---Editorial--- "Ladies and gentleman," the announcer's voice said, "Once again, in the interest of fairness we offer a rebuttal to the omake series 'Mamoru Must Die'." A rather tall and somewhat muscular person in a blue dress comes out to stand in front of a set of curtains, a hastily put on black wig sat crookedly on his head and a suspicious five o'clock shadow present. "Hello," the obvious man in drag said in a high squeaky voice, "I'm Rei, and I want to speak out against this series 'Mamoru Must Die!' While I understand that there are some jerks... er, misguided but loveable fans out there that are fans of the Rei and Usagi pairing, killing off the handsome, brave and heroic Mamoru is just juvenile. All of you out there wanting Rei... er... me to be teamed with Usagi should be ashamed, especially when she already has such an incredibly wonderful, terrific chick magnet like Mamoru. I..." Makoto walked out from behind the curtain, her arms crossed and an annoyed look in her eyes, "Mamoru, what in the hell are you doing?" The guy in drag grinned nervously as he sweatdropped, "Mamoru?" he asked in the same high pitched, squeaky voice, "I don't know what you mean. I'm Rei." Makoto narrowed her eyes, "That's funny." she said, "We just found another young lady claiming to be Rei who has a lump on her head from where she was knocked out and who was tied up and left in her actor's trailer. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you, 'Rei'?" "Er... Well I... Hey, look over there!" he said, pointing at something behind her. Makoto turned to look, and the man in drag ran for it. She then turned back angrily. "Mamoru, get back here!" she yelled as she gave chase. ---Omake Seven: Grand Prix--- Pit row was slowly filling up with racecars as Haruka paced back and forth nervously. Mamoru, along with Michiru, Makoto and Ami, were down on the racetrack with Haruka's pit crew as the sandy blonde's team of mechanics went over her vehicle one last time. "Ruka, hon," Michiru said out of concern, "I've never seen you this nervous about a race before. You're practically shaking." "I... I know." the racecar driver acknowledged, "But this isn't the junior circuit anymore. This is the big league. And the guys I'm racing, they're legends Michi-chan. Legends!" "Well, whoever they are," Mamoru offered, "You know you have us here to offer out support." "That's right." Ami added. "Ditto!" Makoto put in. Haruka smiled at her friends and fellow Senshi; she was glad to have friends like them in her corner. She then looked up into the stands and saw Minako sitting with Rei and Usagi, the three young women holding up a banner reading "Go Ruka!" on it. Then, with the sound of the engine that was pulling up behind her, all the joy sucked out of her. She turned to look at the legendary competition she'd be facing... ------ "Come on Sparky!" Pops yelled, "The Mach Five has to be up at peak performance for Speed to win this race against the mysterious Racer X and that new racer to the circuit Tenoh Haruka who is rumored to be one of the top up and comers which means the car has to be running perfectly for Speed to win!" "Don't Worry." Sparky answered, "I've been working on the Mach Five now for the last twenty-four hour straight boy am I sleepy but I drank plenty of coffee to keep me awake and now I know the car's up to the challenge for Speed Racer to win this race against Racer X and Tenoh Haruka." As Racer X's car number nine pulled into pit row behind the Mach Five, A young man with dashing good looks ran over to Pops and Sparky. "Hello Pops and Sparky I can't wait for the race to get started there sure are a lot of cars on the track today but I remember the two of you telling me that the two to watch out for were the mysterious Racer X and the new racer to the track Tenoh Haruka so it's a good thing Trixie will be up in her helicopter to help me out via radio because..." As Speed Racer continued talking, Michiru turned away. The artist had been listening in on the conversations taking place and now looked over to Haruka, only to find her beloved looking confused, "Ruka love?" "Hmmm?" the blond asked. "You look puzzled about something." "I am. I'm trying to figure something out Michi-chan." "What?" the artist asked. "Exactly how the fuck they can talk that long without taking a breath." the blond answered. ---One Hour Later--- Haruka was making