Natsuki was unconscious when I brought her to the house that belonged to one of the students I taught tea brewing to. I quickly prepared a bed for her, dragging a futon from a closet. I unrolled it and laid it down on the floor. Pillows and quilt followed. I was going to lift Natsuki and tuck her into bed but after one good look at her, I decided to first find something else for her to wear. Her clothes were dirty and even torn in some places. I found a kimono that seemed to be her size, and I selected one for myself as well. Changing her clothes took a bit of maneuvering, and in the end I had to summon Kiyohime for help. I quickly removed the suit she usually wore when she rides her bike. My eyes ran over her - checking her for injuries. Fortunately, there were none. I tried not to stare at the swell of her breasts and did my best to keep my touch impersonal. I'd seen her like that before. I help her shop for lingerie remember? But there was just something... different that night. Maybe it was just that Natsuki was unconscious. She looked so vulnerable and there was something... erotic about her helplessness. I think I must have dreamed up a situation like this once. My hands lingered as I pulled it down her legs. They were trembling. I mentally slapped myself and pulled it down the rest of way with a quick jerk. I think I tore it a bit. It was difficult to dress an unconscious person in a kimono, but Kiyohime and I managed. I laid her down in the bed and pulled the quilt over her. I folded her clothes and put them away. After I finished caring for Natsuki, my attention then turned towards myself. It would not do for her to see me disheveled and agitated. No, I would be strong and calm and I would be whatever Natsuki needed me to be. That is what I swore to myself. A shower and a new kimono did wonders. I felt more refreshed and I prepared myself to watch over her for the remainder of the night. -o- "Where are we?" That was the first thing Natsuki said when she woke up. It was still night time, Natsuki hadn't slept that much yet and it worried me. "It belongs to one of the students I teach tea brewing to. Don't worry, no one knows of this place. We're the only ones here." I reassured her. Natsuki didn't respond. She stared up at the ceiling and I thought she had gone back to sleep. Then her voice cut into the heavy silence. "I didn't care about what would happen to me." Her voice sounded so broken and my heart ached to hear it so. Natsuki sat up and hugged her knees. She looked so vulnerable, her defenses were completely down. "At that time, in my heart I tried to call Duran several times." She took a deep shuddering breath. Her voice was full of unshed tears. "But... Duran never responded." My heart pounded. So. I should have expected that. No Child. No most important person. I knew she didn't feel the same way about me. How could I expect to be her most important person? It still hurt. I reached my hand into my obi and there it was, as always. The necklace. I clutched it in my fist. "Natsuki..." -o- "Tell me, what is your heart's desire?" The hyena like old woman asked. "I want to keep Natsuki safe." I spoke it automatically, almost without thinking. -o- Yes, just that. Just to keep her safe. That is all I will allow myself to hope for. To be Natsuki's invisible protector and admirer. "Natsuki, I..." Natsuki's lips curled in a self deprecating smile. "I'm pretty much useless now. I couldn't even protect myself from Nao." She laughed bitterly. I could bear my own pain, but somehow I could never bear her being in pain. "I like you Natsuki. So whatever happens, I'll protect you." I wanted to reassure her, that she would be safe, that I would take care of her. She looked at me in surprise. "Me too. I like you Shizuru." I looked down and turned my face to the shadows. That was probably the most cruel thing she could have said, though I knew it was unintentional. She liked me. But only as a friend, there was always that caveat. My vision grew blurry. Damn it. I promised myself all I would allow myself to hope for was her safety. And yet... A tear escaped me, then another, and another. I loved her. She liked me. A wide chasm separated the two, especially since it was Natsuki. It was painful to be so near, yet so far. To be given her trust, her confidence, to hold sway over her life... Yet be deprived of her love. Not to feel her touch, her concern, her care, her warmth... I squeezed the necklace tighter. I didn't hear her move, I just felt her warmth enveloping me as she drew me into her arms. She pulled my head down to rest on her chest. One hand was around my back, supporting me while the other was stroking my hair. I cried myself out to her whispered words of comfort. The necklace was still in my hand, I wrapped it around my wrist to get it out of the way. At that time it seemed more appropriate than putting it away. I clung to the fabric of her kimono, trying to fix every detail of that moment in my mind. I was certain that it was a once in a lifetime experience. When my crying slowed down to just a trickle, Natsuki asked me, "Shizuru... Why...?" I pulled back from her, firmly dragging my reluctant self away from the object of my affections. My hand reached up to tuck a wayward strand of hair behind my ear. The bead of the necklace hung from my wrist and glinted in the moonlight. Natsuki's worried face looked back at me. "Because my 'like' and your 'like' are different..." Natsuki looked at me in surprise, her mouth open and forming a perfect 'O'. She blinked and seemed to look at me in a new light. -o- "Tell me, what is your heart's desire?" The hyena like old woman asked. "I want to keep Natsuki safe." I spoke it automatically, almost without thinking. "Liar." -o- Natsuki's surprised expression felt like an accusation to me. I clutched the bead of the necklace in one hand. I stood, intending to leave the room. Natsuki grabbed the skirt of my kimono. "Don't go!" She said harshly. Slowly, I sat back down opposite her. Her face was determined. Something inside me surrendered to her anger. So she knew now. Very well, I would accept whatever punishment she had to give. The bead of the necklace dug into my palm and a distant part of me noted it felt hot. That distant part seemed to be locked away somewhere along with my common sense that night. "Don't go." She said it more gently this time. She took my hand, the one not wearing the necklace. She held it with both her hands. She lifted it up to her cheek. Her skin felt so soft. My wrist was exposed to her and several of her fingers lay on it. It was a wonder she could not feel how my pulse speeded up at her touch. "Don't go." She said it with certainty now. She drew my hand down, and laid it against her breast, right above where her heart would be. I could feel the heat of her body through the fabric of kimono. My mouth felt dry, and my head was spinning at this unexpected turn of events. "Please... Do as you like." She blushed. "Please, Shizuru..." She looked at me pleadingly. "You don't know what you're asking." I jerked my hand back. She looked like she'd been slapped, but true to her nature, her response held more anger than fear. "I do know Shizuru! Don't treat me like a child!" She glared at me. "Trust me Shizuru, I know what I'm asking." "Shizuru." An iron will backed her every word. "What do you want?" -o- "I want to keep Natsuki safe." I spoke it automatically, almost without thinking. "Liar." -o- The truth then. What do I want? What do I want... What do I... "You." The word escaped me, like a confession, a guilty secret. She seemed pleased by my answer. "I'm here." She replied forcefully. "I'm here." She took my hand again. And she kissed it. Heaven help me, she kissed it. She kissed the back of my palm. Then she kissed my fingers, every inch of them. She paid close attention to every single digit. She turned my hand over and kissed my wrist. She kissed it right where my pulse was beating wildly. I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think. I swallowed hard. Natsuki looked so beautiful... I edged forward to sit closer to her. "Natsuki?" I whispered breathlessly. She smiled and inched her face closer to mine. I kissed her and to my surprise, she kissed me back fiercely. I wrapped my arms around her and drew her close to me. She made no sound of protest, none that I could hear anyway. I should have paid better attention. It should have occurred to me that there was no way Natsuki would invite me to do something like that. It should have occurred to me that there was no way Natsuki could... There was no way Natsuki could love me. Unless she was forced to. I wanted to blame the necklace for what happened then and afterwards. I wanted to blame it for clouding my mind and my judgment. To be honest though, I can't say I didn't want it. I can't say I hadn't dreamed of kissing Natsuki that way and holding her in my arms. But it wasn't just a kiss that I wanted. No. I wanted much, much more.
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