All With Good Intentions (part 10 of 11)
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HOMECOMING
Six months later
Raucous laughter and shouting filled the dormitories on a warm Saturday afternoon. It was Graduation Day and the leaving upperclassmen were holding impromptu parties throughout the campus. Chie and Aoi decided to have a small going away gathering in their room for Natsuki so Mai agreed that she would do the cooking. Natsuki stood on the couple’s balcony with a fruity drink Chie jokingly called “The HiME Rumbler” (“Highly Inebriating Mixed Entertainment, get it?” she said with a knowing smirk), deep in thought. Thoughts of her last moments with Shizuru tumbled aimlessly through her mind like stones in a river.
On the surface, it seemed like the pair were never truly apart. Shizuru faithfully wrote letters, sent postcards from the various countries she visited, often attaching small, hand-picked tokens of her affection. Sometimes she shared her thoughts, other times she wrote things just for the sheer delight of making her dark-haired friend blush. Natsuki swore that she could hear amused giggles in her head every time she received such missives. They emailed more often than not, as Natsuki had terrible penmanship and it was more addicting to read Shizuru’s words almost instantaneously rather than having to wait a week for her letters to arrive.
She yearned to see those eyes looking only at her, to hear that unique voice speaking words that would tame the uncertainty inside her, to feel Shizuru's embrace once again and finally have the chance to cherish what she had pushed aside.
However, memories were all that were left, a constant reminder of what was missing. And at night, without any distraction, she was defenseless against the deep yearning locked in her heart.
She'd wake up sweating, listening to the complete silence that surrounded her, recalling those vivid dreams where Shizuru held her, kissed her, touched her with desire, knowing that the one she loved wanted her and no one else.
It was always then that Natsuki wondered if Shizuru still felt the same, if time or some other person had took her place far away. Her lips burned with the memory of the few kisses they shared, once right after they were revived, the second just before Shizuru left. Though she knew that she was still always on Shizuru's mind, it simply wasn't enough. She wanted real tangible proof.
“A penny for your thoughts, Natsuki-chan.” Natsuki turned her head in surprise. Aoi had stepped onto the balcony and leaned against the railing, sipping a homemade Mai Tai through a bright green straw. Afternoon sunlight slanted along the pretty underclassman’s face, giving her blue eyes an almost preternatural glow. Natsuki found herself idly wondering if the girl knew just how striking she was.
“It’s nothing, really,” she answered, flashing Aoi a warm smile. The two had gotten to know each other fairly well over the course of the year. Aoi was often overshadowed by the more gregarious nature of Chie but she didn’t seem to mind being in the background. Natsuki had often assumed that she was so naive and not as worldly as her girlfriend. She was reticent at first to open up to the younger girl; Mai seemed to be the logical choice when it came to understanding what the HiMEs were going through, trying to rebuild their lives. But Aoi’s childlike, sensitive nature gradually won Natsuki over. Aoi became more of a confidante with Shizuru being gone for so long. She had understood Natsuki’s inner turmoil and worry and always made time for Natsuki to talk with her regarding things that she was upset about.
“Sure, sure. Then why are you blushing?” Aoi smirked. Natsuki reached up to find that her cheeks were a bit flushed. “It’s ok, though, if you don’t want to talk about it.”
“It’s not that,” Natsuki stammered. “Honestly, I don’t even know what I’m thinking lately.”
“You still miss her a lot, don’t you?” the younger girl queried, her observation as astute as always.
“Sometimes I more than just miss her. I can’t stand not knowing what to do.” Natsuki flung herself down in frustration on the nearest deck chair. “She’ll be home soon and I still don’t know how far I want this thing between us to go.” Her voice trailed off and she again stared out across the campus grounds, apparently lost in the deep hues of violet and orange as the sun began to set.
The two girls sat in companionable silence for a while, content with just listening to the riotous laughter from within as Chie continuously entertained the guests with outrageous tales backed up by the many blackmail pictures she had printed from her cell phone.
