Once upon a time two women lived together in both love and friendship. Both were soul mates, yet were also as different as night and day. One was an Asian woman of so-so height and strong stature. Her hair was short and raven black, her eyes dark and piercing, her face strong yet beautiful. She wore the black uniform of her status as a Judgment well, as well as her cursed katana blade which was slung over her back. Her name was Keiko Yamanaka, the 7th Judgment. Originally born on the dream continent of Nippon, she wandered the Grimmlands (the dream continent of Germany, named after the Brothers Grimm) dispensing judgment upon both creatures of light and dark. The other was a European woman of tall height and soft-spoken nature. Her hair was blonde and flowed down her back, her eyes soft and light blue, her face gentle and stunning to behold. She wore the white uniform of her status as a SpellThrasher well, as well as her headset gear which pumped tunes into her mind which helped her "thrash" spells through the beat of the music. Her name was Eve, she would not speak of her last name, and she was a SpellThrasher. A native born of the Grimmlands she wandered the continent with her beloved Keiko, working with her to do right and protect the innocent. It was on this strange day that the two stumbled onto a young woman, named Red Riding Hood, who lived with her mother on the edge of the Greymalkin Woods. On that day-- "My mother asked me to take a basket of fresh fruit and mineral water to my loving, nurturing matriarchal grandmother." Red announced with straight face and honest intent. Keiko stared at her as if she couldn't quite believe what the girl was saying, Eve simply smiled her warm gentle smile and said nothing. Red went on to say, "I'm doing this not because it's womyn's work, but because the deed was generous and helped engender a feeling of community. Furthermore, grandmother is not sick, but rather in full physical and mental health and quite capable of taking care of herself as a mature and responsible adult." The look of utter befuddlement did not leave Keiko's face for a single moment. "Womyn?" she muttered, looking at Red as if she just grew a rather inappropriate sexual organ right in front of her face. "You hail from your own private home world, don't you. (Just staring at you makes me want to close my 'hailing frequencies'.)" Red, undaunted by Keiko's confused words, set off with her basket through the woods, with the two following close behind. Why? Because the woods she set through was believed to be a dangerous place to wander. And, in truth, a few Darklings have been sighted there in the past few days which is why Keiko found herself in those woods that day. This girl, however, seemed to just prance in without any concern to her own health or well-being. At this protest, however, Red simply shrugged and replied that she was confident enough in her own budding sexuality that such obvious Freudian imagery did not intimidate her. That left Keiko even more baffled. "Remind me to be not be concerned when the 'obvious Freudian imagery' starts to feast on her intestines as if they were spaghetti." "Maybe she knows these woods better than us?" Eve offered, to which Keiko replied "Or she's the worst kind of nutter this continent has ever produced. Either way we better stick close to her." On the way to Grandmother's house, Red was accosted by a Greymalkian, from which these woods were named. The Greymalkian race was a species of wolf slash humanoids which were rather peaceful in demeanor, and tended to be shy towards non-Greymalkians. This one, however, was overcome with curiosity which is why he came so close to Red, with an inquiry about the contents of her basket clinging to his lips as he spoke to her. "Some healthful snacks for my grandmother, who is certainly capable of taking care of herself as a mature adult." The Greymalkian glanced warily at Keiko, who only shrugged and said "Don't ask. She must be getting too much of a good thing." (Waving her free hand about to note the fresh air around them and how it must be damaging Red's mental capacity). The Greymalkian shrugged, taking the briefest moment to sniff the air (just in case it was as dangerous in large quantities as Keiko said) before speaking, "Darklings showed up in the woods two days ago, this isn't a safe place for a young woman to walk alone. It's a good thing--" Red's eyes narrowed as she huffed her breath, her head rising slightly in indignation, "I find your sexist remark offensive in the extreme, but I will ignore it--" The Greymalkian and Keiko exchange glances again, Keiko merely shrugging, "At least she's talking to you." "--The stress of which has caused you to develop your own, entirely valid, worldview. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must be on my way." Silence followed her as she walked off leaving the three to stand there confused. A cold wind blew across the scene. "Did she -- insult me?" the wolf asked, to which Keiko replied "I think she insulted you." to which the Greymalkian muttered, "How can you tell?" The three parted company, Keiko hurrying to catch up to the girl with Eve close behind, while the wolf went a different way. Red, a slave to rout and discipline, wandered the main path to Grandma's, but because the Greymalkian was more of a free thinker and a bit of a know-it-all about the woods, it quickly took the fastest route to the only house he knew of which contained a human. He burst into the house and -- stopped. ----- "I think she was dropped on her head as an infant." Keiko muttered, the two finally catching up to Red. "Explains her brain-dead speech." "She's just very educated and quite informed -- for someone of her age, that's quite an accomplishment if I do say so myself." Keiko, however, wasn't buying it. "She's an accomplished pain, that's what she is! Snooty girl! She thinks she's better than us!" "She didn't say that--" "EVE!" Keiko spat out, eyes narrowing, "She speaks at us like we're mindless! She babbles on about stuff that only she seems to care about, and she has a smarter-than-thou attitude. She's a total bitch -- hate to see the kind of woman she'll turn in -- what?" (noticing Eve's smirking face) "You said bitch." Eve noted, pointing at Keiko who smiled at the remark, "Sorry. My bad." (silence) "How much longer do we have to walk? This is boring!" True enough it took four hours (with stops and breaks and Keiko's endless nagging) to get to Grandma's. Even Eve's tireless banter and calming nature couldn't keep Keiko from taking an endless strings of potshots at Red, all of which seemingly flew over the girl's head as she ignored the 7th Judgment and walked on without replying. This, of course, solicited a string of comments from Keiko as to how Red's head was as dense as Tritanium Armor, but that also got no reply. Finally the trio reached the cottage and Red entered, saying "Grandma, I have bought you some fat-free, sodium-free snacks to salute you in your role of a wise and nurturing matriarch." At this Keiko pushed Red aside, grabbed the basket, and whistled, "YO! GRANNY! GRINDS!! Get your bad self in here and let's pound down this stuff -- got any cheese? Your grand-daughter's an idiot! (What kind of dolt brings crackers but no cheese?!?)" Suddenly Keiko stopped, her hand passing the basket back as her other reached for her blade, her teeth clenched as she glanced nervously at Eve, "We're not alone." She quietly snuck up to the bed, grabbed the sheets, and pulled them open blade held high. From the bed, the Greymalkian said softly, "I can't move -- oh god I can't move -- I feel so floaty. Is this heaven?" Red stared at the wolf and said, "Grandma, what big eyes you have!" The wolf and Keiko stared at Red intensely. "Speaking of eyes, you must be blind as a major league umpire." Keiko muttered, her patience with Red finally gone. Suddenly her attention went right back to the Greymalkian. "Why are you in Granny's bed? You didn't-- oh god you did." "I didn't know I knew her granny until -- oh we've been friends for years now but -- goddess I've seen so much today -- so much -- and experienced more -- goddess I'm in love!! I never thought me -- and her -- we were friends but -- I can't live--" Keiko gulped hard, sweat forming on her brow. "Your not -- oh what am I saying, you are--" At this Red remarked, without missing a beat, "Grandma, what a big nose you have --" Keiko turns back to Red, eyes narrowed, but Red continued to speak ignoring her "--only relatively, of course, and certainly attractive in its own way." "Rape is far too good for you." Keiko hissed, patience gone. Eve simply patted Keiko on the back whispering to her as their attention went back to the Greymalkian who was now grinning a big silly grin. "I don't think her smell will ever leave me. I don't want it to leave me. I want to smell her on me