What I Want...
A Licence to be Selfish.
Haruka swallowed hard, remembering, and her left hand went to
join her right on her stomach. "You didn't... He wouldn't..."
Desir's smile was positively glowing, but the trace of malicious
mischief there was undeniable. "Wish granted, Haruka-kun!"
Haruka stood dumbfounded. She didn't need to ask what that magic
had been. The insinuation was clear, but how was it even possible?
Why would her Warlock Master have done that? Why would he have chosen
Desir as his courier? Why her, and why now of all times?
"This is a joke, right?" she asked, her voice as cold as stone.
Her eyes burrowed into Desir, but the demonette just continued to
smile.
"My my, Haruka-kun, whatever could you mean?"
Then she realised what Desir had actually said. It had originally
been meant for Ami. If it hadn't been so tragic Haruka would have
smiled. The old goat had possessed a keen, affable wit with more than
a little edge to it. She could fully believe that he would go so out
of his way to give such a perverse gift, because there would have
been very little harm in it. The rest of them would have been there
to support the girl, even if the conditions were not considered
ideal.
But then, Haruka had noticed that about Seiji, and the family
Makoto had been close to. Single parents were normal there.
All the while Haruka's family watched, barely understanding what
they were seeing. This was Rei's demon?
"What have you done to her!?" Michiru demanded. "What was that
ball!?"
Beside Haruka Hotaru looked up at her with worried eyes. Eyes
that had suddenly lost the cautious anger of the last few days. "H-
Haruka-papa? Are you okay?"
Setsuna just watched. There was no need to transform if the
younger girls were willing to stand up to this creature without their
magic. And it explained a lot, if her guess was correct. An awful
lot.
The three of them did not know Desir though. In an instant Ami
was by Haruka's side, while Makoto and Minako both glared ferociously
at Desir. "Spit it out demonette!" Makoto yelled right into Desir's
face, still righteously boiling after trying to defend Rei.
Behind her girlfriend Rei was trembling, drawing strength from
Usagi as the girl held her, but the shock was over now, and her
determination had set back in. She got shakily to her feet, Usagi
still supporting her, and glared at Desir. "Stop grinning and answer
damn it! You never shut up before so don't start biting your lip
now!"
Under the combined verbal assault Desir sighed comically. "Ah, to
be spurned by my old mistress, but since you all asked so nicely..."
Haruka didn't give her the satisfaction. "The Art. It was Warlock
magic, from Seiji. I didn't even think it worked here." She gave a
brief glance towards Michiru. "I've tried."
"It doesn't," Desir confirmed with a satisfied smirk. "That's why
I had to make the capsule for it. You have *no idea* how long it took
to make, Haruka-kun."
"Stop calling me that!" Haruka suddenly yelled. Desir had never
used proper Japanese before, why did she have to start now, mocking
her with it?
"Oh, but your suffixes are so much fun!" Desir replied gleefully.
"But I suppose I really shouldn't, should I Haruka-papa?"
Haruka flinched. She hadn't wanted to hear it from Desir's mouth.
It also stopped the other girls in their tracks, but Ami was the
first to recognise the reality of the situation. After all the
misunderstandings in Seiji, how could she not? Especially if that
magic capsule had been meant for her. "You are... pregnant."
"Hmm, that is a point," Desir noted. "It should be Haruka-*mama*
now I suppose. How very convoluted."
No-one had anything to say to that. What was the proper response
to discovering something on that scale? And for Haruka of all people.
"H-Haruka-san, I'm sorry..." Ami whispered.
"As if this was somehow your fault," Michiru growled. Very few of
them had ever heard Michiru growl before. Even with her elegant looks
full grown tigers would have had second thoughts about taking her on
after that. It was no surprise that Ami cringed, but the anger wasn't
directed at her, the others realised. She was staring straight at
Desir. "What is the meaning of this? Some sick sort of joke!? As if
fighting for her wasn't hard enough already, you have to jump up and
do THIS!?!"
Desir just gave her a winning smile. "Ah, you would be the
girlfriend. How awkward for you."
Michiru closed her eyes and swallowed hard, stopping herself from
screaming. "I can assume that... this supposed child is Ami-san's?"
Desir just nodded, looking strangely content. Not overly jovial
as she had been. Just happy. "Of course. Why should she have to live
with a consolation prize?"
"I would have been happy with that," Ami suddenly said with a
sob, surprising everyone, even Desir. "I never wanted to cause all
this trouble."
"But if there is 'all this trouble'," Desir put in, "then you
must want her for yourself after all. Or maybe Haruka might want you
enough to risk losing what she has." She mock sighed with that jovial
air once again. "Oh, how wonderfully convoluted indeed!"
"But how could you do this?!" Usagi challenged from behind the
flaming demonette. "How could you do this to Michiru-san and Haruka-
san? And doesn't Ami-chan have enough to worry her without this too?!
And even if you did make Ami-chan pregnant instead, she's still
young, and in school, and she'd be a single mother! How would that
have been fair either?!"
Desir turned and smiled at the girl. "You would be Usagi then.
You know, I've wanted to meet you for a long time. My Rei has all
sorts of wonderful memories in her head about you!"
"Desir!" Rei exclaimed, hoping to shut the demonette up, but
Haruka wasn't paying attention to them, and answered Usagi's
question.
"Dumpling, I never told anyone about Japan when I was away.
Master Daltass couldn't have known that his 'gift'," she said the
word as though it tasted a little bitter, "would have caused problems
for her."
"But..."
"I'm sure Mako-chan noticed," Haruka continued. "The nomad men
didn't spend much time with their families. Being a single parent was
normal there."
Makoto nodded sadly as she realised the truth in that. "They were
all like that. Juriere didn't always like it, but she just accepted
that her husband was never there. The mothers and older children
would all help raise the kids. Actually, that was kind of fun."
"That makes sense I guess," Minako said, the pieces connecting
inside her head. "We have enough girls to help muck out."
Michiru felt an involuntary twitch. "Minako-chan, now is not the
time. So," she said, looking daggers at their uninvited guest, "even
if that is so, why exactly did you choose Haruka instead?"
"As I said," Desir smirked, "I rather like her, so why shouldn't
I give her a shot at the gold?"
"And cause as much trouble as you can along the way," Rei added
with vitriol.
Desir giggled. "Well, it will certainly be interesting, eh? One
night stands can become so complicated if you aren't careful!"
Haruka heard Michiru trying to control her breathing, and watched
as the woman she loved balled her fists.
"Careful?" Michiru bit out. "How exactly could they have been any
more 'careful'!?!"
Ami cringed at that, as Makoto watched, worried. 'Maybe careful
so that she didn't get so attached,' she thought. 'Not that it helps
now.'
Michiru didn't wait for Desir's inevitable, supposedly witty
answer. She just turned away and began to walk. "That's enough," she
said, forcing herself to keep her composure, and not knowing which
way she might go if she failed. "I'm going home."
"Michiru-san!" Usagi called, but all the worry in the world
wasn't going to stop her.
Hotaru looked back after her. She had just sat through it all in
stunned silence. What was she supposed to think now? Who was she
supposed to blame? She could feel the tears burning in her eyes, but
she couldn't scream at Ami any more. She couldn't scream at her
surrogate father either. She loved her too much to blame her, even if
she wanted to.
She had never slapped anyone before, and now she was throwing the
second one that day as her hand lashed out and struck Rei across the
cheek. "Why couldn't you stop her!?" Hotaru asked, crying openly.
"She's your demon!!"
A twisted logic perhaps, but she couldn't hit fire itself. She
was already feeling guilty for it when she turned to Desir, sitting
in the sacred flames, and screamed.
"I HATE YOU!"
