“So, what do you make of Serané, Araldo?” Momomi asked, picking through her bento.
“She’s a charming and well-bred girl. And she has a fascinating personality.”
“Now, that’s a Phareli talking,” Momomi teased. “I want to know what the teenage boy called Araldo thinks. It won’t go any further than here, my friends are reliable.”
Araldo gave Kaname a dubious look, which made her scowl. Oi! Go glare at Olesa and Amiki too, they’re right there! Impudent bastard! “Are you sure this is the right tone, Momomi?” Kaname asked, frowning. “This is a serious matter.”
“Don’t be so serious, Kaname,” Momomi said, smiling. “I just want a pleasant chat, not a business meeting.”
“Well, if I’m speaking frankly, Serané-san is… what’s the term…” Araldo frowned. “Can we speak in Italian now? This is a strain.”
“When in Rome, do as Romans do,” Momomi quoted.
“But Romans are keener on that axiom when they are in Rome,” Kaname noted, managing to recognise the English. “It’s just a way of saying to do what’s convenient for the locals. All the same, I don’t like being cut out of conversations.”
Araldo raised his hands. “That wasn’t my intention, I can assure you! I’m just not very comfortable with my Japanese. I can’t say I’m as well-spoken in it as my cousins.”
“Now that’s for sure,” Kaname muttered.
“Kaname!”
“You’re doing very well,” Olesa assured him. “Please carry on. Serané-sama is an important person to us, so we are interested in your opinions. It would be a shame if you weren’t compatible as personalities.”
“Scary… now we’re serious again,” Araldo joked.
“Well, it is a matter of marriage.”
“I suppose so,” Araldo said. “That’s why I should be honest, I know. But I was struggling to find the right word. I’ve got it now. Serané’s very cute.”
“Cute?” Momomi looked startled.
“Yeah, cute,” Araldo said uneasily, rubbing the back of his head and chuckling. “Sounds a little weak of me, doesn’t it? But she’s… I don’t know… there’s something about her manner that makes you want to hold her, you know?”
“My, my,” Luigia said, sounding amused. “Young love… you’re gabbing, cousin, and it’s rather embarrassing.”
“I’m sorry,” Araldo said, waving a hand. “I guess that came out strange, but what I meant to say, is that she has a very endearing personality. I was worried, when I came here, that I wouldn’t be able to stand her. She could be my wife, after all. I’d hate it if she were a strait-laced snob. But she’s a humble and unassuming personality, so I was really very relieved.”
“Well, I should warn you,” Momomi said. “She may appear like that, but she can be quite snobbish at times. She’s told me so herself.”
“Well, she didn’t come across that way to me,” Araldo said. “And she’s a good conversationalist, too. We got on very well and talked about a lot of different things. Her opinions can be a little simplistic, but-”
“That’s another thing. I mean, she’s not very bright, if I’m being frank.”
“Well, of course, but that doesn’t make her a bad person,” Araldo replied. “I didn’t expect you to be so judgmental, Momomi.”
“That’s not what I meant, but I’m just saying… you should be judgmental, you’re going to be married to her. Forever.” Momomi snorted. “This isn’t a time to say that anyone will do. You should be choosy.”
“I know that, but my first impression of her was positive. She’s beautiful, charming and with a pleasant manner.” He frowned slightly at some memory. “Her friend seems a little scary, though.”
There’s a lot of irony in this conversation Kaname reflected. Trust Serané to screw up this badly…boys like empty-headed personas like that. It makes them feel strong, important protectors, and bolsters their egos. But a clueless girl who hasn’t met a boy in years wouldn’t know that. “There’s something you should know about that friend, though, if you mean Kariya-sama.”
“Oh?” Araldo asked. “What’s that?”
“She’s Serané’s girlfriend. So don’t be too surprised if she’s being a little prickly.”
“Kaname…” Momomi said, surprised and slightly annoyed.
“I believe in the direct approach,” Kaname said. “I’m not messing around.”
“Girlfriend? In what sense?”
Luigia coughed. “Well, apparently there’s some rumour about her sexual preferences, and those two. But I’m sure it’s just talking.”
