A Mother’s Love
Well, it turns out that’s half true. I don’t have to hide anything from you, but that doesn’t mean I can simply tell you everything. I’m just not around you enough to tell you every little thought that pops through my head which you might be interested to know. You know, I don’t really even need to qualify that sentence. I’m just not around you enough. It relates to this, yes, but so much more as well.
I guess maybe I’m just impatient. However many steps we take in our relationship, it seems I’m always looking two or three ahead. Right now, I’m not only thinking about the step where I get to return the favor and bring you to your first orgasm (and I must say, I’m very touched that you’ve been saving that for me), but I’m also starting to think about having you move in with me. I’ve taken to cleaning up one of the spare bedrooms in my house and setting it up so you could live there in my spare time. Of course, I want us to be sleeping in the same bed eventually, but this might be a good way to ease you into things.
I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy before, Natsuki. Sure, there were a few individual moments that reached this level, like when I first realized that you could indeed love me as I loved you, and of course our first special night together passed this level. But this sustained level of happiness is something new to me. I thought I was in love with you before, but now that my love is returned, it feels like my feelings have risen to a new level.
It’s this feeling that’s giving me the courage to come out to my mother. I’m so sure about our love, that it will be the easiest thing in the world to tell her about it and hopefully let her share in my happiness. After that’s done, I’ll just have to explain to her that it’s with a girl. If I’ve already gotten her happy that I’m in love, it should be a lot harder for her to turn around and start to judge who I’m in love with.
To be honest, I really don’t know if that would be much of a problem to her in any case. She’s a very traditional Japanese woman, and tradition does frown upon this sort of relationship. However, my father has slowly broken her of many of the sillier traditions over the years, so maybe she’d be open here. I’ve heard some stories about children being disowned by their parents when they came out, and I am a little worried, but I want to trust in my mother’s love for me above any prejudices. I really don’t see how parents could exist that could be that cruel to their children.
Well, that’s all that I want to say for now. I don’t know what I’ll do with this letter, really. I promised in the last one I wrote that I’d start your special evening as you finished reading it, so I can’t slip this one in after that. Maybe I’ll hang onto it for a while, and when I get you to move in, I can open up this and any other letters I’ve written for you to read. Well, I guess there’s little point speculating about it here. When you’re reading this, you’ll already know. Hopefully I’ve come up with something good!
Your very happy girlfriend,
Shizuru
“You say that as if I wasn’t any good before, Mama,” Shizuru replied. She searched her memories for when she’d last had tea with her mother. There were a few visits home in which her mother had made tea for them, but the last time she’d done so for her mother was a bit before she’d first left for Fuuka Gakuen. “I do believe that you quite praised my skills the last time I prepared tea for you.”
“Just because you were good then doesn’t mean there wasn’t room to improve,” her mother replied. She took another sip of her tea, allowing her enjoyment of it to show through on her face, perhaps exaggerating it a little for her daughter’s sake. “Back then, you mimicked my style almost perfectly. You’ve expanded a lot since then, and you’ve come up with your own signature taste. I’m quite proud of you, you know.”
Shizuru gave her mother a small smile as she took a last sip and finished up the tea in her cup. As she walked to the counter to refill her tea from the kettle, she replied, “Thank you Mama,” with only a touch of embarrassment from her mother’s praise. The woman didn’t give out compliments lightly, so it was quite flattering to get it from her. She didn’t feel like she really deserved it for her marginal improvement in tea-brewing skills, but she wasn’t going to bother arguing. The woman could be as stubborn as a rock when she wanted to be.
“Not just for that, dear,” her mother continued as Shizuru sat back down. “You’ve done so well for yourself here. In High School, you became Kaichou in a landslide victory, you were the most popular girl in school, and you graduated at the top of your class. You’ve also done quite a good job settling in here on your own, it looks like.”
Ara, Mama, none of that is what really matters, Shizuru thought to herself in response to her mother’s further praise. I couldn’t care less if I had any of that. Winning Natsuki’s heart is the only victory I need in my life. A smile formed on her face at the thought of her love despite her attempts to keep a stoic expression. “Thank you, Mama,” was all she said in response, however.
As Shizuru peeked cautiously at her mother’s eyes, she found them watching her with the precision of a hawk. Her mother’s ability to pierce through her façade had unnerved her from an early age, and however much she worked up a mask to hide her emotions, it was never enough to keep her mother out. Sure enough, she was able to peer into Shizuru’s thoughts now. “But there’s something else, isn’t there?” she said with a small smile tugging at her lips. “You’ve got something else you’re truly proud of.”