Rei stood watching the young girl run after her mother, her hand
rubbing at her stinging cheek. But what could she do? She had never
been able to control Desir. That had been the root of all her
problems. "You've done your damage," she said angrily, a trace of
fear unsteadying her voice, "so what now? If the Dark Art won't work,
how do we get rid of you?"
Desir just shook her head. "Ah, my little Rei, I don't think
you've quite grasped the point. This world is not Seiji. Not even
sorcery will work here. Magic can be very temperamental that way.
Believe me, it took me years to find a way up here, and I could only
do it because of our pact."
"Years?" Makoto asked, her mind boggling. It had only been a
month or so since their return.
"Yep," Desir confirmed with a wide, self-satisfied smile. "And if
anyone back home finds out I managed it you have no idea how much
pain I'll be in for! But I just had to say hi again, and I had our
little present after all."
Usagi looked at the burning woman with confused pity. "How can
you be so unkind?"
"Hey, I'm sure you can give me a little credit," Desir defended,
though she hardly seemed bothered by it. "You'll see. Your friends
got to play Seraphi. There's something conspiring to carry you girls,
even if it's just the winds of fate, or destiny, or whatever such
rubbish you believe in on this world. This is just for flavour along
the way! As for me, you can stop with the daggers Rei. I'd be
banished if I tried to leave your little fire here, and it's hard
enough even staying here since your reality doesn't support sorcery.
Lucky for me our pact still has some cosmic clout." She gave Rei a
cheeky wink. "It's not just words after all!"
"So that's it?" Minako asked, not looking too happy. "You're just
going to dump this on us and scarper?"
Desir laughed. "Somehow I doubt my little Rei would like me
sticking around!"
"Let's just hope your kind do find out about this," Makoto said,
staring Desir straight in the eyes. "Karma maybe."
"And it's been charming seeing you again as well Mako. You take
good care of my little girl, and don't keep her out too late on
schooldays!" She gave them all a sweeping bow. "Girls, a pleasure."
And with that she was gone, the sacred flames sputtering out as
she vanished. They all stood in silence, their minds turning over
everything that had just happened, and from the doorway the two cats
emerged from their hiding places.
"Haruka-san," Usagi said as Rei and Makoto stepped together, "are
you okay?"
Haruka's mind was fairly blank. "... I suppose so. Technically."
Ami wanted to say something to that, but she bit her lip. She
couldn't think of a single word that wouldn't feel painful as it left
her lips, and so she settled for slipping to her knees, looking at
the cats and waiting for their inevitable comment.
Artemis just padded over to Minako and the girl picked him up
gently, but Luna looked at them all, and Haruka in particular, with a
gaze that was trying to comprehend this sudden twist of fate. "I
think we had better have that talk now, everyone." Then she looked
over at their hostess. "Rei-chan, could I have some water please? My
throat suddenly feels dry."
***
Rei had rarely ever needed to put up the 'Shrine Closed' sign at
the bottom of the long stone steps, but this was one of those times.
It was getting late, and all the patrons had retired already, but she
felt that they were better safe than sorry. Her grandfather might
have a few questions if he came home early from the council meet he
had been guilt-tripped into attending, but it wouldn't have been the
first time she ended up making excuses for herself.
As she climbed the steps back up she spotted one of the resident
crows by the path-side. "She spooked you too, huh Phobos-chan?"
The crow looked up and cawed at her, before it resumed its
pecking around the stonework for cicadas. Rei shook her head and left
her would-be pet to its foraging. "Or maybe not. It must be nice."
The sky above had already turned the most brilliant shade of
orange as Rei rejoined their gang, sitting outside. "Where's Setsuna-
san?" she asked as she took a seat on the decking that surrounded the
building.
"I sent her ahead," Luna replied from the middle of the paved
path, at the 'head' of the group. "She understands this already.
Goodness knows that we have discussed it enough. She will deal with
Michiru."
"Luna," Usagi said, not wanting to ruffle anyone's feathers right
now, "I don't think this is the time to be telling us off."
"On the contrary," Luna replied curtly. "The time for that has
already gone, thanks to our lenience on you all. I am just making
sure it doesn't cause any more damage."
Several of the girls winced at that statement, but they didn't
speak up.
"Haruka-san, we need to either confirm your condition or disprove
it..."
"Hey, Luna," Makoto suddenly interrupted, surprising the cat with
her show of brass, "you can't talk about it like a disease! And
besides, it's not even her fault!"
"I'm well aware of that Makoto-chan," Luna replied, gazing
levelly at the tall girl. "But whatever the case we need to either
prove or disprove that she is pregnant. Until then," she continued,
turning to Haruka, "and from then on if you are indeed carrying, you
are forbidden from transforming."
"Luna!" Minako, Usagi and Makoto exclaimed.
"Wait," Rei said to her friends, understanding the point. "We
can't let her fight if she's going to have a baby."
"And trust me," Haruka added, unable to get the touch of the Art
out of her head, "it's real. I doubt you can fake that kind of
feeling. The Art I mean. And it's really that bitch's style."
Luna looked over to Rei, as if she would have a better grasp of
that particular fact. Rei just nodded, looking at the ground. "Yeah,
she'd think it was hilarious. And you heard her. I don't think she
was lying."
Luna nodded and sighed in resignation. "Very well. But please
Haruka-san, just make sure. For your own sake."
Haruka nodded. "... Yeah. But I won't give up fighting. You need
me."
"That isn't open to discussion Haruka-san." Luna sounded even
more serious about that point. "I frankly didn't think this would
become an issue without a little forewarning, but trying to use magic
in your condition..."
Makoto's eyebrow twitched again, and Artemis took over as Luna
hesitated.
"It would be problematic at best," he finished for his partner.
"Your powers are uniquely yours, tied to your own inner energy, but
if you are pregnant it's not just your own energy inside you any
more. You could end up harming both yourself and your child just by
transforming, let alone using your Senshi powers."
Luna actually tried to give Haruka a smile there, though she
didn't know how reassuring she could be right then. "We want to keep
you safe Haruka-san, and right now that means keeping you off the
battlefields."
Usagi nodded, finally agreeing with her advisor. "It's okay
Haruka-san. We'll be fine. These new youma seemed kind of weak
anyway, didn't they? And we haven't seen anything in ages, so maybe
we don't have to worry about them, at least for now."
"Dumpling, we can't take that risk."
"She's right Haruka-san," Ami said softly. "We can manage. We
have to keep each other safe. It's just that, this time, it means you
mustn't fight."
Luna nodded, pleased with the clear-headedness her girls were
showing. However... "That leads me to my second point, Ami-chan. I
don't like the factions that keep arising among us all. Setsuna-san
might not agree with me, but separating our forces down the middle
serves no purpose if we don't keep each other informed."
"Alright," Haruka said, already knowing where this was going. "I
know. No more secrets, infighting, all that stuff. I've done this bit
already Luna... And if I can't fight, it doesn't matter anyway."
Luna paused, surprised by Haruka's outburst. Of course she was
going to be tense right now, but it had been an unforeseen bit of
information. Luna had expected a little resistance at least. "I see.
Thank you Haruka-san. I hope the other three can also take that to
heart."
"However," she continued, "That wasn't quite my point. You have
been doing well at coming together, your last battle proved that, but
there are also holes appearing that could easily be taken advantage
of."
"What do you mean?" Minako asked, now rather confused. "We're
fighting better than ever!"
Artemis sighed. "Technically? Yes."
"But you're choosing favourites," Luna said summing up her
thoughts. "I was already worried enough about that with Haruka-san
and Michiru-san."
"Hey!" Makoto said, the quickest on the uptake this time, and she
stepped closer to Rei, taking her hand almost defiantly. "You're
saying we shouldn't be allowed to love each other!?"