“It isn’t just talk,” Momomi said. “I messed around for our parents, because they’re idiots, but we can talk about this in a straight-forwards manner. Serané’s gay and she’s been Kariya’s lover for perhaps three years. I’m sorry, cousin.”
Araldo smiled slightly. “So they’ve been playing at a relationship, huh? That’s kinda cute.”
“Naïve, aren’t you,” Kaname said starkly. “I want you to imagine a newly married couple who sleep in the same room in one large bed- I’ve seen it- with three years at their disposal, and no need to go to work. I’m sure you can grasp my inference.”
“Surely not,” Luigia said. “I’ve come across this before. It’s as Araldo says, a game to pass the time.”
“Sister!” Momomi looked shocked and slightly upset.
“Well, they might pretend to be like that, but have you ever seen them in that kind of situation?” Luigia asked. “It’s an attitude thing, a way of attracting attention.”
“Not in this case, I can assure you,” Momomi said. “We’ve seen them kiss.”
“Only that?”
“Of course! They’re not perverted or anything, they don’t just do it in front of people!”
“Naturally. I doubt they even kiss much in public, but they’d still let it be known that they’re a couple. Like I said, it attracts attention.” Luigia smiled. “You’re a little naïve, Momomi.”
Bang. Momomi stood and slammed a palm against the table. “What the hell do you know?” she shouted.
Luigia looked shocked for a moment, then recovered, looking round the canteen, which quivered with shock at her words. “Momomi, please, you’re making a scene…”
“Why should I?” Momomi demanded. “I’m not the naïve one here! Just because you don’t understand or like something, you pretend it doesn’t exist… that’s worse than naivety, you’re in denial.”
Luigia flushed. “Do you really think that sort of thing is real?”
“Do you really think it doesn’t exist?”
They stared at each other, at something of a stalemate.
Araldo stood, laying a hand on Momomi’s arm. “Now, now, cousin… shall we just calm down?”
Kaname smiled thinly. Big mistake.
Momomi tore his arm off. “Be calm about what? Honestly, I can just about take this kind of attitude from my parents, but you two have no excuse!”
“Now, no one’s saying that they’re not undergoing… real experiences,” Araldo began. “It’s just… a phase, you know? Something they’ll grow out of, so you shouldn’t get so defensive.”
“You don’t get it, do you?” Momomi said, looking between the two of them. “Do you actually believe this crap?”
“As far as I can tell, you’re the one who has been mislead,” Luigia said, shaking her head slightly. “We’re being charitable, Momomi, please understand that. I don’t intend to condemn these two girls.”
“This is charity?”
“Well, it’s wrong,” Luigia said, shrugging. “But I can understand their reasons.” She gave Momomi a worried look. “I thought you knew that kind of thing.”
“I thought you knew kind of thing,” Momomi said, leaning forwards. “I can’t believe you still use such outdated concepts!”
Kaname sighed and stood. “Shall we quieten things down a bit?” she suggested, touching Momomi’s shoulder lightly. The girl looked at her with infuriated eyes. “The whole room would support you anyway,” she said softly. “Isn’t it more fun to do this properly?”
Momomi sighed, sitting down and smoothing her features with perceptible effort.
Kaname sat down as well, leaning back slightly. “Shall we end this conversation here?”
“That’s a good idea,” Araldo said, sounding relieved.
The sisters said nothing, avoiding each other’s gazes. Kaname sighed audibly. Oh, great, tense atmosphere…well, this is what you get for taking such a casual attitude at a school like this. If Luigia didn’t know the most basic of Astraea’s characteristics, she can’t be a very good sister. More to the point, how on earth did Momomi manage to write letters avoiding the issue? Is that even possible at a school like this?
“How do you find Japanese food, Araldo-kun?” Olesa asked, her voice loud in the silence. “Is it to your taste? I can speak from experience that it’s quite, quite different from European food.”
“Oh? Yes, I suppose it is…” Araldo forced a smile. “Actually, I quite like it. But I must say, I haven’t got the hang of chopsticks. There must be a trick to it, you’re all embarrassing me.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Amiki said. “We were the same when we arrived here. Look, I’ll show you.” She began a demonstration. “Your grip is slightly wrong… you need to rest it there, in between the fingers and thumb, but brace them with the ring finger. It’s just the ring finger and the thumb involved.”
