It seems that the two couldn't even walk over a simple bridge without
getting into some sort of situation that needed resolving. The bridge,
though wide enough to accommodate four vehicles, and long enough to
take almost a minute to pass over, didn't seem big enough for Keiko at
that exact moment. Especially with a blathering Troll on one side of
her, and a blathering super sized walking goat on the other end (with
his two brothers watching from one side alongside Eve).
"We were the selfish ones." the huge Goat bleated, bent down on it's
version of a knee, "We only wanted to save our own skins, and we
totally neglected your needs. Please, eat me now!"
Keiko - "Guys, I don't think we need to--"
The troll went on, ignoring Keiko, "No, you must butt me off this
bridge for my insensitivity and selfishness."
"Guys--" Keiko tried to interrupt, only for the goat to continue on
with "I'll do no such thing, since we all tempted you in the first
place. Here, have a chomp. Go ahead."
Keiko balled up her fists, her temper taking control.
"I'm telling you," the troll insisted (standing to full height) "I'm
the guilty one here. Now, knock me off this bridge and be quick about
it!"
"Look," said the goat, ignoring the fuming little human woman in black
before it as it stood, "no one is going to take away my blame for this,
not even you, so eat me before I pop you in the nose."
"Don't play guiltier-than-thou with me, Hornhead!" the troll countered,
to which the goat spat "Hornhead?!? You smelly hairball I'll show you
gui--"
The loud shrieking scream broke their concentration.
Keiko, eyes blazing and teeth clenched, whipped her sword out and with
two giant swings etched two long lines into the bridge to separate the
two. She then slammed the blade down into the stone bridge embedding it
as she glared at the two. She didn't speak, but her motives were clear.
Cross the line and you're dead.
Quickly the troll crossed the line and walked right up to Keiko. "Oh
please forgive me miss Judgment!" it cried, sinking to it's knees. "Oh,
please, please forgive me! I was ignoring your attempts to mediate our
dispute and that was wrong and selfish of me! I don't know why but I've
seen the error of my ways."
Keiko looked at the troll as if it just proposed marriage (shocked),
only to have the huge goat do the same, coming forward to kneel before
her. "Now, now, you can't take all the blame again, our presence has
also angered the 7th Judgment and I too must apologize. Please, you
must forgive me."
Eve stared at the spectacle before her, unable to even believe what was
going on. And, for the first time in awhile, it looked like these two
towering behemoths was going to do something to Keiko that nothing of
their type have ever done before -- she looked like she was about to
cry (mostly from frustration rather than physical pain per se.)
"No, I was entirely in error, and I insist she kill me now."
"No, no, clearly this was my fault and insist she slay me forthwith."
"She'll do no such thing. Clearly I'm the guilty party and insist she
kills me."
"No, I'm telling you, I'm the guilty one and she must kill me. Isn't
that right, miss Judgment?"
"Miss Judgment, you agree that I'm guilty right? You feel the urge
to--"
"YAAAGGGHHHHH!!!" Keiko screamed, hands covering her ears, "SHUT UP!!
SHUT UP!! SHUT UP!! SHUT THE HELL UP!!!" she grabbed her sword and
quickly beat each one in the head with a single blow of the sword's
hilt that fell them to the bridge in a rather stunned and confused
state. Quickly she grabbed Eve and dragged her off the bridge, with the
two younger goats behind her bleating "Kill us! Kill us!! Kill us!!"
"GO JUMP OFF THE BRIDGE YOU PSYCHOPATHIC FREAKS!!"
Seconds later she heard something dropping -- she didn't know what, and
she didn't care.
----
"I think they jumped off the bridge-en masse no less." Eve offered.
The scene had changed. Where they were crossing over a huge bridge over
a deep ravine now they wandered through a huge forest, Keiko's eyes
glancing about as if looking for something, which prompted Eve to
repeat her statement. "They're not that stupid." Keiko replied.
"Keiko, they did seem rather suicidal back there, maybe--"
Keiko stopped, turned, and regarded Eve. "It's really not my fault if
they had the collective intelligence of foam rubber, and decided the
best way to solve their differences was mass suicide. That's for
shrinks to figure out, not me. I just bust them, and occasionally kill
them, I don't take the time to analyze them."
