The cliffhangers will continue until morale improves! The morale of the characters, that is, they're a bit gloomy right now.
“You rich kids,” Kaname muttered. “No stamina at all.”
“I’m staying right here,” Amiki said. “Unless you want me to carry on, Olesa.”
“There’s no need. You can rest for now.”
“That’s good.” Amiki lay back and looking up at the sky.
“I brought some food, you know,” Shion said, taking out a picnic basket. “So help yourself.”
“You’ve got food?” Momomi said, pushing herself to a sitting position. “Really?”
“Why else did you think we stuck around this long?” Kariya asked sarcastically. She was standing over them, folding her arms.
“Kariya… no, I give up.” Serané sat elegently, kneeling and inviting Kariya to sit beside her. “We did stick around for the food. It’s not genteel to admit that.”
“This is good,” Momomi said, biting into a sandwich. “Did you make all this yourself?”
“Me? I thought you knew me, Kiyashiki-san.” Shion chuckled. “I had some darling students in your year make all this for me. They’re so kind.”
“Is that so?” Momomi frowned. “You know, I feel an almost moral obligation to protect our year from people like you.”
“That’d be the first time you felt a moral anything,” Amiki said.
“Drink, too.” Shion pulled out several flasks. “Anyone?”
“Is it water?” Olesa asked depressively.
“I don’t think I want to see water ever again,” Amiki finished, sighing and stretching.
“It’s fruit juice,” Shion said.
“Wonderful,” Momomi said. “Please.”
“Though they said they made it themselves,” Shion murmured doubtfully. “I’ve no idea what fruit it is.”
“As long as it’s not wine,” Serané said in a conciliatory tone.
“Well, aren’t we condescending?” Kariya sighed. “Having a picnic with delinquents being punished, I’m ashamed of myself.”
“I’m sure we’re only intending to provide them with moral guidance and support, Kariya. Punishment must be accompanied by assistance, don’t you think?”
“Nah,” Kariya said. “Cut their first little finger off and the problem will sort itself out.” She caught Serané’s gaze. “I was joking, okay? Just a joke.”
“It’s not funny when you say it, because it totally sounds like you mean it,” Momomi quipped, eating rapidly. She was ravenously hungry. This was the most physical strain she’d been put through in a long time, and it was annoying her. She was definitely unfit, she’d always known that, but it sure was annoying her when for the first time in months it really caught up to her. It had even got to Kaname on some level.
Kariya moved slightly, turning to face them. “In any case, I can’t say I like any of you. You’re all antisocial, difficult, violent, manipulative and deceitful.”
Amiki smirked. “So we’re just like you. Learn from the best, Etoile-sama.”
“Well, I can accept that in that it’s part of who you are,” Kariya said. “It’s probably beyond me to change that, if none of you are willing to change yourselves.” She leaned back, looking up the sky. “That’s the way you are. It’s not something I’m unfamiliar with. But… I don’t get why.”
“Is there anything to get?” Momomi asked.
“There is, always,” Kariya replied. “Satisfy my curiosity. Off the record, here and now. I don’t care how stupid or awful your reasoning is. I’ll think more of you for admitting to it than coming up with a pretty half-truth. And I will see through a lie.”
“I wanted to hurt them,” Kaname said warningly. “Nothing more. Understand that.”
“I was just following my loyalties,” Amiki said. “But none of this has anything to do with you.”
“And for me…” Momomi closed her eyes and decided to play along. It would work to her advantage, after who came next. “Serving my interests. That’s to say my desire to stay at this school.”
“Kiyashiki-san constructed a very intricate theory, in my case. Perhaps you should ask her.”
“I don’t want her theories. I want your answer.”
“There are many reasons,” Olesa said. “One is the opposite of Kiyashiki-san’s. I don’t want her to stay at this school. Another reason is that I don’t trust her even like this. One of the others is a matter that was between the Phareli and the Peres.”
“I understand,” Serané said, nodding briefly.
