Foreword Hi, there. And another new fandom for me. :) It has taken me awhile to get around and finally get into CCS. I am not sure myself anymore why I never was interested in it before since I do love CLAMP’s work (a big Rayearth fan after all). But now I finally did read the manga (at least a fan-translated version) and I think I am rather addicted now. ;) This story follows the plot of the manga. I have only seen the first six episodes of the anime so far (local, German dub) and quite frankly I tend to stick to the original most of the time anyway with facts. Often anime leaves out so many important things. This is important because there is a card in this story that I know exists in the anime but not in the manga. Try to forget what you know about the additional cards in the anime, it won’t be the same. Bear with me, I finished the manga recently and have read a couple of CCS fics. Compared to my knowledge about other anime/manga, I am still trying to get a clear grasp on the characters, their feelings and thoughts (an aspect rather important to my style of writing), so it might seem a little rough here and there. I hope you still like it. This has been produced in more or less one day… if I count together the hours. I began Friday morning and finished it later today, Saturday. It’s hard to give a clear writing time as I tend to do with my other rare short stories since it hasn’t been done in one session – so I won’t. Additional Note (March 2004): This is a prequel/side story in the Soul Lights Continuum. Now enough with the intro notes. Enjoy! ****************************** M&M DreamWorks Presents The Forbidden Cards The Different Path A Soul Lights Side Story Based on the works of CLAMP Card Captor Sakura(c)CLAMP ****************************** A lone raven was steadily crowing, the sharp, barking sounds almost like a fierce protector, a fierce protector of what lay beyond the metal fence on which he was perched atop. His eyes were gleaming - malevolent one might say - eying the trio in its guarded sanctuary with wary eyes. It probably thought no less of us than the usual disturbances that had taken a hold of not only this lonely place of eternal rest but the entire world... and probably much more. That was most likely of little interest to the raven as it sat, guarding, alone but never lonely, the spirits always a detached company... I met the ruby eyes of the raven and held his gaze for a couple of seconds, satisfied only when the small creature nodded sharply once, emitting a low screech, turning away once again to look out for more... intruders. I smiled but the smile lacked emotion, bitter and twisted, barely even a ghost of what it had once been anymore. Where was no purpose for that smile anymore. For what would you smile if there was nothing left? I glanced up into the midnight sky and the angry black and crimson-tainted clouds overshadowing every light. It had been this way for a long time now. And ever since a few days ago, that was all the world would ever see. Walking silently past the rows and rows of stones, marking the resting places of those that left this world already, I could not deny the thought that maybe those that already left before everything started were better off. They had left in relative peace, most of them probably content with their time spent here. I knew that sounded rather harsh but it didn't feel particular illogical. I never quite liked graveyards. I think in my youth it was a mix of the silent longing for my mother whenever we visited her grave and the very atmosphere itself. Oniichan had forever sealed my fear of ghosts in place. Now, years later, I still felt a tiny shudder albeit knowing now that ghosts were not something you had to worry about - there were far more dangerous and scarier things out there. Now, leaving behind the neatly arranged rows of graves - the flowers everywhere already starting to wither and die from the lack of sunlight these days - I decided that I hated graveyards even more. I guess I never was someone who liked to say goodbye and this place had taken too much from me to feel even neutral about it. I passed by my parents' graves, side by side, stopping for a moment to pay my respect and make sure that Flower's magic was still working. Continuing on I did the same with Touya's. Glancing to the side my more or less monotone features softened into an expression of compassion. Yue stood in silence, not moving, as if in prayer. Maybe he was, I couldn't quite tell. Quietly slipping past him I went to the end of the row, two beautifully decorated tombstones were left, sustained by magic and protect from the darkness engulfing the world, like a tiny spot of light in an ocean of shadows... Syaoran Li 1982 - 2001 Brave and courageous, he protected his loved ones until the end. A spot of light that in the end wasn't much more than an echo, just like the