Chapter Four: Climax (Minako) "Matte, Hotaru-chan!" I called out as the raven-haired teenager was about to move up the stairs of the communication center. It had been a late night shift, it was supposed to a quiet night. A series of quiet nights until the Ascension. But no, there had to be some new monsters breaking that rule. Pluto had assured us that Galaxia would be the last battle for us until Crystal Tokyo came. As if you could ever trust this woman, honestly. We had just sent off the emergency signal, calling all the Senshi to the Juuban High grounds and we were on the verge of leaving ourselves. However, there was that strange feeling that something was totally wrong, would go totally wrong this night. And I could for the laugh of it not shake it off. We didn't really have anything to fear, our powers had increased again over the last two years through steady training and maturing bodies. The Sailorsenshi of today could have faced all Animamates together and would have won, that I was sure about. And yet, there was this nagging sensation, you know? Something you can't quite put your finger on that slowly crawls up and down your spine. Like being followed by a haunting ghost in a dark, gloomy mansion. I grabbed Hotaru's arm as she turned to look at me quizzically. "Nani? We have to hurry, Minako-chan. The others will need our help." Too true, the readings were quite unsettling themselves. Powerful, too powerful for a random occurrence. But that was not entirely that agitated me so much. "I just... I have a bad feeling about this. Promise you'll be careful and take care of yourself." She wanted to say something but her gaze changed from mildly annoyance to concern as she read my own written all over my face. After a long pause, she tentatively reached out to gently stroke my face. I shivered under her touch, we had become so close lately. Almost like... "I promise," Hotaru said at last, her voice totally serious and her eyes mirroring her honesty. I swallowed hard, trying to come out with something more. My mind being totally blank in that department for a moment and pushed by that still present, tingly fear, I did not hesitate. In one swift moment I had pulled her to me into a crushing embrace as my lips sought out hers in one long, drawn- out but much too short kiss. Then I finally let go and stepped away, moving towards the stairs myself, I grabbed her hand and said in a hushed whisper: "Good." I blinked as sheltered beams of sunlight graced my face. A dream again. I didn't have this one in quiet some time. Not since... The confusion and morning haze began to leave me slowly and with a start I finally registered the small weigh draped over my body, almost completely covering me. A head resting in the valley between my breasts, comfortable and with regular breathing. Long, black hair spilled over my upper body... Hotaru... Again... Kuso... Then the rest of last night's events - or was that already this morning - began to follow the rest of my mind to consciousness and my pained expression soften into a smile that could have lit a Christmas Tree, no make that the whole heaven. Really, I could not describe the relief that swept through me at that very moment. Perhaps it was the still present dream in the back of my awareness or just the incredible night that opened so much new possibilities. Maybe just everything put together. But as I run my hands through the tangled mess of still damp, yet soft hair, I could not help the sigh escaping my lips and lingering there for a few moments. I had been so scared that day. Rightfully so. But it hadn't been her that had been killed. Perhaps my worry put her on guard even more than before. But the events still had brought a nasty scar that was just now beginning to heal. That night, after our friends' slaughterers, we had cried together, holding each other and I had sworn myself to never let either of them go. That I would be there for them in every way possible. It had hurt when Hotaru had suddenly pulled back from the next day onward and more and more excluded herself not only from us but from interaction with the world in general. I had hoped the pre- battle kiss to be something special and I silently had hoped that she would turn to me in those dreadful times. But she hadn't and that had hurt. Suddenly jolted from my reverie, I noticed that Hotaru was watching me. Her head just barely lifted up from its resting place, staring at me intently, as if trying to figure something truly important out. And then her face broke into a broad smile. "You're still there." One finger found her nose and tipped it playfully, my response though was serious. "I'll always have been there." The sudden mood change was... unexpected. Without warning Hotaru suddenly burst into a well of tears. Confused and a little agitated at this, I pulled her up to face level and gently rocked her while trying to still her tears with silent kisses. After a while the welling turned into tiny whimpers and I proceeded to wipe her face clean. "Shh, it's okay. Everything's fine now, I won't go anywhere. I made this mistakes once but that was enough." Hotaru sniffled a few times. Looking up to me with those big, puffy eyes. "Ai... Aishiteru... Gomen, demo... Aishiteru..." Huh? I didn't quite follow that line of thought. Okay analyze that piece for piece. She loved me? Yay me! That was good, wonderful, brilliant. But why was she sorry? Sorry that she loved me? My expression must have been truly comical because Hotaru suddenly burst out laughing which only further added to my bewilderment. What the heck was wrong with that girl? She continued laughing for quite some time before finally calming down and her expression turning serious again. Honestly, how much emotions could she go through in just that short time? Especially since she usually was so cold? Woah... Hotaru slid from my body and laid next to me, her eyes studying me for awhile. I had turned my head to watch her as well, waiting for an explanation. She was not likely to give on in quite some time because her next question was a completely different one again. "Seriously, where do we go from here?" she asked, her hands lazily playing with some strands of golden hair. Enjoying the feeling for a moment, I did not respond right away. Where would we go from here? That was a good question. Of course we couldn't just throw the past in the wind and say: To hell with it. That would be nice, appreciated even, tempting. It would not work though. "Why don't we take one step at a time and look where that leads us. You know that I love you, don't you?" She whimpered a little under my intense gaze and I feared