Saeko's Support
“Lady Kruger, Miss Natsuki has arrived.”
“Thank you, Fritz,” Natsuki's mother said with a gracious smile. She made a few quick keystrokes, barely glancing at her computer as her eyes landed on the sight of her daughter. “You may leave.”
The butler bowed and took his leave of the two women. Neither of them made a move until the door was closed behind him. When it did, the change in Saeko's features was immediate and drastic. It took her less than a second for her to go from Lady Kruger, the graceful and proud Countess of the island of Kruger, to Saeko, mother of Natsuki. Natsuki had learned to recognize the softening of her mother's features to show motherly concern, which never went away, no matter how much she grew or how many times she saved the world.
She was also, at this moment, very angry. “How long has this been going on, Natsuki?” she demanded, forgoing even a greeting as she rose from her desk to tower over her daughter as best as she could. It wasn't the perfect way to start of their first conversation in months, and it was particularly atypical for Saeko to forget about these simple formalities. If anything, it was a measure of just how upset she was.
Natsuki grimaced in a mix of shame and disappointment. She'd really been hoping that she'd be able to catch her mother before the news of her relationship reached her, but apparently she'd underestimated just how integrated the world was getting with the advances in technology, and how fast information was starting to travel. It had probably taken her mother only a day or two to find out, and then she'd had quite some time to stew over it before Natsuki arrived. It was only through her diplomatic tact that she hadn't called up Natsuki to ask what was going on in this time, knowing how busy her daughter had to be.
Natsuki knew from long experience with her mother that her best bet was to simply answer questions as she was bombarded with them and weather the reprisals as they came. However, there was a limit. There was no way she'd take any abuse about the fact that she had a relationship with Shizuru from her mother. If that resulted in a fight rather than her simply being scolded, so be it, but she wasn't going betray her relationship, however much her mother might be against it. She'd been preparing herself for this confrontation for years. She wasn't going to let her mother scare her into submission.
Shaking off her expression of shame, Natsuki looked up at her mother defiantly and responded to her question, “Since I was a Coral. We met early that year, and fell in love by the end of it.”
Saeko's eyes narrowed. In a near growl, she said, “You've been in love with a woman for over five years, and you never told me about this?”
Natsuki's mind quickly started to analyze her mother's statement to figure out just how mad she was, and just how much of a chance she might have of convincing her to accept this. Her mother had struck the words “love” and “told” with heavy emphasis in her sentence... which wasn't as bad as it could have been. If she'd emphasized “woman,” things would have been hopeless. With that small ray of hope, Natsuki took a breath and replied with the simply truth, “I was afraid of how you'd react. I remember hearing Father make some terrible comments about this type of relationship under his breath when I was younger.”
Miraculously, Saeko's anger seemed to ebb at this. She relaxed enough to sit back down at her desk. “Oh,” was all she said for some time. Natsuki took this chance to approach her mother and sit down at a chair across the desk from her. Eventually, her mother continued, “Your father and I have had more than our share of disagreements over the years, his affairs being only the most public of them. You don't have to assume that I always think the same way as him on these things.”
Natsuki felt a flame of hope light up in her chest. It was true that she'd never heard her mother make any disparaging remarks about same-sex couples, but she'd just assumed she felt the same way as her father since she'd never made any effort to make her opinion clear otherwise. Also, since her father had absconded his duties to elope with his mistress and her mother had been left in power, she hadn't made any efforts to change the discriminatory laws in Kruger.
“So...” Natsuki said. “Is this one of those things then? Do you really not have any problem with me being in love with a woman?”
Saeko smiled at her daughter softly. “Let me just say this: When I found out about your relationship, the only thing that I found bothered me was that you'd never told me about it.” Her gaze dropped from Natsuki's, and she turned to the side, talking off into space. A tone of regret laced her voice. “I never really thought about this issue before, to be honest. I just didn't think it would ever concern me. But while that means I never did anything to help correct matters when I could have, it also means that I have no problem with my daughter being a lesbian.” She turned back to Natsuki and said, “I just want you to be happy, Nat-chan, and if Shizuru-san makes you happy, then you have my full support.”
Joy started to fill Natsuki's heart, and she couldn't help letting a smile cross her face. “She does, Mother. Very much so.” Certainly, the two of them had their disagreements, of which today's was on the rougher side, but there was no doubt in Natsuki's mind that she and Shizuru were meant to be together. They made each other's lives worth living. And now that she knew she could count on her mother's support, things were certainly going to work out. She'd certainly agree to the favor Natsuki had in mind.