Luna looked at the pair and let out a sigh as Rei blushed bright
red at the uncharacteristically open show of affection from Makoto.
"Ideally that would be the case, but I can't choose who you fall in
love with, or when. Just remember this Makoto-chan, you are making
each other into targets, and when your 'partner' is taking all your
attention, you won't be there to help your other friends when they
need you."
She looked over at Haruka. It was cruel she knew, but she needed
to make the point, and make it as strongly as possible. "I have been
trying for years to break Usagi-chan and Mamoru-kun's dangerous
habits in that regard. Likewise, Setsuna has had far more success in
training Haruka-san and Michiru-san, but it still cost them their
lives in the Marine Cathedral, didn't it Haruka-san?"
Luna watched guiltily as Haruka's eyes bored into the ground. She
had not seen the strong, confident young woman cry before, but then,
she also guessed that some of that confidence was only skin deep. She
was already regretting how far she had gone before Haruka got to her
feet and slowly headed for the steps, not wanting to let the others
see her tears.
"Haruka-san, wait!" Usagi, Makoto and Ami cried out, but Haruka
had been driven too far for one day. She just wanted to be alone. She
wanted time to think. She wanted a simple way out. Even a reset
button would have done.
She reached into her pocket and took out her transformation pen.
"Haruka-san!" Luna exclaimed, but she needn't have worried.
Haruka just let the thing fall from her fingers.
"I'll want it back, you hear me!?" Haruka shouted, standing
hunched in the last of the orange sunset before she started down the
steps.
"Luna," Ami said, her own eyes watering in sympathy, "that was
too cruel!"
Luna looked ashamed at that. "Maybe. But you understand what I am
saying. I would rather hurt you now than let you get each other hurt
in battle."
The others seemed to accept that, regardless of what they felt
inwardly, but Makoto remained defiant. "You can't dictate to me. Not
about this Luna. I won't give her up!"
Luna watched as Makoto wrapped her arms protectively around Rei.
"I doubt I need to ask," Luna replied, "but I won't need to worry
about either of you following in Haruka's footsteps, will I?"
Makoto held Rei tighter, glaring at the cat.
"No Luna," Rei replied, feeling uneasy all of a sudden. "I don't
think that demon will be coming back any time soon." Not if she could
help it anyway. Even if that meant giving up her fire readings.
"And I know I've already spoken about it with Usagi-chan," Luna
added. "At great length."
Usagi nodded, but her mind wasn't really on the lecture. She was
feeling bad about Haruka and Michiru, but she did at least answer.
"We're careful."
"And you don't need to look at me like that," Minako said, pre-
empting Luna. "I've always been careful. If I wasn't my parents would
kill me. Literally. Actually, if they knew the truth I'd probably be
in trouble anyway, but yeah."
Luna decided that that was enough for one evening. She had
already driven one of her best fighters off, even if she couldn't
fight at present, and at least one other now hated her guts. "Okay.
That's all then. The rest is up to you girls. Just make sure you can
live up to the choices you make, both on and off the battlefield.
Please."
***
Michiru sat on the comfortable leather, feeling - and not for the
first time - that their sofa was far too big for just one person. It
was one of those feelings that came to her at the strangest of
moments, as if her mind was trying to distract itself, regardless of
whether she wanted to be distracted or not. She never let it show,
but she could be distracted a little too easily at times. That was
what made her painting so intriguing. She could give those
distractions form, whether in the details of a still-life or the
surrealism of a dreamscape.
Right now however her observant self-distraction was not so
welcome. She wanted to indulge in the luxury of brooding, since she
felt herself too mature and self-possessed to properly act out. She
had been working on a nice, dark bit of brooding before the overly
empty sofa had decided to occupy her mind, and it left her
struggling. She wanted to feel bad now, really and truly awful, so
that she could get it all out of the way. She had a daughter to
comfort, and a lover to deal with.
That was 'deal with' as in try to understand her plight. As in
try to forgive her with her heart and not just with words. Try to
reclaim at least some of the trust and emotional intimacy that had
connected them so deeply. That wasn't an easy thing, she knew, even
if that intimacy meant that she knew how Haruka would be feeling, now
that this had been done to her.
And finally she realised that she did have an outlet for her
flailing emotions. A very simple one, to whom any damage she did
would be healed in almost no time at all.
"You can say something now," Michiru bit out, relieved that her
imagined solitude was broken. Now she could be angry to her heart's
content.
"I doubt that a simple, sympathetic apology will help," Setsuna
replied, standing by the counter that separated the kitchen and
living room. And though the words were cold, the voice that spoke
them was one laced with sadness. That had been the apology.
"Spare me your abstruse insight," Michiru replied, getting to her
feet and letting herself frown freely at her mentor and friend. The
woman who had been, from the beginning, a second mother to her child.
"You knew about this, didn't you? All of it. Did you think we
wouldn't notice you spending so much time at that Gate of yours when
Haruka came home? I just didn't realise why."
Setsuna just accepted the accusations. They were mostly true
after all. Against most people Setsuna would have had none of it, but
Michiru at least deserved the few answers Setsuna could give. "I felt
the changes when she returned," Setsuna admitted, very
straightforward. "The future had changed so violently when they all
left our universe, and the reverse was also true. I didn't know why
the threads of fate had been altered, I could just see that they had.
You of all people know that the future is not an exact science."
"But this can't have been part of our future!!" Michiru
exclaimed, furious and distraught. "Why couldn't you tell me
something like this!?" And then some of the energy left her in a sigh
and a sob. "Even if I'd have to deal with it anyway, you could have
told me. Especially then."
"That is true," Setsuna admitted again. "This was never a part of
our timeline. But it is now. A very important part in fact. It will
not affect the rise of Crystal Tokyo, and what I can see of our
future before then, if we continue on the right path, is one that may
prove brighter."
"But what about *US*!?" Michiru countered. "What about Haruka
and I?! How can this be brighter?"
Setsuna gave her a sad smile. "Some things change very little,
Michiru, no matter how much the future shifts. Haruka and yourself
have always been together, in one way or another, and largely for the
best. Regardless of how you come out of this challenge, the two of
you will be close, and you will be happy to have lived through it, as
long as you let yourself."
Then she said the words that Michiru didn't want to hear. "And,
by contrast, you have always had your times apart. And again, those
are largely for the best."
"SHUT UP! That's not true! I still love her, and she'll still
love me! I'll make sure of it!! I still want her... don't I?"
Setsuna tried to give her a comforting smile, even though Michiru
had shut her eyes in an attempt to ward off what she was hearing.
"You will always love one another, for as long as you both live, but
love is a difficult thing when the years become decades, and the
decades become centuries. You know that, on some level. Even if you
won't truly understand it until you have lived it."
"And I won't tell you what happens now," Setsuna finished. "With
so many possibilities, and so many choices for you all to make, it
would be little better than a guess. But you have lived through the
latest phase of your relationship properly, finding your own answers.
That is the only way to satisfy fate."
Michiru stood there and clenched her fists. "... That doesn't
tell me anything... Even 'we'll always be together in some way', that
could mean anything! We could be dead and it would still fulfil your
useless prophesies! Are you saying I'm supposed to leave her!? We're
supposed to make it work somehow!?"
Setsuna laid a hand on Michiru's arm. "If the choices were not
yours to make, it would not be your life."
"I hate you sometimes!"
"... I know."
***
Ami felt numb. She wasn't sure what else she was supposed to be
feeling right now, but whatever it was that emotion wasn't there. It
wasn't the overly emotional, teenage angst 'numb' that so many
depressing singers went on about either. It was just a calm sort of
blankness, and her thoughts skittered across it like confused kittens
across an icy pond. They knew there was supposed to be some sort of
traction to them, but when they moved their metaphorical paws it
didn't seem to have much effect.
