Mistletoes (part 6 of 8)

a Sailor Moon fanfiction by MysticMew

Back to Part 5
Chapter Six: Dealing

(Minako)
The door caved in and finally was flung out of the frame under the 
powerful kick I had delivered. Carefully we slipped into the room and 
looked around. There was not much to look at. The interior was 
thoroughly cleaned out, the kitchen looked like it hadn't been used 
in days and the bedroom wasn't any different. No human soul occupied 
the shady apartment in the poorer districts of Tokyo.
	My dark-haired partner came from investing the balcony and 
shook her head. Completely clad in black and with similar sunglasses 
nobody would have recognized her, let alone see her in the 
dark. "Nothing?" I asked, hoping against hope that there was at least 
the tiniest bit of a trail. Hotaru repeated the headshake and I 
sighed heavily. Taking away the red mask I cleaned the glasses in 
frustration - not that they needed it, mind you.
	"That was the last one?" Hotaru briefly touched my arm before 
answering. "Hai. I can track a few sources out of town but... I doubt 
we have the time and capacity. They never stay long in one place." 
They being Hamutsei Kobin and Mamata Tsuta, in the "scene" only known 
as Black and Ivy. It had come to somewhat of a shock to me that 
Hotaru not only worked as a part-time bouncer in the part but that 
that actually was a cover for her other... job.
	As it seemed my girlfriend had become quite the heck of a 
hacker. I had to admit after sometimes working with Ami she had the 
basics down pretty quickly but now... Well, she did all sorts of 
assignments but never tended to get personally involved. Black and 
Ivy had been her last employees and as with anyone before she had 
researched them of course, which now came in handy.
	"I would chase them to Alaska if necessary but you're right. 
Christmas is in two days and the party is more important for Usagi 
when those two." Hotaru nodded quietly and slipped one arm around my 
waist. "I know..." We stood in the middle of the apartment for awhile 
in silence. It had been frustrating. The two rapists were nowhere to 
be found. We had searched every location for three nights straight 
now with no luck at all. By now I wanted to smash anything very badly 
and it was only Hotaru's company and the necessity to be there for 
Hotaru and her healing process that held me from snapping.
	Ever since learning the identities of Usagi's assailants I 
had taken part of the blame onto myself. Not only to relieve the 
other two but also because I felt the tiniest bit responsible for 
allowing them to get away this night. It pained me to think that 
Hotaru and I had mated at the same time while sweet Usagi was 
stripped of another part of her innocence. I REALLY wanted to kill 
something... preferably someone.
	Moving to the balcony I stood there for awhile, letting the 
cold breeze of early morning blow through my hair. At this moment I 
was glad that we had used Lunar Pen and the Mikazu Mirror for our 
investigations. The magic not only provided more fitting clothes for 
this time of the year but also an extra layer of protection - without 
our powers we Inners would probably had been frozen solid before 
reaching D-Point in our first battle.
	Finally I freed my hand from Hotaru's. "Go home. I still have 
something to do." She frowned a little but I pulled out a paper and 
she simply nodded. "I wanted to solve this personally demo... Oh 
well. I have some people who still owe me a favor." Hotaru briefly 
stood on her toes and gave me a short kiss. "Be back soon." I smiled 
faintly and jumped out into the night's air and the first bit of snow 
that winter had brought to Tokyo.
	Hotaru was holding up a strong front, I knew that. Inwardly 
she wasn't much better than Usagi with the old wounds made fresh 
again through Usagi's experiences. She had never really allowed 
herself to grief or really stomach the two most awful moments of her 
life. Neither the slaughter nor her own... rape. I could not help but 
shudder every time I thought about it. We had carefully avoided the 
topic but with the bond that was beginning to form between us, I 
sometimes got flashes and those were enough already. And the 
nightmares... Now that Hotaru had allowed herself to feel again, her 
sleep often was troubled and sometimes I didn't get much on my own, 
trying to soothe the girl and watching over her.
	Our own still fragile relationship had surprisingly not so 
much suffered. No, the opposite seemed to be the case. There still 
was a huge gap of trust between us, fueled by our individual pasts 
and problems but hunting for Usagi's maulers had given us a common 
goal which had brought us closer. I had learned about Hotaru's other 
activities and she had helped me to make a clean cut to my 
own... "job". It would be a long time before any of us would ever 
feel completely comfortable again but at the moment we needed each 
other and more than depended on that need to strengthen our bond.
	Usagi though... I looked down at the paper as memories from 
three days ago came back.