forever. It's so beautiful I think just from remembering it's sweet soft fragrance I'm going to--" "OH-KAY!!" Keiko blurted out, stopping his thought in mid-sentence, "I get the point." Red, same calm expression nodded, "Yes. Grandmother does smell good enough to--" Keiko rudely interrupted her before she continued, Keiko's features drooping as she took on a look of utter shock, which quickly reformed into her usual deadpan expression "--can I kill Red? If you're not going to eat her I want to do the deed, if only to shut her up." Keiko groused in an irritated manner. "Grandma, what big teeth you--" "ALL THE BETTER TO RIP YOUR THROAT OUT, YOU SIMPERING LITTLE FREAK!!" Keiko screeched, bringing the room into total silence. Eve, her face still calm, walked Keiko to a chair as the wolf checked his now perfectly normal teeth. "God I hope it's still not big. The dentist was expensive but it'll all be worth it because she said I could give her oral pleasure and--" "AGGHHH!!" Keiko screamed, hands covering her ears and head dropped in pain, to which the Greymalkian replied honestly "I am quite happy with who I am and what I am. And I'm in love with Ms. Hood, thank you very -- are you crying?" Keiko, tears flowing down her face, suddenly jumps out of her chair intent on decapitating Red, the person she blamed for her "problems" right now. Red screamed, and it took quite abit of effort on Eve's part to "stop" Keiko with a "jamming" spell which froze Keiko in place. The effort? Wasted since Keiko was endlessly strong and had no "ceiling" to hit stamina wise. The spell was only a stopgap to hold her, even as she was in the motion to bring her blade about to swipe Red's head from her shoulders. Seconds later a huge man carrying an ax burst into the house, stopped, and sighed. "Oops. Sorry, I--" "And just what do you think you're doing?" Red hissed, no longer paying attention to the Judgment behind her who was trying to kill her. "Bursting in here like a Neanderthal, trusting your weapon to do your thinking for you!" "But -- that woman's trying to--" "Sexist! Speciesist! How dare you assume that womyn and wolves can't solve their own problems without a man's--" "SHUT UP!!!" All eyes turned to Keiko who had finally struggled free of the spell, rushing up to get right into Red's face as Eve falls back a few steps shocked by Keiko's breaking loose of the spell. "FIRST OFF IT'S WOMAN, NOT WOMYN!! (What are you, part Wyrm Dragon?!?) Second , if I ever see you again after I walk out of this house it'd be far too soon, then I'd have to KILL YOU!! Third, you make me sick you freak of nature you! Fourth, BRING CHEESE!! Crackers suck without cheese! Five, did I remember to mention that I hate you, you freak, you! Six--" "Hi, Keiko." All eyes turned again towards the bathroom door, where a beautiful 30-ish woman stood (bare naked). Keiko sighed, pouted, and nodded her head. "Oh, it's you." "What "Oh, it's you", after so long? I'd have expected better." Eve and Red looked on in confusion. Understand, the woman explained. "Keiko here beat me down once when I was a crazed old broad cursing people. She got me fixed up, rehab and here I am all cured and no longer evil. She can be nice when she wants to be--" Keiko flips the bird at Ms. Hood, to which she mutters, "She just doesn't want to be nice right now it seems." "Bite me." She smiled at Keiko, turning to lay down next to the Greymalkian, and favor him with her smiling face as they embraced lovingly, "We've decided to become mates for life." Keiko mumbled under her lips, and made quick motions with her free hand as if mocking them. Eve didn't understand, so Ms. Hood explained, "Keiko doesn't like happily ever afters between men and women, she's not too into men as you noticed." "I noticed." Eve nodded, glancing over at her companion who wasn't done mocking Ms. Hood, to which Eve replied "She'll get over it though, she always does." Ms. Hood nodded, speaking as she did "Well, today's the first day of the rest of our lives --" (smiling as she hugged the Greymalkian) "--so this is an anniversary of sorts, and--" Keiko's grim features suddenly slid, and became more grim -- but for an entirely different reason. Her teeth clenched, eyes widened, and a look of utter shock came over her suddenly, "OH NO!!" Keiko yelled. Eve, at first, didn't understand, but then it dawned on her. "Oh, that's right. It's our anniversary--" "Yesterday." Keiko muttered in defeat, "It was