Saeko gave her daughter a proud smile. She laced her fingers on the desk in front of her and said, “So then, let's fix this all now. Tell me everything about your relationship with Shizuru. Who is this woman who's captured my Nat-chan's heart?”
“Come on, Natsuki, you can't just lie in bed all day...” Mai said plaintively.
“Just watch me,” I spat out. I hugged my pillow tightly against my body and buried my face in it once more. My headache was starting to hurt almost as bad as my heart by that time. I hadn't eaten or drunk anything since lunch the previous day, and with all the crying I'd done, dehydration was starting to get to me. At least it distracted me from my other issues. Or rather, issue. Shizuru... I couldn't help letting out another sob as my thoughts plunged once more into their now-familiar cycle.
Why did all of this happen? None of Shizuru's actions seemed right. How could she not understand love? How could the top Otome-in-training be so utterly shallow? How could she take advantage of her fans like that? How could she be so unable to tell that I didn't want that? But perhaps the most troubling question to me was, why couldn't I just get over her? Why did my heart still insist that Shizuru should be better than what I saw her do, that this wasn't right, even for her?
This all would have been so much easier if I could have just gotten myself to reject Shizuru and accept that I'd been mistaken, but a part of me still wasn't willing to give up on my crush. My mind knew that I'd have to do so, and accept that Shizuru wasn't who I'd thought, before I could move on, but my heart just wasn't listening. Meanwhile, my brain was getting more and more concerned about the state of my body. I needed to drink something, first of all, and then eat. It was just impossible for me to will my body to move out of bed to do so.
“Alright, Natsuki, I didn't want to have to break this out, knowing what the results are likely to be once you're better, but desperate times call for desperate measures,” Mai said from behind me. I just did my best to ignore her, though. I really just needed to be left alone. I hated having to share a room at times like these. Mai had been suitably sympathetic the day before, right after the incident with Shizuru, but her sympathy seemed to have started running out now, much unlike my depression.
It was only through the grace of Shinso – I had to remind herself to use that particular phrase, as Otome were supposed to. It wasn't coming naturally to me quite yet – that Mai's plan seemed to involve her leaving the room. I breathed a sigh of relief and once more snuggled up against my pillow. I wished that I could just stay in my bed like that for the rest of my life, and not have to face the rest of the school, which was surely mocking me by that point. Everyone else apparently knew just what was going on with Shizuru. I must have looked like a complete idiot to be oblivious to all of it.
Well, at least it wasn't absolutely everyone that saw me that way. Mai, at least, was on my side, even if she did now feel that I'd spent more than enough time in bed. She was probably right, anyways; it was just that it was still harder to move than it was to stay still. Mai did seem to have some idea in mind now that might work, but I was still at a loss as to what it was. I was simply content to take a break from my friend's nagging while it lasted, and then I'd deal with whatever Mai was up to when she got back.
I'm not really sure how much time passed until I heard the door opening behind me, alerting me that Mai had returned. The sound of the door was followed by another, much more enticing sensation though: a beautiful smell which almost caused me to roll over all on its own. It was the smell of food, a good deal of which seemed to be mayonnaise. If anything would be able to get me to move from my bed, it would be that.
However, for the time being, my pride kept me locked down. I didn't want to admit that I could be manipulated by mayonnaise so easily. My pride turned out to be a bit weaker than my addiction, though, when Mai stuck a finger right in front of my mouth. I'd stuck my tongue out and pulled the finger into my mouth with it, devouring the beautiful taste, before I even had a chance to stop myself and think about what I was doing. Sadly, my bliss in consuming my delight was soon interrupted by the sound of Mai's laughter coming from above me.
“Oh, now that was just priceless!” Mai said through her laughter. “You certainly have it in you to be quite adorable, Natsuki. Now come on.” Mai slapped the side of my bed. “I made you some of my special mayo ramen. You can come to the desk and eat it, or I can feed it to you one finger-full at a time, possibly taking some pictures in the process.”
I growled at Mai as she presented her ultimatum. The prospect of having pictures of me eating out of Mai's hand spread around school was not something I wanted to face – and I couldn't simply trust myself to not eat when mayo was that close, unfortunately – especially if Shizuru ended up seeing them...