“Like this?” Araldo asked, raising his hand. The sticks slipped in them. “Damnit…”
“No, you need to hold it tighter. And keep them straight.”
Kaname looked sharply at Momomi, who was picking listlessly at her food. She gave her sister a dark look for a moment, then looked away again. Brooding. Brooding isn’t good for you. She expertly picked up her umeboshi, holding it up. “Here.”
Momomi just glared at her and shook her head.
“Did I look like I was giving you a choice?” Kaname asked. “Eat or I poke your eye out. The choice is yours.”
Momomi rolled her eyes and ate the bitter fruit without a word.
Yep, bad mood. Well, I should have judged from that conversation before… Momomi feels pretty strongly about this. It’s a bit surprising, I always thought she was the apathetic type, but I suppose not. Just as long as she doesn’t become an Etoile fangirl, she was walking the brink there. But she looks pretty upset. Kaname gave Luigia a brief glare, but the girl was simply eating without a word. I know why. I suppose if you stretch your definitions, this is what they call betrayal. And one of the less pleasant aspects of this world, the fact that an otherwise perfectly decent, upstanding person can say stuff like…that. I mean, I don’t feel strongly about these things, but it was demeaning. I suppose that’s an inevitable part of this school. Talk about a liberal consensus… there’s this intrinsic solidarity in the favour of homosexuals, not out of a slightly uncomfortable correctness that you can find in some places, but a genuine belief, I suppose. I imagine there have to be people like Araldo and Luigia here, but they can’t voice their opinions very loudly, because of that. Of course, where I come from, the opposite would be true for the most part, and Momomi’s family is the same, and many other places and many other people. But you could perhaps forget that in this school. In that sense, too, we live in a dream world.
There was another slightly awkward silence. The sisters are still dead silent, Amiki looks slightly uncomfortable too, Olesa has retreated into her tranquil doll-like shell…and I’m not going to force myself to provide conversation. Actually, I can’t think of anything either. Not good.
“I was wondering, though,” Araldo began nervously. “Does anyone have any advice about Serané-san?”
Kaname glared at him, making him wilt visibly. “In what sense?”
“To impress her. We talked but I don’t really know too much about her and since you all know her a lot better than me, I was wondering if you could help me…”
“Sex change operation,” Momomi muttered, her voice closer to Olesa’s than her usual amused chime.
It really pisses me off to hear her sound like that. It’s just…wrong.
“To impress Serané-sama…” Amiki said to bridge the silence. “I’m not sure. Well, she likes strong people, as far as I can tell… I suppose you should try to assert yourself. And don’t worry about offending her, she’s far tougher than she looks. If you want to be her friend, then just agreeing with her is fine, but-” Amiki contemplated the end of the sentence and changed tack. “I think that goes for a lot of girls. If you want to be their friends, maybe agreeing with them all the time would be enough, but lovers need to be a little selfish as well. That’s what I think.”
“Have you ever followed your own advice?” Kaname asked sarcastically.
“I’ve no time for such stupid things,” Amiki said. “I’m dedicated to oj-” she winced, “Olesa-san.”
“Exactly.”
“I think I understand what you’re saying,” Araldo said, apparently deciding to ignore the latter exchange. “But when I see her face like that, it feels far too cruel to disagree with her.”
“Like I said, she won’t respect someone who thinks like that.” Amiki frowned. “It’s a mark of respect to call someone out when they’re talking complete nonsense.”
Araldo nodded. “That makes sense. Was there anything-”
“Araldo-san.” Olesa’s voice was impassive.
“Yes?”
“This will not be welcome, but you should listen to Kiyashiki-san.” Olesa gave him a dead-eyed stare. “Serané cannot love you. The best you can hope for is a business arrangement. Beyond that, give it up.”
Araldo opened his mouth then stopped himself, momentarily disarmed by her flat tone.
Olesa frowned at that expression. “I’ll elaborate. Even if you follow through with such an arrangement, trying to sweeten it by attempting to make her care for you will only hurt her. So take this as a trading matter. If you cannot accept that, stop this now.”
Araldo sighed. “So you think so too, huh?”
