Admin Note: You may be wondering why a story with RAPE and VIOLENCE warnings has made it into an archive about love. Well, it IS a lovely shoujo-ai story...assuming you can make it through the first four chapters. This story now has the honor of being the only submission to be rejected and later accepted. You see, I couldn't make it all the way through the first time. ^_^; But if you can keep reading, it is most definitely worth it. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Mistletoes Story concept by Matthias Engel Based on the works of Takeuchi Naoko Not your usual Christmas tale Answering my self-made Christmas Challenge on Starsinlove Chapter 1: These Are The Ruins of Our Lives <From the Diaries of Tomoe Hotaru> I should have never gone to this party. I had known this was a bad idea from the first moments onwards that Minako happened to come by and invite me to this party. A pre- Christmas party, pah. I bet nobody there even knew what Christmas really stands for, the religious idea behind it and so forth. Japanese are incredible on picking up foreign traditions as holidays. Really. The only thing that seemed to count for them is the shiny decorations, the food and of course... the gifts! Superficial and materialistic - otherwise was that any better than rest of the world? Traditions that completely ignored the traditional idea were a waste in my opinion. And who came up with pre-Christmas parties anyway? I should have known better than to mingle with the social circle the blonde hung around with. But no, I had to go. I had to be weak again and falter under her pleading gaze. Just because I once had a thing for her. Well, that was over now. The last bit of respect had vanished yesterday night or should I say this morning? When I arrived at the so-called party, I felt already out of place. The whole thing was a farce from the getup. There were a few fancy decorations, a huge, totally oversized and tawdry Christmas tree. The house where the party was held was spacious but still crowed with people, to a majority women with some tweedy and slimy men in between that screamed business. Business that you better not wanted to get involved with. The heavy aroma of alcohol, mixed in with various degrees of smoke reached my senses immediately and the music was also rather contradicting to the event. Not really loud but annoying. I already knew I wouldn't stay long and if I had had a few seconds longer to contemplate this action, I would probably have gone right away. As it was Minako spotted and promptly dragged me inside, effectively locking me in this hole that appeared more like a cheap love hotel than a Christmas party. Not that I had actually expected anything else from Minako's work colleagues but I had thought the blonde to at least have some better taste. All in all this only confirmed my suspicion about the business my... friend was active in this days. Modeling... Yeah right! More like getting strip naked and whatever went with that. Who knows what services they had running unofficially. Before I knew it I was in the middle of it. A drink here and drink there, no cigarettes or anything. However, I don't think I was the problem. More like... everyone else. Minako was becoming more flippant and carefree the longer the evening proceeded and I felt more and more disgusted how the majority of the guests displayed their lack of inhibitions. I must have been hit on a dozen time in one hour. The climax was reached though when I had finally managed to excuse myself from the party and was about to quietly slip out of the house. Minako caught up with me which would not have been much of a problem in her state of mind. I was still rather clear in the head and was used to get what I wanted. The drama first started when a few of Minako's "friends" happened to spot us. The moment they called out "Mistletoe" I knew for some unexplainable reason that I was doomed. Sure I refused to do anything the like they implied with my friend. After all Minako was not in a state to be trusted in with even the most harmless of kisses. I mean what a dumb tradition was that anyway? Did whoever invented that not even know what problems that could cause in situations like this one? No, probably not. Before I could react and get the hell out of there, the self- proclaimed Goddess of Love had already sized control of the situation. I had no idea it was possible to go from a kiss to being naked in a bedroom so fast. No really, I didn't. Her lips on mine were not really the synonym of romance. Her breath laced with the smell of alcohol and some cigarettes, poisonous but intoxicating at the same time. I had felt myself melting for some odd reason and was unable to resist. I could not deny at that moment that once - before our world had turned dark - I had found the blonde quite attractive and just for the moment I lost myself in the illusion that there was something more than hormones free of any inhibitions at work. A crucial and fatal mistake. A moment later we were in a sparse room I believe - with a cheap bed, hard mattress and all - and were fucking the hell out off each other for the lack of a better description. Not that I cared for such things. As I said, I am actually a person who always stays in control and I knew I can handle my blonde friend easily... that is until you let yourself be dragged into her area of expertise. Her treatment was harsh, fueled by the alcohol and our less than dreamy lives, but I craved it. I needed to let myself feel something and why