Notes: Though I'm not the best one to do it, I couldn't help but try. I really love Sachiko and Shizuma and wanted to see what would happen if they happened to be in the same place. No beta, so forgive any mistakes. Thanks for reading. -x Spoilers for Strawberry Panic and Maria-sama. "Goodbye, onee-sama." "Yumi... I love you." I clutch my cold rosary in my hands as tears stream down my cheeks. I feel myself falling, my knees scraping and cutting on the concrete beneath them. Strong hands lift me up to hold me steady. My fellow Roses, concerned only for our reputation, try to calm me down. Shimako understands, I think, though she would never show it the way I am. Dirty and groveling. Desperate. After all, a lady never would act so childish in front of others. I'm led back into the rose mansion and fall back to the ground where Rei sets me down. To lose the two people I love the most in a week. The death of my grandmother I survived only because of Yumi. Yumi who has just told me of her new relationship with last years Rosa Gigantea, Satou Sei. Have I done something to deserve this? Yes, I know I have. I treated her as if she was unimportant. Expecting her to stay at my side and continue to give while I did nothing but take. I was unable to accept how I felt and pushed her away until she finally got fed up. I deserve this and here I am, the girl who never even laughs, sniveling on the floor having a pity party. Some lady indeed. "I'm sorry everyone. Please don't worry, I'm fine now," I say as Rei extends her hand to me, helping me to stand. I wipe the last of my tears away and smile, feeling embarassed to have been seen in such a weak moment in front of the other Roses and their petite soeurs. "Yoshino, Noriko, please give us a few minutes alone to discuss some things," Shimako says in her gentle way and for a minute my heart breaks again as I watch Noriko squeeze her hand before leaving. Even Rei and Yoshino have found their happiness, though they still fight over the stupidest things. "Sachiko..." "I know, Rei. I'm sorry to have acted in such a way where the students could see. I seem to have lost my mind for a moment," I laugh very softly, trying to convince all of us that I'm okay now. The last thing I want right now is to be reprimanded for my actions. Just because I am Rosa Chinensis does not mean I'm not prone to human emotion from time to time. "If you need anything, we're here for you of course. Yumi will no longer be given permission to enter the rose mansion, however unless she is accompanied by Sei, who as former Rosa Gigantea has permission at anytime regardless," Shimako reminds me. "Though I don't think it will be a problem, since she has yet to come back on campus," adds Rei. "But there is one thing we need to take care of..." "As you know, as Rosa Chinensis you will need to find a new petite soeur as soon as possible. We wont force you into it right away, of course. But just as you did with Noriko and I, we may need to get involved if you do take too long. So just keep your eyes open, alright?" "I will. Now please, go enjoy your afternoon. I would like some time alone to think and get myself together before I face everyone out there." They listen and leave, for which I am thankful. I look around the room and memories of Yumi flood me once more. Even if I thought I had a chance, I would never fight Sei to take away her happiness. If anything, I only understand better how she felt after losing Shiori. Maybe one day I can get her to tell me how I'm supposed to keep smiling for everyone in school when she has broken everything inside of me. I suppose this is what I deserve, for pretending to be the pefect lady. ---- Three months in this school and I've managed to stay out of the spotlight. It's exactly what I have wanted after everything that has happened. Though I've lost most of my friends I don't regret my choice to leave Miator. They all think I've run away, which I suppose I have but not for the reasons they think. Yes, it's painful to be reminded of Kaori everywhere I go at that school. To see the tree we stood under when she first kissed me, to see the stage where we became Etoile together. But the real reason I left was because I couldn't stand everyone's pity. I hated seeing them look at me as if I was a piece of porcelin, as if I would shatter if they were to only touch me. I know my heart isn't the only one that will ever break. Watching Rosa Chinensis today is proof enough of that alone. I'm not ready to open my heart to anyone but it doesn't mean I'm so pathetic that I can't be sympathetic to anothers pain. I don't need people to put a smiling face on to protect me. Thats why I am here at Lillian. Here where no one knows who I am or what has befallen me. Finally I am an equal. I'm not held up like a God or protected like a small fragile child. I have tried to keep away from anything involving school politics, but maybe, just maybe, it's time to go make a new friend and put some of my old charm to use. Just because I can't fix my own broken heart doesn't mean I can't help anothers heal, right? And so I go, marching into the forbidden Rose Mansion to convince a complete stranger that there are still reasons to smile even after your heart has been ripped away from you. As I enter the meeting room I notice Rosa Chinensis with her head down on the desk, not even bothering to look up at me. I watch her for a few seconds, noticing how fragile she appears when her guard is set aside. Not that I would ever treat her as if she was, considering how much I despise that treatment from others as well. "Rosa Chinensis get up," I call out to her finally. She jumps at the sound of a stranger's voice in her protected mansion and looks cooly at me. "Yes? I do believe you don't have permission to be in here, Shizuma-san." "You know my name, I'm impressed, Sachiko-sama." "It's my job as Rosa Chinensis to know my students is it not? Is there something I can help you with or have you just come to visit?" She motions for me to take a seat but I decline and walk over to her instead. In response she stands as well and pretends to look out the window. I can see her stare from the corner