"Himeko."
The voice sounded hollow and distant, an echo from a faraway place.
"Himeko."
It was affectionate and yet stern, calling up memories both pleasant and sorrowful, images that penetrated the warm darkness that enveloped her.
"Hi. Me. Ko!"
Himeko's eyes snapped open, the last shards of sleep falling away before the increasingly insistent summons. She looked around for the source of the voice and saw Chikane leaning against her deck. As always, she felt that tiny spark in her heart, that brightness that Chikane was the first thing she saw in the morning, just as it had for the nearly nineteen years of her life--this life, at least.
The sign outside their Kamiyatate University dorm room read Hikari Asamiya and Tsukuyo Asamiya. Those were their names as far as the world was concerned--birth certificates, family registers, school records, passports, all said that. Their parents certainly would have said so, particularly their mother, since giving birth to twins wasn't the kind of experience one easily forgets. So yes, they were Hikari and Tsukuyo. It was just hard to remember that sometimes, Himeko thought, when she carried the memories of their past lives together as Himeko Kurusugawa and Chikane Himemiya, Solar and Lunar Priestesses, the shrine maidens--miko--of Ame no Murakumo. There was no reason to doubt these memories; Chikane had them too. As they'd grown older together, their developing minds had been able to understand more and more of that past. And without those memories of being star-crossed lovers, Himeko would probably have felt more than a little guilty about the very unsisterly things she and her twin did together.
As it was, she just felt happy to be able to share her feelings with her beloved. In their previous lives, Chikane had gone to great lengths, even absurd ones, to make Himeko hate her and end their eternal cycle, all because she was consumed with guilt. Some of that guilt had been for what they were forced to do as miko, the ritual of sacrifice and the separation forced on them between cycles, but also because she felt the bond between priestesses was "tainted" by her lesbian desires for Himeko. Well, Himeko certainly didn't feel tainted. Blessed, maybe, that someone she loved as much as Chikane felt the same way about her, but certainly not dirty or wrong.
Thinking of the night before, she decided that at least she seemed to be bringing Chikane around rather firmly to her side of things. Honestly, she'd never known her twin to be so...
...wait a minute...
"Chikane, it's Sunday. We didn't have to get up early today. Why are you waking me up?"
"Aren't you meeting Marika at ten this morning? It's nine-thirty already."
"Wha--? Chikane, why did you let me sleep so late!?" Himeko flung off the covers and all but flew towards her dresser. An early riser, Chikane was already polished and perfect, washed and made up with her blue-black hair in a waterfall down to her knees, held off her face with a simple headband, her shapely body (don't go there--I'm late!) clad in an elegant white one-piece dress. In the past, she'd thought of Chikane as a kind of goddess descended, to look so beautiful and composed with such ease. Shared affection and familiarity had turned that into a good-natured envy.
Chikane smiled.
"You just look so cute when you're sleeping, Himeko. I couldn't bring myself to disturb you."
Himeko blushed. Compliments tended to do that to her.
"Just like that." Chikane wrapped her arms around her from behind. "Sometimes you just make me want to hug you."
"I'm...just glad I can make you smile, Chikane," Himeko sighed, felling the other girl's warmth against her. Chikane kissed the top of her head.
"Here, let me do that."
She plucked the hairbrush from Himeko's hand and with deft strokes began to restore Himeko's waist-length gold hair to order. When the knots caused by sleeping with it loose were gone, she set down the brush and tied in Himeko's signature red ribbon, knotting it into a girlish bow.
"There you go."
"Thank you, Chikane." She dressed in a pink button-down blouse so she didn't have to disturb her hair with a pullover, then added a pleated blue skirt, socks, and comfortable walking shoes.
"There! Bye, Chikane!"
"One more thing."
"Eh?"
Chikane took her by the shoulders, then bent so their foreheads touched.
"I'm a little jealous of you, spending the day with Marika."
"I can't invite you along; we're shopping for your birthday present!"
"I know, but I just want to remind you whom to come home to." She leaned in and kissed Himeko hard on the lips, long and lovingly.
"I don't actually have to go shopping today," Himeko said, and they both broke into giggles.
"I'd consider it, but if you're too late, Marika will come looking for you, and I think once was enough for that experience."
Himeko blushed furiously, recalling the moment when Marika and her aunt had become privy to her and Chikane's true relationship.
"Yes. Right. Going now." She made a break for the door, then stopped with her hand on the knob. "I love you, Chikane."
"I love you, too."
