Yaya's Voice (part 13 of 13)

Yaya: Taking a step forward? Or back?

“Ow… ow… What kind of girl cuts herself seventeen times?!” I scolded myself for being so incredibly clumsy with a kitchen knife.

I looked at my right hand, as my left hand was busy carrying my lunch box, and there it was Eight of Seventeen cuts, Ten of Twenty Two pieces of bandages, the other five is from that episode I had last week when I went berserk in the art room, suffice to say that some of them weren’t healing as fast. Not that it was anything new… mom always said that my wounds always took longer than most people to heal. But despite that, and the possibility of scaring my hands, I don’t regret them… as painful as they are they felt like a small price to pay.

The ones I got from cooking, or at least trying to do so, I do very much regret. I openly admit that I cannot cook to save my life. Hell I probably can learn to cook if my relationship with Hikari depended on it, which until a few days ago weighed heavier than cooking for my life. But I supposed I should at least learn enough to live on for the future or so I said to myself when I took Tendo-san up on her offer to teach me how to cook.

Anyway… I found myself walking towards the lake. It was just about lunch time, or before lunch time… I’m not really sure because our teachers gave us a bunch of free periods to start some preparation for the upcoming school festival and I just decided to escape work while no one was looking.

Soon enough I found myself at the lake side. The trail was full of fallen leaves and the wild grass was quite full, it was autumn after all, which meant my steps were quite noticeable but since I didn’t think anyone would be around to hide from at this time so I didn’t really mind them. It was calming in a way.

It was then that I saw someone I never expected to see there. “Ootori?” I blurted out my words seconds before I thought of it.

She turned her head ever so slightly to look from the corner of her eye but suddenly turned her head to face me all the same saying; “Nanto-sama…”

“Sama?!” I exclaimed in surprise. “Not you too…” I’m sure my voice sounded a hint disgusted when I had said that, it was a bit of a shock for me but I got over it quickly after all… after the fans, Tsubomi-chan and Hikari… no wait scratch that… I was very shocked. Even Ootori was acting weird. And at that point maybe I began regretting a lot of things, probably including my decision to come here... and I’m not exactly sure if it’s just my current local or the decision I made three years ago.

“You have your voice back!?” she almost yelled out. She looked very surprised. I wasn’t myself… because the thought of picking on her, Ootori Amane-sama: Prince of Spica, sounded very interesting.

I looked at her with a poker face to hide the intent to mess with her head, though I’m not quite sure if I was able to completely hide the hint of annoyance in my eyes, before I said, “Isn’t it obvious? And shouldn’t the news have reached you already… yesterday at the very latest?” It’s true anyway, news spreads faster in Spica than the other two schools or so I’ve heard anyway.

She thought about it for a moment before confirming my words with an “Oh yeah… It did…” which didn’t sound very lively.

I then walked towards her and sat close enough to say I was beside her but far enough to make a point.

“Why are you here?” I bluntly asked. I have only heard Hikari mention her name just a handful of times in the past days since my return and I have to be honest that it was quite bitter sweet. It made me wonder if they’re arguing… but only for a flicker of a moment that makes me wonder now why I bothered mentioning it at all.

She answered quickly saying; “The school allotted time for everyone to make some preparations for the festival.”

And for a moment I lost my poker composure and harshly countered her words; “That doesn’t really answer my question does it?”

“No… I suppose it doesn’t…” she replied, obviously nervous.

“Hmmm…” I wasn’t sure what to say… I’m good at teasing Hikari and Tsubomi, but this girl was never on my list.

After a short silence she said; “What are you doing here, if I may ask.”

I wanted to say ‘no you can’t…’ but seeing as she had already, I might as well say something. I quickly considered what would be a ‘smart ass’ response which was: “Probably the same thing as you are.”

“And that would be?...” She leaned closer, why exactly was a mystery to me for only a moment… when I realized what she was doing I copied her and technically returned the question.

“I don’t know. What are you doing here?”

I knew I won the moment she sighed. I watched her as she turned her head towards the lake and said: “Thinking. I guess…”

I continued to watch her as the light bounce with a soft gleam from her odd crimson eyes. I wondered why I noticed that. I felt angry about it for a moment but decided the less I pondered about things the better… especially if it had something to do with Hikari or Ootori. Yes… that would probably be best. Don’t ponder about them to much.

Then it just slipped out. “Nope! That’s not what I’m doing…” I planned on ending the conversation and just going somewhere else. But instead these words came out and got her attention.

“Oh?” she said as she turned her attention towards me again. And I knew from the look on her eyes she wanted me to tell her what I’m doing here without her asking. But of course I didn’t and wouldn’t… not even if she asked. “So… what are you doing here?”

I looked up to avoid her gaze. I hate her eyes… Those red eyes of this prince like girl… that made me want to answer her. And as I was looking up I wished that the tree’s leaves would all just fall and bury me right then and there. But what are the chances of that happening…

“I guess I’m running away from someone…” I answered.

“Eh?” was all she let out as a response.

“Surprised?” I looked at her again and immediately regretted it… the look on her eyes screamed “Tell me about it!” only accented more by her face that had curiosity written all over it. She nodded… once, a simple run of a mill, dull and normal nod… but why did it feel like she was begging me to tell her all about it.

“A friend of mine confessed to me.” I answered her unspoken plea.

Well it’s technically the reason why… but not the whole truth. You see… After Tsubomi confessed her love and we got back from our weekend trip… she’s been acting differently. I clearly recall telling her that I’m not ready. But what does she do? She clings to me any chance she gets. It was embarrassing. Just yesterday she coincidentally met me in the cafeteria restroom and she stuck to me like glue till lunch was over. This happened at dinner too and Hikari was giving us this weird look that I’m not sure how to translate.

It’s not like I hate Tsubomi’s attention, I just don’t feel comfortable with Hikari being able to see her that close to me... not to mention everyone else seeing her close to me. I know I shouldn’t care… but I do. It’s just not normal! And I haven’t told Hikari that she was with me when I went out last weekend… I don’t think I can tell her either. I feel like I’m doing something wrong. Well I shouldn’t worry about it too much, my business is my business… unless I make it her business which would mean opening up to her which I’m quite sure isn’t happening anytime soon.

Anyway… Ootori seemed incredibly surprised and worried about it. She reacted out with a very loud: “EH?!?!”

“Hey! Don’t shout! It’s not like it was Hikari.” I told her, which only painfully remained me of the awful truth… But for some reason she looked really worried. My mind wondered for a moment only for me to mentally kick myself and stopped the wondering process. Then I said: “Anyway… long story short… I just wanted to be alone, so I thought of looking for some new place to hang around. This girl knows all of the places I like to slack off on.” Just to cover the short amount of time I held myself in thought.

“I see…” she nodded and looked away, seemingly worried or disappointed. Not that I should care.

“You won’t tell anyone I’m hiding around here would you?” I asked her, teasingly putting a cute expression on my face or at least I think I did.

But I got the response I was hoping for anyway so it was good. And oddly I found myself teasing her again saying: “And no more holding me down and kissing me against my will alright?”

Her response was unexpected however. She turned a very deep shade of crimson and looked very flustered. “Can we drop that… as collected as I appeared back then, I’m very embarrassed about it now.” She then looked away, her face glowing with guilt.

I almost felt sorry for her... err no, that would be completely false. I felt sorry for her. But I would not be stupid or brave enough to admit it to anyone other than myself. I hated her so much… I stopped considering her as a person. And I found myself thinking and asking, “Really?... Why?” with honest and pure curiosity that made me want to kick myself... hard.