“How do we put this?” Amiki reflected. “Everyone thinks so, pretty much. Anyone who knows her even a little.”
“That doesn’t make it right,” Luigia said, looking up. “She’s still young… you’re all still young, very young, and-”
“Not again,” Momomi snapped.
“Easy,” Kaname said warningly. “Momomi, listen. That’s enough, isn’t it?”
Olesa nodded. “If you two won’t accept our words, that’s your decision. However, I would advise you to consider them seriously. For her sake and your own.”
There was silence for a moment. Then Momomi spoke again. “That’s not enough, though. Because it’s not wrong.”
“Momomi!” Luigia said.
“It’s not wrong,” Momomi said, more loudly, staring back at her sister. “And I’m not going to let you say that it is.”
“You two!” Kaname was about to stand and move between them when Olesa touched her shoulder briefly. “Huh?”
“Let them be.”
“Momomi… behaviour like that is a sin. You do understand that, right?”
“No, I don’t understand that. I don’t understand how any loving God can say that five percent of the population have no right to love.” Momomi scowled, fingers clenching under the table. “But I don’t understand how that God has anything relevant to say anyway.”
“Take that back!” Luigia said, genuinely shocked.
“I won’t. I won’t. I was never sure about God, but as I grew older, I grew more certain. Even if he’s real, then I don’t want any part of his kingdom.”
Kaname closed her eyes. Oh, God. This just keeps getting better and better.
“This school has changed you.”
“No. You’re the one who has changed. The sister I remember would never look at me as if I disgust her. No matter what I believed.” Momomi wrapped shaking hands round her upper arms.
“I’m not disgusted, Momomi, I’m just… surprised. A little shocked. Whatever you say, you have changed.”
“You’re a bad liar. But do you want me to tell the truth? Do you need to know why me, of all people, should be so dubious about a God?”
“We’re a religious family, we always have been, and you too, so… why?”
“Religious?” Momomi snorted. “When you watch our father pray so earnestly to a God who commanded Thou shalt not adulterate, and our mother pray to a God who said that women should know their place, and you pray to a God who said that a family was a sacred thing… in that environment… it became difficult to believe. I was merely going through the motions and no more years ago. I’m sorry to disappoint you, sister, but I’ve never been a true believer.”
“Do you think I’m blind?” Luigia said. “I’m a child of our family, and I know everything wrong with us, but I’ve always held onto my faith. You… you haven’t had an easy life, Momomi, but I’ve had it worse. I’m the eldest and I’ve tried to bear my duty, my responsibility. But you’ve always-” she stopped.
“Say it,” Momomi instructed crisply.
“You’ve always run away,” Luigia said, glowering defiantly. “You’ve always just done what you pleased and left me to make excuses and carry the burden for you. You didn’t even do what little you had to do and now it’s come to this.”
“Running away, is it?” Momomi’s face looked like it had been carved out of stone, but the eyes were glistening. “Yes, you might well see it that way. But I was walking away, and I am walking away. That’s not easy, but you wouldn’t know that. You’ve accepted it all, all that crap that’s your life. The duty, the religion, the beliefs and the will of your father. You’ve never stood for anything, have you? That’s running away.”
“I stood up for you,” Luigia replied. “Time and time again, and it wasn’t easy! That was a mistake, though. I should have let you stand on your own two feet.”
“Yes, that’s the way of our sublimely loving family,” Momomi replied. “No… I suppose you don’t deserve that. I’m… I’m not ungrateful. But I’ve decided to stand on my own two feet. Isn’t that what you want? I could care less if you don’t like what I stand for. This is who I am.”
Luigia sighed. “Momomi…”
The younger girl just folded her arms and stared back.
“You don’t need to pretend that our family’s perfect. But that doesn’t mean you have to define your faith by them. My religion’s my own, Momomi, not my father’s.” Luigia shrugged. “I’d assumed that you’d be the same… I believe in it precisely because my life can be emotionally difficult.”
“I can accept that, somewhat. But that doesn’t change my own feelings.”
“I know, but it makes me worry. Just because our parents believe in something, that doesn’t make it false. You shouldn’t define yourself as the complete opposite of them, it’s just as forced as if you’re their clones.”
