Deep Into That Darkness Peering
"DAMN YOU, NYANKO!"
Crow leaned back against the door of her suite, having barely been
able to reach her rooms and shut the door behind her before giving in to
the anger. It was not that she cared whether Nyanko heard her, but she
couldn't risk a confrontation. At this point, only her long-cherished
self-control was preventing her from throttling that mangy feline. She
knew that the slightest provocation would send her over the edge.
The two of them had never gotten along well, but in the last
several days, that relationship had degraded to one step shy of open
combat. Even if not for her part in Siren's death, Tin Nyanko could
never have come within a kilometer of friendship with Crow. Her
sniveling, servile demeanor, low cunning, and cowardice that shamed even
Crow's would have tried the patience of a saint. And Crow was no saint.
Their confrontations had begun the day after Siren's murder.
Nyanko, ever in pursuit of Galaxia's good will, had made a honey-tipped,
condescending offer to work with Crow to find the star seeds. Crow had
no intention of working with her, except under direct order. She soon
found opportunity to put Nyanko on notice that her new objective was not
to find the star seeds, but to defeat her.
That defeat would not come in clean battle, of course. Nyanko was
still under Galaxia's protection, and Crow did not yet have the courage
to defy the queen, much less to rebel against her directly. With two of
the four parties responsible for Siren's death therefore effectively
untouchable, Crow was left with one target for direct vengeance. The
fourth did not need to be destroyed; she would be punished much more
effectively by continuing to live.
Thus she found herself facing Earth's sailor senshi in open melee.
But the battle had barely been joined when the dastardly Nyanko
appeared, attacking Sailor Moon from behind. Small matter that she was
still alive, that one of her friends had taken the hit instead; this was
Crow's personal vendetta, and any interference was unforgivable. She
would not accept a victory that way. She had to leave, until she could
once again face her foes alone.
Yet the interference was not limited only to the mission. Even
Crow's personal life felt the taint of Nyanko, as was shown so amply
today.
Siren had long been a fan of an idol producer named Moroboshi
Takuya. When Crow learned that he would be a judge in a contest near
the office she maintained on Earth, she felt that it would be a
wonderful opportunity to get a picture and an autograph. Of course,
Siren could no longer enjoy such a gift, but she would have appreciated
the gesture. Thus, in her guise as Karasuma Akane, Crow had managed to
secure a position as another of the judges at the contest. She should
have realized that Nyanko would have followed.
By the time Crow found herself on the floor, bound and gagged, it
was too late to prevent Nyanko's machinations. She had thought that the
producer was a target, and attacked him accordingly. The damage was
already done once Crow had managed to escape. No autograph for
Karasuma, no gift for Siren. Boiling with rage, she prepared to give
Nyanko exactly what she deserved.
But she couldn't do it. Once again, fear held her back. She still
could not bring herself to reveal the strength of her feelings for
Siren. And so, swallowing her true anger, she pretended as though she
was only angry that her target had been pre-empted, a story readily
accepted by the self-serving Nyanko. They returned home, and Nyanko
walked off, blissfully unaware of the hatred seething in her coworker.
Crow made her way back to her apartment and shut the door, only then
giving voice to her frustration.
Which brought her back to the present. After several long days of
work, she had nothing to show for it. She had failed to find a true
star seed. She had failed to achieve her vengeance. She had even
failed to procure a gift in Siren's memory. And even if she had
accomplished all that, she would still be no closer to what she really
wanted. Her life was a level of hell not even Dante had imagined, and
it was all Nyanko's fault.
No, she told herself wearily. It wasn't Nyanko's fault. It was
her own. Yes, Nyanko was a bitch, she always had been. But she was
really no worse now than she had been before. It was Crow who had
changed. Nothing had been the same in her life, not since that night
when she and Siren had shared their first and only kiss.
That night had brought the first taste of joy to Crow's dismal
existence. And it had also begun the guilt that was even now
threatening to consume her. How quickly her life had been taken over by
the woman she had once scorned. And how quickly that life had been
taken away. Now, here she remained, an empty shell, with nobody to turn
to in her despair. Nobody but one. She tilted her head back and raised
her eyes. For the first time in all her long existence, Crow began to
pray.
"God? I . . . I don't know if you're there. I don't even know if
you exist. But now, you're my only hope.
"You put Siren into my life. It was a gift I never appreciated
until it was too late. I squandered her friendship, I denied any chance
at love. And after what I did to her, well, I understand if you don't
care about me. I know I sure don't.