of her eye though, something post people probably would not catch. A real lady, isn't she? "I want to offer you some advice," I say before even thinking about it. I stop next to her, close enough for her to feel my presence but not close enough to touch. "I think you will find that my knowledge of student council duties is extensive after being the Etoile in my previous school." "Yes, I've heard of you but I'm afraid that isn't how things work in this school. The Roses don't take advice from outsiders. Has anyone bothered to explain the way the Yamayurikai is set up to you?" "I know how it works. I'm not asking to be your petite soeur, after all. We are in the same year. I just simply would like you to listen to suggestion or two, regarding the fall out between yourself and Yumi-san." "I don't know how you know so much of my personal affairs but I think it would be best if you were to leave now, Shizuma-san. I do not enjoy people getting involved in matters that hold no concern for them." I watch her struggle within herself for a moment, trying to keep hold of her composure, so ready to burst at the seams with built up emotions. How much she reminds me of myself after I lost Karoi I cannot begin to say, but her strength to keep it in I find beautiful and delicate. For a moment, just a slight second I allow myself to really look at her and am shocked to find my own instincts kick in telling me only protect her. I can feel that she is fighting the same battle I did, of who she is taught to be against who she wants to be. Finally she realizes her struggle to form words is a lost battle and motions to the door; and I know better than to push things... too much. Before walking out I turn around and lean against the door frame. "Just keep in mind Sachiko-sama, people here adore you, like it or not. This will stir up things, quite a bit. Do you really wish to have people speculating and spreading rumors, whispering in each others ears as you walk past? "All I wanted you to know is that people will get over it a lot quicker if they think that you and Yumi had a mutual decision to end things. If you let them see how broken your heart is they will never let you forget it, reminding you day after day of your loss thinking they can console you with apologies and kissing your ass. It gets tiring playing the victim. Why do you think I came to this school?" I leave her to chew on that, knowing of course that she would never accept me into her life so easily. And why should she? She isn't the kind of person to make friends easily or drop her guard around strangers. Thats why I need to tread lightly. As for what I get out of it? A beautiful distraction from my own misery. ---- The last few days have proven true what Shizuma warned me of. Not that I mind, I'm used to people competing for social status and trying to find ways to bring me down to their pathetic level. If the students want to snicker let them, I am still Rosa Chinensis and they will respect me like it or not. I will not allow them to bring me down and further than Yumi has already done. No, that is unfair. No further down than I have brought myself in my ignorance of other peoples emotions. Not that I have been actively seeking, but I haven't seen Shizuma since that day either. I still don't know if I should be angry or happy about her intrusion into my personal life. She may as well have just burst in and said, "Hi, I'm Shizuma; congrats on fucking up your life! Let me tell you a thing or two that'll help with that." To top it all off? I still see Yumi every morning on the way in and feel everything shatter all over again. She tried yesterday to make polite conversation, and though I wanted to throw myself at her I restrained, instead trying to focus on how proud I was of her ability to act so grown up in the face of all the hurt. Or was it easy for her? After all, her heart wasn't broken now was it? She always had Sei's arms to run to for a quick fix. As if it could sense my growing frustration and anger the final bell rings for the day and I let out a sigh of relief. All I have to do is keep it together for another hour or so at the mansion and then I can let go. Or should I just let go now, since keeping everything bottled up is what cost me Yumi in the first place? How would the students like me then, if they saw how broken I really was? I feel a hand suddenly gripping my wrist and let out a quiet gasp of air. "Got a minute?" I hear Shizuma's voice ask before my eyes even find their way to her face. "Good," she tugs my wrist and leads the way before I have even answered; noticing only how everyone in my class is staring at the two of us. How bold she is, to walk into my class and drag me out of it without even allowing me to say a word. Yet my feet are moving. Why? I don't even know this girl but suddenly I'm feeling so suffocated beneath everyone's gaze. Yes, they're whispering again, but what about now? Before it was never like this, not on this level. Sure, I had a few fans who would get excitable when I walked by but it seems the whole school is watching my every move as of late. "Where are we going Shizuma-san?" I ask finally, forcing myself to keep my head up with a defiant look of pride as we walk out of the school. "Somewhere special," she says simply, giving me a smile and for the first time I notice why it's no surprise she has so quickly worked her way up the popularity chain. She really does have a beautiful face. "I have a meeting with the yamayurikai, I can't play games now Shizuma-san." I stop walking but she doesn't let go of my wrists. Instead she moves closer and begins to whisper in my ear. "Rei-san is in my class. She said I get to have my way with you this afternoon." I feel my face flush at her words and push her away from me. "Shizuma-san please behave yourself. You know I have no desire to even joke of such things right now, assuming I were even the type to talk such filth. If you have something to say, say it. Otherwise I will be going to my meeting now." "Uh uh," she shakes her head and grabs my wrist again, once more tugging me along. I sigh in resignation; obviously she isn't going to be giving up on