“Eh?” Momomi blinked.
“You do?” Kariya said, equally surprised.
“In deference to Peres-san’s wishes, I won’t elaborate here, save to say that I understand.” Serané looked unusually serious. “It is a delicate matter.”
“Well, fine,” Kariya said, sounding a little off-balance. “If it’s good enough for Serané, that’s good enough for me. None of that excuses rampant violence, though. It’s completely undignified behaviour. I expect all of you to live up to the names of your families. And, no, Kenjou, that doesn’t make you an exception. You are here, whether I like it or not. I look to you for exceptional standards, not poor ones. Otherwise nothing will change, that’s the nature of a pioneer.”
“The only thing I’m pioneering is the ability of the school to legitimately drop the existence of scholarship students in the prospectus. To ease upper class guilt. That’s it.”
“Opportunities come in many forms, some of them patronising. But you make of them what you will. So far, Kenjou, you’ve disappointed me.”
Kaname gave her a very dark look, but she was cut off before she could reply.
“Can we broach another subject, Etoile-sama?” Shion asked.
“Go ahead,” Kariya said. “I’m tired of this conversation anyway, and I’m sure they are too.”
“It’s not something for me to talk about, though. This is from Momomi. She’s mentioned it.”
“Is now really the time?” Momomi demanded, glaring at Shion. Annoying. Did she think I’d forgotten? I was going to broach it another way…
“Out with it,” Kariya said. “I hate it when people beat around the bush.”
Momomi blushed at the Etoile’s piercing gaze. Scorn her from a distance as much as you like, but in proximity it was impossible to deny Kariya’s… presence. It was like and yet unlike the sense that Kaname radiated, which was more consistently hostile but also more familiar. Somehow, because Kaname was hostile all the time, it became comforting. Kariya’s detached scrutiny was a lot less pleasant. “Well, that’s to say… it’s about me staying at this school. I have mentioned it to you before. I want to stay here.”
“Even for someone of your behaviour, that isn’t a problem in theory,” Serané murmured. “So the catch is what?” She sounded like she already knew.
“That’s to say that my father is against me staying here. For now. I think I can persuade him, but…”
“There’s no other choice,” Kariya snapped. “You need parental consent to be here. That’s not a rule a thirteen year-old can violate.”
“I know that,” Momomi said impatiently. “I know that already. Like I said, I’m trying to persuade him, and doing everything I can, even though I hate him. But… it just doesn’t seem fair that after a year, when I’m finally starting to like this dump somehow, I’m going to be torn away again. It’s the first time in my life I’ve ever had a sense of place, and that may be stupid, but I want to try and hold onto that. At least, I’m not going to lose it without a fight.”
“I see,” Kariya said quietly. She looked at the sky for a moment. “Well, I should bloody well think so, too. You definitely have to fight for the important things in this world, and I’m glad you’ve realised that.”
“The problem is deciding what’s most important,” Serané said. “Especially when two important things collide.”
“Well, I only really care about my sister, and I can manage without. So it’s not exactly a moral dilemma.”
“I’m surprised, though,” Serané remarked. “You really only know Kenjou-kun from this school.”
“Well, that’s not exactly true,” Momomi said.
“Yes, it is,” Amiki said. “It definitely is.”
“So, what do you intend?” Kariya asked.
“I managed to get them to postpone judgement for a few weeks. That’s something. The way I figure it, if I can pass the scholarship exams at the end of the year I can say that I’m paying for myself, so to speak. If my father’s not paying money, he should lose interest. Provided I take the right attitude.”
“The scholarship exams are difficult, you know,” Serané said. “The competition is intense, and you’re not exactly what we intended when we suggested the concept to the Superiors.”
“Well, I know that too,” Momomi said. “But I don’t think I have any other choice, and I don’t want to be dependant on a man I hate forever.”
“That’s all very admirable,” Kariya said sarcastically. “But it’s not meant for family feuds, like Shizuru says. We’d be setting a dangerous precedent.”
