[September 2002] Minako arrived at Makoto's house just before noon. Normally, Mina would just have been getting dressed that early on a Saturday, but this was a special occasion. During the bus ride and subsequent walk, she would have had plenty of time to rehearse what she was going to say, but she had decided the night before to just play it by ear. Makoto probably wouldn't respond well to a prepared speech anyway. After Makoto and then Rei had left her and Usagi alone in the wake of Ami's videotape, Minako had simply sat, stunned. Usagi had wanted to chase down Makoto or Rei or both, to do something, but Mina had counseled her to let things lie for the time being. If one thing was clear after seeing that bombshell go off, it was that they all needed some time to themselves, Minako included. And so it was that an hour later, the young woman found herself in the park near the shrine, sitting on the swing set, idly drifting back and forth. She just couldn't be angry with Ami, no matter how hard she tried. As always, the genius had been absolutely right. Mina had known for some time about Mako's feelings towards her. As the last rays of sunlight dipped toward the horizon and Minako gazed into the long shadow in front of her, she realized why she'd never done anything about it. After so many disappointments with boys, after the realization that she herself had a crush on someone who had no interest in her, after watching the spotlight shift from Sailor V to Sailor Moon, it had been nice to have something to cling to, some proof that she was desirable, popular, important. The fact that she loved Kino Makoto like a sister somehow had convinced her that this was all right. Ami had been right about a lot of things. Minako was the senshi of love and none of the longings or heart's desires of her friends had remained hidden from her view. She chided herself for failing to fulfill her responsibilities to her team. Her job as leader of the inner senshi did not end at battlefield's edge. While Usagi would always bear the ultimate responsibility, Mina shared that burden when it came to their friends. None of them had the experience she did, in matters both martial and social. Fortunately, self-loathing did not sit well with Aino Minako. It was Sailor Mercury's job to identify and analyze threats. Well, with that videotape, she had done that. Now, it was Sailor Venus's job to take that information and come up with a game plan. Priority number one was to make sure that the bonds of love and friendship between all the senshi remained strong. --- "Come on in, it's open!" Makoto called. Minako strolled inside, placing her shoes by the door and heading for the kitchen where she knew she would inevitably find Makoto. "I brought some soda and some chips," Mina announced, placing a plastic bag on the counter. Makoto flashed a quick smile. Though she hadn't promised anything more extravagant than "lunch", the brunette had been up for hours preparing things. She told herself that she was seizing the opportunity to work on some things she had learned at the culinary academy. Part of her even believed it. "Thanks! I hope you brought your appetite, too. I have exams coming up, so I wanted to practice some things." Makoto waved vaguely toward the array of simmering pots and plates already filled with various delights. "I skipped breakfast!" Minako cheerfully informed her friend, neglecting to mention that she had slept through it. "Good, you can go wash up and just sit on down in the dining room. I'll bring out the first round." Makoto herded Mina through the doors with her as she carried a tray of appetizers to the table. Lunch went quite well. Just as Makoto had planned, her constant barrage of new dishes kept Minako's mouth occupied and delayed the inevitable. Eventually, though, they reached the point where no one, except perhaps Usagi, could have continued feasting. As Makoto poured tea, Minako relocated to the living room sofa. "That was wonderful, as always, Mako-chan," she told her hostess as the latter sat in the chair across from her. "I'm sure you'll ace all of your exams!" "I hope so," Makoto admitted. "It can be kind of tough, but I love my classes. I wish I had more time to work with my plants, but I'm really enjoying the school." Minako smiled encouragingly and then took a deep breath. "Mako- chan, I think you know why I'm here." 'And so it begins,' Makoto commented ruefully to herself. She nodded curtly. "I guess I should start off by apologizing to you," Mina began. "Ami was right. I have known for awhile now how you felt about me. It was selfish of me to let you feel that way, without saying anything to you about it." Before Makoto could interrupt, Mina plowed ahead. "Please, let me get this out. I want you to know how very much I love you and how much I cherish your friendship. I don't know why I don't feel the same way about you that you feel about me. Trust me, I've thought about that a lot over the past week or two. It is nothing to do with you. You're a beautiful, loving, incredible woman." Makoto blushed, a small smile touching the corners of her lips. "Thank you, Mina-chan," she said quietly. "Can I say something now?" Somewhat stunned by the demure, almost submissive request, Minako gestured to Makoto that she should go ahead. "You're right, Mina-chan, I did have a crush on you. In some