She answered me guiltily, honestly and very repentant saying that what she did back then wasn’t like her at all. And I had to agree… I’d like to think I at least knew her enough to not do something like that. And for some reason… I found it funny that she admitted to that, because I never thought she was the apologetic type. I burst into a very audible laughing fit. She made no attempt to redeem her pride even a little and she didn’t even try to stop my laughter, which I’m sure I would have found a way to turn into another round of teasing.

“No… kidding…” I somehow managed to let out between laughs before slowly stopping. We both looked away from each other and remind silent. I took of my jacket because I was feeling a little warm from the walk and laughing I did. I then found myself curling up, wrapping my arms around my legs and letting my head rest on my knees. It wasn’t the most comfortable of positions but I did it anyway and just watched the water for a long moment.

I spared a few seconds to take a short look at her. She looked… confused…

Not that I should care or at least that was what I told myself at the time. I then had this feeling to be bad, I remembered the pack of cigarettes I had kept in my pocket and took it out. While I was rummaging through my pocket for the lighter I noticed that Amane had turned her attention towards me and my devilishly forbidden item, well at least it is in schools.

“Aren’t you a little too young to smoke?” Her words sounded worried and concerned… again not that I should care.

And without really thinking too hard about what I was about to say… I berated her for it in my own way, throwing in an angry voice and an almost menacing glare.

“Okay… I deserved that…” She cowered a little, her face full pained and guilty. And for a moment I thought that she would start crying… not that I should care.

I lit my cigarette and quickly took a huff only to immediately cough the smoke back out. I wasn’t used to it after all… I thought after one pack it would become like drinking a strong carbonated soda.

“Are you ok?” She asked, sounding a little concerned.

“Yeah… I’m just new at this…” I said as I pounded my chest a little, which I soon learned doesn’t really offer any sort of relief unless you’re choking on liquid or food.

“How long have you been smoking?” she asked.

Oddly enough I answered her honestly. “This would be the first stick of the second pack of cigarettes I have.” I said before taking another deep huff of smoke. I counted to three before blowing it out in a long stream of smoke. I noticed that she was staring at me… or more specifically, my lips. And of course I wouldn’t pass the chance to make her squirm some more. “They’re dirty… but would you kiss them?” I said to her adding a hint of seduction in my voice.

A simple and dumbfounded “Eh?” was her only response. But when her face turned as red as her eyes… I had to firmly hold my tongue between my teeth just to keep myself from laughing.

“It’s just a question, I’m not asking you to nor do I want you to…” It was more or less the truth. I don’t want her to kiss me… I was merely curious if she would even if my breath stank of nicotine laced smoke. But to be honest, I had not meant to ask the stupid question.

“I see…” I was a little relieved. She might just end the conversation… or at least that odd thread. But she just had to follow it with, “Why do you ask?”

‘Why did I ask?’ I asked myself. I just felt like it? It just came out that way? I had nothing else to say? I wanted to tease her for looking at my lips?... yeah that would probably be the best answer. Not exactly something you says to someone who isn’t close to you nor does it sound nice and in the end I didn’t say it. Instead this was the answer that passed my lips, “I’ve taken the first kiss of three girls.”

I looked at her and she looked surprised but said nothing. She knew she gave me her first kiss… she probably didn’t imagine I’d get three.

“The first one hated it… because I stole it.” I paused again and looked at her. “Hikari has told you about our fight, I believe?”

I wasn’t all that surprised when she nodded a second or two after I had said that. She most likely knew or had been told of it by Hikari, if not she should realize it now. I don’t think I can discuss what exactly happened with Hikari… it’s just… too painful. After all it had almost marked the end of our friendship. She looked unsure of what to say or do… she looked away. I don’t blame her. If I were in her shoes I’d have difficulty looking at me too.

I tried to give her a smile but whether I succeeded or not, I’ll probably never know. “The second one… I hated it…” I don’t know why but I had forgiven her. I still didn’t like her very much but… I forgive her. She did admit it was out of lust. I suppose it was a complement… that the girl Hikari loved lusted over me. Yes, I’ll take it as one.

“The third one I did out of pity and gratitude… and though it felt good, I don’t feel so happy that I did.” I said before I turned to my cigarette and took in another huff. I decided to end it there… if she wanted to make more of it… she’ll have to ask herself I’m not about to reveal it all on my own.

“Why not?” she asked, I supposed that she meant why I don’t feel happy about kissing the third girl.

“Why…” indeed… I took another breath of smoke, puffing it out into a quick stream and gave a quick thought of how to phrase my response. “probably… because I feel like it might be giving her false hope.”

“False hope?” She repeated in question… not that it was hard to imagine that it be anything but a question.

I nodded and puffed another stream of smoke. “Yeah… I don’t want her to think that I might just fall for her eventually just because I kissed her…” It was the whole truth… I had those same feelings myself, I thought that Hikari’s feelings might change if she realized mine... But I never really got to that part. Maybe my approach or something was wrong… I don’t really know anymore. I just want things to the way it was even if just on the surface, it certainly would be easier to just go on with one’s life that way.

She didn’t say anything after that. A few moments pass and my cigarette was just about finished. I took a deeper huff than usual to just finish it all quickly and light another one.

Then out of no where she asked, “Why do you like Hikari?” which sounded incredibly wrong, don’t usually people ask what one likes about someone? And for some reason it annoyed me… and I just had give her a painfully cheeky response.

“Why do you have so many questions?” I blurted out angrily… I didn’t really mean to though. The frustration is still there in my heart and her question almost feels like putting salt on an open wound.

“I’m sorry…” she apologized, almost instantly. She cowered a little and it almost appeared like she was cringing waiting for a blow from me to come. If anyone saw us right now they would probably never believe that she had the guts to forcefully kiss me last week. I inwardly sighed… not that I made me feel better.

“Me too… I didn’t mean it like that.” I apologized, more or less, before taking another huff out of my cigarette… which oddly tasted a little bitter than before. I puffed the smoke all out, creating a think line of smoke that slowly dispersed in the air. I took a few seconds to think about it… but nothing came to my mind. “I don’t know anymore…”

A soft, “Eh?!” came out from her lips which made me wonder if she’s easily surprised or something else entirely, but I decided to ignore it and go on with my point.

“Or maybe I should say… I don’t know… why I like her… I didn’t really need a reason why… she was Hikari.” It’s sort of true. The way I fell for her didn’t require me knowing her. It was just something my heart couldn’t avoid. I would have probably fallen for her even if she had a sadistic personality. I’m sure I would have fallen for her bad if she had A…

Anyway… It was love at first sight. From the very moment I saw her singing at the church’s backyard garden… I thought my heart stopped for a few seconds, only to start up again to chase her… catch her… and learn her name. I never truly thought about the future… my or our future… I just wanted to be beside her. But I guess that will end… or already has.

“That didn’t sound as romantic as the thought could be.” she cheekily said.

“It doesn’t have to… It’s not like it’ll matter anymore.” I felt a smile creep up my lips. I never thought to be romantic… I always showed Hikari how I felt and acted like I had claimed her already. She treated it like a joke and I never corrected her. As stupid as it was maybe I was afraid of what she’d do if she realized it… would she accept me? Or would she reject me? And when I finally had the guts to try something, I made it flop badly.

I sighed very softly. I could not look at her… my chest was a big mix of so many feelings that it was hard to tell what exactly I felt. But the silence made it easier to end the topic and move on which I silently thanked her for then finished my cigarette. By the time I had finished it, put the light out and threw the cigarette butt away I realized something… I was hungry. And though I wasn’t exactly looking forward to eating it… I just didn’t have it in me to just walk up to a trash can and throw the lunch I made for myself away.

I took it out from behind me; the bento box of death… wrapped in a black bandana that made me feel less and less anticipating of the meal. I didn’t know why I had two chopsticks at the time, but I guess it was in case Tsubomi found me… maybe I was hoping my culinary skills or the lack thereof… would make me less appealing to her or return to the time she was tolerating my presence.

