A Love that is Mine 7
Admin Note: Minor corrections by Nutzoide.
I will not call you my first love.
I will not call you this because to say that you are first implies that
there will someday be another, and there never could be. Yes, I know we
are young, you more so than I, and that logic would say that our chances
to last are incredibly slim even if our circumstances were more normal.
Well logic has nothing to do with it and we are anything but.
I wasn't always like this though. Before I met you and before I joined
the squadron, I always thought myself a complete person in myself. I was
the pride of the Suomus air force, the one that was strongest and had
the highest success ratio, and if I was alone it did not seem too
strange to me, those around me just could not keep up or adjust to my
pace.
Ever since I met you I have been made increasingly aware that what I
thought of as whole before is nothing of the sort. Although I can live
and function just fine on my own, I am but a me-shaped half that needs
to be united with a you to be whole, complete. It isn't that long ago,
yet I can't remember anymore what my reason for living was, before you.
Everything was made new, made different, the day you came.
I've done quite a lot in my life you know, seen and experienced many
really amazing and beautiful things. I have seen the world covered in
gleaming white frost as thick as the width of my hand during the first
rays of morning light up north, and I have heard the cracking ice sing
in early spring. I have flown through the aurora borealis, the air
crackling around me and ribbons of coloured light twisting across the
skies like serpents. I have even flown through one of the greater
thunderstorms of recent years, up through and above clouds so violently
and rapidly erupting in blue arcs of power that not even my shields
would have been enough if my special ability had failed to guide me
through.
Yet I had never seen anything so beautiful as when you turned towards me
and our eyes met. Breathless I fell into those brilliantly green eyes
and I am falling still, I will never return from this world of only you.
If asked I couldn't say how or why, but I know that I must have
completely ignored the welcoming speeches of our superior officers to
just materialise in front of you the way I did, holding your hand and
dazedly introducing myself as if we were the only ones there. At least
your reaction was similar, you surrendered your slender hand into mine
and left it there, shyly whispering your name in that sweet soft voice
of yours while appearing to stare as deeply into my eyes as I did into
yours.
From what I was told later it took several not at all discrete attempts
to get us break out of this mutual spell we were under and step apart,
allowing for the introductions to continue. You remained fairly close by
my side during it, and when certain of our more boisterous team-mates
attempted one of their usual playful advances towards you I chased them
off with a bit more fervour and anger than strictly necessary.
I was declared your protector right then, mere hours after our first
meeting, and it was made my responsibility to take care of you and make
sure you made yourself at home at our base. It was an assignment I took
on most gladly, I doubt I would have left your side then even if you had
been supposed to go with someone else, and from the way I found you
clutching the edge of my uniform jacket when you thought I was going to
leave I would say the sentiment was mutual.
Oh how much ribbing I took from our friends back then, for my obvious
infatuation and my generally goofy behaviour around you. The favourite
trick played on me at the time was to get me riled up enough to start
ranting about you, and then someone would look over my shoulder and
pretend to greet you. I fell for that every single time.
Thankfully the sight of the two of us together soon became common enough
a thing that other amusement was found, and newer recruits to our
squadron were focused on instead. We were allowed to simply grow
together in peace for a while.
Then a special event came, one that had our superiors rather agitated
but that it turned out we could not avoid; a formal event where a number
of military men high up in the hierarchy of the joint forces were to
visit the base along with their aides. The technical aspect would have
been troublesome enough for the squadron, and while that part did not
involve you or I as we were on night duty our friends were kind enough
to make sure we knew what an annoyance it had been afterwards.
The real problem the way our team-mates saw it was the formal dinner and
dancing that was being forced upon us despite the strenuous protests of
our leaders. I suspect that for those that were opposed to our squadron
it was an excellent opportunity to attempt to humiliate us, to say that
as we are female and young we should be grateful and eager to provide
entertainment for the men that were the true soldiers of this war. For
those more benign to our existence the request was undoubtedly perceived
as harmless, as a bit of fun on our part as well as theirs, and so there
was no getting out of it.
One of the reasons we are such a successful squadron, aside from the
number of unusual and incredibly strong abilities present, is that we
have a commanding officer that while deceptively sweet and agreeable on
the surface is a very shrewd and cunning woman. She ordered us to arrive
at the dinner in full dress uniform with all the paraphernalia.