light of the distant stars that reached us was an echo of a long time ago. You can see but you can't reach for it, because the moment you do, you only realize it is long gone already. Daidouji Tomoyo 1982 - 2001 A light in the darkness, always there, always giving. She was our heart, taking the burdens we could not. Her rest shall be peaceful, for if anyone, she deserves it most. A tear slipped past my eyelids, down my cheeks, before dropping to the ground at my feet unhindered. I thought I'd lost the ability to cry long ago, the endless pool finally drained dry. Yet, it still wasn't enough. The human heart was not made for that kind of torture, especially not such a young one, I mused. I could feel it even now, the soundless cry, like a crescendo bubbling to the surface to be finally released without sound because sound was incapable of doing the emotions inside justice. For days I had cried myself to sleep afterwards, asking myself, wondering where it had gone wrong, what we had done to deserve this. Nothing, I suppose. We were all just pawns in the big game after all. It was our fate. Everything would surely be alright... as long as it was convenient. I knelt down to trace the letters on the cold... dead... stone. One after another. Every word bringing a new emotion, a new memory. I let them wash over me. Years spend so innocently, without care, without the knowledge that everything would eventually be gone, far sooner than we could ever imagine. I had been so naïve back then. A part of me didn't want to regret it, but another part was filled with immeasurable guilt of the decisions I made so totally in disregard of the effect they had for those around me. These last nights I had contemplated, theorized what I could have done. But in the end, there was no simple solution. Even if I had known back then, I would have had to make a decision, people I cared about would still be hurt. It would just have been... a different path. A happier path? I didn't know. Even though the situation called for it lately, I never invoked the power to see the future. If I had known, I was sure, it would have been far more brutal. Clow had known his own death and could do nothing about it. Knowing the future was not the same as standing above it, of being untouchable. You could know everything but in the end, you also knew it would happen this way or another. And knowing that and being unable to do anything about it had to hurt far worse. Losing Syaoran and Tomoyo had been the most painful thing that ever happened to me. I was sure I would follow them soon enough, but now a different option had presented itself and I clung to it with the same fierce determination that had sparked me, driven me onwards in capturing the Clow Cards as a child, the same determination that fueled every remotely important task in my life. I thought I lost it and maybe that was true in some sense. The feeling now was... different. Tainted, desperate. It wasn't the kind of belief anymore that everything would be alright because I wished it to be. This feeling was far more... radical I suppose is the best way. I would make everything alright, no matter the cost. All that was left now was to make a choice. Then again, maybe it wasn't as much a choice anymore as it had become a decision already. I never thought I'd ever be forced to choose between them and ironically I never had to until now. But now it was inevitable... as was the decision I made. Standing up, I fingered the tiny key chain and unclasped it from around my neck. "I'm sorry, Kerberos, Yue," I said softly as I turned away from the graves to face them. The two guardians looked at me startled, not quite understanding. I expected as much. Yue seemed impassive as he studied me, but he had turned away from Touya's grave to face me, silently trying to perceive the nature of my words. Kero-chan floated in place for a moment, obviously not quite sure how to react. He was confused, that much I could tell. I was never any good with reading emotions but I was sure he had to be wondering why I would apologize. Well, he would know soon. The tiny key flared in my hands. I didn't bother to call its power just yet. "Light, Dark," I said in a firmer voice, "come forth." Two cards appeared in the air before me. One exploding into bright, yet soft light and the other into dark, calming darkness, before both formed tiny, sprite-like figures, female in nature - though I never quite asked if they really HAD a gender. The two souls of the cards knelt on one knee, heads bowed for a moment before glancing up to regard me respectfully with a compassion that always managed to warm my heart even in the darkest hour. They were bound to my heart, I knew as much. From all the cards, Light and Dark were closest to me. That is why I almost expected them to know the reason of their summon. "What do you wish of us, Mistress?" Light