She didn’t know how long she stood in the small shop at the end of the world. Staring at small packages. People were passing by. They all were in a hurry. None of them looked at the young woman standing in front of a white shelf looking down at several white packages. Her dark green eyes looked tired and her face was very pale. She wore a thick, black jacket but her body still trembled as if she was really cold. I am crazy. Haruka shook slightly her head. After her training at the race track she sat down in her silver Ferrari and drove over two hours like hell to get into a village at the other side of the big island. To make really sure that there was no one who would recognize her. Who knew her. What if I am right? Her hands shook as she reached for one package and looked closer at the cover. She saw a laughing woman and wondered if any women who used it would be so happy like this one. No, I am certainly wrong. But instincts never betrayed me... Haruka looked after the price and raised surprised one eyebrow. It was very expensive. Too expensive for the sense it had been made once. Well, if you’re desperate enough you’d spend every yen you have just to be sure. She sighed deeply, searched shortly for her cheque card and walked over to the counter to pay it. The old man behind it looked up at her and frowned. He knew that a lot of women came in his shop to buy it but it was seldom that a man bought it. A man with such a concerned look in his dark green eyes. He told him the amount and the young man paid. “Wish you luck. You and your girlfriend.” Said the old man and smiled an understanding, pity smile Haruka hated. It was the same smile she got when she had to tell strangers that she was indeed a woman. That she was indeed Michiru’s girlfriend. That she was indeed Hotaru’s >papa<. She grabbed the package and put it deep into the pockets of her jacket. Then she climbed into the silver Ferrari, speeded up and flew over the small street not caring about red lights or rights of way. Some horns honked but she didn’t hear them. Her race down the highway towards Tokyo looked like a flight. *** “Tenô-san? Are you ready? The manager wants to talk to you and the mechanic wants to tell you something about your car.” Haruka took a deep breathe. “Hai. I am coming. Just two more minutes.” She shouted back and heard how the steps went away. My goddess... The young car racer raised her head and looked out of the tiny window to see the snow flakes falling down. They looked so light, so weightless. But at the same time so full of energy. So full of life... Haruka sat on the toilette of the race track. She had locked herself. For over half an hour now. Of course some one mentioned it. They all did sooner or later when the wildest and best car racer they ever had in their team, simply disappeared. The training wasn’t over now but the senshi of the wind was sure that she wouldn’t take part in it any longer for today. Last weekend she won the Grand Prix of Japan and now they practised for the World’s Championship. But Haruka wasn’t in the mood today to sit down behind a steering wheel and to feel the horses under the red bonnet. It can’t be! She swallowed hard and slowly she lowered her head from the snow outside. Only one week until Christmas and for the first time of her life the young car racer was scared of the festival of love. Afraid of being alone. Total alone. Forever... It can’t be! For another ten minutes she stared back at the red sign in her hands. It was obviously and she knew if she would repeat it the red sign would appear again. It won’t change. Haruka swallowed hard and came back to her feet. She put the white thing back into her jacket and slowly left the toilette. It can’t be, but it is true! *** "The Christmas tree should stay in that corner." Sceptically Minako observed the large living-room and walked around with a big ruler. Everything should be perfect. Of course it should be. "I am so exited what Mamo-chan will give me and what he will think of my gift." Usagi sat on the white couch and looked dreamy into the chimney. A nice, light fire burned in it and with some candles lightened it made a comforting atmosphere. Like real Christmas. Still they had to wait for almost another week but they were all crazy about it now. Usagi's parents invited some of their friends and Rei's temple was closed during the Christmas time, because her grandfather wanted to tidy it up. At least one time at the year, he told his granddaughter and all the senshi looked with big, pleading eyes at Haruka and Michiru. "What is it this time? A handmade scarf no one can look at it because all assume it to be a pullover without any holes for the head or the arms?" asked Rei and soon they both got into a nice argument. Ami didn't listen to them. She had put her thick book away and looked in the chimney, too. She loved Christmas. Especially since she could celebrate it with her friends. Of course her mother had to work that special evening but the senshi of the water knew that she wouldn't be lonely that night. Never again. The senshi of the wind entered their house and shook the snow out of her jacket while she changed her shoes. She ran a icy hand through her slightly wet hairs and put down some bag on the kitchen's table. She could hear how Rei and Usagi argued and a thin smile appeared on her pale face. "More gifts?" asked Makoto who observed the kitchen and made notes on a sheet what else she had to buy. Or at least Michiru had to buy for her. Because the inner senshi were still at school and so the outer senshi decided to invite them in this Christmas. "Hai." Haruka oppressed a yawn. She looked really tired. "Your trainer's too hard with you. Did you train up to now?" Makoto opened a cooking book and studied the table of contents. "Next year's