“On the contrary, I think this case is perfect for it,” Shion suggested. “To allow someone who would not otherwise go to the school to go and benefit, based on their academic excellence. That’s the meaning of a scholarship, is it not?”
“It is,” Kariya said. “But like we said before, it’s really meant to broaden the pathetic social diversity of this school by a moderate amount. Kiyashiki-chan won’t help with that at all.”
“If she’s passed over because of her background, that’s just another type of discrimination,” Shion argued. “The case is the same, she needs that money to stay here as she wants to. Her family situation doesn’t have anything to do with it if they aren’t willing to support her.”
“What would you have us do, then? Throw open the system so that a dozen families suddenly decide they won’t permit their students to study here, except through scholarship payment?” Kariya snorted. “It would be ridiculous.”
“The exams are extremely hard,” Shion said. “I sat them out of curiosity last year after the fact, and I struggled badly. If Momomi requires the money and can get the results needed, that should be enough. This isn’t something where her parents matter.”
“Well… perhaps,” Kariya sighed. “I like your logic, at least, but it’s only wordplay. We’re the ones who have to deal with the fallout and the responsibility. What do you think, Shizuru?”
Serané closed her eyes for a moment, thinking. “If it was made clear by her father that there was no other alternative… that would be acceptable, I think. Even if it isn’t what we intended, she wants to be here even if she has to work hard for it.”
“That’s good enough for me, too, I guess” Kariya said. “Call me sentimental. Don’t get used to this!”
Serané sighed. “Though that may not be enough. If it ever comes up, we’ll put your case to the Superior and see what happens. That’s all we can do. The trouble is that adults tend to intrude on the dreams of children, that’s what they see as their right.”
“Please, do your best for me,” Momomi asked, bowing. “A chance is all I want.”
“Just remember you have to pass the actual exams, too,” Shion said playfully. “They’re devised by the Etoiles themselves in their more sadistic moments, you know.”
“I happen to have a good friend who came out of them with unsurpassed high standards,” Momomi said boldly. “So I’m not afraid on that front.”
“What else?” Kariya asked.
“I’d like to invite my parents here. If I can convince my father to come. I’m counting on you all to impress him, though he’d never admit it.”
“We could help you with inviting him,” Serané said. “Perhaps. But that depends on us.”
“How so?” Momomi asked.
“It depends on how deeply we want to get involved,” Kariya explained. “I’m uneasy becoming your advocate. And…” she glanced at Serané.
“I’m not entirely comfortable with this,” Serané said, sighing again.
“Well, that’s that,” Kariya said, sounding as if she expected Momomi to go back to her room and pack her bags on the spot.
“No, not exactly,” Serané said hurriedly, twisting her hands in her lap. “This shouldn’t be about my comfort zones. What does Kariya think?”
“I think… well, I don’t think too much either way,” Kariya replied. “It’s not like I care too much either way.”
“That’s nice,” Serané teased, smiling again. “Now what does Kariya really think?”
“You got me,” Kariya admitted. “Well, the way I see it, this’ll be something new. As she’s Kenjou-kun’s friend, Peres-chan’s enemy, and one of the students at the school we attend, I think we should back her to the hilt. Even thought I hate the lying little bitch.”
“Be careful with the word friend,” Kaname warned.
“Well, semantics aside… that’s what we are, isn’t it?” Serané mused. “Students for the students, the Etoiles. Helping them.”
“And punishing them,” Kariya added. “Because we’re responsible. But that, too. I haven’t fixed you yet, Kiyashiki, I’m inclined to do this so I can make you a somewhat respectable member of society.” She closed her eyes. “Of course, you’ll owe us an arm, a leg, a spleen and all your kidneys. Believe me in that! I’ll expect full payment.”
“But I’m surprised again,” Shion said, smiling. “When you look at her, Kiyashiki-san isn’t exactly the most popular of girls. But she has all these advocates. Aren’t you lucky, Kiyashiki-san?”