"But I don't understand why you let her die. She was the nice one;
if anyone deserves to live, it's her. Is losing her my punishment for
the things I've done? No, I can't believe that you would do that.
"I love her, Lord. I never loved anybody before. I've only known
how to hate. But now . . . now she's gone. I'll never be able to tell
her how I feel, how much she means to me. Please, if you care about me
at all, let her know that I love her!"
Crow closed her eyes and breathed deeply, feeling as two tears
traced twin paths down her cheeks. She stood like that for a few
minutes before she spoke again.
"I remember one time long ago," she began softly, "when Siren and I
were eating some pastries after a successful mission. I reached down
for another one, and almost bumped hands with her. There was only one
left. She looked at me, smiled, and pushed the plate over to me. That
was the first time anyone had ever given me anything without my having
to fight for it. I didn't know what to do. I had never felt like that
before. I didn't even say 'Thank you.'"
Crow opened her eyes. "That's exactly how so much of my life with
Siren has been. I never thanked her for her friendship, or for the
things she did for me. I never thanked you for putting her in my life.
I never even realized the blessing I had until it was gone.
"And now I'm alone again. It's just me, fighting for Galaxia's
goals. Once we're done here, we'll move on to the next planet, if there
are even any left. It'll be the same thing there. Just me, destroying
people. Just me, alone. And I--I . . .
"Oh, God!" she exclaimed, her voice cracking, "I don't want to live
without Siren! With her, I could have been happy, if only I hadn't been
too blind to see. Without her . . .
"I would do anything if I could have her back. I know that's
impossible. She's dead, and with her my only chance at happiness. But
if I can't be with her, then . . . " Tears streamed down Crow's face as
she choked on her words, unable to give voice to her final, horrible
request.
"If I can't be with her . . . " she began again. But still she
could not bring herself to say the words. After struggling for several
moments, she fell to her knees, head bowed in anguish.
"Help me, Lord," she said with no voice. "Help me. I'm too scared
to live. I'm too scared to die. I don't know what to do without Siren.
"My life used to be so simple. Galaxia gave me an order, and I
obeyed. I can't do that any more. She killed the only person I loved.
I can't keep following her. But what can I do? I can't fight her.
"Please, Lord, give me strength! Help me to stop Galaxia before
she destroys another life! No one should have to die like Siren did.
No one should have to lose someone like that. I only wish that I could
have done something about it in time for Siren to live."
For the final time, Crow raised her eyes toward heaven. "God,
please. If you can hear me, if you care at all, give me some sort of
sign that she's okay. Please tell me that she's happy!"
Nothing but silence greeted this desperate plea. Crow's shoulders
slumped in ultimate defeat.
Part V
Quoth the Raven
Crow still did not know what to do. The morning had brought no
answers, no divine revelation. Unwilling to visit Siren's apartment
where so much hurt had begun, she instead sought solace at Siren's desk,
surrounded by memories of a blessing she didn't deserve.
A desk calendar, a candy dish appropriately full of salt-water
taffy, everything was so perfect, so normal. There was nothing to
indicate the suffering that the desk's mistress had endured, nothing to
show that she might not come back. A pencil holder. A teacup, still
half full. A photograph.
Crow picked up the framed picture. It was a shot of herself and
Siren, during an early mission on Earth. Siren, noticing a sidewalk
photographer, had eagerly dragged her reluctant partner over to get this
souvenir. Once again, Crow felt the warmth begin deep inside her, as
she realized how much her partner had cared for her. "What would you
think of me now, Siren?" she asked silently. Hastily she set the
picture down before the thought could make her start crying again.
A notepad, a potpourri holder, and . . . Carefully, almost
reverently, Crow picked up Siren's diary. In here would be her
innermost thoughts, her most secret wishes. Gently, Crow opened the
diary and began to turn the pages. She scanned some of the entries,
finding Siren's casual description of their failed missions, her lively
tales of their friendship. Skipping over much of the book, she turned
to the final entry, unable to stop herself, dreading to find bitter
words lamenting her betrayal.
But it was no painful tale of love lost that greeted her. Instead
of the condemnation she had expected, or the absolution she had craved,
she found an Answer.
This may be my last entry. Once again, I failed to
obtain the star seed for Galaxia. I have already failed in
too many missions. Even with Crow-san's help, I could not
do what was needed.