the World Championship and he wants me to win it." "As always." Giggled the senshi of thunder and looked curiously at the bags. "Don't you dare to risk a look, Mako. Otherwise I'll have to punish you in the name of Uranus." Laughed Haruka and went over to the great cook. "And, what are we supposed to eat in about a week?" "That shall be a surprise." Answered Makoto with a smile and yawned, too. Christmas time was a hard time. Especially when she had to bake so many cakes, ginger breads and Santa Clauses. "Ohhh...." Haruka seemed to be disappointed. The smaller senshi giggled, then concentrated on the receipt again. "It's already seven, isn't it? Damned!" cursed Michiru as she ran through the living-room. Shortly she embraced her lover and gave her a quick kiss on the still cold lips. The senshi of the wide ocean wear her violin case in her hands and she almost strangled herself with the long scarf she war wearing. Then they heard the horn outside. "Hell, they'll be angry with me when I am too late." Said Michiru but kissed her Ruka again. They didn't see the whole day and this time was simply busy. Christmas time. A lot of tests, a lot of concerts. This was the best time to get money from rich people. For poor children. And some of the concerts were tradition. She couldn't simply cancel them all, only the ones that weren't so important. She knew she needed more time with her Haruka and she swore to herself that she would take it after Christmas. "Gomen, I don't have the time. They wanted to fetch me up ten minutes ago and..." Michiru kissed her Haruka again and Makoto couldn't oppress a giggle. "And I simply forgot time. I wanted to practice that complicate part again and..." "I have to talk to you." Whispered Haruka and Makoto frowned as she suddenly heard sadness in that always joking, always teasing, always laughing voice. Michiru hesitated and stared into dark green eyes. Then they heard the horn again. Honking impatiently. Some of her fellow musicians sat in the car and they all knew how angry the conductor could react if they were late. Especially before Christmas. "Can we talk about it later?" asked Michiru and hated herself for those words. But she couldn't simply cancel the whole thing. The beneficial concert she would give at Christmas Day and at Sylvester were too important for the foundation. >But if you can help only one of those children to become healthy and strong again, it's worth it.< she heard the soft voice in her head while she headed towards the door and knew that she did the right thing. "Sure..." answered Haruka and felt how her throat tightened. Then the senshi of the wide ocean was gone and she felt suddenly very alone. I wanted to tell you. Right now. When I didn't have the time to think about it. To understand it. Haruka ignored Makoto's asking looks and went over to the living-room. She saw how Rei haunted Usagi, Minako observed the wall with stars sparkling in her eyes and Ami looking dreamy into the steady flames. Mamoru and Setsuna were still at university and at work. They would join them later. "And then the big bear said to the little dragon: Hey, bear, don't you know it's cold out there?" Haruka turned her heard as she heard the high voice and another one laughing happily. Chibiusa said on a big blanket in front of the couch. She hold two toys in her hands and played for Hotaru. The small girl clapped exited in her hands and her dark eyes sparkled. A lucky smile laid on her now redden face and her hands tried to touch the animals moved by the future Princess of Crystal Tokyo. I love you so much. Haruka took a deep breathe but couldn't enter the living-room. She simply stood their, leaned her right arm against the door frame. Her Michiru was gone to have another test that would last very long. Maybe up to midnight. Maybe up to dawn. Suddenly Haruka felt like a stranger in her own house. So absent under all those happy laughing girls. So wrong because she couldn't feel any joy for the coming Christmas. All she felt was fear. Deep fear she didn't even feel when they found the talismans andalmost died. When Sailor Saturn wanted to sacrifice herself for the world and Sailor Moon almost missed to transform herself. When the rude man wanted to kill her Himme-chan and took her instead of her money. This fear was stronger and it increased like the nausea she felt almost every morning now. She could hardly eat anything without throwing it up afterwards. Michiru didn't mention, because she had to stood up earlier than her. And every time Haruka wanted to tell her the smaller senshi was in such a hurry or there wasn't the right place to tell her. Haruka lowered her head and closed her burning eyes. What shall I do when I am never able to tell her at all? *** It was cold in the white room. She froze and automatically pulled the sleeves of her wide dark pullover over her icy hands. The older woman looked at her with a concerned expression on her face, frowned and sighed deeply. They had talked for over an hour now and silence surrounded them for another one. "You know what it means?" "Hai." "And you're sure that you want to do it?" "Hai." "I mean, really, really sure." "Hai." "It will change your life forever. Do you know the consequences?" "Hai." Please, think it over. Four days are a long time. Talk to other people and imagine how your life will be after you made your decision." "Hai." "And change your mind, for heaven's sake!" "No." Haruka rose from her chair, bowed slightly before the doctor and went away. Holding a crumbled paper tight in her trembling hands. *** As always Rei was haunting Usagi through the whole house. They got used to it. And to a crazy cook, a crazy organisator and a crazy violinist. Haruka sighed deeply as she sat down in front of her piano. She opened it and her hands touched