Perhaps it wasn't a lack of feeling, but that she was feeling
everything all at once. She was happy for herself that her feelings
for Haruka, however superfluous they were, had been given some sort
of vindication. She was upset that these events were causing more and
more problems for everyone around her. She felt humbled that the
Warlock had considered her, and them, worthy of such a gift. She
hated her ego for thinking that this was something to be happy about.
Worried for Haruka, guilty for herself, relieved for Rei that Desir
could not do anything more in this world - it all came together in
one soupy brown mixture which left her thoughts with no anchor, since
no one emotion was willing to take ground over the others.
She turned her key in the door, only to find it unlocked. In her
current state of mind it was just one more skittering kitten of
curiosity that flitted through her brain before she continued inside.
She would have to try and remember that image to tell the others. It
would probably make them smile.
"I'm home," she called out, mostly out of reflex, but this time
she did get a reply.
"Welcome back," her mother called in return. "Ami, could you join
me please?"
Ami registered that request as she slipped off her shoes. Why
would her mother be home early on a weekday? It wasn't even ten o'
clock yet.
The answer, it turned out, was sitting obviously on the coffee
table that her mother sat at. "Ami, I know you are not feeling too
well at the moment, but we need to talk. One of the nurses at work
gave me this."
Ami's eyes locked onto the open magazine, and the image of
Michiru and herself just after their moment of altercation the
previous day.
"The article makes for upsetting reading," Katsura said levelly,
"but I would much rather hear the honest explanation. This is why you
have been so depressed recently, isn't it?"
Ami just continued to stare. Finally one of her emotions was
winning. She had let her mother down, and now she had to admit it.
"M-Mother," she stammered, trying to keep her voice level. "It is...
complicated," she finally finished, lamely.
"I would expect so," Katsura said with a sigh. "Especially after
I came home to find yourself and Tenoh-san fully dressed, asleep on
this settee."
Ami felt herself failing. Her eyes itched, but she couldn't cry.
"I'm sorry Mother. I'm so sorry!"
Katsura got up as Ami hid her face in her hands, and she wrapped
her arms around her daughter. "I don't need you to be sorry, Ami. I
know you are not the type of girl to cause trouble. What I need is to
be told why. Do you understand how worried I have been? I have you
back, and yet I can't do a thing to help you."
Ami wept tearlessly into her mother's arms. "I love her! I can't
help it!"
Katsura sighed again as she comforted her. "And you kept it a
secret, and now Kaioh-san knows."
Ami nodded into her mother's shoulder. "We were both so lonely,
and our powers made us hurt, and it was only one night! That was
supposed to be the end of it! Why did all of this have to happen?"
'So they did do something,' Katsura thought. She didn't like it,
but there it was. "You always were a late bloomer," she said. "But
you're an adult Ami, and these things happen. Even if it was," she
swallowed hard as she tried to say the words, "only for one night,
you were in that world together for a long time. Are you going to try
and take her for yourself?"
"No!" Ami said, finally looking up. "I... I can't do that. It's
not right." But then she had already done enough that 'wasn't right',
she thought sadly. "I don't know if it matters now though."
Katsura looked at her questioningly, and with more than a hint of
worry. "What do you mean?"
"It..." Ami hesitated, "has got very complicated."
Katsura didn't follow. "How do you mean? Complicated enough for
Kaioh-san to strike you?"
"No," Ami said, shaking her head. "That was just... that was
before. You know that Minako-chan said there was a demon in Seiji,
when she was giving her press conference? We had to deal with that
demon a lot, and she decided to visit us tonight."
Katsura went white. "You are serious? You are okay, aren't you
Ami? What about your friends?"
Ami bowed her head. It took her an age to say it. "She decided
that Haruka-san and myself shouldn't be exempt from the risks of...
what we did."
Katsura swallowed. Hard.
"Haruka is pregnant."
This time it was Katsura's turn to falter with her words. "... H-
how is that possible?"
So Ami explained. About the Art of the Warlocks, about the
misunderstandings in Seiji over Ami's illness, and about the Warlock
Master's bastardised good intentions.
It actually felt good to say it. What didn't feel so good was
her mother's shell-shocked reaction.
"Well, there is some of your father in you after all," Katsura
finally said. "When he did make things complicated, he never did it
half-way."
Ami buried her head in her mother's shoulder again. "I'm sorry!"
"The question is," Katsura said, "if this only happened tonight,
what are Tenoh-san and Kaioh-san going to do?"
"I don't know," Ami replied quietly. "Michiru-san just left. And
Haruka-san... I don't know."
Her mother gave her a gentle nudge. "And you? You have a very
real voice in this Ami."
"I don't know! I... I just don't know. I'm scared. I don't even
know what I want now!"
"It's okay," Katsura replied, retracting the question. "This
is... rather unprecedented for anyone, I suspect. Even the Senshi."
Ami curled further into her mother's embrace, and in the back of
her mind Katsura had to wonder.
"Ami, you have met Minako-chan's parents quite a few times,
haven't you?"
"M-Minako-chan's?" Ami asked, confusion breaking her out of her
dry tears. "Not often, but I suppose so. W-why?"
"Oh, it's nothing," Katsura lied. "I just met them again,
recently. I'd had forgotten how flaky they seemed!"
"Mother!" Ami exclaimed, shocked at the openly expressed opinion.
"That's not nice! They are just busy, because Aino-san can't earn
much. Especially after his company made him redundant and he had to
find a new job." She sighed. "Actually Mako-chan thinks the same way,
but it's not their fault. They are very nice people, even if there is
a little friction between them sometimes."
Katsura relented, still probing secretly for information. "I
understand. I just didn't see them as the most down-to earth people."
She was glad when Ami actually giggled at that. "Oh, Minako-chan
might be flighty, but that's just her. Her parents are too serious
for her. Especially her father. I think that's why they don't get on
sometimes."
That was what Katsura had wanted to know. The problem was it
didn't help her disbelieve the crazy notions she had picked up from
the Aino patriarch. "I see. Never mind then."
She put it out of her mind and brightened, especially in the wake
of her daughter's small giggles. It felt like an age since she had
last seen her smile. "Ami, since I am here, why don't we go out to
dinner, the two of us. You didn't leave anything to drain, so you
haven't eaten, have you?"
Ami shook her head. "No. I wasn't hungry."
Katsura nodded, that settling the issue. "Then let's go. Just for
now you should try to relax. And so do I, for that matter."
Ami nodded. She needed to clear her head if she was ever going to
sort out what she was going to do now. Assuming she could do
anything. "Okay. Let's."
***
Rei was a diligent worker at their family shrine. She always had
been, ever since she had first donned the red and white robes of a
shrine maiden. Her enthusiasm had waned over time, to be sure, but
out of that enthusiasm had grown a fond habit for her duties. Even
the most boring of tasks, like sweeping those seemingly eternal stone
steps, had become natural to her.
And, at those times of boredom that would have sent blonder girls
screaming at the unfairness of the task, Rei was content to let her
mind wander. Especially at those times when her head seemed so
cluttered, like that morning. They had all found themselves in, to
some degree or other, quite a difficult mess. And, to her mind, it
only seemed natural to take some of that blame. She should have done
more than just cower and scream when Desir had appeared. After all
that time fighting against the demonette's influences, and this was
all she had to show for it? It was sad really, she thought with a wry
sense of self-deprecating humour. Just a bit pathetic.
But still, she had got off lightly. Unlike the girl who was
climbing the steps to meet her. Rei felt bad for her, maybe more so
than the others. No matter what happened now, the girl would just be
pulled along for the ride. "Good morning Hotaru-chan," Rei greeted,
giving her a wise and comforting smile. "How are you feeling?"
