And now for something slightly different... well, I was missing these girls.
Momomi considered this, looking for the trap. “How do I say this… things have been a little stressful, I guess. To say the least.”
“That makes sense.”
“And I don’t think I’m getting anywhere, either. Not like the Etoiles, who are at least making some progress, or it seems that way.”
“Even in their case, it would do to be premature in your judgements. Your father is not an easy man to dissuade when he has picked a course, as he is small-minded and unimaginative.”
“You don’t need to tell me. I’m in no danger of forgetting that.” Momomi sighed. “That’s the problem. Even when I say, how am I supposed to persuade that idiot to let me stay here? He’s impossible to move, because he thinks that listening to other people’s opinions and feelings is a matter of weakness.”
“The main way of dealing with someone of that kind is to persuade them that their point of view is a certain thing, which completely coincidentally is what you want. At that point, all else follows, all the quicker because they’re stubborn oafs.”
“Well, it’s easy for you to say that, but it’s not exactly easy, either. How can I do that?”
“You have to persuade him that the connections and people here at Astraea are important,” Olesa said. “That’s why it’s unfortunate that neither Kenjou nor myself come from particularly prestigious backgrounds. Well, I did once, but he saw to that…”
“Yes, yes. No need to go over that again.”
“Tomori-san, on the other hand, could be of some use.”
“Shion? She’s an important person?”
“Not exactly. She’s the daughter of a fairly known journalist, if I recall. But like her father before her, she knows important people, and all about them.”
Momomi laughed. “Journalist, eh? Why does everyone know this stuff except us?”
“You never bother to ask. If you ever come out of your shell of idleness, I suggest you begin with some basic research.”
“Yes, yes. I find it a little creepy, myself. Just like Shion’s stalker tendencies.”
“You can afford those thoughts because you can afford that complacency,” Olesa said. “But that may not be forever. If you want to be free of your father- and for the time after you are free- you can’t afford such inhibitions. Take every weapon you can and use them.”
Momomi turned away and looked around the Church. “As ever, you’re not the mist gifted conversationalist. I’m inclined to pessimism, and Kaname’s worse, but I’ve never met anyone who can outdo you at making the world appear a dreary and virtueless place.”
“That’s because I tell thing show they are, no more, no less,” Olesa replied. “Do you think I enjoy it? It’s something that must be done for me to live… and for you as well, if you really mean to leave your cosy existence behind.”
“It’s not like I don’t know that. But you don’t have to talk about it all the time.”
“I’m just reminding you, which needs to be done. If you intend to support yourself through scholarships alone, for example, what will you do if you fail the exam?”
“I know, I know. But can we at least focus on my father right now? He’s more than enough of the a problem to be getting on with.”
Olesa shrugged. “If that’s what you want.”
“When you say that, you somehow make it sound like I’m irresponsible for not listening, rather than the fact, which is you being paranoid and annoying.” Momomi looked at the other girl. “But I’m glad for your concern. You’re actually talking to me now, as an equal, which is more than you did before.”
“I think that cuts both ways, and I still wouldn’t be surprised if you hold me in contempt. I certainly haven’t forgiven you.” Olesa shrugged. “I suppose that it’s easier to hate your father while your father is here.”
“I don’t bear any particular grudge. Unlike you, I’m inclined to let bygones be bygones.”
“Then forgive your father.”
“Well, that’s-”
“Not easy?” Olesa suggested. “People talk about forgiveness very easily, but sometimes it’s more human to bear a grudge. Forgiveness is just a way of making others feel less guilty, but as far as I’m concerned, the guilty shouldn’t be able to easily escape their crimes.”
“Unfortunately, my father isn’t guilty at all. That must be frustrating.” Momomi sighed. “Sometimes I wonder whether you project it all onto me because of that. But I’m not guilty, either, because I didn’t do it.”
“You’re overanalysing. But certainly your father is infuriating in the extreme. He has no sense… no sense at all… of the nature of his crimes.” Olesa gritted her teeth. “That a man like that can live as well and unburdened as he does is one of the reasons why I know there’s very little fairness or justice in this world.”
“So why not tell him? Why not make him aware of his crimes, as you put it?”
“Do you want me too?”