It was late afternoon when I returned to the Tsukino-ke. Hotaru had 
just let me in on her mildly disturbing secret of a hacker career... 
Mildly because everything paled in comparison to the latest events. 
We had made some plans and sorted out places to look for Usagi's 
assailants which we would seek out tonight. Neither of us wanted to 
tell or get our Princess involved with it but... We were talking 
about human crime here and as much as I wanted them dead, I had 
worked for the police once when I was a teenager and part of their 
philosophy was still there. If possible I would like to avoid getting 
outside help on this, unfortunately life not always went like it 
should.
	Getting a somewhat distant greeting from Ikuko - the woman 
was obviously trying to put on a mask of being unworried. She was 
miserably failing in the task. Usagi didn't want her family to know, 
yet, and I respected this. What I said to the older woman this 
morning was probably true after all. She didn't need a mother all 
worried over her, Usagi needed support. This much Hotaru had made 
clear. No fussing or sweet words but friends who still accepted her 
as she was... or... had been. Young, innocent, carefree. It would be 
a long road for her, indeed.
	Entering her room, I saw Usagi seated in the chair on the 
desk and writing something, there was a huge pile of... well, all 
sorts of things. Folders, newspapers and the like. She didn't look up 
when I entered or was startled when I looked over her shoulder. The 
connection seemed to be stronger than ever, even with the new level 
Hotaru and I had now.
	"Hey," I greeted, forcing a cheerful tone into my 
voice. "What are you doing there?" Usagi put some papers away. "I'm 
looking for something to do in the new year. Maybe I'm taking some 
evening semesters also." She sat back and the intense look that had 
covered her face a few moments ago faded quickly. "I just... needed 
something to do. Just sitting around alone in the room and doing 
nothing is kind of frustrating."
	I nodded and sat down on the edge of the bed. I knew she 
didn't want to really talk about THAT but I couldn't contain my own 
worry very well. "How are you holding up?" The other blonde closed 
her eyes briefly and my trained eyes noticed just the tiniest bit of 
a shudder. "It's... difficult. When I have something to do, I can 
forget about it but... If I just sit or lie around..." I reached out 
and took her hand in mine. "We still need to get shopping for that 
party you know?" Immediately her head perked up and I could see the 
tiniest bit of a sparkle in these distant blue eyes. "Does that mean 
you're both coming?" I squeezed her hand and nodded.
	I hated to spoil the mood but needed to get this done with. 
So I reached into my pocket and pulled out the printed chart that 
Hotaru had given me from the two criminals. As I handed it to Usagi, 
I had to actually jump up and steady her. The sight was 
heartbreaking, seeing my Princess and best friend spasm and jerk from 
the sight of the two... THINGS that had violated her. I closed my 
eyes briefly, rocking the other girl gently in my arms. "Gomen nasei, 
Usagi-chan. Hotaru had the information about those two. I still have 
some friends with the police who might be able to help us." At the 
panicked look on her face, I quickly added: "Discrete of course. That 
is why I need you to sign this and confirm that those two are..." I 
didn't finish the sentence but it wasn't necessary.
	After some time Usagi had calmed down enough to quickly take 
a pen and with shaking hands put her name under the paper. This would 
be enough though. At times like this I was glad I had been working 
with the police temporally. We sat down on the bed to talk for awhile 
about the upcoming party which relaxed Usagi immensely. Plans were 
made about what to buy and the question was raised, if we should 
invite some of our other... friends. Which mostly would be Naru and 
Umino since Motoki had followed Reika to Europe a few years ago. We 
finally agreed that this party should be just for us. Something 
special, something for good memories. We could all need this. Maybe 
New Year we could make something bigger.
	"So," Usagi asked after some time, looking at me out of the 
corner of her eye, "are you and Hotaru doing alright? I mean, I 
didn't..." Quickly I cut her off, thinking that she was going into 
one of her self-blame moods again. "No, Usagi. We told you..."
	"You're being generous. Minako. I can tell that I didn't make 
things better with... this." She looked away and I mutely followed 
her gesture by gazing out of the window. A lot of thoughts were 
swirling around in my head. And maybe it was one of the worst things 
to ask in this situation but... I needed to know. And Hotaru had said 
to treat her like the person and not the victim. "What exactly was it 
like? Last night, I mean. Hotaru won't tell me, I know."
	I could hear a sharp intake of breath and after that a period 
of silence. I waited patiently, not sure if Usagi was merely 
considering the right choice of words or answering at all. I wouldn't 
blame her if she denied the latter. "It's hard to tell. Before last 
night I was so full of hatred and blame directed at me. I thought 
that I was unworthy to even be considered a human being because... 
Why would that have happened to me otherwise. I let the others die, I 
let them use me and they used me because..."
	I wanted to interrupt but resisted the urge. Perhaps the 
other girl actually needed to talk about it. "... because I didn't 
deserve better. I can not really describe how it feels. It's like 
being in a great void where nothing else exists than the pain you 
think you have to receive, that has to be dealt out because you were 
bad, you let your friends die and so on..." Another pause and I had 
subconsciously reached out for her hand as I noticed.
	Usagi looked down on my palm atop hers but didn't 
comment. "Then Hotaru did all those things it just became too much. I 
wanted her to stop because the pain was too intense but at the same 
time a part of me still resist to simply fight back. I think I could 
have, at every point, even when those two..." She didn't finish the 
sentence but again that wasn't necessary. "I lacked the mental 
strength though. I didn't have the will to fight back because I 
blamed... and still blame myself partly for the deaths of the others. 
However, Hotaru knew exactly where to hurt me, to get this small part 
to rebel."
	After another short pause she repeated the words my 
girlfriend had spoken to her. I had a hard time resisting the urge to 
cringe... "After that everything just snapped. You know like a switch 
that lets something move in one or the other direction. Wham, just 
like that. Everything I felt before was simply reversed and except 
blaming myself, I pushed that blame away and reflected it on everyone 
else. She... took it all for awhile. But unlike me before Hotaru was 
still able to control herself. From there on it was pretty much an 
even challenge. A challenge that somehow changed everything..."
	"And you realized that there is not always the easy way of 
either taking the blame or giving it someone else. That the world 
isn't all black and white but all shades of gray. And that your pain, 
the loss of our friends and everything else is no exception," I 
finished for her and Usagi quietly nodded.
	The seconds ticked by before I suddenly chuckled into the 
silence and Usagi looked at me sharply. "I have to give it to her," I 
managed to get out. "That girl always has to do everything her way. 
Pretty extreme, I must say." I lifted her hand with mine and enfolded 
it with the other.
	I stopped her before she could say something. "Nay, I'm not 
mad at you... It is true that there still is a lot between me and 
Hotaru that has to heal. But I could never hate the two of you, you 
both are much too precious to me. You too, Usagi. My Princess." With 
that I lifted her hand to my lips and on impulse put a soft kiss on 
her palm.
	"I have to get back home. See you later!" With that I jumped 
up and rushed out of the room. Looking over my shoulder I saw her 
still looking down stupefied on her hand. Yay me, I still got it.

