If I Can't Be Yours (part 5 of 16)

a Neon Genesis Evangelion fanfiction by RocketBabe

Back to Part 4
Maya worked diligently and without cease until her 11.30 break. Her 
tasks for the morning were relatively uncomplicated, mostly entering and 
reformatting data, most of which she could do on autopilot. This gave 
her plenty of time to think. The effect of last night on her had been 
surprising. Her fellow technicians immediately noticed the difference in 
her from the previous few days, she had gone from being silent, 
depressed and intensely withdrawn to seeming distant, faintly bemused, 
but much happier. They took this to be an improvement but were still 
concerned for Maya's well being, she was usually much more open and 
talkative with them when she arrived at work. She however was oblivious 
to their shifty glances behind her back as she immersed herself further 
in the figures generated by her quick, skilled fingers.

She was still hurting from what Yoshimi had done and said to her, but 
last night _had_ made her feel undeniably better. She had felt safe and 
calm in the arms of her sempai, as if nobody had ever held her like that 
before. It just confused her that she could feel so strongly for someone 
so one- sidedly. She drew an almost bittersweet comfort from the fact 
that due to Ritsuko's position she would never have to tell her how she 
felt. She would almost certainly send the night at Ritsuko's again, 
assuming the offer remained open. The prospect of this in itself 
thrilled her in a way she thought it really shouldn't do, but last night 
she had seen another side of Ritsuko. A much less guarded person, one 
who existed as someone with a home and a life outside of the context of 
the high-ranking Nerv scientist Maya had known her as exclusively. The 
heightened sensation of being in love with one so wonderful as her 
sempai was indescribable, but her affections in such an inappropriate 
situation were much more of a curse than a blessing for Maya.

As usual at half past eleven she headed for the poky staff kitchen to 
make herself a mug of hot chocolate. Today Shigeru followed her in. She 
sighed, this usually meant there was going to be a line of questioning 
serving little purpose other than plying her for gossip. Today however 
he seemed much more tactful than usual and his intent wasn't immediately 
clear.

"Hey, how are you today? You arrived late, so I didn't get a chance to 
say hi." Maya smiled and replied politely but curtly

"I'm fine, thankyou." He raised an eyebrow.

"Really? Maya, how long have we known each other?" She shrugged.

"Too long?" she smirked at him and he grinned.

"Seven years, Maya. Long enough for me to know when all is not well in 
your world. I'm not going to force you to talk or anything like that, 
but you haven't been yourself for almost a week now and I, well, Hyuga 
as well, we're worried. We want to be here for you but God knows you 
don't make it easy." Maya snorted cynically then regarded him wordlessly 
for a moment. He shifted his weight, looking a little uncomfortable. "Is 
everything okay with Yoshi?" Maya turned away from him, praying he 
hadn't noticed her pained expression. She wanted to tell him, make the 
burden upon her own shoulders a little lighter but feared that once she 
began talking she wouldn't be able to stop until it was all out of her 
system. She knew however that her self-control was up to a little more 
than that. She decided she should at least set him straight on the 
status of her relationship, he might as well know.

"Yoshimi."

"Huh?"

"Yoshi is Yoshimi. He's a she." Calling upon every scrap of courage she 
possessed, she forced herself to look him confidently in the eye. He had 
reddened visibly but was doing a good job of reacting coolly.

"Oh." He paused for a second. "Guess Makoto loses that bet." Maya was 
faintly amused but mostly irked by this.

"You took bets on whether or not my partner was female?" She tried not 
to smirk again. There was something amusingly puerile about the fact 
they would do something like that.

"Well.yes. No money or anything, more of a dare I suppose." He shrugged 
and smiled apologetically.

"So what made you think.I mean, I never told you two, or anyone at 
Nerv." He cast his eyes to the floor.

"Takes one to know one I guess." Well that certainly wasn't what Maya 
had been expecting. She stared at him for much longer than she should 
have done, then realised that she hadn't said anything.

"Oh." She cleared her throat and smiled. "Sorry, I mean, heh, who'd have 
thought that two of us were." she drifted off. Shigeru pulled her into a 
gentle embrace. She hugged him back, glad of some friendly contact.