asked in a musical tone that was comforting but sad at the same time. They knew what was going on inside me, I was sure of that. They always seemed to know my heart, probably better than I did myself. The turmoil in my heart and soul seemed to be as evident to the two sprites as if it was the most simple thing in the world. They never told me though, making sure that I realized my own feelings rather than making the decisions for me. That was for my best, I knew, but still I wished they would have helped me realize one thing earlier. Maybe I could have at least changed that tiny, yet so important aspect of our lives. The graveyard was enveloped in silence, even the crow had stopped its shrill voice filling the area in almost periodically fashion. "Take me to Time." And the words shattered the silence like a thunderclap that had split Earth itself apart. Agitated the lone graveyard's guardian began crowing violently as if somehow completely understanding the impact of these words. I could swear Yue almost tumbled backwards, his eyes flashing in fearful understanding and... I didn't know, I was never really good with emotions, after all. Kero-chan on the other hand was ready to explode, a myriad of emotion playing over his tiny face I didn't even try to categorize. He opened his mouth to speak, probably a lecture already on his lips, but closed it again at the desperately pleading look I send him. I could see a silent war going on inside of him and it was showing outside as well in the tremors shaking the tiny body. "How do you know about...?" Yue trailed off, his voice with a note of anguish. Surely this had to seem like a déjà vu to him. Just like Clow, now me. The circumstances were different but in the end he... they would lose me as they lost their previous master. I had a dream last night. I hadn't had prophetic dreams in quite some time, not even when the true horror begun. The dream hadn't been really prophetic either, more like a revelation, the key to a door, the last door, the final way out. A tempting way, wrought with more perils and hardships as seemed to be worth the trouble. But there was nothing left that would make it a risk. This WAS my last chance. That is not what I said, I don't think the how really mattered to them anyway. Instead I focused on the two sprites again, wishing that I wouldn't have to explain my reasoning. I had never seen them as startled and frightened before which left me to believe that they hadn't exactly known my intent after all. But even though they didn't know the intent, the reasoning behind it was not lost on them. And while they denied me a lot of things they believed not to be in favor of my happiness, there was not a sliver of resistance now, as they spoke as one, "As you wish, Mistress." I felt the power swirling around me. A beautiful twilight wrapping me in a cocoon. Reality was being bend all around me as ancient seals and powerful wards were unlocked by the duo's powers. It was as my dream had told me. Alone I would have never been able to break through, only Light and Dark held the key. "Wait, let me go with you!" I heard Kero-chan shouting as the world slowly faded out around me. "I will go as well!" added Yue fiercely. I smiled, sadness and joy mingling. They had been so loyal to me. Especially Yue who had always seemed to regret choosing a new master albeit caring a lot about me. They had always been by my side, supporting me, no matter what. That was why I couldn't accept that offer. "I'm sorry, Kerberos, Yue. The consequences would be to dire for anyone else to experience." I looked at them through the haze of now multi-colored light and managed - for a tiny moment - to bring conviction to the smile in my face as I wiped away a tear from my face. "Don't worry," I almost whispered, "everything will surely be alright." ****************************** The shift was rather swift and I was surprised by how gentle the method of transport had been. Somehow, from the importance indicated by the heavy warding I had felt, I had expected a far rougher ride than that. Opening my eyes I mused that one without magic sight or senses would probably think they were still... in-between. But I could tell we had long left the pathway to this ancient chamber where one of the most powerful forces lay hidden, concealed, sealed so that it could never be used by anyone or anything. The repercussions were far too dangerous. "Are you certain that is what you wish," asked Light, her voice thick with emotion as she stared ahead into the swirl of colors that seemed to be everywhere, making up every tiny inch of the chamber. I could feel the edges but I couldn't quite perceive it. "Even Clow deemed Time to dangerous to ever be used," Dark added softly. "He couldn't destroy the card after creating it, so he sealed it away." Dark turned to me and put a hand on my shoulder. Her eyes were