Kris slowly walked the street dragging her feet behind her. She didn't care if someone saw her. In fact she almost wished someone would put her out of her misery right there and there. Strike her down and not let her get up ever again. She drifted down the street wishing for death as she approached the school. She stopped for a moment, remembering the dance that seemed so long ago now. It seemed more like a dream then a memory. She shoved her hands in her pockets and trudged on past the school. Part of her considered finding herself a bar or something to hide in. Maybe she could find Tanya and apologize for her behavior. Maybe she should just give up and sleep with the girl. She shook off the idea knowing far to well that she could never face her friend again. To ashamed with the childish ways she acted. After a while Kris looked up to see her apartment building off in the distance. Was this really home? She couldn't recall it no morw. The only place she felt at home was in Jennifer's arms and she was no longer there so why was she trying to continue to live? She slowly looked away from the apartments and buried her face in her hands. "I'm sorry." She mumbled, she felt like she had betrayed her first love. Like she was trying to replace her. Was that what she was doing? Kris was not sure. All she knew now was the pain in her heart was getting unbearable. Kris took a deep breath trying not to cry out into the night. She stumbled as her legs fought against her, telling her to just give up and curl up where she was. Was there really a reason to continue to fight? Instead of listening to her body Kris struggled against each painful step, focusing on getting home to her cat. The only thing that really cared for her and needed her more then anything else. After a while she finally found herself standing at the doors to her apartment. She slowly dug her keys out of her jacket pocket. She could feel her emotions building to the point that they were going to burst. She hastily opened the door and staggered across the lobby to the elevator which appeared the moment she hit the button to call for it. She leaned against the corner of the elevator holding onto herself tightly. She knew she only had to get through her apartment door. She got off on her floor and used the wall to support her. The moment she touched the door to her home the tears began to overflow. Blurrily she struggled with her keys and burst into her house. She locked the door behind her before stumbling to the futon and falling onto it. Grabbing a pillow and letting out a painful scream. ***** When Kris woke up is was well past 4 pm and her body hurt all over. She recalled the night before, and the cause of the aches and pains. Last night felt like it had been a year ago now. Kris's brain slowly forced the nights events out of her mind. She got up and went to the kitchen. The light on her phone told her that there was a message awaiting her, however she didn't feel like talking to anyone at that time. She entered the kitchen and saw a knife on the counter and picked it up. She watched as the kitchen light reflected off of the cold steel. She placed the blade against her wrist and stood still for a moment. She wanted nothing more then to die and to be able to join her love. She took a deep breath and prepared to let the knife sink into her flesh when she felt Jennifer's arms wrap around her. "You promised." the words whispered in her ears. Kris lifted the knife from her arm and raised it high in the air, "I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore. I don't want to live like this anymore." She closed her eyes, bringing the knife down hard and fast. She stopped the moment the steel touched her flesh. She struggled with herself, part of her wanting nothing more then to die, and part scared that she will fail again and just end up back in that horrible hospital tied to a table while people poked at her and asked her a million question. That fear made her throw the knife into the sink. "I'm sorry... I've failed you..." She stumbled out of the kitchen and fell back onto her futon. Another wave of sobs could be heard throughout the apartment as the girl cried herself back to sleep. ******* To be Continued....
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