Grey Dawn Could have been a small town, And when the rain would fall down I'd just stare out my window Dreaming of what could be And if I'd end up happy I would pray... ...I do what it takes until I touch the sky... I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change And break away... -Kelly Clarkson -------------------------------------- "Dear Diary... it is February, we have spent a month or more waiting for Cloud to wake up..." She cradled the little purple clad book, writing gently on the paper with a scratch-scratch of her pen so the words inscribed there were as solid as each one she could make them. She realised at some point she had started to cry, a lonely sort of crying that she was unsure if she knew how to prevent. It was cold, cold tears unlike the hot ones that normally accompanied wild swings of emotion. The tears dripped sometimes from her chin and every now and then she was forced to stop and wipe them before they smudged on the paper and made the blue ink fail and run into little rivers of illegibility. She knew. Ever since she'd woken from the terrible blackness that had swallowed her at the mindless rage infecting his hands, covered with bruises that Yuffie had been crying over, trying to tend, she had known. With pain in her heart and her head, she gathered what strength she could to take the pain away but only the sharp stabbing agony in her heart remained, and she had known. Terrible lurking fear over her shoulder that woke her each night with a scream, bolting upright as Cloud refused to wake from the coma that a guilty Tifa had placed him in under her own fit of rage, each time she felt sweat dampen between her breasts and stick her night clothes to her, she knew the terrible agony, she knew. Each loud noise that called from the hallway, be it Barrett hollering after a bigger breakfast, Cid cursing Yuffie when she kept cheating him from his 'smokes money' during the long hours or Tifa coming to knock on her door gently, asking in a sheepish and very quiet voice if she was alright; each of these sounds made her jump and clutch the book to her, pressing it to her chest and the pain that was a phantom bloomed where bruises had once dented on her delicate skin. She was alright though. She only knew. Knowing did nothing to stop the clamping of muscles around her throat, to cut off the stream of words she didn't understand well enough. Knowing didn't stop her from covering her shaking hands when she crept out to eat dinner. Knowing didn't make her any less vigilant in taking care of his health as he slept and wrestled demons that she couldn't help him with as long as he lingered from her reach. Knowing didn't still the voice of the Planet, louder, softer, warmer and colder by turns. Knowing, as with all things, did nothing to aid her. Only settled her on the precipice of action. "Not long," she whispered and the tears started again, so she rocked back and forth. She had to go away. She had to go and leave them behind. Her gravest duty yet, one that had come for her with the wind outside the faceless building that had tied her life down to ShinRa, a fate which had set her free and given her wings to fly, fly away and find her way, her truths in this lonely world. She would not refuse such a task, even the sound of her mothers voice finally carried to her and she could not refuse... because she was the only one. She was all that was left, a remnant of a remnant. She'd looked, of course, fruitlessly hunting for other Cetra but finding only echoes of those who had passed away maybe only years before she had come looking for them, or those who had submerged themselves into the human blood line and gene pool that their magic was diluted. She suspected, without ever having evidence to back such a claim up, that Yuffie was in some small part of Cetra heritage more so than the others, for she commanded healing magic well enough without aid of materia, a talent that cropped up only in Cetra bloodlines. But such power was distant, cold comfort to someone like she. So when the stars were alight in the evening, she crept out to search them for her answers, knowing they would guide her. But they always pointed there, always pointed so distant. She knew she had little choice now, she knew time was up. The time for action was upon her. She knew. And because she knew, holding the diary with shaking hands, she wept. --------------------------------- Tifa lowered her hand from knocking, drawing back at the sounds of weeping from inside the room. Behind her, Yuffie held a tray laden with a bowl that held a thick vegetable soup and a crusty roll, her expression mixed as she too caught the delicate strains of the Ancient's sobbing. She looked down at the bowl, "Tifa, is she alright? She hasn't been quite the same since we came back from the temple... We've been here for an awfully long time now. Cloud's not looking better either." "I know, I don't want to believe I put him in a condition like that," Tifa took the tray and nodded that they should go back to the kitchens of the hotel that the owner had agreed to let to them almost entirely upon hearing that Tifa knew Zack's family. "Aerith said that she thinks some part of his