Momomi considered this. “Not right now, no. That wouldn’t do me any favours. But afterwards, perhaps.”
“Even if I do, it wouldn’t serve except to gratify my feelings. That would be enough, but it probably wouldn’t even do that.” Olesa looked up at the stained glass windows, her chin set. “If he doesn’t know what he’s done, then I won’t make him guilty even if I do tell him. He’d just dismiss it with disinterest, and that would be even more painful for me.”
“You’re right, I guess. That’s exactly like him. But even so. If you feel something so strongly, you should tell him while you have the chance.” Momomi frowned, picking her words. “I don’t know you very well, and you don’t like me very much, but I still get this sense that you’re letting this eat you from the inside out. Even if saying it provides no closure for you, shouldn’t you go ahead anyway?”
“Do you think that would get me off your back?”
“I don’t care about that. In fact, I’m almost gratified by the attention. This is advice for your own good.”
“Well, as ever, you make things sound very simple, Kiyashiki-san. But how about you? Can’t you think of scenarios where expressing your thoughts wouldn’t help at all?”
“Ah,” Momomi muttered.
“Kenjou-san and Ohtori-san, for example. I may be mistaken, but as far as I know from both sides, your Kaname has told several people about her resentment, but never Amane. If you want to know why I don’t tell your father everything, it’s probably for the same reason.”
“In any case,” Momomi said, deciding to slide past the topic. “I’ve been meaning to congratulate you on your restraint.”
“My restraint?”
“I’m not so feckless that I don’t know what it must cost to be around my father at all. More than that, you’re more polite to him than I am, for the most part, if a little constrained. It’s more than I deserve.”
“It is, but it’s not for you.” Olesa gave her an emotionless glance. “I’ve grown used to that, masking myself and saying what people expect to hear, not what’s real. It’s an easier way to deal with them than presenting my true, inconvenient self.”
“Yes, well… that’s another thing. It can’t be healthy, all the same, to hide yourself from everyone.”
“You shouldn’t chide me just because I’ve learned to realise the kind of behaviour you only pretend to.”
“That’s not what I mean. With my father, it’s fine. But I’d worry if you didn’t open up to someone. I suppose there’s always Amiki.”
“You shouldn’t speak as if you’re taking her for granted. I don’t.”
“You don’t? Even after all these years?”
Olesa folded her arms. “Frankly, it defies my expectations that she’s willing to spend this long working for my life rather than her own.”
Momomi giggled. “I guess it does, too, though it doesn’t surprise me. You’ve got it a little backwards, Olesa. She’s working for her own life, because you are her life.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
“Never mind. But even them, it’s a pity… when you actually talk to me, you’re intelligent and interesting. It’s a bit of a pity that you hide that from everyone behind your robotic persona.”
“Now you have it backwards. I’m naturally restrained, and Alicia alone can ease that. But you’re quite the hypocrite to tell me that. Aren’t you and Kaname the same?”
Momomi ran a hand through her hair. “Well, you’re right, of course. When I look at it, I’ve kinda wasted my time here. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want another chance at it.”
“An epiphany, is it?”
“One of several I’ve been having in recent times… don’t talk to me about those.”
“Hey, hey, hey. What are you two muttering about?” Kaname demanded, dropping the buckets. They’d finally agreed that the two physically strong girls would do all that work, while the other two would start mopping the moment the water was there. In the words of Kaname, going twice actually works out faster than watching you two stumble around, so forget it. Even if the phrasing was unflattering, Momomi did appreciate their efforts.
“We were discussing important things that can’t be talked about in front of lackeys,” Olesa said, her face as deadpan as ever.
“You what?” Kaname exploded. “Who the hell are you calling a lackey?”
“It’s not like that,” Momomi said hurriedly. “She’s just playing with you. We were talking about my father and things, nothing exciting.”
“I told you it’s hard to get good help these days,” Olesa said to her. “You should try harder.”
“God, what’s up with that stuck-up attitude?”
Momomi rolled her eyes. Is this Olesa’s concept of a joke? Too bad Kaname’s always going to take that kind of bait. “How about you?” she asked Amiki. “Are you fine being addressed like that?”
“What’s there to be upset about? I’m not as egotistical and unbalanced as that maniac,” she said, indicating Kaname.
