Cleo & Sonya's Excellent ShoujoAi Adventure
This story is purely meant for entertainment and should not be taken
seriously.
You know what? Actually, it should, because it has a lot of important
things to say.
Most of them make good sense. The others make no sense. Try and
discern the two.
Please enjoy… although I don’t think I have to tell you. I’m pretty
sure I don’t.
Contains girls loving girls and girls hating stories where guys love
guys. …Huh?
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“This is unbelievable!”
“What’s the matter, Lady Sonya?” Cleo poked her head into the room,
spying her former master’s lover sitting at a desk, reading straight
from the Suikoden archives at Fanfiction.net. Sonya didn’t seem to be
enjoying herself very well; every click of the mouse produced an even
more disgusted look on her face.
“This is absolutely appalling!” she spat out angrily. “It seems that
no matter where I look in this section, I’m running into nothing but
shounen-ai! Look, see here!” Sonya then activated the link for a
random story, and scrolled down until she came to a certain point.
“Look,” she indicated, “see there? It’s another story about two men
finding unlikely and improbable love with each other!”
“Well, there’s nothing wrong with that,” shrugged Cleo. “I mean, for
one, don’t the authors have a right to put down what they want?
Besides, you know you like reading it, especially if it involves Alen
and Grenseal!”
“I do not!” she blurted defensively, though her red cheeks betrayed
her outburst. Cleo chuckled, and leaned in so she could scroll around
the rest of the archives and prove her companion wrong.
“Sonya, you’re overreacting. Look, this isn’t completely overrun with
shounen-ai, and…… oh, wait, maybe it is…” Cleo frowned grimly as she
continued to scroll down the list, and even as she jumped from page to
page, there was little to be found outside of constant yaoi stories,
most of which did not make any sense at all.
“…Oh dear,” she murmured, biting her lip. “Sonya, I hate to admit it,
but you may be right. Out of all the pages in the Suikoden archive,
nearly every single story in here is a yaoi. Most of it’s focused on
Jowy and Riou, and of course the two knights in each of the games, and
there’s a few Viktor-Flik and Tir-Gremio. Goodness, what a bizarre
imagination these people must have!”
“Bizarre nothing!” hissed Sonya sourly. “It’s a perversion! It’s
insane! It’s uncalled-for, irresponsible, unfair, and immature! All
right, I suppose I could understand a few stories here and there… I
mean, people do have many different creative ideas… but this is
outrageous!” With a growl, Sonya quickly logged out of the website,
but of course, since it was Fanfiction.net, she had to activate Ad
Blocker for the millionth time that week, and suffered through many
messages telling her that “the story did not exist” or “the page was
not available”.
Finally, she escaped the Website and the Internet entirely, and bolted
out of her chair angrily, like lava from a volcano. Cleo understood
her rage, and clenched her fist tightly as her comrade smashed on the
monitor with her fist.
“What kind of sick freaks are populating this world?” growled the
brunette. “Has the entire world gone gay? Isn’t there anyone with the
sense to create a decent straight pairing? Or do we have to do
everything ourselves?”
“I’m afraid to say that it might be the second option,” murmured Sonya
thoughtfully. She turned to face Cleo, a very serious look on her
beautiful face. “Listen, Cleo… If anybody can fix this yaoi mess, it’s
us women. I don’t mind seeing two bishonen get together for sweetheart
time, but we must put our foot down somewhere. Enough is enough,
wouldn’t you agree?”
“Yes! But… what do you propose we do?”
“It’s really quite simple,” said Sonya with a playful purr. “The two
of us must counter all this shounen-ai nonsense, and there’s only two
ways to do it. One of them is to bolster straight pairings, and the
other is to hit them with the opposite.”
“You mean shoujo-ai?” said Cleo. Sonya nodded her head, and the
brunette instantly became sick as she knew what was about to
transpire. “Ohhhhh, no! I know what you’re thinking, Sonya Shuelen,
and I’m not going to be a part of it!”
“I never said that you had to, Cleo!” replied the blonde. “I was just
giving you the statistics. We either support a male-female pairing in
Suikoden or one with two women. Or… we could do the hardest thing of
them all, and write a story with no pairing in it at all.”