"Love is tricky,” Aoi said in a quiet voice as she fiddled with the straw of her now-empty drink. “It is never mundane or daily. You can never get used to it. You have to walk with it, then let it walk with you.” She moved over to where Natsuki was and sat beside her. “You can never balk. It moves you like tide. It takes you out to sea, then lays you on the beach again. Today's struggling pain is foundation for a certain stride through the heavens. You can run from it but you can never say no, it includes everyone."**
Natsuki’s jaw tightened as tears formed in the corner of her eyes. Aoi placed a gentle hand on her shoulder in a gesture of understanding. “You already know what you want. Now is the time to go for it. No more waiting; you no longer have a reason to. You’re finished with school. You can do whatever you want now. For once, be honest with yourself and do what you really want to do.”
The dark-haired girl nodded soberly. “You’re right. No more excuses.” She stood up from the chair to go back inside the flat but paused. “Chie’s really lucky to have you. I just hope she knows it.”
Natsuki turned with a determined look on her face and went inside, leaving a deeply blushing Aoi sitting in stunned silence on the balcony. A few seconds later, Chie stepped outside with an amused smirk on her face.
“Mind telling me what that was all about? Since when are you a poet?” she asked incredulously.
Aoi blushed even harder at the comment. “Well, don’t tell Natsuki-chan but,” she winced. “I read it in a book once. To be honest, I don’t even remember which one.”**
After a few hours of partying with Mai, Mikoto, Chie, Aoi and even Midori and Youko-sensei (the latter of whom had to be carried away by the Student Council Campus Security for public lewdness when they started playing strip poker in the dorm lounge after having 5 HiME Rumblers a piece), Natsuki said good night to everyone and retreated to the relative solitude of her room.
She wandered about her tiny living space that was littered with half packed boxes and an open suitcase or two. Aoi’s gentle prodding had inadvertently caused a stirring within her chest; she couldn’t call it panic but she suddenly felt restless with her need to do something. Her hand kept straying towards her cell phone. She desperately wanted to hear Shizuru’s voice, something she hadn’t been able to do in months. When she finally was able to pick up the phone, all she could do was stare at the glowing green keys, numb with fear.
What if she’s found someone else? I’m sure she’s met so many other people while traveling. She’s probably gotten over me. Who could blame her? Who would want someone who can’t even decide what they want out of li- Her internal monologue was derailed like a runaway train when her cell phone’s silent ringer nearly buzzed it out of her hand. Natsuki’s eyes grew wide in shock when she read the name flashing on the caller id screen. What the..? Why is SHE calling me?
“Hello?” Natsuki answered hesitantly.
“Kuga-san,” Touro’s curt voice replied. “Shizuru-sama’s plane will land in Kyoto at 7:30am tomorrow.”
Natsuki’s jaw almost dropped to the floor. Her mouth flapped open and closed in shock. “Wh-why are you telling me this?”
Touro sighed in annoyance. “I, too, am wondering why I am doing this. However, if left to your own devices, it is apparent that you would do nothing. Ojou-sama’s happiness is my only concern and if she finds that with you, so be it.”
The young servant paused, drawing in a deep breath to get herself under control. “Do whatever you want but do not continue to play the foolish immature child. It is not fair… to all of us.”
“You’re right, again” Natsuki admitted with chagrin, much to Touro’s surprise. “I kept telling myself that I had nothing to offer: not enough money, not enough social standing, not as much love as she deserves to have. I was so busy being scared that I never once considered Shizuru’s feelings. You were right. I was a coward, hiding behind those stupid excuses. She never really cared about all of that…No, Shizuru was always able to see past the inconsequential things.”
Touro’s eyes widened at this revelation; this was something that she had also never thought about. All this time, the only things that kept her from confessing her feelings were the insignificant details her mistress never concerned herself with. She herself was never capable of seeing beyond these things because she had been raised to serve the wealthy and privileged all of her life; she knew no other world. Yet it was her fear of rejection that ultimately forced her to suffer in silence. A weak smile crossed Touro’s face at the other end of the line. Kuga was her ojou-sama’s one anchor in life, of this she was now completely sure.
“I appreciate you telling me this, Touro-san,” Natsuki continued. “You’re a truly loyal friend to Shizuru.”
Tears of defeat formed in the corner of Touro’s eyes. She was thankful that her rival could not see her in this moment of weakness. “Good luck,” she replied in a surprisingly gentle tone. “And thank you.” A loud click at the end of the line indicated that the woman had said her piece and would go no further.
The dark-haired girl stood in stunned silence, not knowing what to make of this sudden opportunity. A mask of grim determination settled on her face as the wheels of her mind clicked and whirred. This is it! The time to make a change is now.