unusually thick with emotion. "Even if you are stronger than he ever was, there is no guarantee your wish will be granted. Time will choose whether to obey or not. You cannot force it." I smiled ruefully. "If all that I've done so far was not enough to prepare me for this moment, then I have no right to be your Mistress." Closing my eyes, I held onto a single image from not long ago, the one thing that motivated me to do this, that left me no choice in the matter. "She's always believed in me," I said quietly. "They all did. I will put this right. I HAVE TO put this right. If it means sacrificing myself in the process, so be it." I felt Dark pull away and opened my eyes to see her join Light a few steps ahead. "Very well," her opposite said and I could swear I saw a few tears glitter in her eyes. A small pang in my heart made me shudder. They loved me so much. Not out of respect or fear of my power as with Clow, but because I had always treated them as friends. They felt my sadness, my anguish at the loss I experienced and even more so... I knew without a doubt that they would support my decision without hesitation. This would be my biggest challenge. But I wasn't completely alone after all. Suddenly the kaleidoscope of colors seemed to shift and then parted, like a giant veil pulled back. My senses flared violently, overloaded with the onslaught of reactions, the enormous power I felt from the presence floating in midair before me was hard to actually grasp. I could feel the magic radiating with a magnificence in which even Light and Dark, even Kerberors and Yue, simply paled. Firming my resolve I stepped forward, the key still clasped in my right hand floated upwards over my outstretched palm. An almost eerie calm began to settle in my heart and even when the sprite-like figure above me turned a challenging gaze towards me, I only shortly stilled to return the gaze. We both knew why I was here and we both knew that I would not turn back now. "Key," I started to chant the familiar phrase, my voice firm and strong, "that hides the power of the stars! Reveal your true power to me! I, Sakura, command you by contract! RELEASE!" With a flare of power the key expanded, grew in size until it became a staff longer than myself, a golden star rested on top of it. I could feel the magic running through it. If there was one thing that I had really gotten good at over the years, then it was mastering the power inside of myself. Yet it had not been enough at the moment it mattered. This time I would succeed though. I would not fail, I could not fail. I had to succeed! Time didn't bother asking questions or trying to scare me away. I barely had time to erect a defense but felt it torn to pieces by forces far beyond my comprehension. I staggered as my whole body was assaulted by waves of temporal magic, threatening to literally tear me apart. I sank to one knee, stunned, grasping tightly onto the staff. It was hard to concentrate, hard to form a plan of attack. How could I have been so foolish? I should have made a plan, I should have anticipated that Time couldn't be beaten by willpower alone. Time was a force nearly untouchable. What could the worldly elements at my disposal do against it? Memories began crashing into my mind, too many to count or pick out a single one. Fond memories, sad memories, happy times, hard times. One moment though stood out like a brightly-lit Tokyo Tower over nighttime Tokyo. Tomoyo in my arms, dying. Syaoran was already gone, protecting us heroically but at the end even that was in vain. I hadn't had much time to grief for him but the memory still stung painfully, yet the memory of Tomoyo was simply overwhelming because too many emotions were caught up in it. *I am glad to die in Sakura's arms...* I hadn't been quite sure if I had really heard those words at first because the shock was too big and my disbelief to great. However, they had been there. And it had been that moment I understood. It had been that moment I understood everything. The realization had slammed into me like a bullet train at full speed and it HURT. Kami-sama, it still hurt and would never stop hurting. My mind had been weighed down and drowned by the feelings of shame and guilt, the terrible injustice I had done my best friend. I had been ignorant, even when I grew up, I never saw it. Maybe I never wanted to see it. Tomoyo continued giving and giving. I knew something was bothering her but she'd never let me know, always brushed it aside. And what had I done? I had lived out my fairytale - that Tomoyo had so carefully helped crafting - right in front of her eyes. Whenever I had a problem with Syaoran I went to her, not knowing what I did to her. Yes, she wanted me happy and sincerely thought I was. I wasn't even disagreeing. I was happy. I loved Syaoron. But was that fair to Tomoyo? Was it even necessary to ask that question? I could not give up! I had to make this right again! The pressure began to dim and my eyes snapped open. All the Sakura Cards were surrounding me in a circle, even Light and Dark had joined them again. They were struggling to hold Time's power back and I could feel their struggle but also their souls joining with mine, fueling my determination as much as they shared my pain. Struggling to stand again, I focused my will, staring up at Time who impassively stared back, yet there was something... expectant. *Time cannot be forced.