“Is that even possible?” wondered Cleo, sounding very astounded. A
non-romance story in Suikoden (or any) fanfiction was definitely not
normal, and very few people had ever bothered to try it. It would be
foreign territory and very difficult, so the two beautiful soldiers
decided to just go down the romance road for the time.
“Yes… but let’s do what we’re familiar with first,” replied Sonya
after some thought. “But of course, even then, ‘normal’ pairings
outnumber shoujo-ai pairings. As far as I know, there’s only about
three or four out there in the Suikoden archives--at least on
Fanfiction.net.” Cleo groaned miserably in defeat.
“So we are going for a yuri! Sonya!”
“Now, now, this is strictly for business and the pursuit of all things
fair,” replied the General wisely. “And remember, the two of us don’t
have to be the poster women for this movement. We could pull out any
two women from the Tablet of Stars and it would work. How else do you
think half of the stories start out?”
“Ah, I was wondering how it worked!” Cleo smiled brightly, and shook
hands with Sonya as the two women entered into a partnership to make
people aware of new and fresh pairings, and put heavy restraint on
overabundant shounen-ai.
One hour later, our heroines have gathered Camille and Milia together,
and explained their plight…
“No WAY!!!” screamed the redhead. “I’m not going along with your sick
ideas! I never want to be in a shoujo-ai story for as long as I live!
That’s sick!”
“And you wanted me to be paired up with her?” said Milia, her voice
dripping with disbelief. She gave Camille a look and shied away as she
saw the fiery woman glaring at Cleo and Sonya. “Ugh, definitely not,
even if I had no choice.”
“Are you saying there’s something wrong with me?!?!” screamed Camille,
quickly brandishing her spear. Milia brought hers out as well and
countered Camille’s stance perfectly.
“Of course not! But you’re so ill-mannered and hot-tempered that it
disgusts me!”
“I’m WHAT?! You take that back, you boot-licking dragon-humping ditzy
blonde!”
“I’M NOT A DITZY BLONDE!!!!” Milia and Camille both lost their tempers
and flew towards each other in a bloody death-match, their spears
violently clashing and their anger spewing out in flames. Cleo and
Sonya stood back a good distance (like half a mile), watching in quiet
astonishment as the two women fought each other bitterly. Suddenly,
Camille got a scratch on her arm, and Milia received a cut on her
shoulder.
“Ow!”
“Ouch!”
“That hurt!” They both groaned and clutched their arms in pain,
grinding their teeth and glaring at each other. Suddenly, for no
reason at all, Milia reached out and touched Camille’s wound.
“You’re hurt…”
“Only because of you!”
“But you hurt me as well…”
“So you want an apology or something?” Milia shook her head slowly.
“No… I just want… I just want…”
“What? What do you want?” Milia paused for suspense before concluding
the enigma.
“I just… want you, Camille!”
“WHAT!” Before Camille knew it, Milia had pounced on her, her arms
wrapping around the woman’s lithe frame as they began to kiss
passionately. Meanwhile, completely left to their own devices far
away, Sonya and Cleo watched in dumbstruck awe as the very unlikely
scene “blossomed”.
“Uhh… what just happened?”
“Let’s… not stick around to find out,” recommended Cleo. She guided
Sonya away by the arm, leaving the two rivals/lovers to experience
each other’s love. As usual.
Five minutes later, our heroines walk down a stone path together…
“I really didn’t see that coming,” said Cleo, breaking the awkward
silence. Sonya sighed wearily.
“I did. You know that it’s a standard rule for all rivals in any anime
or video game to be lovers, regardless of gender. They may appear to
hate each other, but rules state that the strongest hate was branched
from the strongest love. So in theory, I am in love with the young
Master.”
“Wait a minute!” blurted Cleo, standing in front of her companion.
“What rules? What theory? I was never told about any of this!” Sonya
gave Cleo another sigh, and rolled her eyes as if to say, “a woman
with your experience should really know better”.
“Well, lady Cleo… these aren’t official rules, of course. It’s just
that… so many fanfiction writers seem to think that way; it’s really
almost become acceptable. I know it seems strange and illogical, but
which makes more sense: an overabundance of shounen-ai stories,
regardless of the lead character’s sexual preference, or
rivals/enemies becoming lovers?”
