Italic – for thoughts.
Italic and underline – for Yaya’s written lines.
Bold – for shouting.
Underline – for Yaya’s mouthed lines.
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Yaya: My lingering pains
My heart was still frantically beating even after I had closed the dorm room behind myself. Tossing the notebook somewhere, I rushed to get a fresh set of clothes and a towel. Along I brought an unused bandage and some disinfectant that the nurse gave me for my cut. I then walked into the bathroom, turning on the shower after I had unwrapped the old bandage on my wrist.
I found myself recollecting most of the day with Tsubomi-chan. I particularly found my mind lingering about what had happened just a few minutes ago…
I had just asked Tsubomi to go out with me again sometime. I felt my heart racing happily as she agreed, blushing as she nodded. Then I found myself doing something unexpected… I cupped her face gently with my hands soon after I had slipped my notebook into the bag.
‘A good first date deserves a kiss right?’ I thought… She looked surprised at the touch. And I could see her blush deepen a few tones as I brought myself closer to her.
‘Her lips look quite delicious right now…’ I drew closer slightly…
Her eyes softly closed, she seemed to have realized my intent and decided to make it romantic…
Ten inches… nine inches… eight inches… seven… I found myself pausing my advance…
‘This isn’t right… Tsubomi-chan likes Hikari. Sure she has even less chances of getting her than I do… but that’s really not the point is it?’ I examined her face, ‘she’s waiting for me to kiss her… I want to kiss her… But no matter how cute she is, how easy she is to figure out and play with… she’s not Hikari is she… this isn’t love. Not for either of us. We sort of… caught each other in the rebounded of love.’
I resumed my approach, softly turning her face ever so slightly, before quickly wrapping my arms around her. She gasped softly to my touch and slightly jumped at the light but audible sound of my lips swiftly kissing her cheek. She let out a low sigh of disappointment but returned the hug.
‘Thank you Tsubomi. And for now… I’m sorry.’ I know she couldn’t possibly have heard me. But at least, hopefully with the hug I could somehow pass the message in my heart.
The hug ended after a few minutes. I confidently recall pulling away. I could tell I was blushing as badly as she was, I did not need to see of feel my face to tell that I was, the incredibly fast beating of my heart was more than enough to inform me of it. I quickly picked up my notebook from the bag before handing it to her. I smiled and wave as I turned to the door and opened it and waved goodbye. Not looking back, thinking that if I did I would have run back into her arms and kissed her right there and then, Kami-sama knows I need it.
The stinging of my wrist brought me back from re-collective daydream. ‘I probably stayed too long.’ I quickly dried off, a few drops of blood found it’s way on my towel but it was fine… it’s not as bad as yesterday’s bleeding. I had heard Hikari over the door, but I couldn’t really respond. Carefully I used the disinfectant on the wound before wrapping my wrist in the fresh bandage. I then slipped on to a fresh batch of clothes, which consisted of a red tank top and blue jean shorts, before binding the towel on my long still very moist hair.
When I walked out of the bath I found Hikari standing a little suspiciously in the middle of the room. I smiled and waved at her, and walked over and sat on my bed where my notebook was. I opened it and wrote: “Welcome Back Hikari. How was your day?” showed her and kept smiling while my mind began thinking. ‘She came in minutes after I did. I wonder if she saw us… I hoped not. It was a good thing that I didn’t go thru with the kiss… who knows how long it could have lasted.’ I tried my best not to look the least bit guilty. And so far I think I could control it.
She talked about her date… she seemed to have had quite some fun. She had mention that she was in town too. I feared that she might have seen me with Tsubomi already and she’s just not telling me yet. I was really nervous about it. I’m quite sure my legs were shaking and I was doing some odd gestures with my hand that I can’t quite remember. She didn’t seem to notice, or she didn’t mention it if she did… I hoped it was the first.
Thankfully she made no mention of seeing me… she asked where I went. I told her; “I went to the hospital for my appointment, walked around town, a local café, to a movie, walked around town some more before going back to the dorms.” I kept out the fact that I had Tsubomi accompany me most of the day. I wasn’t lying… Technically speaking, after all everything I’ve told her was the truth. I just kept it simple and the fact is she only asked me where I went not what I did there and who I was with at the time. So yeah technically I’m not lying.