“Then you’re worse than me, because you’ve ostensibly used independent thought but came to be a clone anyway,” Momomi said. “Tell me one particular in which you differ from them, or gone against this mystic duty, That’s what I hate. You just accept it all!”
“Accepting it is the mature thing to do. And I don’t define myself in terms of them, like I said. In your words, this is who I am.”
“There’s nothing mature at all about accepting an imposed will. To me, anyway. I’m through with it. That’s why I’m here and it’s why I want to stay here.”
“I’m not sure I can condone that any more. For your sake.”
“If you don’t condone it, you’re being dishonest. You said you wanted me to stand on your own two feet, and I’m doing that. I don’t want to be dependent on my father, or on my mother, or and you standing up for me.”
“That’s something you should say when you’re far older,” Luigia said. “You’re far too young to be talking about things like this.”
“Again, you can’t ignore my feelings because you disagree with them,” Momomi snapped. “Serané’s love is real, whether you recognise it or not. And that’s my resolve, whether you recognise it or not. It’s real to me. The rest is you deciding whether you care enough to listen.”
There was another kind of echoing silence. I know this one. This is the silence people make when they know they’ve said everything that can be said, but neither of them wants to walk away. I should know, it happened often enough between my mother and I. Now, how do I…
“Do you ride, Araldo-kun?” Olesa asked pleasantly.
“Horses? Yeah, a little.” He smiled humbly. “I’m not very good, though. Do you?”
“Quite well. I was wondering whether you might want to join me. I’m sure Ohtori-san or one the senpais will be able to lend you a horse if we asks nicely, they all own several.”
“That might be quite fun. I haven’t been for a while, I never seem to find the time for it.”
Olesa smiled. “I’m much the same, so we’ll both be out of our depth next to Ohtori-san. However, that doesn’t stop us from enjoying a quick canter round the paddock. It’s a pleasant enough pastime.”
“I’ll go with her, of course, but just to watch,” Amiki said, waving a hand. “I’ve never been any good at it, and if we borrow too many there will be raised eyebrows.”
“Would two guests be too much?” Luigia asked.
“No, of course not,” Olesa said. “I can assure you. We are hospitable to our guests, after all. I could lend you Ganymede, if it came to that, though he’s not really mine to lend.”
“Don’t you keep your own horses on the premises?” Araldo inquired in a friendly way. “You sound quite enthusiastic, after all.”
“She rides so infrequently that the expense wouldn’t really be justified,” Amiki said. “How about you two?”
Momomi forced a smile. “I’m still not keen on riding. I might take a walk to settle my lunch.”
“Me, too,” Kaname said instantly. “I’m sad to say I can’t ride at all. Never really seen the point.”
“Really?” Araldo said. “You should try it at some point, it is a very enjoyable experience.”
“Don’t waste too much time talking to her when she gets like that,” Amiki warned. “She’s very stubborn. Shall we go?”
“Very well.”
Momomi kept her walk composed while she left the canteen, eyes on the floor. Plenty of curious gazes went her way but Kaname cut them dead with a glare before anyone could bother her, following on behind her like a bodyguard. Then they’d pushed through the door and Momomi walked faster, without a word, fingers trailing the wall as if it was the only thing that kept her from running. Her shoulders were set, her face impossible to see, and it hurt Kaname to see her like that, but there was little that could be done. “Hey,” she said softly.
“What?” Momomi demanded without looking round.
“Where are we going this time?”
“Sarcastic bitch…”
“No sarcasm,” Kaname said innocently. “I just want to know that you’re not going to drag me off some place completely at random, that would be annoying.”
“No one asked you to come.”
“You’re as graceful as ever… it’s my responsibility to be your friend, in the same way Olesa has to act so disgustingly against the grain. I’m not going to sabotage your plans even if you’re in a half a mood to drop them yourself.”
“There’s no one important watching us right now. Go if you want to go.”
Kaname sighed. “You take me way too seriously.”
“Well, forgive me for that. I don’t take you seriously at all, so you must be really bad…”
“It’s better than having too dark a perspective on things. And I do know I’ve had my moments like that, but it’s advice I know even if I can’t always follow it. If I took things very seriously, Momomi, I’d have killed myself long ago.”