	I didn't really understand what had happened that moment. But 
there had been several more of this awkward ones... Even going as far 
as a few tender kisses that I had always put off as nothing more but 
comfort. Hotaru admitted though that she also felt somewhat different 
around Usagi. However, she never told me anything else.
	Looking back up at the large building ahead of me, I 
concentrated back on the task at hand. Doubling my speed, I raced 
towards Tokyo Police Headquarters which would soon start their work 
early in the morning as I knew from experience. It was time to see an 
old... friend.

(???)
It was a hard time being a police officer these days. Criminal 
activity had risen in the last six years since "The Night of Dread" 
as the press had rather lamely titled what only few really knew was 
the end of the famous Sailor Senshi save three. I had been undeniable 
happy when Minako had called some weeks afterwards and let me know 
that she was still alive. Contact had been held briefly after she 
left police since her time in England, after that last call I hadn't 
heard from her again personally.
	I sighed at the melancholic thoughts and took a large sip 
from my coffee. The chief was pushing us again. Tokyo had become 
rather gloomy and I wished the old days back when Youma roamed the 
city and took the majority of the crime activity for themselves. 
Criminals would mostly stay away because they didn't want to be a 
unintended target to the myth that was the Sailor Senshi. Work had 
been slow in these days. There hadn't been any Youma sightings in six 
years.
	"Kami," I muttered, flipping open the folder of new cases my 
secretary had handed me, "what is it with me this morning. I sound 
like the chief." Setting to work, I banished the lingering thoughts 
from my mind and got a quarter hour of studying a new case, when I 
heard a knock. "What is it?" I groaned. There was no answer and with 
a groan I stood up to head to the door and see who was playing tricks 
on me. In the mid-movement I stopped, frozen, when my eyes had 
determined that it hadn't been a knock on the door but on the window 
instead. Perched on the sill outside was the distinct figure of one 
Sailor V.
	I blinked, making sure that the early hour wasn't playing 
tricks on me but surely enough she was still there. A lot older when 
the thirteen year-old I remembered but her nonetheless. Left in a 
dazed state, I walked over to the window and let her in. She dropped 
to the ground without making a sound but shivered a little, probably 
from the cold air outside.
	"Honestly, Wakagi-kun, is this your way of treating old 
friends? Letting them freeze outside your window?" Her verbal jab 
kind of went past me, as I numbly returned to my desk. V had taken 
off her mask and went with one hand through her hair to soothe 
it. "Minako," I regarded her with a nod, not really sure what else to 
do. "What brings you here after... What has it been? Six years? Eight 
years?" She smiled faintly. "Well... I was busy."
	Without further words she pulled a piece of paper out of 
nowhere. "I need you to do me a favor." Curiously I picked the quite 
detailed chart up - refraining from asking where she got such 
information - about two criminals on the hot list of several secret 
services nonetheless. My eyes widened and then narrowed to slits 
while reading through the verification for rape, completely with 
autograph. There was one thing among all policemen that could get 
more disgust out of you when a bloody murder. And that was rape. 
Minako long ago had given me charts and I knew the name Tsukino Usagi 
very well. Raping was bad enough but doing it to a Princess by 
heritage...
	"Can this be arranged? We went through all the locations 
my... associate knew they could be. It appears they left town." I 
pursed my lip my briefly. Those two were not only countrywide but 
almost worldwide searched criminals, I was sure arrangements could be 
made very quickly. "It will be done," I replied, my voice hardening 
noticeable. Minako gave a short nod. There was a brief silence in 
which our eyes met and both of us knew what the other thought. If one 
of found them personally before anyone else not even misuse of power 
would save them a fate in a prison. No, if one of us found them, they 
would never even make it there.

	Half an hour later Minako had left. We had agreed to keep us 
updated regularly if either we or her... associate had found any 
leads. Now I stood in front of the chief's office, chart and a folder 
of information from Interpol records in one hand. After a firm knock 
I entered the room.
	Sakurada Natsuna looked up from her computer screen. Seeing 
the serious look on my face, she turned around to face me. "What can 
I do for you, Officer Wakagi?" I put down the folder and chart on the 
table. "I need my current cases to be reassigned. That was just 
dropped in by an old... 'friend' of ours." The chief reached out to 
study the chart and briefly flip through the folder. I had of course 
held her updated about what Minako had given me on the information 
and Sakurada Natsuna was not the police chief for nothing. She had a 
very sharp mind and the fact that this was related to her favorite V-
sama...
	"Consider your cases to be reassigned." I smiled grimly. "Oh 
and, Wakagi," she called out while I turned to leave. "We will work 
on this together."