Himeko dashed out the door and down two flights of stairs, regretting her lack of punctuality with every step, particularly when she slipped going around a landing and would have fallen had she not caught herself on the railing, slightly twisting her ankle. She kept going, though, went outside and descended the long staircase that connected Mahoroba's elite academies with the rest of the town. Marika was waiting by the massive English oak at the base, tapping her foot and glancing at her watch.
Marika Ohgami did not make many people think, "Ah, this girl is surely descended from a centuries-old line of Shinto priests." She was an outgoing, vivacious bundle of energy an inch under five feet tall who spoke her mind plainly and whose hair hadn't been the same color two weeks running since junior high. Today she was sporting multiple jewel tones, amethyst on the left and sapphire on the right, blended in a French braid. She reminded Himeko a lot of Makoto Saotome, her best friend from her past life, which she supposed only stood to reason.
"Hi, Marika!"
"Hikari..." she started warningly, then deftly headlocked the blonde girl. "You are late."
"Ack!"
"Probably performing all sorts of unspeakable acts. Ah! How sweet must the fruit of forbidden love taste," she added theatrically, pressing the back of her hand to her forehead. "Meanwhile, your boyfriendless friend is left cooling her heels. Just for that, you're buying me breakfast."
"Um...okay?"
Marika let her go.
"That was surprisingly easy. Wait, don't tell me you--"
"No! I just overslept!" Himeko held up her hands desperately. "You know me; I'm probably the younger twin because I slept in for my own birth." When Marika snorted with laughter she added, "Er, I like your hair."
"I hope so--it's birthday hair for the two of you. Purple like your eyes, blue like Tsukuyo's, and braided 'cause, well, you know."
"Aww, that's so sweet, Marika."
"Enough talk. We have shopping to do, and I want an Egg McMuffin."
"Why?"
"It's a character flaw, but what can I do?"
They took the bus from the base of the academy hill into the town proper. Mahoroba wasn't really a big town; despite its bustling population it still had the air of a country village. Trees grew thickly between the urbanized areas and dotted the streets, while construction tended towards the quaintly traditional rather than pre-fab concrete blocks. While Himeko had no intention of leaving--inevitably, the summoning of Ame no Murakumo had to take place at Ohgami Shrine where Marika's father was the priest--the truth was that the world beyond held little appeal. Oh, a vacation was one thing, but Himeko would have been perfectly happy living out her life in Mahoroba.
Not that I'll get the chance to have that kind of life, she thought. It made her a little sad, thinking that when she was gone, Mama and Papa and Marika and the Ohgamis wouldn't even remember her, except as a character out of an old legend.
"Hikari, are you all right? You looked kind of wistful."
"I'm fine. I just thought of something sad, that's all."
Is that why Chikane never gets too close to anyone but me? Himeko wondered. Because she knows it'll all go away? It sounded like something Chikane would do. She took the bad things much harder than Himeko did.
"Well, don't; you can't pick out something to make Tsukuyo happy if you're crying. By the way, what are you thinking of getting her, anyway?"
"I don't know; that's why I wanted you to come with me. She's really hard to buy for."
"I know what you mean. She always seems like she has everything, y'know, even when she doesn't. And she'd cut off her leg before she ever asked anyone for something, even you."
"She doesn't want to be a burden on anyone."
Marika gave her a look.
"Miya-sama doesn't want to be a burden," she drawled.
"It's true! That's just how Chikane is. She wants to be the strong one to support the people and things she cares about, and not make us worry about her. It's really hard getting her to share her problems with me...and, I'm not always good at noticing on my own when something's wrong."
"Okay, you know, I can actually see that. And you don't know of anything she needs?"
"Well, she needed a new tennis racket, but Mama and Papa got her one already. They gave it to her early so she'd have it for the match two weeks ago."
"Wow, that's a pretty expensive gift."
"Chikane was worried that they might have trouble paying for it, but she didn't want to be ungracious, either. It bugged her for about a week."
"Did they give you yours early, too?"
"Mm-hm! They got me a new camera!"
"A nice one?"
"Uh-huh! I'd give you the details, but you'd just yawn. It's nearly professional class, though!"
"I like how your parents are always careful to balance things between you."
Himeko nodded.
"Even though we're so different."
The McDonald's was conveniently near the shopping district bus stop so Himeko was able to buy Marika her Egg McMuffin. Her stomach chose that moment to remind her and everyone else around her that she'd skipped breakfast, so she caved in and bought hotcakes for herself.
"I've been thinking," Marika declared after the meal. "You should get her something all lovey-dovey. If you don't want to fill a need, then what you want is something sentimental and full of feeling. Remind her of how much you love her. That's always a good idea."
"How did you get so good at this, Marika?"