not live out a fantasy? Damn, how dumb had I been? My clothing had been ripped before we even had fully entered the room and I was thrust against the next wall by the wild animal that I had succumbed to. I could take it though, I was a Senshi after all. And the Senshi in me craved it. Her hands rough and torturous did leave swellings on my breasts and nipples and down my whole body, I assume. My healing ability would take care of those, no problem. Teeth and fingernails made for an interesting and further arousing combination of pain and bliss. Soon we had hit the bed and the act turned into a game of who would get the most dominance. Of course she was much better at this and physically stronger as well but I held my ground for some time. I surrendered soon though and found myself on the receiving end of a wet pussy in my face while Minako sat dominant on my smaller body and pleasured me with fist and teeth in a way that the only thing I could do from screaming out in a mixture of agony and extreme bliss was to return the favor as equally as possible. That went on for about an hour or so, maybe even more. I didn't have a clock to compare and I don't believe that I would have found time or strength afterwards to do so. This morning, then I finally woke up with barely restrained moans from my aching body, there was no one there anymore. It was about seven and Minako was gone. Only a note in her place. Not really concerned since it was possible that she had to get to work, I had picked it up and read it. "Hotaru-chan... I am sorry for last night. I lost control and wasn't thinking. Maybe it's too much to ask but I hope we still can be friends." I had looked at the note for the entire length of five minutes, staring at the letters as the word's replayed over and over again in my mind. Then, like a bubble, the illusion of last night burst and I didn't bother to control my outburst, as I ripped apart the piece of paper and whacked havoc on the room's interior. I would apologize later... No, I would not. Quite frankly I never have felt so betrayed in my whole life. Coldness, uncaring parents and schoolmates, that I was familiar with. That I could handle. I was an expert in ignoring people's opinions and simply live my life as I seemed fit. But this kind of hurt... This betrayal... I had thought last night was special, that despite the rough start it could become the start of a new beginning maybe. An escape from the trash that our life had turned into. How could I have been so foolish? Of course, it didn't mean anything to her. No, it was probably just a fling, a spur of the moment to satisfy her needs, who knew how many people she had fucked in this business already. Hell, maybe I got myself some disease now! I was just somebody for a good ride and then could be cast aside like everybody else, wasn't I? Someone who wasn't even worth to stay with afterwards. Once I had respected Aino Minako, looked up to her. After Galaxia's defeat Inners and Outers had trained together frequently and Minako had often took me aside to train my combat skills which I admit were barely above Ami's level when you didn't count the glaive. I had envied her for her skill and leadership abilities and most of all that she treated me as the Senshi I was, not the little princess that had to be protected from herself as my stepparents often did. A friend. She hoped we could still be friends? Who the hell did she think she was? I am not a slut! Every other person I would have given a piece of mind if they dared as much as touching me. And I had did so numerous times yesterday evening. Well to hell with it! I had known before and felt myself only confirmed that emotions were for weaklings. I think my alter ego had the right idea. The only thing it got you when you showed emotion was getting hurt. An emotion as well. Feh. Love was a hollow concept and I would not fall again for it. The bitch could stuck her friendship somewhere else, preferably up her ass. No thank you, I could live very well without it. It's getting dark, I better finish now. I have work to do after all. Something much more satisfying than the misery of emotion. I had already lost one night because of that fiasco. (Minako) I don't think she was pleased. Really, Minako, what were you thinking? As if what you've done wasn't bad enough already, you had to leave her alone at your friend's house, in an empty bed with a silly note that you would have smashed right through the roof with a Crescent Beam if it had been you in her place? No really, that was pathetic. I wouldn't wonder too much when she never wanted to have anything to with you for awhile or for like... forever? Kuso. How could I have screwed up so much the remaining bit of companionship that still had been there? I should have known better than to invite her to that party. A party, yes, very funny term... I really should have known better. She wouldn't resist. Of course she wouldn't resist for her craving for comfort and feeling was equally as strong as mine and Usagi's these days. But was that really comfort I gave her? Had I really been implying feeling? Yeah sure... I, Aino Minako, the Goddess of Love am an expert on this field, aren't I? A grand expert of how to screw people, in one way or another. And I had done so with Hotaru. Screwing her in that sense and with that screwing up the last bit of friendship that was still there. A friendship I cherished because I did not have anyone else - even with Usagi it was different these days - and a friendship that