(Hotaru)
It was around ten in the morning when we met up with Usagi in 
Shinjuku. The blonde greeted us rather cheerfully, obviously excited 
to do some shopping. Seeing her like that was like salve for the 
soul. Of course the smile was somewhat forced but it was her job of 
trying to suppress any kind of depression. All in all she did much 
better than I had done all this years back. If I had had the help she 
got... Fact is I probably was just to scared to ask for it. Even if 
they hadn't fully understood. I should have known that they would 
never leave me alone. Done was done though and maybe now after even 
more emotional trauma we could finally move on.
	"Well, well. Looks like someone is eager to raid the mall," 
Minako declared as Usagi came literally skipping over to us. I was a 
little bit surprised as the other blonde swung her arms around us in 
a brief embrace. There was that feeling of safety again... The 
feeling of belonging. For that brief moment it was so strong, we all 
sighed quietly when Usagi let go, all of us pretended to ignore that 
they noticed anything.
	"I'm just glad that you guys are here." And this really 
seemed to be important for her. I had taken a long time to not snap 
when someone invaded my personal space, let alone touch me. It was a 
simple defense reaction from my subconsciousness but was hard to 
prevent if you weren't in total control. Usagi didn't seem to share 
this problems but Ikuko had let it slip that she wouldn't go out 
without any of us either. I doubt she would have survived a shopping 
trip without our company.
	For about an hour we looked around in the various shops, 
filling bags with decorations and some gifts for Usagi's parents and 
some other people. Candles were bought and I insisted on a few herbs. 
At my friends questions I simply said they were for a prayer on 
Christmas Eve. I had no idea if what I had planned, would work. 
However, if I succeeded it could not only help Usagi immensely but 
most likely all of us. Hopefully I would get this right, wouldn't 
want to anger some spirits.
	After the general things were obtained we split up to buy 
some individual gifts. I had already something in mind for Usagi, so 
I went with her while Minako set off on her own for awhile. I smiled 
to myself secretly. How long had it been that I had been shopping 
like a normal girl, looking at everything, bugging shopkeepers and 
irritate customers with useful banter. To be honest, I never really 
had. As a child I wasn't the exact typical specimen and later I was 
usually to shy to go out all like Usagi and Minako could. The latter 
had often dragged me with her but I always refrained her efforts to 
get me to indulge in her carefree activity. Well... To hell with it! 
Today I wanted to be the normal schoolgirl I never really had been.
	After picking out something nice for Minako, we strolled 
through some of the shops, trying out this piece of jewelry, that 
piece of clothing. I never had the intention of purchasing anything 
but Usagi was hell-bent on getting a few new items for her wardrobe 
and there was one thing you could usually not defend yourself 
against. A pleading look from our Princess. Usagi insisted that I got 
myself some nice things too. Oh well, if I wanted to be a common girl 
for once, I might as well spent some of that money I had enough of 
anyway.
	Since it was in the script for a shopping raid - or so Usagi 
said - we wound up with the more expensive and formal gowns 
eventually. After looking around I found a purple one that I kind of 
liked. The price wasn't that outrageous and I let the clerk wrap it 
up. Returning to Usagi I saw her unmoving in front of a couple of 
white pieces. Coming up next to her, I immediately saw what had 
caught her eye. A long white gown with a big bow in the end. The 
style resembled that of the old Moon Kingdom only slightly verified. 
The gown that Neo Queen Serenity would have worn looked exactly like 
it...

	"Close your eyes and focus. Can you feel the center?" Usagi 
sat cross-legged on her bed following my instructions. She nodded and 
I continued. "Good. Now let go of the control. SLOWLY. Let it drift." 
Reaching out to her spirit, I could feel the familiar drifting from 
the physical realm. The "switch" as I had labeled it was slowly 
