Pieces of a normal life Cold wind played with the white curtains as she packed the few things her girlfriend brought for her during the past days: Books, her walkman and her teddy bear. And fresh clothes. Her hands froze in motion and dark green eyes stared for a long time at the blue jeans that still laid on her bed. The cloth was washed now. Nothing remembered of the blood that had covered it. Only some, only a few days ago... Haruka sighed oppressed as she threw it into the dustbin. She was sure that she would never be able to wear it again. *** It was still cloudy outside and fresh wind moved the naked branches of the grey trees around them. The grass was frozen and cracked when they walked above it. But the sun finally found a hole in the thick blanket of dark clouds and it's light shone peacefully at the sleeping earth underneath. It brought a little bit warmth with it. It's rays touched three smiling faces, was reflected in three pairs of sparkling eyes. It brought a little bit warmth with it. And a little bit of hope. "I wanna walk onma own!" demanded a high child's voice and two lower voices laughed as a small girl ran with uncertain steps over the wide meadow. Winter birds flew through the air, dark spots against a grey sky. They screamed loudly in the peaceful silence. Nothing was heard but the rushes of the near sea and time by time the engine of a car driving away from the park of Tokyo city. The green oasis as the people called it - in summer. "Be careful, princess." Two strong hands hold the tiny arms of the small girl who squeaked for joy. A happy smile laid on her face and only if you looked closer you could see pale scars on the now redden cheeks. She wore thick trousers and a dark blue jacket. A white cap covered her dark hairs and her almost black eyes looked loving up at her parents. "Aim strong!" declared the little girl and grabbed faithfully the reaching hands. "Hai, you are, my princess." Declared Haruka and gave her daughter a kiss on the forehead. Then she let her go and Hotaru run again some steps. Very proud about herself. You're strong. And you grow stronger. With every smile. With every laugh. With every day you enjoy your life on this earth. Haruka watched her daughter walk and was near her for the case that the little girl would loose her balance. To hold her for the case that Hotaru would fall. I am happy for you, princess. But at the same time I envy your innocence... "She's a wild tomboy." Laughed Michiru and stepped at the other side of her daughter. So that four arms would hold her. Her whole life. Every time Hotaru would need them, her parents would be there. There was nothing to be afraid of. "Just like her mother." Haruka didn't respond anything. She simply watched her daughter and knew that her lover smiled at them both. I am not wild anymore. "I still feel guilty." Said the young violinist after a while they supported Hotaru and stroke some strands of her long sea green hairs behind her ears. "You left the hospital just yesterday. I can't go on tour tomorrow! The whole house's a mess I didn't even tidy up the kitchen!" Michiru sighed deeply and her long white robe wiped as she followed the still running Hotaru. "Don't worry, Michi-chan. I can tidy up the house." Dark green eyes looked for some moments directly into deep blue ones. She didn't have to time to tidy anything up. Because she was almost the whole time in hospital. During the past days she was there to cheer up Himme-chan and to be there for me. Haruka told her about the battle. About what happened at that day almost one week ago. About almost everything. "That's what makes me worry even more." Laughed Michiru but her expression was still very serious. "Hey, hey!" Haruka tried to look angry at her but the sparkling in her deep green eyes betrayed her. "I am not so untidy as you may think. Well... guess, you're right." She left for some seconds the side of her daughter and embraced the smaller senshi softly from behind. Now they were looking at running Hotaru, Haruka's right cheek softly touched Michiru's left one. "The beneficial concerts are very important, Michi-chan. I also would like to go out with you the next two weeks, go to the cinema or simply to the park like we do right now. Hey, I'd do anything but tidy up our house. But look at Himme-chan. She's very lucky. Because with Sailor Moon's help she got a new life. A life where she's not ill and not weak. Where she's wild and free. But many children aren't Michi-chan. Maybe your concerts are only a drop on the hot stone, but if you can help only one of those children to become healthy and strong again, it's worth it." Haruka's voice got shakier and she bit on her lower lip. Then she squeezed her lover tighter. I need you more than I ever had. The senshi of the wind closed her eyes and felt how soft hands were wrapped around her own icy ones. But those children need you, too. "After all I've got Hotaru to tidy up the house, too." Said Haruka after a long while they both listened to the happy laughter of their daughter, to the rushes of the leaves around and to the screaming of the winter birds above. Now the young racer's voice was strong again. And cheeky. "You convinced me, Ruka." Michiru giggled as Hotaru discovered a black bird on the sky and tried to follow it. Her steps were still unsure and it looked very funny when the two year old girl ran. "Although I still have the feeling that I should buy a new house when I'll return. With you two as housewives..." She giggled as Haruka took a deep breathe. "I won't wear an apron! Forget it! And I won't cook a welcome dinner for you when you're returning home. As long as you don't want to be poisoned!" Michiru giggled even more and turned around to give her lover a tender kiss. It lasted for a very long time and Haruka automatically squeezed her Michiru harder as if she never wanted her to let go. How shall I overcome the next terrible weeks? The past nights in hospital were hell and she wondered if she would ever find sleep again in her life. Real sleep. Without nightmares waking her up in the middle of the night. "I'll be back in two weeks, I promise." Said Michiru after they parted partly with a very serious expression on her face. She wanted to say something more as they heard the friendly voices next to the wide meadow. "Look, darling. That's a nice little girl. She's so cute!" An old woman grabbed her husband's arm and pointed over to Hotaru who still tried to catch the raven that was several meters above. Her shoulder long hairs were messed and she stretched her arms to the clouds. "Konnichi wa! How's her name?" asked the old woman and smiled friendly at the couple. Haruka let go