the keys. But she wasn't able to play. Tears burned in her deep green eyes as she looked at her trembling hands. But she simply wasn't able to play melodies that once had made sense. No they were all too happy, too loving. Too unreal. "Michi-chan's at the opera?" asked the senshi without looking up as the door was opened. Ami sneaked into the room and it was one of the few times when she didn't wear a heavy book in her hands. "Hai." Answered the senshi of the water and frowned. Haruka looked so strange today. So sad. So lonely. So alone... Ami swallowed hard and came nearer. There were no notes on the piano and she asked herself why the young car racer didn't play the instrument anymore. Why she didn't want to accompany her Michiru in her concerts this year as she always had done at Christmas. "I shall greet you for her and say that she won't be at home before dawn." Automatically both looked out of the huge windows. It was already dark outside. Both sighed slightly. "Hope we don't annoy you changing your whole house into a big festival. But you know Mina-chan. You can't hinder her when she has her ideas. And Makoto already filled your fridge, I thought it was going to explode." Ami giggled but Haruka didn't even smile. "Michiru said that she's very sorry and that she'll take more time for you after the concerts." The senshi of the wind nodded thoughtfully, her hands still resting on the keys. Motionless. Then they heard how an exited voice shouted for Ami from downstairs. The senshi of the water hesitated. But then there were another impatient voice demanding for her. She glanced shortly at Haruka and shrugged helpless her shoulders. "It's okay, Ami. Help them before they're burning down the house and we have to celebrate Christmas at the snowy beach." Said Haruka and turned her face away. So that the younger senshi couldn't see the tears sparkling in her eyes. Tears she couldn't hold back any longer. "If you need anything, Haruka, just tell. We're your friends." Ami placed her hands on the taller woman's shoulders and squeezed them tight for some seconds. Then she went away and closed the door silently behind her. In that very moment Haruka covered her burning face with her icy hands and couldn't held back a desperate sob. She gasped hard for breathe and her whole body trembled. Maybe it's better that way. The young car racer sat there for a very long time. Motionless. Unable to think of anything than the appointment she had with the doctor. Soon. Maybe it's better for Michiru that she never got to know about it. Haruka swallowed and knew that it would be very hard for her without her girlfriend's help. Without her understanding words. Without her comforting gestures. Without her love. And suddenly the strong senshi of the wind wasn't sure if she was able to survive it all alone. I have no other choice... Haruka lowered her head and simply let her tears fall. No one heard her desperate sobs. No one hold her tight. *** Her alarm clock interrupted her dreams and she almost fell out of her bed. Michiru reached over to it and slammed it with a tortured expression on her tired face. She rubbed her eyes and turned around to look at her girlfriend. She liked it to watch her lover sleep. Deep and tight. Without any nightmares haunting her down. Not as long as she was with her. But the bed was empty beside her. Haruka was gone. I didn't remember that there was any training with the guys. Michiru frowned as she left the bed and went slowly into the bathroom. A very tired face greeted her out of the mirror and Michiru turned away quickly. She felt like she had run a long way and she knew that the busy time wasn't over yet. Christmas was in two days and tonight would be another concert. I still don't have all presents. She opened the wardrobe to took out a new towel. A fresh shower would help her to awake a little bit more. She didn't want to cause an accident when she tried to get to the opera because she fell asleep. She felt weak and guilty. She only saw her Ruka when she sneaked into the bedroom late at night or even early in the morning. It seemed as if Haruka wanted to talk to her. About something important. But she simply didn't have the time and when she came home she didn't want to wake her lover up. She looks so cute when she sleeps. So innocent. Mostly the young violinist was gone before her lover awoke and the whole chaos started again. Hopefully she forgives me for my lack of time. Michiru grabbed energetically the towel as it didn't want to come out of the wardrobe and almost flew against the next wall as she hold it suddenly in her hands. It cracked as something hit the tiled ground and Michiru picked it up to put it away. As she saw the cover, read the few lines, she froze in motion. She frowned as she opened the package and gasped hard for breathe as she saw the red sign. Her eyes widened and suddenly she knew what Haruka wanted to tell her so badly during the past days. I baka... Michiru swallowed hard and slowly went on her knees. The towel landed somewhere next to her on the ground but she didn't mention it. She looked at the sign again and again until she was sure that she understood what it meant. With trembling hands she closed the package again and almost screamed as she saw her lover's shaky writing on the paper. Haruka had written down the name of the hospital and a date. And a time. Michiru looked at her watch and her eyes widened even more. Now they were filled with tears while she got to her feet as if she was beaten by lightening. The package fell unseen on the towel as she returned into the sleeping room and opened all their wardrobes. Her whole body trembled as she took some warm winter clothes outside and pulled them over herself without stripping the blue night dress. She didn't brush her