"Practice! You've only had one romance your entire life. How can you expect to learn the subtleties of human interaction from a single example? Or so I tell myself." She groaned and dropped her head on the table. "If you're really the Solar Priestess, could you put in a good word with Ame no Murakumo to send me a cute guy?"
"Um...I'm not sure the God of Swords is all that good at love..."
"Oh, yeah, right. Says the girl who's deliriously happy in her"--Marika reflexively dropped her voice though no one was nearby--"incestuous, lesbian relationship. Seriously, you'd think there'd be at least a little angst over an arrangement like that, but no."
"We did sort of go overboard on that last time."
"Past life angst does not count. Come on; let's go."
They spent the next four hours happily going in and out of nearly every shop in the district, during which the shopaholic Marika ended up with four full bags and Himeko had managed to find an ornate silver clamshell into which she'd had their names engraved. Since it was Chikane who'd told her the story about such shells, that each was an exactly matched pair that no other in the world would fit with, the simile was special to her, and this particular necklace had both shells instead of just one, so she could put in both names.
That ended up confusing the jeweler, though, because he knew the twins by reputation since his son had been in their high-school class.
"Excuse me, but...isn't your sister's name Tsukuyo?"
"Well, yes it is, but..."
"You two really ought to stop this 'twin name' thing," Marika bailed her out. "You see how it confuses people." She turned to the jeweler. "Would you believe they've been calling each other by different names since they could talk? It seriously worried their mother until their pediatrician started telling her about twin psychology and that that sort of thing was normal."
"Geez, Marika," Himeko said, blushing yet again, but she was glad for her friend's quick explanation.
"All right, then, Himeko and Chikane it is."
They left the store and headed back down towards the bus stop, Himeko all but skipping along in happiness. They'd nearly gotten there when they all but ran into her sister..
"Chikane!"
"Hey, Tsukuyo. Good to see you."
"Hello, Himeko, Marika."
Marika peered closely at Chikane.
"Okay, what gives? You're not the type to try to snoop at your gift early, and there's no way you left your own shopping 'til the day before like Hikari did, so what are you doing here?"
"Marika, it's a public street..." Himeko said lamely.
"Aha! You miss her, don't you? I'm right, aren't I? Sunday is the only day of the week you're not tied up with classes and homework and sports practices and Heaven knows what else, and you wanted to spend it with your sister!"
Chikane looked a little taken aback at Marika's directness; she sometimes didn't know quite how to take the girl. Himeko thought it was because Marika didn't pay much attention to personal boundaries, while Chikane typically held everyone at arm's length with her queenly air. Ordinarily she'd have dealt with Marika's intrusive ways with a crushing set-down, but she wouldn't want to indirectly hurt Himeko by slapping at her friend.
"So," Marika continued without waiting for an answer, "this is one third wheel who knows when to roll away. Here, Hikari, let me take that so you don't have to lug it around in front of Tsukuyo all day. You can pick it up when you visit the shrine this evening."
Himeko handed her the bag containing Chikane's present.
"How did you know we'd be coming by?"
"Hikari, you two have visited the shrine since the night before your birthday every year since the day before you turned thirteen. It's like it's destiny or something. Bye-bye!"
Chikane watched Marika scamper off and shook her head.
"You have...interesting friends, Himeko. But I shouldn't say such things, since you chose me, too."
Himeko grinned at her.
"Darn, you said it first. But she's a good friend."
Chikane brushed a stray lock of hair back into place over her ear.
"I know, but I'm still jealous. Often I think the entire world is nothing but an irritant that keeps me from having you all to myself."
"Chikane..."
Impulsively, Himeko grabbed her sister's hand, lacing her fingers together with Chikane's. Darn it, why do I never know what to say in these moments? There was a darkness inside her lover that she didn't really understand, a place where all her doubts and unhappiness went and just...stayed, like food inside a pressure cooker whose lid was Chikane's "Miya-sama" face. She wished she had a better idea of what she needed to do to help.
-X X X-
Chikane felt the warmth of Himeko's hand as the blond girl took hers. A glance at Himeko's face showed her lover's concern, and a faint blush stained Chikane's cheeks. She's so honest; she couldn't conceal anything from a child. I've gone and upset her again. She had that worried-puppy look, the one that had made Chikane laugh the first time they'd met in their past life, when Himeko had chased a lost puppy through a rose hedge almost into Chikane's lunch and ended up looking at her with the same face as the dog.
She knew what it meant. She'd gone and let some of the...not unhappiness, precisely, but the potential unhappiness she usually kept inside, out where Himeko could see it. Despair had made Chikane an Orochi in her past life, while now...
She smiled at Himeko, and it was an honest smile. How odd, that the fact that she's concerned for me burnt away my own doubts in an instant.