she would go through another emotional roller coaster. Maybe I had just overloaded the poor girls' feelings with my declaration. My... lover? Girlfriend? Whatever... Hotaru managed to pull herself together and just favored with that tiny, cute and shy smile. I hadn't seen this in years. And Kami had I missed it. When that shy smile turned a little impish and I... gulped. I noticed vaguely that her hand had abandoned my hair and had slipped under the covers, caressing in slow, still lazy patterns my right breast. A tiny moan escaped my throat. "I still have to repay you for the most wonderful night in my life." Pausing for effect and her expression almost pouting she asked: "Or do you have to go to work?" I growled then she lightly pinched my nipple. "Oh, I think I should but I guess I will look for something more... adequate after Christmas. Just doesn't... ah... suit me anymore... You know, clean cuts... huhoh..." I visibly struggled for control and regular speech pattern here. The impish Raven didn't make it any better but I really had to get up. I had to make a few calls and such, so that I could squeeze some more money out of the deal. After all I wanted to quit, had wanted for a long time now, and not them throwing me out. No, that satisfaction I would not give them. Under great effort I managed to sit up. Not wanting to sound offending or anything, I said gently: "I promise you can do this later but I really should have to get up and..." The squeal from suddenly being pulled back by an iron grip on my wrist and pressed down harshly on the mattress died from my lips as I stared up at a looming Hotaru. Her hair fell over her shoulders and covered her face like a veil. But that look I would not forget in quite some time. The passion, hunger and lust sparkling in that purple eyes were incredible but the disapproving and actually dominating gaze blazing with intensity made me shudder. "You will go nowhere," Hotaru... barked. A dangerous growl rumbling from deep in her throat. The only thing I could manage was simply comply. (Usagi) The walk back home this time was uneventful. I had been... shopping. Yes, shopping. What? That's not important. Why I have been shopping of all things after the events of yesterday? I don't know. It just seemed... right. Necessary maybe, I had no clue actually. It was dark again. Not that kind of dark, I mean not in pitch black and late dark. Sun had just vanished behind the roofs a few minutes ago, still some twilight. God, how pathetic have you become, babbling in your head like this? Pathetic! Selfish! Useless! Whore! Shut up, just shut the fuck up! My hands clawed on my pants a little, a familiar urge once again taking control of my body, guiding my actions. Yes, truly pathetic you are Tskukino, truly pathetic. When I had woken up this morning, immense pain had shot through my body as I had tried to uncurl from my position. Of course in my haze I had totally forgotten about the clamps and the little chain rings attached. The searing from the breast was bad but the exquisite torture from the instant orgasm thundering through my body set off by the tiny rings hooked onto my clit was... something different. Exquisite torture? Geez, get a grip girl. Can you truly become even more pathetic. Wanting the pain, wanting to be punished? Cruel and hard just like these... these... creatures did? Did you really want that? Yes, I did. Really, I did. As sickening as it was, there was nobody else to give me that punishment I deserved, right? I didn't even deserve someone to give me the punishment I deserved? Wait, does that even make sense? Yeah, I guess it did. The pathetic thing was rather that I knew it was wrong, not the "right" way to deal, not the "best" way to... To what? Get better? How could I get better? Pathetic really. I couldn't even decide if I wanted to be punished or not. It was my failure that had caused them to die, right? It was my carelessness that had driven me into their eager hands, right? It was me who had kept Minako all to herself for almost six years, just for the pathetic reason to feel... Feeling. I wasn't allowed that. I didn't deserve it. So why should I care, if it was right or not? I shouldn't because I didn't deserve no better. Opening the front I was surprised to see the house dark, no lights on. Okaasan had said that she wanted to meet someone today and it could get later but not that late. Oh well. Perhaps it was better that way. She had kept shooting me this totally awkward glances at the breakfast table in a manner that I always thought the gig was up. But I had the clothes safely tucked away and by now burned, so it couldn't be them and the Ginsishou had undid the markings, so... Couldn't be. Right? It made me uncomfortable nonetheless. And with Okaasan away and Otousan still working I had the house all to myself to safely do... things. Shingo had long since begun living on his own, a good thing, I don't think I could have stood the brat now. I had slipped off my shoes and was just starting up the stairs, bag with all the little... goodies, slung over my shoulder, when the silence of the house was disturbed by the buzzing sound of the... buzzer. Lame, I know. Moving over to the door, a little annoyed at the interruption, I must say I was quite a bit stunned seeing Tomoe Hotaru on my doorstep. Happy! Smile! The little voice in the back of my consciousness screamed at me and I plastered a huge, big, hundred watt grin on my face. "Konbanwa, Hotaru-chan! What brings you here at that late hour?" Megami, I had to cringe at my own fake cheerful voice and as I saw Hotaru frown for a moment I began to believe that I had invoked exact the opposite reaction from what I had aimed for. "Um..." she started, tilted her head a little to the side, "can I come in?" Ack, did she have to do that? Great now she was making fun of me, not that I didn't deserve it. "Sure," I chirped and cringed again when I turned around and headed for the kitchen. Politely as it was expected from me I asked her, if she wanted to have some tea. She would have liked too but didn't want to importune. No, really how did she figure that? If anything was a bother than it was me. She had said that herself, right? So why was she here? I made the tea and sat down opposite of her. That gaze lingering on my back while I worked on making the tea was unsettling and now it was even more disturbing. It felt like she could see right through me. Right through my very soul. She took the steaming cup and sipped on it for awhile, eyes still peaking over the rim, boring right into me. Then Hotaru set down the cup again, the suspicion lurking in her eyes