The Heart of the Matter Yoruichi didn't give Soi anytime to think, to process what she'd just declared. She simply pulled the girl's face towards hers, lightning running through her veins as she wrapped her lips around the Chinese girl's. Like last time she felt the overwhelming dizziness, the growing desire, but this time she made no attempt to subdue it, attribute it to something else. She pulled Soi even closer as she felt her lips wandering, coming to rest on the curve of that pale neck. "Y-Yoruichi..." Soi struggled, her thoughts uncertain. This was all she had ever wanted, for Yoruichi to see her and want her like this. She should have been happy. She should've been savoring this, returning her affection instead of just standing rooted in place like a tree. But as the older girl continued her fevered, ecstatic exploration of her, Soi felt her confusion die down, replaced by anger. "...YORUICHI, STOP IT!" It took a moment for the senior to hear the words, since the first thing that actually broke Yoruichi's trance was the sudden jolt of force, of hands pushing her back into the door. There was an absolute halt of time as they stood frozen, Soi realizing what she'd done and Yoruichi trying to comprehend what was going on. It took the older girl a moment to find her voice. "...Soi...Why are--" "Why am I WHAT, Yoruichi?" The older girl bit her lip, the venom in the other's tone deadlier than she'd expected. Soi had turned to look at the wall, no visible anger on her face, as if she was trying to hold it in even now. "...What is it that I'm doing...that's SUCH a shock that you can't even say it out loud?" Yoruichi opened her mouth, but unlike so many times before no words came to her. She had expected perhaps a little resistance, maybe some tears...but not this degree of subdued fury. "Do you really think that little of me? That as soon as you get tired of Urahara, I'm supposed to be HAPPY when you decide to show up? That because YOU feel this way now that I'm supposed to say, 'Oh, Yoruichi-san! Of course I'll take you back! I'm just a stupid little girl who doesn't have a single shred of integrity or... or autonomy or anything like that!' IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK I AM, YORUICHI? YOUR LITTLE FUCKING PET?!" Soi wasn't holding anything back now as she advanced on Yoruichi, save for the slight dampness on the brim of her eyelids, which only served to make the fire of her steel irises harder to take. Yoruichi knew she deserved this, that she'd been foolish to think that Soi would capitulate to her so easily, but even so she reached out a hand, running her fingers gently along Soi's shoulder. "Soi, wait..." "DON'T TOUCH ME!" the freshman screamed as she knocked the hand away, a look of slight guilt there for a moment before she turned away again, though this time her profile was still visible. Yoruichi reluctantly pulled back, biting her lip as she struggled to put her thoughts into words. "...I know that I hurt you, Soi. And I'm sorry, but... do you really think this is easy for me? Do you think that I just...say this to anyone? I wanted to be with you for so long, but... I just got so scared that I..." "Since when are you afraid of anything?" Yoruichi idled, not answering the rather dark question. "...Soi..." she whispered, drawing close to the girl, so close that she wanted to hold her again, but her hands didn't move. She didn't trust them to keep it so simple. "...I really do love you, and... I wanna be with you. I've never...ever felt this way about anyone. And...you love me too, I KNOW you do." She felt a little rush of hope at the softening of Soi's eyes, a brief glimpse of the look she'd always given her before. When Soi opened her mouth, her voice was hard, but laced with a tremble that betrayed what her face did not. "Of course I do. Yoruichi...I always loved you. But... but you never... bothered to..." Soi held back a sniffle, aching to simply burst into tears and go back into Yoruichi's arms, now that she knew she'd be welcome there. But she couldn't let Yoruichi think she'd simply continue to be pushed over or used like that. She wanted to hurt Yoruichi, wanted to make her understand exactly how she'd felt the moment she'd walked in on her with her arms around Kisuke. The Chinese girl let out a sigh as she backed away slightly from Yoruichi. "I'm tired, Yoruichi-- tired of all this time of lying and hiding and all these bullshit excuses-- that we've BOTH used, and I--" After a deep breath, Soi shook her head in the direction of the front door, her voice little more than a broken tremble. "...I want you to leave." "Soi..." "I'm serious, Yoruichi. Go and don't come back." The upperclassman froze, the words tearing into her, giving her the strange feeling that this was a dream. It had to be. Soi wouldn't do that to her. Not now. "...I can't." She grabbed Soi, held her again, sliding her hands along that small face, the curve of her shoulder, the indescernable dip of her stomach. "Soi, I just..." Unable to bear any more, she slid a hand behind Soi's head, pulling her lips close once again, but again Soi broke the embrace. "I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU LIE TO ME AGAIN!" When Yoruichi didn't move, Soi pushed her back, and when the older girl advanced again Soi did the only thing her disheveled senses could consider, and ran. She let her feet carry her into the kitchen, Yoruichi close behind, but before the senior could catch up Soi threw herself into the bathroom, locking it shut behind her. "Soi, open this door!" Yoruichi yelled as she fought with the brass knob, which shuddered defiantly in her hand. "SOI, I'M SORRY! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!" When no response came she pulled harder, feeling it creak from her strength but retain its shape, refusing to give. "DO YOU WANT ME TO STOP BEING FRIENDS WITH KISUKE?! DO YOU WANT ME TO STAY HERE?! TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT AND I'LL DO IT, JUST PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR AND TALK TO ME!" Yoruichi wasn't aware of how weak her voice had become as she abandoned pretense and began pounding on the door, at first with violent desperation that quickly dwindled into halfheartedly slamming her fist against the wood. She was suddenly aware that it was hard to breathe, that she felt like her heart might explode in her chest, her voice hoarse and strangled. "...Please... don't shut me out." Finally, the lack of any noise but an echo seeping through the crack of the door sunk into Yoruichi's brain, and all at once her strength left her, her body become too heavy for her; she felt gravity drag her to the floor, her hands sliding uselessly along the woodwork, dipping automatically with the simple design carved into the door. She could've broken it with a single kick, sent it flying into a cloud of splinters. At the moment, it might as well have been made of steel. The sensation that her lungs were working overtime hit Yoruichi again as she leaned her head pathetically against the door. Inside her chest, her heart felt like it was being ripped out, slowly and torturously. And somehow it hit her, in that moment, that it really was over. She expected to burst into tears, but all she felt was numb; the place at the center of her chest aching but shriveling up, disappearing. Yoruichi tried to remember why she had done this, why she'd broken Kisuke's heart and her own heart and Soi's heart for all this. And then she remembered. For her pride. Because she had wanted to be strong. Hadn't wanted to depend on, or need anyone. The girl felt herself laugh bitterly, the sound forced. What had her pride ever done for her, but get her into trouble? What had her strength ever gotten her, save for making her build walls around herself? She'd hurt the only people she ever loved, ever cared about, because it had been too difficult to just be honest with herself. "...Please..." Yoruichi was aware, if distantly, of her body sliding to the floor completely, lying on the cool linoleum of the kitchen. She vaguely remembered promising herself that she'd stay here until Soi came out, but the strain of breathing and the dead weight in her chest overwhelmed her, and she drifted into a daze. Inside, Soi sat on the floor, her head between her knees as she curled up a little tighter, uncertain of what to do. ---------- The upperclassman wasn't sure how many hours had passed, how long her mind had been drifting when she suddenly became aware of wood bumping into her head. Instinctively Yoruichi forced herself up, an ache returning in her heart as she looked to find Soi, half between leaving the bathroom and staying, her eyes soft and her face passive. For a minute neither of them moved. Yoruichi opened her mouth, wanted to say something. Anything. But suddenly she found her face in Soi's shoulder, slender arms wrapped around her neck, the girl's chin resting on her collarbone. "Soi, I--" "...I know. I know you do, Yoruichi," Soi admitted as she squeezed the older girl tighter to herself. She had tried so hard to believe that she could be rid of Yoruichi, that she no longer maintained that hold on her being. But hating Yoruichi-- for real-- was simply something she couldn't do. She'd never stopped loving her, but the hurt had blinded her, made her forget. And no matter what Yoruichi did she couldn't bear to hold it against her, not when the look in her eyes now was so far from the teasing and condescending twinkle that had been there before. "Yoruichi..." the girl whispered as she ran a hand gently through the long strands of the senior's hair, a smile barely on her lips as familiar words passed from them, "...You don't have to be so strong all the time." And then something in Yoruichi snapped. She felt a little startled as her voice collapsed into an odd stammering of sobs, tiny wet drops of salt water sliding unheeded from topaz eyes and onto Soi's shirt. Her hands grabbed at the cloth, bunching it up between her fingers on the girl's back as Yoruichi wept. Unfamiliar with the act, Yoruichi only held Soi tighter as the tears flooded out of her now, refusing to halt in the slightest. She felt like a little girl-- small and helpless and weak-- as Soi held her and knew that she must look pathetic, pouring her soul out as everything she'd kept buried down over the course of her life seemed to well up in her at once, but she didn't care. Yoruichi felt, finally, like she'd regained a piece of herself, one that Soi had stolen away, or rather one that had been absent for her whole life but that only this girl had made her aware was missing. And though neither of them spoke through Yoruichi's catharsis she knew that Soi, gently continuing to hold her, felt the same. ---------- Zhou sighed as he stumbled into the house, fatigue temporarily rendering him unaware of his surroundings. Atleast they'd be ready for court on time, he thought grimly as he considered the lazy partner he'd been assigned to. He slipped his shoes off at the door, thinking about how much carpooling was killing him, then set his coat leisurely on the hook by the front door. "Soi-chan? Are you still awake?" He knew he shouldn't have expected a response this late at night, but he supposed it couldn't hurt to check. Sure enough, he walked into the living room, squinting in the darkness to find the TV off, and... He almost gasped, more from surprise than anything else, as what was laying on the couch came into focus. There was Soi, and nestled behind her was Yoruichi, arms wrapped around her thin waist, Soi's back to her and the older girl's head leaning gently on his daughter's pale neck. For a moment he stood there; he knew he said he'd been all right with this knowledge, of who Soi had decided she was, but somehow, seeing this-- and with the girl who'd broken her heart, no less-- made him more than a little uncomfortable. It wasn't as though he'd walked in on them naked, but somehow this seemed no less inappropriate, like he was standing in on an intimate moment. He wanted to say something, wanted to wake them up, wanted to tell Soi that it wasn't right for her to throw herself back to this other girl. But as he leaned forward the floorboards creaked slightly under him, and the sound registered with Yoruichi, who wound her arms a little tighter around Soi in her sleep, a few tears escaping her closed eyes. Zhou wasn't sure how long he stayed in place, eyes glued to the dark hands gripping Soi, protectively and yet helplessly, and then at his daughter's strange expression of peace, of absolute contentment. He said nothing as he walked away, coming back a few minutes later to drape a thin blanket over the girls, a sad smile crossing his lips as Soi snuggled closer to the sleeping form behind her, unable to shake the feeling that she was no longer just his little Soi-chan anymore. He laid the slightest peck on her cheek, then walked to his room, wiping away the single tear that threatened to betray his feelings.
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