“So first you try and kid around, and now you’re trying to out-angst me…”
Kaname caught up with her, looking sideways. “Would you rather I didn’t bother?”
“Yes!”
Kaname snorted. “Well, tough. I’m going to bother you anyway.”
“Insensitive bastard.”
“Dishonest fluffball.”
“Fluffball? What the hell is that?”
“Who knows.” Kaname shrugged. “Thanks to you, I’m running out of hostile address, but hopefully that one isn’t running in your inner monologue.”
Momomi laughed despite herself. “Only your stupid logic…”
“Only your broody mind, too. If you ever have any mental volcab problems, some straight to me. I have an insult for every occasion.”
Kaname looked around as they stepped outside, spotting a bench within the convenient shade of a tree. It was a little out of the common way, partially hidden and currently deserted. Perfect for us, in other words. We’ve made isolation a way of life, but the skills you develop living like that sure come in handy at times like this. She grabbed Momomi by the forearm. “Come on, get over here. I’m not going to let you sleepwalk me into the lake or somewhere weird, already…”
“Hey! Let go of me!” Momomi struggled a little, before giving up and hopping after her overbearing friend. “That hurts, you know!”
“Sit down,” Kaname instructed. “At least you won’t get lost that way.”
“Did you ever hear of a suggestion?” Momomi pouted, sitting.
Kaname sat next to her, looking up at the sky. “Yes, but they’re less useful. This way I know for sure that I’ll get things done.”
Momomi didn’t reply, looking at the floor absently. A few seconds pause, then she sighed.
Kaname watched her out of the corner of her eye, trying to read her unreadable friend’s face. The wind softly caressed Momomi’s brown hair, threads flickering back and forth across her doll-like face. But there’s an unusual warmth there, an emotion and, perhaps, a depth of pain, that isn’t usual. No,her face is always warm and lively… more recently, anyway, and with that wry, glittering, sophisticated expression. I’ve always wondered whether she only makes those faces for me, or whether they’re who she is. Did Luigia see them when she was younger? Does she look like that in lessons when I’m not around? With Shion and the Etoiles, too? I wish I knew, and I wish I knew why I care to know. None of that’s important right now, though, because she’s sad, and I don’t know what I can do. I wish I was good at this thing, I wish I knew what to say. I’m sure Momomi would say the right thing, she always has done so, but I’m not like that, which leaves me impotent now. And I don’t like to see her like this, even if it’s her sister that upset her. No, especially because her sister upset her. But is that anger for her or for me?
“It’s funny, isn’t it,” Momomi said suddenly, without looking up.
“What is?”
“When you think you know someone so very well, until that moment when you don’t know them at all… when you find something about them that doesn’t sit well with your assumptions and your imaginings of that person… I suppose it shows you how superficial our understandings are.”
“Yeah,” Kaname said. Feeling that this was a little underwhelming as a response, she groped for a follow-up. “Well, I suppose it’s a reason for arguments. If you think someone’s perfect or exactly like you, you probably don’t know them as well as you should.”
“We must know each other very well, then.”
“Well, quite. It’s not always fun, of course.”
“I’m not quite sure what to do, though… do I remember this as part of who she is? Or do I separate what I like about her in my mind from what I hate?” She paused, but Kaname didn’t reply. She wasn’t looking for an answer. “But it’s a little shocking, I guess. I don’t know what to think… have you ever gone through the same thing?”
“Yeah,” Kaname said casually. “Several times. When I realised who my father was… when I met my mother for the first time, and realised just how far she was from my dream of her… and a few friends after that. They felt like betrayals. Some of them were literal betrayals. And this isn’t that.”
“You know, I’ve been thinking. I just thought sister would be different. Why?” Momomi touched her forehead, brushing a lock of her out of her eyes. “Because she’s someone I like? Because she seems fairly rational? Because she’s young, and so she can’t believe the stupid anachronism that her parents do… those are the things I thought. They felt rational at the time.”
“These things tend to,” Kaname said softly.
“But when I look back it, I never had any real reasons, I just thought she must think that way. Because I do. It’s kinda stupid, really.” Momomi’s shoulders slumped slightly. “And then I wonder, what if I hadn’t come to this school? Would I think just like her? Would I just dismiss the Etoiles as immature children playing adult games? If I was raised without this place’s influence, I probably would have been the same as her.”