“It’s not anything to do with that. You said it yourself, didn’t you? People like those who assert themselves, instead of just quietly accepting everything coming at them.”
“I was referring to romance, you idiot. Though that would be one reason for the blue-haired punk to act up so much.”
“Hey! Don’t talk about me as if I’m not here, or I’ll prove that I’m here the hard way!”
“I knew exactly what you were referring to when you said that, Amiki,” Momomi said. “That’s precisely why I brought it up.”
Amiki flushed, out of anger or embarrassment, it was hard to tell. “What are you implying?”
“As much or as little as you like.”
“Shall we get on,” Olesa asked icily. “That should be enough madness for one evening, right?”
“Knowing you guys? That’s enough for five minutes,” Kaname muttered, picking up her mop.
“You’re one to talk!” Momomi exclaimed. “Don’t speak as if you’re not part of this.”
“I try my best, you know, but I can’t keep up.”
“That you can say that with all apparent seriousness is just another proof that you’re the maddest of us all,” Amiki said. “Though it’s generally you two and your double act anyway. Don’t look at me.”
Olesa sighed, inspecting the ceiling with apparent fascination.
“Ah, here we are. Time for a reunion session? It’s been a while, you know, why are you all looking grumpy?”
Momomi turned around. “It’s been a couple of days, Shion, don’t cry yourself to sleep. Ah… why’s Araldo here?”
“Well, that’s to say… I’m somewhat hiding from uncle right now,” Araldo said, scratching the back of his head. “He’s expressed an earnest desire to rip me limb from limb. You know how it is.”
Momomi nodded solemnly. She knew how it was. “So, how the hell did you end up here? And with Shion?”
Shion stood grinning, a hand on her hip. “I caught him wandering around and recognised him, so I gave him some well-meaning advice. It looks like I didn’t need to bother, though; he’s got a properly respectful attitude into his head anyway. So I dragged him here.”
“Hoping that father will burn up on holy ground?”
“Something like that. But I feel pretty out of my depth,” Araldo said. “I’ve been beaten before I started to a girl I like, who is supposedly intended to me, by another girl, chewed out by everyone from my uncle to the two said girls to several more several years younger than me, and given to understand that I can choose between death by katana and death by dismemberment.”
Momomi had to laugh, despite herself. “Welcome to Astraea Hill. Be glad, you’d never know how ferocious Catholic school girls could be unless you came here.”
“In any case, what are you doing, cousin?”
“Oh, that’s-”
“Punishment,” Shion said promptly. “They have to clean this place every day for a month.”
“Really?” Araldo managed not to laugh. “What did they do?”
“They had a big fight which only stopped when the Etoiles came.”
“Wow. I thought you were friends, though?”
“Oh, we’re friends,” Momomi said shortly. “We just have a special way of showing our affection for each other. Which is something Shion’s going to experience after I’m finished here, because I like her oh so much right now.”
This time, Araldo laughed. “I see.”
“Hey, can I clarify something that just occurred to me?” Kaname said abruptly.
“Hmm?”
“We were sent here because we got into a big fight due to our differences, right?”
Momomi shrugged. “That’s right, yes.”
“So, our punishment for that is to spend an extended duration in close proximity of each other, in a fairly empty building no less, and with long polls and water to hand? Doesn’t that sound a little dangerous to you?”
“You have a point. Perhaps Kariya was looking for an excuse to punish us again. Seems like her style. However you look at it, we but especially you have been a pain in her ass for months.”
“Well, that is possible. But I think it’s more likely that she’s just selectively dumb.”
“Well, quite... so, what’s the situation with my beloved father?”
“I told him. He didn’t like it.”
Momomi smirked. “I guessed as much… heck, I anticipated that much when you announced your noble intentions to Serané-sama. But I presumed that you knew the consequences.”
“I did. That doesn’t mean I have to like it.” Araldo sighed. “And of course he didn’t listen and made all sorts of threats about what he would take away from me if I didn’t pursue this with all my energy.”
“Tush,” Kaname said. “Don’t be so spineless. This is the twenty-first century, boy, be glad, because he can’t force you to do anything. This isn’t like the older times when samurai and knights and stuff trusted their darling mothers and fathers to arrange their weddings, only to find that they were with girls who had a startling disinterest in them and kept sneaking off with the chambermaids. Or… I dunno, mikos? What girls did they have in the houses of samurai?”