bending in one direction, I could not quite tell in which one but I 
suppose unlike me Usagi tended more to the submissive side. "Now pull 
back!" I ordered sharply and after a moment of hesitation felt the 
reaction, her eyes reverted back to clear blue, instead of the 
glassed over appearance and Usagi heaved a wary sigh. It was tiring, 
I very well remembered that part. And I had had no one to guide me. 
That had been even more tiring.
	"You're doing good, Usagi. You have that down in no time." 
Usagi managed a faint smile. "I'm doing good at something that 
requires learning? Haruna-sensei would quit her job hearing that." I 
chuckled softly and motioned for her to settle down and rest. We had 
been doing that for over an hour and that should be enough for now. 
Also I had to get back soon. It was getting late and Minako and I 
still had some locations to check for our wayward rapists.
	"Hotaru? Can you give me the folder in the top right drawer? 
I need to get this done today, if I want to have that application out 
before Christmas." I complied, glad that Usagi had found the courage 
to get some sort of order in her life. Her strength was remarkable 
after having her spirit shattered the moment she had started to 
realize what a mess she had allowed her life to become.
	Handing her the folder, I watched for a moment as she lay 
down on her stomach to read and occasional mark something. Turning 
back to her desk I was about to close the drawer again when something 
caught my eye. I had missed it the first time and even now barely got 
a glimpse on the objects inside. Two pictures, neatly tugged away in 
frames. Taking them out I held them up into the light and nearly wept 
at what I saw. My control slipped immediately and I couldn't suppress 
the whimper. Of course Usagi noticed that. "Daijobu, Hotaru-chan?"
	I looked back at her, sure that a few tears were glistering 
in my eyes. I wanted to put the pictures away immediately but the 
damage had already been done. So I simply shut the drawer and slid 
down the chair to sit beside her on the bed. Usagi had gotten up at 
my reaction and hers was mirroring mine as I handed her the two 
photographs that were years old by now. "Oh," was all she said but it 
was so quiet that one could have sworn she had said nothing at all.
	The first photo was of Usagi, me and Chibiusa from the time 
when we had visited that friend of Mamoru's who was breeding exotic 
plants. I think Mamoru must have made that one. The other was a gift -
 I supposed - from Chibiusa, showing her and her parents with the 
beautiful scenery of Crystal Tokyo in the background.
	The first did not show anything remarkable except the heart 
wrenching happiness that the three of us radiated. The other one... 
Well, I wasn't Pluto but she had taught me some things when I was in 
my quick aging period. The whole picture was somewhat transparent, 
the typical sign of a future that had become dead. The halo effect 
was less with Neo Queen Serenity but King Endymion was beyond doubt 
transparent. Chibiusa had a faint emerald glow around her that showed 
her detachment from the timeline. She wouldn't completely vanish 
because she had been here once and the photos taken in this time 
would be unaffected but the glow was a clear sign that her future 
existence had been crushed.
	"Chibiusa forgot that when she returned to the future after 
Neherenia," Usagi whispered softly. I slipped an arm around her 
shoulder and put the pictures back on the desk. The mood had dropped 
considerably and for a long while we just sat there staring at the 
pictures that were synonyms of a happy past and a future that should 
have been happy. Thinking about the price the world had paid that day 
when the Senshi were slaughtered by a foe that we until today had no 
idea where it had come from, it was a truly sad thing that they would 
never know about their loss. Yet... Did a society who produced people 
like Black and Ivy truly deserve an utopia?
	Neither of us really minded leaning on each other as we 
remembered memories of the past and the days where we could live 
without a care in the world because we knew our future would be a 
glorious one and our efforts would eventually pay out. A dream it had 
been but we never realized it before we had been rudely awakened.

