hugged you?” Momomi asked, blushing slightly at the memory.
“That was definitely the start of it, and that really did shock me.” Kaname sighed. “But even though things changed between us after that, it didn’t after that. You felt my pain but you didn’t pity me. You never let me use that past as an excuse for my bad behaviour. You still held me responsible and treated me the same way as before.”
“I don’t think that’s exactly me being a saint,” Momomi said. “I’ve always been preoccupied by own problems, to be honest.”
“It was the best thing to do. It brought me out of the past, a little.” Kaname grinned. “Basically, you didn’t give a damn about all that stuff. No, like I said, you empathised. But you didn’t give a damn about that in the wider me. I was glad when I noticed that.”
“I guess my attitude’s the same as yours,” Momomi said. “Don’t start to think that the world revolves around your own tragedies… its good advice. But why are you raising this now?”
“Because we may not get another chance.” Kaname turned and laughed at Momomi’s expression. “I’m kidding you. I told you, we’re going to win.”
Momomi lay back herself, smiling in return. “Yeah, yeah, you reminded me of that. So, why now?”
“I’m not sure, exactly. It felt like a good time, but sometimes I do things without a good reason.”
“Well, I appreciate it.” Momomi let her body relax, her hair a languorous halo about her. “Life would be a lot less interesting without your spontaneity. But I’m always surprised, Kaname. You can be very deep at times.”
“Again with the backhanded compliments.”
“I mean it, though. When you apply that mind of yours normally reserved for complex metaphors to yourself and your problems, you have a startling level of self awareness.”
“It’s with the benefit of hindsight, and in that, I’m not unusual. Anyone could do this if only they realised the need to do so. Now, if I could understand these things about my present, then I’d find life a lot easier than I do.”
“That’s very telling of you,” Momomi said softly. “Of course, it’s very telling of you that you’ve learned to apply your mind to your difficulties, not those of other people’s.”
“The way I see it, if we all looked after our own problems, the world would be at peace. As it is, people can’t even do that, and so it falls to the hyper-competent or the unburdened to help many people instead.”
“So, the Etoiles are that kind of person, right?”
Kaname considered this. “You’re right. I’d say they’re the unburdened ones, but I can’t exactly make that remark in light of recent events.” She folded her arms, hugging herself while she looked upwards. “Of course, I could do that as well, but I lack both the inclination and the time. As I’ve said before, I’m pretty screwed up myself.”
“Well, I’m the same, but you’ve made the observation yourself. So let’s stop sulking and get up, shall we?”
Kaname pushed herself up. “So I dragged you out of your funk after all. Let’s go, shall we?”
Momomi giggled, sitting up besides her. “You say that, but you had things you wanted to say as well, so you took the chance. I guess everyone thinks slightly weird things in the morning.”
“Hey, at least I don’t think slightly weird things all the time,” Kaname said, looking at her. “That’s more than you can say.”
“Well, I’m not particularly ashamed of that. And you’re worse.” She looked slightly odd, with her hair in disarray and sweat beading her skin. It’s an unfamiliar sight to someone used to her pristine presentation for the majority of her time, hair in perfect order and skin smooth and clean, but… strangely endearing, I guess. It reminds me that she’s just a teenage girl too, and more than that, a cute one, with a winningly childish charm. Somehow it suits her to look like this. Kaname suppressed a chuckle at the thought. Which is more than I can say for myself in the mornings. I wish I had that kind of trick, but it’s expected from someone like her, with that superficial perfection.
Dismissing that thought, she raised her voice. “That doesn’t exactly excuse you, you know, just because I do it. Isn’t that another way of dodging responsibility for one’s actions?”
“Perhaps not, but it does mean you have no right to comment on such a thing,” Momomi said, prodding her on the nose. “That’s only fair.”
“Honour amongst thieves, eh?” Kaname shook her head theatrically. “I’ve been there, done that, and I didn’t find anyway.”
“It’s more about not being a hypocrite than anything like that. But I suppose you fail that test so badly that it doesn’t matter.”
“Hey, hey, who are you to say that?”
“You just said that defence is meaningless, so I can say what I like, can’t I?”
“As a blatant hypocrite, it’s well within my rights to say something like that with a straight face. There’s no point in fighting my nature, is there?”
“You can’t do what you like because I gave you an arbitrary label, you know! This is the same as your earlier persecution complex!”
“And I told you,” Kaname said. “Just because I’m saying you shouldn’t do something, doesn’t mean I have to do it myself. That’s the starting point.”