never leaving those and making me look away in shame for some reason, but her features softened a bit. "Arigato." I blinked, then stared. Long. Long, endless moments of... staring. Thank you? Did she just say... Oh, the tea of course. Pleasantries. Yes that's it. "Domo arigato for helping me and Minako-chan. That was you, wasn't it?" If I had drank some of the tea myself, I would have choked on it now and then spilled it all over the kitchen floor. My eyes got really wide. You know, like big saucers, like in this anime, right? My lip trembled, trying to voice something but unable to. "How?" I finally managed. Lame again, yes, but I think she understood. Hotaru smiled a little. "You were there. I sensed you, briefly." Kuso. "And why else should Minako have been there?" Kuso. Kuso! Kuso... "That was very kind of you Usagi-chan. I... have to apologize for what I said yesterday, it was uncalled for." Apologize? No! Not that, she could not... It wasn't... "You are not pathetic, Usagi, you know that, right?" NO! My mind screamed and that little voice rebelled, wrecked havoc, did a lot of nasty things. She could not do this. What she said was right, she couldn't take it back, I deserved to be punished! No, not deserve, that would make it sound like a good thing. I had to be punished. Yes, that's it. And she couldn't take it back, just couldn't... I manage to smile - should have been rewarded with an Oscar for that - I managed to nod and smile and accept the apology while all my senses were screaming betrayal. I told her that I was happy for her and Minako and that alone counted. That was the truth. Then, with some greater effort and gentle prying, I got her to leave, telling her I was tired from last night and hadn't gotten much sleep, which was particular true too. As soon as she was out of the door I slowly walked upstairs. Every step, every motion seemed like a small eternity and yet the time I actually noticed passing could hardly be five seconds. I was slipping into that trance again, rational thinking fleeing from my mind. A few moments later I already found myself in my room and on the edge of my bed. My body was giving off tiny, little shudders that I could not dare hope to control while a familiar war silently raged on in the little bit of awareness left. It was a short but intense battle as reason battled craving. Deep down I knew that I didn't truly wanted this but the voice hammering like a constant headache in the back of my mind was loud and strong. Too strong. Control was something I lacked anyway and so reason fought a losing battle right from the beginning. Punishment was the only option, my pain the only thing that was allowed. Because I deserved no better. I knew I kept repeating this and it sounded dull but... It was that simple, wasn't it? One hand reached out to retrieve the metal clamps from inside of a drawer while with the other started to rummage through my bag, seeking something particular. I started at the metal clamps between my fingers while I was searching and the rebelling voice of reason, that sounded an awfully lot like Serenity, was getting quieter and quieter with every moment until there was no reaction at all as I numbly pulled out the sought item. It was another set, similar to the others. I smiled a little, my dazed mind only fixated on the sweet pain that this new... toy would bring. The chain or better string was longer and would reach down nicely, it could be stretched too. Nice black leather... Cute. I hooked one ring at the one from the clamps and let the new combination brush over my still-clad body, testing the length. Perfect. I stood up and discarded my clothes in a robot-like pattern. All the while the little voice was getting louder and louder. Hotaru was wrong. She couldn't take it back, because it was true. And this truth belonged to me. I was pathetic, I was useless. I let my friends die. Sat there, watched and let them die. That could not be forgiven. Never ever. No. Surely I had imagined it. Hotaru hadn't been here altogether. And if... It didn't matter. Snapping the clamps on my erect nipples I did not even flinch at the familiar pain lanced through my body. Toying for a while with the chain, I finally took the attached end and guided it down to my clit that had not gotten any attention after this morning. Which meant it was not prepared at all. I hollered a little as the tiny ring slid into place just like the other was this morning. That one had tiny pins on the surface, like needless but plain instead of sharp. They burned nonetheless as they buried themselves in the extremely sensitive flesh. A delicious extra sensation added the other set of metal clamps holding my pussy lips wide open. I had fallen in love with that one the moment I saw it. Alongside with the other items, I was now ready for the punishment I des... NO! The punishment I had to endure. Not deserved. Never deserved. I deserved nothing. With that clarified I begun tucking on the chains. (Minako) Two steaming cups of pitch black coffee stood on the table, prepared for my guest. Still seated comfortably in one of the somewhat cheap arm chairs was the blue-haired woman who had come by earlier in the afternoon. It had taken me totally by surprise seeing Tsukino Ikuko on my doorstep and even more so when she wanted to talk to me in private, the confrontation had been a particular awkward one. I just finished making some tea and getting some cookies for us. Hotaru had decided to come by for sometime before she went to see Usagi. Kami, had I been stupid. It was actually ridiculous. I, the great, self-proclaimed Goddess of Love, had been played like an amateur. Feh, from Usagi no less. When Hotaru had pointed out that little, obvious fact I felt like slapping myself silly but at the moment just burst out laughing. Hotaru still hadn't explained her behavior this morning and while I was not one to press a personal issue, not anymore and not in her case, there was this nagging sensation in the back of my mind that whatever truth lay behind it, would have a fatal impact. And it scared me. Quite frankly it scared me a lot. If it had just been the overflow of emotions from this morning I would have understood and simply had filed it away as confusion and emotional trauma. But the reaction when I had wanted to resent her physically for perfect understandable reasons, that was what scared me somewhat. Of course, sure, it thrilled me to have Hotaru suddenly go all dominatrix on me. Really, it did. A small part had wanted to let control slip for awhile and let someone else be the dominating party. The look though... As if she was utterly crazed. Afterwards