yesterday." she repeated, her head drooping back down. ----- Clearly Keiko wasn't having a good day. It didn't help her when they ran into the Darklings they were hunting right after departing Granny's place. Keiko, in turn, was not in the mood for banter with them. She tore through them in a far more brutal manner than any wolf could tear through any human. She was clearly NOT in her happy place. Nothing Eve could do would make Keiko any happier. Once she realized she had forgotten their anniversary she had become a sullen thing that just dragged herself along with her head dropped low. "I don't mind. It's only one year after all." "It's one whole year 'til the next one--" Keiko muttered, head still drooped. Little did they know that they were nearing another trouble spot that needed fixing. Once there were three little pigs -- well, little is hardly the word since they were about 4 foot something and taller than the average pig. They lived together in mutual respect and in harmony with nature -- or maybe they just lived together because there was strength in numbers? Using materials found in the areas they each liked, they each built a beautiful home -- or, to be more precise, conned others to build for them. One pig, who lived in a wide field of straw, lived in a house of straw. One pig, who lived in the woods, lived in a house of sticks. And one pig, who lived in a valley, lived in a house of bricks made from natural materials. But this story isn't about the pigs, it's about the rather distressed wolf that crossed Keiko's path. The wolf, miffed and quite angry, came storming onto the road talking to itself. Keiko for her part ignored it, still dragging herself along, but Eve took a moment to listen to it. "Do that to my wife will they? I'll show them! Pigs can't treat a woman in such a -- a --" (wolf suddenly grounds to a halt, nearly causing Keiko to walk right into it in her downer mood) "--?--" "In a piggish manner?" Eve offered, to which the wolf nodded "Yeah! That's it! Pigs shouldn't act like pigs! Pigs should act -- ?" "In a non-pig related manner?" Eve put forth, to which the wolf said "Uhhh -- ok, that works." the wolf replied, looking over at Keiko with a curious expression as he spoke, "Is she alright?" "Yes." Eve noted with a smile, tapping Keiko on the shoulder, "She's just having a bad day-- but sir--" she started, looking at the wolf with an expression of honest curiosity, "What did the pigs do to get you so riled against them?" The wolf rolled it's eyes, almost as if it was debating just how to put his words, a bit of a blush forming on it's furry cheeks, "Those -- those -- well, they are pigs, but I mean in a sense of their mannerism rather than their species. I mean sure they're pigs and--" "What did they do." Keiko asked, cutting him off and looking at him with a dull expression. "They -- they harassed my wife! They whistled at her and made rude gestures and then - they-they tried to proposition her for SEX!! The perverts!! Waving money at a woman like her body was for sale!! The un-gentlemanly nerve of them! The avarice! The -- where is she going?" Sure enough, as Eve turned to look, Keiko was trudging up the hill towards the house of straw, which she proceeded to knock upon as she reached it's door. Eve, while sweating a bit from worry, followed behind as the wolf fell into pace in turn behind her. "Alright gentlemen, am-scray out here. Judgment!" (she waits until she notes a few eyes staring at her from the shuttered window) "Keiko Yamanaka--" (shows badge to the few eyes peering out at her) "7th Judgment. If you would please step outside--" "Your fascist tactics hold no fear for pigs defending their homes and culture, you police state bitch!" the three pigs screamed in unison (two of them at least). Keiko shook her head silently, grousing over their refusal as she did. Eve stood her ground, even with the wolf glancing at her as if to ask why she wasn't going towards Keiko, "She likes to work alone sometimes. When she needs me she'll ask for my help." Suddenly the dark haired woman started to pace in front of the door, staring at it intensely, "Gentlemen there's no need to get on my bad side. Come out and let's talk this over like--" Fifty dollars pops out the door through the mail slot. "Here you fascist whore! Shut up and blow me like the good little--" The sound of muffled voices, and arguing could be heard, but it was far too late. Keiko drew her blade