of Michiru and smiled back. "Konnichi wa. Her name's Hotaru." Answered Michiru and bowed slightly. The old man winked at the little girl and Hotaru stopped in her haunting. Surprised she looked at the huge man who was almost as huge as her daddy. He smiled friendly and Hotaru looked at him with her big dark eyes. "Hotaru. That means little glow-worm." The old lady watched how Haruka came over and took her still surprised daughter in her strong arms. "You must be very proud parents." "We are." Michiru looked at her lover and her daughter and nodded. Then the old couple said goodbye and turned away to take another way for their journey through the park. Hai, we are. Haruka gave her daughter a loving kiss on the redden cheeks and Hotaru laughed high. She spread her arms and laughed even more as the senshi of the wind rose her into the air. "And now we see our great pilot Hotaru flying through the air!" said Haruka loudly and Hotaru squeaked loudly as her daddy swirled around with her. Her dark eyes were full of happiness. "Mo, daddy!" she demanded but Haruka simply took her into her arms and squeezed her lovingly. Hai, I am very proud of her. Haruka smiled sadly at the future senshi of death, then she danced again with the little girl around the meadow. The high laughter filled the air, the whole park. Michiru watched them and again she felt that they were a real family. One day after they adopted Hotaru from the recent Dr. Tomoe she got that feeling for the first time. And she enjoyed it. Her parents died when she was young and Haruka and Hotaru were the first people she loved so unconditionally. Only two weeks, then I'll be here again. Normally Michiru took them with her on tour, but Haruka had some more races to do to finish - and certainly to win - this year's Grand Prix of Japan. And even if the battle had been some days ago and Hotaru was wild and energetically again they both decided that it was better for her to rest in Tokyo. I hate it to leave them behind. But Haruka knew that Michiru would never ever hide in her own world, leaving her family behind. "Look, mommy. I fly!" screamed Hotaru and clapped in her hands. The sun shone from heaven through a tiny hole between the heavy clouds and it's rays surrounded the tiny body Haruka hold tight in her strong arms. Happy dark eyes meet loving green ones. Haruka swallowed hard before she put the little girl on the grass again, took Michiru's right hand and left together with her family the meadow. Still looking at her daughter She's worth every pain. *** The bend came nearer and nearer. Haruka knew that she was too fast for it. That she would crash into the white wall near the road. That she wouldn't survive the accident. That she would die. That my nightmares are over - at last. At that moment she saw the familiar faces between yelling fans. That I would leave them behind... The bend came and automatically Haruka slowed her car down and passed it living. Passed the finish line as the winner - with tears burning in her eyes. *** "You're lucky that it doesn't rain." Sceptically Ami looked up at the grey sky and counted the umbrella Mamoru was wearing. They all declared that it wouldn't rain. Even the meteorologist declared that it would become a cloudy, cool but nice day. But Ami didn't believe them. "Hai, because I've ordered such a nice weather." A girl with two blonde plaits passed her and looked curiously around. "You're such a baka. When you ordered the weather, why didn't you chose sunshine? And a hot temperature. Then we could go to the sea swimming!" declared Rei and Minako giggled as the two were running down the parking space. Hunting each other. Long blonde and black hairs swirled in the wind and Usagi's screams could be heard over the whole place. "I wonder where they are." Mamoru frowned and put the umbrellas down to take a look at his watch. It was ten minutes past three in the afternoon. They wanted to meet at three and normally the person they were waiting for was even earlier than they. "I guess she thought that we wouldn't come before half past three. Because Usako can be very lazy and very slow when she tries to make her hairs." Declared a tall girl with long brown hairs next to him. She hold a big basket in her arms and hoped that the other would like the picnic she prepared at home. Mamoru who still watched his girlfriend being haunted by the young priest giggled as he heard Makoto's words. But he was wise enough to respond nothing. Usagi often heard the words she shouldn't hear and didn't hear the words that were important for her. She was sometimes really clumsy but the tall man loved the girl very much. Not only because he knew that she would be his future Queen. He loved her for the person she was: Understanding, loving, caring, concerned about the ones she loved. Always helpful. She would never turn her back to a friend and they all knew that she would fight for them. That she would walk through hell as long as there was still a ray of hope. That's why she was able to rescue Hotaru. And to give Haruka and Michiru a second chance after the appearance of the talismans. Maybe Usagi was sometimes clumsy, maybe she cried a lot and maybe she could behave childish, she was the best friend they all could imagine. "Hope they didn't have an accident." Ami's voice was really concerned as she stepped next to Mamoru. Her blue eyes watched the street next to the parking space concentrated behind her glasses. Wind played with the strands of her shoulder long blue hair but she didn't even mentioned it. "Haruka and an accident? She's a formula one racer." Laughed Makoto and went over to free Usagi from a raging Rei. Often they had their tiny battles and they both seemed to enjoy it, but Makoto didn't want to be ashamed for them - especially when they dirtied their clothes and looked like two little children. Although they would pay less when they would be little children. Makoto smiled, then she stepped determined between the still arguing girls. "Stop it, now!" was all she had to say to see in two guilty shinning pairs of eyes. "I've already seen a horse! There, next to the entrance!" A high voice interrupted the sudden silence of the parking space and a girl of maybe ten years run over the asphalt. High trees surrounded the parking space and two plaids of pink hairs looked strange in all the grey the cold world offered them. It was November now and it would be another long way until nature would green again. But the sunshine didn't disappear so easily. At last not very easy when the girl smiled happily at her future daddy. "And two pigs grunted over there and..." exited Chibiusa told Mamoru what she had already seen. The tall man