But I opened it anyway… and I could tell that Ootori was looking at it. Which immediately brought a new thought to sadistically punish the… … to punish her. “You want some?” I asked as I held out a pair of chopsticks for her to use.

To my delight she took it and proceeded to take a sample of my Tamagoyaki of doom and despair, yes a mouthful to say but that’s what you’d feel if you ate it and I should mention it looked horribly black and misshapen to start with, she ate it without hesitation… which made me wonder why for a second before deciding not to care. She grimaced and cringed..? It must have been all that soy sauce that I accidentally spilled in the mixture.

It was strange… she was suffering from the food I purposely fed her and yet here I am not laughing at her misery. I didn’t wonder why. Instead I said, “That bad huh?” and looked down on the food a little disinterestedly. “I guess it’s to be expected.” I felt a tiny bit depressed when I said that… I’m not sure why but when she took the chopsticks from me and took the piece of food from the box, I felt this small wish inside that wanted her to tell me it was good… like that magical effect of love that makes anything made by the one you like delicious beyond understanding.

“You can just spit it out… there’s no need to force yourself for me.” Oddly… I knew I didn’t mean those words that I said with so much detachment. I wanted her to eat it all… suffer and in the end say it was delicious and that it was the greatest thing she’s ever tasted, eat every last bite of my lunch for me, then go to the infirmary and tell the nurse to hide the fact that she threw up or got sick.

It felt like a needle prick my heart when she spat out the vile tasting Tamagoyaki. I sighed… hiding it between her spitting and partially choking out the disgusting food. I took a piece with my own pair of chopsticks, swiftly bringing it into my mouth… was horrible and it made me wonder, if I could eat this with a happy face if Hikari made it for me…

And the answer came to me instantly… I would. I found myself swallowing and taking another piece, chewing, swallowing, taking another piece, chewing, swallowing… I could taste all the things I placed in and the things I accidentally added. It was enough to make your saliva turn slimy and sticky. But when I imagined Hikari making something like this, not that she would… I know she can cook. But really making myself believe she cooked this… it made it easier to swallow.

“How can you eat that?” She asked… not the least bit holding her disgust.

I just smiled and said, “Like this.” Before doing what I had previously done to the first few disgusting morsels, imagined that Hikari made it for me then ate it. She looked like she wanted to throw up just imagining how it must taste as I ate.

“Doesn’t it taste bad?!” she asked… looking almost sick from just watching me eat this.

But I just smiled and said, “It was awful!” in an almost happy tone.

“Why are you eat it then?” she cringed looking like she might throw up soon.

I just shrugged and said, “It’s not so bad…” I didn’t mean it… It was absolutely horrible! It took a lot of my self control and constant internal reminder about who I was to believe made this to be able to eat it with a calm happy and contented smile. I took out another stick of cigarette, lit it and took a huff. I choked and coughed again… like it was my first time all over again. While trying to relax, I proceeded to clean up after myself. It wasn’t easy… there was no denying that what I ate wasn’t settling down in my stomach like a normal meal, but I’d like to think that if I can take this pain, hide it until it goes away… I can do the same for my feelings.

From the corner of my eye, I noticed that Ootori looked like she wanted to say or point something out. I decided to let her… and be over with it. “What’s on your mind?” I said.

“Ah…” she paused… and seemed to be in thought for a while. She was probably unsure of what to say or how to say it. I looked her way soon enough to catch her absently nod to herself probably making the decision to tell me what ever it was. She then said, “I think you’re being self destructive…”

I felt an inner me smile... when her voice sounded so concerned. ‘I know that…’ was what I said to myself. I looked up to the sky and said, “I think so too.”

I felt empty… like the nearly cloudless sky or a plain white bread. Anyway I just watched the sky; I didn’t feel like saying anything more.

We were quiet for a while. But the silence brought up sad and depressing memories. Many of them… some of them recent… some were older ones. But one memory stood out from the rest of them… and it was Ootori’s kiss.

The shuddering feeling of dread when I heard the first three words, “I like you…” I wanted to hear someone say that to me and of course the way Hikari did so before doesn’t count. But I never thought Hikari’s girlfriend would be the first to say it to me… full of that desire and passion that any girl had dreamed and wished for. I don’t even remember what she said after those words. The kiss though… I didn’t struggle from as much as my rationality really wanted. I clearly remember letting her kiss me as tears of… dare I admit it… joy fell from my eyes. I was happy that someone liked me enough to do that… even if it was Ootori.

Who would have thought my first kisses would be so memorable. I sighed and was about to take out another stick when I noticed that she was staring at me.

No… not staring exactly… she had this absent look in her eyes like she was thinking of something deep. I moved closer to her to check if she was indeed not looking at me, just at my direction. “Hmmm…”

I looked straight into her eyes… my face inches from her. If someone saw us this would be in the bulletin board by tomorrow morning. But I can’t possibly get anymore attention that I already want… or don’t… and decided to do it anyway.

After a few seconds, I noticed her eyes began taking notice of me before almost jumping away in surprise. Seeing that she I had her attention now, I decided to ask, “Are you ok? You look more troubled than I do.” It was an expression of course… I can’t exactly tell how troubled I look.

She nodded and said, “I’ll be alright.” I looked at her once more before moving away. I sat down, closer to her… I just felt too lazy to move to far.

We sat in a long silence again… that was when I felt strange. To be more exact my stomach did. I curled up subconsciously maybe I thought that doing so would reduce the pain I felt.

Then… I just blacked out.

…

When I woke up, I was drenched in a cold sweat; my stomach ached and was incredibly dizzy. I struggled to get out of bed and rush out to a nearby lavatory. But my balance failed me… and I found myself crashing on the next bed with my hand on my mouth struggling to keep whatever it was that wanted to come out through my mouth down.

I soon heard footsteps and heard the familiar voice of the school’s regular nurse, Anegasaki Tae. “Nanto-san? How do you… hang on for a few more seconds!” she immediately rushed somewhere. She came back three to five seconds later with a bucket, a good quarter of filled with water and some sanitary chemical, and placed it right in front of my face. And as if on cue I blew chunks.

A few excruciating and disgusting minutes later, it all came out… I must have regurgitated everything I ate, breakfast included.

“What have you been eating?” she asked with a not so exaggerated gasp.

I didn’t answer and just looked at the bucket, which was full of something blackish brown and disgustingly bubbly, hoping that was everything.

“How do you feel?”

I gave her a look… I’m not quite sure what kind exactly but it was the best I could do with all my cheekiness and dignity drained out of me for the time being.

“Sorry… but really how or what do you feel?” she placed a hand on my forehead to check my temperature as she asked, which I know was partly concern but mostly because it was her job.

“I feel like I ate a bunch of nearly expired sushi, drank soy sauce green and slimy with wasabi and someone punched my gut making me do it over again in one swallow.” I grimly described with all the gore and cheekiness I could muster.

She smiled and said, “If you can joke like that… I’m sure you can make a complete recovery… in less than a day, probably a few hours if you can get something proper to eat.”

I rolled my eyes and said, “I hope so...” meaning something completely different from my physical health.

“The small fever you had while you were out is gone too.” She added as she walked to the clinic sink to wet a clean towel and hands it to me.

“I had a fever?” I asked.

She laughed a little and told me not to worry because it wasn’t high and would be gone if I could get more rest. She then went away to dispose of the bucket or to be more precise it’s contents. I laid back down on the bed after wiping my face with a wet towel she handed to me earlier. And I then wondered… how did I get there.

The last that I could remember was that I was with Ootori back by the lake… I felt pain then… I’m guessing I fainted or fell asleep.