the explanation still failed to come and she excused herself for a hot shower. I had lain there on the bed, exhausted and a little numb, not really knowing what to do. She had said, she loved me. But was I worthy of her complete trust yet, probably not. I had let it slide when she finally came back, more relaxed and... normal. I didn't want to spoil the mood and the feeling that it was too early to approach that topic. However, when the day passed I grew more and more anxious. It was like I was threatened to lose her again, if I didn't bring her to trust me with that and may it be even so painful. Putting the tea and plate of cookies down on the table I prepared to sit down next to Hotaru, preparing for some careful, gentle probing. I hadn't been granted the time as the doorbell rang that exact moment. I wanted to ignore it, I really wanted to. I would even defer this conversation, just to spent some quality time with my new girlfriend. It had been too long since I did something "normal" like that. But nooo... I had to groan and accept my fate with another regretful sigh. Opening the door I came face to face with Tsukino Ikuko. Ah, just great! "Oh, hi... Tsukino-san!" What the heck? "Good afternoon, Minako-san." Uh oh, I don't think that look bore well for me. Okay, divert attention, be nice. "Would you like to come in?" She simply strode past me. Passing Hotaru a calculate look before sitting down. I was pretty good at reading emotions and the numerous one I saw Tsukino-san's face go through in under a few seconds ignited a spark of worry in me, something was wrong here. Horribly wrong. Ikuko wasn't phased by my - granted pathetic - attempts on pleasant conversation. She just sat there, for a few moments, her eyes literally boring into me. I wanted to reach out for Hotaru's hand at some point but for some reason thought better of it. Somehow I had the feeling that would make things even worse. "Minako," the elderly woman finally said sternly and I gulped under her intense gaze. "Have you been sleeping with my daughter?" Oh... shit! If one ever heard of horrible timing, this situation had just shot to the top of examples. Um, Hotaru, where are you going? I watched in shock as my girlfriend had stood up and was just excusing herself. I shot her a desperate, pleading look but she simply shook her head. *Something's up. I go over to Usagi and speak to her. Hold her up a little.* And with that she was out of the door. Hold her up?!? I mean I would be glad when she finally left my apartment. How did she expect me to actually keep her here? Me, all alone with that woman who looked like she was ready to commit brutal murder with her bare hands? No, thank you. I could very well do without dealing with an enraged, overly-protective mother... Wait a minute there! Tsukino Ikuko was nothing like that. When I prided myself with something more when reading emotions, it was my ability to judge people. Okay, that had slacked lately and I made some mistakes but despite that I was pretty sure that the elder Tsukino was not one to jump to easy conclusion or get worked up like that over her already old enough daughter sleeping with another woman. No, it just didn't fit the piercing stare I received when I slowly turned back to her. So what was wrong with that picture, I asked myself, as I mentally prepared to meet the woman's wrath and somehow find out what really was going on. After surviving the initiate rant - though I could not answer how -, I was shocked to say the very least how Ikuko had found about me and Usagi. She had been suspecting it for year's now but never pried, knowing how depressed Usagi was these past years. This morning, however, she had more or less accidentally discovered something that had my blood freeze for a moment and I could only shake my head in denial at her question if I had anything to do with that. You know how that is when you want to throw up right on the spot? Well, I really wanted to. The thing was actual trivial compared to what I had discovered in my area of work. But just envisioning Usagi in a position like this, sent a shudder down my spine. Usagi had never mentioned or shown anything in this direction. Would I have known... Well, I don't know what I would have done. However, learning this little fact right after the healing night of me and Hotaru... It was most... disturbing. I had spent several minutes assuring the distraught mother that I was in no way responsible. I think my own shock must have leaked through because the older woman eased the pressure quickly. Returning my thoughts back to the present, I had finished dialing the cell phone number of my girlfriend. "Minako?" Hotaru's voice came through the receiver and I could here the worry in her voice. "Good that you are calling. There is something wrong with Usagi, I..." "I know," I interrupted with a sigh. "Listen. This might be a little disturbing... Okay, make that very disturbing but apparently Usagi is on a little pain trip..." Alright, poor choice of words but I really didn't know how to break this gently to Hotaru. Besides, she could take a lot. Her answer was barely a whisper to a degree where I could only guess the hushed "Nani?" Taking a deep breath I related the situation Ikuko had found her daughter in early this morning. There was a very long silence on the other end. And I mean a very long silence. When another barely audible, croaked "Iie". I could almost HEAR Hotaru shaking her head. Then, more steady this time, she addressed me once more before immediately cutting the line. "Keep Tsukino-san there. Under no circumstances let her come back." I stared at my cell phone for a long moment after realizing that the line was dead. Slowly putting it back in my pocket, I took the two cups of coffee that had cooled down a little by now and returned to the living room, the sinking feeling from this morning returning to me once again. Wordlessly I put the coffee down on the table and fell in the arm chair next to her. Ikuko spared me a worried glance. "What is it, Minako-chan?" I closed my eyes and rested my head back against the backrest for a moment before answering in a tired voice. "I would like to know that myself." (Hotaru) I was back in the house - Usagi hadn't locked the door - and up the stairs in record time, taking two to three steps at once. Minako's phone call had confirmed a nagging suspicion I had during the whole, awkward talk with Usagi. She hadn't done much talking to be precise but her body language should have clued me in immediately. I had ignored the red warning lamps though and let her usher me out of the house. I had been worried, yes, but since I