* Did that mean the card had to willingly choose to grant my request? How was I supposed to do that? Was there some key? Some particular aspect that needed to be met? Was it even worth pondering? I had made my decision and I would go through with it. I was the strongest mage in the world, I had to be able to do it! "Everything will surely be alright." That was my magic phrase. However, it had been Tomoyo who had fueled it. It was ironic actually. Only now that she was gone, I realized that it held little meaning without her here. How could everything be alright with Tomoyo gone? That had been another of the bittersweet realizations at that moment when I held her dying form in my arms. I did love Syaroan, Tomoyo hadn't been wrong there. However, she had made one crucial mistake. I did love her too. Not as a best friend but more. I needed her to be there, support me whenever I needed it. And I could always count on her to actually be there. Even after the engagement was official and the wedding announced, she still staid. Regardless of how it must have pained her. Yet, while I loved Syaroan, there was simply no way he could compare to Tomoyo. No, I didn't mean that I loved him less because I certainly didn't. The feelings for the two of them were different and couldn't just be compared. However, there was one thing that set them apart. While I loved Syaroan and he loved me, he didn't need me. Tomoyo did need me. And - as bitter as it sounded - I didn't need Syaoran nearly as much as I needed Tomoyo. I never wanted to make a choice between them, however, this simple and at the same time astonishing realization made it all so much easier this morning, when I made my decision after the dream. It was hard and I wished I wouldn't have to, yet there was only that one path to take now. The different path. This would hurt people, it would hurt Syaoran and it hurt me already to do this to him. However, there simply was no other alternative. I could try to do it all again, preventing their deaths, but that wasn't fair to them either. Especially not to Tomoyo. She would continue to give and give, completely missing in her selfless love the one possibility that her own happiness might have had a chance to be fulfilled in the process. A memory of Tomoyo with a look of utter faith in her eyes, telling me that she knew I would always be there to save her, flashed through my mind. Rooting my wand firmly into the 'ground', I stood unyielding against the magical storm of temporal energy around the circle of cards. I didn't need words now. Without a single command uttered the cards spread out. The non-element cards formed a wider outer circle. Woody, Earthy, Fiery, Windy and Watery positioned themselves at the edges of the outer ring, thin lines of magic binding them together in a five-pointed star. Finally Light and Dark settled to my left and right, completing the perfect circle. A white flare of magic engulfed the circle and expanded, pushing back against the enormous energies as I stared up at Time, trying to focus all my feelings in one last action. I wouldn't need more. Just this one thing. I had been so selfish already in my life, especially compared to Tomoyo. This wasn't for me. This was for her. I needed to set this right, to give back the happiness I had so carelessly taken without ever asking for the price. "RETURN TO YOUR ORIGINAL FORM..." The star on the wand flared brighter than I've ever seen it do before. Time had been always in motion ever since I laid my eyes on it, flowing through shapes, positions, ages... Now it stilled for a short moment, purple eyes gazing at me in now unconcealed expectation. "And grant me this one wish," I whispered even though my voice still echoed clear and loud in the surreal chamber. "CLOW CARD!" White and golden light mingled, turning into a thick pillar of magical energy as I thrust my staff upwards, the wand touching the sprite form of the card. I closed my eyes at the brightness of the light and so I could only hear the whisper, like the wind rustling through leaves or water gently flowing in a lake, yet as vivid and passionate as an inferno of flames or as shattering as an earthquake. "Granted." And then everything fell into darkness. ****************************** Gradually I became aware of sounds and other sensations around me. My head was still spinning