“I guess so,” Momomi said. “Though I don’t think anyone here’s doing this out of friendship.”
“It’s a weird thing about you, all the same,” Kariya said. “I’ve no idea how you’ve swayed me, but you have somehow. You have an inexplicable quality, Kiyashiki. Be careful with it.”
“It’s called beauty, grace and charisma,” Momomi said cockily.
“Can I just say for the record that we aren’t helping her because we like her,” Amiki said. “Peres-san has decided we should, though. That’s all.”
“I think it’s that Kiyahsiki-san is everyone’s rebel, here,” Serané offered meditatively. “To defy our destiny, it’s something we all want to do.”
“However it happened, she’s scraped into this somehow,” Shion said. “With six people to help her.”
“Just a little,” Serané said hastily. “I shouldn’t go too far. Indeed I don’t intend to.”
“Just a little,” Olesa warned. “I don’t regard her as a friend.”
Momomi looked around them all, feeling a little… fuzzy despite herself. That wasn’t like her at all. But then she looked and saw Kaname, lying down and facing away. She looked moody. Momomi had no idea why but she found it a pleasant sight. She lay back, taking hold of Kaname’s arm and holding it gently while she looked up at the sky. “Why so gloomy?”
“What the hell are you doing?” Kaname muttered.
“Who knows?” Momomi said, slightly unsure herself. “Well, I’m feeling good today.” The clouds were very beautiful. She could hear Kaname’s shallow breathing, too, so close. It felt good to do something casual like this, once in a while, and screw Amiki. It was nice to feel like maybe you had a friend.
“I’m glad you’re getting on well,” Serané said, tapping her fingers against her chin.
“But it’s back to work in two minutes,” Kariya finished. “Don’t get too comfortable.”
Momomi missed the way Kaname stiffened to her touch, already turning away and grumbling at Kariya’s words. There was nothing to worry about, after all.
“Maybe if you’d worked harder.”
“Well, forgive me,” Momomi pouted. “I’m not like you, an obsessive freak for physical activity.”
“Yes, yes,” Kaname said.
“But Kariya’s still a sadist,” Momomi said. “It took so damn long! And the clock tower, all those stairs, and she made us clean every tiny nook and cranny. It’s ridiculous. The worst thing, though? Isn’t that the way she just sat there and watched us for duration, and shouted orders from time to time? You’d think she’d have something better to do.”
“You would… But it’s expected of Kariya.” Kaname stuck her hands in her pockets, frowning up at the sky.
Momomi glared at her and changed the subject. “And Amiki and Olesa… those two definitely freak me out. I should have been more thorough, but I know it now, anyway. Their manner isn’t normal. Don’t you think?”
“You’re right,” Kaname said. She walked steadily towards the dorms, a little ahead of Momomi.
“Amiki’s loyalty goes far beyond mere respect for a dominant friend. There’s a reason there. I’ll find it out. And that reminds me, Olesa and me. What do you think?”
“I’m sure you’ll be very happy together.”
“Not that, idiot.” Momomi pouted. “You shouldn’t even suggest something as disgusting as that. I mean this mysterious thing that’s between us. Serané’s so damn ambiguous.”
“Well, you can ask her, can’t you?” Kaname said. “That or your good friend Shion. Don’t look at me.”
“I get it, already,” Momomi said. “I’m just making conversation.”
She glanced at Kaname, catching the girl staring moodily ahead. What’s up with her? She’s such a strange girl. She’s been this way for an hour, now. I don’t get it. But I can’t just ask her, she’d just deny everything. Well, whatever. After saying such embarrassing things earlier, I don’t intend to let her off like this. She brushed a lock of hair out of her eyes.“Are you angry or something? You’re being unusually sensitive.”
“Not really.”
“Well, there’s definitely something wrong! You’re not normally this annoying!” Momomi looked sidelong at her, scowling. “It’s annoying! So tell me already, I can’t stand it when you’re getting on my nerves.”