went on his knees to order the scarf that protected her neck and to close the bottoms of her white jacket. It was almost the same style her future mother wore. "I am very curious if the pigs look like Usako." Declared Chibiusa and showed the future Queen of Crystal Tokyo her tongue. Usagi blushed and took an angry breathe. "You...!" Four inner senshi looked tortured at the grey sky and waited for another argument to broke out. But instead of loud, angry words they heard the breaks of a car. They all turned their heads and saw how a the senshi of the wind climbed out of the car. She bowed to help her daughter out of the child's seat. Hotaru laughed happily as she saw her aunts and her uncle and tried to run over to Chibiusa. But Haruka hold her back and corrected her white cap. She didn't want her daughter to become ill. "Now you're ready." She declared with a silent voice and observed how the future senshi of death run over to her best friend. Chibiusa forgot about her argument with Usagi and took the little girl in her arms and swirled around with her. Hotaru laughed and dark eyes looked trustfully into loving pink ones. "Gomen, I am too late, but I simply couldn't find the key." Declared Haruka as she rose from her kneeling position and locked the silver Ferrari. Then she slowly came over to the rest of the Sailor Team. "Hotaru had hide it and thought it was very funny to see me searching for it." She smiled a tired smile and Ami automatically frowned. She had never seen the strongest of all senshi ever weak. Not even during the final fight against Mistress 9. Guess she's simply missing her Michiru. But at the same time the senshi of water was unsure. Michiru went more than once on tour and Haruka had never been as pale as she was today. Maybe she's getting a flu? She's always so careless. Ami looked at the open dark jacket of the young car racer and saw that Haruka wore a black jeans and a black pullover. And she asked herself when the senshi of wind changed her fashion. Normally she liked bright colours. Yellow was her favourite colour. Now she could be overseen in the grey nature that surrounded her. "Where's Setsuna? She didn't answer the phone." Haruka searched in her jacket for money and was glad that she didn't forget it on the table. As I forgot a lot during the past weeks. Michiru was on tour for ten days now. Only four more days and she would return. But Haruka wasn't sure if she should be happy or scared about it. Because when she was alone she could live with her ghosts. With her personal fears. The others didn't see them because she didn't let them mentioned that she wasn't feeling fine. That she didn't get enough sleep. That she spend most of the night kneeling at the ground of her shower. But Michiru would mention it. Sooner than later. She knows me too well. "She's still at work. She wants to follow when she's allowed to go at five. " answered Mamoru and took all the umbrellas again in his hand. As Haruka frowned he only shook his head and pointed over to Ami. Slightly the senshi of wind replied her future King's smile. "Then let's go into the zoo!!!" screamed Chibiusa and run back to the entrance. She had to run very slowly because Hotaru's legs were shorter than her ones but Chibiusa would have preferred to crawl than to let go of the warm hand that laid trustfully in her own one. "Zoo?" The future senshi of death laid her head into her neck and looked up at the table near the entrance. It showed different animals between green trees. "Mongy." She laughed and pointed at the brown animal. Chibiusa only smiled. She didn't corrected her best friend that the animal was called monkey. The future senshi was still too small to pronounce it the right way. "And it's not very expensive." Said Ami after she studied the prices. She corrected her glasses and looked up as Haruka bowed to pick up some coins. "It's almost winter. Most of the animals do their winter sleep and it's simply too cold for most of the people." Answered Makoto and thanked Rei who helped her with the heavy basket. "Do you want to feed an whole army?" asked the young priest and giggled as they exchanged glances. "Hai, you're right. Usako is indeed an army when she eats." Again she giggled as she saw the blondes angry look that suddenly changed into sadness as the senshi of the moon looked into her money bag. The she blushed. "Gomen, Mamo-chan, but..." she declared but was interrupted by Rei who rolled her eyes. "Don't tell me that you spend your whole pocket money for that manga yesterday." "Hai..." Usagi's eyes watered and everyone knew that she would cry within the next minutes. "But it was such a good manga and I..." Now she started to cry and Mamoru gave her a handkerchief. "Don't worry, Usagi. I'll pay." Said Haruka without looking up from the money in her trembling hands. "Be my guests." A tomboy smile appeared on her pale face as she went to the counter and talked friendly to the young woman standing behind a dirty window. “You’re my best friend.” Declared Usagi and embraced the tall woman from behind. She frowned, but only for a second, as Haruka winced away quickly. “You told me I was your best friend when I bought you yesterday an ice cream.” Complained Rei and another argument started. Haruka freed herself from Usagi’s arms and gave the service girl the money. She smiled as she handled the young car racer the entrance cards and two caps for the children and wished them a nice day. "What the..." Mamoru looked at the caps in Haruka's hands and burst out into wild laughter. The caps were grey with two big elephant ears on each side. The two girls wore it with pride. And after they talked friendly to the service girl again, Usako got such a nice cap, too. Her one with blue with a long fish tail that looked like a third plaid. "You look so silly!" Rei showed Usagi her tongue. "You're only jealous!" The girl showed the priest her tongue back. Then they entered the zoo and exited they saw all the animals that weren't in winter sleep now. Monkeys screamed and Makoto laughed loudly as she gave them some of the bananas she carried on her great basket. Usagi, who was already hungry, got a banana, too and shared it with Rei, who jumped around her, waving her arms and behaving like a crazy monkey. Chibiusa was very exited when she was allowed to stroke a pony and Hotaru hold up bravely a piece of sugar the little horse ate with passion. Mamoru liked the flamingos and Ami loved it to watch the fishes in the huge aquarium. It looks like the sea... Haruka stood in front of it her thoughts drifted away with the silent, beautiful animals. What is Michi-chan doing right now? She sighed deeply and felt a warm hand placed