A swelling of unimaginable pain began to grow inside Kris's heart as the memories of those final days overwhelmed the girl. She clenched her stomach tight, letting the notebook topple to the ground. It felt like it was hard to breath and she wanted nothing more then to be out of the sight of others. She snatched the note book off the ground and slowly forced her body to uncurl, standing to her feet as she wiped at her eyes. She struggled against the tears that wanted to overpower her very being as she unwrapped the flower and set it on Jennifer's grave. Touching the tombstone she bided her lover a silent farewell before venturing out of the cemetery on her way home. It didn't take her very long to run the four blocks between the cemetery and her apartment. Before the incident she was known for being quite an athlete so the distance was nothing to her. Her ribs ached a little in protest. They were a constant reminder that she didn't walk away that dark night unscathed. Three of her ribs had been broken and healed wrong making it hard to breath at times. She didn't care about that. All that mattered was getting out of sight. She rummaged for her keys and quickly entered the building. She kept her head low as she walked through the halls to the elevator, not wanting anyone to see how upset she was. Riding it to the 8th floor before getting off and turning to the apartment directly to the left of the elevator. Without looking around she unlocked the door and scurried into the tiny dark apartment. "I'm home." She called down the long hallway as she kicked off her shoes. A large orange tabby came bounding down the hall to greet her, "Hiya there my fluff." Kris said stooping down to scoop up the cat and take her to the living room. The cat was the last gift she ever received from her mother. After Kris was released from the mental hospital her mother took her in for a few months. Kris was soon after declared clinically unable to work in the real world and as such was placed on permanent disability. Only days after the first check arrived did her mother disappear while Kris was out and all that was left behind was this cat and some items around the house. Kris ran her fingers through the cats fur as it purred. Kris didn't mind being alone. It was not like her mother was ever there for her when she was little. In fact it was her mother that had her locked away in the first place. Always claiming that she was to weird and uncontrollable. Kris had clear memories of laying in bed listening to her mother's voice drifting through the walls. Complaining to her father about how much she wanted to get rid of that "Insane child." Kris entered the main room of the apartment. It comprised of one large room with a small kitchen off to the side, a tiny bathroom and a sliding glass door that lead to the balcony and provided a source of light in the otherwise dreary room. A few wooden chairs lined one of the walls, a couple of canvases leaned on the chairs. A small futon mattress lay on the ground against the opposite wall with the newest canvas pulled up close to it. Paints, brushes and other art tools lay scattered all over the floor along with the many books that she seemed to absorb. Not even she could understand her hunger for knowledge. She dropped the cat onto one of the chairs, pulled off her jacket and pants then flopped onto the futon. She lay staring at the ceiling watching the sun slowly crawl across it. After some time she sat up to find herself face to face with her newest creation. A painting of the same girl she had seen in the mirror this morning. The figure was basking in the moonlight, her pale form encircled by the blue moon's light. Kris reached out and touched the painting lightly, "Jennifer." She whispered. Kris felt as if she could reach into the painting and touch the girl within. She wished and longed to join her. Clenching her fist she forced herself not to toss the painting across the room. Suddenly Kris got to her feet and ran into the bathroom. She quickly flicked on the light and turned on the water as tears filled her eyes once again, "Why?" She mumbled to herself as she clung onto the side of the counter trembling, "Why?!?" She slammed her hand down on the counter, "Why do I have to live? Why?" She lifted her head to see the familiar gleam of an art scalpel that she used for carving clay and peeling unwanted paint off of a canvas. She took the knife in her hand and stared at it. She felt weak and wanted nothing more than to join her love. She turned her wrists over to see the ugly scars from her last attempt staring back up at her. Mocking her. Reminding her how she failed to follow her love again and again. She clearly remembered the day she woke up in that hospital strapped to a bed. She began to shake uncontrollably The knife slipped from her hand and fell into the sink. Kris leaned against the wall with her hands held over her face, "I'm sorry." She said between sobs. She slid down the wall until she was curled up on the cold tile floor. The cat ran to her side curling up in her arms. ******* To be Continued....
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