The nurse then returned with the bucket and a fresh batch of the water solution which she placed somewhere safe and close by.

And before she could say anything I asked her, “How did I get here?”

“Well about two hours ago… I heard someone knocking by, what I would guess, using one’s foot.” I was having a hard time imagining Ootori doing some like that but I allowed her to continue. “When I opened the door I found you cradled in Ootori Amane’s arms like a princess.” I almost cringed at the image that crept up my thoughts… Ootori’s Princess was one of the last things I’d want to be. “She told me that one moment the two of you were sitting somewhere the next she noticed you’ve fainted and she rushed to bring you here.”

“I see.” I inwardly thanked Ootori for telling only enough detail to explain how it came to be that she was the one that brought me there.

“Seeing the two of you like that was so dreamy…” she looked a little dazed like her mind was heading somewhere far away.

I rolled my eyes again this time holding my tongue not that she’d probably hear what I said. After a few minutes she regains herself and tells me to rest for a while longer or if I wanted I could sleep and she’d wake me when classes were officially over. I nodded and decided to rest for a little bit more.

But after a few minutes of lying down my stomach decided to lessen my dignity even further and let out a loud and very distinctive growl. Nurse Anegasaki held her laughter, for which I was almost grateful… almost because she laughed loud and hard when my stomach repeated the act five seconds later.

To save face, I immediately stood up straighten up my uniform and proceeded to walk out the door while she was busy laughing. But before I could fully open the door she stopped me and said, “Wait!!... Don’t forget your jacket.” as she pointed at the hanger rack by the door. I took it and put it on immediately. I walked out and half slammed the door behind me only to hear her still laughing inside.

Deciding that the best way to remedy this situation was to get something to eat, and not berate the nurse, I quickly headed to the cafeteria for a snack.

About two minutes later, I was about two halls away from the cafeteria when my eye spied a certain pink haired girl. I must not have been thinking straight as I didn’t do anything to avoid her seeing me.

“Yaya-sa..senpai!” she called out, trying to hide her mistake of calling me san with a bright innocent smile.

“Hi… Tsubomi...” I said raising my hand to give her a sort of hand wave that I’m sure didn’t look quite right. “I’m in a hurry. I’ll see you later.” I said as I continued to walk not bothering to wait for her to respond.

“But senpai!... where…?” her question died in the air as my stomach’s growl echoing in the empty hall. “… oh…” was the only thing she could say but it was evident with her wide eyes that it surprised her.

And then another event of me not thinking straight was when I said these words… “Would you like to join me?”

She blushed and nodded before walking up to me and joining my pace towards the cafeteria.

Minutes later, we shared a table… my side full of food as if I had not eaten in days. I was about to put the third piece of BLT sandwich into my mouth when I noticed that Tsubomi looked like she wanted to say or ask something. And against a wiser judgment I said to her, “What’s on your mind Tsubomi?”

She swallowed nervously and audibly… she looked away from left to right for a moment probably pondering if she should speak her mind or if someone was there to listen in. Then she looked down and just said, “It’s nothing.”

I should have let the conversation die there but I was obviously not myself today for I told her, “Spit it out already.” before taking a big bite of sandwich.

Pouting a little she looked at me like a child being forced to take a bath or do a chore she hates… but then she gave me a sad look and asked, “You know I love you right?”

I choked… right then the bits of bacon decided to teasingly enter my left lung while a piece of tomato the right and what I’m sure was a big piece of lettuce stuck quite near my tonsils. I immediately took hold of glass of water I had place beside my tomato soup and downed it all in a few gulps then releasing a relieved sigh.

“I’m sorry…” she said looking down and depressed again.

There was a part of me that wanted to tell her off and scold her especially after the short suffering induced by a sandwich, but giving consideration to her feelings and myself to blame for telling her to just say what she wanted… it was partially my fault. “It’s ok… ahem.” I coughed a little as a result of human reflex.

I looked at her and tried to think of something to say. I know that she’s resolved to get the two of us together… she has told me so more than twice before. Her methods are questionable though… After all I had told her straight that I cannot return her feelings.

… Nothing came to mind and I proceeded to continue eating. She looked desperate, I felt sorry for her… but of course I did not want to encourage her behavior. I don’t want to deepen her heartache… but I can’t think of anything that will discourage her from pursuing me without breaking her heart. “You know, Tsubomi… that I don’t feel the same for you…”

“But!-” she tried to say something but I immediately silenced her with a gesture.

“Now I just want to tell you that if you’ve really set your heart and sights for me… I won’t argue anymore. But acting like this… and thinking I’m just about yours already isn’t really going to change my mind.” I said to her with a soft calm voice.

“Then… how?” she asked, her voice sounding quite desperate.

I answered as best as I could without sounding inclined to break her heart or encourage her to pursue her feelings for me. “I don’t know… maybe you just have to be yourself? We’re great friends even though we don’t always act like it… we get along well enough…”

“And maybe that will deepen for you someday?” she asked, almost carefully.

Shrugging my shoulders and gave her a ‘one can only hope’ smile as I kept my eyes on her face as I said on word, “Maybe…”

“Was that how you fell for Hikari-senpai?” she asked looking sad, curious and with a hint of guilt… as if it was it was the most scandalous topic in the whole world.

I shook my head and said, “No…” with a soft, happy and proud smile.

She bent her head to the side, her eyes looking straight towards mine. “Then how?”

I smiled as I looked at her. Recalled the feeling that hit me the day Hikari and I met. There were no words to describe how I felt that day... I’d have to be a great poet or writer to even try… I decided not to answer her.

Seeing my silence she asked, “It was love at first sight. Wasn’t it?”

All I could do was nod.

She smiled… she seemed impressed or touched by the thought of a love at first sight. But then she frowned, looked down again and said, “I’m envious of her.”

I smiled and told her, “I’m envious of you.”

“EH?!” She exclaimed and looked at me with a dumbfounded expression.

My smile widened and I could feel my heart and cheeks warm up as I said, “I wish I could have just told Hikari how I felt when I had the chance…” paused and mentally berated myself with a short ‘You know you had a lot of them before!’ speech in my head before continuing, “and what ever her answer may be, still continue being her friend. And if she rejects me; I’d tell her that I haven’t given up on her and still show her how much I love her.”

She blushed again… and I’d believe I had just given her a complement then, and I hoped she took it as such. We were quiet for a while and I was able to continue my meal. But when I had to get a fresh helping of water, returned and saw that she had not move… I felt worried for a moment. At least until she spoke again.

“So have you picked a club to join yet?” she asked as she looked away.

“Huh?” I heard the question but the long and uneasy silence had temporarily dulled my response time.

She looked anxious and had a tendency to wiggle from left to right. “Well you know… You quitted the saintly chorus and I was just wondering what you’re doing?” she was slowly starting to look and sound like the Tsubomi I knew before I took her to that weekend outing.

“Oh… I’ve become involved with Chikaru’s project for the festival.” I could feel that I smiled warmly inside as I politely answered her question. I know she still felt quite awkward, but I deeply appreciated that attempted to try shifting her methods… that is if that’s what she’s trying to do. I said a little uninterestedly.

“Really? Is it a Lulim school project?” her voice hinting excitement.

“More like a club thing.” I shrugged after I answered.

“What are you all doing for the festival?” she asked, her eyes brimming with curiosity.

“Hmm… I’m not sure if it’s ok to tell. I’ll have to ask Chikaru, she might be planning to surprise everyone.” I told her.