on her right shoulder. As she looked up she saw in two understanding blue eyes. "We all miss her. But the concerts are over in four days and Hotaru enjoys this visit to the zoo." Declared Ami seriously and smiled up at the senshi of the wind. Haruka only nodded back. Unable to smile. Unable to move. After some more minutes they went over to see the tigers and the lions. Usagi was very exited and screamed as one tiger roared loudly and the rest of the senshi burst out into laughter. So the hours flew by and suddenly it was dawn. And time for dinner. "And I thought I'd have to carry it for the rest of my life." Groaned Rei while they looked at a big sign that stood in the middle of the zoo and showed them where to go best to eat the delicious meal Makoto had prepared for all of them. Especially Usagi, who declared an hour ago that she was hungry, pointed exited at different houses and pavilions that were very good in the summer and maybe the same good when Rei heated them up with her fire. “And I can’t wait to eat your chicken.” Declared Usagi and smiled greedy more at the basket than at Makoto. She didn’t see the shadows coming from behind. Nor did the others. “How could you guess that it’s chicken?” wanted Rei to ask and her dark eyes sparkled, because she loved chicken, too. With a good bread and a lot of cheese. “Because I can smell it.” Answered Usagi and Chibiusa left for the first time Hotaru’s side to risk a look into the bask. “Yap.” She commented. “It’s chicken. I hope it’s enough for all of us when Usagi likes it that much.” Chibiusa looked innocently up at Makoto and the other senshi burst out into laughter. Only Haruka watched them in silence. But a thin smile appeared on her face as she saw how Usagi tried to catch a laughing Rei who joked about her. I am very glad that they are my friends. Haruka sighed deeply and leaned herself against the big sign. I am very glad that they don’t know about it. “Hey, you beauties! What are you doing so lonely at this late hour?” asked suddenly a deep voice loudly and two shadows stepped out of the dark. They were two man at the thirty and they reeled slightly. Haruka’s mouth was nothing more than a line as she recognized that they both were drunken. Determined they walked over to Ami and a book fell down on the ground as one of the men grabbed her rudely. “Leave her in peace!” whispered Haruka and left her place. Protectively she stepped before Hotaru and clenched her fists. “Just leave us alone!” She wanted to them to go. To beat them down. To free Ami. To kick them until they felt the pain she got to know too well during the past weeks. But she couldn’t. For the first time in her whole life she couldn’t move. She just stood there, like a protecting wall between the rude men and her daughter. Maybe she wasn’t able to defend the others anymore. And certainly she wasn’t able to defend herself anymore. But surely she was still able to defend Hotaru. Even if they have to kill me! Haruka swallowed hard and watched how Usagi took her Chibiusa in her arms and Mamoru walked determined over to the two men. Rei and Makoto followed her. They don’t have to kill me. Some other already did it... The senshi of the wind watched how Rei and Makoto freed Ami and how Mamoru stepped protectively between the rude men and the girls. “Didn’t you hear what that lady said?” asked Mamoru in a dangerous quiet voice and Haruka knew with a sudden why he was going to be the future King of Crystal Tokyo. Why Usagi loved him so much and why Chibiusa adored him. And why we all trust him. Even if it would cost our lives. “Lady? That’s a lady? I thought it’s a man!” laughed one of the man rude and pointed at Haruka. The senshi of the wind didn’t react. She only glanced back at him, feeling Hotaru who grabbed her right leg and hold it tight. Her big dark eyes were full of fear and tears. “Go! Immediately!” Mamoru clenched his fists and showed them to the men to make sure that it wasn’t an empty threat. Makoto and Rei stepped next to him. Ready to throw not only roses, but also lightening and fire at them. The men looked at each other, then they heard another voice from the darkness of the evening: “Do what he told you or you’ll regret it!” Silently the men decided that it was better to go. They opened another beer bottle, drank a bit gulp and waved at the girls. “Bye, you sweetheart.” One man winked at Haruka but kept silent when he saw Mamoru’s warning look. The young man looked really frightening and suddenly the rude man didn’t want to know how much his fists could hurt. So they turned around and left the zoo. Ami took a relieved breathe and Mamoru went over to embrace his future wife and his future daughter. “Everything’s okay.” He declared to them. “Looks as if I came right in time.” Said Setsuna and stepped out of the shadow. She frowned as she saw how a very pale Haruka took her daughter in her arms and rocked her gently. But the senshi of wind couldn’t define who comforted whom. It’s the first time that she didn’t shout at guys like them. That she didn’t beat them down. That the rest of the Sailor Team doesn’t has to hinder her to kill an enemy. “Everything alright?” asked the oldest of the senshi and stepped closer to Haruka. But she couldn’t see into her eyes because the young car racer turned away from her and went over to the sign again. “Hai.” Nothing’s alright. But she can’t change time, although she’s it’s senshi. “What about the chicken, Usako?” she asked and ignored the nausea increasing in her belly. The memories were too fresh. She couldn’t simply put them away. “I thought you were hungry?” Her voice was teasing, but her whole body trembled. Hotaru grabbed her neck and looked with still big eyes at her papa. A thin smile appeared on her now pale face as Haruka lowered her head and whispered something nice in her ears. Kissed her cheeks softly. Embraced her tighter. At the moment nothing’s alright. But time heals all wounds. I just have to be patient and maybe one day I’ll be strong enough again to beat them down. To dispel them. “Hai.” Usagi blushed as Rei took a deep breathe. But soon they all forgot about the rude men and looked for a nice place to make their dinner. They all laughed, ate and talked for a very long time. It was a wonderful evening and Chibiusa played with lucky shinning pink eyes with her best friend Hotaru. They were very exited about the festival that would take part in some weeks at Chibiusa’s school. And they talked about a new boy group the girls liked very much and Mamoru didn’t even know. So they declared him every single detail about the three cute boys. Of course Usagi declared that she only loved her Mamo-chan but the rest of