She talked a bit, she talked about the movie she and Ootori had seen a while ago. She seemed happy about their relationship, I’ll try not to spoil things for them. I told her I watched the horror movie. She commented about not coincidentally meeting each other there. I laughed silently, but deep inside I was glad we didn’t.
I then remembered that I still had a lot of work to do, so I told her that I should get to work so I could catch up with the rest of the class. She nodded and offered to make me some tea, I could only nod and smile to accept and thank her offer. She seemed to be getting used to us talking like this…
After taking off the wet towel that wrapped around my hair and setting it among my other laundry. I began taking out some notebooks and textbooks from my book bag. I set them out in an order of favorite and easy subjects first so that I could be done with them quickly and move to the least favorite and harder subjects. I was just about to finish the easiest subject when Hikari came back with steaming cup of Earl Grey tea and a small saucer of sweet butter biscuits. I smiled and thanked her, writing that I was feeling hungry just about now and that this should help me last till dinner time. She smiled, just sat on my bed for a bit while I returned my attention to studying.
I was writing my English speech essay when I noticed that Hikari seemed to be in a daze… I ignored it for now. Maybe she’s just thinking. When I was done with my essay I moved on to math. Again I noticed that Hikari still seemed to be in a daze and was staring at me. I took the time to take a sip of the now slightly warm tea and eat some of the sweet butter biscuits while sparingly watching her from the corner of my eyes. I resumed my studying noting to myself that I should take the time and check if she was watching me.
By the time I was just about done with most of my work I had learned that she had stared at me the whole time. From the way I wrote, to drinking tea, to eating the biscuits, to stifling a yawn… ‘What is she up to?’ I thought. I guess this is how a gold fish feels. I know I tend to look at her a lot too but I don’t stare at her like this… well not since a long… long… long time ago… It was then that a thought popped into my head. I could tease her a bit… Maybe even stir her unconscious desire for me… I tried to hold back a mischievous internal laugh as well as the real one.
I closed the last text and note books softly and opened my special notebook and stared back at her. She didn’t seem to notice yet. So I decided to wait until she does. A few minutes later… she blinked several times. I took it as my cute as to have realized that I was staring back at her. I wrote; “Hikari… why were you staring at me?”
She inched back a bit, clearly caught of guard and wasn’t ready to be teased, though I have to note that she looked a little happy. She began to stutter out words, some that didn’t make sense… like random syllables stuck together. “I… uhh… umm…”
Oh my… She’s just so cute… she was blushing, stuttering, and seemed completely oblivious that I was teasing her. ‘And I’ve just began.’ Or so I thought. I had intended to tease her about it wasn’t to late if she wanted to be my girl, she had just began going out with Ootori anyway. But what I was thinking was so far off from what I wrote down…
“You have Ootori-sama now. She’s pretty big catch, you most likely wouldn’t need to cheat. But if you did you really shouldn’t go for someone like me.” I quickly showed it to her… and regretted it. It was bad enough that she was Ootori’s… And now I just sealed it. I didn’t know what made me write that… my first guess is guilt that still lingered after stealing her first kiss. That or I was guilty of cheating on her, sure I mean we weren’t together… but technically I cheated on my love for her by going with Tsubomi today. Dozens of thoughts quickly passed thru my head… my smile was still there but was neither of mischief nor happiness, it was a fake smile that I had learned to held to hide how I really felt hundreds and thousands of times before.
But then Hikari suddenly said in a loud shaky voice; “How can you say that! Yaya-chan you’re special to me too! You’re… you’re…”
Honestly… I was shocked. I knew that Hikari was a nice and sweet girl. Deep inside me I know that she had already forgiven me for what I’ve done over a week ago. But one thing that I thought I’d never be for Hikari was someone special. Sure I was her best friend, but I believed that someone could have taken my place… someone else could have been her best friend and treated her just like I had during the past year.
The smile I had forced slowly melted… I looked straight at her she was slightly shaking like she was going to cry at any time now. I was happy beyond words… had I not been mute at the moment I’d probably be stuttering her name right now. I wrote; “Thank you… Hikari.” I failed to notice when I smiled… but it felt right.