Then we exchanged insults… starting from me being stingy and somehow ended with her being born with a tomato colored cheek. Before we laughed like we never had laughed before. It almost felt like we were back to how it was two weeks ago… Bickering and annoying each other’s heads off. I know I enjoyed those days... Tsubomi’s company had always been my recluse from my feelings for Hikari. The times where we yelled at each other were probably the only moments of my days that my mind could not keep a picture of Hikari.

We spent the rest of the time while I was eating to talk, she avoided topics and things that might lead to a conversation about what happened between us. And for that I’m very grateful. Instead she focused on asking other things about me and telling me more about herself. I found myself smiling inside… and almost saying, “I just might.” to her out loud.

I then checked the wall clock and learned that it had been about twenty or thirty minutes since I came here with her. And just a few more minutes before class officially ends and everyone will move to their clubs. And I should get going to Lulim soon…

“Ne… Tsubomi do you mind telling Hikari to bring my bag to the dorms with her?” I asked, sounding a little more pleasant than usual.

“I could just bring it myself if you want.” She suggested to me… But I was sure that she was curious as to why I had asked when our classroom was just a hall and a staircase away.

“Either way is fine.” I said, hoping that would be the end of that topic.

“Ok… but… why don’t you get it yourself?” she asked and I noted that I was glad I anticipated the question early enough to think of a decent lie.

“I just don’t feel like climbing the stairs a-…” I found myself hanging there for a second… ‘and I don’t really want to see Hikari, or the other way around, right now…’ the words I wanted no one to hear.

“…if I can avoid it.” It wasn’t that bad or unbelievable a lie, I think I sounded lazy enough to pull the words off. But the truth was I had a feeling that Hikari would want to come and follow me to Lulim, especially today since the saintly chorus wouldn’t be meeting and since I believe I heard that the actors for the dorm’s play were suppose to attend a meeting today. I had reasons not to want to see Hikari, which is funny since I’ve always made anything a reason to see her… where did the good times go?

“…” she was silent for a moment and evidently scrutinizing my face. It looked like she wasn’t going to believe me. But then she shrugged and smiled. “Ok then…”

I smiled thankfully and stood up to clean up the dishes I used. But before I could head off… she said, “But what should I say if she asks me where you are?”

I turned back to her and answered, “Tell her that I was in a hurry and you’re not really sure where… It’s almost the truth anyway.”

She frowned at that, probably noting to herself that she didn’t see me as a person who could lie to the one I had feelings for. But she nodded anyway giving me a soft, “Ok.”

“Thanks! I’ll see you later.” I then turned and surrendered my dished to be washed. I then headed for the door only to look back at Tsubomi who was now half way out of the door opposite of the one I was about to use. I was glad that she decided not to look back before she left the cafeteria because I was not sure I could forgive myself if she had a frown on her face.

Making my way towards Lulim wasn’t difficult. It was probably about ten to fifteen minute walk depending on one’s pace. I was on my way to the music room that Chikaru had invited me to when I had this weird “being watched” feeling. And for someone like me who was used to getting looked at, because I was more on stage enough thanks to the saintly chorus, this certainly felt weird and different. I wondered if it was because I wasn’t in my own school or that maybe those lot of days that I had not attended the choir made me feel less impervious to this feeling.

But as I was wondering this, I felt someone touch me with one finger from behind. Normally that wouldn’t faze me, but… in this new environment, new situation, the more or less awkward situation with Tsubomi and Hikari… and the fact that who ever it was behind me had coincidentally touched one few sensitive spots of my back that- completely freaked me out.

And… the only thing my instinct told me to do was to…

“IIIIIIIIIIIIIYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!”

… scream.

Very surprised and scared senseless to the point that I had panicked and had somehow completely forgotten how to properly take a step, or how to keep my balance at all, because when I tried to turn towards who ever it was behind me I found myself falling painfully on my backside cringing a little as it stung me a bit on the cold tile floor. And I almost surprised myself for not yelling the pain out.

“Yaya-san! Are you alright?”

I heard and recognized the voice, looked up and saw that my guess was right. “Chi-ka-ru…-san” I slowly muttered each syllable, I almost regretted doing so as there was so much pain in the tone of my voice.

She knelt in front of me, worry written in thick bold letters in face. “Where does it hurt?” she instinctively posed her hands in front of me- completely unsure of what to do just yet.

“My butt… but I’m pretty sure I didn’t break anything, except a little piece of my pride.” I said jokingly, though my voice still had a big hint of pain in it when I did.

Chikaru smiled, she seemed quite relieved to hear me joke about my pride when she was more worried about my physical well being.

I looked at my behind instinctively… not a lot of people can look behind them and see their own backside- or at least not that far. When I turned my head back to face Chikaru I almost let out a yelp in surprise when I saw her face was quite close to mine. She had this smile that I don’t think anyone has ever deciphered or translated its meaning… I wondered if she could teach me how to do that.

“Chikaru-?” I called out to her when her gaze was taking too long and started making me feel uncomfortable.

“I can see why so many have set their eyes on you.” Her voice was unusually soft and almost seductive that I was almost glad my butt hurt enough that I didn’t shiver from the tone of her voice. I swear her voice sound electrifying.

“Excuse me?” I managed to mumble out without getting my quickening heart beat to sound with my voice.

But instead of answering she stood up straight and offered me her hand. It wasn’t most excellent of evasions, I haven’t decided whether I’d like to continue or let the topic die… but then again I don’t even want to think about where the subject would lead to. I took her hand and stood up, dusting and straightening my uniform as soon as I regained my balance. I then turned towards her and opened my mouth, my mind half heartedly set on following up the previous topic- when, she quickly motioned herself behind me and playfully pushed me to the direction of the music room.

The rest of the meeting and practice goes without a hitch. Chikaru was the most patient of tutors, Remon and Kizuna seemed to have this way of properly rooting for a person- because I felt quite motivated the whole time. I made a whole lot of mistakes with my notes, the two extra cords that a violin didn’t have was a big change… not to mention the size, weight of the instrument, and my freshly injured fingers... But it was quite fun and the best part was… Hikari didn’t come into my mind the whole time.

One thing though- almost during the whole time I was in Lulim I felt that weird feeling of being watched. I’m not sure whether I was imagining it or something but it has not proved itself harmful to me in anyway, just barely becoming an irritation… so I decided not to tell Chikaru or anyone about it. I don’t wanna risk embarrassing my self if it’s just my imagination.

Chikaru had told me that I could leave first, but somehow I just wanted to delay the day or at least the part where I return to the dorm if at least for a while longer… so I volunteered to stay and clean up. I soon learned why she told me to leave first though… you see, although Lulim students are quite open to students from Spica and Miator, it seems that some of their teachers aren’t. And I had a front seat view of a lecture of the rules of Lulim… all forty five minutes and twenty nine seconds of “the Lulim school rules (video edition)”. I am now unable to use the “Ignorance: excuse. And also I have a new found respect for Lulim Students, in particular can now be seen in a different light through my eyes, Chikaru, their student president especially… after all if they can have all that fun and seem so free with all those rules, they deserve my respect and adoration! I’m so glad I chose St. Spica.

Anyway… I was lucky to return to an empty dorm room. If Tsubomi had indeed brought my bag then she’ll either deliver it later or I’ll have to pick it up at her room. And I’m hoping it’s the later… anything to spend less time alone with Hikari. I can act it out all I want… and I believe I can do it, but it’s quite painful even though I’ve accepted it already.

I decided to take a bath- I mean after all that sweat one can work up playing an instrument, especially one as big and heavy as a guitar, I can only imagine what kind of person doesn’t take one as soon as ones able.

The water stung my hands and it did little to dull the pain in my heart. Minutes passed somehow I just didn’t feel like leaving the shower at all, because for the next ten or something minutes I did nothing but lean on the wall and watched the water that passed the drain. I soon realized that I was doing something relatively stupid when the warm water began to pass through my eyes and made them itch. I, of course, scratched them and lightly cursed at my own stupidity before getting out of the shower.

