[September 2002] To: amizuno@stanford.edu From: bunnymoon@hotmail.com Subject: Hi! ----- Hey Ami! I hope your having fun in America. I miss you sooooo much! (T__T) Things here are fine. I'm not doing as well in my classes without you to help me study but I made Mamo-chan promise to help me instead! (*^_^*) Please don't be sad that no one has written to you. They are all doing good and miss you too! I think that Mako-chan is still a little mad but you know how she can be sometimes. I really think you did do the right thing and I think everyone else knows that too. I feel bad that I didnt do something sooner cause I'm the princess so I feel like its my responsability. I am going to talk to Rei-chan. I promise. Please dont stay away from us too long and please remember to bring me lots of neat American things when you return like a cowboy hat maybe. Will write more soon, love Usagi! (^_-) -------------------------------- To: bunnymoon@hotmail.com From: amizuno@stanford.edu Subject: Re: Hi! ----- Usagi-chan, I can't tell you how happy I was to hear from you. Ever since I left, I have felt horrible inside worrying about what kind of trouble I may have caused with my videotape. I still think I did the right thing, but I also know I may have hurt all of you and that makes me so sad. I am glad to hear that you are going to talk to Rei soon. I know you will say the right things to her. You are really wonderful at that kind of thing. Things here are going very well. My course load is a little bit lighter than I am used to, so I have found time to do lots of extra activities. Many of the exchange students simply hang out together and don't bother to make friends with the American students, but I have tried to avoid doing that. I joined the computer club and the chess club and there are a couple other social clubs that I may join. San Francisco is a beautiful city, though it is not as close to campus as I originally thought. You would be proud of me because I am making a special effort not to spend all of my time studying, but to go out and make new friends. Of course, no one can ever compare to you or the other girls and I miss you all so very much. Please give my best to everyone, especially you-know-who. All my love! Ami (^_^) -------------------------------------------- Dear Ami-chan, I hope you don't mind that I'm writing to you in the old- fashioned way, but I don't have easy access to e-mail and I wouldn't use it anyway for anything of importance. Usagi told us all that you were doing well. I don't think anyone doubted that you would. I'm glad and I'm very happy for you. Let me be direct. Part of me is still very angry with you. You left us, Ami-chan. You dropped an explosive into our sanctuary and fled the country. I know why you did it. I may even agree that it needed to be done, but part of me still thinks that the way you did it was just wrong. We could have sorted these things out together, the way we've always dealt with crises. I suppose, though, that that was the whole point of your leaving, to get us to do things differently from the ways we'd always done them. It may surprise you to learn (but probably not) that that is the part of your message that hit closest to home for me. Truthfully, I'd never really noticed Minako's feelings for me. Yes, I'd noted some of her behavior around me, but I'd shut that part of myself away for so long that it was completely numb. I don't even know if I still love Usagi the way I did back then. It took me so long to figure out that the strong emotion she brought out in me was love, and then so much longer to come to terms with the fact that she never would, never could, return that love in the way I wished. I just went cold inside. It is so easy to pretend, Ami-chan. You see a pretty boy; you go ga-ga over him, sigh heavily; and then you get on with your life. No need to ever look inside or consider your feelings. Maybe I did know about how Minako felt, just like you said maybe Usagi knew about how I felt. The problem for me is that I'm not sure I'm capable of feeling anything anymore. After your video ended, I left the room and went outside. I found myself in a quiet corner of the garden, sitting on a bench. I knew then that you were right, that something had to change. I've always wanted to be a career woman, to travel the world, but I've also always loved my work in the shrine, helping others. I think I know now what I need to do. I miss you, you know. I miss having you here. My life has been out of balance ever since you left. Grandpa doesn't want me to go, but he understands too. You can't grow without change. I guess I should thank you for helping me see that. I don't know what the others are going to do. I know Makoto was very angry. People think that I have a lot of anger inside me, and I have some, but hers goes much deeper I think. You know as well as I, though, that she is one of the most loving and caring people in the world. You hurt her, but she'll come to understand as I have and I hope she'll forgive you, too. I think we've all hurt each other, though none of us ever meant to. Maybe that's all necessary too. Usagi is coming over later today. I can guess why. I can visualize almost exactly what she will say, how she will say it. I know it will break my heart and I also know that somehow, at the end of it, she will make me feel better about everything and leave me with the hope to move forward. How could I have been expected not to love someone like that? I'm just surprised the rest of you don't as well. Maybe you all do. I suppose I owe Minako the same courtesy, but I don't know what I can say to her. Like I said, I think I knew, but I didn't know at the same time. I haven't had time to figure out how I feel. It's all too much. Maybe I owe it to her not to speak with her until I have something coherent to say. I do love her. In a lot of ways, she is very similar to Usagi, but without all of the annoying habits. *smile* Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I love you, Ami-chan. I look forward to the day we meet again, no matter how distant that day may be. When things settle out, I will write to you again to let you know how to stay in touch with me. Rei --------------------------------- YngIdolV: Hey M-c, been a while since you've been online! Thndrgrl: yeah YngIdolV: so.... Thndrgrl: so what? YngIdolV: what's up with you, gf? still mad??? Thndrgrl: no, not really... sometimes YngIdolV: you busy this weekend? Thndrgrl: no, why??? YngIdolV: maybe we can have lunch? I think we need to talk FTF Thndrgrl: i guess so. i'm sorry mina-chan. YngIdolV: why?????? don't be silly!!! (^_^) YngIdolV: if anything, I should be sorry... Thndrgrl: No reason for you to be sorry. i should have said something i was too scared i guess. YngIdolV: its ok mako-chan... we'll talk about it together on Saturday, k? Thndrgrl: k YngIdolV: so, still mad at ami? usagi got an email from her Thndrgrl: i know. she showed me. no, not mad.. maybe a little... i'm still trying to figure things out. YngIdolV: we all are, m-c... we all are... gotta get to class.. c u on sat? Thndrgrl: i'll be here.. i'll make us lunch YngIdolV: yummmy!!!!! (^_^) c u then! bye! Thndrgrl: cya!
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