Kaname looked dangerous for a moment, then something snapped and she broke into a smile. “I suppose I have hurt your pathetically vulnerable feelings.”
“Don’t get too cocky.”
“The same to you, to think anything you could do would upset me,” Kaname retorted. “I’m just pissed off at having to do so much manual labour when there’s no decent reason. Well, this is what I get for saving you.”
“At least a musclehead like you is used to all the physical labour.” Momomi smiled, relieved. This was better. This was the Kaname she knew. It might sound weird that she was glad about that, but she was. “Some of us are better at thinking than tramping around doing hard things.”
“Some of us can do both, though. Isn’t that best?”
“Not if you can’t deal with people. Some of the things you said were completely nonsensical, and you managed to offend just about everyone at some point or other. Are you deliberately inept?”
“Well, it’s better than an awkward silence or something crap like that,” Kaname replied. “I have a gift for keeping conversations moving… but it’s like one of those geeky pen and paper things, isn’t it? I put all my point thingies in the important things.”
“Ignoring the boxes marked manners, morals, social ability, self-preservation, that kinda thing,” Momomi said. “Oh, and sensibility. Your random metaphors are too much proof of that.”
“Really?”
“Totally.” Momomi pouted again, disappointed when Kaname didn’t take her latest little flourish further. Damned if I’m going to tell her that, though.
Kaname had returned to a brooding silence, which was annoying. Momomi didn’t know why, but it was fine. Sometimes you needed a little space in your head to think things through. She, of all people, understood that. Besides, chasing after Kaname’s thoughts is a waste of time. She’s never going to let me in that easily. Well, we’re both strong, it’s fine. “You know, I haven’t done my history either,” she remarked.
“I’m the same.”
“Actually, I didn’t even pay attention in the lesson,” Momomi said. “I had too many things to think about. How about you?”
“Sometimes we’re too alike.”
Momomi sighed. “That’s typical of us, really. This could be quite troublesome.” She shrugged. “Well, let’s get back and begin. It’s not like we ever have anything else to do in our evenings.”
“Speak for yourself.”
“Excuse me? What do you do? Sit around on the bed all day?”
“Well, it’s a pastime. I’d rather do that than have homework.”
“I’ll never understand your ability to do nothing for an extended duration.”
“Sometimes that’s all that can be done. But I do this thing called sitting and thinking, you know.”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Momomi shook her head. “You think too much. I bet if I told that to anyone else in our year, no one would believe me.”
“Well, they’re all stupid.”
“We’re going to have to deal with them in the end, though.”
“Don’t want to.”
“Lazy girl. Honestly. You could be so popular if you just applied yourself…”
“That’s too much of a bother,” Kaname said. “That’s what I think.”
“Yes, yes.” Momomi stretched idly, cursing her aching arms. “Let’s get back.”
They walked back across the yard in silence, a slight breeze blowing through their hair. There were a lot of students around them, but Momomi didn’t pay attention to them. They weren’t interesting or relevant, yet. All the same, she fancied that Kaname and her together cut interesting figures like this. Not that anyone is going to notice. Like Amiki’s nonsense. Unlike Kaname, I personally hope that the girl will spread it around. Hell, I’ll encourage her if that’s what it takes, using reverse psychology of course. It doesn’t take more than a rumour of the so-called “forbidden love” to make dozens of fangirls squeal. The only annoying that is that we’re still so young. The lower years appear to go gooey in direct proportion to the age gap between themselves and their beloved, impressive senpais. I’ve always found that ridiculous. It’s pretty immature, really, an obsession with those above you because you aren’t satisfied with those equal to you, and by extension, yourself. And the senpais, too… I don’t approve of that kind of relationship, though I’ve seen a few around. It’s too much people seeking for things they thought they’d lost or didn’t have, perhaps. Serané and Kariya, at least, stood as equals, true equals. If that wasn’t the case, it would be stupid, just the same as the worse kind of romances I occasionally read where the heroine is so hopeless and dependant on a strong male. I can’t respect girls like that, or even men who respected girls like that. Ultimately, everyone should be able to stand alone. Only then can you stand with someone else. Doesn’t that sound dramatic?