the team laughed when she declared that she liked the songs very much. And the dancing of the boys, of course. None of them mentioned that Haruka didn’t eat anything at all. And none of them mentioned that she kept silent. *** She stood in silence. In darkness. The moon shone through the open window and glass sparkled in it’s dimmed light. Haruka watched the framed picture in her trembling hands. It showed her how she embraced her lover from behind. Michiru was holding a laughing baby in her arms – little Hotaru when she had been only half a year old. We look like real family. Haruka sighed deeply. Wind played with her messed blonde hairs, with her sweaty pyjama. It made her shiver but she couldn’t move to close the window. I laugh so happily. The young car racer stared blind at the picture, looking through it, glancing into nothing. Will I ever be that happy again? It cracked as glass hit the ground and smashed. *** Soft music filled the air, surrounded the audience and let the musician almost float over the wide stage. She wore a long, narrow evening dress. It sparkled blue in the stage’s lights. Her long sea green hairs covered her back. Soft wind played with some strands but she didn’t even mentioned it. A smile laid on her beautiful face. Her eyes were closed. She danced over the wide stage, barefoot. All she mentioned was the violin on her shoulder and the music that evolved from the bow touching the strings. It was a soft, sensitive song. Michiru got the honour to finish the beneficial concert with a last song and she decided for a love song she once wrote for her Ruka. When Dr. Tomoe died and Haruka declared her that she wanted to adopt Himme-chan. Of course the senshi of the wind never declared that she hated the small girl. Nor did she ever say that she didn’t want to have children. But Michiru had been surprised as Haruka said openly that she loved their little princess and that she wanted the young violinist and her to be her parents – forever. Hai, she’s the best daddy I can imagine. Michiru smiled and remembered a black haired girl running down the light corridors of the house by the sea. Waking them up early at Sunday morning. Creeping under the warm blankets and laying down between her parents to sleep for another hour. Knowing that she was loved. That she was safe and secure. That she had a place she could return – every time. Whatever happened. Hai, Hotaru’s the best child I can imagine. Michiru smile grew wider. And I am the proudest mother one can imagine. “NO!” She heard the scream. It wasn’t very loud and for some seconds she thought she had imagined it. But there it was again. This time a little bit louder. A little bit more intensive. A little bit more real. Michiru turned her head and opened her eyes. And gasped. She didn’t stay on her stage anymore. Now she stood at a dirty street. Rough wind played with her evening dress and she started to shiver. The air smelled of rain and of steam. Dirty and used. “NO!” She saw her Ruka down the street. It seemed as if she was fighting against someone Michiru couldn’t see. Is that a new vision? Michiru frowned and wondered if another enemy was near. She had those visions quite often when they still searched for the talismans and thought that they had to kill the messiah of silence. Lucky that Sailor Moon changed most of my visions. “No...” Now the scream died away and Michiru could see how her Ruka was attacked by several shadows. Then the vision was gone and she stood on her stage again, just finishing the last note of her last song. Confused she stared into the applauding audience. For several times she blinked and thanked to the guy who brought her flowers. Her and the other artists who had given the beneficial concert with her. There had been ten concerts over two weeks. This was the last one and tomorrow she would return home. To her Himme-chan and to her Ruka. Strange, this dream. After the curtain fell down she went back into her cloakroom, still thinking about the vision. Hope Ruka’s alright. She frowned, laid her violin carefully into the instrument case, put the flowers on the table and automatically dialled a number at her handy. It beeped for about ten times. She took a deep breathe and tried it again. It’s in the middle of the night, you baka! Surely she’s sleeping deep and tight. Michiru smiled as she imagined her Ruka laying on her bed. Her hairs messed, the blanket laying at the carpet around the bed. Usually she creeps under my blanket in the middle of the night. But today I am not there. Hope she doesn’t freeze tonight. At the moment she wanted to give up she heard how the telephone was answered. “Hai? Here’s at Kaioh and Tenô.” she heard a low, shaky voice. It sounded strange in her ears and Michiru sat down in a chair and frowned again. Has she been crying? Michiru shook her head, suddenly very pale and very, very worried. But then she remembered how late it was and that she probably woke her lover up. Surely Haruka’s voice was full of sleep. Hell, I am so concerned after that silly vision! “Gomen, Ruka. Here’s Michiru. I didn’t want to wake you up, but...” She smiled as she heard how her lover took the handy and moved back into her bedroom. Her smile grew wilder as she heard how Haruka stumbled – surely over her blanket – and cursed as she hit her right leg at the bed. “Hi Michi-chan. You don’t have to apologize. I love it to be waken up by your beautiful voice.” Teased her the young car racer and laughed. But it was somehow a shaky laughter. And there was another strange noise at the background. Like water falling. Is the shower working? “Is it raining?” asked Michiru instead and was kind of relieved as Haruka agreed. “I had a strange vision and I wanted to make sure that you’re feeling alright.” She heard how Haruka groaned and heard how the young racer opened a door. Surely to enter the huge balcony that overlook the wide ocean. “Don’t tell me that the sea’s getting wild again. It’s almost two years that we defeated Mistress 9. I thought it’s over now and that Sailor Moon doesn’t have to fight anymore. That the danger’s over now.” “I don’t know, Ruka. Maybe it was just a silly dream I had. I played a love song and I guess I missed you too much. Especially after the attack three weeks ago. You know, I overreact so easily.” Michiru walked over to the window and raised her head to look at the moon. Knowing that Haruka was watching the same moon right in that moment. She heard how her girlfriend took a deep breathe. “And, how was your concert?” asked the young racer and changed the topic. Michiru smiled sadly. She knew that Haruka wanted to comfort her and was depressed that she couldn’t. Because several