hadn't been able to put my finger on it, I didn't think I would have come back and checked, if Minako hadn't called. The revelation of just what was up with our Princess struck me like a lightning bolt and suddenly it all became so clear. Yet, I desperately hoped that I was wrong, that I was misinterpreting the information. I was almost at the top, when I heard a muffled scream from the dimly-lit room that was Usagi's. The door was slightly ajar and therefore the sound barrier field that was visible to my trained eyes rendered ineffective. Although every instinct in me screamed for me to hurry, I slowed down and gently nudged open the door. I don't think I ever forget that moment. Frozen solid, branded deep next to the many other memories that held a similar status. But... that... I had expected, feared it. Seeing it confirmed was worse than knowing. It always was, wasn't it? I stood frozen in the doorframe for several minutes, my internal voice urging me forward but my body denying the command. Just like Ikuko had relented to Minako. A little more extreme even. Hunched on the back, hair falling freely down her body I was still very much able to see the construction of clamps on breasts and pelvis, chained together in the middle just long enough to allow a simple lying position without inflicting pain. "Usagi..." I finally whispered and the reaction was instant. Her head suddenly snapped up and around in such a manner that I could have sworn it should have broken. Her eyes were wide but there was still the expected haze, the dullness that I knew very well would be there. She didn't cease the movements of her hands. One on the upper chain constantly pulling and the other between her legs tugging on the leather strip occasionally to add to the situation. She didn't cry though or scream or anything. Just sat there, with shudders and spasms rocking her body. "Usagi..." I made another step, now almost at her side. The blonde followed me with her eyes not really fixed on anything. Her posture was... humbled, humbled and ashamed. Ashamed that I caught her and that is why she didn't allow herself the pain to be shown, a part of my mind analyzed clinical, drawing from experience. "See?" she said in a squeaky voice. "You were right after all. I am pathetic. Useless and pathetic. That's why I need to be punished..." Reaching out with one trembling hand, I touched her arm briefly... Times like this were the reason why I cursed my most recent, latest gift. I wasn't really a seer or anything, or as sensitive as Rei had been, but sometimes I still good flashes - visions - from people or objects when touching them. When I brushed over Usagi's bare skin something shot forward with unbidden force and I tried with every ounce of power still left to defend myself but I couldn't. The pictures rushed before my mind's eye like a fast-moving train. And it felt just like being in the path of one too. I saw them, in the dark alley, mauling, gripping and torturing the innocent picture of a human soul that was my Princess. Them. I recognized them immediately or maybe it was Usagi's recognition that I felt, whatever. But no matter what there was suddenly a huge, neon sign in scarlet red letters being waved in front of me that read one word. FAILURE I recoiled with a sharp cry and jumped back, shaking, trembling and so many more things. My mind was racing and I was desperately trying to tame the maelstrom that raced through my very being. The best synonym I could come up with was a raging fire consuming a forest while a swirling tornado scourged the flames even higher. I could feel something crack inside of me. Something I had kept hidden, sheltered and controlled for so long. This morning I had allowed myself after a long time for the switch to be flipped from its neutral position of control into something more primal. And now I felt it again. But this time I didn't have any kind of control. The ringing in my ears from the hissing flames and the roaring tornado was only getting louder and louder as the safely tucked-away memory broke to the surface. The one, only memory, the one, only truth that I was reluctant to share with anyone, including Minako, and that dominated my life subconsciously for so long. I could see it all again. The sickening visage of the monster years ago. After the battle, somehow it had survived, then waited for me to return home, alone. I could feel it all again in a dull reverie that threatened to rip me apart right on the spot. That brutal tentacles - just like straight out of a cheap hentai movie - that had forced themselves onto me. Around my breasts, on my nipples, in my mouth, up my ass and in my pussy altogether, at once, without foreplay, without restraint. The images began to mingle as the vision from Usagi once again replayed itself and I relived some of the absolutely most horrible moments of my life. I could literally feel that whip on Usagi's center while mine was brutally ripped apart with a sharp, blade-like tentacle ending rammed right through. If Saturn hadn't detached her spirit from my body before I passed out and put me back together right afterwards I would have not survived it. It took me a month to regain steady walking again... I ran, my body finally reacted to the trauma and decided to turn tail and run, run as far away as possible. Somewhere where it, where I hadn't have to deal with that, where control could be regained. "NO!" I visibly jerked back from the forceful pull on my wrist and before I knew I was spun around and amazingly found myself face to face with a sitting - despite the clamps - Usagi drawing me into a harsh kiss. Another shudder run down my spine and I felt the switch somewhere deep in my mind moving, ignoring the tight control I had pulled on it for years. Yesterday night and this morning I had flipped it myself but somewhat controlled and well aware of what I was doing. Now, I wasn't so sure that I could. Deciding that taking matters into my own hands was better than letting the control slip, I used just a little more force than necessary to push Usagi away which immediately sent her on her back again, the chained clamps surely inflecting another jolt of pain but Usagi only whimpered and looked up at me. Her eyes did not mirror dominance or hunger but... humility and submission. An abashed look that was definitely sheepish and pleading. Like a small child that had been caught stealing a cookie... If only it would be that easy. I knew what she was going through, every bit of it. And I also knew that there was only one person in this world... yes, in existence probably, that understood her. Me. And damn it I could not deny