I didn't want to lose. I liked the little raven, really. A lot. Probably a lot more than I ever wanted to admit to myself. But I could forget that now. This night hadn't been emotional. There was no feeling there, just lust, passion and a lot of sex. Not what we really needed. I don't think leaving made it that much worse. But it certainly helped. Then I had woken up yesterday morning, next to one of the only two people I could still call "friends", naked and with a massive hangover from too much alcohol and the marathon fucking, I didn't really know what to do. I wanted to stay and maybe talk it out with her, but the gravity of what I had done was weighing down on me heavily and I just couldn't stand it. I admit I was a chicken, I wasn't able to look in her eyes and see the accusation and disgust there. Thus, I ran. That this would come out of the evening I should have known but I had ignored all the warnings anyway. And now I stood in front of the shards from the broken mirror and didn't know what to do. How to make this right again? Was it even possible to make it right again? "Hey, Venus." Oh please, not her. Mariko, my "friend" - I mentally spat at the term - who had hosted the party. This was my first workday afterwards and I had to run into her first of all people. Oh joy. This cheesy, annoying and seductive grin on her oh-so- pretty face, I wanted to wipe... or should I make that whip it right off? She thinks she's the best, is standing over everybody and the prettiest woman alive. Ami could have beaten her on natural charm. "Hey, did you talk to your friend. She seemed pretty upset then she left, wrecked the whole room. Didn't she like it? After all that would be a first for you..." I don't think she ever saw the slap coming or expected to be hurled right on an office table, full with computer and everything. With a crash, she brought everything down with her on the other side and the desk was shaking dangerously... but didn't fall. A pity. Everyone stared from Mariko to me and back. I don't think anyone minded that it was her on the receiving end but the action took notice of course. "I take the day off," I declared with a menacing look to everyone in general, whirled around and stalked out of the door, leaving silence behind... and a probably severally injured Mariko. It didn't help though that she was most of the time my work partner. So I probably had to do her a favor when I came back. Making this kinds of favors, however, seemed to be the only thing I did anyway nowadays. And despite what she thought of herself, she was quite easy to please. Nothing compared to two Senshi on the verge of ecstasy. Shit, I needed to take my mind off of that subject but didn't know how. I had made a few calls yesterday but either Hotaru hadn't been home or was simply not answering and I didn't dare a direct confrontation yet. That would probably be a bad idea. Not that I had much hope anyway. Looking up I sighed in quiet defeat. As if on autopilot I had wound up at the Tsukino-ke. Usagi was surprisingly still living home... Otherwise maybe it was not that surprising. Knowing that I would most likely wind up doing the exact thing I wanted to get away from for some time, I rung the bell and waited. Usagi must have seen me from above or something because she had me already halfway pulled in before my finger even had left the buzzer. "Minako-chan, it is good to see you!" My blonde friend proceeded to drag me through the house and I only managed a weak hello to Ikuko-san before we were up the stairs. Usagi paused in her enthusiasm - which I knew all too well was a false front - when she noticed my distant expression. I tried my best to look nonchalant but I guess nobody could really blame me in my situation. Frowning Usagi sat down on her bed, the happy mood already fading to be replaced by this sad and depressed eyes that always looked at me pleadingly. I sighed, closing and locking the door behind us and walking over to her. Silently I sat down and waited. It was sort of like a ritual. Sometimes we'd talk, sometimes we'd just got down to business, so to speak. I could never really predict in which mood she was anymore. Just depressed or simply fed up with everything. I couldn't believe her family was apparently fooled. Even Naru seemed to by it although they didn't see each other that often anymore. Maybe they just thought she was growing up. Oh yeah, we were doing that just fine. Too quickly. We should have enjoyed this years. Heck, we should probably already be in a great crystalline palace and rule over the world. A peaceful world, a happy world. An utopia. A fantasy, nothing more. I felt her hand on my shoulder and since she didn't talk in the few minutes we sat there, I guess that meant down to business. Give her some feeling, at least her. She deserved it. Hotaru had deserved it too... A blurry memory flashed in front of my mind's eye and I winced. "Usa-chan, I can't... not today..." It was still too fresh. The wound would take time to heal and in this state I might even end up hurting my Princess too. Yes, she was still my Princess. Even though Crystal Tokyo was never going to come. After all, she was still the reincarnation of Serenity. In the future it would have been Queen. Would have been... I had no idea how she had managed to lift my shirt without me noticing it but somehow she did and I couldn't help but moan as soft fingers played over bare skin. Softly, sensitive and sensual. What was wrong with this picture here? "Usa..." I tried but she