But if I am given another chance, I will be able to
capture the star seeds. What nobody knows, what they will
probably never believe, is that I have found the holders of
the true star seeds.
It seems obvious in retrospect. The star seeds are held
by the sailor senshi of Earth. How else would they have
the power to oppose us? And now, I know the identities of
the sailor senshi. They will not be able to hide from me.
Indeed, I trapped them quite nicely in my last attempt.
Well, okay. I didn't actually know that most of them
were sailor senshi. I only intended to trap Sailor Moon,
but in the process, I discovered the identities of the
rest. Only their sheer numbers prevented me from defeating
them this time. I will not make that mistake again.
Sailor Moon's real name is Tsukino Usagi, a student at
Juuban High School. Her close friends are also sailor
senshi. The Sailor Starlights, the strong warriors who
eluded us once before, are the idols known as the Three
Lights. To think that I never realized who they were. I
even got their autographs at a concert two weeks ago.
Yet they are not as important as Sailor Moon. Hers is
the brightest star seed, the one Galaxia has been seeking
for so long. Without it, the queen can never achieve total
dominion. With it, who knows what might be possible?
It might even have the power to save my partner.
Crow could not remember having sat down, but when she finally
looked up from the diary, she was in the chair at Siren's desk. She
gave it little thought. Siren's words about the power of the brightest
star seed burned in her mind. This was her answer.
"Ah, Siren," she murmured. "You knew all along that I was the one
who really needed help. But there is no help for me any more. What I
do today, I do for you."
She had one weapon in her arsenal which she had never used. Now
was the time. Win or lose, this would be her final gambit. She had a
plan; all that was left was to put it into play. Today, somehow,
whatever else happened, someone would die.
She could not bring herself to care who.
* * *
It was Nyanko who had appeared before Galaxia this time. She had
been in the middle of a typically craven excuse when Crow appeared and
informed them that she had found the star seeds. Nyanko was suitably
upset, and would undoubtedly follow Crow on this final mission. She
would appear to take the star seeds herself, and Crow would make certain
that she was killed in the battle. Galaxia might be too powerful to
defeat, but Crow could at least deprive her of a useful tool.
That was merely incidental, however. The true target was Sailor
Moon's star seed. Its light could accomplish almost anything. Except
to bring Siren back. Even if it had that power, Crow did not know how
to use it. Only Galaxia knew how to wield that power, and she needed
that greatest star seed to accomplish her goal.
Which was why Crow would destroy it.
Now five sailor senshi stood before her. The others had rushed
quickly to Sailor Moon's aid when Crow attacked her. Crow hesitated,
struck by their obvious friendship. Memories of her time with Siren,
the pain of her loss, cascaded through her. If she did this thing,
someone else would suffer as she had. But Sailor Moon was one of the
people responsible for Siren's death. Crow could never forgive that.
If her death could help to prevent Galaxia's victory, then Crow would
show no mercy. She raised her whip.
Crow's strength surprised even herself. All her sorrows, all her
frustrations, everything she had endured in these horrible weeks was
focused in her attack. Her assault was brutal and ruthless and
unrelenting, the five warriors powerless before her fury. In a
shockingly brief time, they lay scattered on the ground, wholly
defeated.
The battle was not over yet. Before Crow could finish them off,
the Sailor Starlights arrived. Powerful Crow might be, but she knew
she was no match for them in direct combat.
No matter. She had come prepared for this. In her possession was
a weapon to which not even Galaxia could lay claim. A black hole:
tenuously contained within its crystalline capsule, it posed as great a
threat to its wielder as it could to any target. Once, Crow might have
cared.
She had read her enemy correctly. Faced with this threat, Sailor
Moon willingly sacrificed herself to save her comrades. As this most
beautiful of all star seeds came into view, Crow felt a shudder of
triumph. She had done it. However little, she had managed to strike
back at Galaxia. Perhaps her luck was beginning to change.
But she had reckoned without treachery.
As the blast hit her, as she felt the blinding pain rush through
her body, she realized her mistake. Pointless to look to see who had
assailed her; Earth's sailor senshi were too honorable, and Galaxia had
no need for such subterfuge. Only Sailor Tin Nyanko, surpassing even
Crow's low expectations, would attack thusly, so desperate was she for
Galaxia's favor.