soul fled deep inside him, not wanting to understand the reality of the situation, but she'll pull him out when she can complete her magic rituals." "Then why is she crying?" "..." Her dark eyes studied the floor numbly as they walked together, "I don't know." "... Hey, um... if you two get married, can I be a bridesmaid?" The question was so from the blue that it almost jolted Tifa from her feet and then she laughed, seeing Yuffie's eager expression as they slowed to a halt by the door that opened into the kitchen. "Married?" "Yeah, you're in love, right? I bet being asked would cheer her up... you said so yourself, Aerith's the one for you. You should consider it!" "...married..." Tifa rolled the word around in her head. Okay, so it wasn't conventional, but at this stage nothing much was. They were taking on a huge corporation and winning, they were saving the planet, a fire wolf spoke the human tongue better than Barrett, a human being, did; an Ancient travelled with their party to combat the darkness in Cloud and Sephiroth, a genetic experiment gone wrong, was fighting them every step of the way. So love? Wasn't that to be cherished? "Plus, I'm an only child and you guys are like, well..." Yuffie's eyes shone as she bent her head, looking awkward, toe scuffing the floorboards as the betraying sock slid down to her ankle, "...like sisters to me and... I always wanted to be a bridesmaid..." "Marriage... I think that's the best idea I've heard in a long time." "Really? Well... it's Valentine's Day soon, but even better, I know its Aerith-sama's birthday tomorrow!" The wutai ninja bounced and clapped her hands, "So let’s do something amazing for her! Flowers, dinner, starlight walk!" "Do...we have the gil for that? I mean," Tifa juggled the tray awkwardly whilst trying to itch her cheek, "This place isn't precisely cheap on the gil wallet." "I can solve that." "Do I even want to ask how?" "Do you want to continue to sleep at night?" Tifa made a face, "Then that's a 'no Tifa, stay grey hair free' answer." Just as Yuffie was laughing, the door banged outwards, one to each girl's face as Barrett stomped through with Cid hot on his heels. The language they were both using was foul beyond all credence, and Cid seemed to be quite angry at Barrett. The taller man was backing off and muttering about 'cheatin' cards, foo''. When the door finally swung back into place there was an angry red mark on Yuffie's forehead, a hand cupped to her nose which was bleeding. On the opposite side, Tifa slowly drew the tray down from her chest where it had been catapulted - the thick vegetable soup dripping down her front into a fragrant puddle on the floor, still steaming hot. "You blathering idiots," Yuffie scowled. "Oh hey, look, it's th' shrimp." Barrett grinned and even Cid stopped to guffaw at the welt rising just under the green headband Yuffie wore as a mark of her clan affiliation. Then they both wiped smiles from their faces as they saw the darkening face of Tifa and the ruined bowl of food. "Barrett... Cid..." she murmured in a deceptive tone of voice. "It was his fault," they both said in unison, pointing to the other. "Oh Tifa, your clothes," Yuffie sighed, "We'll get you something to wear whilst they get washed. Something special?" "Special?" Cid butted in, "Special fer what?" Tifa blushed and looked away, so the nin’ girl piped up in an excited tone of voice, "Tifa's gonna ask Aerith to marry her tomorrow." "Woah," muttered the pilot, but grinned from ear to ear. Probably having some perverted thought, Tifa noted coolly, but she glanced quickly to Barrett. He seemed a bit surprised, but not disgusted by it. "Barrett," she said softly, her voice hovering close to a questioning tone. "Go for it Teef," he rumbled. Tears brimmed in her eyes suddenly. "Ah, no cryin', y'hear? You've always been like a lil' sister t'me. So, if this makes y'happy, go for it. I'll crack the heads of anyone who don't agree, got it? 'Sides, you dont know what'll happen when Cloud wakes up, right? That spiky headed jerk and his Sephiroth 'disability' - whatever… You gotta live for the now, you gotta be happy. So be happy, Teef. And make that girl in there happy too, cuz' she cries too much, ya hear what I'm sayin'?" "Of course I will," she laughed in relief, wiping at her eyes. The soup going cold on her ample bosom hardly bothered her at all now. Awkwardly the four of them stood in contemplation, until a deep, gravel-velvet voice said from somewhere in the shadows; "A happy ending?" Tifa clung to the ground by sheer willpowe, but Yuffie climbed a foot into the air with her surprised jump, much the same as Cid did whilst Barrett scowled and ppointed his gun arm at the shadow out of sheer habit. From the draping shadows Vincent slowly drew, his dark hair obscuring his face partially as it hung. "Vincent, goddamn freakin' vampire...fu-" "Stop creeping around!" Yuffie snapped on top of Cid's outburst, which had just been clamouring to an interesting expletive, which he spat out anyway if in a lower tone of voice. "You could give people heart attacks." "You? Heart?" Grinned Cid from around his 'smoke'. "Come here and say that, old man," she muttered. "Kids, kids," Tifa