hairs, only knotted them together with a determined motion. Then she run over to her daughter's room. Not mentioning that tears were running down her suddenly pale cheeks. Again she looked at her watch and shook her head fiercely. She can't do it. Michiru sobbed slightly as she woke her daughter up. She can't do it. Not all alone.. *** "Nani?" Usagi yawned and looked surprised at Michiru who handled her an almost sleeping Hotaru. "Please, baby-sit her for today. It's very import." Said the young violinist and Usagi could see that the taller woman had been crying. Her hairs were messed and her clothes looked crumbled. And they didn't fit together. The colours looked strange. A light green with a dark yellow and an ugly grey. "Michiru! What happened!" she demanded to know but the senshi of the wide ocean already returned to the parking silver Ferrari and Usagi didn't get another answer than the roaring of the engine as Michiru drove away. As fast as Haruka always did on the race track. *** Why am I sitting here? She stared at the newspaper in her hands without really seeing it. A small bag laid on the ground of the waiting room, touched her trembling legs. What am I doing here? Haruka closed her eyes and clenched her fists. She made her decision that day she got to know about it. It wasn't a good decision and she wasn't sure if she would be able to live with the consequences. But it was the best decision she found. The decision that seemed to be fair for herself. And for the other person. Do I really want to go over to that room and simply let it happen? She bowed her head and sighed deeply. She didn't want to look up again. To see the pregnant woman sitting next to her. With her husband by her side. They both looked so happy. They talked the whole time about their unborn child and what they would give it. They talked about the baby clothes, about the cradle and about the baptism. Haruka wanted to put her hands over her ears so that she wasn't forced anymore to listen to their happy whispers. But she couldn't move. She was simply to weak to. Am I really weak? Am I a coward? She didn't know. All she knew was that she would never be able to love it. That she would hate it for something that wasn't it's fault. And that she didn't want it to feel her angry feelings towards it. "Tenô Haruka?" she heard the nurse's voice and slowly raised her head. Her eyes were dry but her face was as white as the wall behind her. She grabbed her bag and slowly, very slowly came to her feet. The nurse smiled at her and she wondered is she would ever be able to smile such a nice smile again in her whole life. "Are you ready?" The nurse waited patiently for her and how she stood there made sure that she would hold the patient if the young woman would faint. Am I ready? Haruka sighed deeply as she left the waiting room. She didn't find an answer. *** Half an hour too late! Michiru pushed the door open and stumbled over her own feet. She almost crashed into a palm tree that stood next to the reception. Her hands slammed hard the board and an astonished nurse looked up. "Can I help you?" she asked and smiled friendly up at her. She ignored the messed hairs, the crumbled clothes and the wild looks of the young woman. This was a hospital. Most of the people looked that way. During her long years as a nurse she got used to it. She got to know that the appearance didn't tell anything about the person behind it. "Tenô Haruka..." gasped the young woman and suddenly tears were running down her cheeks. "Is she here?" Then she started desperately to sob and lowered her head. Her shoulders trembled and she simply couldn't calm herself down. Half an hour too late! It's all my fault! Because of those silly tests! Of those stupid concerts! She wanted to tell me. And I didn't listen... "Hai, her appointment started at nine." The nurse left the reception and ran over to the young woman as she went on her knees. She covered her face with her hands and the car keys jingled as they fell upon the soft carped that covered the whole practise. Damned! Too late! "Hey, young lady! Can I help you?" The nurse looked concerned at her and shrugged her shoulders as the doctor came out of her room. Of course she heard the sobs, too. Although the young woman and her husband spoke very loudly about their unborn child. About their son. About the brother for their five year old girl. Dr. Sagurasa frowned as she recognized the young woman. She had seen her once. Now it was almost two months ago but she still remembered her. How she had been so concerned about her girlfriend in the hospital. "Calm yourself down, Kaioh-san." The old woman went on her knees and handled the still crying young woman a handkerchief. Tear filled blue eyes looked desperately into understanding dark ones. The doctor smiled and laid one hand on the shaking shoulders. She really loves her. That's good. Maybe she has the powers the other believes she lost. "Tenô-san was here. She came into my room, thanked me for my help, took her jacket and left the hospital." The doctor had been really relieved when she saw the young woman go. The whole night the old woman had different nightmares because she was sure that this step would have destroyed the other one's life forever. "She didn't want my help today. And I hope that I can help her in a complete different way when I'll see her the next time again." The doctor smiled understanding at the still crying young woman and automatically started to stroke the sea green hairs. As if the senshi of the wide ocean was her daughter. "Be strong for her." Michiru only nodded. *** Wind played with the strands of her short blonde hairs that weren't covered by her black cap. Snow flakes danced through the air like little ballet dancers. The beach was covered with snow and looked strangely