Author's Note: Wow, twenty chapters! Who ever thought a silly little series like this would last as long as it has? I owe it of course to all of you who've been reading since the beginning and sending in reviews. And so, as a way to celebrate the twentieth, I'm going to give you all the story you've been waiting for... ------ ---Omake Twenty: The Duel!--- "Hello and welcome to Celebrity Death Match!" the handsome announcer said with a smile, "I'm of course Johnny Gomez, and sitting next to me in the announce booth as always is fellow announcer Nick Diamond." "Thanks Johnny." Diamond said, "Tonight we have a very special first match, taking place all the way across the Pacific in Japan! We are going there now via satellite to our guest announce team. From the Japanese hit show Most Extreme Elimination Challenge, here are Kenny Blankenchip and Vic Romano." ---- Suddenly the screen shot changes to an arena full of screaming Japanese fans surrounding a large wrestling ring. The camera then pans over to two men in kimonos holding folded up fans. The two men are surrounded by men and women in silly-looking costumes. "Thank you Diamond-san." Vic said as he bowed. He then turned to his fellow announcer, "Well Kenny, tonight's a very special night. Do you know why?" "Because we're going to make a panty-raid on the Outers mansion after taping is over?" "No, Kenny." Vic said as he swatted his co-host with his fan, "That would be both stupid and highly dangerous. It's because tonight, instead of hosting our regular show where we challenge contestants both physically and mentally by having them play crazy and challenging games, we're going to host a Japanese version of Death Match." "Oh yeah. And what a fight we have! On the one hand, there's the beautiful young Senshi with a fiery disposition and a big heart, Sailor Mars. And on the other side there's the flower tossing, cane hitting Tuxedo Kamen." "That's right Ken. For those watching at home, a bit of history might be helpful. You see, both Sailor Mars and Tuxedo Kamen are hopelessly in love with the future Queen of Crystal Tokyo, Sailor Moon. The young blonde in question has been placed under a sleeping spell by one of the Senshi's many enemies, and is laying asleep near ringside." "Right you are Vic. The only thing that can wake her is true love's kiss. And both Sailor Mars and Tuxedo Kamen will fight to the death tonight for the right to lock lips with..." Kenny Blankenchip's voice was suddenly drowned out as loud cheering roared from the crowd, "Vic I think... Yes, it's Sailor Mars! Sailor Mars is making her way down the isle to the ring. Just listen to that ovation!" "Yes, and as the crowd favorite waves to her fans, we're going to go down to our field reporter, Guy LeDouche, who's already in the audience." ---- A small man with a thin mustache and wearing a pith helmet is now seen in the midst of the cheering fans who are clapping as Sailor Mars makes her way through the ring ropes. "Hello, this is Guy LeDouche here, and I'm standing next to three fans now. You miss," he said to a young lady with a flying squirrel resting on her shoulder, "What brings you here tonight?" "Mmmm..." the young lady sighed as she munched contentedly on something, "The free dumplings, what else? I... (sniff sniff) Nope," she said disappointedly, "You don't smell like sunflowers either." "Fuu, please." A samurai sporting a pair of glasses said, "Two brave young warriors are about to duel to the death. The least you could do is try to show some restraint during this upcoming..." "Stuff it Jin!" a third man said, his dark hair sticking up wildly at all angles, "I'm here to see two people who hate each other beat the living crap out of one another!" "Mugen," the samurai in the spectacles said disgustedly, "Why must you always act like a buffoon?" "Buffoon, eh?" Mugen said angrily as he whipped out his sword. Jin responded by pulling his own sword from its sheath. "Ut oh." the field reporter said as fans began hastily trying to get away from the two now fighting samurai, "This is Guy LeDouche reporting. Back to you Vic and Kenny." ---- Sailor Mars sat down in her corner of the ring, shaking a bit from nerves as Sailors Jupiter and Uranus came up to give her a last minute pep talk. She looked over to Uranus and smiled gratefully. Haruka had taken her to a lesbian nightclub she and Michiru went to all the time and, as Rei had looked on silently, announced to everyone present the upcoming death match. When she asked for volunteers to help Rei train, the temple priestess was almost overwhelmed with street fighters, weapons experts and martial artists volunteering. She