Araldo gave her a puzzled look, plainly unused to Kaname being Kaname. “Well, it can’t be a forced marriage, of course, but it can still be a consensual marriage with some pretty strong coercion involved. I hope it doesn’t come to that.”
“Yeah, yeah. That’s not important. Now, they did have house servants, didn’t they? I can’t remember any specific titles, though, from what Momomi’s told me it sounds like you guys have it all better organised…”
“Don’t mind her,” Momomi said. “There’s something about the Church, it gets to her head… do you drink the communion wine, Kaname?”
“Of course not. No need to be sarcastic if you can’t follow me. I’m wasted on this audience, you know?”
“Right, well, what are you going to do?”
Araldo shrugged. “I’m going to resist as best I can. He’s a hard man to deal with, but caving in won’t solve anything at all.”
“You’d better,” Shion said. “If you don’t take a stand, you’ll only force Serané-sama to make one herself, and that would be very troublesome for her.”
“I know, I know. That reminds me… who is she, anyway?”
“I told you, already!” Shion snapped. “I’m a friend of Momomi’s.”
“Don’t worry if she’s frighteningly well-informed,” Momomi confided. “She’s basically a stalker, so it’s fine.”
“Slander, now?” Shion put on a hurt look. “I’m going to stand over here with Kenjou-san and feel unappreciated.”
“Hey, don’t associate me with you, already!”
“As graceless as ever…” Shion sighed theatrically.
What is it about my friends? I’ve somehow got a bunch of people who survive by scoring points off each other together. I’m one of them, I’m hardly ashamed about that, but if Kaname and I alone together is bad enough, then it gets exponentially worse as you add even more people, until it’s impossible to string a sentence together without someone ripping it apart. Araldo’s the only normal one and he’ll be gone soon enough. The whole thing’s pretty annoying. Momomi frowned to herself as she started to mop the floor. But let’s wait a second, did I just describe this motley bunch as friends? Now that’s definitely a depressing thought. But we’re just business partners, right? Shion’s here in return for a favour I’m doing her, Amiki’s here for Olesa and Olesa’s here because I blackmailed her into it. I chose them all myself and used them because they’d be useful. I thought that it would be easy enough to get them to do as much as possible and then forget about them. She sighed. When I think about it, though, I’d be a little annoyed if Olesa just buggered off and went back to her old ways the moment I handed over my phone. It would be…unfair, somehow, and as stupid as that sounds, because that is the extent of our understanding. And it’s the same with Shion, as well. So I suppose I have come to like them, somehow. I don’t know what it is about them…no, it’s probably nothing to do with their personal qualities, or rather it’s in spite of their personal qualities. But they do seem like friends, all the same, even when Olesa’s being cold and sarcastic or when Shion’s dragging me into something or when Amiki’s picking a fight with Kaname and touching on subjects I’m increasingly uncomfortable with. It’s… depressing, how unfamiliar I am with the concept.
She looked around quietly; noting that no one appeared to have noticed her silence. Shion was carrying the conversation, backed up with Araldo’s politeness and Amiki’s lack of it, as well as Olesa’s occasional cutting comment. If I was going to have to have a lot of… friends, I guess that’s something I’d have to get used to. The fact that though they like me, they probably won’t always need or even want me and they can manage quite fine without me. It’s that kind of relationship, I guess, friendship. Even if you miss a friend, you’ll rarely say that. It’s more a matter of the tacit, where you enjoy each other’s company and the day is less arduous if you’re together, but you’re never going to say that you have to be together. Or something, it’s not like I know much about the subject. But it seems that way to me. It’s nice, I guess, and quite fun, but there’s something a little disheartening about it as well. I like the sensation of being irreplaceable, and that’s not something you get from this kind of friendship. Of course, the kind of relationship where you’re irreplaceable and unafraid to say that you can’t replace the other person isn’t… practical, for me. There’s only her, and she’s not interested. But on the other hand, I do get the sense that she’d have a hard time without me, and that’s not arrogance. We tried it and neither of us liked it, and she told me as well, that she wants to be with me, and it’s the same for me. So, what’s that? More than friendship, less than a couple? I suppose that’d be a best friend or something like that. Kaname as my best friend? Momomi chuckled. That has a surprisingly forlorn sound to it, but that’s just me. I should get used to it, no, I should be glad for that much. When I look at it, I’m really glad, and very lucky, that I got to know Kaname. Not just know of her, not just argue with her, but truly know her. That might not have happened if it wasn’t for father? Should I think him or something? Yeah, right…
“A penny for your thoughts… isn’t that the idiom?”