“Perceptive as always, Mama,” Shizuru said, adding a little smile to her mask. She considered whether to go forward and tell her mother about Natsuki, but she decided to see what her mother might be able to deduce on her own.
“It’s not that hard to figure out,” her mother said. Shizuru caught a small twinkle in her eye which she identified as one of the indications of true happiness in her mother. “You’ve been practically glowing since I came through the door. You’re either taking some drug, or you’re madly in love, and I know I’ve taught you better than to do any drugs…”
A small warmth spread to Shizuru’s cheeks as her mother was able to jump straight to the correct answer. Despite her best efforts, she was never able to hide anything from the woman. No point hiding back her giddiness any longer, then. She allowed a loving smile to creep across her face as her thoughts drifted to Natsuki and the fact that they were finally a couple. Allowing her happiness to show through in her eyes as they met her mother’s, she said, “It’s unbelievable, Mama. I’ve never felt this way before.”
Shizuru felt a pang of pride as she saw her mother’s face light up in happiness and one of her rare genuine smiles cross it. The happier she was for her daughter, the more likely she’d be able to take the news of just who her daughter was in love with well. “Isn’t it? I felt just the same way with your father when he first won me over, and it’s never quite faded away since.” She leaned forward, a grin on her face that echoed the one Shizuru used whenever she was in one of her mischievous moods, and said, “So. Tell me about this boy.”
And there it is. Shizuru figured her mother would have caught her slight flinch at the word “boy,” but doubted her mind would jump to the correct answer. With a deep breath, she plunged in, “Well, first of all… it isn’t a boy.”
Shizuru held her breath in anticipation of her mother’s response. The woman didn’t seem to ("too") fazed by the news, however. After only a moment, a small smile struck her face. “Ah, of course. So he’s a man then? That’s nice. Boys can be too unreliable when it comes to matters of the heart.”
Shizuru grimaced and sighed. Why did her mother have to force her to get this out twice? She steeled herself with another deep breath and made sure there could be no confusion this time. “No, Mama. It’s not a man, either. The person who holds my heart, who’s made me this happy, is a girl.”
Her mother stared back blankly for a long period. The only reaction from her was a series of rapid blinks, though her eyelids soon slowed to their normal pace. After a torturous wait, eventually she replied with a simple, “Oh.”
Shizuru tried to gauge her mother’s state of mind, but the woman was a blank slate to her. But even if she couldn’t read anything directly, she could still try to infer. If her mother were completely alright with this, she wouldn’t have withdrawn and would have shown her support. On the other hand, if she were completely against this, she would have tried to deny it or yelled or something – she could be prone to fierce rages when angered. So, her state of mind must have been somewhere in the middle. I think I can live with that. Even if she’s leaning negative, there’s a possibility of convincing her to accept this.
When nothing further seemed to be coming from her mother, Shizuru risked pressing her for more information on the state of her mind. “I hope you can understand, Mama, please…”
Her mother took a deep breath followed by a long sip of her tea. Eventually, she said, “So it’s a girl who you’re so deeply in love with that you’re practically glowing with happiness?”
Shizuru suppressed a wave of happiness. It wouldn’t do to seem overly cheerful at this comment, even though it did sound promising. She simply nodded in response, keeping her eyes respectfully lowered from her mother’s.
Another deep breath from her mother. “Then I’m happy for you,” she said, not without a trace of hesitance. “If this… condition allows you to be in love with someone who seems to be so perfect for you, then I’m happy for that as well.”
It wasn’t the most enlightened response possible, and she certainly still had some regrets about it, but she was trying to be okay with it and show that to her daughter. That was the part that really mattered. Shizuru let a smile cross her face to let her mother know that it was quite appreciated. “Thank you, Mama.”
Her mother seemed to be trying to decide something for a moment, but she quickly broke out into a grin. “Oh, come here, Shi-chan,” she motioned her arms out to her daughter, signaling that she intended to hug her. “I shouldn’t let my petty concerns stop me from simply being happy for you.”