Hotaru didn't look very good if Rei told herself the truth. The
girl had lost a lot of sleep that night, and she carried her hands
together, down in front of her, looking very small and self-effacing.
Rei hadn't seen her look like that since she had been moved up into
high school.
"Rei-san," Hotaru said in a squeaking, apologetic voice. "I...
I'm sorry. I shouldn't have treated you like that yesterday."
Rei shook her head and waved the apology off, her surprisingly
light tone making Hotaru raise her head in surprise. "Don't worry
about it," Rei replied with a smile, as if it was nothing. "It's not
like I haven't been slapped before, and for a lot less than that! A
good slap can make you feel better, right?"
"I shouldn't have blamed you though," Hotaru insisted.
Rei sighed. Hotaru could be so serious and worried at times, but
she supposed it was only to be expected right now. "Why don't you
come up to the shrine? We can have some tea."
Hotaru seemed shocked at the offer, but it sparked a glint of
relief in her eyes. "You don't mind?"
"Why would I?" Rei responded, taking the girl's hand and marching
her up to the torii gate. "We're friends!"
Rei was glad to finally see Hotaru smile at that, and the girl
even flushed a little. Just a little. That made Rei smile. Just as it
was easy to tease her, Hotaru looked just as adorable when
embarrassed by praise or affection. Rei could see why Haruka was so
often flirty with the younger girls if that was the reaction she got.
Their friendship was not simply one of proximity though. Hotaru
had always tried to bridge the gap between 'Outer' and 'Inner' when
they were not fulfilling their duties as Senshi, and in Rei she had
found an unusual ally. They both had a power in common that set them
out from their peers at school: Rei's precognitive sight and Hotaru's
innate ability to heal. Where the others had little in common besides
the fact that they worked and socialised together, the two of them
had become firm friends because they knew was it was like to be
different to some degree.
"So," Rei said as she poured the tea, the two of them sitting in
the main room of the shrine, "do you want to talk about it?"
Hotaru looked down into her cup as it was handed to her. "I don't
know. It hurts a little, knowing that Haruka-papa cheated. Even if
there were reasons. I don't want to hate her, but it's mostly her
fault."
"Sometimes we do hate the people we love most," Rei replied,
"because we think they should know better."
Hotaru looked at her. "Do you think that way about Ami-san?"
Rei wondered about that, and why Hotaru had even thought of it.
She supposed it was a simple bit of symmetry - almost logical in some
respects. "No," she finally replied. "I don't think less of her. It
has changed how I see her, but not for the better or worse. We all
make our choices in love, knowing that we might get burned by them
later."
"Isn't this a little too much?" Hotaru asked despondently.
"Everyone is hurting now. I just want us to be a happy family again.
I'm sure Michiru-mama wants that too. Even of she doesn't know how."
"And Haruka-san?"
Hotaru closed her eyes. "She didn't come home last night."
Rei's heart went out to the girl. Her own parental situation had
rarely been ideal either, so she could imagine what Hotaru must have
been going through. "Hotaru-chan..."
"Maybe it's for the best though," Hotaru said, actually trying to
alleviate Rei's concern for her. "I was so angry at Haruka-papa. If
she had come home I would just have wanted her to go away. Now, I
just want her to come home after all."
"She will," Rei comforted, taking Hotaru's hands in her own.
"After all the time she spent trying to get back to you, she won't be
gone long. I bet she just needs time to think too."
***
"No. To be honest I'm glad of the space."
Usagi looked up from the cake she was icing so intently. "What?
Really?" she asked. She was intrigued, but at the same time she was
stepping carefully on the unsure ground.
"Is it that hard to believe?" Michiru replied simply. "I remember
you saying a similar thing when you threatened to move back home."
"Oh, that. I see." It made sense when it was put like that. "I
guess you really had a big fight. I'm sorry."
"Not a fight," Michiru corrected her, and she walked over and
began to help sculpt the icing. "It has just been... very awkward.
Especially around Hotaru."
"She's not here today either?"
Michiru shook her head. "No. It will do her good to get out of
the house, and away from us. I don't want to talk to Haruka about the
situation with Hotaru around. I would rather get any unpleasantness
over with before we involve her."
"I can understand that," Usagi replied. It was all such a shame.
"Do you know what you're going to do though? If it was me, I wouldn't
know."
Michiru smiled, but only on the surface. "No, I don't know. I
don't think I will until Haruka comes home. I know what I want, but I
don't know if I can deal with it if I'm allowed it."
Usagi didn't want to ask - it felt so personal, prying into
Michiru's private life - but her own worry won out over her unsteady
discretion. "So, what do you want? Surely that would be a good thing,
right?"
"I would like to think so," Michiru replied. "I want to get over
this, and go back to a time when I was all that Haruka needed. Well,
Hotaru and I were all she needed, and they were all I needed."
"But in reality," she sighed, "I don't even know if I can be
there for her now, knowing that Ami-san has lain in that place. And
knowing that Haruka received something from her that is more intimate
and binding than I could ever offer. Even if it wasn't intended.
Emotions are unreasonable like that sometimes."
Usagi nodded, deeply conflicted over how she should feel at that
point. After all the time they had spent helping each other over the
last months they had become very close friends, but she had to ask,
even though she didn't like the answer she was expecting to hear.
"Are you going to make her get rid of the baby?"
Michiru took a deep breath. "If I could, I just might. But I know
her too well to think that I could force her hand one way or the
other this time. She'll choose the right thing to do."
"So, you think she will anyway?" Usagi asked sadly as she
finished her icing. She didn't think that was very fair, but then it
wasn't her body, or her family, who would have to deal with the
consequences.
"Who knows what the right thing really is?" Michiru asked in
return. "Haruka is so much more complicated than she ever says. That
was part of why I liked her."
***
Evening had long since drawn in by the time Mamoru was finally
allowed out of work. True, the only pressure he had been under was
that his workmates and colleagues had all stayed late as well, but he
was grateful when his overly diligent conscience let him call it a
night.
He wished he had brought his bike. If anything he felt he was a
little out of shape, so he had taken to travelling by public
transport, which was giving him a good walk at either end of his
journey, but that night it meant that he was going to be very late
for dinner. Usagi had said she didn't mind on the phone, but even so
he thought it was a little unfair.
Not that he had much choice. The busses were still running a good
service, thankfully, so that was something, and at least he was not
stuck with the usual rush hour scrum. In fact walking through Juuban
park at the other end was positively peaceful. He could already smell
Usagi's cooking in the yellow-orange illumination of the park lights.
Actually, he could smell a rather nice beef noodle of some sort,
now that he thought about it. His stomach growled in anticipation,
but he paid it no mind and turned his thoughts outward, down the
path. On the bench, only a little way down, someone leaned back, his
head lolling over the back as the box of noodles sat in his smartly
dressed lap.
Mamoru was about to think nothing more of it, until he got a few
steps closer, and realised that the shirt this young 'man' wore
wasn't quite hanging right around 'his' chest.
"Haruka-san?"
Haruka lifted her head up and out of the shadows that fell behind
the bench. "Hey," she greeted, though hardly sounding enthusiastic.
"A little late for a walk isn't it?"
"A little late for dinner as well," Mamoru replied, looking at
the box of slowly cooling noodles.
Haruka looked down at them herself. "You want them? I thought I
was hungry, but..."
Mamoru shook his head, smiling slightly at the offer. "No thanks.
I have an experimental pasta to get home to. Do you mind if I sit?"
Haruka grew a similar smile, and shook her head. "Dumpling must
be getting more adventurous."
Mamoru took a seat, the pair of them sitting a casually safe
distance from one another. "Usagi told me what happened," he said,
after a moment's consideration.
Haruka let her head fall back again. "I thought as much."
"Everyone's worried about you."
Haruka cracked a wry smile. "Are you?"