And there was the final blow. Nyanko would take the star seed back
to Galaxia, and all would be lost. The queen would have everything she
desired, and no love would be safe. Somehow, Crow had to find a way to
stop her from gaining this treasure.
Crow let the capsule drop. The crystal shattered on the ground,
and the black hole, freed of its confines, eagerly stretched out to take
all it could into its greedy maw. Sailor Moon and her star seed would
be no more. Galaxia would never win.
But Crow, weakened by the attack, would not be able to escape.
As the black hole overcame her, she whispered her lover's name.
"Maybe now," she thought, "maybe now we can be together." A solitary
tear escaped as the darkness engulfed her.
"Siren . . . "
Part VI
From Out That Shadow
Rich and full with the spring rains, the soft grass formed as snug
a carpet as a body could desire; its sweet fragrance speaking of peace
and beautiful daydreams. The friendly rays of the sun stretched down
their caressing fingers, their warmth bringing light and life to the
land. From far off came the joyous, halcyon songs of birds, welcoming
the new day. A soft breeze, redolent with wildflowers and a hint of the
sea, floated across the land, soothing the mind, and playfully tickling
the face of a still figure that lay on the hillside.
Crow breathed slowly and deeply, absorbing the sensations, finding
within herself a measure of peace. A pleasant warmth suffused through
her body, recalling memories of pleasant times shared. She could have
wept for the beauty around her, beauty she had yet even to view.
Perhaps her last deeds had redeemed her, she thought. Surely this place
could be nowhere but heaven.
Did heaven have rocks?
Rolling onto her side, Crow reached beneath her to remove the stone
that had been digging a hole in her spine. Tossing it aside, she rolled
back, took a last joyous breath, and opened her eyes. Slowly, she
brought into focus a figure that hovered a short distance away, and
found herself staring into the face of Galaxia.
Crow leapt to her feet. Scanning the ground, she realized that she
no longer had her whip. Biting back a curse, she lifted her hands that
were her only weapons, and prepared to battle her enemy to the death.
Galaxia smiled. In her smile, a stunned Crow found neither malice
nor mockery, but compassion and understanding. Only then did Crow
notice the changes in Galaxia's raiment. Long, unbound hair draped
across her shoulders; her gown flowed about her in gentle curves. She
wore no token of command; no brooch nor bracelet adorned her. Her
voice, melodious as that of the birds, sought to soothe fears, rather
than sow them.
"You have no reason to be afraid of me any longer, my dear," she
said. "The Galaxia you knew is no more. Sailor Moon's light has saved
me, and enabled me to throw off the darkness that had possessed me for
so long. Now, as she has helped me, so I have tried to help you."
Cautiously, Crow lowered her arms. She wanted desperately to trust
this person, but she had spent so much of her life hating and fearing
Galaxia, she could not bring herself to let her guard down. If she
relaxed her vigil, another love might die.
Galaxia seemed to discern her thoughts; for, although her radiance
did not diminish, her face grew somber and contrite. "I cannot reverse
that which I have done. Even at my height, I had not that ability.
Directly or indirectly, you all died by my hands. Your deaths cannot be
erased. But, with the power of your star seeds, I was able to restore
your lives."
Crow clutched her hand to her chest. The star seed! At last she
recognized the gentle glow, the warmth that had seemed so achingly
familiar. Long ago, their star seeds had been taken, and they had been
forced into servitude for Galaxia. But now, they were whole once again.
They were free.
Galaxia went on. "Your home planets are no more. That, too,
cannot be reversed. But here is a new world on which you all may dwell,
where you may build your lives afresh."
Finally Crow heard the plural. Looking about her, she saw Mouse
and Nyanko, bewildered yet eager expressions on their faces, raptly
listening to Galaxia. But one was yet missing.
"Siren," Crow whispered, her voice rising to a shriek as she could
not find the one she longed to see. "SIREN!!"
"Here," a weak voice responded from behind her. "I'm . . . over
here."
Crow span about. As she watched, spellbound, Siren bent down to
brush dirt off her legs, than straightened and smiled sheepishly at
Crow. "I tripped," she explained simply. Tears flooding her eyes, Crow
could not help but laugh.
Blurry though the world was, Crow would always remember the details
of that moment with perfect clarity. The sun seemed to shine brighter,
the flowers to smell sweeter, as she rushed forward to the woman she
loved. And then they were in each other's arms, laughing and crying and
holding on for dear life, and their lips finally met.
And Crow's life was wonderful.
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