That thought did it. I quickly rolled over and got off of my bed. I glared at Mai just long enough for her to get the message to pass the mayo (and the ramen it was served on) and back away. I immediately took the bowl and fork from Mai and started chowing down. The taste seemed to be better than anything I'd ever tasted before, even some of the best mayo I'd had. Perhaps it was simply because I was so hungry, or maybe it was Mai's cooking. Taking a moment to pause and simply focus on the taste, I decided that it had to be the latter. I decided that I'd have to talk to Mai about volunteering to work in the kitchen for her duties. Skills like hers were far too valuable to waste.
And just then, it was all over. I'd burned through the whole bowl in only a couple of minutes. I quickly looked up at Mai and said, “Where's the rest of it? You know one bowl is never enough, and you also know I haven't eaten in over a day.”
Mai shook herself out of her stun from seeing me gobble down the ramen so quickly. She really should have been used to it by that point, though maybe I was a bit much for her. “The rest of what I made is still in the kitchen. I'll go get it for you, and something to drink...?”
“Orange juice.”
“And some orange juice too then. Just promise me you won't go back to bed. You can take this chance to splash some water on your face or something; you could use the wash.” Mai walked out right after saying this, barely giving me a chance to growl at her as she quickly left the room.
Rolling my eyes, I pushed myself off of my bed and stretched out my aching muscles. Mai was probably right, I admitted to myself. My body was starting to feel pretty grimy, and I thought I could even smell myself now. I'd definitely have to grab a shower as soon as I'd had some more to eat and drink. At least I wouldn't have to worry about others being in the showers to bother me at this time. Most girls seemed to always use them in either the evenings or mornings, so they were generally pretty clear this time of the afternoon.
For now though, I contented myself with just a quick wash, as it was all I would likely have time for before Mai got back. I braced myself at the door out to the hallway. I really didn't want to have to face anyone right now, so I prayed – to Shinso – that the hallway would be relatively clear. Catching my breath, I opened the door and headed out, making a quick break for the washrooms. I caught quick glimpses of figures in the hallway, including one in a Pearl uniform which made my heart pound in my chest at the thought of Shizuru, but I just turned my head down and pushed it all out of my mind until I reached the moderate privacy of the washrooms.
I let out a sigh of relief as I closed the door behind myself. I made my way to the sinks and splashed some water onto my face. After doing so, I looked up into the mirror and let out a groan at what I saw. I really appeared to be in horrible shape. My eyes were blood red, a sure giveaway that I'd been crying, and my face was pale and drawn. My hair was starting to look greasy and matted, reminding me that I really would have to take a shower right after I had some more to eat and drink.
I sighed once again. Well, I'd hopefully be looking better soon enough. I ran the tap again and took this chance to wash my face and hands. A little color was starting to return to my face, though not much quite yet. I gave a quick grimace and then headed over to the dispenser to grab a paper towel and dry myself off. I had to admit that I at least felt a little better physically after that, though I still had a pounding headache from my dehydration.
I didn't make quite as much effort on heading back to my room to avoid attention, but I did avoid making eye-contact with anyone as best as I could. Fortunately, no one seemed inclined to engage me in conversation, so I made the short trek back in peace. Mai hadn't returned yet, which wasn't too surprising, as it was quite a bit of a longer walk to the cafeteria than the washrooms. What was surprising was that, while she was out, someone had slipped a letter under our door.
Picking up the letter, I moved to sit down on my bed as I glanced at the envelope. My name was written on it in a neat, flowing script, which I didn't recognize at the time. So, it wasn't her mother or father who sent it then, I knew. With a mental shrug, I opened up the envelope – noticing that it wasn't sealed, so it couldn't have come from far – and read the letter inside.
Natsuki-san,
I must really apologize for what I did to you and how I treated you yesterday.
So it was from Shizuru, then. I felt a sharp pain shoot through my chest as I realized this, just from the memories. But Shizuru was apologizing; that was good, right? Then why did it feel like my heart was dreading this?
I really have no excuse for my actions. I should have known better. In fact, I was once in a position much like yours, having to fend off the unwelcome advances of my own Oneesama. I know just the pain it caused, and so I can imagine what you must be going through right now.
You are most likely wondering how I could have changed from the victim to the aggressor in this time. To be honest, so am I, to some extent. Over the last year, my Oneesama had quite an influence on me, and she slowly turned me into a younger version of herself. That does not excuse my actions in the slightest, however. I should have known that I was acting inappropriately, from my own past experience.