Momomi looked up, startled, and saw Kaname looking at her from a few feet away. “Ah… yeah.” She’d drifted away from the others in her haze, so there was no escape that way. “I’d like to be paid in yen, though. This is Japan, after all. One hundred will do nicely.”
Kaname snorted. “Drop dead and tell me anyway.”
“I was just thinking about what you’d call a friend.” Momomi sighed, leaning on her mop and looking out the window. “I don’t know much about friendship. For most of my childhood, I was kept in the house with my tutors, and the servants who were all too old, and I got told off if I talked to them, and I wasn’t allowed to go out much… really, all I had was sister. I had a pretty lonely childhood.”
Kaname nodded. “Well, whatever your father was trying to achieve, it doesn’t exactly work, did it?”
“You’re right. I guess that phase of my life, all the times I snuck out in the middle of the night, was a kind of reaction against that confinement. I wonder, is it unnatural to keep people like that? It’s so agonisingly conventional to portray friendship as a positive force and loners as some kind of freak…”
“Personally, speaking as a loner, I wouldn’t call that part of it unnatural,” Kaname said. “What was unnatural is that you had no choice. I decided to live this way, for myself, but you weren’t given any such opportunity. That’s especially unfair because you, of all people, should have many friends and be very liked. That’s how it should be.”
Momomi blushed slightly. “You think… I doubt that. But how about you? It seems like you should be really popular too, because you’re handsome and funny…” Embarrassed, she tried to cover herself. “What was your childhood like? Were you a lonely child?”
“Well, it’s not like I was lonely,” Kaname said. “But I didn’t have any friends, either. Those are two different things. No, where you had no company at all I had the other kind of negative experience… the company of people who liked to pick on me and each other, and who’d sell each other out for… I don’t know, one hundred yen.”
“That sounds pretty terrible.”
“Well, all I learned from that crowd was how to fight and how to blunt your emotions to the point where there’s no external signs at all. So I don’t know what you call a friend, either.” Kaname looked somber. “And truthfully, what I learned from them, still haunts me. I find it really hard to express emotion, it’s almost impossible for me to talk about my feelings.” She smiled and glanced sidelong at Momomi. “I guess you know what I mean.”
Momomi felt her heartbeat jump. Damnit, it’d only feel more shaken if she’d pulled a gun on me. Don’t say such painfully ambiguous things! “Well, yes… but that just means I appreciate it when you try. If you know what I mean. You have to get over yourself, after all.”
“That’s the funny thing, though. I find it a bit easier with you. Well, the fact that I can admit that is evidence in itself.” Kaname glanced at her with an amused smile on her lips. “I wish I knew why.”
Okay, now it’s worse than the pistol scenario. Perhaps if she confessed that she was once a man… or if she confessed something else. I can always dream, can’t I?
“But we’re both pretty messed up people, aren’t we?” Kaname said affectionately. “You know, before I met you, I’d never have believed anyone who said you could find a head-case as bad as mine in someone from the upper classes.”
“Oh, thanks,” Momomi pouted. “I appreciate the sentiment. There have to be better ways for our meeting to be commended.”
Kaname flicked her forehead and laughed. “Don’t take me too seriously. But that’s another one, when I think about it… before I met you, I was never able to talk about these things so lightly.”
Momomi’s face stiffened slightly as she remembered. “Well, you take yourself too seriously as it is. I just do what I can.”
“You don’t do very much, actually, but it’s a thing about you. Cracked girl, was it, when I talked about myself? Someone incomplete inside, with no right to life… that’s what I used to say. I guess the trick you have is to fool me into feeling complete.”