good time around the curves, swerving through the competition until there were just two racers in front of her; Speed Racer in the lead and Racer X in second place. As they neared one of the tighter curves, Haruka managed to swerve by Racer X on the bottom of the track, moving her into second place behind Speed and his Mach Five. It was then that the trunk of the Mach Five opened to reveal its two diminutive occupants; Speed Racer's younger brother Spritle, and the boy's pet chimpanzee Chim-Chim. Spritle was alarmed, "Oh no look Chim-Chim that new racer Haruka is gaining on speed and may end up overtaking him we have to do something to help out big brother but what can we do?" Chim-Chim, being a chimpanzee, did what any other chimpanzee in a similar situation would've done. He put his hand behind himself, pooped, and flung the feces at the perceived threat in the car racing towards him and his human companions. Unfortunately, the simian decided to use his disgusting act of self-defense just as Speed was passing by the judges, earning the racing legend an instant disqualification. Equally unfortunate was how easily Haruka was able to avoid the projectile. The disgusting missile, now traveling at high speeds and being born along by the winds caused by cars traveling at close to two hundred miles an hour, ended up traveling all the way into pit row. "Hey, what's that?" Ami asked. "Huh?" Mamoru asked as he turned around, "What's what? I..." SPLAT! Mamoru was silenced as a chimpanzee turd traveling close to one hundred and fifty miles an hour slammed into his face. Up in the stands, Minako, Rei and Usagi looked on in horror as the now disoriented future king of Crystal Tokyo stumbled onto the track. ------ Meanwhile, in racecar number nine, Racer X was brooding as he talked to himself. "Haruka has passed me but I cannot let her get past Speed Racer since if she did that she would then win and I'd finish third when I really need to win in order to reveal my true identity to Speed and Pops because Speed does not know that I Racer X am really Rex Racer Speed's older brother and ut-oh wait a second what's that?" CRASH! Racer X raced on, leaving behind Mamoru's twitching body. Before the paramedics could arrive, fifteen more cars left their tire treads across his body as well. "Oh my God," Ami yelled, "They killed Mamoru!" "You bastards!" Makoto added. ---Half an Hour Later--- The race was immediately cancelled due to Team Speed's poor sportsmanship and the tragic death of Chiba Mamoru. Since Haruka was in second place when Speed was disqualified, she was declared the winner. As the three Senshi up in the stands came down to join the others, over by the Mach Five Pops was going ballistic. "Spritle you and that retarded monkey of yours cost Speed the championship young man that's it I'm sending your stupid ass to military school and I'm going to take that stupid chimp to the vet on Monday to get him fixed AAAAARGH!" Michiru, who was listening in, tilted her head a bit. She then turned to her love. "You're right." she told Haruka, "They do talk a lot without pausing to take a breath, don't they?" Meanwhile, as Usagi looked down on Mamoru's poop-stained corpse, Rei came over and put a consoling hand on her friend's shoulder. "Usagi, I... I'm so sorry, I..." "No." Usagi said softly, "It's okay, really. You see, I was planning on breaking up with him anyways. I tried to love him Rei, I really did, for the future and all. But I just couldn't. I'm already in love with someone else." Rei's heart began to flutter, "Really?" she asked, trying not to get her hopes up, "Who?" Usagi looked away from Mamoru's now cold body to meet the Fire Senshi's eyes, "You." she said, "I love you Rei, I have for a while now. I was going to end it with Mamo-chan and ask you to... God, I don't even know if you feel the same way about me, but I... sniff sniff... Geez, what did that friggin' monkey eat? Anyways, I love you Rei, and... And if you gave me a chance, I..." Rei cut her off as she rushed forward to embrace the blond, their lips meeting as they clung to one another. Finally separating, they joined hands and walked off the track as the first aid station rushed over to help the sudden rash of nosebleeds in Team Speed's area of pit row caused by the sight of two girls getting romantic. ---To Be Continued---
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