As soon as she glanced on the paper, Hikari launched herself from my bed and headed right at me. I let go of the notebook, dropping it to the floor, thinking it would hurt one or both of us if it stays in the way. She wraps her arms around my waist and buries her face on my tummy. She was crying, I could hear her softly sobbing and I could feel her tears on my skin moistening the thin fabric of my red tank top. I allowed one of my hands to slowly brush her hair soft blonde brown hair while using my other hand to wipe of a tear drop that threatened to fall, but this felt right… being with Hikari like this. I know it’s a selfish dream, to want her for myself… but I guess that’s what it means to love. But letting go of something you love is also love. And right now… the one I love is someone I should let go.
‘But for now, I’m going to cherish this moment for all it’s worth.’
Neither of us moved much. The only sounds that could be heard in the room was Hikari’s soft sobbing which had died down a few notches over the pass half hour, some small sniffles from both of us and my hand brushing her hair.
‘I’m sorry Hikari… for making you cry again.’ I truly felt sorry for what I did… and growing more guilty of something else. What if she does fall for me? Sure I’d love that but… she still loves Amane… then this would be very painful… for both of us and possibly the third party, Amane. I’d rather suffer this lost love alone rather than sharing it with her. Hikari shouldn’t go thru that. I don’t think her sweet and sensitive heart can take that kind of pain.
I continued to slowly brush her hair with my hand, cherishing what could possibly the last time I would hold her this close and familiarly. Promising myself… ‘For Hikari… this will be the last time.’
She slowly stirred up, her arms slowly withdrawing, setting them on her lap… And just in time as well. I was starting to fear my resolve to uphold the promise I made to myself was crumbling. She looked up at me with her slightly redden eyes that looked a bit puffed up, nothing cool water and a short amount of rest wouldn’t solve. She was smiling, I couldn’t come up with any reason as to why… but she is still very, very cute.
“Yaya-chan…” she gently whispered.
I tilted my head slightly to acknowledge her soft call. “Yes?” I said with my lips. And for what seemed like forever… she just stared at me with the soft smile in her lips.
Our moment of serenity was cut short when a very audible knock came from our room’s door. Snapping out of her serene daze Hikari turns away from me, with a tiny blush from her face. “Yes, I’m coming.” She stood as she answered the door rising from the now warm spot on the floor which held her delicate body this passed hour.
I could say that I was a little saddened that our little moment was interrupted. But I was also very much relieved. ‘Hikari… I will try to be strong, for both of us.’ She didn’t see it nor did she need to. It was another promise to myself. A difficult and painful one…
I watched Hikari answer the door. I couldn’t see who it was yet, but my guess was one of our juniors or someone from the choir. It was rare that our classmates would visit our room. But then again it could be Nagisa-chan and Tamao-san or even Tsubomi but seeing her here would be a little unlikely after what happened hours ago.
“Good Evening Sempai. This is Nanto-Onee-… Nanto-sempai’s room am I correct?” said the visitor, I was sure she almost used ‘Onee-sama’ after my name. I leaned on my chair to get a better view of the person by the door.
“Yes it is.” Said Hikari, her voice was polite yet somehow I picked up a tiny hint of what seemed to be annoyance in her voice. But I could be wrong… No! I have to be! Hikari isn’t like me. I laughed inwardly at the insulting feeling from the comment I gave myself.
“A package was delivered for her just now. Sister Mamasaka asked me to call her to pick it up in her office.” said the girl outside the door.
‘Package?’ I thought for a moment… ‘I mom would have sent a letter or called if she sent… OH!’ I then remembered all those I items I bought from the art supply store a while ago.
Quickly picking up my notebook and wrote a few words of gratitude to the messenger, who blushed as she saw me. She stiffened and stood straight and quickly said “Th-that wi-wii-will beeeeall. Th-th-thank youforyourtime.” She stuttered quite a lot and bowed and turned bowing hitting her head on the door.
“OW…” she rubbed her head for a short moment and blushed even harder.
‘Ouch… that had to hurt.’ I thought as I moved over to Hikari’s side, who just stood there. I didn’t have time to look at Hikari’s expression, I was worried about the silly and nervous blue haired junior who was kneeling on the floor holding her head in pain gargling an odd mix of ahs and ows.