A pause.
“You have a point,” agreed Cleo. “It’s really perplexing. But Camille
and Milia weren’t even rivals, and they didn’t appear to dislike each
other until we brought up the whole yuri thing.”
“They were arguing,” emphasized Sonya. “For many writers, that’s good
enough for a romance story.” Cleo made a face and sneered, visibly
disgusted.
“Ugh, what’s this world come to?” Sonya nodded her head, agreeing
wholeheartedly.
“I know! That’s why we have to do what we’re doing now!”
“But who else would want to be involved in a yuri relationship that we
know of?” Sonya sighed thoughtfully, and gave it a long period of
consideration. Her gaze wandered to Cleo’s, who was slowly realizing
what she had in mind. “Oh, Sonya…”
“We’re the only ones I trust to complete this crusade,” she said
quietly. “Nobody else could do it. Most of those pairings don’t even
make sense, but at least it would if you and I were…” Cleo interrupted
her, shaking her head as if to clear up all the nonsense.
“Look, I like and respect you a lot, Lady Sonya, but there are some
lines I would never cross, not even for a good cause.”
“We won’t have sex or anything like that!” exclaimed Shuelen. “In
fact, we don’t even have to touch each other for it to work. We could
just pine for each other hopelessly and it would count.”
“Really? Are you sure?” Sonya nodded her head on both accounts. “How
do you know all that?”
“Well, I was spending a lot of time in those fanfiction archives,” she
replied with a mysterious smirk. “When you spend as much time in there
as I have, you learn a few things.”
“…I see. Well, this reminds me why I never wanted to waste my time…
Anyway, where should we go now?” Ignoring her comrade’s remark, Sonya
turned around and pointed into the distance.
“There,” she said. “We go in that direction. It leads to the Suikoden
Office of Official and Non-canon Pairings. We can talk to the ones in
charge there and see if anything can’t be done about this situation.”
“I think I understand,” replied the brunette. “Well, we’d better get
going, then. Oh, Sonya?”
“Yes?” Cleo’s face turned red as she looked down at the path,
obviously uncomfortable about what she was going to say next.
“If we’re going to represent the shoujo-ai couples of the Suikoden
format archive… do we have to hold hands or anything?” Sonya grinned
and chuckled at the older woman’s bashfulness. It was really quite
cute, in a strange way.
“I think so,” she said, though she was positive that it wasn’t
necessary. She just wanted to see how far Cleo would go, and how badly
the older woman wanted the officials to recognize more than just yaoi.
With a sigh, Cleo inched closer to her comrade and slipped her hand
into Sonya’s.
“All right, if it’s necessary, I won’t complain. …Oh. Well, uh… it’s
not so bad…” Cleo blushed cutely again, and Sonya couldn’t help but
chuckle quietly as she guided her “companion” to the Office of
Pairings.
Five awkward minutes pass, and our heroines find themselves at the
Office of Pairings…
The two beautiful women were still holding hands as they came into the
large office building, so they drew a few stares. While they were in
there, they spotted Qlon and Mina talking quietly, and could see
Templeton and Meg speaking about adventures. Luc and Viki were
absorbed in a mature conversation (surprise) and Lorelai was waiting
alongside Flik. The two women stared quietly at the unusual pairings
as they made their way through, until they came to the main office
room.
“It looks like this is the place,” observed Cleo. “Hmm… should we
knock?”
“No, we’re on a mission,” replied Sonya. “Let’s show ourselves in. If
the door is locked, we break it down!” Cleo couldn’t help but grin at
the younger woman, and released her hand so she could try the knob. To
her faint disappointment, it was unlocked, and they were allowed
inside. The room they entered was a bit like a courtroom, except that
only the judge’s chair remained, and of course the judge.
“Ah, what are you two ladies doing here?” he asked them. “What can I
help you with? If you’re looking for Alen and Grenseal, they’re off
chasing rabbits.”
“…Excuse us?” The judge flustered and corrected his error.