that I felt responsible, could not run away from it, not again, not anymore. I desperately hoped that Minako would understand. I had been afraid it would come to this but... No! It was better that way. If both of them would hate me later, I would at least have the knowledge that I did everything I could. They probably both would hate me afterwards. I could not help that though. Usagi would not go through the same trauma I had been. I hadn't had anyone this time around but Usagi did now. Me. When her plea finally left her mouth, I had already flicked that switch and let myself completely go. Nothing else would help. "Onegai, Hotaru, I didn't mean to..." My hand struck her hard over her already lightly swollen clit and elicited a shrill cry of pain from Usagi. I struck again, this time with a clear bark of order. "Silence!" Usagi only whimpered and kept her eyes downcast but didn't make a sound. I noticed the bag next to her and set to work. (Usagi) No, no, I said I was sorry. I had no right to make you remember... remember this horrible, ugly, WRONG... thing... No, no please! Ah! That hurt. Pain! Pain is good. I deserve pain. No, no, not deserve, I had to get this sorted out. I didn't deserve anything. You can do everything you want to me. I am nothing. I need to be punished. I made you remember. Oh sweet pain. That one hit perfectly. Good thing mother wasn't home yet or... Ah! Again! Silence? Huh? Okay, I'll be quiet. Have I been bad again? Yes, I am not allowed to scream. Good girls didn't scream but I am a bad girl... aren't I? She looked at me, leering, smacked her lips with her tongue for a moment. There was that glint in her eyes, was she? What about Minako? No, I can't. I can't destroy that too, not that too. I made it, I helped, I didn't want to... Where was she going? No, don't leave me... or... Yes! Yes, leave me, leave me all alone and go back to her. It's better that way. She'll be alright, I didn't need to be alright. How could I ever have thought what happened to me was bad? It was nothing. Nothing compared to her pain. I envied her for her strength, her control. Neither of us suspected. Another reason why I'm a pathetic, useless whore. Huh? She was still there. The door was closed I noticed. How? Don't ask me. I just knew. She was stalking slowly towards me. I lay there, unmoving, not daring to speak or make a sound. Her movements were confident, like a big and strong predator and the way she looked at me. Oh yes, that's right! I am nothing! NOTHING! In her eyes I didn't have any rights, belong to... her? Yeah, I suppose, I do. To them actually. They could ask me to kill myself right now and I would do it. That gaze is so intense, so powerful. She... Mistress was sitting down on the edge of the bed, totally ignoring me, grabbed my bag though. With all the little goodies. Oh! Will she use them? Will she punish me with them? I didn't deserve it but I wanted her too. I wanted her to because I didn't deserve it... otherwise. Mistress had something pulled out. Oh that, yes that! Please, Mistress! I staid silent though, I knew I was not allowed to speak and far from it... request. No, bad girl. Mistress put the pretty whip aside. No! But... she didn't put it away, so maybe later? Her hand vanished into the bag again and my eyes sparkled a little, just a little. I think she noticed but didn't say anything. The leather straps! With four of them in her hands she put the bag aside - but in reachable distance - and turned around. A chill ran down my spine as she leveled this gaze at me again and I looked down... or as much as you can look down when you were already lying. The next thing I knew my wrists were wrapped in the straps and those bound to the bedpost. Then the same with my ankles. My body screamed when Mistress pulled my legs wider apart than necessary but I ignored the urge to snap them back together, not making a sound. Really, I did, I tried. But I could not prevent the sob when the clamps on my inner lips were pulled apart further which set off a small chain reaction. Just as I wanted it... but I couldn't have done that by myself. Wouldn't have... I muffled another shrilling screech when Mistress tucked on the chain at my unwanted response and sent another fizzling of small flames through my body. Then, before the sensation had totally finished she jammed to fingers in my center and twists the ring around my pleasure spot, scratching a fingernail over it. I couldn't help it, I practically shot from the bed... Except the bindings were holding me down and since every movement caused the combination of rings to move it didn't help. Mistress left me hanging there for awhile. Didn't say, didn't do anything. Just watched as my body squirmed and shuddered from my self-inflicted torment. She liked it! The pain was so intense, just from a little stimulating, wow! I could have never done that alone! Maybe that's why she was here and doing... this. Maybe, I even could... could... No, I couldn't be free afterwards. I never would be. I needed punishment, much more punishment. To pay for all the things I had done... or not done. Depends on the way you look at it. I... OH GOD! Another piercing scream ripped out of my throat when the whip struck with an audile crack. The small steel lining on the head - actually like a thin cloth wrapped around the leather - striking right down between my wide open legs with a force I was surprised it didn't break through the skin. I looked up through heavy eyelids, brows drawn together as colorful spots began to dance in front of my eyes. Mistress was leaning forward a little, her hands reaching out to touch my breasts. Oh, she was wearing the black leather gloves with the tiny... spikes on the fingertips and... Ah! I pressed my eyes tightly shut as the glove struck. It was a light slap actually but the spikes - or tiny nails maybe - pierced through the sensitive skin. Not enough to really break but enough to leave marks. She racked them over my breasts for awhile and I can just whimper and cry out occasionally, which of course only makes her dig harder. Then taking my nipples - clamps still firmly attached - between her gloved, spiked fingers, she pulled forcefully, making me holler at the lance of electricity driven right through my body... Pain, so much... Hurt, can't control anymore. I screamed louder as Mistress' increases her sweet torture of my breasts. I didn't believe I could take it any longer but I did, somehow I managed to quiet down again. CRACK! I think I lost it there for a moment when the whip came down hard, VERY hard, on my left breast, striking with the steel right on the exposed and already cruelly