hundred miles parted them. Michiru looked at her violin case and made a decision. “Fine.” She answered while she took her robe out of her wardrobe. “Ruka?” “Hai?” The voice was very silent at the other end of the line and Michiru could imagine an almost sleeping Haruka. Surely her eyes were closed and she leaned against the handrail of the balcony. “I love you, sweetheart.” There was a tender laughter and the noise of a soft kiss. “I love you, too, darling.” *** She kneeled next to the bed. Unable to move. Unable to think. She stared with empty green eyes at the sleeping girl down in the small bed, holding her teddy tight in her tiny arms. Haruka swallowed hard. Her hairs were still wet and although she changed her pyjama twice that night the cloth was still sweaty. Her fists were clenched in her lap and the pain was driving her crazy. But she didn’t make any sound. No whimper, no sobbing. She simply kneeled there and observed her daughter. I mustn’t give up. Haruka stretched her shaking hand and touched dark hairs that felt like velvet. The little girl didn’t awake. A smile laid on her face while she dreamed an innocent child’s dream. I mustn’t give up for Himme-chan. *** It was already dawn when she came home. It had been an exhausting fly and it took her some nerves to get a taxi at that early hour that brought her from the airport to the light house by the sea. Michiru put her violin case on the round table at the kitchen and moved silently upstairs. She rubbed her burning eyes and yawned. She didn’t sleep a lot during the past 24 hours but she had to come back. To know that everything was alright. To know that her Ruka and her Himme-chan were okay. To know that her vision hadn’t been more than just a silly nightmare. “Ruka?” she whispered as she sneaked into their bedroom. The first lights of a new born day shone through the open window. It was very cold in the room and the bed was a mess. Both blankets laid on the carpet, the pillows looked as if someone had squeezed them very hard. Only an old teddy bear laid carefully on that chaos. Safe and secure. Michiru smiled as she went over to touch the brown fur. Sometimes Ruka’s still a small child. And that’s good so. She heard the rushes of the shower and went over to the bathroom. But it was empty. Only the shower was running. Steam filled the bathroom, the mirrors were blind. Some towels laid on the ground and Michiru knew that Haruka tried her best to tidy up the house but finally failed. She has other qualities. Michiru turned off the shower and left the bedroom. She found her lover at the child’s room. The young racer kneeled next to the small bed. She wasn’t sleeping. The senshi of the wind stared with tired eyes at a hard breathing Hotaru. A white, wet towel laid on the small girl’s forehead and her cheeks were redden. Several medicine laid around on the soft carpet and some sheets of paper covered the handy. “Ruka?” whispered Michiru and looked scared at her daughter. Her heart stopped to beat as Haruka turned around and the young violinist looked into a very pale and very tired face. Then it beat again as the young car racer smiled slightly at her. “Don’t worry, Michi-chan. She has only a cold. Three days ago we went into Tokyo’s zoo and it got very late and very cold in the evening. I didn’t mention that she was freezing and now she and Chibiusa lay in bed with fever and cough. But the doctor says that there’s nothing to be worried about. She’ll be okay within the next two or three days.” Declared Haruka and Michiru could feel how much she trembled as she embraced her girlfriend carefully. “Gomen, Michi-chan. It was my fault. I should protect Himme-chan from every danger and not to make her ill!” whispered the young car racer, lowered her head and leaned it against Michiru’s shoulder. She’s so nice warm. She feels so good. “Hush, Ruka. It’s not your fault. She’s a small child and it’s normal to be a little bit sick during the cold autumn’s and winter’s time. As long as it’s not serious.” Michiru squeezed her lover tighter and gave her a tender kiss on the forehead. Haruka didn’t look up. She oppressed a yawn and closed her eyes. “You guarded her the whole of the night?” asked Michiru softly after a while and started rocking her still trembling lover. She knew how much Haruka loved Hotaru and she knew how scared the senshi of the wind was of ever losing their daughter. Although she would have never admitted it openly. “Hai.” A low, tired answer. After I took three showers that couldn’t clean me. “Then have some rest, Ruka. I’ll keep an eye on her. Don’t worry, I slept enough in the plane.” Declared Michiru, reached over for another blanket and covered the freezing body of her lover. Haruka didn’t protest. She simply laid down on the soft carpet, laid her head in Michiru’s lap and allowed her mind to drift away into a dark dreamland. She felt how Michiru started to stroke her short blonde hairs and suddenly the loneliness disappeared from her life that had haunted her down just some hours ago. The emptiness. It feels so right... “Michi-chan?” asked Haruka and yawned again before sleep could take away her thoughts. Her doubts and her fears. “Hai?” The stroking didn’t stop and the young car racer was very grateful about it. “Arigato that you came home earlier. It means much for me – and for Himme-chan.” Haruka was even too tired to blush. When did I sleep the last time? Really sleep? She frowned but relaxed as the stroking kept going on. Somewhere she heard a soft voice humming a sweet melody. Guess I slept the last time before Michiru went to her concerts. And the last real sleep was before that day three weeks ago... “I know, sweetheart. Have sweet dreams.” Declared the young violinist and rocked her lover gently. “I love you, Ruka.” The senshi of the wind only smiled a thin smile before she finally fell asleep. *** Grey light filled the arena as she walked towards her race car. It sparkled red and thoughtfully she stroke over the lacquer. It felt soft under her finger tips. But also cold and lifeless. How could this ever been so important to me? Haruka put her helmet over her head and climbed behind the steering wheel. For a long time she stared blank at the displays and rested motionless in her seat. How could I’ve been so blind? The race had been very important for her a long time ago. Now she knew that the most important thing in her whole life her family was. But know she wasn’t sure if it wasn’t already too late for that wonderful dream. I’ve been such a baka! To let my future die like this... *** The fans yelled at the winners. Although it was bitter cold the arena was filled. Today was another important race of this year's