I knelt in front of the young girl and gently placed my hand on her chin, which resulted into a almost loud, nervous, squealing gasp from said junior. With my other hand, I took hold of her hand that was covering the bump on her head and set it out of the way.
“Onee-sama?...” She blushed harder which made me smile quite broadly inside. ‘She did want to say sama… hehehe. I think my head is getting big. I guess this is what most Miator students feel after being called Onee-sama. hahaha…’ I couldn’t believe how happy I felt from just that… maybe I’m in the wrong school.
With the same hand I gently checked her head for any signs of an open wound, taking great care not to let her feel any pressure from my hand. Seeing none I gave her a soft smile while patting her shoulder then quickly wrote: “There isn’t any cut. You should get some ice for that before it gets swollen.”
She just stared at me for a moment, her blush changing to an even darker hue. “Y-y-yes… I wi-will… Th-thank you.” Her stuttering was cute. I had often liked walking around the campus looking for girls like her to tease before I had met Hikari.
Bowing properly this time she said goodbye and walked down the hall heading down even though see seemed stiffly nervous. Come to think of it… It was almost dinner time, I had better get those packages. I closed the door to find Hikari just standing there staring at the door in one of her dazes. Usually I’d tease her about it right now. But it’s such a hard task now, not that I should tease her anymore. Especially after that mishap just an a while ago.
I wrote: “I’ll be heading to Sister Mamasaka’s office to pick up my package or packages.” and waved the notebook in front of her to get her to snap out of her daze.
She backed away from it a bit an act I’m quite sure was an instinct of caution and dodge the notebook from hitting her face. It wasn’t until she saw the contents of the page did she have any real reaction.
“Ah! I’ll come with you. Incase you need help.” She said which I nodded to as I opened the door for us. If I had my voice I’d tell her I could handle it on my own. I bet she had figured it was heavy or there was a lot… probably because if it wasn’t the messenger could have just brought it with her. I didn’t bother arguing with Hikari. Instead I decided to relish what time together we could have.
We picked up my packages from the sister’s office by the entrance of the dorm. Now that I had actually bought them did I realize that there was a lot, compared to how I looked at them before and after paying. But oh well!... I let Hikari carry the lighter ones which I assume was the sketchbooks, some paint and brushes. We carried them up to our room. She later found out what was inside the packages and asked why I had bought a lot of them. I answered that I had always wanted to try taking up painting and that now seemed like a good chance to get on it.
After all that, the two of us headed down for dinner. Tsubomi ate beside us and was unusually noisy, which I deemed she was either extremely nervous being near me after I had hugged and kissed her cheek a few hours ago or she was making up for what noise I couldn’t make thanks to my current condition… but right now I’m not quite sure which one of the two I’d like better. Hikari seemed quiet then, more than usual at least… I’m beginning to wonder what was wrong. Unfortunately maybe it’s best that I sit back for now and deal with it when she needs me. Now isn’t exactly the best time for me and her to have a heart to heart talk. I’m quite sure my resolve to keep my hands off her isn’t strong as I want it to be yet.
Dinner ended without incident. I’m not counting Tsubomi’s unusually noisiness, Hikari’s silence and the unshakable feeling that some girls were watching me… Yes… more than one. I could oddly distinctly feel Ootori’s gaze, I don’t know why but her stare felt different… if I have to describe it, it feels… ‘manly.’ The others felt like curiosity, I’d bet a lot of them were wondering if it’s true that I had lost my voice… too bad it’s not easily proven.
We headed back up to our room after eating. Hikari had immediately decided to take a bath before bed time. I on the other hand had nothing to do now that I had somehow finished my homework already. So instead I proceeded to organize the art supplies that I had bought. I decided to keep the paints, canvas and easel inside its box for now. It was too late at night to start painting anyway. I started sketching, anything that came to mind… anything except Hikari.
When Hikari exited the bath, I had to pinch myself to not stare. She’s just too beautiful. She wore one of her soft yellow colored pajamas, it was a little on the childish side… but it was her unique charm that made her even more beautiful… it’s almost a crime to look at her and not to look at her. And I’m not quite sure which one I’d rather be in for. She sat down on her bed after plugging her hairdryer.