"Should I be?" Mamoru countered.
Haruka didn't answer that. Not immediately anyway. "I don't know.
It's none of your business."
Mamoru frowned, suddenly slighted. "Yes it is, Tenoh-san. It's my
business because Usagi is going to do everything she can to be
involved in helping you out of this mess. And I'll do what I can to
help her do that. How you feel about me doesn't even enter into it."
"Hmmf," Haruka breathed. "You think you can solve all our
problems just by standing there, as usual."
"Or rather," Mamoru pointed out, annoyed, "you just don't want
help from a man."
Haruka glared at him. "Don't flatter yourself."
"Well," Mamoru said with a sigh, getting to his feet, "if you
would rather sit here and wallow in your problems, that's your
business." He decided to take a risk. "It's not as though they are
such hard problems to figure out."
Haruka's head shot up and she stared at him with unrestrained
anger. "W-what did you just say?! You don't know ANYTHING!!"
"True, but I probably know enough," he replied. "Usagi is very
well informed. You might be one of the major victims in all this
Haruka-san, but you hold all the cards. You just have to decide what
you want. What you *truly* want. After that everything will slot into
the places you have assigned."
"Do you even know what's going on!?" Haruka yelled, deeply
confused by Mamoru's psychobabble. "There is no way to fix this! What
I want doesn't even matter! I'm..." Her anger collapsed in on itself,
leaving Haruka slumped on the bench in hopelessness. "There is no
right choice. No matter what I do, everyone is going to end up hurt!"
"You've made decisions like that in the past," Mamoru reminded
her. "They might not have been 'right', but to you they were
*necessary*."
"I don't think I can do that any more. Not on my own."
Mamoru shook his head and sat back down, closer this time. A
comforting distance. "Since when have you ever been alone? Yes, you
are going to get hurt, so decide what you want. Who is more important
to you? What is more important? Who do you want to hurt *least*? What
are you *not* willing to sacrifice? You just have to decide what it
is you want."
Haruka was silent for a long time. "I can't make that kind of
choice when it's just about being selfish!"
"Then the person you are willing to hurt most is yourself. Given
the circumstances, that is also going to hurt everyone else even
more, even if you don't mean it to."
"But I can't have what I want!" Haruka exclaimed. "It's not
possible."
"But you do at least know what it is," Mamoru said, trying to
calm her. "Now you just have to decide how much of it you will allow
yourself. After all, if it really was impossible, you wouldn't be
entertaining the thought of it. We may not always get along, but I
know you that well, I think."
They sat in silence for a moment as Haruka digested that. "So
that's the man's perspective, is it?" Haruka asked, trying to be
confrontational and not succeeding very well.
"That's the perspective of the most objective outsider you have,"
Mamoru replied. "If you can't have the happiest ending, look for the
one that hurts you the least. No matter what you choose, even if it
ends up crushing them at first, the others will forgive you for it.
That's what they are like. Even Michiru-san, I would bet. They love
you too much to hold it against you."
"Well," he said, getting to his feet and letting his voice slip
back into a more casual tone, "that's enough of that for one night,
wouldn't you agree? I have a new and exciting dinner to get home to.
I hope you sleep well when you finally get there, Haruka-san.
Preferably not out here though."
Haruka nodded, and stirred her chopsticks around in her lukewarm
meal. It was time she started heading home too. "Tell Dumpling I'm
okay, Mamoru-san. We don't want the ladies worrying."
Mamoru nodded, smiling slightly. "I will."
***
Rei reached up to Makoto's cheek, playfully running her fingers
through the taller girl's hair. "I like it though," she said, wearing
the baubled hair band on her wrist. "You should let it down more."
"It gets tangled though," Makoto justified, running her own
fingers through Rei's hair as her girlfriend's head lay on her lap.
"Not all of us have such well behaved hair. I don't know how you do
it."
"Lots of tender loving care," Rei smiled cheekily. "You know, I
never thought your hair was this curly."
"Only because you keep wrapping it around your fingers." Makoto
wanted to get off the topic of her hair now. It was tickling her, and
giving Rei far too much leverage on her. "Why did we even start
talking about this?"
"Because I think you look good like this, and you're too stubborn
to accept my kind flattery!"
Makoto sighed, switching track. "Anyway, I'm glad Hotaru-chan
came. I know that upset you."
Rei's smile turned more gentle. "Yeah, well... She's a good kid.
Can I still call her a kid?"
"As long as she's not around," Makoto answered. "Now come on, get
off me. My legs are too long and they've gone to sleep!"
"Aww," Rei crooned, rolling over and letting Makoto stretch
herself out on the polished wood of the shrine floor. "Poor Makoto's
legs. You malign them too much."
Then, much to Makoto's pleasure, Rei began to massage those
tingling calves with long, practiced stokes. "Mako-chan, you shaved
today!"
"I shave every day!" Makoto replied, feigning some annoyance at
the accusation. "Well, almost. I don't have a choice if I want to
wear a skirt."
"Don't tell me you don't own any tights?"
Makoto nodded, telling the truth. "I haven't since... probably
high school. They kept tearing and after a while I just gave up
replacing them."
"Mmm," Rei said with a grin, "that means long socks for you!"
"Hey," Makoto said, lightly swatting at her before she grinned
herself, "none of that!"
She pulled her legs away from Rei's touch and leaned up onto her
knees, bringing her within reach of the teasing shrine maiden. "All
better," she whispered, before leaving a quick kiss on Rei's lips.
"Thanks."
"My pleasure," Rei winked, and Makoto kissed her again, this time
letting it linger.
"I like this tea," Makoto whispered, wrapping her arms around
Rei, and Rei blushed mightily.
"Don't say that when I haven't served you any!"
"Just a little bitter," Makoto prodded, taking the role of tease
this time, "but not too much."
Rei shivered in anticipation as Makoto kissed the lobe of the ear
that she whispered into. "Makoto..." She placed a kiss of her own,
long and affectionate, onto Makoto's arched neck.
"I love you," Makoto whispered.
Those words brought out that rich, velvet blossom in Rei's chest
again. She loved Makoto too, but she couldn't say it. The words
caught in her throat, ready to insinuate far more than she wanted.
Makoto's hands began to trace gently across her back and down her
right side, smoothing out her robes against her skin. It was
luxurious, Rei wanted nothing more than to let that touch closer to
her, but that touch also brought with it the slow, emerging crawl in
her stomach. As Makoto's next kiss landed gently and lovingly against
her cheek the crawling grew stronger, no longer contained beneath the
pleasant, romantic haze.
That conflict scared her. Somehow, she knew she was no longer
safe. Not safe from Makoto, but safe from... herself? It wasn't
Makoto's new, seductive touch, but her own reaction that made her
struggle.
"M-Makoto... Makoto, wait..."
Her hands pressed against the girl's shoulders, forcing them
away, but Makoto's thumb was already tracing the line of her robe
around her collar. The crawl grew at the intimate contact, and Rei
reacted. "Mako stop, please!"
She did. Rei looked up at Makoto's face and instantly felt guilty
for it. "I-I'm sorry," Rei said suddenly, beating her girlfriend to
the first word. "I just..."
Makoto looked as hurt as she felt, but worse was her confusion.
Hadn't Rei wanted that? Why was it always these sudden changes of
heart? "I don't get it. You were all over me before. I thought, you
know, you were ready for this. Why are you always giving these mixed
signals?!"
Rei was surprised to hear the growing anxiety in Makoto's voice.
"Mako, it's not like that..."
"Then how is it?!" Makoto countered. "Tell me. Tell me how it is.
I love you Rei, I mean it, but if you don't want to... If you don't
want *me*, then just tell me! If that's it, if it's because it's me,
then don't just humour me."