put a finger on my lips and then kissed me lightly. More like brushing, feather light. "What's bothering you?" Damn, what the hell was she doing to me, that was not in the usual game plan. My mind had to grasp hard on reality to give her an answer, as she trailed kisses down from my neck, along my throat and further down. Answering though was hard, honestly answering was hard. Because that meant admitting that I had messed up. And Usagi had wanted this Christmas party, just us three. We hadn't done that in a long time. Hoping to hide the tears that were threatening to well up, I pulled her up to my level and give her a longing kiss that left her gasping for air. "Hotaru... It's just... Gomen... I messed up big time..." I choked out between barely restrained sobs, ashamed to break down here, in front of my Princess, my best friend. Usagi would never think anything of it but I felt vulnerable all of a sudden. Something I hadn't allowed myself too feel for a long time. You had to stay in control in this business or you were gone quicker than you could say goodbye. "Kami, how can I ever make that right again?" I asked and was not sure if it was directed at her or myself. Surely my babbling didn't make much sense right now. Usagi was kissing me again, following her earlier path. My head jerked up... or maybe down, when she reached for the clasp of my bra. Suddenly it made an almost ridiculous ironic kind of sense. Looking up at me my friend smiled softly. "Let it go, Minako. Just let it go for tonight, I'll make it better." Usagi, my Princess, the person I had been giving "favors" simply because she asked me after the depression had become too much, had completely turned the principle around. I knew it was false, not really real, just the need to feel something, anything. This time, however, it was me needing her. More than ever. (Usagi) The sky was clad in darkness today. Thick, black clouds, heavy rain, thunder rattling the earth - I hated thunder. A lightning bolt struck only a few feet away and made me flinch. The light illuminated the darkness and briefly bathed the schoolyard of Juuban High and its occupants in an eerie light. Tomorrow would be Graduation Day and by then we probably had the place messed up beyond reckoning. The creatures opposing us were sickening to look at. Faces warped into disgusting masks with sharp and bent teeth, some with eyes hanging from their sockets or ears half cut off. Slime, blood and other substances that I didn't even want to know about dripped from their mouths... or should I call them gorges? Perhaps. Limbs often not more than that with sharp, pronounced claws. Not to forget that some of them looked as if they could crush someone with their small "finger". I wanted to throw up, really, and only Mamoru's hand on my shoulder kept me from simply turning tail and running. Maybe I should have... There was no word spoken, no prolonging to the battle. Another flash lit the area for a brief moment blinding me and then the screaming started. The first one was from Ami and I could only watch in abject shock as the horror had already began unfolding. It was far too late for any of us to react. One of the things had ripped right through our tight formation, scattering my Senshi everywhere and had gone straight for the weakest - in terms of combat. With a blade-like arm it was upon her before she could finish her scream and the upwards slash, through clothing and sensitive skin alike, was swift and brutal, ending only then it reached her chin and took her head right off. A numb feeling began to spread through my whole body as I stared helplessly at one of my oldest friends... or what remained of her. At the same time something I had never felt before tried to break through the surface and rage havoc. Anger. Fury. Rage. I wanted that thing and its whole brute dead, slaughtered and damned in the fires of the nine hells for all eternity. Before the scream of anguish could leave my throat though it got stuck there. Stuck because the next attack was meant for me. And as the courageous protector he was Tuxedo Kamen pushed me aside and held up his cane to deflect the punch. The stone-like monster did not even falter as it cut through the object and rammed his oversized fist deep into Tuxedo Kamen's stomach. Before he could as much as vocalize his pain, the Golem monster had grabbed him and enveloped his body in a crushing bear hug that was beyond doubt deadly. I heard bones cracking. "No..." A cry of pain I had never heard a human being - let alone my beloved - emitting, blood spraying from his throat and veins. "No..." A sickening sound and one last blood-filled scream, then silence. "No..." The monster let the twisted and broken body fall to the ground right to my feet. "No..." I sank to my knees, my eyes surely blank and my heart all cold and... almost non-existent. I couldn't have told you where it had vanished too at that moment. With a hand, much like a robot I reached out and paused briefly to gently stroke the face that lay peaceful in my mind's eyes, with a content and serene expression on the ground in front of me. In reality of course, there was no peace, only a grimace and distorted features, eyes rolled back and the mouth smeared with its owner's blood, blood was also flowing from the throat and other parts. However, I didn't see all that, when I reached over to close his eyes gently. After that I just sat back and watched in a state of blissful ignorance. Reality had slipped through my grasp and I could only sit back