I had filled a few pages with some random drawings. Some animals, plants and even our door, this was mainly trying to test how well I can still draw since I haven’t drawn seriously since enrolling here in this school. Not that I didn’t want to draw anymore… lets just say I was too preoccupied.
I checked the clock and saw it was getting late. I closed my sketchbook and opened my notebook then wrote; “It’s getting late, I’m going to sleep ok? Good Night Hikari.” and showed it to her. To which she nodded and began to clear her things. Especially the hair dryer she had used just moments ago.
In no time we were both in bed with only the lamp on her side of the room that is still left on. “I’ll turn off the lights, alright?” she didn’t have to ask really, but I smiled and nodded anyway.
Laying back on my bed, covered by a thin breathing blanket and my soft pillow on my head I found myself slowly drifting of to sleep.
“…”
“an…”
“ya-chan…”
“yaya-chan” I slowly opened my eyes upon realizing that I was in fact hearing a familiar soft voice of my roommate and not groggily dreaming of her. She was kneeling beside my bed, shaking my arm which was still underneath my blanket. What time it was didn’t matter really, though I’m sure had I had my voice I’d ask her by now. I sat up and turn on the lamp on my side of the bed and almost reached for my notebook but her hand stopped me.
“Yaya-chan…” She looked at me while hugging her pillow in one hand… with her slightly teary eyes, her voice shook in fear of something which was obvious to me now that I noticed the hand that held mine was shaking. “…I had a very scary nightmare. Would it be alright if I slept beside you?”
My mind went blank for a second… this wasn’t the best thing for me. But my protective instincts for Hikari kicked in and I found myself nodding and scooting over to one side of the bed making space for her with me in my single bed. She got on the bed and under the now shared blanket after placing her pillow beside mine. She turned the lights off for me as soon as she was ready. While I on the other hand turned towards the wall and tried to sleep on my side with my back behind her.
I was nervous… had Ootori not been part of this love equation, this sleeping together would be a very welcome request from Hikari and possibly a chance to look good for Hikari. But now this was torment for so many reasons.
“Yaya-chan?” I stirred and turned my head enough to see her. “Could you face this way?... please?” she pleaded. She looked for vulnerable right now. I could say the same for my resolve and sanity… but I suppose I should do as she wants, she’d probably suspect and worry about me if I refuse. Not to mention she would most likely be saddened if I decided not to do as she asks. So I turned to face her and smiled.
“Thank you! Yaya-chan.” She said as she suddenly places one hand over my waist while the other took hold of right hand. I was surprised about it and couldn’t help but stiffen to the touch. She had her eyes closed already, and started to drift into sleep. I on the other hand had a little trouble doing so… It’s not that I didn’t like sleeping with Hikari. I’ve dreamed of this quite a few times before. But now that it had actually and that I couldn’t really do anything else but actually sleep… made me a little depressed.
There was another reason that sleep didn’t seem so easy. It seems that Hikari while asleep possessed rather… active hands. Her right hand which was on and half way on bottom from my waist, and was tracing the garter of my panties in the most enticing and mind numbing ways. I told myself I should probably warn Ootori about it if I ever forgive her, but even if I don’t she’ll find out anyway.
I had taken her hand off my bottom quite few times, only for it to return a few minutes later. ‘I’ll never get to sleep.’ Sure maybe I was exaggerating a bit, after all given different circumstances… this would be heavenly. And not falling a sleep for a while would be a small price to pay to have her like this at my side.
I could feel my body warm up to her unconscious ‘attention’. I could feel my cheeks warm up so much I felt dizzy, my nether regions were feeling quite warm and moist, had I not been mute I swear I would be moaning quite loudly right now… I didn’t realize I was so sensitive to sensual touch. I was beginning to fear where this would lead. But thankfully I soon drifted into a deep sleep before my mind went crazy.
The next day… I felt something incredibly warm and slightly heavy on myself. I wanted to open my eyes, but felt so tired I decided not to mind whatever it was that was so close and warm. I slowly came to realize that this warm thing had spread it’s influence and was directly touching my skin. A minute later I realize those ‘influence’ where arms and they were under my tank top and gently cupped the sides of my breasts.