Momomi smirked. “Say what you like, but we’re going to quit stalling. That won’t work any more.”
“What have I done now?”
“I’m going to the bathroom. In the meantime, you get yourself dressed and rub off your morning face.”
“Like you can talk…”
“We covered that already!”
“I give it up,” Kaname sighed. “It gets rid of all my favourite retorts.”
“Exactly!” Momomi pouted in mock anger, standing up and talking towards the bathroom. She stopped by the door, looking over her shoulder. “So sit there and stew in your own hypocrisy. I’ll be right back.”
Kaname laughed at the closing door, rubbing her cheek and smiling warmly. Days like this feel so good. No, even days like this… things should be worrying right now, for all my tough talk that’s for her, but I find it impossible to be pessimistic. I don’t know quite why. More and more, I’ve been looking at the past the way I do, and I wonder whether she even remembers how different things are now, from how they are then. Oh, we still snap at each other and fool around, but the… atmosphere, the ambience, it’s completely different. And as ever, I can see the past but not the present, so I’ve got no idea why, except that this must be friendship. Well, it’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before, but that’s not exactly surprising from me. Even if I call those others friends the way she does, too, I can’t say it’s anything like that. But I guess I just don’t spend as much time with them, and besides, my guard’s up. Somehow Momomi’s managed to get past that and make me relax, and the worst thing is, it’s not even as if she consciously tried to get through to me. It just… happened. Well, it suits me fine, for as long as she’s the only one with that scary talent. Even recently, I wasn’t sure whether I could trust her, but I know now, I can afford to be a little vulnerable to her. Oh, she’ll tease me, but it’s not like I can’t give as good as I got on that front. And because she does the same with me, it’s fine. It’s a weird thought, that I’ve come this far from my defensive values. But only Momomi. Somehow, I can’t imagine being this free or comfortable with anyone else. She’s indispensable, though I’m not going to tell her as much. She might get the wrong idea. But that’s why I won’t lose. I can’t afford to.
If she kept thinking, she could spend the whole morning turning over one thing, then another. Better to get moving while she still had the chance, on reflection. She got off Momomi’s bed and walked across the room, picking clean underwear at random from her drawer and starting to change. Thank god Momomi remembers to take this stuff the wash, or I’d just let it get dirty…wait, should I allow her to do that? It doesn’t seem very proper. Well, it’s not like I care about that kind of stuff. She frowned. When I look at it, I’m dependent on her this way as well. But I’m getting caught up in my thoughts again. She grabbed her shirt from her chair, unfolding it and slipping it around her shoulders, buttoning it up from the bottom up. The light blue material was surprisingly light and comfortable against her skin. Perhaps this uniform isn’t so bad after all. She grabbed her skirt and pulled it up, tucking her shirt in and straightening it slightly, trying to pull out any creases. Somehow that always happens, something that contrasts pretty painlessly with Momomi’s effortlessness. Oh, well. It can’t be helped.
“Are you decent?”
Kaname raised her eyebrows. “Am I ever?”
“I saw that one coming from a mile away.” Momomi opened the door from the bathroom, walking past her and beginning to retrieve her own clothes. “You need to come up with some more original banter.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Kaname walked into the bathroom, splashing cold water on her face and rubbing her eyes to dispel any signs of tiredness. Then she cleaned her teeth, leaning against the wall with one hand and glaring at the mirror as if it had personally offended her. She wasn’t really a morning person.
“In any case, I’ve been thinking. We have to make a move today.”
Kaname imagined Momomi pulling up her shirt, buttoning it up, doing her necktie with a swift, almost absent skill. I’ve grown used to that scene and its grace, as a part of the casual grace that is in everything she does. But she doesn’t want me to see now, which is almost a shame. I guess it’s just, again, the trust of being able to watch someone even in their simplest moments. Which isn’t weird at all, or if it is weird, it’s weird because I’m so unused to having someone I can trust. How things have changed. “So, what’s the plan?”
“I need to catch my father, before he’s flying off here or there, and just talk to him. If I’m careful and persuasive, I may be able to make his position one aligned to mine, as Olesa would put it. He’ll never let himself lose an argument but he can be persuaded to shift his position when you talk to him, he’s that kind of person.”
“He sounds like it. And this sounds simple enough.”
“This is a good time, in a way. He’ll probably be glad to listen to anything that isn’t about Serané right now… and it’s also going to do her a favour, because it will give him some time to think about something else and cool his normal frustration whenever he’s blocked in something.”