and with one motion raised it high above her head. "I think you made her mad." one of the pigs whispered inside. "Who cares if I made the slut m--" With one swipe she cut the door down the middle and kicked it in. "She cares." the pig who whispered the warning grunted, before all three quickly am-scrayed out the back and fled. Keiko, walking quietly, followed the three into the woods, with Eve and the wolf close behind. "Told you! I told you they were perverts! Saying things like that! Why we oughta--" Eve stops him, waving him off. "I don't think she's that angry yet--" Silence followed the trio as they walked on, until finally Eve walked forward and nudged Keiko. "Uh -- Keiko? Are you angry??" "Mostly at myself." she replied, eyes panning about for any sign of the pigs. "I feel so stupid." "Shake it off. It's only one day." "It's our special day." Keiko retorted, stopping for a second to catch her breath, "I always thought shallow inconsiderate men forgot their anniversaries but this -- this just blows. I can't believe I forgot the most important day of our lives -- the day we committed ourselves to each other. Our special day." Eve smirked, tapping Keiko's gloomy face as she did, "The mere fact that your beating yourself up over it is flattering enough --" (her face turns serious) "--but still I'd rather if you didn't do this. I like it better when your smiling." Suddenly the wolf ran ahead, and the two spotted a house of stick upon which the wolf set upon with them close behind. He banged on the door and yelled, "Oh you three are in TROUBLE!!" Silence. The three either didn't hear him (unlikely) or were ignoring him. Gently Eve nudged him aside as Keiko rapped on the door with her free hand, sword still at the ready. "Don't make this harder on yourselves! Come out alre--" "GO TO HELL, you oppressive police state whore!! Freedom to the oppressed!!" Keiko's face dropped and her eyes narrowed, "So you have the freedom to wave money at innocent women and act like a bunch of--" "SHE WANTED IT!!" two pigs screamed, "Sweet little rear bending for wolves! She takes five wolves a day the slut that she--" "SHUT UP!!" the wolf screamed, "DON'T TALK ABOUT MY WIFE THAT WAY!!" "Your old whore likes having all the boys up her--" Something hissed inside. "You're making her angry!!" "Who cares? His--" "I MEANT HER!!" Silence. "Oh, right-- forgot about her--" Keiko ran her indestructible blade through the door, and yanked it off it's hinges as she wrest her blade free. As the pigs fled again Keiko was in hot pursuit, now chasing a little faster. As they entered a huge valley, Keiko stopped and looked at Eve (giving her a minute to catch her breath) "You OK?" "Fine -- but -- question--" Silence greeted Eve as she stared at Keiko, "Is a day really so much to be so angry about?" "I'm not angry." Keiko replied, to which Eve shook her head, "Come on. I've seen men scream worst at you and you haven't flinched like this. What's up? Is missing our anniversary--" "It's a lot, alright?" Keiko finally admitted, "I mean I see men doing shit like that -- what's my excuse? I thought I'd never forget it. Every time we hold hands, kiss, or make love I remember that moment we became one so long ago -- how could I have forgotten that day? It-- it sucks." Suddenly, Eve snapped her fingers and with a flourish announced, "Well that explains it then!" to which Keiko could only shake her head and ask "Explains what?" "I obviously need to give you oral more often." Keiko blinked, confused. Eve elaborated, "Since you seem to remember so well after a good suck I figured--" she smiles a bit wider as she swings at Keiko playfully, "You get the point, right?" "Yeah. Stop being a mope." At the house of bricks (protected by a door of steel) the trio stopped, Keiko (mood changed back to fair) lightly rapped on the door. "Guys? I'm willing to cut you some slack if you --" This time in response, the pigs sang a song in Winterian and shoved out letters to the Alliance Council in protest. Keiko at first stood silently, then shook as her hands trembled and her eyes widened. She then gripped her blade tightly, veins popping up in her forehead, and a look of death on her face. Eve blushed, which only confused the wolf. "What? What?? What are they singing? Whiney protest songs from the 60's?" "It sounds like they're singing a rather dirty Winterian song about two women who were into having sex with each other--" "Is that so bad?" "Well -- the song -- I think they're saying the two had a brother -- well it's kinda nasty and --" "YOUR SO FUCKIN' DEAD!!!" Keiko screamed, kicking the door hard. After a few times (and some laughs from the pigs) she took her blade and worked it into the door frame between brick wall and metal door. Then, she stepped back and lashed out kicking her blade hard. The blade, firmly jammed into the door would not budge. And since the blade was indestructible it would not break under the pressure, so it stood fast. And, with each kick, the sound of the metal door's hinges slowly wearing away could be heard. After several kicks she finally popped the door open as the hinges snapped, leaving the pigs to her "mercies". "NOW YOU'VE DONE IT!!" One pig squealed like -- a pig. "SHUT UP!!" the other one yelled, "I'm going to make her take me up her--" The sound of gurgling and slicing could be heard next as Keiko entered through the doorway. The problem with this house, unlike the others, was that it's resident was a bit lazier than the first two -- and had forgotten to build a backdoor. Either it be from ego, or false confidence in the construct of his home, he felt it unnecessary to have such a thing. That was clearly a mistake as it turned his fortress of a home into a deathtrap. The screaming didn't stop for five whole minutes, and when silence returned Keiko stepped outside covered in blood. In her hand she held a sheaf of music which she tossed aside, "Pigs shouldn't act like pigs." Eve watched her pass, her face a bit pale. "Oh. Did you--" "Talking pigs aren't safe to eat -- too much fat in the head." "--" Eve blinked, pretty certain that wasn't the answer she was soliciting for. Meanwhile, as for the wolf? "What about my wife? Did they--" Keiko stopped and shrugged, "Forgot to ask them. Sorry. If you'd like you could always gather up some mystical artifacts and bring them back to life--" "No thanks." the wolf replied, and left it at that with Keiko. He didn't speak, nor did he bother her again for the trip back to his hometown. ---- That night as the two laid on a hilltop near an inn (where they were staying), watching the stars, Eve asked her question again. "Are you angry?" "You asked me that already." Keiko retorted, to which Eve replied "I mean right now." For a bit Keiko didn't reply, but finally she whispered "--I guess--" and left it at that. "Can't we just celebrate our day today?" Keiko rolls over, and stares into Eve's eyes. "It's not the same. It's not special -- it's not -- I wanted to make it so special, I-- I feel like--" Keiko stops as Eve presses three fingers on her lips to silence her, "Less talk, more love." The two kiss, rolling over and over in the grass as they held each other, for a time forgetting what happened and just focusing on each other. ---- The words Eve spoke the other night was starting to sound more and more appealing. Have an anniversary party even if the anniversary is passed. But still, Keiko wanted it to be special. Those thoughts kept Keiko going as she made plans and considered her choices for gifts and plans for Eve. Shopping was the easy part. She kept sending Eve on fake errands while she did her shopping, and kept her stuff hidden in a tesseract backpack. Right now she was ogling the bounty of gifts and wondering how to celebrate, that is until she nearly ran right into Eve's back, which nearly caused a panic as Keiko covered her purchases (more than half belonging to Eve). "I'm not doing anything!" she complained, shutting the pack tightly. Eve merely smiled and nodded toward her things, "I thought of that too, but that's not important now." "What is?" "I think I found work here for us. Look--" She pointed to a newsstand and one of the city's daily papers, on it below the headline "Prince Hunted by Angry Mob" was the heading "How she became a rich woman in one week - find out her secrets from the little man behind the scenes". ----- The story was one Keiko had heard one too many times. "So your telling me that some months ago local miller offered up his daughter in that she had the ability to spin straw out of gold, right?" "Uh-huh." the local bar owner replied, busily cleaning the bar as Keiko spoke to him. "And nobody in their right mind could figure out that what this person was offering was probably way too good to be true?" "I'd a-reckon. But then again they did take up 'til last week to make him an offer he couldn't refuse so I'd a-say it