"That seems a bit cold and distant, Keiko."
"Eve, half of that equation was towering giants, the other two pain in
the butt shrimps with speed and dexterity. Either way I had no desire
to get into a full out brawl with all four so I'm just as glad that
they decided to go hurl themselves off that bridge if it meant avoiding
a fight."
Silence followed the two for five whole minutes as they walked through
the forest, until finally Eve asked "Where are we going?"
"Next you'll be asking if we're there yet."
"Are we?" she asked, to which Keiko scrunched her face and sighed "Not
funny." before directing Eve's attention to the woods around them. "I
heard a rumor of some twisted dark witch holding a young woman in these
woods hostage. Some sort of demented psychopath witch who thought the
girl was her property after the witch gave her parent's some lettuce or
something. Truly demented snatch and grab stuff. Happened 16 years ago
but the story finally trickled down to a Judgment Outpost near here a
few days ago."
"The parents were afraid of the witch?" Eve asked, to which the
response was "Actually the pair didn't want kids after all so they were
rather tickled pink by the abduction -- the sickos. Anyway the place in
question should be -- ah!"
Sure enough as they rounded about another set of trees they found
themselves staring at a tall oddly shaped tower.
"Either the person who built this was really into Middle Eastern
design, but didn't have the brain to do it right -- or we have on our
hands the work of one really hard-up for sex architect." Keiko remarked
bluntly, whistling at the huge structure which brought a smirk to Eve's
face. "I've never seen you whistle at anything resembling a penis
before."
"I would, but you get all blushy and flustered when I "compliment" you
on your--"
"Ok, ok, enough." Eve stammers, blushing, "How do we get in?"
"We could do it the old fashioned way."
Eve blushed further, "Not funny. It's not going to go limp if we--"
"--OH! No, no, not that-- (I didn't think of it, but yeah that would
be kinda interesting in a completely sick and deranged way)-- I meant
we use our grapples and ropes."
"Oh. Right." (Eve sighed) "Forgot about those."
The only way to enter was a window high above, so as the two set to
make the climb Eve made a suggestion. "We could just ask for her to let
us up."
"How. "Oh whoever, whoever, let down your hair, that I might climb your
golden stair." Honestly, that only works in Fairy T--"
The world suddenly went blonde.
Just as she was about to say "Fairy Tale", a long cascade of blonde
hair fell over Keiko.
"--well, that was different." Keiko remarked, suddenly realizing that,
if the witch was up there, she just gave their presence away so she
quickly remarked, "Never mind! Hold on while I--" however no sooner
had she said the words did the hair start to go up. Problem was,
however, that the hair tangled itself around Keiko and was trying to
yank her up the tower with it.
"WAIT!! WAIT!! Hair down! Hair down!! Ouch!!" Keiko choked, hair in her
face and around her neck, "STOP IT!!"
"Uh--" Eve looked up, a bit of a panic on her face, trying to remember
the words, "OH! Let down your golden hair (before you strangle Keiko on
the trip up to your lair)."
The hair came back down, and Eve untangled her now flustered and miffed
partner from the hair. "You ok?"
"Remind me again how much I love girls with long hair." she spat out,
coughing up hair with each word. "Feel like I'm part Neko now --
coughing up furballs."
"Did you give her split ends?"
Keiko looked at Eve severely, "I was more concerned with her giving me
a lungful of curls--"
The two grabbed onto the hair and climbed up, deciding to take the
chance that the witch was waiting for them. As they reached the top
they noticed something quite odd --
"Nobody's here." Eve whispered. Sure enough, the room was empty except
for hair. Keiko sighed, "Of course somebody's here -- the hair didn't
let itself down. Now we have to bring it up and--" as she spoke the
hair sprung back up into the room, clearing itself out of the window
and winding itself neatly into a huge basket as if it was alive. As the
hair cleaned itself it uncovered something quite confusing (to Keiko at
least). As the hair finished they woke up.
One screamed in a hollow voiced shriek and panicked, the other yelled
threats, waving her fists.
