There was a knock on the door - a soft, tentative knock. Jun drew a robe over her pajamas and left her tea on the counter. She walked over to the door. There was a time when she would have hesitated, worried. There was a time when she had lived in fear. "Hello?" she called out. There was a movement outside the door and a sharp noise, followed by a cry of pain. Jun wrenched the door open to see what was happening and was amazed to see the girl from the café the day before. Akami was holding her foot in one hand and bouncing in place, a grimace of embarrassment and discomfort distorting her young face. It was obvious that she had stubbed her toe against the doorjamb; Jun suppressed a grin. "I'm sorry!' she gasped and gingerly placed her foot on the ground. Jun watched in amusement as she limped in place. "I didn't mean to disturb you!" Jun couldn't help it - she laughed out loud. "That's what you said yesterday, too." Akami blushed angrily. "I was just...I was nearby and I thought..." "Why don't you come in?" Jun didn't disguise her entertainment at the girl's antics. Akami limped in behind Jun and stood uncertainly inside the apartment. "What a beautiful place," the girl said politely. Jun knew it was a lie - the apartment looked dumpy and worn. "Would you like some tea?" Jun gestured towards the kitchen. "I was just about to have some." "Thank you, that would be lovely." Akami stepped in, her head swiveling back and forth as she took in the decorations, the knickknacks...the scattered memories of an interrupted life. Jun waited until they were both seated at the low table, tea and snacks in front of them, before she inquired, "So, what brought you here today, Akami-san?" Her eyes lingered on the girl's face, her manner bolder that the previous day. There was no reason to run from herself any more. There was no reason to hide what she was from this girl. "I...was in the area, and..." Jun smiled tightly, "So you said." She wouldn't help. She wouldn't easily acquiesce to another's commands ever again. Akami's face turned that angry red once again, and she looked away. After a moment the girl's eyes widened, and her lips parted in a slight intake of breath. Jun turned her head to see what had elicited the reaction, and found that Akami was looking at a framed photo. Jun stood up and lifted it gently off the shelf. She dusted it with her sleeve, then turned back and handed it to the other woman. Akami stared down. "This is who you thought I was at first?" Jun nodded, sipping her tea. The photo had been taken by a friend, a photographer, at the height of her modeling career. She and Kazumi, back-to-back, smiling, pretending to be on a shoot together. Jun looked away until the tears that threatened had receded. "She's cute." Akami's voice was ironic. "Yes, she was." Jun answered. "Oh. I'm sorry." Akami laid the photo down gently. She seemed about to say something, but thought better of it. After a sip of her tea, her jaw set and she said, "I came by because I wanted to see you again." "Really?" Jun couldn't keep her voice cool; it was impossible with this girl. She had too much energy, too much possibility in her. "I'm glad." The blush returned to Akami's face. Not angry this time, or embarrassed. Jun could smell the excitement coming off the girl's skin and could feel her own body react to it. "I wanted to know more about you," Akami admitted, looking away. "You don't seem...well...I don't know. I thought you'd be more swaggering, or powerful, more confident. But you seem like a regular person. You seem so gentle." Jun stood abruptly and walked away, taking the teapot with her. Akami leapt to her feet, hand over her mouth. "I didn't mean that! I meant..." Jun turned back quickly, her hair whipping across angry eyes. "You meant that I don't seem like a monster?" Akami stepped back in the face of the older woman's quiet fury. "No! I mean yes! I mean," she took a shuddering breath and willed herself calm, "I mean that Jun-san seems like a nice person." Jun turned away, but now her voice *was* cold. "I'm not, though. I'm not nice at all." It hurt her to hurt the girl, but this was like every day she had lived through her whole life. People kept seeing in her things they wanted to see, not what was truly there. "Please, Jun-san, I didn't mean to offend you, I just wanted..." Jun turned around, a nasty smile on her face. "You wanted to what? To be in the presence of the woman who was a Devilman? Or was it the supermodel who you thought was cool?" Akami looked at her feet while Jun spoke. Her body shook, but she didn't answer. "You wanted what everyone always wanted from me – to bask a little in reflected glory, to use me, then cast me aside, to..." Jun choked on her words, vaguely aware that she was crying now. "To take from what would best suit you – a little fame, a story to tell your friends, maybe even, what, sex? Do you want that – to be able to say that you slept with Fudou Jun? Or maybe the Devilman Lady herself?" Jun leaned on the counter, suddenly exhausted. "I can't be that for you, Akami-san. I am consumed...my entire existence is consumed with the energy it takes just to be me." When Jun stopped speaking, she glared at the girl who was not Kazumi and waited for