Shizuru briefly thought of how long it had been since her mother had offered to hug her like that. It hadn’t been since she’d first left to Fuuka. They’d just never had a chance in private on her previous visits, and she wasn’t generally one for outward displays of emotion in any case. This all served to make it all the sweeter a gesture for her, and Shizuru certainly wasn’t going to begrudge her that. She got up and moved around the table to allow her mother to grip her in a loving hug.
As she broke from the hug, her mother’s last words finally sunk into Shizuru’s mind. “Um, Mama,” she said as she sat back down. “What concerns were you talking about?”
“Oh,” her mother said, reverting her expression back to her usual mask as she took a sip of her tea. “Just about how society might treat you for this… This kind of thing still isn’t very well accepted here, and…”
Shizuru nodded. She was aware of the potential issues, but she wasn’t in much of a state of mind to care about them presently. Still, it seemed like her mother still had something else on her mind. “‘And’…?” she prodded.
Another sigh, another sip of tea, another deep breath. “The day you were born, Shi-chan, was one of the happiest days of my life. Since you blossomed into a woman yourself, I’ve been hoping that you could experience that joy too, along with all the other joys that come from raising a child and seeing them mature. I guess you can see the problem this poses…”
Is that a blush on her face? Shizuru stared at her mother’s cheeks, but the pink tinge was gone, if it had ever been there in the first place. Pushing those thoughts out of her mind, Shizuru let her mind focus on what her mother had said. She’d never really considered having children herself; it seemed like she was still far too young. But if she ever did want to… then yes, there could be some problems.
Shizuru nodded at her mother. “Ara, I see what you mean, Mama,” she said. “There are still options, though, I think. We could always adopt, or there’s getting a sperm donor. Though I’m not really sure about that one; I couldn’t imagine having that kind of connection with anyone other than Natsuki…”
Her mother shook her head, and she reached out a hand to grasp one of Shizuru’s. “Don’t worry about that, Shi-chan. That’s just an old woman being a bit sentimental. You and ‘Natsuki’ can decide whatever you want to do yourselves in due time.”
“Right,” Shizuru said, bringing her other hand in to grasp her mother’s. “Thank you, Mama.”
“Now,” her mother said, her demeanor perking up and a twinkle forming in her eye. “Tell me about Natsuki.”
A smile split across Shizuru’s face. “Ara ara… where to begin…?”
A smile had been steadily spreading across her mother’s face throughout Shizuru’s story. Perhaps she was still a bit uneasy with her daughter dating a girl, but she seemed to be getting over it if she was. “She certainly sounds like quite the girl,” she said as her daughter finished up. She instinctively moved to take a sip of her tea, but her cup and the kettle had finally been drained. “For someone to be left on her own from such a young age and turn out so well, she must be very strong.”
“It hasn’t always been easy for her,” Shizuru admitted, reflecting on her recent conversation with Natsuki over their date. “She still feels the pain of not having a family sometimes. But she is strong, yes, so she gets by.”
Her mother gave a knowing smile. “I think you might have a big role in that as well, judging by what you’ve told me of your relationship with her. In any case, at this time, it would seem you’re playing the role of the closest thing to family she’s got.”
Shizuru thought of what she’d told Natsuki about her parents possibly taking the girl in and acting as a surrogate family. It seemed all the more likely now. If her mother was this accepting of their relationship; her father would be a piece of cake. Of course, things wouldn’t be able to move too quickly, but it was a nice future plan to work towards, and probably the closest thing to marriage she could get, barring a miraculous change in Japan’s marriage laws. With this thought in mind, she smiled and gave her mother a nod.
Checking her watch, but more likely thinking of the empty teacup, her mother regretfully stood up from the table. “Ara, it seems I’d better be off so I can catch my train home. It’s been quite a pleasure visiting you, Shi-chan.”
“You too, Mama.”
“Let me know when you’d like me to come up next. I’m really interested to meet this Natsuki of yours,” she said. Her choice of words implied to Shizuru that she was asking her daughter to let her know when Natsuki was ready to meet her.
“Of course, Mama,” Shizuru said, giving her mother a small smile. “I’m sure she’ll enjoy meeting you as well.” After she gets past all of her usual, so cute nervousness about facing the prospect, that is. Shizuru’s smile involuntarily widened at the thought of a nervous Natsuki blushing from the thought of meeting her parents.
Her mother caught the motion, and even if she didn’t know exactly what it meant, she acknowledged it with a quick wink. “I love you, Shi-chan,” she said as she started heading out.
“I love you too, Mama.”
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