It would have surprised me that Hikari wasn’t back yet, but I didn’t notice it until I was dressed and my eyes stopped feeling so irritated. I did some homework, playing the music that Chikaru had lent to me, while waiting for dinner.

Hikari came back just as soon as it was time for dinner. I dared not to ask where she had been all this time, I figured the less I know... the less I’d think about her. We headed down for dinner, the earphones of Chikaru’s player still in my ears with its volume probably loud enough to block someone calling for me.

Dinner was uneventful, or should I say… I ignored whatever happened during dinner, and since no one tapped my shoulder to get my attention… I’m guessing that nothing that needed my attention really happened anyway.

After dinner I decided to get something I’ve been putting off since I got back from my (our, if I count Tsubomi) weekend outing and that was to make peace with Amane. Picking up the plainly gift wrapped parcel on my table, I headed of to the senior’s floor of the building… I was able to avoid telling Hikari anything about it because she had chosen that time to take a bath. Though what really surprised me is having avoided a conversation with her that long, since we entered the classroom, and considering she was rather hard on me the last time I avoided her… I immediately shook my head and those thoughts with it.

I stood in front of Amane’s room. Oddly… I expected fans who fancy themselves as her body guards standing outside her door and blocking everyone who might want to have a conversation with her. Looking down, I frowned at the package and asked myself if I really wanted to do this… and the answer was bafflingly uncertain. I did want to show her that there were no hard feelings, but at the same time I didn’t want her to feel close to me or something relatively close. I can’t explain it… and I don’t think I’d want anyone to explain it to me either.

Anyway, before I could turn away or something… I knocked; I swear I didn’t do it! But it was hard to deny that the hand that knocked was connected to my wrist that was connected to my arm etc… etc…

And soon enough I heard foot steps coming from the inside then soon after that- “yee… Yaya-sama?!” Amane almost yelled out the honorific in surprise when she saw me standing outside her door.

Embarrassment, that I didn’t know was even there, and uncertainty was pushed aside when my temper flared a bit when she called me with such a high honorific. “Again… what’s with you calling me that…?” I yelled, not quite loud enough to be heard by the neighbors but quite enough to have a mean angry tone.

“Ah… eh… It’s a sign of my complete and outmost respect for you…?” I wondered why her statement sounded more like question, but I decided to let it slide for now.

“Anyway… Here.” I raised the hand that held the gift and offered it to her.

“What’s this?” She asked completely awestruck.

I didn’t really notice that I had a blush on my cheeks until later… but I knew I was a little embarrassed to be giving her this present. “It’s a peace offering and a thank you!... for helping me earlier this afternoon.”

“It was nothing… I just did what anyone would do.” She said as she tentatively took the present from me with one hand while the other scratched her cheek in a sheepish sign of humility. And humility had got to be one of the things I thought wasn’t part of her character or at least she wouldn’t openly show it like she’s doing so right now.

“…” I wasn’t really sure why but I didn’t like it. I didn’t like seeing parts of her that made me think there was more to her than just being ‘Spica’s Prince’, ‘The School Idol’ and ‘the one who took Hikari away from me.’ I wanted to hate her, ignore her, and show her that not everyone loves her… but what was the point? Doing so would only make Hikari dislike me, it would require some effort to actually show someone you hated them, and maybe I just didn’t like hating people… a childhood friend of mine said it was bad for one’s karma.

But I’m sure that I don’t want to get any closer to her. That much at least I will put an effort to starting now. I looked at her again, bowed lightly and said; “Well… a have goodnight.” With that I quickly turned and walked away. But as I did I suddenly felt splitting headache and lost my balance. I heard her voice sometime in that moment, but I didn’t have the time or I just wasn’t listening as I was expecting to meet the floor and was I bracing myself for the imminent impact with the floor.

It never came. Instead I found myself in her arms… again.

“Ootori…” I muttered without thinking.

She blushed… then I felt I did too. She tried to look away, her face marked with a guilty blush and her voice laced with the meekness that I’ve heard in only one other person... “Are you ok? How are you feeling?”

I tried to force nod, but instead my hands shot up to my head and tried to ease my own physical suffering. I could help but let out a hiss in pain and a silent curse to the incredibly bad timing of the ailment.

Amane helped me up to my feet and half carried half dragged my back into her room… I unfortunately was not in the condition to resist. She laid me down on her bed, which I was sure didn’t smell the least bit like her… but it being the only bed in the room ruled out the possibility that it’s wasn’t her bed.

She knelt on the floor and critically watched my face with an unhidden expression of worry on hers. After what seemed like an eternity of pain… the headache eased and so did the tension I sensed from her. “How are you feeling?” She asked in a soft tone of voice.

Rage burned in me as soon as the pain disappeared. I wasn’t sure why, but I was angry… at her and without thinking I said, “I don’t need your help!” my voice sounded screechy and I couldn’t help but looked away.

“I’m sorry.” she guiltily whispered.

I said nothing and tried to sit up on my own.

“I… never meant to hurt or insult your pride.” She humbly said looking at me with guilt and worry.

“!” It was then that I realized why I was so angry. I didn’t want to appear weak to anyone… especially Hikari and her. It also explained my hesitation into coming to see her. A rough and uncertain, “Mmmm…” was all that I could give as a sure response.

“I’m a fan of yours. I love going to your recitals and choir concerts.” Her words sounded passionate and all but something told me it wasn’t true.

“It’s mandatory for all students...” And even worse yet I surprised myself that I played along with her lie. Well I can’t truly be sure if it is a lie on gut feeling alone… but it did irritate me.

She reasoned back saying, “It’s a luxury to me!” with enough zeal that it almost sounded convincing.

“…” and I didn’t know what or how to react to that. I was silent for a bit… my brewing anger faded all that was left was confusion and embarrassment. I looked away, I was sure my cheeks were quite red and warm. “…why are you telling me this.”

I felt her smile, I don’t know why but I’m quite sure she did. “It’s the only way I can say that I…”

And suddenly I felt like I knew what was coming and to prevent more embarrassment or weird feelings… I turned to her, my eyes now too held the warmness that was spreading to the rest of my face, and yelled out, “Wait! Don’t you dare say it!”

She stopped, smiled at me with her eyes glowing of mischief that you never thought would look good on her… until you see it. Looking at me straight in the eyes, the timid and apprehensive Amane was no where to be found. She leaned forward, just a tiny bit… a masterful touch I tell you and finished her sentence, “…Like you.”

My heart raced… and I cursed out loud, turned my head away from her to hide what ever color it was that my face had taken up. “I told you not to say it…” I scolded her, my with teeth grit together but my tone probably wasn’t at all near convincing. I cursed myself silently, I hated that she made me feel this way. She wasn’t even my type.

“I’m sorry.” Her apology sounded rehearsed, like she had played it over a hundred times in her mind, chose the best tone and feeling that accompanied it before it came out from her mouth.

But even so… it made my heart beat unsteadily. I really hated that she made feel this way… I mean why her?! Of all people! Tsubomi I’d be ok with… Hikari I’d be so happy I could probably die… all those silly fans of mine I’d even consider- but Ootori?... I don’t know what to feel.

Feeling that my blush had eased a little I turned to her, but just enough for me to see her from the corner of my eye, and examined the expression on her face. I frowned, seeing that the guilt and truthfulness that I heard from her voice was nowhere near her face. And with a harsh, “No you’re not.” I tried to save what little pride I had left in her eyes.

It disappointed me that she wasn’t the least bit affected by my stern retort. Instead she smiled, no grinned, playfully at me and said, “hmmm… Half?” in tone so mischievous I was beginning to wonder if this really was Ootori Amane.