“Yaya-chan” Upon hearing my name, my eyes flew open in surprise and saw Hikari lying on top of myself with her hands under my tank top. Which by the way made me blush so hard. I screamed out of instinct and surprise. But of course it wasn’t any good, after all I had no voice right now... a fact that I failed to remember at that moment.
I calmed down after a few seconds of pointless silent screaming. Hikari wasn’t really a very heavy sleeper, but she’s not easy to wake up either if she doesn’t feel like waking. “Yaya-chan… that tickles…” she mumbled in her sleep. Something I didn’t expect from her but it is cute. ‘I wonder what she’s dreaming of right now…’ I found my mind wandering for a bit. It was Sunday morning, Hikari liked sleeping in on Sundays. A fact that made me dread the long possible time I’d have to spend underneath her this morning. Not wanting to go insane, I decided to slip away from under her and setting her gently down on the bed before tucking her in.
A bath seemed tempting right now, but as soon as I was out of the bed and away from Hikari’s grasp the room’s air felt a little cold. It was still dark, probably before sunrise… which for some reason I wanted to watch this morning. I took out a blue jean jacket, that just happened to match my shorts, from my dresser and put it on over my top. I picked up my notebook and exited the room quietly after leaving a short note for Hikari in case she wakes up early.
Outside was even colder enough to make me wish I had worn pants instead, but I didn’t let the temperature bother me too much. It was still dark and I was surprised to see quite a few students up and about already. What made it even stranger was because it was a Sunday. Then again some people are stricter about their daily routine than most. From where I stood I could see a few girls joggling around the dorm’s property together. In another spot I found some girls carrying bokkens and shinais, most likely they members of the kendo club.
One girl caught my eye for a moment, she was the girl that passed the message about my packages last night. She was being taught by the tall black haired girl in the white and red hakama. She’s quite famous and cool in her own way, but not enough to rival ‘the prince’ and the current etoile. I was watching for a while, I then noticed that the girl from yesterday suddenly froze and didn’t move… it took me a while to notice that she was looking at my direction. I turned around to see if anyone else was there but found no body. ‘Oh don’t tell me… I actually have fans around here…’ I found myself mentally kicking myself for forgetting the not so subtle hint from her when she called me ‘onee-sama’ last night. ‘Oh well…’ I decided to smile and wave at her, which caused her to blush and trip on her own feet and soon was being scolded by the tall girl beside her. I couldn’t help but giggle as I made my approach thinking ‘might as well cheer her up.’
I wrote; “How is your bump from yesterday?” as I walked. I showed the notebook to her when I got near enough. The taller girl didn’t seem to mind me talking to her student. Instead she placed her bokken’s end down on the ground and held it like a cane while watching us.
The smaller girl stuttered for a while… slowly spitting out words that made no sense for the first few seconds. “Iiiit’s fine nona-now. Th-thank you…” I couldn’t help but smile… that was just too cute.
I then wrote; “I see. Good luck with you training then. Work hard alright?!” and showed it to her, patting her head lightly as I continued to smile.
“Ye-YES! Thank you very much!” She happily and proudly replied almost without stuttering. I turned to her dark haired trainer, who seemed happy for her student’s reborn determination. She bowed to me and mouthed a “Thank you” with out a voice, I assumed this to thank me with out the other girl hearing it.
I bowed to them and waved before taking my leave. I decided to walk around the dorm area to look for a good spot to watch the sun rinse. I felt someone else watching me from behind, her presence was getting closer which I didn’t want. Without turning around to see her, I continued to walk hoping that she’ll take a hint and stay away for now.
‘I’m sorry Ootori. I don’t want to talk to you unless I really have to…’
Author’s notes:
Special Guest Appearances by (if you guys haven’t guessed): Maehara Shinobu and Aoyama Motoko. Yes, I’m making it look like Shinobu has a deep admiration for Yaya which will I can probably delve on later, maybe as a special intermission chapter.
-Bokken are the wooden swords.
-Shinai is the one that’s made of bamboo.
-Hakama is what kendo practitioners wear, and traditionally worn by samurai.
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