I wished to come see you in person today, but I ran into your roommate not long ago, and she told me what a state you were in thanks to me. I considered that perhaps my presence would not be to your benefit, so I decided to write you this letter instead of approaching you personally. I am not sure if this was the right choice, but I do hope this is more comfortable for you.
I truly hope that you will able to find it in your heart to forgive me. We both must continue at this school for another year, and I would wish that we should have no tension between us in this time. If you cannot forgive me for this, then I can understand. If that is the case, then at least allow me to be the one to carry the awkwardness between us. You have done absolutely nothing wrong, Natsuki-san. I respect you for standing up for yourself as you did. You will make a remarkable Otome someday, I am sure.
With respect,
Shizuru Viola
I sniffed back a sob and wiped a tear from my cheek as my eyes scanned through the letter once more. Reading through all of this had brought a new pain to me. My chest felt like it was burning, and I wanted to just scream out from all the frustration. It wasn't fair! Just when I was getting better, Shizuru had to do this. How the hell was I supposed to get over her when she acted like this?
This was not how being disillusioned was supposed to work. I was supposed to realize that Shizuru wasn't who I thought and then get over her. Shizuru wasn't supposed to suddenly start acting like the person I'd previously thought she was. This just made everything more complicated, and it forced me to admit that she still bore feelings for the older girl.
“Damn you, Shizuru...” I said as I dropped back onto my bed while my heart fought a losing battle to try to get over Shizuru.
Natsuki opened the door to her apartment as quietly as she could, on the off-chance that she'd be able to surprise Shizuru. She was in quite a good mood after her talk with her mother, and she'd decided that she just couldn't put off forgiving Shizuru for her indiscretions any longer. She was just in too good of a mood. Granted, they still had some things they needed to work out, and her behavior today wasn't the only thing Natsuki had to be mad about, but she was confident that they could get through them easily enough.
Perhaps she'd even finally have a chance to properly “punish” Shizuru. Her lover seemed to quite enjoy “punishing” Natsuki during some of their lovemaking sessions, mostly for trivial, made-up offenses. Natsuki didn't particularly mind it – Which is your way of admitting you get a little kick out of it, her subconscious pointed out before it was squelched – but she very rarely was able to turn the tables on Shizuru. She just couldn't think up offenses to punish her for as well as her lover could. But now, she had some real offenses she could work through with Shizuru. It was the perfect plan to clear things up between them. Shizuru could work to earn her forgiveness, and the both of them would get one very enjoyable night out of it.
It was through the grace of Shinso then, that Shizuru seemed completely oblivious to Natsuki's entrance. Listening intently for signs of her love's presence, she caught the sound of footsteps coming from the direction of their bedroom. Walking carefully so as not to make a sound, Natsuki snuck up to the door to the bedroom and spied in on Shizuru. The woman was currently standing beside their bed, her fingers tracing over the picture of Natsuki she kept on the nightstand.
As her eyes focused on the image of her beloved, Natsuki spotted an expression of regret on her face. She'd been a bit worried that Shizuru might not have figured out why she'd run out like that, but Shizuru was pretty sharp when she wanted to be, so of course she'd have it figured out. Natsuki could feel a warmth start to course through her chest, just as it always did when her love for the woman before her was swelling.
“I'm sorry, Natsuki...” Shizuru said to the picture, still not realizing that Natsuki herself could hear her admission. The sound of it brought a small blush to her cheeks. She decided then to go through with her plans. They would work out everything tonight, and she would make Shizuru absolutely hers, body and soul. And then, in just a few days time, she would finally be able to put her plan into action.
Shizuru sighed and dropped down onto the bed. When she rolled over, she finally caught sight of Natsuki in the doorway. Her face formed an expression of surprise at first, and then one of apology. Natsuki didn't give her any time to talk, though. Shizuru was sorry, and so they'd be able to work through this, hopefully in a quite enjoyable way.
“And for that, love...” Natsuki said as she approached the prone woman. She climbed up onto the bed, and said as she looked down at Shizuru, “I'll be merciful.” But not so merciful to take all the fun out of it, of course. “Now, assume the position you feel you deserve, and I'll be back to administer your punishment. If you're particularly obedient tonight, I might even have a little reward in it for you.”
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