white. Still the waves of the sea touched it but they couldn't free it from it's blanket anymore. Some floes swam slowly over the surface and the ocean looked as dark as the grey sky above. It doesn't look as if it would stop snowing during the next days and whole Japan was happy over a white Christmas. The first one after five long years. Two dark green eyes stared blank at the moving ocean, watched how some sea birds tried to catch their lunch between the cold waters. Haruka sat in the snow. She didn't mention the bitter cold that surrounded her. She didn't mention that her trouser became slowly wet. And she didn't mention the silver car that stopped with a high voice. As if someone stepped very hard on the brakes. Haruka's right hand was clenched in the snow while her left one rested under her black jacket. Touching her still slim belly. Wondering if that decision had been the right one. I am such a coward! Tears shimmered in her eyes and she winced badly as someone suddenly embraced her from behind. Hold her determined tight as she wanted to stand up. To escape. To run away forever. "Gomen nasai, Ruka. Please, forgive me that I didn't..." whispered Michiru with a shaky voice and sobbed quietly. Haruka smiled a sad smile and reached for those soft hands and leaded them under her jacket. Let them touch her belly. Swallowed hard as Michiru started to stroke it. "Hope you'll have time now, 'cause there's something very important I've got to tell you." She declared with a quiet voice and heard a shaky laughter. "There won't be any concerts nor tests in the next days." Answered Michiru and leaned her head against her lover's shoulder, still stroking over the slim belly. Knowing that it would arche within the next months. "I am pregnant, Michi-chan." Haruka took a deep breathe. It was the first time that she admitted it to herself. That she spoke it out aloud. That she knew that it was true. "Pregnant from that asshole..." "I know." Michiru sighed deeply. "I've been at the hospital half an hour ago." For a long time Haruka didn't respond anything. She didn't ask why Michiru suddenly knew it. She simply sat there and enjoyed the soft touches of her lover. The woman she loved more than anyone else. The woman who understood her. Who would never leave her. "I made that appointment shortly after I made a pregnancy test and it was positive." Haruka lowered her head and shook it slightly. "I had been so afraid of the AIDS test that I simply forgot that I could get pregnant. Because there's no way for two women... and I didn't think much as I didn't had my period. I was so scared of being infected by AIDS and never be able to have a future with you and Himme-chan, that I ignored the signs. Hell, I threw up my dinner every morning and felt really ill, but I thought that it was only the stress..." Again Haruka shook her head. "When I got to know about it, I only wanted to get rid of it. I really wanted to abort it. Today was the doctor's appointment for the abortion and I thought it was the best solution. For me - and for the child. Because I'll never be able to love it. Maybe it looks like him and every time I'll look at it I'll think of him and how he... how he hurt me so much. I'd hate it the rest of my life and I didn't want such a bad destiny for that poor child. It wasn't it's fault, was what I thought." Haruka swallowed and looked back at the endless sea, still feeling Michiru's warm hands on her belly. Now they slipped under her dark pullover and stroke over the soft skin under it. "Then I looked at the doctor and knew that she was right. It wasn't it's fault. Why shall I punish it for something that it's... it's producer did to me? We got a second chance from Sailor Moon and Himme-chan even a second life. Why shouldn't I give it the chance to live? There're many people out there who want badly to have their own children but aren't able to get them. There're so many loving parents in spe out there who would adopt it - and love it. With a love I can't give it." Michiru raised her head and tears were running down her cheeks. She squeezed her lover tighter. "Think about it, Ruka. You've got nine months time, sweetheart." The senshi of the wide ocean whispered and her hands rested motionless on the still slime belly. Warming. Healing. "Seven months." Corrected Haruka and sighed deeply. "Maybe I am a coward but I simply couldn't kill it." She sighed again a shaky, husky sigh. She felt how Michiru embraced her tighter. She heard those soft words in her ears and knew that they were true. "I love you, Ruka." They sat there for another long while and when they finally went back to the silver Ferrari they still hold each other's hand tight. *** "I am dreaming of a white Christmas..." Minako stood in the middle of the living room near the chimney and sung with all her passion. The other senshi sat around the already set table and listened to her or simply accompanied her. Even Makoto forgot about her dinner for a few moments and listened to the beautiful voice of the senshi of love. I could listen to her the whole evening. Not only she thought it. But they all knew that there was a delicious dinner waiting for them. And a lot of gifts. Chibiusa had wrapped her arms around Hotaru. The little girl looked with her big dark eyes at the huge Christmas tree and at the candles sparkling all over it. She didn't understand what Christmas meant but she knew very well what the coloured presents meant under the tree. A smile laid on her face and she giggled as Chibiusa whispered something in her ear. Soon the song was over and they decided for nice, silent music for the background. They all applauded and Minako bowed with a happy grin on her face. One day I'll be a great singer. And a great actor. Then I'll be a star. No one doubt it. "I am so