All the same, us being seen as a couple could be useful. It’d make us interesting. But… it’d be pretty embarrassing. I don’t know whether I could actually pretend, or give a straight answer when pressed. Momomi laughed. Pretty childish of me, really. It’s just acting, isn’t it? But I guess I just find the concept too ridiculous to contemplate. It’d feel… wrong? I’m not sure. Would Kaname bear that part, I wonder? Could I convince her? Or would her furious denials work well enough anyway?
“What’s so funny?”
“I was thinking about how ridiculous our peers can be, that’s all.” Momomi smiled. “You have a point, you know. I forget some times.”
“I see.” Kaname looked away again.
Momomi watched her out of the corner of her eye, noting the way the breeze ruffled her blue hair and left it tangled over her forehead. Of course, her own hair faired far worse, it was one of the weaknesses of having it so long, and in a more intricate style. But somehow she was still used to the idea of having neater hair than Kaname. Her friend was so casual that she always had a sense of being ruffled. Not just her hair, but generally. She was even worse than usual today, which wasn’t exactly surprising. “You definitely need to take a shower.”
Kaname just sighed. “I know, already.”
“And a proper one, too,” Momomi teased. “Not just one of those ones you take with cold water for five minutes so you can say to me you’ve showered the next morning.”
“You’ll only pester me into taking a proper one anyway.”
“Not today. I have to take your uniform to the dry cleaners and borrow a spare one for you.”
“You’re way too fastidious,” Kaname complained. “It’s all a waste of time to me. A piano is a piano, even if you put a sheet on it.”
“But a beautiful flower is even better in a fine vase, right?”
Kaname managed to avoid blushing by the skin of her teeth, making Momomi giggle again.
“Hey,” Kaname said, breaking the silence after a while. “You know-”
“Hmm?”
“Well… I was going to- ask,” Kaname sighed, took a breath, then spoke again, more confidently this time. “How do you manipulate people?”
Momomi blinked. “What’s all this? That’s a pretty generalised question, isn’t it?”
“Well, I don’t know how to put it. You know that I’m not great with people things. I understand the principles… but I can’t execute it. How do you do it?”
“Well, it’s like all the things you said yourself,” Momomi said thoughtfully. “Like war. But basically, I try and work out what my enemy is like. Their strengths. Their weaknesses. I’ll attack their weaknesses and the aim is always to erode their strengths. As for my method, talking works best. With some people, like Olesa, it’s a matter of business. But with some you have to be more casual and retain a pretence of normality.”
“So you just say anything that will take root?” Kaname started up the stairs, glancing back at her companion for a moment.
“Well, not exactly. Changing someone outright is too drastic. It’s not that easy, either, unless I know someone really well. Like with Olesa, you know? I didn’t know what I was talking about.” Momomi smiled. “I just threw enough mud at the wall. But I’ll tell you something interesting. If a person’s uncertain, it doesn’t even matter if you’re accurate. They’ll let you talk and they’ll listen. That’s why I can tell, Olesa’s an uncertain soul at heart.”
“Really?”
“That’s right.” Momomi glanced at her, looking worried. “Why all the questions? Did Olesa say some weird things?”
“Oh… no,” Kaname said. “Not really. Nothing important.”
“Well, that’s okay then.” Momomi frowned but moved on. “I talked to Amiki, you know, but I couldn’t get through at all. She trusts Olesa absolutely, and I don’t know why. It’s not something I can shake.”
“Is that so?” Kaname frowned, looking ahead again.
“It’s good, because she’s a challenge,” Momomi said casually. “I’ll crack her, I’ll get them both. Messing with people’s heads, it’s a thrill, really. It’s a way to exert power. I guess in that respect I’m no different from you and your violence. It’s not something we should be proud of… but it’s fun, right? Because we’re good at it.”