This would have been normal except for one thing -- the witch, about
30-ish with half her face scarred in burns, was clinging onto the
blonde girl crying while the blonde girl waved her fists and threatened
death to the intruders.
"Is she the witch?" Eve asked.
Keiko didn't know what to make of the scene.
-----
It took a few minutes to sort out.
The witch, who was horribly abused and psychologically mutilated by
hateful men (which showed on her face) years ago, had clung onto the
girl ("Rapunzel") as her only companion -- but as the years passed the
witch fell in love with Rapunzel, whose music slowly healed her soul
and the scars of her pain slowly began to disappear. She had changed
over time, from a wretched tormented soul who appeared to be 100 years
old, to this shell shocked love lorn 30-ish woman who only wished to
stay by her beloved's side forever.
Rapunzel had first considered the witch to be mother, but later when
she learned the truth she called her friend, the lover. They were now
blissfully "married" in their hearts and souls.
However that hadn't changed their hearts about the world. While the
witch snuck into town for food and other things they shunned contact
with others fearful of being shunned and mocked.
Keiko, absorbing all this info, nodded her head as the story concluded.
"So I see--" she remarked, gathering her thoughts, "And you two are
happy here?"
Rapunzel nodded, retrieving a remote control and bringing up the room's
entertainment system, a huge DVD library, a large refrigerator, tables,
chairs, and a couple of tables (one hosting a copy of "The Complete
Women's Guide for the Perfect Vacation Getaway from Men".)
"I have to get me one of these books." Keiko noted, flipping the book
in her hand as Eve looked about. The room still had more hidden
surprises so it wasn't as if they were going without.
"And there's the kitchen downstairs, and a huge bathroom, plus stairs."
"Stairs?" (Keiko)
"Uh-huh." Rapunzel smiled, rubbing the witch's head as she cowered
beneath her golden hair holding onto her tight, "She thought after
awhile it was not appropriate for a woman to climb her lover's hair so
she gave me a trim and built the stairs."
"A trim? But--" Keiko stops as she watches Rapunzel unhook the long
part of her hair (her normal hair falling to her shoulders and no
longer) as the rest curls up in it's basket. She quickly covered her
beloved in their blankets to shield her from their guests'. "She
enchanted my old hair, it responds to my thoughts."
"I heard of that--" Eve started, and the two went right into a long
tirade about magical hair and spells. Keiko grabbed something from the
fridge and "borrowed" the TV remote -- "This is going to take awhile --
wonder what's on?"
-----
It took awhile, but they eventually got the witch (named, ironically
enough, Hazel) to come out. She was shy, and afraid of people, but once
Keiko and Eve showed their good intentions she allowed them to look at
her. That's when Eve noticed it. The more Hazel and Rapunzel bonded,
the more her scars vanished. Her face was slowly returning to normal as
their love grew.
As the two went to leave Eve grasped Hazel's hands and smiled for her,
"Your so lucky to have such a caring person who loves you so."
Hazel smiled meekly, and nodded her head.
"Why can't she speak?" Keiko asked. For a few seconds Rapunzel didn't
reply, then--
"Two weeks ago a man came into our room. He called down my hair. I was
sleeping with Hazel when he came in and he -- he attacked her. His
sword slit her throat and -- she hasn't spoken since. The doctors said
it'll heal in time and she's starting to talk again but --" (tears
welled in Rapunzel's eyes, her fists balling up) "HE TRIED TO KILL
HER!! HE TRIED TO KILL--"
Hazel hugged her tight, and the two cried together. It took Eve a few
minutes to get them settled again, but for Keiko her next course of
action was clear. "Where did this man go?"
----
Rapunzel was blunt to the reason why he was still a free man.
"He's the local Prince. There's nothing law enforcement can do to stop
him. The Prince even made sure that they couldn't inform any Judgments
of his wrong doings. He treats women like sexual property, and he's
quite a pompous scum." Rapunzel's hand gently caresses Hazel's face as
she speaks, "I wanted him punished but nobody has the power to face
him."
"I do. Where is he now?"
"He's holding a gala event at his palace tonight. But miss Judgment? Be
careful-- he's evil."