said in exasperation and when they both gave her identical looks of horror, she laughed. It wasn't long until everyone else was laughing too, helplessly so - apart from Vincent, because a smile might ruin that image he had going for him, so he melted back into the shadows smoothly and left. But the others laughed together, the soup forgotten and a plan to woo the Ancient into saying yes had begun. ---------------------------------- Aerith was replacing the cloth over the symbol she had marked in candle wax on Cloud's forehead when the door opened. She hurriedly put everything back into place and was only a little surprised when Tifa came in, surprised because of the change of clothes. Ditching the black and white for one evening, Tifa had pulled on a comfortable set of loose jeans-like trousers and a dark blue shirt which hugged her snugly over her chest. Her hair was much the same, but in one hand she held a bunch of flowers. These she offered to the ancient with a blush. "What's the occasion?" Aerith murmured, holding them and looking into their sunny faces with delight - she dared not ask where she had found early flowers in such a desolate place, especially at this time of year. "Come... I... date with me?" Tifa mumbled, pressing hands together nervously. "Please? I would be honoured...that is..." "A date?" Aerith laughed and put the flowers down, "Alright... where?" "Dinner," the fighter looked relieved. "A picnic really, under the stars. I know it's not much but..." "No... It sounds perfect." She stood up, holding the flowers close to her, "Anything you suggest sounds perfect to me." "...I'm glad you feel that way," Tifa smiled, and pushed the door open a little more, "Shall we?" Then she was taking the cool, scarred hand of Tifa from hard battles, pressing the knuckles to her lips with a vague trace of pink in her cheeks and murmuring into the skin, sure enough of this moment, to say, "We shall." ---------------------------------- The picnic had been beyond words, perfect. Together, the two girls, both perfectly imperfect in their own way, lay out beside each other, holding hands and staring up at the sky with scattered remnants of food strewn on the blanket and the wicker basket left forgotten as with wide eyes, each one drank in the world together. Together. The taller girl was beautiful in the way of the here, the now; with dark eyes and darker hair, long limbs and a confident manner that belied her dark mood swings and desperate loneliness. Her mouth was curved for this night, as every moment spent with her love, into a small smile, a comfortable, happy smile. The shorter girl was beautiful in the way of the unknown, the mysterious love, the forgotten soul; her hair of golden brown and large eyes of brilliant viridian. She exuded energy and life, sheer vibrant life that sang with every motion, rippled in the sweet clarity of her voice. Tonight she lay in the grass, hoping for there to be no tomorrow, hoping for nothing to ever carry on. "We could... stay here and just forget the world," Tifa said softly. Her eyes reflected the stars it seemed, "The stars are beautiful, the world is lovely, my life is... complete." "We can't stay here," Aerith murmured sadly, gripping Tifa's hand tightly, "We have obligations. We made promises." "Promises I can break, if it meant I couldn't leave this perfect moment." "And what about life? Life is a series of moments, a series of coincidences, happenstances that all add to experience, to life, to fate itself. You would sidestep all of that?" "Yes. But you wouldn't stay with me if I did?" "..." The shorter girl closed her eyes, "No. I... couldn't." "I see." Tifa turned on her side to look at her, mouth curving gently. It was then that Aerith knew one more truth, one final truth and sadly she smiled back at her. The fighter continued in a softer tone, gentle as the hand which came up to cup her cheek, "So... how about we stay here as long as we can then?" "...I'll stay as long as I can, for you," she whispered back. The wind was heavier now than it had been, cold and harsh across their skin and raising goose bumps, so Aerith sat up, setting her determination as she eyes the scattered food that would go to feeding birds and eventually plant life alike. The night was dark and she suddenly felt as though she needed to go elsewhere. But Tifa was upright before her, offering her an arm as she tucked the blanket around the other. "You look cold," she said, "Even with that cute jacket." "I am a bit," Aerith admitted and took the arm, rising to her feet. Together, arm in arm as lovers do, they walked back to the hotel. The grass tickled gently and together they softly spoke of things that were and weren't, that could be but weren't entirely and she was glad of the company, of the friendship, of the love she never outright demanded to have returned and she was content. This was contentment, she told herself, a warm glow in the pit of her stomach that said without words how happy she was. And how much she knew she had to lose if she failed her duty. Tifa held the door open for her and she slipped inside, rubbing her arms. Down the long hallway, Tifa's room was two doors up from her own - Aerith had