“Yeah.” Kaname pushed open the door to their room and walked forwards, falling onto her bed.
“Strip,” Momomi ordered brazenly.
“Yes, ma’am,” Kaname said sarcastically, taking off her jacket and throwing it to the brown-haired girl as fast as she could. She unbuttoned her shirt and followed up by passing that over as well, before folding her arms over her chest. “Fine?”
“Fine,” Momomi said, oblivious to her friend’s tension. “I’ll be back in a few minutes. I expect you to be in the shower then, okay? Still there, I mean. No skipping on it.”
“I got it,” Kaname sighed. She walked into the bathroom, undressing the rest of the way and stepping into the shower. She turned it on and leaned against the wall, limbs shivering slightly as bitterly cold water flowed over her tired limbs. But the biting, icy sensation suited her right now. She was too tired, too hot, too exhausted. She leaned against the wall, blue hair moistening and sticking to her forehead. It fell over her eyes. She tried to brush it out of the way, but it fell back under the steady stream of water. She sighed deeply, shifting her head out of the way. It was fine as it was. Now the cold water washed over her shoulders and down her back, bringing out the aches and pains of a dozen bruises. Her hands were smarting where she’d punched the others. Her body was battered all over, her spine was killing her where Amiki had hit her repeatedly with her damn kinetic tackles, and she’d even stubbed her toes from one too many kicks. All those sensations were all-too familiar to her. She’d felt them before, so many times.
What was new… that would be Olesa’s words. And Momomi. Just generally, Momomi. You make me so uncertain. You make this so hard. It’s a question that a normal person wouldn’t ask, but I’m not a normal person, and I have to know. I know you too well, I know myself too well, to be confident that our relationship is what it seems. I say we’re enemies, over and over again. Do I really think that? No, I might be right. Is it possible for someone like me and someone like her to ever be anything but that? The distance between us is just so vast. On the other hand, all through this time, slowly but surely, I’ve become comfortable with this. When Momomi says friend I say foe, but is that just me and my comfort zones? It’s just denial so I can still kid myself that I’m safe inside myself…no, it’s worse than that. I’m like someone who fantasises about rape. I can say all the way that this isn’t want I want, but really I want her to be a friend, a close friend, something. It’s just a way of making myself feel innocent, even in my guilt. Kaname remembered herself and pushed off the wall, turning and stepping back to let the water run down the front of her body, washing away the sweat and grime and traces of dried blood. Such an unpleasant image is right for someone like me. Momomi, on the other hand… can I trust her words? She doesn’t hide what she is, after all. That would be a sickeningly ironic thing. She, calling me a friend, considering me a foe. And I’m the reverse. Could I live with that? It’s something I’d have to hide forever, or she’d know just how much power she has over me. She’d destroy me. I don’t want to be Amiki. I don’t want to be reduced to that. That’s even worse than the alternative, which is to be alone and betrayed once again. And my greatest fear is that I’d become Amiki out of my own free will.
And that other thing…Kaname raised a hand, watching the water splash over her fingers. Just thinking about it made her all too hot, all too furious with herself, deep inside. I’m in far too deep. This is far too dangerous. I can’t carry on, not like this, not with my feelings so close to exposure and Olesa free to screw over my mind, over and over again. I can’t bear it any more. But I don’t know what to do. Because… I can’t tell her. There. I said it. When I look at her smile and wonder whether it’s real or mirror glass, I can’t say anything at all. And that leaves me lost. What’s left? What should I do now? I’m so strong that I never ask for help, but my path, my life, something straight and true. I can’t see it now. So where does that leave me?
“Hey! Kaname! I’m back!”
Kaname took a ragged breath. “A few more minutes!”
“That’s fine,” Momomi said through the door. “That’s good, take your time. At least this way you’ll get clean.”
If only you knew.
“I’ll leave your new clothes on your bed. Take as long as you like, now that you’ve finally grasped the concept of a decent shower. Must be all my lessons.”
How hard it is now just to look you in the face.
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