At that Keiko smiled, "No, I'm evil. He's just a naughty little boy
whose going to get his butt kicked."
As they entered town Eve couldn't help but grin as she thought of that.
"Your evil?"
"Well, I'm one bad girl." Keiko noted, "Don't you sense that in bed?"
"Your very good at being very "bad" then." Eve retorted, a hint of
mischievous intent in her eyes.
"Now all we have to do is figure out how to raid the palace--"
Suddenly, as the two were walking in a quiet side-street, there was a
flash of light, and in front of the duo stood a man dressed in a form
fitting, sharply made business suit. He looked at Keiko, bowed
politely, and saluted her. "It's good to see you again, Yamanaka of
Nippon -- aka the 7th Judgment." Keiko sighed and bowed in turn, waving
him off, "Don't give me a speech, please, I'm in a bit of--"
"A rush. I know, I know. And your Fairy Godperson is here to assist."
"Fairy Godperson?" Eve asked, to which he replied, "Short version - I'm
best suited for making dreams come true -- though for Keiko I'm just
here to get her through the doors of fancy parties and gala events
since she has the dressing style of a military officer."
Keiko frowned at him and snapped out "Less sass, more help." before
handing him the "Official Gala Event Notice" she flinched off a person
on the way to the party.
"Should I ask where you got this -- and why is it smeared in -- dear
god, did you KILL--"
"Maybe." she responded. It took Eve to tell the story, in short.
"Short version - When we entered town we noticed a royal carriage
passing us by. It went around the corner and when we caught up with it
it's occupants had stopped it and jumped out. Apparently--"
"The Duke inside was a rapist and he had his men grab a little 12 year
old girl and he was in the process of -- disrobing. I came, freed her
and dispensed with them. And, it just so happened, as I was cleaning my
blade off on his--"
"Let's just leave it at that." he suddenly interrupted, looking a tad
green from the listening, "Now then, what can I do to make you
presentable for this -- event." (his thoughts raced) "Should I bind you
body and soul to the concept of "beauty" for this night? Squeeze you
into some tight fitting dress that will no doubt cut off your
circulation -- though you might not notice --" (Keiko's deathly
appearance convinced him to move on) "--Jam your feet into high-heeled
shoes that will ruin your bone structure, and paint your face with
replicated make-ups which is really a healthier alternative than the
original stuff which -- and I'm taking from that look that you want the
usual."
"No kidding." Keiko hissed.
With that he handed Keiko a small data pad, and closed his eyes for a
second.
"There. Now everyone has suddenly remembered your pending arrival, and
panic has set in. The Prince, however, is oblivious as well as any
truly guilty soul at the party. The rest who stay out of your way will
be the innocent (as they'd be the ones who are too afraid of you)."
"Or they're innocent and honest people." Eve remarks, to which Keiko
nods her head. "She's right. Last time you cast this for me I had a few
honest good people walk up to me and I almost decapitated them. You
gotta fine tune that spell."
"Picky, picky, picky. And why you didn't introduce me to your lovely
companion here last time--" (bowing politely to Eve which made her
giggle) "--is such a crime on your part. Oh, and since they know your
coming you need not change, mostly because they know your coming and
they'd expect you as you are -- your charming companion here on the
other hand --"
"I'll change into something more appropriate." she notes, and walks
into a dark alley.
"Is it alright for her to change in there?" the Fairy Godperson asked,
to which Keiko said "Sure."
Two minutes later a huge behemoth monster trudges out of the alley with
two males (one in each hand) which it deposits on the ground, growling
"No peeping." before walking back in.
"See?" (Keiko)
"Oh. My mistake." the gentleman spoke softly, watching as the two men
fled down the empty street. A minute later Eve appeared, stealing both
Keiko and the gentleman's breath. She was dressed in a stunning (yet
form fitting and comfortable) dress which glittered in the moonlight.
She wore beautiful shoes that were neither high-heeled, nor bone
crunching, yet mesmerizing nevertheless. Her hair was put up and styled
with clips bearing glittering jewelry, which completed her ensemble of
beauty. She smiled, walked up and pointed at her hair, "Dazzle-gems.