took awhile for a gullible sort to appear." "The prince." Keiko finished, looking at him oddly, "And, by the way, not to be overtly mean or anything but you speak with a funny accent-- you know that, right?" "I'd a-reckon." "Uh-huh." (Keiko left it at that as she continued) "And -- uh -- where might we find this girl from the story?" "The castle over yonder. You might find the Prince too, if the angry mob hasn't killed him yet." "Uh-- sure, thanks. I'd better hurry then, huh?" "I'd a-reckon." Keiko pretty much couldn't get Eve away from the male fast enough. "Local accent?" Eve asked, to which Keiko replied "Yeah, that was pretty whacked if I do say so myself." Eve - "(That's not what I mean by "local".)" Keiko - "(I know, I know, just kiddin' -- maybe.)" As the two marched over a hill in towards a huge structure in the distance, Keiko pointed it out and mumbled "That'd be them thar' place over yonder, I'd a-reckon?" (in a bad accent) "I'd a-reckon." Eve remarked glibly, mimicking the old guy from earlier. As they reached the drawbridge screams could be heard, and instead of the bridge coming down to greet them out from a window flew a well dressed corpse that landed right in front of them. Looking down at the body, Keiko came to one conclusion. "That's one dead pretty boy prince." "You don't say. Think he's the one from the newspaper?" "Know of any other princes with angry mobs after them?" "Not really, no." Eve replied as the two entered the palace. Inside (after bypassing the now rather deceased form of the Prince) the two were greeted inside the castle by the now formerly angry mob (who had settled down and became a rather sociable rowdy gathering of folk). As they greeted the two newcomers, they set to discuss the "change of power" which had just occurred. As Keiko listened, she began to groan and grumble -- only to stop and push her way past their "welcoming committee" and into the castle. Clearly their idea of talk didn't impress Keiko none -- maybe it was the accents which made Keiko wince at every sentence they said. Eve, confused by this, quickly followed behind. Sure enough as she followed she had a distinct impression that Keiko was going to the source of the story, which they found in an upper palace bedroom, her diminutive visitor still there. He turned, smiling, as he told Keiko how they met, and how he helped her turn straw into gold. Keiko, nodding her head as he spoke, sat down to examine a nearby spinning wheel and the small pile of straw remaining near it. As she touched it, and carefully moved her hand around it's frame, she removed a small blade from her pouch and started to carve into the nearby spinning wheel. Meanwhile, Eve was listening intensely to the little man. "It's quite simple really, to be turnin' straw into gold. All we did was took it to a nearby farmer's cooperative, where it was used to thatch an old roof. With a drier home, the farmers became healthier and more productive, and they brought forth a record harvest of wheat for the local consumption. The children of the kingdom grew strong and tall, went to a cooperative school, and gradually turned the kingdom into a model democracy with no economic or sexual injustice and low infant mortality rates." "And the dead disposable body down below?" Keiko remarked, motioning back the way the two had came as she worked on the wheel, "The Pretty Boy Formerly Known as Prince?" The little man shrugged, "That's the Prince's doing, it was. He was a bad boy and got on people's nerves. He got captured by an angry mob and was stabbed to death with pitchforks." "--so I see-- too bad." "Not really." the little man added, "He squealed like a stuck pig all the way -- oh, sorry." Without stopping Keiko only replied "No problem." and kept working, the little man continuing where he left off with Eve. "Anyway, as new investment money poured in from all over the world, the farmers remembered Esmeralda's generous gift of straw and rewarded her with numerous chests of gold. That, by the way, is how you turn straw into gold." Keiko nodded her head, bored expression on her face. This kind of attitude really miffed the little person who grumbled, "Are you paying attention?!?" Keiko finally stopped carving, and looked up for the briefest second before going back to work, ignoring the little man once again as she did. This further enraged the little man. "Well? I'd like to see you do BETTER than that! I don't think--" he