She leaned closer… and instantly I began to worry. An instinctively bite on my lip… paused her advance but only for a very short moment, which would have surprised me if I had not thought she’d feel even a bit guilty of what she was doing. “I’m going to kill you…” I wanted to declare the outrage I felt, and I never meant those words more than today... But those same words kept dying behind my throat.

Her hand reached out and cupped my cheek, gently urging me to face her. I did so… but I could have sworn I told my body not to budge. In a few heart choking seconds… there her eyes were… in front my own. Staring at me with the deviousness that… I never thought she could pull off.

She leaned even closer… and I knew what was about to happen next. I didn’t want it to happen. But my body wouldn’t listen to me.

My eyes closed, on its own, and I realized that my body wanted this… a part of me, a strong part of me, wanted this. There was something about the way she made me feel that my body wanted… and I think she knew that, and that is why she was able to keep up this strong and courageous charade. I tried to muster my will to lash out to her, anything at all… it didn’t even have to make sense, so long as it’ll confuse her and stop her from doing what I feared she was going to do.

But nothing came- my voice just wouldn’t come at my will… my body didn’t listen and fate decided nothing would stop her.

I could feel her closeness... her lips just almost touching mine. Her breathing tickled my skin. And the scent of lemon soap that surrounded the air she occupied filled my lungs. I swallowed, or my body did… god knows that I have lost control of my body moments ago.

She kissed me, softly… with the tenderness that I dream someone would give me or I’d give Hikari. Her lips caressed mine, sensually warming them and coating them lightly with her taste. My left eye opened and immediately closed shut, not wanting to believe how beautiful she looked right then. A free hand lightly rubbed the full of my back- gently, teasingly, sensually... The hand that cupped my cheek had moved up, and gently brushed into my hair… I never thought such a simple act could feel so incredible.

The kiss gave me a mix of heaven and hell. Heaven because it had felt so wonderful… hell because I hated that I enjoyed a kiss from her. And when she started withdrew... I hated the part of me that kissed her back and stopped her. Yes, I kissed her! And when I found myself slipping my tongue into her mouth to deepen the kiss, I wanted to bite it off… right then and there. But I didn’t…

I felt lost… my kiss was a misplaced passion, misplaced because I didn’t want to feel passion for her. And it ate at me, gnawing at my soul daring to rip out my heart.

Our lips parted… and as much as it pains me to admit it most of the effort of doing so was hers. I slowly opened my eyes and watched as she slowly withdrew from me and stood up from the bed. I noticed, thought it was barely discernible, that she had difficulty keeping herself balanced… and it would have made me smile, had she not been who she was.

I was somehow able to regain some of my control and composure. Although I wasn’t quite sure if it was enough… but I decided to risk it anyway. I had to get out of there. My happiness and Hikari’s was in the balance. I will not be a part of the reason Ootori breaks her heart!

My legs moved and my feet had landed on the floor. I praised myself inwardly. It almost feels like I had lost control of them for so long and I’m so happy to gain them back.

Next, my hands and knees helped me up to my feet. I nearly smiled when my eyes saw the bewildered look on Ootori’s face. Then before my body gets the chance to betray me again, I stalked out of her room- mumbling, “I have to go…” in a grungy voice.

A hand that I was sure I was controlling grabbed the knob of her door and twisted it opened then I walked out. I did not give her the chance to react as I slammed the door behind myself loud enough that I’m sure a neighbor or two heard it.

I found myself taking deep breaths, my face still felt flashed from the enrapturing kiss we shared and my heart still beat in it’s unstable pace.

“I’m sorry.” I heard her say to the door. Part of me wanted to say something and it was that same annoying part that kissed her earlier. I didn’t give her a reply.

I looked around, and was almost relieved that no one decided to bother checking on who slammed who’s door. Taking a step, a slow pace at first before quickly increasing into a soft sprint I rushed away from the senior’s floor.

Where my feet took me surprised me. Room 119… Tsubomi’s room. I’ve never been here before… I just know the room number. But why I was here, was simple… I had to erase Ootori from my body or at the very least, erase the feeling her kiss gave me.

I raised my hand and hesitantly knocked. The response was nearly instant. Tsubomi let out a kind yell, “Just a second! I’ll be right there.” I never was quite literal with that statement myself… but oddly today I found myself counting just how many seconds it was going to take her to open that door.

I reached twenty two before Tsubomi opened the door with surprised gasp. “Yaya-sem…-” she looked around the halls before, “Yaya-san, is something wrong?”

My body reacted and let out a seemingly forced half smile. It made me feel good that she was able to somehow determine that something was wrong without me telling her. And for now I needed something from her and I didn’t have the time to explain it. I grabbed her wrist and gently dragged her out of her own room with only a quick, “Come with me.” were my only instructions.

She came, without the least bit of a struggle. I escorted her out of the building and into the dorm’s garden. I searched for a blind spot… anywhere that we wouldn’t be seen.

I pushed her behind a tree and held her tight. She lets out a soft gasp, but her voice didn’t hide her surprise. She looked up to me; her lemon colored eyes nervously shook and glistened in the bright moon light, her face flushed a shade darker than her sakura colored hair, and her usually pale and unpainted lips looked quite delicious and pink as a pale red rose. I could feel our hearts beat faster from where our breasts touched. My hands moved and found hers, entwining each finger around hers.

I leaned down and said, “I have a lot to explain and maybe apologize for… but for now-” I paused… I could barely hold myself. I wanted to, No, I needed to kiss her so badly. I swallowed the knot that formed in my throat and continued “-for now, I need you.”

I immediately closed the gap between us and crashed my lips onto hers into a deep rough and passionate kiss. And to my surprise she wasted no time and immediately kissed me back with nearly the same vigor.

I could feel my body exhibiting the same passion and similar emotions I felt minutes ago in Ootori’s room. No one could possibly imagine the relief I felt in my heart when I felt them stronger at Tsubomi’s presence and hands. I let myself go and kissed Tsubomi in a way that I’ve only dreamt of kissing one girl. I devoured her, savored her taste, pushed her out, and tasted her again before consuming her once more. It was a mind numbing kiss that simply turned one’s whole body into gelatin… and by the time we finished I think I forgot how to stand.

The kiss ended mutually. Our breaths were deep and hungry just like our eyes. I watched her lick her lip and couldn’t help but feel appreciated maybe even loved and not dirty although desired. My hands let go of hers and found each other on her back, my chin rested on her shoulder and my ear barely but sinfully touching hers. I wrapped myself on to her and tried to relax… and I could say she tried to do the same, but I could feel her stiffen, probably unsure of what to do next, and her heart race to a really excited pace. A smile broke out from my lips…

‘This is where I’d rather be.’ where the exact lines on my head during those moments; sitting there, with and in Tsubomi’s arms, pinning her to the tree of an undetermined genus (not that I cared or that it mattered- for now), enjoying the afterglow of a mind blowing kiss.

Moments past and the heat of the moment dissipated by the night’s cool breeze… I decided it was time that I return her to her room. And the least thing I could do after dragging her out here was to escort her back all the way- just in case the sister in charge tonight decided to take her patrol tonight seriously. I stood first and helped her up, giving her a wordless peck on the cheek. The blush that had disappeared a while ago had decided to return to her face with a vengeance… it was so amusingly cute.

We quietly walked back into the dorm. Luckily, we didn’t run into the sister in charge and I was saved from partially lying to a servant of God. When we reached her door… she seemed hesitant to open the door and enter.

“Tsubomi?” I called out, a hint wonder and worry wrapped with my voice. She turned to me and looked like she wanted to say or ask something. And I’m sure it had something to do within the lines of our relationship.