They hypnotize the viewer when I swing my head just right in the
lighting -- and I'm guessing the moonlight did the trick because you
have a glassy eyed stare and -- oh boy." Eve went pale, "It'll wear off
-- eventually -- oh no, I--"
Keiko pulls Eve closer and smiles, "I've been in your trance for years,
silly girl." and the two kiss.
Their "Fairy Godperson" however was indeed hypnotized.
-----
The event was a large one. It was also a parking nightmare. As the two
arrived (walking in) Eve lifted her dress and glanced at her feet, "I'm
glad I chose the comfortable shoes."
The entire front of the palace was wall-to-wall spectral carriages
(horseless conveyances powered by magic) as far as the eyes could see,
and on each carriage was a driver yelling and honking their carriage
horns for a good position to park. Those who had found a parking spot
were all gathered under a tent to one side socializing as they watched
the others attempt to park their carriages. Some of these drivers who
were trying to park didn't seem to speak any Common, as it seemed the
entire front area was a endless barrage of insults and screams in at
least 20 different language types from Common, to Winterian and even
Dwarven.
Entrance into the event was no problem since everyone was expecting
them. The huge bouncers, who were turning away not so important
dignitaries and lesser known royalty, were speechless when they saw the
black enshrouded Judgment walk towards them. They quickly scurried out
of her way as if they saw death itself coming, but quickly moved
forward to bow graciously to Eve, as if she was an angel. Keiko frowned
and mumbled "Men." as she walked past.
Inside the ballroom all eyes spun about towards them, and a curious
thing happened.
Two conflicting emotions erupted.
One was a sense of fear towards Keiko, the other a sense of erotic
desire and stifled anger towards Eve. The men (who were tainted evil)
were all gawking at her, the women ignored or were jealous of her
(though some envy was also present). Some of the couples went on
without noticing either of them, no doubt the innocent ones.
Keiko didn't like it one bit, but Eve was kind of enjoying the
attention.
That is, until the music started and Eve noticed the center of male
attention, the Prince.
"He's coming right at us. Our plan is working."
"Oh, really--" Keiko whispered, eyes roving about the room, "Is it
alright if EVERY male in this room who isn't over 70 or serving drinks
is ALSO walking straight towards you?"
"--oh dear--"
Sure enough it seems that Eve's charm had a ripple effect, and not only
was the bad Prince on his way, but so was every other male in the
entire room who wasn't already coupled, honest or good hearted. "Joe
said he'd run interference--"
"Who?" Eve asked Keiko, for which she replied "The Fairy Godperson."
Sure enough, as the crowd neared young women started popping into the
crowd nabbing certain males from the lines of men clearing them away.
"Once the innocent are clear all that'll leave--"
The first two men to clip each other as they walked towards Eve got
into a fight, which spread throughout the remaining men who each jumped
into the fray over Eve. At this point only the wicked and the evil
remained of the men being drawn to Eve like moths to the flame. Keiko
decided to take advantage of the situation, "I'll take it from here."
she remarked as she jumped into the fray with fists swinging.
The women, for the most part, kept away from the fighting -- even the
women whose men they came with were presently part of the fighting
because those whose men had went after Eve found themselves strangely
compelled to grab one of the other men walking towards her. Apparently
she drew the wicked towards her, but at the same time she indivertibly
attracted innocent single men looking for a date. They saw the crowd
headed towards Eve and decided as a group to try their haphazard luck
with her since everyone else was apparently going to take a shot. The
women of the now fighting men simply felt compelled to yank the
innocent men out of harm's way before the fight started, and they did
not know why -- they were pleased with their new "catches" but didn't
know why they were pleased.
The noise grew so loud that no one heard the clock in the tower chime
midnight, then again Keiko was so engaged in her hands on "negotiation"
with the men of the palace that she lost track of time. It took her
only a few more minutes past midnight, but she eventually killed all
the guilty souls. When she stepped free of the pile of mangled bodies,
wiping her hands on a dress shirt she tore from a dead corpse, she saw
the most peculiar thing -- all the women had shucked off their
confining clothes and were traipsing around (dancing quite lively) with
their male (or in some cases female) companions in a rousing dance set
to country music.