"So, since the all-too-perceptive Marika correctly deduced my feelings, would you mind spending the afternoon with me?"
"No, I'd love to."
"Good! Shall we make a proper date of it, then? We probably won't have time tomorrow since we have classes all day, dinner with Mother and Father, and then the party." Several of their classmates were throwing the sisters a birthday party, though who was giving it suggested the party was more for her and Himeko invited as a necessary tag-along. She'd probably spend half her time watching most of the boys and the few of the girls try to get past the shield of her reserve. It wouldn't be particularly difficult, just boring.
She glanced over at Himeko, who smiled brightly as they strolled along, hand-in-hand. The urge to just lean over and kiss her was nearly overwhelming, but she held it in as always. Chikane had to admit, being sisters had been really useful for the first twelve or thirteen years of this life, but once their minds and bodies had started fully awakening into womanhood the advantages had started to become obstacles. She'd have gladly put up with the social difficulties of being an "out" lesbian for the chance to openly be a couple with Himeko, but as things presently stood that wasn't an option.
It's all temporary, anyway, she reminded herself, and gave herself up to the joy of spending the afternoon with her beloved. They caught the matinee of a new romance movie (reducing Himeko to sad, then happy tears as the hero and heroine overcame many obstacles on their way to happily-ever-after), visited the aquarium (where Himeko made her laugh by flinching from the shark tank, then made her heart melt at the childlike joy that lit up Himeko's face when she got to pet a live sea turtle) and finally treated themselves to dinner at Maison Blanc et Noir (where Chikane used her past-life memories of being the Himemiya princess to, she admitted to herself, dazzle Himeko by ordering for them both a menu that not only pleased then but impressed the staff with how each course complemented the others).
"That was delicious!" Himeko gushed as they stepped out into the cool night air. "But, wasn't it a bit expensive for us?"
Chikane shook her head.
"Mm-mm," she demurred. "I know I wanted to do this, so I'd been putting money aside for it the past two months."
"Wow, I could never do that. I don't have the willpower to save in advance."
"The girl who makes gods rewrite the rules of the universe doesn't have willpower?" Chikane teased. Himeko stuck her tongue out at her.
"Okay, so I wouldn't have thought of it?"
"Now, that I believe." The two of them laughed. "Shall we head up to the shrine now, Himeko?"
Himeko glanced at her watch.
"It's after eight! The buses have stopped running!"
"We'll just have to walk, then. It'll help us work off dessert, anyway."
"Meanie."
There were a number of Shinto shrines and prayer gates throughout Mahoroba, but the grandest by far, even a bit of a tourist attraction, was the Ohgami Shrine. Tended by the family of that name, it was purportedly an ordinary shrine, but it had a hidden face. Behind the outer shrine, in a cave that reached deep into the mountain's heart, was where the priestesses of the Godless Month performed the ritual to unseal and summon Ame no Murakumo to battle with Orochi. And it was the Ohgami priests who bore the duty of preserving the legends to pass on the knowledge and rites to subsequent incarnations of the shrine maidens.
To say that Takeshi Ohgami was surprised when Chikane and Himeko had come up to him and announced their identity as miko was something of an understatement. He had expected to merely pass on his knowledge uneventfully to his successor, or if necessary to find and educate the Solar and Lunar Priestesses in their duties. Nothing had prepared him for priestesses who knew who they were and came with complete past-life memories.
He'd adapted, though. Faith in his calling had won him through, and he'd become a kind of honorary uncle to the twins. After all, his duty was to support the two of them, and he was wise enough to recognize that "support" meant more than just in a religious or metaphysical sense.
Takeshi didn't know that they were lovers.
Chikane liked the stately lines of the shrine and the priest's residence, done in traditional style. Too, she savored the tranquility of the garden, its almost rhythmic stillness. Taking a cup of tea on the steps often enabled her to relax, to achieve a calm that wasn't just her usual outer shell, but actually soothed her jangling nerves.
It wasn't Takeshi when they saw when they arrived, though, but a tall woman with large, round-framed glasses and pale green hair pulled back in a bun. She was sweeping the walk by moonlight, using a bamboo-handled broom.
"P-Professor Ohgami!" Himeko exclaimed.
"Ah, the Wonder Twins. Marika said you'd be by. Saying your last prayers before the end of the world comes?"
Chikane frowned while Himeko smiled at Professor Ohgami's teasing. For some reason it just rubbed the elder twin the wrong way, while Himeko found it funny. Minako Ohgami had never made her disbelief a secret, though Chikane had to admit it wasn't personal. Apparently she had an equal good-natured contempt for her younger brother's calling as shrine priest.