and follow the nightmare that was in front of me. The nightmare I would surely wake up from soon. I had long since stopped sitting upright and screaming at the dreams. What use was it anyway? Trying to slow down my irregular heart rate and breathing I simply snuggled closer to the body of warmth next to me, basking in the fantasy that it was Mamoru there. It hadn't been a nightmare and I hadn't "woken up" from it. I had just been brought back to reality. By then it was far too late to save anyone else. It had taken the simultaneous deaths... no, make that slaughters of Rei and Luna - in human form by that time - that had snapped me out of my comatose state. Seeing them buried by a pile of vicious and loathsome monsters, their screams of torture and mauling breaking the haze of the illusion that all this was just a dream. Hot tears of anger finally spilled from my eyes as I helplessly watched Luna literally being impaled on her own tail. I think I would never forget the look on her face of agonizing pain as a part of herself was ruthlessly twisted around and thrust into her... without stopping. Mars tried to reach her in time but only got one breast already visible through her torn shirt cut off for her troubles. Her face reflecting the agony, she still managed to take the thrust right through her heart that was meant for me by the enemy's sword. I exploded. Literally. The Ginsishou in my hands a hot, blazing nova of light. Venus and Saturn were at my side immediately. They had been the only ones that survived besides me. Jupiter had been killed early in a rush of blinded rage at seeing Mercury slaughtered. I guess the speculations that something had been going on between them were justified. Artemis didn't last either but Luna kept going anyway. The Outers fought well but separated from each other, they didn't last long either. Neptune had been the first, amazingly Uranus lasted past Pluto who had tried to put all her power into one desperate attack but never managed to complete it, before her staff had been used against her in a way, I really didn't want to go into detail about. Somehow Venus and Saturn had survived the general slaughter, keeping close to each other and fending off their attackers but not managing much more. Then they joined me, they were humanly reckoning. Their fukus torn in a way that left them practically naked, bleeding from places I didn't know you could even bleed from. But still breathing, still alive. There had only been one look exchanged, one confirmation of brutal, merciless vengeance. Our hands joined, the crystal floated in mid-air and rose above our heads as Saturn brought her blood-smeared Glaive to bear and Venus wrapped her golden heart chain around it. We all had one hand on the hilt and one reached up for the crystal. What really happened next I could not tell you. The wave of all-consuming light bursting forward was pure fire. Like a rage of the gods themselves, Azabu-Juuban would forever remember the day when the epic column of power streaked to the heavens and the cry of three souls merged in despair echoing through the town. Propping up on my elbows I turned to look at the blonde next to me. Her sleep beyond troubled but I was not sure, if by the same things. At least not to me. I knew what had happened, well I thought that I did. I could feel her energy on her, still fresh but dimming. I had no idea how but we might have connected on some level this day that was beyond my understanding. That's why I could feel Hotaru's energy there, especially a few hours ago when we made love... No, more like comforted each other. It was ironic actually that it had been me comforting her this time although I had longed for her before we had begun. Maybe that was alright, she deserved it, she deserved so much more. Minako had been there for me when I needed her... needed someone. She had been there than the loneliness and cold feeling in my heart had become too much and I wanted nothing more than to end this miserable existence. But I couldn't do that, they had all died for me, died to protect me until their last breath. I couldn't do this to them, to their memory. With Minako I could forget for a few hours and just enjoy the feeling. Some feeling. Any feeling. But... She deserved more. I knew she wanted Hotaru, loved her... even if the harsh reality of our lives didn't allow her to admit it. They had become awfully close before the horrendous day and I had secretly hoped that they would find a way to escape their only loneliness with each other. Yet, instead of driving them to each other after the event, it all went wrong. Hotaru became distant and cold like her alter ego, not caring much anymore. She worked in a bar now or something, as what even I didn't know. And Minako, Minako had tried again and again to reach out to her, to both of us. While I let her, simply because I needed it myself, Hotaru had always resented. Minako had become bitter and careless. I knew she was drinking a lot... and smoking. I didn't even want to think about her work. She still loved her though. I knew that beyond a doubt. Or maybe I just didn't want to allow myself to fall back into the fantasy that there was something different than craved feeling in the nights Minako and I shared. It was a fantasy and nothing more because they deserved some happiness and I couldn't give them that, neither of them. Because I didn't deserve it. What did someone deserve who let their friends die anyway?
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