her to bolt. But Akami hadn't moved. She shook where she stood, her hands clasped tightly in front of her. Jun watched with annoyance, then surprise as she realized that girl was laughing. Akami lifted her eyes and her smile was so genuinely delighted that Jun's own mouth began to quirk, despite her irritation, despite her tears, despite her self-pity. "I'm sorry, I really am. What a horrible fool I've made of myself!" Akami's laughter abated, and she wiped at her face. "You're right – I was being selfish. I wasn't thinking clearly at all. Can you forgive me?" Jun ducked her head and turned away to reheat the water. Why hadn't Akami run? Why wasn't she scared? What did she want? "I was just star-struck, I guess," Akami continued. "I knew about Devilman Lady and I forgot, I guess, how much it cost you to be that." The girl turned her head towards the photo on the table. "You lost her in the Fall, didn't you?" Jun made a non-committal noise. "I lost my lover too." Jun's head whipped up at the so-casual admission. Akami hadn't turned back, but spoke looking over her shoulder. "She wasn't like you - she was dark and soft, like nighttime. They took her away in the first roundup." Jun's hand clenched into a fist. "She was like, like...a wolf. The first time she changed, we were both so frightened. And then the army came and we were separated and I never saw her again. I tried to find her - I prayed that she had survived, but..." she turned back to Jun, unanswerable questions in her eyes. Jun let the silence lengthen until it was unbearable. What could she say to comfort the girl? That God hadn't been listening, because she had been preoccupied with causing it all in the first place? "Kazumi," she grated out the name, "didn't change until almost the very end." "But you saved the world for her, didn't you?" Jun nodded. Akami took a few steps towards the older woman. "I guess you don’t realize, because no one ever told you before, but you're not the only one like you." Akami's voice was gentle, as if Jun was the child here. "You're not the only woman to want a woman...you're not the only one to have lost everything in the Fall...you're just the woman that saved us all." Jun laughed despite herself. "That's all?" Akami smiled bitterly. "No, but you're not alone." Jun grabbed the boiling water off the flame and refilled the pot. Gesturing towards the table, she walked past the girl and seated herself. "You think you understand," Jun said quietly. "And I appreciate that. But you don't. You can't." She didn't say, "You can never understand what Asuka did to me." Akami put a hand out and gripped Jun's robe. "That woman, that woman who became the angelic creature, what did she do to you?" Jun stared at the girl. Could she read minds? "She made me." Akami didn't blink. "She was the cause of everything – we know that now. She made us all. What did she do to *you* that she didn't do to the rest of us?" The girl's tone was sharper, more pitiless, perhaps, than she intended. Jun looked at her hand, which was clenched around her refilled cup. "She did it all for me. So I could rule over hell for her." Jun looked up and met Akami's eyes. Akami let go of Jun's sleeve and covered her mouth with her hand. Jun looked hard at Akami and let her have it. *You want to know what she did? Well, I'll tell you, little-girl-who-is-not-Kazumi.* It was her turn to speak without pity. "She made me her dog. She made me kill the first woman who had ever loved me, and all the women who had loved me since. I killed a businessman who had been fired and was desperate for his family. I killed innocent people by not being around to save them. Three men died because they believed that they loved me. Kazumi died because she did love me – all because Asuka wanted me to reign over hell for her, so she could be the queen of heaven." And she let Akami see the horror of it all in her eyes. "Oh god." Akami's broken voice was a mere whisper. "You think," Jun continued remorselessly, "you thought I was cool, because you didn't understand what I was. I wasn't just another beast. I was human – all that time. I knew what pain felt like, what killing smelled like, what the cries of mourning sounded like. My body was strong, but my will was so weak, I couldn't stop. Night after night I came to Asuka's whistle. I had to kill her to free myself." Jun closed her eyes. *There, now you know. Your adolescent fantasies blown away by the truth of a weak, ugly, horrible life.* Jun didn't move when Akami's arms encircled her. Or when the younger woman stroked her hair. It wasn't until she said, "My poor Jun," that the last wall of resistance cracked and she laid her head on Akami's chest and cried. "How alone you've been," Akami whispered into her hair. "And no one knew – we all thought you were a hero." Jun kept crying until the tears simply stopped coming and the shaking was over and all that was left was a horrible rawness, and that cinnamon-pepper scent in her nostrils. Jun fell asleep a moment later, carried away by a fatigue she hadn't known she felt. Akami let her sleep for a little while, then lowered the other woman's form to the ground. She left silently a moment later.
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