as if I was on a sugar overdose or something. There was the soft, somewhat familiar ticking sound of a clock and the light in the room was still rather dim, so it had to be early morning, probably before dawn. I was sitting on the ground for some reason and my body felt stiff, tired and something was really off about it... I blinked my eyes slowly, channeling a bit of magic to relieve the fuzziness in my mind enough to get my bearings. My room. My old room. I glanced down at myself, noticing an almost finished teddy in my tiny hands. Oh. Well, I guess it worked. I was baffled though why exactly I actually... remembered. My initial plan had been to move back to that moment and act as something like a... guide for my younger self. Then again, I have no idea how time travel really is supposed to work - and there probably are not many people you can ask about it. Also, I knew there would be consequences - this might be just one of them - and I had learned that every Clow Card had had a different idea of how to use their magic in their own special way. 'It... worked.' The realization came a bit slowly. My mind still a little detached as the reality sank in. A soft smile tugged at my lips. It really did work! Alright, maybe not exactly as I planned but... I had been given a second chance. "Sakura?" I whipped my head around and saw Kero floating behind me a little uncertainly. He must have sensed something was off, probably the card's magic. As if on cue, there was a burst of light in front of me, startling Kero and making me look back. It was the Clow Card that fell out of midair into my waiting hands. Well, a Sakura Card now. The design had changed. I hadn't even tried to transform it but judged by the amount of magic I put into it... "Sakura?" Kero floated over my shoulder, looked down at the card and almost fainted. ****************************** I'm not sure how long I stood there, letting my mind drift. I had barely ever seen Tomoyo practice since choir and cheerleading clubs usually crossed and also later in Junior High and High School I never really seemed to manage. I decided that was a real shame and from now on I would make it a habit whenever I could find the time. Entering the music hall of our school I had stopped, nearly freezing in the doorframe before remembering to close the door behind me in order to not disturb the practice. I had come in right in the middle of a slow, almost melancholic song and my eyes had sought out Tomoyo like a moth drawn to the flame. It had only been a couple of days in my old time that I lost her and Syaoran but it felt like a small eternity. I had always known that Tomoyo was flat out beautiful and thought it a shame that she didn't seem to have many suitors or always kindly refused them - due to reasons I was to blind to see. But God forgive me, she is gorgeous. Even now as a child the sight was breathtaking and somewhat ethereal. It didn't seem to be normal for such an angel to walk among us. And her voice, her voice. I had always loved her singing. Whether it was a slow, emotional song or something faster, more... vivid, Tomoyo somehow managed to meet the expectations perfectly. It was becoming a torture. I wanted to close my eyes and lose myself in the music, in the sweet voice of my best friend... and now suddenly so much more. Yet, I could not bring my eyes to leave her form for a single moment. I wondered if my reaction was a little silly but discarded the thought quickly. It had been living hell without Syaoran and Tomoyo there the last days. Speaking to Syaoran had been painful. At least I didn't have trouble with getting to him at the last possible second this time. What Kero-chan had told me a couple of years ago - relatively seen of course - was proving to be true. The strength of one's magic was bound to the spirit, the heart, and was fueled by the soul. The transition into this younger body would probably only have the side effects that my body would have to accustom to the strain of channeling the kind of magic I had developed over the years. Syaroan had been... understanding. Hurt... no, disappointed, but still understanding. I'm not sure if he knew about Tomoyo's feelings but considering how much everyone around me seemed to know such things before I could even begin to suspect something was there, I thought it a distant possibility. Saying "no" was still difficult to do because I hated to lie, I didn't even really lie to him. All that I could say was that I did love him but that there was someone else who I loved equally and who needed me more. We had promised to stay in contact and that was it. I would always treasure the memories of the future that I left behind, the times spent together, but I had made my decision. I had been living out most of my fairytale and I couldn't help but think it selfish after the recent events and after realizing Tomoyo's