made new friends as well. One of whom, a pink-haired sword expert and high school acquaintance of the owner of the place, was sitting in the front row with her longtime girlfriend who was wearing glasses. The swordswoman, Utena, was a very outgoing person whom Rei got along with almost immediately. Her girlfriend though sometimes gave the Fire Senshi the creeps. Rei looked out to see the other Senshi all seated near her corner of the ring. All except... "Ruka-kun?" Sailor Mars asked, "Where are Taru-chan and Chibi Usa?" "They're at the mansion with Chibi Chibi." the sandy-blonde Senshi answered. "They're trying to de-program the little gangsta bitch." Makoto added. ---Meanwhile, Back at the Outer's Mansion--- Young Hotaru pulled a spray bottle of water out as Chibi Usa wandered into the Outers living room accompanied by Chibi Chibi. The future daughter of Usagi had grown up quite a bit since she'd last visited the past, and Hotaru suddenly caught herself staring at her best friend's now developing physique. "Well." Chibi Usa began, "I've got the cornrows out, and finally cleaned the green off her skin where all those gold chains were. I even managed to get rid of the gold caps in her mouth and the 'Pimp Chalice'." Hotaru gave her friend a look, "Little Chibi Chibi had a pimp chalice?" Chibi Usa nodded, "It was a gold and diamond-encrusted sippy cup." "Oh, I see." Hotaru nodded with a smile. Chibi Usa suddenly became transfixed; she'd never noticed how sweet her friend looked when she smiled before. "Well," Hotaru continued, "Phase one is now over. We're now about to enter phase two, the behavior modification." she then turned to the small child, "Hello Chibi Chibi, how are you feeling today?" she asked sweetly. "Chibi Chibi biiiyyyyaaa..." the child was cut off as Hotaru sprayed her with the water. "No!" the Senshi of Death said firmly, "We do not say bad words like that." Chibi Chibi suddenly looked sad. "Ch... Chibi Chibi biiiyy..." Spray. "No!" Hotaru said again. As the child began to sulk, Chibi Usa came over and sat next to her best friend. Normally the two were able to share anything, but now there was an awkward silence hanging between them. Finally, Hotaru spoke. "Ch... Chibi Usa." she began, "Why, well... Why do you suppose everyone in this series has turned out to be a lesbian?" Chibi Usa looked at her friend silently for a few seconds, losing herself in Hotaru's eyes. "Well," the pink-haired young girl finally began, "One theory could be that, since Usagi and only Usagi is the princess, and therefore meant to be with the only male, Mamoru, that in order to prevent possible rivals to the throne fate made all the other Senshi lesbians." "You mean like a bee's nest?" the Senshi of Death asked, "That doesn't make sense though, since Rei-chan's in love with Usagi." "Oh yeah," Chibi Usa conceded, "Well, there's also the argument that, since we're basically eternal, who else are we going to fall in love with?" Hotaru frowned at that, "That seems a bit shallow." she said. "I know." Chibi Usa admitted, "Look, I don't know why Ami loves Mako-chan or Mina-chan loves your Setsuna-mama or I love you, but I..." "What?" Hotaru asked, her eyes suddenly widening, "What did you just say?" "I said I... I love you." Chibi Usa said, "I mean, you were my first and still are my best friend. And now, I..." "Chibi-chan," Hotaru whispered, placing a hand on the pink-haired girl's cheek as she began to lean forward, "I..." "Chibi Chibi biiiyyyyaa..." Spray. "Not now!" Hotaru shouted. ------ "Hey Vic, I don't get it. When's the fight supposed to begin?" "Well Kenny, we're waiting for a ref and for the arrival of Tuxedo Kamen. And let me tell you, trying to find someone insane enough to want to get in the ring with those two has... Wait a minute Kenny, I'm receiving word... Yes, we do have a ref. He's coming to the ring now." ---- "Humph, you and Mugen can't go more than four minutes without trying to kill one another." "That's still three minutes longer than you can go without being kidnapped." Jin said as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Oh har har." Fuu said. She then looked around. "Hey, where IS Mugen?" "Knowing him, either drunk or chasing after some floozy with big..." the samurai's voice drifted off as he stared slack-jawed at the ring. Fuu, curious, turned to see what was happening. "Oh my god..." she gasped. ---- "Okay babe." Mugen said to Sailor Mars as he stepped through the ropes, his sword draped over his shoulder and a bottle of sake clutched in his free hand, "The producers promised me forty thousand yen, plus all the sake and fried dumplings I could