Eve, now wearing her usual dress uniform and a blushing smile, waved
for Keiko. "Everyone started to shirk their fancy threads and I didn't
want to seem to be a spoilsport so--"
"You never cease to amaze me." Keiko whispered, kissing Eve gently on
the lips.
In the end the women who were formerly companions to the now dead males
washed their hands of their evil former companions. It seemed that once
the males died the kingdom reverted to their female wives or mistresses
(depending on which dead royalty you were talking of), and the first
act they attempted was to dress the men's corpses in the women's
discarded dresses and inform the media that the fight arose when
someone threatened to expose the cross-dressing tendencies of the
Prince and his cronies.
Keiko shot that down right off the bat.
"Can any of you tell apart the bodies of the Prince and his cronies
after the beating I gave them?" Nobody replied because the bodies were
too mutilated to be properly identified. "Anyway you're slammin' on
good cross dressing men by having this scum associated with them. Tell
the press that I passed Judgment on them and leave it at that."
Satisfied with Keiko's response to the situation the crowd agreed and
the bodies were removed.
"They're slammin' good cross dressing men?"
"Don't be so negative." Keiko replied, gently scolding Eve with a
slight wag of a finger.
-----
The second act of this new Kingdom was to set up a clothing co-op that
produced the finest in comfortable practical clothing for women (and
men as well). Then, two weeks after that night, they hung a sign onto
the castle ramparts advertising "CinderWear" (named after the person
who inspired it), and made a line of black/white snappy uniform attire
fashioned after Keiko's black Judgment attire and Eve's white
SpellThrasher attire.
And they all lived happily ever after -- almost.
"Stupid idiots, I'll sue!" Keiko grumbled, balling up the ad in her
fist and cursing it's existence. "They can't use my likeness and
official Judgment uniform attire that way and NOT pay me! That's sick!
(And the model they used doesn't even look like me!)"
"I know." Eve replied, comforting Keiko as they walked down the country
road. "My model sorta looked like me -- then again I sorta look like a
lot of blonde women in this dream continent so I guess it's a generic
look."
"It's copyright infringement, that's what it is! They can't do that to
us! We'll sue!"
"I know." Eve replied again, trying her best to calm Keiko down. As
they rounded the corner they ran into a quaint little house with a
rather oddly made garden. The thing seemed to be overrun with weeds yet
the owner of the house was pleased with her work. "Your yard's a mess.
Clean it up." Keiko noted, to which she admonished Keiko and told her
all about organic gardening.
"Yeah, yeah," Keiko grumbled, "I saw "Arjuna" just like everyone else.
Get over it alr--"
"The sky is falling! The sky is falling!"
At that both Keiko and Eve turned, then looked up into the calm blue
sky. No, from all signs and indications, the sky wasn't falling. "Maybe
we're under attack." Eve remarked, to which Keiko retorted "Damn
quietest attack I ever been through."
The person Keiko was talking to earlier, one Henny Penny, stuck her
head out from her garden area and said, "Chicken Little! Why are you
carrying on so?"
"I was playing in the road when a huge chunk of the sky fell and landed
on my head. See? Here's the bump to prove it."
"If the sky fell you'd be dead. Probably a branch or something hit you,
that's all." Keiko said, to which Henny Penny added "Well in that case
there's just one thing to do,"
"What's that?" asked Chicken Little.
"Sue the bastards."
Keiko looked at Henny Penny in a rather severe manner as if she just
offered to cannibalize herself for body parts to make them something
for lunch ("Henny Penny Helper"). "Say what?"
"Sue for what?"
"Yeah," Keiko spat, "sue for what!"
"Personal injury," Henny Penny started, "discrimination, intentional
infliction of emotional distress, negligent infliction of emotional
distress, tortuous interference, the tort of outrage--"
"The tort of outrage?!?" Keiko spat out, quickly glancing over to Eve
who whispered "I don't know what that is." before going back on the duo
saying "Sounds like a dessert served in a law firm's kitchen area. And
what's this "discrimination"? Did they sky suddenly decide to
discriminate against yellow feathered non-aviary birds today by
spitting an acorn or branch at Little here?!?"
