Nameless Here, For Evermore
The summons had come as expected. "Sailor Aluminum Siren and
Sailor Lead Crow are required to attend Her Majesty the Highness Galaxia
in the throne room ten minutes hence." Crow, having fallen at last into
only the most fitful of sleep, readily abandoned her tortured repose and
dressed quickly for their audience with the queen. Now she stood alone
in the royal antechamber, waiting for her partner to arrive, hoping for
and dreading the opportunity to talk to Siren.
The few words she had managed to frame fled her mind the instant
she saw her partner. Siren's face was haggard, her skin pale. It was
obvious that on the eve of this, the most important of days, she had not
slept a bit.
Crow knew she had to say something. "Listen, Siren, I--"
Siren turned to her with a hard stare that froze her in place.
Caught in the power of that dreadful gaze, Crow could not even blink as
she waited, stricken, for Siren to speak.
When she did, it was with a voice both clearer and colder than any
Crow had ever heard her use. "I will find the star seeds, Crow-san,"
she said quietly, her frozen voice slicing through her partner like a
swordthrust.
She turned away then, as the heavy bronze doors opened to admit the
duo. Crow watched despairingly as her partner entered into the queen's
horrible presence. Finally coming back to herself, she hastily
straightened her shoulders and composed her features. Her footsteps
trembled only slightly as she followed Siren's path.
It would not do to keep Galaxia waiting.
* * *
Crow stood silently in the throne room. Siren had given the same
promise to Galaxia, vowing that her plan was a perfect one. As the time
Siren had named approached, the queen had ordered Crow to stand near
her, both awaiting the outcome of her partner's final attempt. How many
minutes or hours had passed since, Crow could not say. While under
Galaxia's watchful gaze, she could not even give in to anxiety and pace.
The enforced stillness had stretched her nerves until she felt she might
snap at the slightest pressure.
Then abruptly Siren was there. The promised star seed was not.
Siren said that there were simply too many opponents. Crow
desperately urged her to apologize; maybe the queen would believe that
she was close to accomplishing her mission, and give her one more
chance. But Siren refused. She saw no reason to apologize for
something which was not her fault.
Suddenly, a voice Crow had long since learned to despise spoke from
behind them, suggesting to Galaxia that Siren might be lying. Siren
insisted that she had seen the true seed. Galaxia did not believe her.
As terror flooded her body, Crow watched the events unfolding
slowly around her. Galaxia leveled her gaze on Siren, her eyes
narrowing, glittering red, a sight that had been known to send mighty
emperors cowering like children. Slowly, inexorably, her hand lifted.
That hand, unconcealed by vain cosmetics, unblemished by scars of
battle, held power enough to shatter mountains. Now, its power was
directed at one person.
Siren's arms, moving seemingly of their own free will, gradually
drew together. The expression on Siren's face, the fear in her sea-blue
eyes, showed that only now did she truly grasp her predicament. At some
point, Crow's hands had found their way to Siren's wrists, as Crow found
herself trying somehow to prevent the fate she knew was imminent. But
her hands, moving so sluggishly, were powerless to act.
Siren's green and gold bracelets began to shimmer, then to glow,
and finally to shine brighter than the day itself. With a final surge
of brilliance, the bracelets disappeared. Siren's form faded into
nothingness.
In less time than it took her to draw breath, Crow watched as the
lives of two people were destroyed.
And she could do nothing but bow to the queen who held dominion
over them all.
* * *
"I'm so glad you're here, Crow-san." Siren set a plate of cookies
down and smiled happily. "It's always wonderful having you around. I'm
so proud that you're my partner. Let's stay together, always."
Crow watched, unable to intervene, as her own hand stretched out
and struck her partner across the face.
Then Galaxia was there. Siren stepped forward and stood in front
of her, head bowed. Galaxia's eyes glowed, their power illuminating the
dark room, turning it the color of blood. She raised her hand and
pointed it toward Siren. As Crow watched, Siren's bracelets vanished.
Her pale hair was writhing like a snake, her soft hands curling into
talons, fangs growing from her mouth. And then Galaxia was turning to
Crow, and her finger was pointing, and Crow was falling, and Siren was
on her, screaming and snarling at her former partner, as her claws
plunged into Crow's heart.