	It had been one of those awkward moments I had told Minako 
about. There was no touching, necking, kissing or whatever. Just a 
mutual and genuine comfort but the moment was slightly magical if I 
dared saying so. At one point I could have sworn hearing my childhood 
friend's laughter.
	"It's beautiful," I heard Usagi breathe wistfully. I looked 
up from my reverie and had to gasp at the resemblance. My friend was 
just holding the gown in front of her looking into a mirror but even 
that way the resemblance between Usagi and Neo Queen Serenity was 
almost one hundred percent. The only thing missing was the crown and 
the sigil.
	I felt a sharp pang in my heart as I remembered why I had 
been reborn in this age in the first place. Normally including Saturn 
in the rebirth cycle would have been counterproductive but Queen 
Serenity had foreseen that Earth would be the promised planet for the 
new Silver Millennium. I was sent to ensure that it would come. I 
failed. We all did. How could everything had gone so horrible wrong? 
The Senshi in me had wanted nothing else than to see the old, 
glorious days again, even if it had meant assuming her old role in 
exile once more. Saturn would have done anything to ensure that. A 
pity that option had been taken away from me before I could react.
	"Splendid," the voice of the saleswoman pushed into my 
thoughts as she came up behind me. "If I would dare say so, an image 
suited for a queen." Usagi cringed a little at the words but managed 
a smile anyway. It was wistful and laced with longing but still 
genuine. "Yes," she replied softly. "Yes, it is."
	"Well," the woman remarked, "I truly would hate it to see 
that one wasted on someone else. Why don't I make you a special 
offer?" She told us and the price was really hilarious for something 
so beautiful. I looked at Usagi ready to lent her the money if she 
wanted but I already suspected that this wouldn't be necessary.
	After a minute more of studying herself in the mirror, she 
finally put it down and handed it back to the woman. "No. Your offer 
is generous but I will not need the gown of a queen anymore." Her 
hand sought out mine and wordlessly I let her lead us back out of the 
shop, leaving a confused saleswoman looking after us.