"Perhaps it did at that, and in which case we'll need to sue for that!"
"Good gracious!" Chicken Little sighed, completely oblivious to
everything, "What will we get for all of that?"
"A padded cell with a view if you're lucky." Keiko replied, but that
didn't stop Henny from giving her own dirty list of things they'd get,
including "pain and suffering, compensatory damages, punitive damages,
disability and disfigurement, long-term care, mental anguish, impaired
earning power, loss of esteem--"
"Is that suable?" Eve asked, to which Keiko replied, "How the heck
should I know? I don't even know if it's possible to sue the sky -- or
the trees -- or something."
"Person, oh person! But who are we going to sue?" Chicken Little asked,
to which Keiko and Eve both stared at Henny Penny with high
anticipation (well, anticipation for Chicken Little at least). "Well, I
don't think the sky per se is recognized as a suable entity by the
Dream Continent of the Grimmlands."
"Well, whattya know?" Keiko hissed, nudging Eve, "First smart thing she
said all day."
"I guess we should go find a lawyer and learn who is suable." Chicken
Little replied, her brain working a mile a minute. "That's a good idea.
And while we're there, I can ask whom to sue for these ridiculously
bony legs of mine."
At this point Keiko had tuned out the two and stopped listening
altogether. "Well, that was short. Let's go see what else is not going
on--"
"Maybe we should watch them." Eve asked, to which Keiko first replied
"Uh-no, let the two go off and sue the entire neighborhood from trees
to sky to rock if they must, but I'm not watching."
Five minutes later she found herself chasing after the two, with Eve
close behind. Eve eventually won out when it came to arguing with
Keiko. So, it was in this mood that the four converged on the home of
one Goosey Loosey.
Chicken Little screamed "The sky is falling! The sky is falling!"
Henny Penny screamed "Sue the bastards! Sue the bastards!"
Keiko Yamanaka screamed "Sanity is optional! Sanity is optional!"
Eve followed behind the trio, saying "Don't swear please! Don't swear
please!"
Goosey Loosey turned and looked at the four with a rather curious
expression, "Land sakes, young'ns! Why are you all carrying on so!"
Chicken Little started off with "I was playing in the road and a piece
of sky fell on my head," to which Keiko remarked "And no, she couldn't
have been run over by a car or beamed upside the head by a dropped
knickknack from a falling skydiver, it just HAD to be the sky."
"So we're going to find a lawyer to tell us who we can sue both for her
injuries and for my bony legs." Henny Penny finished. Eve shrugged and
motioned towards Keiko, saying "I'm with her."
"Oh good!" Loosey remarked, rubbing her wings together, "Can I come and
sue someone for my long, gangly neck?"
(Keiko) "No."
(Goosey Loosey) "Because you know nothing really flatters it at all,
and I am completely convinced--" (Keiko - "No") "--there's a
conspiracy within the fashion industry--" (Keiko - "No) "--against
long-necked waterfowl."
The three quickly dashed down the road.
"No." Keiko repeated, watching them run off, knowing fully well what
Eve was about to say next.
"Ugh -- we're off to see the lawyer -- right?"
"Right."
So the five of them (because Keiko and Eve were taller than the trio of
animals they had no problem catching up to them again) ran down the
road.
Three of them sought legal assistance.
One of them sought to protect the first three from harm.
One of them sought to ditch the first three into the nearest bottomless
pit and move on with life.
Once again, roll call in order.
Chicken Little. "The sky is falling! The sky is falling!"
Henny Penny. "Sue the bastards! Sue the bastards!"
Goosey Loosey. "Smash the conspiracy! Smash the conspiracy!"
Keiko Yamanaka. "This space open! Pay me 1000 credits to advertise
here! This space open! Pay me 1000 credits to advertise here!"
Eve - "..." (she had nothing to say)
----
Give minutes later they came upon a smartly dressed fox in a business
suit, carrying a briefcase. His name was Foxy Loxy, of the law firm of
Wolfman, Loxy and Hart.