“Oh, whoops! I meant to say that they’re scheduled to join lady
Camille and lady Milia! I wouldn’t know what for, especially since I
just got the word that they’re now a couple.”
“Who, Alen and Grenseal?”
“No, Camille and Milia! Strange, eh?” Both Cleo and Sonya gave each
other grim looks before responding.
“…Yeah… So what’re Alen and Grenseal going to do, convert them?”
“I didn’t know homosexuality was a religion!” coughed the judge. Cleo
and Sonya shared another grim stare.
“Uh… whatever. Anyway, your honor, we’re here to talk to you today
about shounen-ai pairings--but not in the way you’re thinking of.” The
elderly man smiled, adjusting his glasses as he gazed down at them.
“Oh, I’m pretty sure I know. Two beautiful young ladies such as you
should have an interest in yaoi stories. I myself don’t care for them;
I like mysteries better. But I’d say that it’s pretty normal for you.”
“Actually, your honor, we’d like for you to take action against them.”
A pause.
“Huh? What was that? Did I hear you correctly, lady Cleo?”
“Yes, your honor,” she replied. “Lady Sonya and I have both observed
that there is far too many yaoi stories on the Suikoden archive of
Fanfiction.net--actually, they’re all over the place, but Suikoden
concerns us first because we’re a part of that universe--so we’d like
for you to do something.” The judge frowned, fixing his glasses as he
grumbled and considered their words. It wasn’t unusual for a person to
request abolishing a certain kind of fiction, but two beautiful women
who wanted to put an end to shounen-ai…?
“Do something? What do you think I could do? What’s done is done, and
I can’t interfere with a person’s creative licenses, no matter how
absurd or monotonous they seem.”
“We realize this, your honor,” replied Sonya. “And while we can’t undo
what’s done, we do have a suggestion for you.”
“What’s that?” he wondered. Sonya and Cleo smiled at each other, and
clasped hands once again.
“Shoujo-ai, your honor,” they said together. The elderly man raised
his eyebrow in confusion.
“Hmm? Shoujo-ai? You mean yuri? When two girls love each other?”
“Yes, your honor. You must realize that the ratio of yaoi and yuri
stories is almost nonexistent. For every hundred shounen-ai there are,
one shoujo-ai exists. We must make more people aware of this! We must
make them believe that there is more to the Suikoden world than just
gay men!”
“But you’re doing just the opposite!” coughed the judge. “I’m all for
adverse pairings and original ideas, but you’re just trying to crusade
for the opposite of what you’re fighting against! Besides, there’s
enough of that in the Sailor Moon archives!”
“But we’re from the Suikoden archives!” insisted Cleo. “And if you’ve
ever spent any time running through their volumes, you’ve noticed that
out of six-hundred plus stories, there’s only five or so with any hint
of shoujo-ai!” The judge sighed and frowned again, uncomfortable with
the unusual burden that had just been cast upon him. He was
technically neutral in every field and aspect, and usually championed
a pairing if he felt it was justified and it made sense. He understood
the soldiers’ dilemma, though, and came to a verdict.
“Well, your case is justified and your reasoning is sound. I’d like to
see where this goes. Lady Cleo, Lady Sonya, upon your request and by
the power vested in me by the Pairings Commission of the Entertainment
Industry, I hereby declare your case affirmed and supported. May the
two of you be the best examples by which every other pairing is
modeled after.”
“Uh… us?” they squeaked. He nodded his head.
“Yes, you. You wanted to fight against yaoi by using its exact
opposite, so why don’t you practice what you preach? Go ahead and
leave in peace and love; I have many more pairings to do. Next?” Cleo
and Sonya were left to gape as the judge decreed his sentence, and
soon another pairing walked through the door: Borus and Yumi. They
shyly waved at the “new couple” and began speaking to the judge about
their own case. Sonya and Cleo were left to stare at each other in
amazement.
“Well, I guess we’ve made our bed and now we have to sleep in it,”
shrugged the brunette. Sonya shivered.
“Brr! What a disturbing analogy! If I didn’t know any better, I’d say
that you had a dirty mid, Lady Cleo!” Cleo gave Sonya a lewd smile and
placed her arm around the younger woman’s shoulder.