ways, you're everything that I've always hoped to be." Makoto paused briefly. "When I was watching that tape, I could feel myself getting angrier and angrier. At first, I was mad because Ami had left without saying goodbye. Then, it was because she seemed to have something to say to everyone but me. When she.. told me what she told me.. it made me angrier still. By the end, I just couldn't stand it anymore. How could she say those things without the willingness to back them up in person?" Minako opened her mouth to reply, but Makoto forestalled that with a raised hand. "No, don't. Nothing you can say will ever convince me that it was right to do what she did the way she did it. But finally, just a day or two ago, I realized that that wasn't what had made me so mad." Seeing Minako's obvious confusion, Makoto chuckled. "I know, it was confusing to me, too. Please, bear with me. You see, when I transferred to Juban, I made a promise to myself. I told myself that I was going to keep my head down, that I wasn't going to make waves like I had in my past school, getting into fights, calling students and teachers out on things when they deserved it. I wasn't going to do any of that. I decided to play things safe. "With all the risks and dangers that I faced as Sailor Jupiter, I soon found myself relishing the relative safety of my 'normal' life. All I wanted was for things to stay the same. I had friends that I loved more than anything, I had a mission, I was even doing passably in school, thanks to Ami. Playing things safe became a habit. "I think that's why I always found myself attracted to these guys who were unattainable. When a stranger swept me off my feet at a dance, it was safe to moon over him, because I knew deep down that I'd probably never see him again. I don't know what I would have done if he'd turned out to be normal, and interested. Being fascinated with any guy was always safe for me, cause I've known for a long time now that I'm mostly attracted to women." It was Minako's turn to laugh. "Do you think it's something in those transformation wands? I mean, they told us in Sociology that the percentages are closer to 1 in 10, not 4 for 5." Makoto grinned, visibly relaxing as the light of friendship illuminated the dark things which had lurked for so long unseen inside of her. "Maybe so! We'll have to ask Luna about that. It's a shame Ami isn't here. I'm sure she could tell us." Mako's smile faded suddenly. "I miss her a lot, you know. More than I might have guessed. The little bluebird must have wormed her way deeper into my life than I'd realized." "We're all tied together, Mako-chan. It might not be the red cord, but we're tied together nonetheless. I'm sorry, please finish what you were saying." "Well, I think there's only so long you can fool yourself. I guess what I've realized is that having a crush on you wasn't much different than having one on Motoki or even Haruka. Even someone as dim as me could see that you were totally interested in Rei." "Is it that obvious?" Minako asked, sweat beading on her brow. "Yup!" Makoto informed her happily. "At least, to everyone but Rei, I guess. Have you talked to her yet?" Minako frowned, "No, I haven't. I guess I was hoping that she'd talk to me first, you know?" Makoto nodded sympathetically and reached out to pat her friend's knee. "She will, Mina-chan, she will. Ami's seen to that." A quick laugh, and Makoto continued. "Anyway, like I was saying, I think it was just easier to have a crush on you. That was safe." "So, you didn't have a crush on me then?" Minako tried, unsuccessfully, to keep the disappointment out of her voice, which brought another warm laugh from her friend. "No, I wouldn't say that. The crush was real enough. It's just that now I see it for what it was. It was my way of making sure that nothing ever changed. As long as I was thinking about you, and you were thinking about Rei, things would just keep on going the way they always had and I'd have all of you here in my life and I'd be safe. I guess Ami got tired of 'safe' though, and when she left, it all came down like a house of cards." "Nothing has come down at all, Mako-chan!" Minako declared emphatically. "I agree with you about her means, but I think Ami's done us all a favor. We do have duties and responsibilities that we will need to face. I don't know much about what will happen with Crystal Tokyo and all, but I can imagine it will be a lot of hard work. At the moment, I don't know that I'd have any idea of where to start, and I'm pretty sure Usagi would say the same thing." "I know, you're right. That's why I've been able to stop being mad." "Even with Ami?" "Even with Ami, though she owes me big-time," Makoto pointed out with a dangerous grin. "So, what about Ami? Did you know about the way she felt?" "I think I've known for awhile. I wonder if I didn't figure it out about the same time that I decided that I was in love with you," Makoto admitted. "I don't know what else to think, though. She's gone and I miss her more than I'd have ever imagined. I never knew how much I took her for granted." Both girls sighed sadly, sharing a moment of silence in honor of the friend they missed so very much. "What are you going to do now, Mako-chan?" Minako finally asked. "I don't know but I do think it's time to stop playing things safe. Are you angry with