Grand Prix and their most favourite car racer won this race. Only two more races and he would have won the whole battle: Tenô Haruka. She stood at the stage and hold up her trophy. A tomboy smile laid on her face and she winked at the fans. They yelled back and the second and the third winner splashed her with champagne. But she didn't feel the cool fluid wetting her red racing suit. She didn't feel the wind playing with her sweaty short blonde hairs. She didn't even see the flashes from the cameras that crossed the air. Motionless she stood there, holding her trophy and grinning a frozen smile. Her eyes looked empty at the reporters and she only threw the champagne at the other winners because it was tradition. Once she had loved that moment. She had enjoyed every second she could stay on this stage. Often Michiru climbed on this stage, too and she splashed her, too. And afterwards we took a shower - together... Haruka shivered and was grateful that she was now allowed to leave the stage. She sneaked through different corridors and sighed relieved when she saw that there was no reporter on her secret way. She didn't want to talk about her newest victory. Because it wasn't so important to her anymore. I am glad that Michiru didn't come. Surely the senshi of the wide ocean had seen the sadness she tried desperately to hide behind her tomboy smile. But Michiru had to take care for Hotaru. Although the fever was gone, the little girl still felt weak. She needed her parents around to get quickly healthy again. Over three weeks since that day... Haruka entered her team's rooms and laid the trophy and her helmet on the table. Hotaru recovered well and only if you looked closer you could see the thin scar on her forehead. But mostly it was covered by her shoulder long black hairs. I am so glad that she doesn't remember it. Hotaru was a happy, always laughing and wild little girl again. After three days she was allowed to leave the hospital - together with her Haruka-papa. Since that time everything turned it's known way. They went to the zoo, ate ice cream, fed the ducky at the lake near the park. But at the same time everything was different. Haruka drove her races and won one after another. She broke the track records not only once and she had more than once an argument with Michiru that she shouldn't race so wild. So dangerously. During the two weeks Michiru had been at her beneficial concerts she called her up more than once to tell her that she didn’t like her style at the last race. Haruka sighed and locked the door. Then she stripped her race suit slowly and walked over to the bathroom. For a long time she stared at her reflection in the mirror and sighed again. Dark green eyes looked empty back at her. The bruises disappeared and nothing remembered in her face or at the other skin of her body what happened only three weeks ago. That a man actually defeated her. That he beat her down until she bleed. He almost broke my right arm. Still it hurt sometimes when she moved it but she could live with that pain. Sparkling tears shone in her eyes and she turned away from the other woman that seemed to be a stranger for her with a sudden. This pain is so tiny compared with the other pain... Haruka swallowed hard and stripped her underwear. She didn't want to look at her naked body and so she wrapped a towel around it. Then she stepped into the cabin and closed her eyes as the hot water fall down on her. I wish I could tell Michi-chan. Haruka sighed worn-out and stood under the shower. The hot water burned on her skin but it couldn't wash away the dirt she still felt on her pale skin. She took so many showers the last three weeks she wondered if she was turning into a fish one day. But she couldn’t wash the dirt off her skin. She never felt really clean when she left it. Even if she took three showers each night and changed her clothes every day. But it would break her heart. Somewhere there was shampoo and shower gel but today she didn't use it. She just stood there her head and her shoulder hang. Water ran down her back and her face. It tasted salty. And what about my own heart? I mustn't give up! She clenched her fists and ask herself how she could have been so stupid that day three weeks ago. So stupid and so careless. She was the senshi of wind. The strongest of all Sailors. But he simply beat her down when he got the power over her - with Hotaru. What else could I have done? Otherwise he would have killed her. Haruka leaned her head against the wall and swallowed hard. When she was together with her lover or with the rest of the Sailor team she could ignore her memories, she could forget about that day for a small while. But when she was alone, on her own like she was right now, her thoughts were haunting her like a wild animal that was trapped in a cage. Without a chance of ever escaping again. The water was incredible hot but she wouldn't give in her dizzy feelings. She wouldn't allow herself to let this pain finish. To let it be replaced by another, a deeper, a worse kind of pain. I'd rather die than to lose Himme-chan or Michi-chan. So she died... "Ruka?" She winced fiercely as the door to her cabin was opened. A warm body stepped behind her and before she could react she felt soft arms that embraced her tenderly. "Congratulations to your great victory. You beat them all." Whispered Michiru and kissed her girlfriend loving on the neck and smiled as Haruka shivered automatically. Hai, I beat them all. I broke the track record and won this race. Because I wanted to see if my car would break if I'd push it to the limits. But her car didn't break and so she reached the finish line as one of the fastest racers Japan had ever seen. One year ago she would have been happy to be so fast. So popular. So unbeatable. But now all she felt was a strange feeling of emptiness she couldn't get rid of. Haruka opened her eyes, but she couldn't turn to face her lover. So she stared at the white flagstones that were covered with water. Dust rose and filled slowly the cabin. She didn't move as she felt Michiru's hands opening the towel she was still wearing. It flew with a wet noise on the ground and Haruka winced again as she felt her lover's naked body pressed against her own one. "Is that a new fashion? To take a shower with your towel?" teased Michiru and continued to kiss her back. Haruka swallowed hard but still she wasn't able to say anything. It was so wonderful to be touched by the one and only woman in her life. But at the same time it felt so strange. So unreal. "Michi-chan..." Haruka's voice was shaky and Michiru giggled as she stroke over her lover's slim belly. She could feel how the taller senshi