Unexpected Emotions After Usagi had confessed to the others about her true feelings for Mamoru everyone had gone home again. Except for Usagi and Mamoru. Rei had asked Usagi to stay a bit longer because she wanted to discuss something with her. Mamoru had decided to go and wait in the car for his fiancée."Usagi...I am completely behind you on this but I don't think that lying to Mamoru will make things better. Maybe worse but not better." The raven haired girl said. "I know Rei, but I can't find the courage to tell him. I know I will have to face him about this soon but...I can't hurt him." The blonde replied, looking down at the ground. They had been seated on the couch for a couple of minutes now, she had already started wondering when Rei would finally bring up the reason for wanting her to stay a bit longer. "You're already hurting him. You could've told him you were at Michiru's place. I still don't understand why you had to lie to him and make him worried about...well nothing." Rei said. She paused for a moment, waiting for Usagi to finally face her. When the blonde didn't look up nor move at all she decided just to go on."Usagi, I've seen it in your eyes before. The love you feel or felt for Mamoru. It was real. You can't deny that. What is bothering me now is this simple question, did you manage to fool even me or is there someone else?" It took Usagi a couple of minutes to come over her shock. So Rei had figured out? Until now Usagi thought she had managed to keep it a secret."I never felt love for him. Only friendship." The blonde lied.'Oh god...' The blonde princess thought.'I can't tell her...not her.' Yes, Usagi had a crush on Rei Hino. That was something she had come to realise a long time ago. After seeing the raven haired senshi die by the hands of Galaxia. No, before that she had felt those similair feeling towards the other. "You can't hide stuff from me Usagi, so who is the lucky guy, Motoki, Seiya?" Rei questioned. Luckily for Usagi it was dark inside of the room or else Rei would've seen her blush out of embarrasment. Sure Rei was open minded but to find out that some chick had a crush on you couldn't leave that same impact of reaction."So who is it?" "I have to go." Usagi stammered."Mamoru is waiting!" And with that said she jumped up and hurried out of the room. Rei wanted to get up and stop the running blonde but decided not to follow her. Something told her that it was the best to leave Usagi alone for a while. This was obviously bothering Usagi. When Usagi reached the car she found Mamoru talking to Setsuna. Next to Setsuna stood Haruka. This kind of surprised the blonde.'I can't believe they have the guts to show up here after what they did to Michiru!' "Ah Usako, look who stopped by." Mamoru said, turning his head to his fiancée. Usagi nodded and faked a smile, looking up at the two women in front of her. It was obvious that Haruka and Setsuna had noticed the angered look in the blonde's eyes. Even Mamoru noticed, ofcourse he had no idea of what was going on."Uh they were looking for you Usako." He added, the tone in his voice was full of unasked questions. "Hey Usagi.." Haruka said. She was kind of annoyed with Mamoru's presence at this time. Couldn't he feel that he was unwanted at this point. Ofcourse she had no idea of how unwanted he really was."We, me and Setsuna...We wanted to talk with you about..." She paused, looking at the black haired guy who seemed to be waiting for her to continue. "I have nothing to say to you Haruka. What you did to Michiru is terrible. You just threw her away and broke her heart. You can't possibly know how she is feeling right now. She is crying Haruka and it is all because of you. You can't just play with someone's heart and then decide you had enough and break it, you're a selfish..." Usagi stopped talking once she realised she was doing the exact same thing to Mamoru. "A selfish what, person?" Haruka asked. It was written all over her face that she was obviously hurt by the small blonde's words but at the same time she seemed to be holding back her true opinion towards the princess in front of her."I know I am a selfish person, I know I hurt Michiru by leaving but staying with her would've hurt her more..." The tomboy finally said. "Haruka..." Setsuna started but was cut off by Usagi. "Shut up!" Everyone looked down at the raging blonde in shock. This was the first time they had ever seen her this angry. When Usagi realised what she had just said and in what way she gazed down at the street."I am sorry..." She whispered as a tear fell down her face.'It's like Haruka is trying to show me I am doing wrong by staying with Mamoru.' The black haired man who had been sitting in the car quickly stepped out to hold his fiancée. He was sure now that something was indeed bothering her."Usako.." She whispered as he stroke her back. At this action she pulled away. "Don't touch me..." She cried, stepping backwards. Haruka and Setsuna watched this scence with shocked and surprised looks on their faces. This couldn't possibly be about Haruka breaking up with Michiru anymore. This was about something else."Usagi are you okay?" The green haired woman tried as she stepped closer to the crying blonde. Instead of letting Setsuna come nearer Usagi stepped back a few steps more. She was now standing in the middle of the street while looking at the three persons in front of her."Please just leave me alone." She then begged. Usagi didn't know what it was that had made her lose her calm and reserved facade but she did know she had ruined it now. There was no way she could ever lie out of this one. "Usagi, come back here." Haruka started."You have to realise that the position you are in is a very dangerous one. And I don't mean...ah just get off the street before some drunk driver decides to hit you at full speed." Usagi who was too busy trying to make up excuses for her