"It sucks when you break up, but you'll be a stronger person for it. You 
were too good for her anyway." She pulled away from him slightly.

"How did you." He shrugged.

"I was on a roll and took a shot in the dark?" He smiled sympathetically 
and gave her another squeeze. "Remember, I have a fold out couch at 
home, just the same as always, if you want to crash you're more than 
welcome. But no bringing girls back to mine, ya dyke." he winked and 
Maya let out a small giggle.

"Thankyou, for the offer, for everything. I have somewhere right now, 
but I don't know how long I'll be there for, but thankyou anyway." He 
gave her a slightly devilish grin.

"Someone else already? Who's the lucky roommate?" Maya felt herself 
blush.

"Umm, an acquaintance."

"Do I know them?"

"I doubt it."

"That's a yes! Go on, you can tell me.!

"Really, it's not-"

"Someone I know.hmmm, Katsuragi? Oh my, Makoto WILL be jealo-"

"Just drop it already!" She knew he was only playing and not meaning to 
upset her but she wasn't in the mood for it at that moment. "I'm sorry, 
but please, leave it." Her tone was not one to be argued with.

"OK, Maya, I'll drop it, sorry. Honestly, as long as you're happy and 
safe it doesn't worry me as much. But you mean a lot to me, you know 
that, and I'm here for ya." He smiled. "And there aren't many people I'd 
say that to, I have an image to keep up y'know?" She relaxed a little 
and managed a weak smile. "Say, you up for Karaoke with me and Hyuga on 
Friday?" She grinned widely.

"Aren't I always? But I'm not gonna sing, you know that." She winked at 
him.

"Suuuurrrre you're not." He double-winked back. "At least, not until 
you've finished your first pitcher."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

At 12.30 there was a tentative knock at the door. Her first thought was 
Misato but then, when did she EVER knock, never mind quietly? "Come in." 
She was a little surprised to see Lieutenant Ibuki shuffle into the 
room.

"Um, Dr Akagi, I brought you the printouts from the last synch tests and 
I made you a coffee." She smiled shyly, almost nervously as she placed 
the mug and papers down on her desk. She lingered a little before 
heading back out, without really realising she had paused with her gaze 
resting on the blonde woman.

"Is everything alright?" Maya jumped, the blonde woman hadn't even 
looked up.

"Umm, fine, yes, thankyou" She hurriedly went to leave but Ritsuko 
stopped her once again.

"Maya?"

"Yes, sempai?"

"That hotel you said you are staying in, did you check out?" Maya shook 
her head. "I didn't think so, I just don't really see that there's any 
point you being charged for nights you aren't sleeping there, that is, 
assuming you weren't planning upon returning tonight." Maya smiled, once 
again blushing furiously.

"You're right, I'll drop by there after work and pick up my clothes, I 
don't have much, only a suitcase, I left most of my stuff at her 
apartment." Ritsuko beamed back at her slightly more enthusiastically 
than she had planned on.

"So can I assume you'll be staying at my place for tonight as well?" 
Maya began to look steadily more flustered.

"Umm.well, I though, I mean, You said, well, if that's going to be, I 
mean, if I'm not, erm, thankyou, if you're sure you don't mind."

"I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it. Bring your things over 
from the hotel." She glanced at her watch and Maya noticed something 
slightly nervous about her demeanour, but didn't comment on it. "Anyway, 
I have work to do, I'll talk to you later." Her reluctance to let Maya 
leave gave a slight edge to her tone but Maya didn't seem to pick up on 
it. She simply nodded and left, closing the door quietly behind her. As 
she leaned against it on the other side, she did not even dare to 
suspect that Ritsuko was staring longingly after her on the other side. 
Maya took a few deep breaths and waited for her pulse to slow a little 
before heading back to her place on the bridge. She never failed to be 
amazed by how quickly and efficiently Ritsuko could switch between 
relaxed and professional moods, and it was just one more thing she 
admired her for.

Onwards to Part 6


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