consume if I refereed this little bitch-slap of yours. So get the other loser out here so we can..." Suddenly, Mugen was cut off as a rose flew down from the ceiling. As the lights panned up, Tuxedo Kamen leapt from the rafters, using his cape like a parachute as he made a perfect landing in the ring in front of Sailor Mars. "Right!" Mugen shouted, trying to be heard above the chorus of boos being directed at Tuxedo Kamen, "Here's the deal; I'm going to sit in that corner of the ring over there and drink my sake. Either of you two bitches annoy me, I'll slice you in half. Whenever one of you gets killed, let me know and I'll declare you the winner, I guess." And with that, the Samurai went over to sit in one of the ring's corners to begin the process of getting drunk. "Sailor Mars!" Tuxedo Kamen yelled, "I cannot stand by and allow you to win my destined bride away by killing me. For killing others is wrong, especially when they are the destined future king of Crystal Tokyo and..." ---Five Minutes Later--- "...and if you paid any attention to shoujo-ai anime series that are already out there, you'd know they never have happy endings anyways. Shoujo-ai stories are always about angsty one-sided romances and unrequited love, so you'd be doing both yourself and Sailor Moon a favor if you gave up now and..." ---Ten minutes Later--- "Vic, what in the hell is Tuxedo Kamen doing? Why hasn't the fight started yet?" "I'm not sure Kenny, he just seems to be going on and on." ---- "And if you look at this pie chart I brought with me in my tux, you'll see..." "For crying out loud, fight already!" Mugen shouted irritably from his corner of the ring, "Hey lady, shut him up or something, I... Lady? Hey, lady!" ---- "Wait a second Ken, look at Sailor Mars!" "What the... Her eyelids are halfway closed and she's drooling." "Exactly Ken! Tuxedo Kamen has intentionally given the most aggravatingly boring introductory threat of his life in order to hypnotize Sailor Mars into a catatonic state! He now appears to be leaving the ring and, what's he doing now?" "He's searching for something under the ring, Vic. It appears to be a... a cane wrapped in barbed wire!" "Yes Ken. Taking a page from the hardcore Japanese wrestlers, Tuxedo Kamen has wrapped his trademark cane in barbed wire, and as Sailor Mars' corner is shrieking for her to come out of her trance, he's beginning to stalk towards her, a maliciously maniacal smile on his face." "Well who can blame him Vic? Nineteen deaths in a row is enough to make anyone malicious." ---- "Mugen!" a voice cried out, "You've got to stop this!" "Fuu," Mugen said angrily as he took another swig of sake, "What are you talking about? It's a death match; what difference does it make how he kills the broad?" "There is honor in hand-to-hand physical combat." Jin said as he came alongside Fuu, "There is honor in a swordfight to the death. There is no honor in a man clubbing a hypnotized woman to death with a cane wrapped in barbed wire. Not that you'd know anything about honor." Mugen looked at his traveling companion angrily, "WHAT did you just say, you four eyed..." "You have no honor. You're drunk, obnoxious, scruffy, and you smell like piss." Jin said in his usual monotone. "That's it!" Mugen shouted as he leapt out of the ring, sword drawn, at Jin. ---- "Hey Vic, what happened to our ref?" "I'm not sure Kenny, but as Tuxedo Kamen finally reaches Sailor Mars, I wish to caution any parents out there that they should remove their children from the room or change the channel. This will not be pretty." "Right Vic, and... Oh boy, Tuxedo Kamen's is gearing up to hit her, and... Wait, there's a samurai wearing a pair of glasses leaping backwards into the ring. What's going on?" "I don't know Ken, but the ref is leaping after him, and... Ladies and gentleman, we seem to have an impromptu samurai showdown in the middle of this death match." ---- "That's it!" Mugen shouted again, "I ain't waiting until this journey's over, I'm killin' ya now!" "What the..." Tuxedo Kamen asked, "What's going on here? I'm trying to..." he stopped when he saw that Jin and Mugen were battling around Sailor Mars, their blades passing within inches of the mesmerized young woman's body. He smiled, realizing that all it would take was one bad swing and his opponent would be dead. "No!" a woman from the crowd shrieked. Suddenly Tenjou Utena, sword in hand, leapt into the fray to protect Sailor Mars. When Sailor Uranus then went into the ring as well with her space sword, the fighters began to move as a group away from Sailor Mars and towards Tuxedo Kamen. That's when all hell broke loose. "Oh shit!" the