"Uh-huh!" Himeko answered cheerfully. "I'm surprised to see you out sweeping, though."
"It helps me think," Professor Ohgami said. "I do housework whenever I just want to let my brain float free and work out something that's been bothering me."
"You're lucky, Professor. Whenever I let my attention wander during housework I prick myself on a needle or run the vacuum cleaner over my foot or break dishes."
Chikane giggled.
"Ah, that would explain your last quiz, then, Hikari," the professor said with a grin. Although her research work was regularly published and often award-winning, she also insisted on teaching one section of first-year biology at Kamiyatate University. Chikane didn't have that class since she'd bypassed it through the advanced placement program in high school, but Himeko did and said that Professor Ohgami was a very good teacher although hard. "You'd best keep your focus if you're going to do better on the one I'm thinking up now."
"Yes, ma'am," Himeko sighed.
"Look on the bright side. If the apocalypse does start tomorrow, then you won't have to study for it." She smiled and added, "Now go on; I'm sure you have better things to do than listen to a middle-aged lady make jokes at your expense, and I need to figure out how to phrase question four. But happy early birthday to both of you."
"Thank you, Professor Ohgami," Chikane acknowledged formally.
"Thank you, ma'am."
They walked up the path and into the shrine.
-X X X-
No lights were lit inside Ohgami Shrine; the priest would not permit any modernization but candles and lamps were not kept burning when no one was present. Nonetheless it was still easy to see; the building was positively bathed by the light of the full moon, shining through screens designed for that purpose. Himeko thought it was kind of spooky, so she glanced over at Chikane as if by reflex.
"Do...do you think this will be the year, Chikane?" she asked.
"Who knows?" her lover said, not angrily but almost fatalistically.
"We were so sure three years ago, since it was our sixteenth birthday last time," Himeko said. "But it didn't happen, and not since."
"Wouldn't it be ironic if it didn't happen at all?"
"Eh?"
"The one time, perhaps, the only time when we know who we are and what is expected of us, would be the time when we are here simply to live? Wouldn't that be a great, cruel joke on us by the gods?"
"Chikane! You can't believe that!"
"I wonder sometimes. Perhaps Professor Ohgami is right. Perhaps this whole idea of past-life memories and a magical destiny is just something that we're tricking ourselves with, first to make us feel special and then to justify...what we are to each other."
Himeko didn't know what to say; she'd never heard Chikane talk this way.
"Don't you have any doubts, Himeko? Don't you ever lie there at night and wonder, 'What if this is it? What if all there is, is this life together?' If we're sisters in reality rather than just occupying that role for a time?"
Himeko shook her head.
"No," she said. There was a catch in her voice, and she could tell she was on the verge of tears. "Are you s-saying that you don't w-want to be with me?"
"Oh, Himeko." Chikane clenched a fist, her nails biting into her skin to leave little half-moon crescents, then opened it and raised the hand to cup Himeko's face. "I will love you and only you for as long as this or any other world lasts. I want to be with you every minute of every day so badly it's an unbearable torment. If I didn't have you beside me I think I would go mad."
Relief washed through Himeko like a purifying flood.
"Then that's all right, isn't it?"
"But, we've gone our whole lives assuming that everything is transitory, that one day we won't be here, that the future our friends and classmates are planning for will never come for us. What if we're wrong? What if we do have to face becoming adults, finding work, growing older, everything that everyone else in the world does?"
"We should get a cat."
"A cat?"
"Mm-hm," Himeko said, nodding. "Maybe two or three."
"But why?"
"Well, if we're going to grow up to be like those crazy old sister ladies who live together and never marry that you hear about, shouldn't we own cats?"
Chikane looked at her incredulously, then dissolved into helpless laughter that was partly from Himeko's joke and partly just from the release of tension. Himeko put her arms around her and held her close while Chikane half-laughed, half-wept against her shoulder for what seemed like forever.
After a while, it finally slowed and Chikane straightened up.
"Thank you, Himeko."
"You shouldn't worry so much, Chikane," Himeko said earnestly. "Maybe the Orochi will come tomorrow, or maybe the world will just go on and on as it is, but it doesn't matter. So long as I can be with you through it, then I'm happy."
She turned back to the moonlit shrine, bowed her head, and prayed for exactly that.
NOTE: Of course, the clamshell is a shout-out to Ep. 8 of the anime. I guess Himeko is just cursed to get weird comments whenever she buys engraved jewelry for Chikane. As for the puppy incident, take a glance at Vol. 2, p. 153, panel 1 of the manga--apparently, they met each other that way just as they did in the anime!
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