feelings. This time I vowed to be the selfless one. Tomoyo had been so lost in singing that now, nearing the end of the song, she almost stumbled over a note as her gaze briefly gazed up. Her blue eyes briefly blinked in wonder - probably wondering why I was here and not at the bus station, seeing Syaroan off. I held her gaze until the final lyrics were sung. For once I could clearly read Tomoyo. She was confused. Usually she always had been able to read me like a book. However, now Tomoyo had virtually no idea what was going on. I had to suppress a giggle. The song ended and a pause was called, giving me the opportunity I waited for. Waiting by the door, I followed Tomoyo's every step as she slowly approached my position. I admit I was a little nervous, tiny butterflies were doing flip flops in my stomach but I managed to control my nervousness. This is why I had begun this after all. To set things right. Time had granted me the opportunity, now it was up to me to use it. But had I really interpreted all this right? What if I ended up making a terrible mistake and once again totally understood someone's feelings for what they were not? What if Tomoyo really just loved me as a devoted friend? What if...? 'Gah! Get a grip, girl!' I couldn't have been wrong. I never felt so completely sure about something. Besides, even if for some weird reason I had misjudged the other girl's feelings, I wasn't doing this out of pity. I would NEVER do that to anyone. Tomoyo wouldn't want that and I didn't think I could live a lie. This decision was based on the newfound knowledge just as much as on my own jumbled feelings that had finally began to make sense even to my usually dense mind. It had taken losing Tomoyo but I did understand now and Tomoyo was here. So, even if I had gotten her feelings wrong, I would love her nonetheless, unconditionally. Even if I had to be a selfless, supporting friend. Because that is what she had been to me all this time and she deserved no less from me now. Mind and heart set, I pushed away from the wall, to meet the lavender-haired girl who still wore an expression of extreme puzzlement. But now there was also worry and something else I couldn't quite decipher. "Sakura-chan?" Tomoyo asked tentatively, sounding as if she wasn't sure if it was really me. Then it hit me. She wasn't sure. As I said before Tomoyo always seemed to know me better than I did myself and she must have noticed the change. Physically I might still have been a ten-year old but mentally... I met her eyes again, not bothering to try and hold back anymore. A moment of silence followed, neither daring to broach the subject. I was certain she knew that despite the difference I still was Sakura, otherwise she would have said so already. Finally Tomoyo's gaze turned worried again. "Did you see Li-kun? I tried to call you but..." "I did," I said simply. Tomoyo smiled that sweet smile of hers that with what I knew now left me wondering how much of it was fake and how much genuine. She was still a kid but even at this age Tomoyo always had been mature far beyond her years. "I'm glad. So, did you tell him your feelings?" "I did," I answered again. Taking a deep breath I stepped a little closer to the other girl, my hands still hid behind my back, so that the young heiress couldn't see what I was holding. "And I do love him." Tomoyo's smile faltered for a very, very tiny moment. I would have never seen it if I hadn't known what to look for. I was certain now. "But there's someone I love just as much and who needs me more than he does." Tomoyo tilted her head, again looking confused, there was a glimmer of... hope in her eyes but it instantly vanished again. Well, not for long, I would make sure of that. "Who's that?" Ah, I didn't know that my friend could be so cute when she was baffled about something. Probably because I had rarely ever seen her like this. She almost never was surprised by anything. I smiled at her, for the first time in days - maybe even weeks or months - a radiant smile was brought to my lips and it was all directed at Tomoyo. I could swear the other girl nearly fainted. "You see," I continued, wishing nothing more than to plunge ahead and confess but needing to clear this up, "if it comes down to it, it hurt knowing that Syaoran-kun left but both of us eventually can live without the other. Syaoran doesn't necessarily need me to give his life meaning and neither do I need him for that. However," I fixed the girl in front of me with an intent gaze, "I don't think I can live without you. Can you?" Tomoyo's voice was thick with emotion and I could see tears glistering in her eyes, a rather rare thing but I was certain they were more joyful than sad. "What... What do you mean?" she whispered softly. Finally bringing around my hands I held out the neatly-crafted bear to her. My skills in sewing had improved a little and so