(Usagi)
We met back up with Minako outside the shop a few minutes later. I 
think she must have noticed the nostalgic look on my face. Not saying 
anything she grasped my hand, slipped an arm around Hotaru and lead 
us down to ground level. In the middle of the recently remodeled mall 
in Shinjuku there was a fountain with the statue of what looked like 
an elf or a fairy in the middle. The cross was a little odd and 
Serenity would probably categorize it as a half-breed, if those 
hadn't been seen for several thousands year. I wondered 
absentmindedly where the artist had come up with the motive.
	The dress had effected me more than I would admit. It brought 
out memories that I simply didn't have the strength to suppress and 
once again, I was reminded of the unfairness of it all. We had 
supposed to be fighting for this future to come. All our struggles, 
the fights, the hardships. They had given up so much and now nothing 
that we all had sacrificed would pay off in the end. This wasn't 
about Crystal Tokyo, or a happy future for Earth. It was about OUR 
future. The one that had not only been a dream but a goal. All of us 
had known that being rulers would not make life easier but we all had 
yearned for peace and for the revival of those glorious and carefree 
times of our past lives. We would have given everything for that, 
even personal freedom and childhood dreams. And then it had been 
taken away, just like that.
	"I miss them..." I surprised myself with the firmness and the 
control the soft spoken whisper still possessed. I had no idea how 
long we had sat there but it seemed like a small eternity. Two sets 
of arms tightened around me and for a moment I stiffened at the 
closeness, at first from the initial reaction my body responded with 
at unexpected touch and when as a part of me realized that I was 
imposing on their bond like that.
	Finally I settled down though and let the familiar feeling of 
security wash over me and help me stable my emotions. They were there 
for me. Even after all those time, even if only those two were there, 
they still would do anything for me. Not because of duty but because 
of love. A love I thought I didn't deserve but was determined to not 
gamble with again.
	"We know, Usagi-chan," Minako whispered, placing a small kiss 
on my forehead. "We miss them too." I shook my head slightly. "That's 
not what I mean. We never really had a time... have ALLOWED ourselves 
to grief, slowly falling into our depression. We never had a chance 
to say goodbye..." My voice trailed off and I could not stop the few 
quiet sobs as some of the horrible moments from that day years ago 
rushed to the surface. It was an effort to will the control that 
Hotaru had taught me back into place and the implications pained me 
even more. I had just been underlining my own statement.
	It surprised me a little to realize that Hotaru had lifted my 
face, the fingers of her right hand under my chin. Her eyes were 
intense and it was as if her soul was bare to my own eyes. There 
weren't any shields, I realized with a start. And I also realized 
that Hotaru had apparently feeling the same way now for a long 
time. "We will make our goodbye, Usagi-chan," she said quietly, her 
voice thick with emotions. "I promise you that. It is the least we 
can do for them."
	I slowly nodded and settled in Minako's embrace as the dark-
haired girl scooted even closer. We sat there like this, minutes, 
maybe hours. Looks were passed our way, some curious, some with scorn 
or distaste at the "improper" show of affection and closeness in 
public but we did not care. When we finally got up and left, bags in 
hand, none of us was letting go of the other.

	It was about an hour later when I finally arrived home. 
Minako and Hotaru had been insistent to drop me off and while I 
protested they also knew how grateful I was for their company. I 
still felt insecure outside whenever I went alone, even for short 
walks. Every passer-by, no matter how innocent they seemed, scared 
me. It wasn't fair to them I knew but I was scared of them... 
Sometimes I even was scared of my own parents and I was not sure if 
it was just the fact about them finding out. And that was truly 
nagging on me. Without the control exercises Hotaru had so thoroughly 
taught me, I probably would have broken down by now.
	The only time I could really feel safe was with Minako and 
Hotaru and both didn't show any restrictions in expressing it. I 
thought it bothered them to have me around as such a hassle and my 
tendency to simply pull back and fall into the depression that had 
been gathered throughout the years still didn't let me think 
otherwise. I knew they loved me - though I was not quite sure in 
which way that love went - but somehow I still thought I didn't 
deserve it.
	What was it with us anyway? Ever since the morning where the 
veil on all the major secrets had been lifted, we had grown more 
closer than we had ever been before the incident six years ago. And 
that scared me too because I began realizing something that was 
playing a big part of why I thought of myself as an intruder in their 
growing and still fragile relationship. I think I loved them. In more 
than a sisterly way...