I kissed softly on her forehead and wished her a good night. Giving her a warm smile I opened her door for her which I gently pushed her through and sneaked my head in. I asked for my bag, which she immediately nodded on and turned to her desk to pick up, while my eyes quickly scanned if her roommate was present and my inner smile turned to one of mischief when I found that she wasn’t. Tsubomi returned handing me my bag and in one swift move I opened the door a touch wider took a small step in and quickly stole a kiss from her lips.

She blushed, surprised… I’m sure I wouldn’t have been, but I found it cute nonetheless.

I then said to her, “Let’s go out again sometime.” in a soft secretive whisper and winked my left eye, with held more than enough mischief that she’d probably have trouble sleeping, before I closed the door as soon as my head had cleared the door frame.

I didn’t move at first. Probably I was expecting that she would rush out and ask questions… but she didn’t. Instead…

“YES!!!” I heard her yell out quite loudly.

She repeated the word about more than a half dozen times, the sound of her feet landing on the floor with a few dull thumps- a sign of an excited hop- before a louder thump and some springs which I’d guess would have been when she jumped on her bed. A snicker escaped my lips but I was somehow able to maintain control of myself and all that came out was a sound almost like a soft choke. I quickly made my escape back to our room.

When I got to the second floor I was force to wait for a few minutes, because the sister was lecturing someone at the other end of the hallway… either for being noisy or some other infraction…

I sneezed silently. It was then that I realized that I was starting to feel a little chilled. And of course, I would be considering I was wearing the smallest of clothes in my dresser. I had not expected to take too long with my small excursion after all. It was just suppose to be an apology, gratitude and a gift drop off… but what did I get? I get molested, technically speaking, by Hikari’s suppose to be girlfriend no less, which would have been enough of a reason to kill her… I’ll have to talk to Hikari about her girlfriend’s “tendencies” if I ever get the chance and courage too.

The sister was finally done lecturing the occupants of a room and slowly continued her rounds, which… much to my dismay too longer than I would have liked it to be. And when she was finally done and moved up to the third floor rooms I rushed to our room as quietly as possible.

When I entered Hikari looked at me, her face had questions all over it… most of them I’m not sure I could answer with honesty. She opened her mouth to say something but then… I sneeze, loud and strong.

“ACHOOO!” suddenly I didn’t feel so good. That headache earlier returned with a vengeance and now brought some reinforcements in the form of what I’d say was a cold. I cursed inwardly, feeling stupid for getting sick…

I didn’t see Hikari move and only noticed that she was close to me soon after the first sneeze. She was holding a box of tissues to me at looking at me with an examining eye. Her lips slowly turned to a frowned before she said, “I think you have cold, Yaya-chan.”

“Really?” my voice made it sound like a bad thing… not that it wasn’t. But was almost funny actually… I was feeling so hot earlier after all, who would have thought… I’d catch a cold after all ‘that’.

Hikari leaned closer and placed a hand on my head but quickly lifted it away then said, “You’re burning up!” she sounded almost lecturing. Yet for a moment… her comment on what should have been my fever, my beginning to be delusional brain took as the complement: “You’re hot!” of course I shrugged the silly thought almost instantly after I heard my inner voice giggle.

I’m not exactly sure what happened after that. I couldn’t recall any memory of what happen between that and finding myself on my bed. The room was dark, cold and oddly dank. And it made me feel horrible. It was that hateful feeling of being hot yet at the same time very cold that I hated from feverish illnesses, colds and the flu most common of them. I sneezed again… and again and again…

A lamp from Hikari’s side of the room lit up and I immediately heard her sheets flying. She rushed to my side with the tissue box on one hand, which she wordlessly offers for me to use. A very welcome gesture. I quickly sat up grabbed a few pieces from the box and blew my nose. I think I swore just then, that this day couldn’t get any worse but then it donned to me… it was early morning. I swore again inside, this day could get worse.

With a sigh I laid back down only to miss my pillow just enough to hit my head on the head board.

“IIIITTTAAAAaaaaa….” I screamed, hissed and winced. Tears of pain daring to trickle from my eyes as both my hands shot up to the back of my head and tried to eased the suffering… (Again)

I heard a giggle, a very soft and muffled giggle. And with no else in the room… I’m sure it was Hikari. I turned to her and true enough she was hiding her smile behind the box of tissue. I just looked at her eyes with a bit of resentment and dropped the issue before it can begin. My lungs were disgusting, my head ache and my whole body was a mix of overheating and near clammy cold parts. And I just that didn’t feel up to lecturing her.

“I’m sorry. Yaya-chan, that was mean of me.” she apologized anyway, which surprisingly made me think of the pain a touch bit less. She then moves away and takes something out of the cupboards. I am a bit surprised when she returns with a glass of…

“Orange Juice?” I looked at her in disgust. I hated orange juice… I have no idea why, but I do. I gently placed my hand on hers and tried to push it away.

“I know… But it’s good for your cold. I’ll give you some water to wash it down with after you drink some medicine.” She said in a calm sweet voice, that I’m sure was all in my head. In my head I swore and hope the medicine was strong enough to kill the taste of the orange… because it seems like Hikari wasn’t going to take “No” for an answer.

I took the glass from her hand; stared at the tangy looking liquid inside… and noted with growing disgust that its pulp was still there. I felt sicker. I turned to Hikari and asked, “Do I really have to?” in a whiney voice.

She just looked at me knowingly, trying not to smile at my futile attempts to get out of drinking the damn thing.

I sighed in defeat. “Can’t blame a sick girl for trying…” I looked at the liquid again and summoned all my courage, in one swift move I place the glass on my lips and did my best to finish the damn thing with as few gulps as possible before my taste buds kicked in. And when it was done, Hikari was laughing at my disgusted expression as I scratched and rubbed my tongue onto my teeth trying to remove as much of the foul liquid from it.

She takes the glass and hands me smaller glass that we usually save for measuring small liquids, like the nearly transparent purplish liquid medicine in it now. I took it without being told and drank… almost savoring its taste for it sure tasted better than the orange to me.

“Here’s some water.” she hands me a small bottle of water, whose contents was emptied down my throat. She quickly takes the glass and the bottle from me and tells me to get back to bed. I complied after a weak and brief nod. Once I had lain down and Hikari had placed the glasses I had use into our small sink she heads back to her bed and turns off the light.

I’m not sure how long my consciousness lingered before I fell asleep. But hours later… I woke up breaking in a fit of dry and hoarse coughs.

Hikari rushed to my side, still in her pajamas, with a worried look on her face. “Yaya-chan?!...” She looked around before asking, “Would you like some water?”

I nodded very weakly. I would have preferred some tea or hot milk… but I didn’t feel up to making a request and was just glad she didn’t offer the orange juice. She lifts my head a bit and slowly makes me sip the lukewarm liquid. I gag a little when it passes the wrong way once in a while but I managed to drink the whole serving. Hikari then moves away, after gently setting my head back on my pillow, and I slowly found myself sipping to unconsciousness.

But before I could, Hikari sakes me awake. I looked at her weakly, one eye barely opened, she was kneeling on the floor holding another glass of water and a serving of the medicine again. “Yaya-chan! You should drink some medicine before going back to sleep.”

I just shook my head. I didn’t want to drink anymore. But she raised my head, and placed the glass near my lips. I refused to drink the medicine. It was hard headed of me… but I didn’t think I could bare anymore liquid slither down my throat.

My persistence paid off… Hikari’s voice sounded lecturing and a touch angry… but I wasn’t really listening. And she took the glass of medicine away from my mouth. I thanked someone… who in particular escapes me, but let’s assume its God anyway. But then something happens that I certainly never saw coming.

Hikari presses her lips into mine…