"No!" Rei called back as Makoto slowly got to her bare feet. "I
do love you! I proved that! I proved it in Seiji. I'm just not ready.
Not yet."
"But why?" Makoto asked, as if it was the most simple question in
the world.
Rei could only look up at Makoto's confused face. "I don't know,"
she replied honestly. "I wish I did, but I don't."
Makoto closed her eyes. "I'll... call you tomorrow."
Every instinct in her body told her to do otherwise, but Rei let
her go. Why was it only now, as her girlfriend walk away, that her
body wanted Makoto to be there with her unconditionally? What was
that supposed to mean? Rei knew she loved her, so why did Makoto's
intimacy make her so uncomfortable? She even liked it, she knew that.
It was just when that crawling inner conflict intruded... What was
that?
***
Ami watched with curiosity as she sat cross legged on the bed,
watching Makoto change. Her closest friend had always been
experimental with her clothing, even when compared to clothes horses
like Rei and Minako, and pyjamas seemed to be no exception. Aside
from the multi-coloured leathers that Makoto had become so attached
to Ami doubted if she had ever seen her in the same sleepwear more
than once.
And between them all they had had their fair share of slumber
parties and sleepovers.
That night it was comfort pyjamas, baggy and huge with yellow
stars dotted around the pale green fabric. It was actively cute on a
girl who must have been approaching five feet ten now, if she hadn't
already got there. Ami didn't doubt that those clothes had been in
the men's section when she had bought them, and Makoto had added the
stars herself to hide the fact.
"When did you buy those?" she asked, making conversation. "I
don't think I've seen them before."
Makoto looked around and shrugged, rather self conscious about
the faint blush of Ami's cheeks. It wasn't the first time they had
changed around each other after all. Not by a long shot. "They're
old, I don't wear them much. They look a bit, uh, childish now.
They're comfy though."
Ami nodded. "They still look good on you."
Makoto looked at her for a moment before shaking her head.
"Thanks." Once she had buttoned up the shirt she took her own cross
legged seat on the bed. "I mean thanks for coming over. I sort of
needed some company."
Ami agreed with that sentiment. "Thank you for allowing me here."
"You too?"
Ami nodded. "Mother found out about Haruka-san. And Michiru-san
and... the potential baby, and all of that."
Makoto swallowed hard. "About the Senshi?"
"No, not everything," Ami answered. "But I had to tell her about
Desir. I think she suspects that I'm a murderer too."
"What?! But you're not!"
Ami didn't seem too worried about it, when Makoto actually looked
properly. "Yes, I am. And I could see it in her eyes. I don't know
how, but she knows. That worried pity." Makoto could see the mist in
Ami's eyes as she said it. "I never wanted her to look at me like
that."
"Ami-chan," Makoto comforted, "we did what we had to do. Most of
us did a lot more damage than you did. And we all make mistakes."
"They weren't mistakes," Ami replied, simply, but with a sad
sigh. "It wasn't a mistake to be with Haruka, and it wasn't a mistake
to kill the people we killed. Mako-chan, it doesn't matter what you
dress it up as. I wanted that man dead, and, thanks to Rei-chan and
myself, he died. I've accepted that."
Makoto didn't believe that. Not if Ami's blue mood was anything
to go by. "Have you? Rei hasn't, she's just being strong. I don't
think Haruka-san's letting on how much her power affected her either.
Probably Minako-chan too."
"And you?" Ami asked, almost hopefully.
Makoto gave Ami a dry smile, hoping to lift her spirit. "I got
chucked out of school for getting caught fighting, remember? As long
as it's for you guys, I can live with it."
Ami smiled back and sighed, wiping her eyes. "It's that easy?"
"Nope," Makoto grinned, "but it sounds good!"
"Seriously Mako-chan!" Ami let out, exasperated but fighting her
own smile. "Seriously, how do you do it?"
"Easy," Makoto said. "They attacked us. They might have killed
us. There's all the ideology and morality behind it, but that's
enough for me. We had to be extreme, because we didn't have any
choice."
Ami absorbed that slowly. "And what about love? How do you deal
with that?"
That one knocked Makoto's happy mood down a little. "Uhh, badly,"
she quipped, though she thought it sounded rather lame for a joke. "I
don't think you want my advice there Ami-chan. Rei is the first one I
think I got right, and I might be screwing that up too."
It was only then that Ami remembered that it was Makoto who had
invited her over. Of course she needed to talk. "Why?" Ami asked,
switching easily into her supportive mentality.
"I got frustrated," Makoto answered, summing up her worries.
"Rei... You don't mind if I tell you this stuff, do you?"
"No, go ahead," Ami said, correctly guessing what to expect.
"It's okay."
"We were just lying around, and you've seen Rei like that. She
gets all touchy-feely, playing around. And I like that, it's cute and
kind of embarrassing, but in a good way. And we ended up making out,
and that was fine. We were both really into it. And then she just put
on the brakes, suddenly."
Ami gave her a gentle look. "Then maybe you are moving too fast
for her?"
"Maybe," Makoto supposed, "I mean I know she wants to take it
slowly, but all the signals she's giving out are fine. If she didn't
want to make out she could say so and that'd be okay, but she doesn't
say so. She didn't tell me to back off when I kissed her, and she was
getting into it too. It wasn't like I was suddenly going to strip her
naked and ravish her or anything."
"And it hurt," she finished. "I don't know what she wants from
me, and I can't trust the signals I'm getting from her."
"Mako-chan, I know this may sound cruel, and I don't mean to be,"
Ami said carefully, "but has she said that she loves you? Not just
replying when you told her the same?"
To her shame Makoto actually had to think about that. She
couldn't remember. It wasn't something she had actually kept track
of. But... "I think so. I'm sure she has." Then that one night came
back to her. The night that had rocked her world. "In Seiji. Just
before we came home, she..."
She blushed. "She did something that she said proved to herself
that she loved me. I didn't say anything that time. I was too
amazed."
Ami blushed hard as her mind made up for the missing images in
Makoto's story. "So you have made love with her then."
Makoto flushed to match her. "No! I mean, I want to, but we
haven't... It was just special."
Ami sighed, almost in disappointment, and nodded. "Then I think
you're doing well, even if you don't think so. Rei wouldn't say that
to you unless she meant it. I'm positive of that."
"So why all the mixed signals?"
Ami shook her head. "I don't know. That's something she will have
to tell you for herself."
Makoto nodded in resignation. "Yeah, I guess. What about you? Are
you holding up okay? I mean, with Haruka-san and everything, you have
a lot at stake now."
Ami didn't reply directly to that. "That's what my mother said."
"So she's okay with this?"
"No, but she says that she'll try and support me, whatever I
decide. If she can."
Makoto gave her a small smile. "That's good, right? And I'll
support you too, you know."
Ami sighed and gave another shake of her head. "I would rather
not have the support."
"What?" asked Makoto, confused. "Why?"
"I..." Ami said hesitantly, "Because I think I know what I want
now. If Haruka is really pregnant, I want to be with her. I want to
take responsibility, even if it's not our fault, because then we can
be together. But where does that leave everyone else? I like Michiru-
san and Hotaru-chan, but I still want Haruka for myself."
Makoto didn't have a comforting reply for that. "Ami-chan,
someone's going to get hurt, even if it's just you. And I bet that
would hurt Haruka-san too. So, whatever you decide, I will support
you. Even if you want to be the one that gets hurt."
Ami felt her eyes getting moist again at Makoto's unflinching
show of companionship. "Thank you, Mako-chan. But I don't think I can
choose. Not without knowing what Haruka wants."
***
"You know, I was wondering where you had run off to."
Luna sat down behind her white furred compatriot and partner,
watching him as he stared into the night sky. "We have a lot to do."