me, Mina-chan?" "Why would I be angry with you?" "Well, 'cause I think I'm over you?" Even as she said it, Makoto realized how silly that sounded. Minako laughed heartily. "You're a very silly girl, Mako-chan! Of course, I'm not angry." Standing up, Minako moved over to Makoto's chair and pulled her to her feet. Embracing her tightly, she added, "I'm not good at 'angry', Mako-chan. That's what we have you and Rei for. I just wanted to make sure you were ok and I think it's safe to say that you are, or will be." "'Will be', I think," Makoto whispered. "Thank you, Mina-chan. I hope everything works out with Rei. I think you two would be really cute together." "I think so, too," Minako giggled. "You don't seriously think I'd ever date someone who didn't look good with me, do you? Just kidding! I think I'd better get going. Sorry I can't stay and help clean up." Makoto shrugged, reluctantly releasing her hold on her friend. "That's ok, I'm used to it. I'll IM you later, k?" "You'd better!" Minako demanded. "And, do me a favor?" "Anything, V-girl!" "Drop Ami a line and let her know you're not mad at her anymore? I'm not sure what you two can sort out with an ocean between you, but she really loves you, Mako-chan. I know these things and that's no crush. She'll wait for you forever, I think. If you're not going to be interested, well, I think she deserves to know that." Makoto sighed heavily. "I know, Mina-chan. I'll write to her. Truthfully, though, how can I tell her what I feel or don't feel, when I don't know myself." "Well, just tell her that much then," Minako advised. "I think we've all gotten a little too complacent, too used to assuming things instead of discussing them. That's not going to happen again on my watch!" Makoto fired off a smart salute, receiving a stuck-out tongue in return. Soon, Minako was safely on her way and even the massive pile of dirty dishes couldn't remove the light smile from Makoto's face. ----------------- Stepping off of the bus at the bottom of the hill, Minako looked up toward the shrine that had become a second home to her. With a deep breath and an expression of resolve, she set out toward the top. The first stage of her mission was complete. It was time for the second. In the inner chambers of the shrine, Rei looked up suddenly from her meditation. Gazing into the sacred flame, she refocused her mind on the world without. 'Mina's coming,' she whispered to herself. As she passed through the white archway, Minako waved to Rei, wondering briefly why the miko always seemed to be waiting outside whenever anyone visited. "Hey Rei-chan! I was just passing by and thought I'd drop in." Rei smiled wistfully. "I can guess why you're here, Mina-chan. I should have invited you myself." She gestured for Mina to accompany her and headed inside to the sitting room. "Can I offer you some tea, or maybe something to eat?" Laying a hand on her bulging tummy, Minako frowned. "I just had lunch at Makoto's. I couldn't eat another bite!" Rei simply laughed, knowing all to well the amount of food a stressed Makoto was capable of producing. "I'm sorry I didn't come see you myself," Rei said, getting straight to the point. "I've been trying to figure out what to say." She grinned awkwardly. "Been there, done that," Minako laughed, trying to put Rei at ease. Using the mental discipline gained through years of difficult battles, Minako managed to ignore the way the sunlight fluttered against Rei's dark hair. "Oh really?" Rei asked, raising an eyebrow pointedly. "I take it you had 'the talk' with Makoto." "'The talk'?" "Don't play coy with me, Mina-chan, you know what I'm talking about. Usagi was here yesterday to give me 'the talk.'" Rei laughed ruefully. "Oh, that," Minako teased. "Yeah, we had 'the talk' over lunch just now. I guess Usagi and Ami are the lucky ones." "How so?" "Well," Minako explained, "since they're at the ends of the 'love chain', they only have to do this once. You and I are in the middle, so we get to experience it from both ends. A whole new meaning to 'love chain encircle', huh?" Rei's laughter glittered silver in the warmth of the room. "I hadn't thought of it like that, Mina-chan. I guess you're right." "We don't have to, you know," Mina offered, suddenly quiet and shy, "I'll understand. I think I already know what I need to know." Instead of replying immediately, Rei paused. The act of writing to Ami had forced her to confront a lot of things and had inspired certain important decisions. Her feelings toward Minako, however, remained muddled no matter how hard she tried to pin them down. She had hoped that sorting things out with Usagi might bring clarity, but somehow it hadn't. Rei took the time to really look at her friend, for the first time in a long time. How odd that you could spend time with someone just about every day of your life for years on end, and yet never actually see them. To the casual observer the most immediate item of interest might have been the similarities between Minako and Usagi: the perfect complexion, the long golden tresses, the bright eyes, the impossibly long legs. Rei, however, was anything but a casual observer. As Minako waited patiently, if not nervously, for her friend to respond, Rei took her in fully, using all of her senses. It was the differences that fascinated Rei. Where an innocent naivete glimmered in Usagi's