winced again and pressed her harder against herself. "No, please, not." Stammered Haruka and bit on her lower lip as the caressing hands stopped at her belly. "Why?" The young violinist didn't sound disappointed or angry. She simply sounded very surprised. They both liked it to take a shower together after one exiting race. The taller woman didn't respond anything. She just stood there, her hands seized the wall and wet strands of her short blonde hair covered her face with shadows. Michiru wasn't able to see her lover's expression. So she started her caressing again and smiled tenderly as she heard her lover's oppressed groans. She had a hard day at the track. That race was very important for the whole Grand Prix. Guess I simply have to show her that it's over now. Michiru's smile became wolfish as her hands touched Haruka's legs and the tall woman winced again. This feels so damn good! Haruka closed her eyes again and tried to concentrated on her lover's touch. Only on her touch. That could help her to forget what happened in the past. She's my future. She and Hotaru. They're the only reasons for me being alive any longer... Haruka sighed deeply as she felt Michiru's hands at her most sensitive skin and automatically spread her legs. Still the water was falling from above and it was very warm. It covered her like a nice blanket. Together with her lover at her side. Here no one could do her any harm. Here she was safe and secure. Here the night and all nightmares didn't exist any longer. >Whore!< Haruka eyes flew wide open as she heard the rude voice in her head. Over and over again. "No..." she whimpered and pushed Michiru's hands away. Her whole body trembled as she reached for her wet towel and left the cabin as if there was suddenly something really frightening in it. Michiru blinked confused and switched off the shower. Then she followed her lover. Haruka covered her naked body quickly with her wide black shirt and reached for her dark jeans. She lost weight. I didn't mention it. Michiru frowned as she went over to her lover - still naked. "We should go now. Hotaru's surely waiting for us. I can't believe that you..." "Hush." Michiru embraced her taller girlfriend and felt how she trembled. Shortly she saw into sad green eyes before Haruka turned her head away. "Hotaru's safe. Ami and Rei are with her. I simply wanted to watch your race." She raised her hand and stroke through the wet short hairs. They felt like velvet. "Gomen, Michi-chan. The race was exhausting and I don't... I mean, I..." Haruka sighed deeply but Michiru interrupted her words with a short but loving kiss. "You don't have to apologize. We'll have enough time for ourselves at the week-end." She giggled and leaned her head against Haruka's shoulder. She felt how her lover embraced her, too and pressed her slightly against the still trembling body. Why is she so excited? Michiru frowned and held her taller senshi tighter. Is it really just because of that race? "If our Himme-chan gives us that time." Answered Haruka very slowly and leaned her head against Michiru's and smelled the scent of her sea green hairs. She knew that she wouldn't be able to take that time for her girlfriend the next week-end. She didn't even knew if she would ever be able again. I love you so much! But I don't want to hurt you... "Hotaru's feeling better now. What do you think if we're going to the cinema the next Saturday? Usagi and the other want to come with us. It's a cartoon about chicken and it should be very funny." Asked Michiru, her eyes still closed. Still leaning against her lover. Enjoying the presence and the embrace of the other one. "It sounds okay. If Himme-chan likes that movie I'd watch everything." Declared Haruka and felt how her shirt was getting wet again. But she didn't care about it. "How could you sneak into this room? I locked the door." Michiru raised her head and deep blue eyes looked for some seconds into dark green ones. It's the first time that she locked it. She never felt affected when one of her team colleagues came into and saw her naked. Why is she suddenly so shy? "Can't you remember? Once you gave me that key so that I could come when you're still at the track to prepare our shower." She giggled as Haruka blushed deeply. But there was something in the taller woman's eyes that made her frown again. Michiru stepped on her tip toes and kissed her carefully. It was a light, tender kiss. And for the first time Haruka let it be so soft. So tenderly. For the first time she didn't give in her temper and the kiss didn't get more passionate. "Ruka...?" asked Michiru concerned and raised her hands to caress over the now redden cheeks. "Everything’s fine, Michi-chan. Just a little bit tired." Haruka smiled a brave smile and gave her lover another light kiss. You liar! Nothing is okay! And you've never been tired when she wanted to love you! Haruka didn't listen to her inner voice. All she wanted to concentrate on was the woman next to her. Who wanted her. Needed her. Obviously loved her. "I love you, Ruka." Whispered Michiru after another kiss ended slowly and the tender smile that appeared on her face melt a bit of the ice that was wrapped around Haruka's heart. The young car racer tightened the embracement and pulled her girlfriend closer. Then she buried her face in wet sea green hairs and could forget that anything else existed but the warm body beside her. I love you, too, Michi-chan. Haruka swallowed hard and could fight back her tears as she felt how Michiru's hands slipped under her wide shirt and started automatically to caress the soft skin of her back. As if she instinctively wanted to calm her lover down. I love you. And that's why I don't want to hurt you. As much as I had been hurt... *** The sea birds screamed outside the house and an anime hero screamed inside of the TV-set. Hotaru sat in front of it and watched her heroes with big eyes. A blanket was wrapped around her small body while she drank some gulps of her hot honey milk. Michiru laid next to her on the couch and slept deep and tight. It had been a long night with the still ill girl and now here tiredness had overtaken her. None of them noticed the tall woman standing silent in the shadows of the door. Haruka watched her family for a long time without saying a word. I love them so much. Hard she fought against her tears as she thought about the test she did in hospital. Still she had no results and she was very concerned about it. What if it’s positive? Haruka swallowed hard. Then she turned away and left the house by the sea to take a long walk along the beach. What if I’ll lose them forever?
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