masked hero shouted as he suddenly started pulling dozens of roses out of his suit, tossing them around like ninja shuriken. The crowd cheered madly as they got into the battle going on in the ring more and more. One of the roses then landed on the pink-haired duelist Utena's jacket as another imbedded itself on Mugen's rough shirt. "Damn you!" Mugen shouted at Jin, "This is all your fault!" "I don't care whose fault it is!" Sailor Uranus shouted, "The two of you are both beginning to piss me off. You wouldn't like me when I'm pissed!" "Both of you, leave this." Jin said firmly, "This is no concern of yours." "The hell it isn't!" Utena growled. Mugen then rushed forward swinging his sword madly as Jin forced Utena into a brief tactical retreat of a few feet. SLASH! The once cheering crowd now went almost dead quiet as a rose fell to the ring surface. Mugen turned around, only to see the pink haired woman with the sword on her knees, staring in disbelief at the rose lying on the mat. He was about to go back after Jin, when he felt a small tapping on his shoulder. Whirling around, he saw a purple-haired young woman in glasses smiling up at him vacantly. Sailor Jupiter took advantage of the chaos to run into the ring over to Sailor Mars. ---- "Rei-chan!" she cried out no avail. As Mars continued to stare off into space, Jupiter reached into her fuku and pulled out a photo to show her. It was of Usagi, floating above the ground naked from the season finale of Sailor Stars. Sailor Mars suddenly shook her head and blinked her eyes as she came out of her trance. "Who... What... Mako-chan? What happened?" "It's Mamo-kun. He hypnotized you with his aura of dullness. You've got to strike now!" ---- "Rose Bride, huh?" Mugen asked, "Can you cook dumplings, uh... Anthy, right?" "Cook? No." the young woman in the glasses answered, "But I can make shaved ice." "Stop right there!" a blue haired young man shouted as he ran out of the crowd and into the ring, "This isn't the school grounds, he isn't a member of the school council, and he doesn't even have a signet ring!" he shouted, holding up his hand to show a ring with a rose design in it. "Interesting ring." Mugen murmured, "And who the hell are you supposed to be?" "I'm Karou Miki, and I..." THWAK! As the young man who now sported a black eye fell backwards, Mugen snatched his ring and put it on. "Now then," the drunken samurai began, "Seeing as how we're now engaged, I..." "Tuxedo Kamen!" a furious voice shouted. Everyone in the ring turned to see a very angry Senshi of Fire staring at the masked man standing apart from fray clutching a cane wrapped in barbed wire. "Oh no." Tuxedo Kamen murmured. "Burning Mandala!" she shouted, followed by "Mars Flame Sniper!" Sailor Mars then turned away the smoldering remains of her opponent and began to make her way over to Usagi's sleeping form. ---- "And as Sailor Mars makes her way to Sailor Moon... Vic, I can't even hear myself over the roar of this cheering crowd." "I know Kenny, I... Wait a sec, she... Yes, she has kissed Sailor Moon. The blonde's eyes are opening, and both she and Sailor Mars appear to be exchanging words." "She's probably trying to explain to Sailor Moon what's going on." "Quite possibly, I... Hold on Kenny. Sailor Moon is... She's smiling! She's smiling, and is pulling Sailor Mars in for another kiss." "Heh, cool. Two chicks are kissing." "Kenny please; show some decorum. I... Wait a second, Kenny, I'm being told there's some sort of commotion taking place in the ring. We're going back down with our field reporter Guy LeDouche. Come in Guy." ---- "This is Guy LeDouche here, and it looks as though a new problem has arisen in the ring. It seems to concern something about roses, brides, and a duel. Apparently the angry woman with the pink hair and the scruffy samurai the producers chose to be the referee in tonight's fight are about to fight each other." ---- "Wow, really? That sounds cool!" "Maybe so Ken, but this Death Match Japan is officially over. We now return you to the American studios, where our U.S. counterparts Johnny Gomez and Nick Diamond will be hosting a battle to the death between Beast Boy and Cyborg of the Teen Titans. And remember what we always say..." "Don't get eliminated!" the two hosts shouted at the same time. ---To Be Continued--- End Notes: Mugen, Jin and Fuu are from Samurai Champloo, Utena, Anthy and Miki are from Revolution Girl Utena, and Arisugawa's Locket is of course Shanejayell's. And a special shout out goes to Vampwriter for suggesting the Celebrity Death Match idea. Till next time, sayonara.
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