“If you haven’t noticed that you’re a real person, and that either everyone or no one has a right to life, then you’re an idiot,” Momomi said shakily. “But I’m the same. It’s hard for someone who spends their life acting to feel real, but you managed to find me, the real me, and proved that she exists. I’d almost forgotten…”
“This is what I mean. We’re both weird like that.”
“Then we’d better stick together. I’m sure you’d relapse without me around.”
“Yeah, yeah… I know, already. Besides, you just said you’re the same. Pretty defensive, aren’t you?”
“Well, you keep calling me weird. I feel obliged to be defensive.”
“You are weird, though.”
“That doesn’t mean you can call me weird.”
“Okay, okay. Can I call you weird?”
Momomi blinked. “Well… I guess that’s fine…” Actually, when you talk about us both in the same sentence, the same word, as being similar, it’s nice. But I can’t tell you that.
Kaname laughed. “You’re pretty ridiculous,” she said good-naturedly.
“Yeah, well, even if you can say it I still have the right to be defensive about it. That’s only fair.”
“Alright, alright.”
“Hey, hey!” Amiki shouted from the other side of the room. “What are you lovebirds talking about now?”
“We’re speculating about when you and Olesa are going to get together,” Momomi replied, pretty sure she had Amiki’s number on that one.
“Ha. Well, I wouldn’t expect you to understand.” Amiki turned away and attacked the floor in her mop.
Momomi felt a little guilty as she walked back towards the body of the group. After all, I’m in that kind of situation and it’s troublesome for me, so I’m trying to hide it from Kaname. If I really have judged the situation right and Olesa doesn’t know, aren’t I endangering Amiki in the same way I so fear? Well, she’s persisting in her accusations even though they’re now close to half true, so I guess it’s a case of two people living by the sword. She gave Olesa a speculative look. If that was the case, what would the case be for you? Would you know or would you be oblivious? What would you do? Would you return those feelings? Would you be embarrassed or disgusted? Would you just ignore the whole issue and pretend it hadn’t been raised? Actually, you’re the kind of person who’d do that even if you were pining away for her inside. It’d interfere with your important, self-sacrificial life plan. If that’s the case, I’d definitely have to interfere. But aren’t I getting ahead of myself? I should probably fix my own messed up love life before I starting thinking about others.
“It’s a serious point, though,” Shion said. “I’m very offended, Kiyashiki-san. It appears you find our company pretty arduous.”
“It’s nothing like that. Well, maybe a little. But sometimes I need a little time to think stuff over. Unlike a lot of people, I think a lot before I take action.”
“And my job is to stop her from thinking for too long,” Kaname said calmly. “It’s definitely bad for her. She gets broody.”
“Well, aren’t you the same? You were very broody indeed not so long ago and you didn’t say a word to me.”
“Yeah, yeah. You’re worse than me, though. I look over my shoulder and my cover from the malicious words of Amiki and a certain senpai is inspecting the wall as if it’s the greatest work of art since… what’s it… that picture of the frumpy woman with the druggy smile.”
“The Mona Lisa?” Shion suggested.
“That’s the one. You’re proof of my powers of description.”
“More like an insult to a great masterpiece, both of you,” Olesa muttered.
“In any case, you shouldn’t take things so seriously, Kiyashiki-san,” Shion said. “You’re young, there’s no time for thinking or doubting. Isn’t playing it by the ear more fun?”
“You say that with your happy-go-lucky persona, but that’s hardly the real you,” Momomi said. “And I know that you’re the last person who can talk about doing without thinking.”
Shion laughed. “Okay, you do have me there. I still think it’s good advice, though. I’m notoriously bad at following my own good advice.”
“I’ll bear that in mind…” Momomi looked around for a moment, smiling slightly, then stepped closer to Kaname. “So…” she looked up at her friend, voice soft. “What do you think?”
“About what?”
“About spending some time with these guys for an indeterminate future?”
Kaname cocked her head, thinking about it. In front of them, Shion argued with Olesa about the artistic merits of the Mona Lisa. “I guess I could get used to it. They’re not at our level, but they’re pretty weird too.”
Momomi nodded. “That’s good enough for me.”
“Oh, and not the guy. We don’t do guys in this school.”
Momomi smirked. “On so many levels, my friend. On so many levels.”
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