Crow lurched upright. Her face dripping with sweat, she sat for
several seconds, gasping for breath. "A dream," she whispered. "It was
a dream."
But she knew that the worst of it was real. Siren was gone, dead
by Galaxia's hand. That was a nightmare from which she could never
wake.
Fighting off the despair, knowing it would avail her not at all,
Crow swung her legs over the side of her bed and rose to her feet.
Pausing only to wrap a robe around herself to stave off the chill, she
walked to her small kitchen, needing help to calm her frayed nerves.
With trembling hands, she poured a few measures of wine into a pot,
adding a mixture of spices she always kept for just this purpose. She
stood over the pot as it warmed, breathing deeply, savoring the fragrant
steam, feeling her muscles gradually relax. After it had simmered for
several minutes, she poured herself a cup of the mulled wine and drained
it at a gulp. Pouring a second cup, she carried it over to her table
and sat down. She shivered slightly as she felt the chill of the wood
even through her robe.
Taking a long swallow, she set the cup down on the table. She
heaved a deep sigh, bowed her head, and shut her eyes. For several
minutes she sat like that, then suddenly spoke into the surrounding
silence.
"Siren, can I talk to you?" She chuckled grimly. "Well, I guess
it can't be the other way around, can it? But I hope you're there to
listen. Somewhere." Opening her eyes, she stared listlessly at her
hands where they held the winecup.
"I never really valued our friendship, did I? But I know that if I
had ever come to you in the middle of the night, wanting to talk, you
would have listened for as long as I needed. To everyone else, I'm
nothing but one of Galaxia's soldiers. I have a job to do. As long as
I do it, that's all that matters. I don't even exist outside of that.
"You never felt that way. You liked me, you wanted me to be
around. I actually felt like a real person when I was with you. It's
too bad I never returned the favor. Maybe I've been a fighter for too
long, and I've forgotten how to be a friend. Or maybe I was just too
scared of caring about someone.
"I'm a coward, did you know that, Siren? No, you probably didn't.
Everyone thinks of me as the powerful warrior, the one who never knows
fear. Well, that's all a lie."
Crow shook her head miserably. "The truth is, I'm not brave at
all. Sure, I'm not afraid in battle. How could I be? I only fight
opponents I know I can beat. I never fight a battle I might lose. Look
at me! I can't even stand up to Galaxia now that she's destroyed my
life again!"
She paused, confused. "'Again'? What happened? Did Galaxia do
something to me before this? Why can't I remember?" Crow closed her
eyes again, holding her head in her hands.
After several seconds, she lifted her head once more. Giving a
resigned sigh, she smiled wryly. "Here we go again. I've been doing
this a lot lately. There's something I can't quite remember. It's
always just out of my reach, and it only seems to come when I'm thinking
about you. I can never hang on to it, however hard I try. If I'm
actually trying, that is. I don't know if I can't remember, or if I'm
too scared to let myself remember. There's no telling what it might
lead to.
"I never told you this, but I always admired you. I think that was
one of the things that annoyed me so much. There's never been anyone
else who I haven't either loathed or feared. But I really admired you.
Even though you never took anything seriously, you actually had courage.
The courage that I always wanted.
"Even knowing how strong she was, you weren't afraid of Galaxia,
and you always went your own way despite what she might do to you. And
then, last night, you kissed me. You could have been rejected,
denounced, shunned. But you still had the courage to follow your heart.
"I was too scared to admit that I might have any sort of feelings
for another woman, especially someone I thought I hated. I was afraid
of what the others might think, afraid of my own emotions. And now,
because I couldn't risk anything, I've lost the only thing that really
mattered to me!"
Crow's fingers clenched around the stem of the winecup, and tears
dripped from her eyes to soak into the tablecloth. "I love you, Siren.
I should have loved you when you were alive. I did love you, but I
should have told you. I . . . I'm so confused. I don't know what to
think any more. Everything I thought I knew is being turned around.
"I just know I love you. I think you loved me. Maybe, if you knew
how I felt, things would have turned out differently. I just hope you
didn't die thinking I hated you.
"And please, Siren, please--don't hate me!"
With that, Crow finally gave way to the tears. Long she sat with
her head on the table, grieving for the love she had denied herself,
until she at last succumbed to the merciful oblivion of sleep.
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