Finding themselves seated next to straight-backed and stern-looking
soldiers in the kind of uniform to make them feel underdressed, with
scarcely a trace of daintiness in sight if anyone could see beyond the
shine of all those medals on display, the soldiers we were seated with
were just too uncomfortable to make much attempt at conversation. You
were the only one among us to wear a dress, simply because you did not
have any official dress uniform and what you wore was what had come to
be regarded as your version of a uniform. You were just too cute to be
safe among all those ogling men, thankfully though our superior officers
had convincingly argued to put the two youngest of our squadron wedged
in between themselves, thus keeping you at a safe distance from any
unwanted attention during dinner.
As for myself I was seated with a young man who took one long look at me
and then steadfastly did not look up from his plate. He greeted me as I
sat down, pulling out my own chair thank you, and then never spoke to me
again. I could not blame him for being intimidated by me, I wore my
dress uniform cut and pressed to perfect crispness, and though I have
less medals and other bells and whistles than our resident aces, I still
have an impressive collection upon my chest, all polished to a blinding
shine. His own decorations were quite modest and drab by comparison, and
wisely he opted not to make a nuisance out of himself.
With the dinner being such a strained and subdued affair it was no
wonder that when the music started and the dancing was supposed to
begin, there was uncomfortable shuffling but no real movement. Well, I
was all dressed up to kill and polished to shine, I was not about to let
this opportunity pass me by.
Back straight and chin high I marched up to you, clicked the heels of my
polished boots and bowed, doing my level best to be absolutely dazzling
as I asked you for a dance. You blushed so prettily when you said yes,
and I could not have cared less who watched as I took your hand and we
moved across the floor in a waltz.
I'm told our friends took our cue, getting up to dance with one another
and that way thwarting any unwanted attention from our guests, but at
the time I noticed none of that. We danced without stopping until the
music at last died down, and a couple of fellow soldiers of Suomus came
up to us to slap my back and exchange a few words in greeting before
leaving the base.
That night we shared a bed for the first time.
How shy and awkward we were, and how I struggled not to stare at your
beautiful pale skin as you undressed. It seems so silly now, how the
mere act of going to sleep together was a big deal for us then, although
I am grateful that after an evening of holding you in my arms I was not
prepared to let you go for such a trivial reason as sleep. Who knows
when I would have worked up the courage to invite you to sleep in my
arms otherwise.
We both came up with all kinds of excuses or reasons to sleep together
as often as we could from that moment on. It became a more and more
frequent thing, to wake up to find you having crawled into bed with me,
and finally we gave up pretending the night after we saw one of our
leaders hospitalised. It had been a trying and unsettling day, and there
was just no energy left for pretences. I invited you to stay the night
permanently, and you happily accepted before fitting yourself so
perfectly into my arms, all warm and soft and sweet like my precious
personal version of heaven.
You brought with you your black pillow and your favourite cuddly toy,
yet neither ever made it into bed with us as you needed neither another
pillow nor something to cuddle with when you slept in my arms, your head
on my shoulder and our arms wrapped around one another.
In the tumultuous few days that followed before our squadron was
forcibly disbanded, we shared our first kiss.
The only thing really surprising about it I suppose was the fact that it
had taken us so long to get to that point, but then again our...
courtship, if I might consider it that, has been a slow and steadily
building thing. Why would I ever not want to take my time with you?
Our first kiss happened in bed, we had retired for the night yet neither
of us were ready to sleep just yet. I was leaning over you, supported on
one arm with the other wrapped around you, while you held onto me with
one hand gently caressing my face. Our kiss was long, slow and tender,
and very much a mutual thing. Passion would come later, and kisses so
intense they sent my world reeling and toes curling, but for that night
it was all tenderness, complete and perfect.
A few days later the base that had been home to us lay in ruins and our
team was sent scattering to the winds.
You had no home to return to, your country still occupied and ravaged by
the enemy and the location of your parents still unknown to us. Who
knows where those in charge would have carted you off to if they had
been given the chance to?
We did not give them that chance. We belong together you and I, and so
of course I brought you with me when I was sent back home. It is a good
home, you'll see, and I'm sure you will come to like it here. We will
share it and it will be just ours.
Our home.
While I can't promise you that the hard times are over or that we will
get to grow old together, there is one thing I can swear to you, a truth
I know above all else in this world:
I am yours, and I will love you forever.
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