	"Setsuna-san?" I sat down next to the older woman on a bench 
in the park. She didn't seem to be acknowledging my presence but that 
was just her usual manner. If you dealt with the Guardian of Time for 
awhile, you got used to it. I didn't know if I even wanted her to 
look at me right now. I might change my mind about approaching her on 
the subject. High School Graduation was coming up in under two months 
and the future we had been heading for was coming closer with every 
passing second. None of us knew for sure when or how and I was sure 
that the other woman would not share this details with me even if 
used a royal order... A royal order. I chuckled mentally and then 
smiled ruefully. It was back to the matter at hand. Better to get 
this done with or I would never get some sleep.
	"The future is not really set in stone, is it?" That opening 
came out a little different from what I had planned, however, I 
realized that it was my heart speaking. Setsuna did not answer for a 
long time as we watched all the people around us. There were 
families, children playing, an old, grumpy man reading his newspaper. 
So many people who weren't even aware of the fact that right under 
their noses their very future was the topic of discussion.
	"Do you want it to be?" The question startled me. It was 
uttered gently and not really disturbing the silence but the gravity 
was the important thing. "No," I answered with a surprisingly 
convincing tone of voice. "I don't want it to be set in stone, I want 
to form it, we want to form it because it has been our dream, the 
goal of our efforts for so long. If everything had already been 
prearranged no matter what we do, why should we have sacrificed so 
much?" The older woman turned her head slightly and I wavered 
slightly under the intense stare she gave me for a moment. Then her 
features softened and a tiny smile graced her lips. "And there I 
thought I would have to drill that wisdom into you one day." I 
blanched at the verbal jab and then started laughing.
	Setsuna merely chuckled and waited until I settled down 
again. Her face turned serious again, a little worried even. "What 
brings this up all of the sudden, Princess? Not that I am complaining 
about your interest but..." I nodded, slipping back in what the 
others had jokingly labeled "princess mode". This topic was far too 
serious to joke about. "I had dreams, Pluto. Dreams about a future 
that had nothing to do with paradise we have been promised with. I 
know we all have those sometimes but it felt so real that it scares 
me. I can't go to Rei with this, I..." I trailed of looking at the 
other woman for some sign that she understood.
	Setsuna did not move for several seconds and her voice had 
dropped several volumes as she finally replied. "The future is always 
in motion. Not even I as it's guardian can foresee every possibility. 
Crystal Tokyo is the one most clear in all of them. With slight 
changes here and there but the general concept would always point to 
this one possibility. All it would take though, would be one little 
disturbance in the flow of time and everything could fall apart, 
create something totally different."
	"Like what?" I could not help but ask although I was secretly 
afraid of the answer. Setsuna was silent again for some time. "You 
falling in love with someone else as the Prince for example." I gaped 
at that and wanted to protest but she continued quickly. "I know you 
love him with all your heart, whether it be Tsukino Usagi or 
Serenity. I would not dare question your bond but you must realize 
that your love is what holds the steady image of Crystal Tokyo in the 
timeline. It is correct that you are the heir and that you could, if 
you wanted, let the Silver Millennium rise anew on your own. Crystal 
Tokyo though is a joint effort of both of your respective kingdoms. I 
fear, if the joining would not happen, the solution of a sole rule 
would end like the last one. Crystal Tokyo is a product of both the 
lineage of the Moon and the Earth and not just a revival of the 
Silver Millennium."
	I had leaned back during her speech and closed my eyes. The 
cold breeze of late January was more freezing than refreshing. "I 
don't think I could ever love anyone else than Mamo-chan..." The 
thought alone was absurd. There had been crushes and the brief 
familiarity with Seiya but nothing had ever compared to what Mamoru 
and I had... were having.
	Setsuna laughed softly. "That was merely an example. It could 
be him, though I doubt that, or it could also be that one of you 
falls in a fight. As you worded it earlier, Princess: 'The future is 
not set in stone.' But one thing you should not doubt..." I looked at 
her curiously out of the corner of my eye. "Do not doubt your ability 
to love. Do never question yourself, if you think that someone else 
might make you happy, even if it changes the future. Just ask 
yourself if it is worth it. You said yourself that you wanted to 
shape this future but you only got a glimpse of that time. The future 
is yours to hold and form, for the world and for yourself."
	Setsuna stood up suddenly and soothed her long coat. "If 
those dreams worry you so much though, I will look into that matter." 
And with that she was gone.

	That was the last time I had seen her until two days before 
the horrible battle. She told me personally that she had spent the 
whole time analyzing a minor anomaly that she had spotted due to my 
concern but it had vanished several days before her return without 
leaving behind any trace. I had not said anything to the others but 
had them be extra careful. It didn't help much.
	Pushing back the images that threatened to break to the 
surface, I concentrated back on the conversation I had with Setsuna 
this day. Could I really love someone else? I could not deny that 
something was happening between us that quickly was slipping from our 
control and it had begun that very day when our friends had been 
slaughtered. The one moment our bleeding hearts and souls had joined 
and had not fully separated again afterwards though our bodies had 
drifted apart. And now with the new closeness it became even more 
evident.
	Was I really in love again and wasn't I betraying Mamoru's 
memory like this? Hotaru had been so helpful and patient, helping me 
deal with the consequences of the rape. Minako was so supportive, 
even though she didn't really understand what we had been gone 
through and still were, she tried so much. When I was with them, I 
felt like I had reached the only safe harbor in a raging sea that 
otherwise threatened to drown me. Was it really possible to be in 
love with two people at once? Two people that were together? Two 
people that weren't Mamo-chan?

Onwards to Part 7


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