stopped as Keiko stood up from her kneeling position, making a few final adjustments. With that she grabbed a handful of straw, spun the wheel, and tossed the straw into the spinning wheel. From there out came gold coins that clanked onto the floor nosily. As she watched she noted "The one hole in your so elaborate plan -- it CAN make gold, if your willing to wait 20-30 years, not 7 or so days." The little man, white and paler than usual, slowly began to back away only for Eve to block his retreat by stepping behind him. Keiko continued as she stopped the wheel, "If the Prince was truly the jerk you say he was? No way in hell he would have waited 20-30 years, since jerks are seldom patient people. So -- then I noticed the faint markings on this wheel--" Before the little man could run, Eve quickly bound him in an entrapment spell to hold him. Keiko, on a roll, continued her sermon with her now "captive" audience. "These etchings are the spell craft for a "indestructible wheel". Why? Well, if you toss straw into a gold making wooden wheel the coins would eventually dent and damage the wood until it started to break down after spinning quite a few bags of gold -- that is, unless the wheel was indestructible then it could spin and spin and never wear down." Keiko's foot taps the floor where the coins were piling up. "There's a "Gravity Well" here around the wheel that drags down to this spot. I felt the pull as I waved my hand around the wheel. That keeps the coins piling up in one place and not scattering willy-nilly all over when they're formed. That keeps personal injury from happening, and again insures nothing is damaged." Finally she pointed to the needle. "This is a GlitterEye, a gold making needle. It can turn inanimate lifeless objects of a thin quality (string, straw, etc) into gold. Living objects wouldn't be affected by the GlitterEye, but it'll spin things like thread, yarn, straw or even wheat or rice into gold. Vines and weeds won't work because their organic structure is too dense for the eye to process. It also doesn't work on artificially created threads like polyester, and since this Prince had a castle full of stuff with artificial twists the only thing that could be used to make gold was straw." (Keiko snapped her fingers, looking straight at the little man for the first time) "I'm more than willing to bet that it was you who whispered the ludicrous idea into this girl's father's ear about the whole "straw into gold" scheme. Later, once the story spread, you whispered it into the prince's ear and got him all hot and bothered by it, all to set this little gold minting place up." The little man, sweating bullets, struggled in Eve's spell as Keiko leaned down to look him in the eyes. "Don't tell me, let me guess -- we're back to baby selling, right? And you would be -- let me see -- Rumpelstiltskin?" "AGGHHH!!!" shrieked the little man, "But-- but-- how did you know?" "I'm the one who hauled your butt into jail the LAST time you tried this stunt, remember?!?" "--" (he looked at her intently) "--I thought you were abit taller--" "--" (Keiko glared at the little man until he promised not to speak again). ----- Outside the castle, Esmeralda (the woman in question earlier, the "miller's daughter") thanked Keiko and Eve. "With the Prince's gold I plan to move to the Dream Continent of the United States, open a birth-control clinic, and show other womyn how not to be enslaved by their reprod--" "AHEM!!" a female voice rang out, bringing Esmeralda's head about, "And what about me?" She smiled sheepishly and blushed, "Oh, Gaia-- eh--" A tall woman with flowing green hair walked down the stairs giving Esmeralda a stern look, "What did I say about that god-awful "Birth Control" clinic? The dream world has few Dreamlings already, and my "children" are SUPPOSED to "multiply" and be fruitful!" "That's so male-centric." Esmeralda replied, to which Gaia shot back, "I'm the Goddess of the Living Dream Earth, so shoot me if I happen to like the idea of multiplying fruitful things!" By this time Keiko had rounded up Eve and Rump and they made good their escape. On the road Keiko gave Rumpelstiltskin a severe look, "Why do you ALWAYS pick the losers to exploit?!?" "It's a genetic weakness of character I suppose." Eve merely shrugged, "At least she didn't invite us to stay for dinner." Keiko - "--don't jinx us, please--" To Be Continued
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