I had found it easier to finish it... not to mention I did it a lot faster, leaving me enough time to talk to Syaroan and get here. Trying to convey all the honesty and emotion that I had tried to understand for so long and now finally did, I answered earnestly. "It means I decided that I want you to be my special person, Tomoyo-chan." For a long moment the other girl just stood there, stunned and lost for words. When she finally reached out to take the bear from my hands, her own hands were trembling and I felt myself almost drowning in the swirl of blue eyes, moist with tears, resembling a whirlpool of emotions. I have never seen such joy in my friend's eyes. Not once. "Can... Can I name it Sakura?" I smiled at her warmly. "No, you can't. I insist on it." And with that I stepped forward, nearly crushing my new namesake as I enveloped Tomoyo in a crushing embrace, full of all the love, the intensity of how much I had missed her. It was a little awkward for me at first since I was still trying to get used to being ten years again but I quickly relaxed in the close contact, cherishing the relief and the incredible joy crashing through me like a tidal wave. "I love you, Tomoyo-chan," I whispered, my head buried in the silky, lavender hair I had always adored and envied a little. Tomoyo sniffled a few times before she managed to reply. "I love you, too. Even if you are not exactly my Sakura-chan." I smiled faintly and a bit rueful, pushing her away gently to hold her on arm's length. Making sure she was looking at me, I softly said, "I am your Sakura. A bit older than I should probably be, but being here with you makes me happier than I have been in a long time. Because of you, I can smile again. You are right, I am not totally the innocent girl you knew anymore but one thing I will always be..." Leaning forward I planted a feather-light peck on the lips of a pleasantly surprised Tomoyo who looked like she was going to light the entire building soon, judged by the bright glow of utter bliss in her face. I knew more wouldn't seem quite right. We were still kids, physically, after all. "I will always be yours, as long as you want to have me and even if you don't." This time it was Tomoyo who pulled me into a hug without meeting much resistance. "I will always be yours as well. I never doubted you were Sakura and in the end it doesn't matter that you are a little different. I love everything about you, that never has been a question. Younger or older, it doesn't matter." We stood there, right next to the door, locked in a tight embrace, not caring about the world around us or the stares of some of the other students. It didn't matter right now. Our hearts were one for this timeless moment, finally at peace and where they always longed to be. Yes, my decision had been the right one after all. I hadn't lied to Tomoyo either. I knew that with her by my side, I could gain back some of the innocence and freedom of my youth and with time the memories of the last days would dwindle to nothing more than a long nightmare that faded away gradually after waking. There would be consequences for my actions. I knew that much and Kero-chan had reminded me again and again after he found out but I was sure with my best... my girlfriend - another honest smile - by my side, together, we could face it all. After all, WE had a magic phrase. Everything will surely be alright. THE END (to be continued) Author’s Notes Well, that was fun. I seem to be getting better at short stories lately. Again, as I said in the beginning, it might be a little rough. A lot of my impression on the characters (especially Sakura since its her POV) came from reading the manga once and from some fanfics. I am still trying to build a clear picture of the charas in my mind. I want to thank Heather (from Amazoness Duo) and G.P. again for their wonderful story “Dear Sakura”. That had been the first CCS fic I read with almost the full knowledge of the manga in mind and I believe it will always influences my opinion of the characters in a way. I wouldn’t say this was what prompted me to write this, but it helped immensely. Anyway, I am aware that there are a lot of open questions. Like, what did happen in the original timeline? Or what are the consequences for using/capturing Time? Why has it been sealed away in the first place? I did leave all those unanswered. First of all it would have been too much to fit into a short story and then… it leaves me opportunities for sequels. :) *looks over shoulder* Maia (my muse) is probably already planning… *sigh* That’s it then. Feedback is always appreciated. Email is in the header (or probably linked anyway wherever you find this). I appreciate constructive criticism, positive or negative, but will never refuse simple feedback (like, “Liked the story”). Ja ne, yours Matthias
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