behaviour didn't even hear the tomboy's warning nor words. Instead of that she managed to trip over a rock that lay on the street. The fall seemed to make her realise where she was again. Ofcourse a bit too late. A car was driving into her direction at full speed and seemed to be unable to stop in time."Usagi!" She could hear Haruka yell as she closed her eyes and waited for the car to hit her. Much to her surprise it never came. The only thing she felt was someone push her aside as she landed in the grass. ---- Michiru was lying on her bed, facing the ceiling once again. She didn't feel like watching television or going out. Everything she did and everywhere she went reminded her of her times with Haruka.'I am so pathetic, she's probaby having sex with Setsuna at this point and here I am thinking of her and secretly wishing for her to come back to me...' Upon hearing the doorbell she sat up and looked at the alarm clock. It was past 9pm, who would visit her at this time of day? Deciding there was only one way to figure that out she stood up and started to head for the front door. Slowly she opened the front door. It was only natural to be surprised upon seeing Usagi stand in front of her. Her eyes were swollen because she had obviously cried a lot. In fact she was still crying, she just didn't make a sound while doing it."Usagi, what's wrong? Come in!" The aqua haired girl yelped as she took the blonde's hands in hers and lead her into the hall. "Just hold me.." Usagi pleaded. Michiru just obeyed and put her arms around the smaller girl, holding her tightly. After standing there in the hall for a couple of minutes Michiru finally pulled back a little, looking into the other's blue eyes with concern."What's the matter Usagi, did you tell Mamoru about.." "No." The blonde cut the other off. "Oh." Michiru paused."Then what is the matter sweety?" Usagi pulled herself closer to the older woman again, burrying her head on the other's shoulder."I lost it." She sobbed."I couldn't take it anymore and...I am so sorry to bother you again but I didn't know where else to go and Rei found out about me and now Mamoru is hurt because, because he...and I am so confused. I just don't know anymore..." She was now crying again. To Michiru this didn't make any sence ofcourse but she knew better than to ask. Once again she put her arms around the crying girl."Shh it's ok." She whispered."It's ok. You're not bothering me at all you know that." "I know." Usagi lied. She knew that Michiru had other things to do besides hearing her complain and cry all the time. With that thought on her mind she pulled back again. Stepping back until she reached the door, leaning against it."I am sorry Michiru, I shouldn't have come here." "That's alright. I wasn't doing anything useful anyway. Why don't you come inside and I'll make us some tea and then you can tell me what exactly is bothering you." Michiru said with a smile on her face that made Usagi forget about her problems for a few seconds. Unconsciously Usagi just nodded as she followed the aqua haired girl into the livingroom where she sat down on the large chair next to the couch. "I don't really want tea." Usagi said when she saw Michiru head for the kitchen."I just need someone to talk to right now." She added. "Alright." Came the reply. Slowly Michiru turned around and walked back to the couch and sat down on it. She just sat there for a couple of moments, waiting for the blonde to start talking. "Mamoru is in hospital." Usagi finally said."I started crying and stepped onto the street and a car...it couldn't stop and I thought I was going to die so I just..." Usagi was still crying but seemed to be able to speak very well at the same time."He pushed me aside only to get hit by the car himself...He saved me. I would've been the one lying in that hospital bed right now but...but...since I never told him he saved me. He loves me and he...I should've told him and..I would, no I should be.." "Calm down Usagi." Michiru said, standing up to place her hand on the blonde's shoulder."Don't blame yourself. No one was holding a gun to his face and forcing him to rescue you. It was a noble thing of him to do." The aqua haired girl's words made Usagi feel guilty about leaving out that Haruka and Setsuna were there as well. They saw the whole scence. Usagi shook her head."The docter says he is going to make it. He just needs rest and...I don't know. I haven't even found the courage to visit him. He must be waiting for me right now but...I can't face him Michiru. I just can't." The other nodded. She could understand Usagi's point of view completely. If it had been her in Usagi's position and Haruka in Mamoru's she would've probably hadn't had the courage to visit her either.'There I go again, thinking of her!' She scolded herself. "I understand Usagi. You may not believe me but I can imagine how you must be feeling right now." "God is punishing me. Rei found out that there was something I like and a few moments after that Mamoru..." She swallowed hard."Mamoru..." "You like someone?" Michiru asked. She had to admit that she was surprised upon hearing that. Usagi nodded."I am not proud of it but yes. And don't ask me who...You'll act all shocked and say you'd never thought of me like that and..." "You'll never know how I will react if you don't try me." Michiru interrupted the other. She had to admit that Usagi was making her curious about this mysterious person she liked. But that wasn't the only thing, she was also glad that she had mananged to change the subject by asking her question. Usagi seemed to have less of a hard time with this subject than the other. "It's a woman..." Usagi whispered. It was almost too inaudible but Michiru managed to figure out the other's words. Or atleast the 'female' part. "I am not shocked and I did kind of expect it." Michiru said with an honest smile on her face that