“You’ll never know… Let’s just go home and reap the fruits of our
labor.”
“Aah! More suggestive talk! Cleo!!” Cleo chuckled quietly, and led
Sonya out of the Office for Pairings and back down the path, where
they went back to where they once belonged.
Three hours later…
Cleo and Sonya cuddled together softly, happy to be in the gentle
embrace of each other--surprisingly. Cleo smiled, stroking Sonya’s
golden locks of free-flowing hair as she felt the younger woman
breathe in and out, her pulse vibrating every so often. She had been
on both sides of embraces before, man and woman alike, but this was
the first time where there were any real feelings of love in the
action. The two had originally started out as being bewildered and
tentative, but a few hours spent together melted their walls (and
their heart), and soon they were in each other’s arms--all for a
“noble” cause.
“You know, this isn’t half-bad,” said Sonya quietly. She looked up
into the beautiful face of the woman who was once her lover’s servant,
and smiled at the image of loveliness. She even touched her face
delicately, making sure that there was plenty of shoujo-ai to go
around.
“You’re very beautiful,” she whispered. Cleo smiled.
“You’re not so bad yourself, milady.” They smiled at each other, and
Sonya quietly kissed the older woman’s hand several times. “Yeah… this
is kind of nice… and who knows, maybe more shoujo-ai will come of it!”
“Or less shounen-ai,” added Sonya with a nod. “Or best of all, unique
pairings. It doesn’t matter; the point is that people should think
outside the box every once in awhile.”
“Mmm… you’re right. Oh! Hey… I wonder what the girls from all the
other Suikoden games think of this! I wonder, indeed…”
Meanwhile, at Leona’s bar in Dunan Castle…
“I honestly think it’s great that people are finally concentrating on
alternate pairings!” General Valeria smiled and gave Miklotov a big
sweet hug. Beside her, Anita gave Camus a big sweet kiss.
“It’s the unappreciated characters that benefit from this the most,”
she sang. “Or maybe it’s us four; who knows?” Behind them, polishing a
glass and raising her black eyebrow, Leona gave them an erotic stare.
“Oh? Well, you know, Cleo and Sonya were talking about shoujo-ai… so
you’re not exactly accurate. Although the four of you look very good
together!”
“Shoujo-ai?” blurted Anita and Valeria at the same time. They gawked,
pointing at each other and shrieking, “You mean I have to be with
her?”
“You are rivals,” shrugged Leona. “You know the rules.”
“RULES??” Miklotov sighed in defeat.
“Oh, darn--and just when I was getting to like the arrangement. I’ll
bet somebody out there wants to see a Camus/Miklotov shounen-ai as
well…”
“I DO!!!” screamed Nanami. A sweat drop came to Camus’ head.
“Ahuh… oh jeez… what a predicament! I wonder how the girls from the
other Suikoden games feel about this. I wonder indeed…”
Meanwhile, somewhere in Brass Fortress…
BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!
“Stupid True Water Rune!” shouted Chris, slamming her hand against the
wall over and over again. Every strike was designed to silence the
accursed annoying spirits who would forevermore remain inside its
mystical walls.
“Ouch! Lady Chris, that hurts!”
“Stop talking to me!” she screamed, covering her ears with her
gauntlets. “I’m not hearing these voices! The doctor told me that it’s
all in my head! Stop it!”
“But you’re not hearing voices!” insisted the whispering sound that
came from the Rune. “This is Yun speaking to you through the Rune!
Remember what transpired in the Sindar Ruins, where you attained the
Rune and discovered the identity of your father? Now I can speak to
you always, forevermore! We’ll be together, Chris--in spirit, maybe,
but together!”
“Auuugh, I’m not going crazy!” Chris drew her hand back and slammed it
against the wall, again and again, hoping to silence the voices in her
head.
BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!
“Stupid True Water Rune!”
“Ouch! Ouch! That hurts! Owie!”
“Uhh, Lady Chris…”
“Don’t bother, Percival,” advised Borus, shoving his friend away
gently with his arm. He looked back at the Silver Maiden and her
senseless masochism, and shook his head. “It’s best not to ask.”
The End… sort of…
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