curious about my gifts!" said Usagi as they all sat down around the table. Only Makoto and Ami ran between kitchen and living-room the carry the food to the table. The rest wanted to help them but they declared determined that two women were enough. And that they didn't want anything to waste on the nice carpet. "You are so greedy." Scolded Rei and again they showed each other their tongues. "Girls! Please!" Mamoru rolled his eyes but returned the knowing smile of Michiru. The young woman reached for her lover's icy hands under the table and they both exchanged short glances. Then Michiru stood up, took Hotaru in her arms said something of a surprise and left with the two children the living-room. "I am not greedy! After all it's enough food for all of us." Replied Usagi and showed at the first bowls that stood on the table. "It would be enough for us. But I am not sure if it's enough for you!" The young priest showed again her tongue and both rose and haunted around the table. Being scolded by Makoto who tried to get the rest of the food on the table. The roast was still missing and one bowl with rice Ami balanced concentrated in her hands. Haruka took a deep breathe. Now or never. "I... I've got to tell you something." Said the senshi of the wind but wasn't heard because of the shouting of the girls. "I..." she took another deep breathe and was thankful as Mamoru rose from his chair and said with a determined voice that they all should be quiet now. He had seen something in Haruka's eyes that made him shiver. That made him know that she wanted to tell them something really important. Usagi made a face as if she would start to cry in the next moment and Ami frowned as she balanced the hot bowl. "You're my best friends." Haruka started and swallowed hard. Suddenly she wasn't able to look in several loving pairs of sparkling eyes any longer. She grabbed her knife and played thoughtless with it. "No, you’re not only my friends. You're the Sailor Team, my family and you should know it. Well, you'll know it in some months and it's simply fair to tell you before you ask stupid questions." Haruka took another deep breathe and looked finally up again. She looked directly into blue shinning eyes and the senshi of love smiled friendly at her. "I am pregnant." Now it was out. The reaction was like a bomb exploding in the living-room. There was impenetrable silence and all stared at the young woman in disbelieve. Shall I congratulate her? Mamoru frowned as he looked at the young car racer. But Haruka didn't look like a happy becoming mother. And where was Michiru? Why looked the senshi of the wind so sad? So depressed? The silence ended abrupt as the bowl escaped Ami's trembling hands. It cracked as it hit the ground and hot rice covered the white carpet in front of her feet. The senshi of the water remembered too well the sadness that seemed to surround the taller woman during the past weeks. She heard the shaky voice again in her head, saw the young car racer again sitting alone at the black piano. No. It can't be true. But the genius knew that it was. "The date of birth is on July the 10th." Whispered Haruka and swallowed hard. She lowered her head so that she didn't has to look into worried dark eyes any longer. Setsuna frowned and ask herself why she didn't mention it. "How...?" asked Rei surprised and several pairs of surprised eyes looked at Usagi who only shook her head. "I didn't misuse my powers. Hai, I am Sailor Moon and I am the future Queen of Crystal Tokyo, but I don't think that I am that powerful." She shrugged her shoulders and Makoto silently helped Ami to tidy up the messed rice. "Well, then, my congratulations to you and Michiru." Mamoru came over to her and shook a icy hand. A trembling hand. "Do you already know what it will be? Will Hotaru has a baby brother or a baby sister?" Minako started to smile and Rei laughed as she heard Makoto's teasing words. "Where's the list for the future aunts to sign in for the baby-sitting?" "July? That are seven months now. You're still slim. But soon one will see it." Declared Ami and swallowed hard. "I read in a book that..." "You always read things in a book." Makoto rolled her eyes. "Hai, our living library. A real competition for you, Setsuna. So if you ever have a question just ask Ami." "Rei!" “May I sing a song for it when it’s going to sleep?” “Just let her be born first, Mina-chan!” “Hai, and we want it to fall asleep not to start terrified to scream because of your singing.” “My voice is nice. You’ll regret this!” “But I read in a book...” “Ami!” Suddenly they teased themselves around as ever and Haruka was relieved about their reaction. She had await worse. No one asked who the father was. They simply accepted that the child she was caring was also Michiru's child. The young car racer smiled slightly and looked over to Michiru who stepped back into the room. She was alone. The kids were still at the child's room. Playing with a card play the young violinist gave them some minutes ago. But they didn't count on Usagi's stupidity. "How could this happen?" asked the future Queen of Crystal Tokyo and the arguments died away at the next moment. They all stared at everything but the young woman who was very pale with a sudden. "I didn't misuse my powers and I am good enough in biology to know that it's impossible for two woman to have their own child on the natural way." Usagi looked innocently asking at Haruka. That look almost drove her crazy. She swallowed hard and felt how she blushed. Deeply blushed. Hard she fought against her tears and finally won the battle. She didn't know for how long. "How could you do it? I mean becoming pregnant?" Usagi frowned but she ignored the warning looks of her boyfriend. Maybe she didn't see them. Maybe she didn't even realize how stupid