mananged to surprise the other. "You aren't and you did?" Usagi asked, giving Michiru a 'please explain' look. The older woman giggled at that."It's Rei, isn't it?" Usagi went wide eyed at this. How did she know, was it that obvious? Instead of replying with words she just nodded."Don't worry. I think no one else noticed it." The aqua haired girl said as if reading the blonde's mind."I can't explain it but let's just say that I knew somehow." "She'll be disgusted with me." Usagi whispered, looking down at the ground once more. "You're making a habit out of it." The other's voice came causing Usagi to look up again. "Out of what?" "Assuming things. How can you know she'll be disgusted with you when you haven't even told her yet?" "I just know." It was a childish reply. Even Usagi knew that but she couldn't help it. Part of her knew that Michiru was right on the other hand she didn't want to admit it. "Besides even if she would be interested in me as well, I got no experience once so ever with..." "Lesbian relationships?" Michiru finished for her. "Yeah. Rei has dated a few girls in the past..." Usagi got cut off at that point. "If she dated girls in the past then how can you be so stupid to assume she'll be disgusted with you?" "No, No." Usagi quickly said."I didn't mean disgusted as in being a homophobe or anything. I meant...being disgusted with me for loving her. We fight a lot you know." "You're just too insecure if you ask me." The other stated as a matter of fact. Usagi closed her eyes for a moment, wondering if she would or wouldn't ask the question that was on her mind ever since this subject came to the matter."C-can...can you..." She paused again, not daring to look up until she felt the other's hands cup her face. Forcing her on this way to face her. "Don't be afraid to ask me for hints or help Usagi." Michiru started."You know I am willing to help you with all your ques..." "Teach me." Usagi interrupted the other. Michiru was kind of shocked by this. Did Usagi mean that in the way she thought she did? Michiru swallowed, giving the other a questioning look."I mean...Teach me how to love a woman." At first Michiru wanted to apologize to Usagi and say no but after giving it a second thought she decided otherwise."If I help you...Promise me that you'll be sincere with Mamoru and visit him in the hospital. Then, when you are sure you can tell Rei about yuor feelings." Usagi nodded.'She doesn't know what I meant.' She then realised."Michiru...I didn't mean..." She paused once more. "I know." Michiru whispered as she took a deep breath and offered Usagi her hand. After hesitating for a few moments Usagi took the other's hand and let herself being pulled up from the chair, straight into the other's arms. Michiru didn't seem to show any sign of doubt nor hesitation and just pressed her lips on those of Usagi. At this point she started getting doubts about this and when she was about to pull away again something inside of her stopped her from actually doing it. Usagi had felt the same thing. At first all she could think of was how she was betraying Mamoru by kissing Michiru but when she wanted to pull back she was stopped. A voice in her mind screamed at her, begged her not to pull away from the kiss. And to be honest, Usagi didn't want to pull back. Before any of them knew their kiss grew more passionate as if they were both trying to catch up with the love they had missed for quite some time. But that couldn't be possibly it. After all they weren't lovers, they weren't in love with one another. But why, why did this feel so good when it was so wrong? Michiru had now opened her mouth for the other's tongue to enter. For quite some time they had just stood there, letting eachother's tongues explore the other's mouth. Both a bit out of breath they pulled back."Michiru..." Usagi whispered, her voice sounded different than usual. Michiru couldn't quite explain it. "Usagi..." Michiru started but before she could say anything else she felt Usagi's lips pressed to hers once more. Part of her wanted to stop this because to her it still felt like she was being unfaithful to Haruka, another part of her said the exact opposite. She needed to feel the warmth of someone next to her in the morning again, to feel loved. The blonde who had totally forgotten about her problems slowly started to unbotton Michiru's white blouse until it dropped to the ground. They pulled back for a moment. Usagi's eyes examining the girl in front of her. Michiru was wearing a black strapless bra and was looking at her with a seductive look on her face as if she was asking Usagi to continue undressing her without using actual words. This was wrong and they both knew it. They didn't know what had gotten into them but somehow, even though they knew this wasn't right, they weren't even trying to stop their actions. Instead of that it seemed like them knowing this for a fact was only making it worse.'Are we that desperate to feel loved?' Was the last thing Michiru could remember herself thinking before she completely gave into the feeling of... Lust? Love? Or something else? To Be Continued.. Ah that wasn't what you all had expected of it had you? To be honest, this chapter didn't quite go as I planned it myself. I found it hard to believe Usagi would do such a thing while Mamoru was in hospital but at the other hand I couldn't think of a better moment. People do strange things when they're put under a lot of stress or when they are confused. I hope this chapter gave all of you a better insight of the true emotions that are behind the facades the characters put up. As always, let me know what you think! Ah and any bets on what is going to happen in the next chapter? No? I'll give you a hint, it has something to do with Haruka, Usagi and Michiru. Plus Mamoru's broken heart.
Back to The Angel Beside Me Index - Back to Sailor Moon Shoujo-Ai Fanfiction