“That doesn’t make her right,” Kaname pointed out. “Quite the reverse, because you have a wider life experience.”
“I know, but still… and even more than that, if I hadn’t gone this school, would I really still-” Momomi bit her lip, stopping in mid-sentence.
“What was that?”
“Nothing.”
Kaname frowned, looking sidelong at her dispirited friend again, and hesitating for a moment. “Momomi.” She blurted it out, then cut herself off.
“What?”
“Ehh… how do I put this one…”
“Just get on with it,” Momomi said, sounding irritated.
“Alright… well, don’t get offended, but… damn… that’s to say…” Kaname shut her eyes. “Are you gay, Momomi?”
“What?”
“Not that I think you are… not that there’s anything wrong with that, even if you are,” Kaname said, waving her hands hurriedly. “And you don’t have to reply if you don’t want to.”
“Why do you ask now?”
“Well, it’s just… you seemed a little defensive, back there, and before-”
“So anyone who is passionate about gay rights is gay, now,” Momomi said sarcastically. “Thanks for that, Kaname.”
“No, that’s not what I meant… whatever… forget I raised it, okay.”
“I’ll give you a straight answer. But only because that’s the best way to stop it from being a question that makes even you react like that when you pose it.”
“Well, that’s because…” Kaname decided to drop the smart caveats. “Okay, point established.”
“Well… yes, I’m gay. Probably... if not that, so confused as to make no difference at this point in time.” Momomi was silent for a few moments. “You know, that was easier to say than I thought it would be…”
Kaname felt a little shocked and a little… relieved? No, glad. “I’m glad for that.”
“Well, it’s not like I have anything to be ashamed of.”
“Of course,” Kaname replied, annoyed. “I know that. Don’t expect any special treatment, either.”
“Suits me just fine.”
Kaname remembered the people who would treat her differently. “All the same…”
“All the same?” Momomi asked suspiciously.
“It must be hard.”
Momomi considered how to reply to that, folding her hands in her lap. “From time to time… I guess. But that’s what I get for being abnormal.”
Kaname gave her a troubled look, but made no reply, looking away.
“My sister… what would she say if she knew… and is it wrong that I don’t want her to know?” Momomi sighed.
“Just do what you think is right,” Kaname instructed, turning to face her again. “You’re you, so don’t take crap. I’ll always have your back, because we’re friends.”
“Kaname…”
“Well, that’s just the way it is,” Kaname said, facing down again. “Your sister’s the wrong one, if you’ll let me go so far and take her phrase. That kind of attitude annoys me.”
“I wish life was simpler,” Momomi said, simply and wistfully.
“Don’t we all…” Kaname frowned as a thought occurred. “So, if you like girls, are there any you find cute?”
Momomi looked shocked for a moment, then looked down, breaking eye contact. “Well, there is one, when I think about it…”
“Hmm.”
“You don’t sound very happy, you know.”
“Well, I was thinking… if you got a girlfriend, that would definitely leave less time for me. I’d hate it if you just abandoned all your friends for some cute girl.”
“All my friends?” Momomi laughed bitterly. “There’s only you, you know.”
“Well, it sounds less selfish if I say all your friends, even if I just mean me. So…”
“So?”
Kaname let her nagging curiosity get the better of her. “Well, who is this person? Anyone I know? It has to be, surely… unless it’s someone in your class. Or, god forbid, an upperclassman… or an underclassman… nothing’s too weird for this school.”
“Don’t get ahead of yourself.”
“Well, who?”
Momomi looked sidelong at her, smiling weakly. “I can’t tell you yet. It’s a secret.”
“If you say so.” Kaname frowned, conflicting instincts warring in her head. I guess I’ll be kind, and damn my selfishness and discomfort. “Well, if you ever want any help with that, just ask.”
Momomi glanced at her for a moment, then turned her gaze on the distant trees. “I don’t think you could help me even if I asked.”
Kaname considered this, and laughed. “That’s true… I’m just being polite, you know.”
She fell silent when her friend didn’t reply.
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