Chicken Little. "The sky is falling! The sky is falling!"
Henny Penny. "Sue the bastards! Sue the bastards!"
Goosey Loosey. "Smash the conspiracy! Smash the conspiracy!"
Keiko Yamanaka - "Have it your way at Neko Burger now! Have it your way
at Neko Burger now!"
Eve - "---" (Keiko found someone to pay her 1000 credits for her
"space")
As they rounded the corner he held up a paw to halt the rampaging
parade of screamers.
"And what, pray tell, are you three doing on such a lovely day?" he
asked, to which the trio yelled "We're looking for someone to sue!"
Keiko shoved a flyer into his hand, "I want you to eat here or die."
Eve shrugged, "It's not that bad for a burger establishment, all things
considered."
"And what are your grievances? Personal injury?" (heads nodded)
"Discrimination?" (heads nodded, Keiko groaned) "Intentional infliction
of emotional distress?" (heads nodded) "Negligent infliction of
emotional distress?" (heads nodded) "Tortuous interference?" (heads
nodded) "Tort of outrage?"
"No thanks, I ate." Keiko remarked.
"Oh yes, yes," the three said excitedly, "all that and more!"
"Well, then, you're in luck!" said Foxy Loxy, taking pictures of each
with a small handheld camera w/attached data pad, pushing a few
buttons. "My caseload happens to be a little lighter after yesterday's
court cases, so I will be quite able to represent you in any and all
lawsuits we can manage to bring."
The trio cheered, Keiko glared at the fox as if he fell off the nearest
tree, "And who, pray tell, do you plan to sue anyway? The sky? Trees??
What?!?"
Without missing a beat, Foxy Loxy said "It's who we're NOT going to
sue! We'll bring suit up against everyone we can and then some! With
three hapless victims such as these we'll find more guilty parties to
sue than they can shake a writ at! Now, let's all adjourn into my
nearby office so we can discuss this further."
Foxy Loxy walked over to a small black metallic door set into the side
of a small hill, and motioned to it. "Step right this way, and we'll
start filing the suits." he said as he lifted the latch. But the black
door refused to open. Foxy Loxy tugged on it with one paw, then two,
yet it refused to budge an inch. Keiko nudged him aside and grabbed the
door, "Move aside, paper pusher!" she growled, yanking hard on the door
bringing it open. As the door fell open a huge burst of flames shot
out. At that second Eve cast a quick protection spell and it shielded
her from the flames -- however that didn't stop the billowing smoke
from covering her face and hair in soot.
Foxy Loxy, pulling himself off the ground, opened his camera as it
beeped. Keiko quickly snatched it from his hand and looked at the
datapad. On it was a picture of her face (taken earlier while it was
still clean of soot) with this notice.
WARNING!
Keiko Yamanaka, aka the 7th Judgment.
Aka the Archangel Slayer, aka the demon butcher, aka the Mormon Masher,
(click here for complete list)
DO NOT APPROACH!
She held the pad up his face and asked "Want to explain this before or
AFTER I kill you?"
Foxy Loxy cleared his throat and rasped, "Uh-- I'll sue?"
"Yeah, right." Keiko retorted, "Judgments CAN'T BE SUED -- but I'll be
sure to see you in court -- that is, the parts of you they manage to
find after I'm through with you."
Foxy Loxy couldn't run fast enough, yet he did -- mostly because Keiko
didn't bother chasing him.
His family didn't sue Keiko, of course, but that didn't stop Henny
Penny and Goosey Loosey from trying their hand at it. The day the judge
threw the two fowl out of his court was the day Foxy Loxy, who was
representing a man who was stalking a sports star, said "Don't they
ever learn that frivolous lawsuits are for dummies!?"
But back to that day, or to be more precise that night.
Eve washed Keiko's face off and washed her hair before they moved from
the washing area into the bath to soak. Keiko, usually quite frisky in
the tub, was rather quiet today.
"Your not still mad about the whole lawsuit thing, are you?"
Keiko sighed and leaned back, falling into Eve's arms as she held Keiko
tight, "What's a tort of outrage anyway?"
To Be Continued
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