her own questions were. How superfluous. They all wanted to be happy about the new life that would be born in the next summer. To be happy with the becoming parents. They all knew that it wasn't their task to ask after the how and the why. They all knew that it was a great honour that they got to know about it before it was obviously. That the two outer senshi trusted them so much that they told them - at Christmas Eve. That they really wanted them to be the aunts of the new member of their great, lively family. But Usagi didn't think that much. Maybe her words weren't meant the way she asked so silly. Maybe she was simply too surprised. And a little bit curious. And Haruka didn't think about it, too. That she knew the always crying girl for a long time now. Almost three years. That she knew that it was Usagi's style to ask such stupid questions. That she didn't want to hurt her by asking them. That she only wanted to be happy with her friends. "How..." Haruka rose from her chair and interrupted another stupid question of her future Queen. Tears sparkled in her eyes as she yelled at Usagi. "I slept with a man, you baka! What did you think?!" She took a deep breathe, then she turned away and went into the kitchen. Slowly she went to her knees and opened the oven. The roast smelled delicious but she wasn't hungry any more. Nor did she know if she would eat anything when she had to throw it all up again the next morning. "But..." Now Usagi looked very confused and started frightened to cry. Mamoru took her into his strong arms and they all looked quietly at Michiru who only nodded. All bowed their heads as they understood the unspoken words. Michiru moved first. She went over to the kitchen and kneeled behind her girlfriend and embraced her trembling body. She didn't say anything. She didn't need to. Haruka understood her without many words. She simply leaned herself against her lover and winced slightly as Michiru touched gently her still slim belly. Someone put on the CD player and soft Christmas music evolved from the living room. Dishes jingled and someone scolded another one softly by tumbling over a glass. A filled glass. Filled with apple juice. Suddenly action returned into the inner senshi and Ami ran into the kitchen, fetched cursing a towel and disappeared back into the living room. They heard how Usagi stopped to cry and how Rei enflamed some candles at the table with her powers. Usagi screamed as Rei tried to burn her, too, with another really tiny fireball. “Hey, that’s my task.” Makoto came over to the still kneeling outer senshi and kneeled down next to them. So all the three of them looked into the oven. At the brown roast. “It smells delicious.” Whispered Haruka after a long while but didn’t look up. “You did a good work, Mako-chan.” Agreed Michiru and smiled into an understanding face. “Arigato.” Makoto took the roast out of the oven and at the huge kitchen table. Then she turned again to the two outer senshi. Her long brown plaid fell on her right shoulder as she bowed over them so that she could look directly into two pale faces. “Congratulations, you two. Whatever happened, it’s your child.” She giggled a little bit and blinked at them. “Hope it’s strong enough to survive us aunts.” She pointed over to the living-room where a wild priest was haunting a screaming Usagi. Then Makoto reached for two icy hands and tried to help the outer senshi up. “Today’s Christmas. The festival of love. We should celebrate it and be happy about the things we have and stop to moan about the things we don’t. After all we have Mina-chan to party. This is a happy evening and we should enjoy it. Arigato, you two, that we are allowed to celebrate it here – with you.” Haruka and Michiru smiled back at her and nodded. They knew how much this Christmas meant for Makoto. Her parents died some years ago and she had been very lonely before she got to know the Sailor Team. She enjoyed every minute she could spend with them. Slowly they entered the living-room again and although Haruka felt like she had to cry she burst out into laughter. Rei laid near the Christmas tree. Some silver sparkling balls covered her dark hairs and she hold a burning candle in each hand. Angry she stared up at Usagi who stumbled over a gift and laid next to her. She was covered with a blanket she seized on. Minako stood between them, a spoon in her hand, and commented what happened. Only Mamoru rolled his eyes, but he had to smile, too. Especially as he heard the low laughter he had to admit he missed during the past weeks. “The judges aren’t sure yet who won the race. But they surely will get great notes. We’re still waiting for a judgement. Maybe 5.9? Or even 6.0? Who will win it? Both jumps were graceful and full of movement. Will Usako win who stumbled with so much passion over a gift? Or Rei who fell almost in slow motion over the laying girl? How she reached for the candles and then the balls landing on her black hairs – that was genial!” Minako giggled wild as she heard several mumbles from the fallen senshi underneath. It sounded like >Kill you!< and >Free me!