been recovering so they'd all taken single rooms to avoid anything untoward happening, especially as they'd spent so long tied down in one place because of Cloud's slow recovery. When Tifa paused by her door, Aerith smiled. "This is goodnight then," Tifa said, putting her hand on the handle. "I'll see you in the morning?" "Wait..." she said, putting her hand over Tifa's. "...I don't want to be alone tonight. Can I sleep with you?" "I... dreams?" "Not just that... I... want... to be with you," she stumbled over it and blushed, to her very eartips no doubt, but grateful the dark hallway hid it well. There was silence bar the indrawn and shaking breath of Tifa, as if she hardly dared to believe she had heard those words spoken to her. "I don't mind," Tifa said slowly, voice cracking and wavering with uncertainty. So once Tifa had gathered her wits enough to fit the key into the lock with heavily shaking hands, Aerith followed her into the warmth of a dark room heated only by a small brazier in the corner. Unlike many hotels in Midgar, Gongaga didn't have electricity, so lived a simple life with simple means, something Aerith truly appreciated. Except for times like this, when the room didn't seem any warmer than the hallway outside it. Suddenly hands were chafing her arms, trying to bring blood up to warm her, suffuse her and she knew it was Tifa just behind her, stood very close. Close enough that she dimly realised that her shoulders pressed into the chest of the taller, well endowed girl. Blush rising, she looked over her shoulder. "I have a nighty you can borrow," Tifa murmured, lowering her eyes and letting go. She moved to the bed and tugged out her backpack. Do it. Telling herself to do it and actually doing it were two different things entirely. So as Tifa rummaged for her belongings, she started to remove her jacket, then her boots which clattered to the floor. Tifa mumbled something, digging deeper into the backpack. Grateful she wasn't being watched, Aerith swallowed and started undoing the buttons. Soon, without much to hold it to her, being of such a boyishly slim body, it slid to the floor and she stepped out of it. Before Tifa could produce anything remotely nightwear like, she crossed the distance and pressed herself this time, to her back. Naked. Tifa stiffened. "Aerith?" "...I want, to be with you," she repeated, stressing it more. The girl in her arms, broken, imperfectly perfect to her in every way possible, turned to look upon her, heat on her face, and she kissed her. She kissed her softly, despite the tears she knew that would come and was thrilled when she was kissed back, felt arms slide about her and guide her blindly to the bed where after moments of being alone, she was rejoined once again by Tifa, but this time she could feel the dimpled flesh of the scar rub against her own skin, the minute nicks and cuts as she ran her fingers up the strong arms that swept about her willingly, loving- arms to which she surrendered herself. With the first kiss that left her lips for the curve of her neck she heard the whisper return; "I want to be with you always," and with the tears came the laughter. Delighting in the new sensation as her heart beat wildly on her fragile ribcage. Their touches were unsure, their words soft so no one else could hear and pressed close together, she saved the night for Tifa Lockhart alone... ----------------------------------- Grey dawn betrayed her. She was dressed and sat on the edge of the bed, turning the red materia which Tifa had given her a long time ago over and over in her hands. The fighter, the beautiful girl who had given her stars and delight, joy and love all in one tightly wrapped up heart felt night, lay sleeping. She was always a heavy sleeper when they slept close together, dead to the world because she was close by. Aerith had already unhooked all of her materia, set aside her potions and baubles, given back the precious armaments they had laden her with for her health and now only she and the weapon Tifa had uncovered from the soil inside the Temple of Ages, the Princess Guard, remained. She spoke quietly, knowing nothing could rouse the sleeping woman - not a girl, a woman. Last night had proven them both capable of owning such a title. "I'm sorry. You said a long time ago that I stopped a clock for you, but mine has been ticking down until this moment. Somewhere in the North, that's where I have to go. Please, wait for Cloud to wake up, wait for him. When he's awake, then you may come and find me, because I'll be ready... it'll all be ready. I'll make you proud. I'll stop him..." tears spilled again and she clasped her hand hard about the materia. "For us. Because for the first time, I have something to fight for. Friends, you... I'll fight for it. I'm not strong, Tifa, I know I'm not. Look at me... I couldn't snap a chopstick if I tried... but inside, where my heart is. I'll build a fortress so he can't get in and give you a key. I'll find a way, you'll see. I'll find a way where no one else can." She touched the pale face of Tifa Lockhart. "I'll be with you." ...and into the grey dawn, Aerith Gainsborough left.
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