eyes, Minako's harbored the kind of wisdom only gained through painful experience. Both Usagi and Minako radiated a profound sense of duty and responsibility, but in different ways somehow. It occurred to Rei that maybe she didn't really know Minako at all, that maybe no one did. She smiled gently as she realized that something deep inside her wanted nothing more than to rectify that. "How can you know, Mina-chan, when even I don't know?" Rei asked cryptically, before shifting gears. "How did it go with Makoto?" It took Minako a moment or two to catch up. Somehow all of her certainty was draining away and she felt herself losing control of the situation. She was startled by the sense of relief she felt at that. "She's over me," the blonde announced in a voice somewhere between happy and mildly disappointed. Rei nodded, "Good, I'm glad." She didn't ask any more. She could talk to Makoto, would talk to Makoto, later. It wouldn't be right to hear about it from someone else, even Minako herself. "Rei-chan, we've all been very bad about talking to each other lately, well until very recently I guess. Ami forced our hands, but she shouldn't have had to. I'm as much to blame for that as anyone, and I wanted to apologize." "I'm sorry, too, Mina-chan. That's the problem with secrets. They fester." Rei sighed and turned to look out the doorway at the wind blowing through the trees. "Eventually, they burrow so deep, that you find that you are keeping secrets from yourself." Minako recorded the image of Rei's profile in her mind, filing it with all the others she had collected over the years. She wished some of that wind would come into the room and sweep Rei's hair back off of her neck and shoulders, but wind wasn't Mina's metier. "Rei-chan, I also wanted you to know that, well, I don't want things to be strange between us now. I can't change how I feel, but I can deal." The brief look of disappointment that flashed across Rei's face took Minako by surprise; so much so that she couldn't be quite sure she'd seen it in the first place. "I've made some decisions," Rei announced. "You'll be the first to know, other than Grandpa." "Ooookaaay," Mina replied, befuddled at yet another odd twist to this conversation. "I think Ami was right. We all need more experience. I think I've done everything I can do as a miko." Rei turned back to meet Minako's eyes. "I've asked my father to help me find a certain kind of position, and for once in my life he's come through for me. Next week, I'm starting work with the World Health Organization. I'm going to work in their Child and Adolescent Health Division. After some training in Switzerland, I think I'll probably end up in Africa somewhere." Minako gaped at Rei, unsure what to say in response to this. Before she could formulate a coherent reply, Rei continued. "My heart has been closed for a long time, Mina-chan. I think maybe it started when we were fighting Mamoru's little flowery boyfriend, when Usagi died. It hurt so much, Mina-chan, and even when she came back, it still hurt, because I knew then how much I loved her and also that I could never ever have her. I've thought about it and decided that I need to give something to the world, not as Sailor Mars, but as Hino Rei. I think that's the key to finding out how to feel again. "I didn't come to talk to you because I didn't know what to say. How could I tell you I don't return your feelings when I don't even know what feelings I have, for anyone, or if I even have any any more. I can't lie to you, Mina-chan, and pretend that I could never think of you that way. Right now, it would be so easy to take you into my arms, but that wouldn't be fair to either of us. You deserve more than to be a 'rebound chick'. I love you too much for that." "So, what does that mean, Rei-chan? You're going to leave me and you can't even give me enough to know whether I should move on or wait?" Minako asked through tears she didn't even notice. Rei's eyes flashed, also filling with tears, "I can't tell you what I don't know and I can't lie to you, Mina-chan! I won't ask you to wait for me, but I can't tell you that I don't hope you will, because I do." "You do?" Minako's voice was a whisper, quivering with raw emotion. "I do," Rei replied in a gentle tone, dropping her gaze to the floor. "I do." As Rei lifted her head, she could see a new light in Minako's eyes: hope, mingled with amazement. "You'll do a lot of good for a lot of people, Rei-chan, I just know it. And when you do come back, I'll be here. Even if things change, nothing will ever stop us from being friends, and I will always love you." Both women stood, coming together into a warm embrace. Each closed her eyes against the tears falling. Minako desperately tried to absorb every sensation as Rei clung to her, not knowing how long it might be until she had this chance again. With Minako pressed against her, Rei let go of the reins she usually clasped rigidly within herself. Her body tingled as the awareness of Minako's proximity permeated her being. Emotionally, she was soon overwhelmed by something that was new to her. She felt loved, and it was a nice feeling. In that moment, the dark clouds that had always obscured her sense of her own future parted. Rei knew she'd be back to Tokyo, and not simply to serve its future Queen.
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