<. Ami had put her book aside and climbed at one chair and rose a sign pointing a 6.0. “Amazing! That’s the first time after five years that we see a 6.0!” explained Minako exited then they all burst out into laughter. Michiru gently touched her lover’s hands and was happy to see her not so sad anymore. For the first time after over two months now. After they finished their comments, Minako and Ami helped the other senshi up. “Okay, Ami, you’ll fetch the girls, I’ll fetch the roast. And the rest sit down, again.” Makoto observed shortly the set table and pulled away the now wet towel. It smelled of apple juice. “Haruka?” Light blue eyes looked guilty up into dark green ones. “I...” Usagi looked as if she would start to cry again and she plucked at her white dress she was wearing today. Because it was Christmas. “I didn’t want to hurt you. Sometimes I am such a baka and...” She shrugged her shoulders and a relieved smile appeared on her face as Haruka slightly shook her head. “It’s okay, Usako. I wasn’t that nice, too.” Before she could react the future Queen of Crystal Tokyo had embraced her. Then Usagi turned around and pointed at the gifts. “The big one’s for me. I already read the sign on it.” She declared and Haruka had to giggle as she saw light blue eyes sparkling. It’s amazing how she kept so innocent through those rough times with Mistress 9. How she could save our world, how she could rescue Himme-chan without ever losing her faith in the people around her. Sometimes Haruka envied her – even for her stupidy. Maybe that’s why she’s our future Queen. Because she never gave up. Always she fought for the people she loves. She cares about a lot. The senshi of the wind sat down next to her lover and looked into the flame of a candle. Maybe I should think of her each time I am down. To see how she survived all those terrible times knowing that there’s still some hope, as long as there’s still some will to fight. “Love you.” Whispered Michiru and gave her a short but loving kiss and of course Usagi wanted a kiss from her Mamoru who blushed deeply. And of course Makoto returned from kitchen with a delicious smelling, huge roast in her hands. And of course Ami entered the living-room with two exited children. Looking curiously at the tree asking when it was the right time to get their presents. Makoto is right. Haruka watched how they all talked happily at the table about different things. How they all laughed, ate and looked more than once at the still wrapped gifts. Hotaru climbed on her daddy’s lap and enjoyed it to be fed by her. I should be happy for the things I have. Not moaning over the things I don’t. I can’t change. *** It was late at night. A special night. Christmas night. It was four o’clock and they celebrated very long. After midnight the two children slept deep and tight on the soft couch. Chibiusa had wrapped her arms around Hotaru and Usagi smiled like a loving mother down at them as she covered their small bodies with a warm blanket. They talked the whole evening while they unwrapped curiously their own presents. Usagi almost screamed of joy when she saw the nice ring her Mamoru gave her. It was golden with a sparkling jewel. It shimmered in all colours of the rainbow in the dimmed candlelight. Ami got a big dictionary and for the rest of the evening she didn’t mention anything else then the lines in the book. She only put it away and thanked the outer senshi of the soft scarf Michiru had knotted for her. It was a light blue with fishes all over it. And she laughed over Minako who gave her a pink unicorn who could really neigh. “For my genius. You’re always so serious.” Declared the senshi of love while Ami let the tiny horse gallop over the carpet they were sitting at. In front of the chimney. Feeling the warm flames next to them. Rei made special talismans for them and was very happy about the t-shirt Makoto gave her. It was black with a huge fireball in the middle. In fire letters was written above: Stop me and I’ll burn you. Rei laughed until she had to cry and of course she wore it the whole evening. With pride. It was such a nice evening. Haruka yawned and sat down on her bed. The rest of the senshi slept downstairs in the guest room. Only Chibiusa insisted to sleep with her Hotaru in the child’s room. Now it was silent again at the light house by the sea. The candles were switched off but you could still smell the roast. The smoke of the flames. Time by time you could hear how a senshi sneaked over the corridor. To the kitchen to drink something. Or to the toilette. Or simply to the living-room again to look again at her present. And to know that they would celebrate a nice Sylvester in about one week. With her friends, too. “They’re very good friends.” Said Michiru and changed into her night dress. Haruka already wore her pyjama and sat on her bed, watching at the moon shinning through the window. The world was white outside and the feeling of Christmas could calm her nerves down. She felt as if she was a little child again. Five years. When her parents still loved her. Before they left her. When she had been happy. That was such a long time before I met my Michi-chan. “Hai...” “Guess that was the last festival you got normal presents. Guess they’ll give you other things to the next celebration like your birthday.” “Then I am 21 and I am able to become president.” Haruka felt how Michiru climbed on the bed and embraced her from behind. Something crackled and she asked if Michiru really wanted to take her new evening dress with her into the bed as she threaded laughing about three hours ago. “My little president.” Teased Michiru and the senshi of the wind felt soft kisses that covered her neck. She shivered and hold a tiny gift the next moment in her hands. “I didn’t want to give it to you under the tree. It’s a little bit personal.” Whispered Michiru and automatically hold her girlfriend tighter as Haruka unwrapped it. Her hands trembled suddenly and she stared in disbelieve at the tiny baby pyjama. It was dark blue with moons and stars sparkling all over it. Haruka swallowed hard and slightly shook her head. She felt how Michiru pulled her closer to herself. She knew what that cloths in her hands meant. She knew the promise her lover gave her with it. Haruka took a shaky breathe and didn’t know how to react. Didn’t know what to say as she heard the tender voice whispering behind her. “What ever will happen, Ruka, I’ll be there.”
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