Natsuki threw a few pieces of clothing into waterproof rucksack, changed into her motorcycle gear and hastily scribbled a short note to Mai and Mikoto. “With a little luck and no cops around, I might make to the airport in time. Maybe,” she thought as she hopped onto her Ducati 749 and sped off into the night.
It was a grey, dreary morning when Shizuru’s plane finally landed at Kansai International Airport. Driving rain sluiced down the outer hull of the Fujino Industries Learjet, its fat drops thrumming in time with the dull whine of the engines. The young CEO lounged idly in a comfortable divan-like chair, staring out into the dimness. She swore that the events of the past few months had literally sucked the life out of her. Though she had indulged herself in regular communiqués with Natsuki, the hollow ache inside her never went away. If anything, it grew stronger with each letter, each email.
This is why she had resolved to quietly re-enter Kyoto. On the surface, Shizuru hoped that Natsuki had gone on with her life, and that she would be happy again with any new relationships she might have cultivated in Shizuru’s absence. But in the quiet spaces of her heart, the newly minted kaichou wished that Natsuki had indeed waited for her. Her patrician upbringing fought for control over her rebellious heart. The war being waged within her was at times so fierce she was pretty sure that spontaneous combustion was in the offing.
As she started out of the raindrop-stained window nearest to her, a dormant memory resurrected itself in her mind. “Logic and reason are often at odds with your emotions, Sai,” her father once said. “But remember that your mind often knows what’s best, even when your heart does not.” He had called her by her mother’s name during those times when he was reminiscing or on the rare occasion when they were on an outing alone. It made her feel special that he would use the name of the wife he so dearly loved. Those times happened so few and far between, Shizuru was surprised that she remembered what he said with such clarity.
“It’s time to disembark, kaichou-sama.” Shizuru blinked a few times in confusion, unaware that the plane had rolled into the company’s private hangar. The crew had already lowered the stairs and begun removing her luggage when Sayuri, the young, dark-haired girl that was her private attendant, came to retrieve her employer.
“Thank you, Sayuri-san,” the brunette replied tiredly. “Would you be so kind as to inform my driver to take me home instead of to the office”
“As you wish,” the attendant replied with a concerned look, bowed and left to carry out her orders.
Shizuru stretched her aching muscles. I really need to start delegating authority more, she mused, painfully aware of her stiff neck and cracking back. She gathered her belongings and slowly made her way down the carpeted stairway. A stern-faced driver held open the door to the waiting limousine; the brim of his cap and raincoat were slick with cold rain. The loud screech of wet tires on concrete filled the hangar bay as a phantom motorcyclist riding a jet black Ducati barreled inside and skidded to a stop near a very surprised Shizuru. The rider flipped up its face shield to reveal intense emerald eyes.
“Get on,” Natsuki commanded.
“Pardon me?” Shizuru asked in surprise.
“I said, get on. We have to talk.”
“Natsuki, this is neither the time nor the pla-“
“Then when will there be a time?” the dark-haired girl cut in abruptly. “When we’re past the point of no return? Oh no, that won’t happen again. I won’t let you run away so quickly.”
She grabbed Shizuru’s arm, hauled her onto the idling bike and tossed the indignant woman’s briefcase to the driver. “Here, take that. Your kaichou-sama won’t be needing it for a while.”
“Give it to me,” ordered a voice from within the limo. Touro stepped out onto the tarmac to retrieve the bag from the stunned man. She walked up to Natsuki and shook her head. “Always so crude,” she said with a mild look of disapproval. Her eyes shifted to her mistress, pain well hidden within them. “Please, do not worry. I can take care of everything else.”
Shizuru started to protest but Touro reached out a hand to stop her. “Ojou-sama, do what you feel that you must. Meetings can be rescheduled, plans can be changed. But matters of the heart, they are more important. Trust me, you must put them first or you will always regret it.”
Realising that she was outnumbered, Shizuru simply nodded. “I leave it to you, Touro-san. I promise I’ll call later.”
Her servant bowed by way of reply as Natsuki gunned the engine and the two roared off into damp morning.
**Author’s Note: Aoi’s little speech is actually done by the character Olivia Laguni in Amy Tan’s The Hundred Secret Senses.Onwards to Part 11
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