this. She leads me through a clearing of trees to a small pond on the outskirts of the school's boundaries. Finally she lets go of my wrist and I look at her expectantly, waiting to hear what is so important. "You need to get Yumi back as your petite soeur, Sachiko-sama." "You drug me out here for that? Really Shizuma-san you could have said that back in the school. And Yumi is the one who left me, not the other way around. Why should I ask her back? So I can sit there next to her every day and suffer? Is that what you want? For me to make myself miserable?" "It's not like that, Rosa Chinensis. I'm only trying to help you. The students are saying that you kicked her out of the yamayurikai, and rejected her as your petite soeur after you found out about her relationship with the former Rosa Gigantea." She sits down on the grass and says nothing more, giving me time to digest what she has just told me. Have all the students turned so quickly on me? What do they know of anything, anyways? The gossiping little bastards. "Do you know anything about my position at my previous school, Sachiko-sama?" "Only what Rei has explained, which isn't much." I sit down next to her and try to focus my thoughts on something other than the fact that my life is growing worse by the day. If nothing else at least Shizuma tends to be a slight distraction from it, though I still can't tell if I like her or if she is just too meddlesome for her own good. "I was quite the star, you know. I attended on of three schools that were connected by the same dorms. All three schools worked together for events, and also provided competition for each other to strive to do our best. Last year I was selected to be Etoile, which is like being one of the Roses here at Lillian." She looks over at me to see if I'm actually listening and I think we are both surprised to find that I'm actually interested in what she is telling me. Aside from the yamayurikai, no one really approaches me, much less forces their way into my life. The weird thing is that I've never really noticed it until now. I smile and nod, silently urging her on. "When one runs for Etoile, you get to choose a partner. When we won the election, it was the happiest time of my life. Not only were we loved by the students of all three schools, we loved each other. But she had health problems and before the year was over she passed away. "Our job as Etoile was to be there for the students of each school. Whether it was to cheer them on for a sporting event, greet new students, shake hands, deliver flowers or sit through boring policy work from the student council it was all on my shoulders as Etoile. When Kaori died I lost everything. And what do you do when you have nothing? You start over. So here I am." I listen to her story and feel my heart breaking further. Is she trying to tell me I should be thankful Yumi is still alive and healthy? Is she trying to tell me to get over myself? Does she just need someone to talk to? I've never found myself in this sort of situation before, so I don't know how to properly react. "I'm sorry about your loss, Shizuma-san. I had no idea you've been through so much. But why tell me all of this?" "Because I never realized the true meaning of Etoile until just this week. When you're at the top and everything falls apart there is no one left to hold your hand and help you through it. You have to smile and pretend everything is okay for everyone else with no one to look out for you. I never understood how much the students depended on me until I saw how they've reacted to your situation. "You're not just some girl they all have a crush on, or want to be like. They look to you for hope. If you can smile kindly at them, or encourage them, or show them how hard situations can be handled they learn from it and come to feel a sort of affection despite the fact they don't really know you. I gave up and ran away. "I failed my students Sachiko-sama. I just don't want to see you do the same. They need you to give them hope for their own bad situations. I need hope; for my own bad situation." She smiles sadly at me and I try to take in everything she says. I suppose I have never thought about the emotional aspect of being Rosa Chinensis. I thought it was my job to hold my head up and make sure things went smoothly for the students. I don't even deal well with my own feelings much less know how to be some sort of emotional revolutionairy for everyone else. "What does Yumi being my petite soeur have to do with anything? Why can't we just tell people the truth of what happened?" "Because the students came to adore Yumi as well, from what I gather. I have never met her myself. I've only seen her around but haven't found a reason to approach her. Everyone wants a happy ending right? You two were the picture perfect sisters. Now it's shattered and so is their hope. As Rosa Chinensis, as much as it sucks, it's your job to deal with it and get her back, at least as petite soeur." I suppose I can see her point, but I don't think I'm strong enough to have Yumi at my side as only my petite soeur. What if she talks about Sei while she is there? Will I be able to keep the tears in? I snap out of my thoughts as Shizuma stands up and offers her hand to help me up. I look up at her for a moment wondering if she is some sort of blessing in disguise, here to help me hold things together. For the first time, I genuinely smile at her as I take her hand and allow her to help me up. "You realize, if I do what you say, you have to stick around and help me through it. I don't do emotional well, if you haven't noticed." "Oh let me guess, you're more of a strong silent type?" We both laugh and finally I find that I feel comfortable with her. Most surprisingly, I find that I trust her. "So we're going to have to find a position in the yamayurikai for you," I say as we walk back to the school. "So long as it doesn't involve paperwork, I'm all yours," she said with a grin. And with that, my life quickly began to change. More to come in the future, expect the the cast of Maria-sama to show up full force in the next chapter. :)
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