twisted nipple. The sting was unlike anything I've EVER felt. Even "they" had not managed such a reaction. For a moment - or was it a small eternity? - the burning sensation simply became too much and ripped my consciousness right from my body. Is your consciousness in your body anyway? Or is it in your soul? Just when I had returned, with a great effort, Mistress' whip crashed down again, the other breast this time. Even harder... If that was possible. The backlash washed away almost all remaining parts of my awareness and as Mistress' delivered about a dozen strikes each to my swollen breasts I was blissfully rooted right into this other realm. A realm where nothing else existed but the pain. The sweet pain, the needed pain. It embraced me, held me tight and hurt... I felt everything though. While my awareness was chained here, I felt every strÃke, every ministration on my body and the white world of pain reflected it back to me a hundredfold. So much pain. So much sweet, stinging, stabbing, blistering... DESERVED pain! Yes, I deserved it, every bit of it, needed... craved it! I LOVED the pain! Was I insane? Huh me? Yes, I guess, I was. Numb with grief... pain, my mind only filled with that one word, that one wonderful sensation. Filling me, marking my existence, my only mean for existence, rushing through my veins like a drug. No that was better than any drug that was... that was... TOO MUCH! It had been just one strike, a switch I had anticipated, wanted, craved... The steel lining hit home again, Mistress was good with it, but somehow, I couldn't hold it any longer. Slowly the pain became too much as Mistress merciless released strike after strike on my weeping pussy, cruelly, somehow leaving me on the verge of release but never bringing me there. Which made me wanting more of it, anything to set me off and release the by now tight ball of... energy? Strange. It was too much. I couldn't take in any longer. I couldn't! My limits were reached. I couldn't endure the pain any longer. I tried to squash it, tell myself that I needed this, that Mistress was well within her right, that I had no right to object... But this time, this time the demanding voice was slowly losing to the other... different voice. Not the one that was telling me to stop this madness and deal with it properly. No, that was still meek and most of the time silent. It wouldn't have won, even if I wanted it to. There was something else. A rumbling sensation like approaching thunder that went along with the small thunderclaps that each blow... ignited... And I begged. I cried in earnest, wept. "Stop... onegai..." I repeated it aloud, only a whisper, more I didn't manage, and chanted it inside my pain-crazed mind. Please... stop... can't take... more... Mistress never heard me or ignored me or... whatever... but... As she altered again from strikes to my breasts - had she been where again? - to my boiling clit that by now felt like a lava pit inside my body, the rumbling got closer... closer... closer to the surface. I didn't think I could hold it any longer... (Hotaru) She was a writhing bundle of nerves beyond my ministrations and I felt myself slip deeper and deeper into the darker side of my character that had been born this particular day. Yes, that was right. It had been born. Some would suspect that leaning would originate from Saturn but that was unfair and cruel towards my alter ego. Saturn was the least to be blamed. She had held me stable, helped me to regain control, saved my life. And believe me when I said, the following years when I was all alone in my room I had often asked myself: Why? Why didn't she just let me die? I would have been brought in a new reborn cycle, right? Wouldn't that have been easier? Perhaps it did have something to do with the fact that I had been violated - by evil too. Perhaps she just wanted to save me. I still really hadn't found an answer. No, Saturn definitely was not to blame for the hideous display of violence I was able to bring down on my own, cherished Princess. But I suppose, that maybe... most likely it was a Senshi thingy after all. I knew how it was. I remembered as if it had been yesterday... or just a few hours ago. Brought back by the fresh wound that seeing Usagi being raped had torn up again, I knew perfectly how it had been. Still was. Would never go away. No. The struggle of the mind. Reason against shame. I think that was a basic thing with rape victims. Not that I could relate in that area from previous experience but I had watched shows and read magazines, you know. Only that, with a Senshi, it expressed itself in an extreme reaction. Reason was thrown into the wind right away and would only become warped into a tight lever of control. Shame was the most basic emotion uttered in the general tendency for punishment. Both ways. First would come the craving for own pain, for repeatedly lowering your undeserved life. Then came the hunger. Suddenly, on some point you snapped. From there it became a roller coaster between submissive and dominant. It had been this way with me and from what I was witnessing the exact same thing was happening to Usagi now. That's why I was here. That's why I was doing this and not only risking losing her trust forever but smashing that little spark of love between Minako and myself. If she hated me afterwards, I couldn't help it but I had to do this. Because no one else could. I watched in amusement as the little "slave" - I couldn't help but slip in this mindset - squirmed and wriggled underneath me when I continued to lavish fast strikes upon her angry red pussy and visible clit. Each one hit a new spot, be it only an inch further to the right. Always a new one. Her whimpers and finally uncontrollable screams were music in my ears... Damn it, Hotaru, stay focused! Control! The plan was rather simple. It had sprung to my mind the minute I began to realize that I wouldn't be able to resist the sweet coaxing of my inner voice that craved to deal out the pain for once, not be submissive or restrained all the while. It wanted to come out and... "play". It always did. When you opened yourself up like that, let the control slip for only one experience of either happiness or sadness, it would break through. Even if I was successful and managed to spare Usagi a lot of the emotional trauma I had gone through, it would always be there. Lurking, waiting and suddenly rushing forward. That voice, that part of myself had been thrilled, delighted even by Usagi's little collection. It was easy to sort out her fixation on anything leather or metal. I had never had anything to letch onto as an initiator but I could