Artemis nodded, but felt strangely unmoved by her stoic voice.
"Don't you think you were a little too hard on them Luna? And then
running off like that?" He turned around and looked her in the eyes.
"For once I really don't know what you were thinking."
Luna remained unrepentant, but her voice did soften at Artemis'
chastisement. He was rarely confrontational with her, and this was
about as cross as he ever sounded. "We have to put up a strong front
Artemis. Believe me, it is not as though I enjoyed doing it."
"We always agreed that the girls should have as much freedom as
they can," Artemis countered, no longer with that edge in his voice,
but with a sad resignation. "Even Setsuna-san does, in her own
strange ways."
"I still believe that, Artemis." Luna said, padding up next to
him on the roof. "But we have so much to do, our girls included. They
have too much on their minds right now to see the big picture. I know
you can see that."
Artemis nodded reluctantly. "And what can we do about it? The
'Haruka situation' is out of our hands, and you've made sure that
Mako-chan isn't going to listen to us without wanting to be
rebellious."
Luna shook her head. "I will apologise to them when we are all
safe again. Right then, forcing the matter was all I could think of.
It will at least focus their minds on one problem at a time. I want
them to be happy, but we need them fit to fight, and at the moment
only Usagi-chan, Mamoru-kun, Minako-chan and Setsuna-san seem capable
of that. And you know how sympathetic Usagi-chan can be to our
enemies, which won't help given who we are up against."
Artemis nodded again. "The Dark Kingdom."
"If we can get our girls to sort out their private lives soon,
then it will be for the best."
"Even if it robs them of the chance to make the right choices?"
Luna gave him a rather lost looking smile. "Can any choice they
make be considered 'right' or 'wrong'? A girl's heart is not quite so
simple. Especially when the lines of friendship and love become
blurred."
Artemis returned that smile, but with a confidence that gave Luna
a little more strength. "Don't I know it!" he said, nuzzling against
her cheek.
Luna blushed slightly beneath her black fur. "Stop it. Anyway, we
need to fill in for our soldiers right now. Right?"
"I'm already working on my part," he replied. "Just let me know
what you're up to, instead of just running off next time. We're
fighting three different battles on three different fronts. I was
worried."
Luna acceded to that. "I didn't think of it that way, but I
suppose love makes for quite a battlefield at times. Especially right
now. That's why I would rather they didn't get involved with each
other this way. At least the scars caused by our enemies are only
skin deep."
"Exactly," Artemis said, "so be careful. I'd rather not have you
end up caught in the emotional crossfire again. Even if it was your
own fault last time."
Luna just looked out into the sky, as Artemis had been doing when
she found him. "I can live with being distrusted. Just as long as
they come out of this together."
Artemis shook his head, and followed Luna's gaze. "Yeesh. Give me
a youma to stare down any day."
"Don't tempt providence," Luna sighed. "We still have to find
them too you know."
***
At that same time, lit only by the Tokyo streetlights, a delivery
girl with no surname arrived back at her company's warehouse. She
doubted there was much call for ketchup deliveries at midnight, but
then she also doubted that anyone actually cared. At least she was
good at this job. The name tag on her red and white striped uniform
said Miyama, but once she had unloaded her scooter and stepped inside
that little plastic pin lost its purpose.
Myoshiya didn't need her disguise now, and let her arms unfold
from somewhere beneath her shirt. "I'm home," she called out into the
darkened warehouse, though it was something of a misnomer.
A flash of bright green sparks showered out from the darkness.
"Welcome back," came the soft, slightly nasal reply of her most
technically minded sister.
"Shivis, do you always have to work with the lights off?"
"Yes." Another shower of green sparks erupted out over Shivis'
vast, shadowed device. "It keeps my mind functioning at one hundred
percent."
"Well I can't see in the dark," Myoshiya replied, flicking on the
switch by the door. "I have presents though." She looked up at the
device. "It's... bigger again."
"Of course," Shivis replied as she crawled out from a hatch in
the vast shell of the contraption. "Did you think our trump card
would simply sit in my pocket? You said that we lack the power to
take this city from its defenders. This," she gestured with one
feather-lined arm, "will give us more power than you can imagine."
She gave Myoshiya a piercing smile. "My gate device was not
strong enough, but this time I will give us the planet!"
Myoshiya was impressed that such a quietly spoken woman could
sound so confident. "It still looks like a spiky turtle shell
though."
Shivis' smile faded, to be replaced with a twitch and a very long
suffering look. "Don't start, sister dear. I get enough of that from
Tyranya."
Then, from the catwalk above their heads, the aforementioned
devil replied. "You are brilliant Shivis, but you simply have no
taste!"
Shivis didn't even bother to look up. "Thank you, captain. You
really know how to make a girl feel appreciated."
Tyranya laughed, jumping over the rail to join them. "Don't pout
sister, it doesn't suit you. Now, I hear we have progress?"
"Yes captain," Myoshiya replied. She presented Tyranya with her
wire rack of ketchup bottles. "Maxill is doing well, despite her
loss."
Tyranya took one of the squeeze bottles and unscrewed the top.
Inside was the progress she was looking for. She up-ended the bottle
and out slipped the crystal, a roughly hexagonal oblong, slightly
pointed at each end. It glowed faintly, giving off a yellow-green
iridescence. No matter how many of them Tyranya saw, they still
seemed beautiful to her.
She handed the crystal to Shivis. "Another for your work." Then
she turned back to Myoshiya. "So how is Maxill faring now? I trust
sending Aretsuki to aid her is helping?"
"Somewhat," Myoshiya replied. "I think that the company is doing
her a great deal of good, but to lose a twin... She will not recover
so easily. She does not let out her anger."
"At this stage that is a benefit," Tyranya thought aloud. "Though
I suppose we must relieve her in time, so that she can grieve."
Myoshiya nodded. "But she is working well, and drawing a great
deal of energy. Enough to keep some in reserve for herself and
Aretsuki, and still send this much to you." She hefted the wire rack
again, and the seven other bottles that sat in it.
"And Kaizi?"
Myoshiya sighed. "She puts me to shame. Her plan, even if it is
so simple, has become huge. Perhaps not as vastly productive as
Maxill's, but she will never be found. It scares me how well she can
slip into the role of a human, and make that human so successful even
by their standards. I will collect her delivery tomorrow."
"Good work Myoshiya. We should have let you fill this role from
the start. You make for an excellent courier. You even learned to
pilot that human contraption."
The many limbed woman blushed and lowered her head at the praise.
"Thank you captain. I am only sorry that my first enterprise was such
a disaster."
"Not as much of one as you think, sister," Tyranya replied,
sounding pleased. "We have information on our only enemies now. We
know that we cannot best them in battle without help, especially
since they have multiplied. If five was enough to destroy our world,
how can we six hope to defeat ten of them? That is valuable
knowledge."
"And you say that they were conflicted during your escape. That
they have problems among themselves is another boon, which we must
exploit. Perhaps they have not found us because we have not seemed to
be too great a threat, and they have bigger problems of their own to
deal with."
She smiled widely, showing off her slender fangs. "With luck,
even if we cannot gather much information on them, their ignorance
and disinterest in us will be enough. When our machine is finished,
and we have enough sustenance for it to start up, nothing these
murderous girls do will be enough to slay even one more of us!"
"Don't forget, sister," Shivis added, "we need sustenance too."
She gave the crystal back to her captain. "We are doing well, after
all. We can afford not to be so frugal."
Tyranya looked at their reticent genius before nodding. Then she
brought the crystal to her thin, painted lips, and drank.
***
To Be Continued...
***
Please send any comments and constructive criticism to me.
They are always greatly appreciated, and there is no better reward
for a writer than to hear back from the readers.
Many thanks to Richard King for his proofreading assistance.
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