“I see. I just hope he’s not so pissed off by the whole thing that it messes with our matter, too.” Kaname frowned at the mirror. “I mean, we’re only lucky in that he’s even more ignorant of others than you. If he ever noticed what this school’s actually like… it would be pretty inconvenient.”
“To say the least. He’d probably start worrying about contamination. Can’t let his dear daughter be infected, now can he?” Momomi sounded bitter. “I’m sure he’d think something like that. I don’t put it past him. If it came to it I’m sure he’d be the first person to send me to psychiatrists asking for a ‘cure’ for my ‘condition’, as he’d probably put it. Bastard.”
Oops. Sore subject, is it? “Well, at least that kind of ignorance means you can take advantage of him,” Kaname ventured. “I mean, if he disapproved but recognised it, he’d probably see the real world enough to read the writing on the wall, and take you out of here as soon as he could.”
“I guess you’re right… but it feels way too foolish to be thankful that you’re father’s an ignorant bigot.”
“It does, rather,” Kaname said, rubbing her face with the towel and returning to their room. “But it’d take more time than we have to re-educate him. If it’s even possible.”
Momomi was brushing her hair with the concentration and seriousness of a samurai preparing for battle, which was almost accurate. “We’ll have to skip breakfast. If I can just pin the bastard in his room so he can’t run away, I may be able to talk some sense into him.”
Kaname rubbed her nose. “Indeed. Well, I guess ribbons and a pretty smile are your weapons of war after all.”
“What are you mumbling about now?” Momomi complained, glancing at her by the mirror.
“I just thinking you look very serious, like someone going to fight for their life.”
“Well, that’s what’s happening, isn’t it?” Momomi asked. “It’s beyond me to be all that flippant at that time, I don’t know about you…”
“I wish I could say that. My wandering thoughts just spawned a mental image of you in samurai garb and with a katana, and I’m trying very hard not to crack up.”
“Humph. You can keep your eastern weapons. I come from a different tradition.” Momomi closed her eyes. “My ancestors were riding on horseback in about a tonne of forged steel armour waving swords big enough to break bone through metal on impact around the time yours were… I don’t know… extorting money from sushi farmers, or whatever.”
“Isn’t that a point for me, though?” Kaname smirked. “As far as I can tell, your ancestors extorted money from entire counties. It’s just a matter of scale.”
“Ah, but the king or prince said it’s okay, so that makes it tax and very legal,” Momomi said in a proper way. She put her comb aside and started fiddling with her hair, putting the last strands into place and checking it for any mistakes.
“And why does the king get to determine that kind of thing? I’ve always wondered about that.”
“Because they’re the biggest thug of all, extorting money from the whole country?” Momomi shrugged. “If you take away the God thing, it’s just a matter of the de facto state.”
“So when the yakuza say they’re from noble origins they have a point,” Kaname said thoughtfully. “They just didn’t go far enough.”
“Pretty much. That’s the way it is, isn’t it?” She stepped back.
Kaname sat down and let Momomi run her hands through hair, searching for the inevitable tangles. And so I’d better forestall the sarcastic comments that are sure to follow. The downside of people being this close is that it leaves you this open. “But I’ve always thought that it’s a shame. The government really is that simple. The ones with enough power to make it work, one way or the other. But below that the de facto state dies.”
Momomi smiled, picking up the comb and moving into the bathroom to wet it. “I’d expect this from you. The problem with that is that the party with the most force triumphs.”
“I’m not saying there should be no rules. You’d have to be far more optimistic than me to believe in anarchism. But rules with a little context sensitivity would be nice.” Kaname folded her arms. “For example, a world where we could choose our own path, without being controlled by frankly unsuitable parents.”
Momomi smiled, taking her place again and wetting Kaname’s hair. “Now that’s a nice thought. But it could be a little frightening, couldn’t it? The ties of family being broken so easily by the law…”
“To me and you, the ties of family have never been anything but chains,” Kaname said, her voice low. “Unpleasantly dragging us towards suffocating cages.”
“Of course, we both escaped to another cage, the pretty playhouse called Astraea Hill,” Momomi noted.
“Well, I know… but it least it’s a cage we chose for ourselves. I think that’s an improvement.”
Momomi frowned, starting to pry her friend’s hair into order. “You know, I was thinking about something similar… but for me, the cage was mental.”
“Hmm?”