understand the choice immediately. And so I knew exactly what she needed. As grotesque as it was the rather detailed vision had been helpful. I altered to her breasts once again which looked by now as if something had clawed at them, trying to rip the delicious flesh right off. There were swellings, marks and a mixture of red and blue blurbs all over them. I did not decrease the intensity of each strike though. Her eyes were pressed shut and I could feel that she was close. Switching to the other breast again, I drew back a little bit extra hard and was rewarded with a loud sob and angry, hot tears glistering in her eyes the soft whispers became screeched pleas for mercy. Perfect. I had her almost there. Almost. "Yes squeak, slave! It will bring you nothing!" I barked, deciding to add a little verbal assault to the ordeal, while catching Usagi under her chin with the tip of the whip when I drew it back. Another slap resounded through the room - gladly not through the sound barrier - as I slammed it down again, this time across both breasts in one strike. "You are nothing! Do you hear me? Pathetic, begging like a small child! I thought you wanted that!" Slowly drawing the whip back over both breasts, making sure to brush over each scarlet nipple, I mentally prepared myself for the finishing touch. I could literally feel it bubbling right under the surface, ready to explode upwards but still lacking the proper initiator. I carefully bent back for another dozen strikes. Letting the last bit of control slip from my movements, I simply stayed focused on the goal. When the previous hits had been brutal, the next ones were enough to draw the first thin line of internal blood to mix with the dripping white salvia. I had maneuvered completely between her spread legs now to get the best leverage and to spread them even further apart with my own knees. My eyes fixed on hers, they were glazed over which told me clearly that Usagi's consciousness had detached itself somewhat. That was good. Because only there I could reach it in the right manner. Her screams turned into one long screech of begging while the rest of the last dozen strokes followed the first one. Each increasing in power and speed just a little. All aimed for one spot this time. All in the same place. Right on her by now horribly distorted pleasure/pain center. A small part of me wondered briefly, if I wasn't going a bit overboard here and permanently damaging her beyond even what the Ginsishou could heal but... No! It had taken me weeks, MONTHS to get out of this state. I never had someone to help me through. I couldn't let anyone help because they would not have understood, could not have helped probably. But I could. Now I could. "You are a horrible wimp, you know that? You whiny, spoiled brat!" I bellowed over her shrill voice as the last stroke hit home. I doubt she could hear me. Listen maybe, but not hear, not really understand, grasp my words. Now, how to do that? How to properly put the finish on this and flip that switch inside her mind? This was the essential part, the really important part. Everything else would have been done in vain, if I didn't come up with exactly the right method... For one terrible, long moment I had frozen up as my mind drew a blank and Usagi's scream still echoed in my ears despite the short cease in strikes. Then the idea literally jumped me. Really. It is said that words would oven cause more pain than actions. Let's prove that theory, shall we? Reacting on instinct alone, I leaned in closer to her left ear while my right hand turned the whip around, blank hilt pointed forward. In a deathly quiet, yet still husky whisper, I breathed in her ear, right before ramming the hilt into her opening, drilling it deep into her flesh, an inch away from breaking her internal walls: "You know, even your precious little daughter didn't whine that much when I took her virginity in both her tiny holes with fucking, little sticks. Was quite adorable actually how she squirmed, I forgot to snap a picture." Kami. Overdone much? But it did the trick. It really did. I was quite sure I had went a little overboard there with that last comment but quite frankly it was supposed to be. The reaction was remarkably instant. Just finally granted that craved release in one of the most violent ways possible, still riding that volcanic eruption that surely was the closest it came to describing that orgasmic pain explosion, who would have thought that the words even got through to her? I had expected it. Worked towards it after all for the whole time. However, I still couldn't prevent the gasp when Usagi - still on the subsiding waves of her release - had ripped her hands and knees free from the bindings and turned me around with a combination of force, speed and rough pressure that were simply supernatural. After that ordeal, that endurance of punishment that would have sent the strongest and bravest soldier on Earth into unconsciousness a long time ago, she was now looming over me with an actually visible aura of hot white fire all around her, the Ginsishou magic responding to its owner's call in a completely different manner. She looked like an angel. The very Angel of Vengeance. I trembled under that gaze, knowing very well what was to come, feeling the actual heat as she towered over me, her palms pressing into the flesh of my breasts under the layer of leather with unbidden force. I did not say anything, did not talk, did not whimper. Just stared up at her, knowing, also hoping for a tiny bit that she knew that my words had been a lie. A horrible, twisted lie that invoked a maximum of hate. But somehow in the back of her mind she knew that it had been a lie. I followed her hand as she reached down to remove the whip that was still stuck between her lower lips, not even flinching once, and in the process removed the clamps and ring from there and from her breasts too. For a moment she stared at the whip, then back at me and finally threw it aside. Her hand reached for the bag and drew a different one. One that had the steel-lining all over the leather and the end was spiked, just like the gloves. I gulped, a little nervously. Just a little. Quickly catching myself I met her intense, challenging gaze with one of my own. I would let her play dominant for a little while but I would not cave. I would meet her with an equal force. And thus the battle of wills had begun... A/N: Are you still there? Disturbed now already? Yes? Good. I really don't blame you, if you are turning around and running screaming through the house. I really wouldn't blame you.
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