“At first, I couldn’t believe that my sister and Araldo could be so stupid- that anyone could be so stupid- to believe the things that they did. But… after a while… I remembered.” Momomi looked glum. “It’s less uncommon than I would have liked it to be, and it’s still not unusual. More than that, it’s the normal attitude to them. They don’t see anything wrong with it, quite the opposite, I’m the wrong one to them.”
“It can’t be helped, can it? People are always going to segregate each other in their minds and hate those who are different from them. Always have done, always will do. You can’t change that, but that doesn’t mean you have to listen to it.” Kaname shrugged. “Matters are settled between you and Luigia, so that’s enough, isn’t it?”
“It’s not that, though. I remembered that, if I hadn’t come here, I’d probably end up just like them.” Momomi managed a smile. “How screwed up would I be then? Feeling those things, and dismissing them and denying them and pretending they don’t exist and hoping that they’d go away if I ignore them… that would be what it would come to.”
“Denial is a terrible thing,” Kaname said automatically.
“That’s what annoys me most, though. If old bigots want to be bigoted, they can be free to do so, as far as I’m concerned. I can handle that. But when they teach their children to think in the exact same way, I can’t stand that. Because while they’re all damaged by it, that small percentage, that one in twenty, are going to be serious screwed up by it, and it might take them years to recover.”
“You know, if I’m the feminist, you’d make a pretty decent gay rights activist in ten years time.”
“I’m serious, though.” Momomi pouted. “I was shocked and slightly horrified myself, when I found out. It took me a while before I could be comfortable about it, and I still worry from time to time. And this is in Astraea, the world’s number one lesbian hotspot for teenagers looking for good education!”
“I wonder whether ex-students come by with cars at terms end, looking for a date,” Kaname said thoughtfully. “I can see that happening.”
“Kaname!”
“I know, I know. I’m just teasing you.”
“Well, don’t. I’m being serious for once.” Momomi put the comb down and stepped back, nodding to herself. “Okay. Final preparations.”
Kaname pulled out a fresh pair of stockings, sitting on her chair again and pulling them up. “Say, Momomi, I’ve been meaning to ask you.”
“Hmm?”
“What are you going to do, once this is all settled?” Kaname picked up her necktie and started to do it up. “You said you’d do things differently.”
“Yeah. Well, I’ve been thinking about that.” Momomi grabbed her jacket and shrugged it on, pulling it against her shoulders to set it and checking herself in the mirror. “For a start, I’m going to make Olesa treat me in a civil manner. Not through force or coercion. I’ll make her respond to me.”
“I think that was a contradiction in terms. But apart from that… why?”
“Because I’m not like Amane, and I’m not like father. It might be convenient and gratifying to ignore her existence, but that wouldn’t solve anything at all. I’m going to treat her properly, which is more than the others do.”
“I guess so.” When I think about it, she has a good point. I’m so dismissive of Olesa myself… is this how Amane feels? Is it really that easy to block out someone else’s existence? Humans really do only see what they want to see…and that explains Momomi’s father a lot.
“And what else… I’ll play Shion’s games, too, but for her sake, rather than mine.” Momomi folded her arms. “It’s about time that everyone knows that I am smart, I am talented, and I’m going to take control of my life. I’m not going to be a spectator any more.”
“Big words.”
“And I’ll start doing my homework to a better standard, for the same reason.”
Damn.
Momomi slipped her shoes on and turned around, smiling. “And, I guess… I have something important to tell someone as well.”
Kaname quirked her eyebrows. “The cute girl?”
“Pretty much. But I’m not sure if I’ll be able to be that brave. I’d really hate to mess things up.”
“Don’t take it so seriously. You just have to take a shot, right?”
“Easy for you to say,” Momomi muttered. “Life’s more complicated than that.”
Kaname put her own shoes on. “Well, look at it this way. If she’s interested in that kind of thing at all, I’m sure you’ll be fine. You’re pretty and cute, and entertaining too, if a little righteous at times.” She gave her friend an encouraging smile. “She’ll consider herself lucky.”
“Again, that’s easy to you for say,” Momomi said, turning away and facing the door quickly.
“Well, that’s just my opinion. But I still think you should go for it.” Kaname frowned. “It’s not Amane, is it?”
Momomi snorted, sounding very sarcastic. “Of course not. I’m not an infatuated idiot like you.”
“That’s Amiki’s line,” Kaname sighed. “But you’ve still got me really curious. You can hardly blame me.”
“It’s fine.” Momomi sounded a little snappish. “Just forget it for now.”
“Alright, alright. You raised it.”
Momomi pulled open the door. “I’m going.”
Kaname sighed. “I’m coming.”
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