Kris woke up and stretched with a smile on her face, the other night's adventures fresh in her mind. Jenn leaned over and looked down at the girl. Kris smiled, reached out to touch Jennifer's face then leaned forward and kissed her softly on the lips. Jenn seemed surprised by this and quickly pulled back. Kris was confused and sat up not understanding what just happened. She blinked several times and then noticed that she wasn't in Jenn's room, nor was she in her apartment. Sitting at the end of the bed was Sarah, no longer dressed in the gown she wore to the dance, instead in a simple housecoat over a long nightgown. In her hand she held a damp cloth. Her other hand was to her lips. Kris looked around and started to remember what happened. The dance. The fight. She placed her hands over her face. She just mistook Sarah for Jennifer. How stupid could she be? Kris went to get up then noticed that she was only in her underwear. She grabbed the blankets and covered herself up. "I... Umm..." Sarah took a moment to recover before speaking, "I put your clothes in the laundry machine. They were covered in mud, so..." She blushed. Kris blushed a deeper red, pulling the blankets tighter around her body. She suddenly wished she wore a bra more often, "Thank you and I'm sorry... I didn't mean to..." She couldn't finish her sentence. Sarah got up trying hard not to letting her eyes fall on Kris, "It was an accident," She paced in place then headed for the door, "Do you want something to drink? I think there's still something left in the fridge that my brother hasn't finished off yet." Kris shook her head, "That's alright, I think I drank too much already." She tentatively touched her face and winced in pain. Sarah dropped down beside the wounded girl and pressed the cloth against Kris's face, "Don't do that!" Sarah warned and then forced Kris to lay back while she dabbed at the wounds. She took a small bowl from a night stand that stood next to the bed and wrung the cloth out before touching it to Kris's face again. Kris winced and pulled back. "Sorry," Sarah said nervously. Kris touched her chest and could feel that her ribs were bruised, "I must look like a mess," She half laughed. Sarah ignored the attempt at humor and dropped the towel back in the bowl which was now tinted pink from the blood. Kris's cheek was badly cut, and there was a gash mark across her forehead as well as one along the right side of her chin. Her left hand and arm were scraped and there were a number of bruises over her body, from her head to her arms and chest. Never mind all the scars that Sarah couldn't fathom how someone could survive through. When Sarah was taking Kris's shirt off she noticed a pair of angry scars across each of the girl's wrists. Right now she couldn't keep herself from looking at them. Kris noticed what the girl was staring at and raised her hands into the air. She slowly turned them over in front of her, "To think these hands are supposed to be artist hands. Able to create works of beauty with a sweep of them," Kris mumbled. Sarah continued to watch, confused as to what Kris was narrating. Kris resumed, "but would you believe that with all the skill that these hands hold I could never do anything to save those that I truly loved." A tear began to form in her eye. Kris didn't make a move to wipe it away. Instead kept turning her hands over and over again. Sarah cautiously reached out and took the left hand in her's, "No, don't blame yourself. Jason is just an idiot. I'll tell the teachers on him and they will solve everything." Kris turned her head to look up at Sarah. Her blue eyes started to show how truly tired she was, Kris turned away and stared at the ceiling, "Jennifer tried to get involved. She tried to get to boys to stop beating on me everyday." The tears started to roll down her face and hit the pillow, "She was stronger than me. Braver than anyone I ever knew. I'd like to believe that she fought until her final breath. That she was strong all the way to the end." Kris let out a tired sob, "I can still hear her crying out for me in the night. She is everywhere, but I can never touch her again." She looked at the scars on her wrists, "I tried to join her, but I failed; I failed her in life and I failed her in death." Sarah tried to think of some way to comfort her friend's pains, "It wasn't your fault." She said. Kris looked at Sarah again, "Wasn't it? Maybe if I didn't look so much like a boy. I could have tried harder to dress like everyone else. Then maybe... maybe..." Kris trailed off thinking of all the 'maybe's' and 'could have's', "And what about you? We have only known each other for a short time and look at what I've done to your life. Tonight I could have lost you because of my stupidity and I can't go through something like that again." She rolled over so her back was to Sarah and whispered "I can't, I'm sorry...." Sarah confusion rose. Here she thought that Kris was strong and brave, but what she didn't realize was that every day the girl was struggling to keep herself together, and no one offered a helping hand. She touched her own lips, then looked down at the sobbing girl that lay curled up in her bed. Noone, but herself. She got up and turned out the lights, then returned and pulled off her house coat before crawling into bed next to her friend. Kris felt Sarah's body move close to her and her arm gently slip around Kris's waist. Kris rolled over to see Sarah laying beside her in the dark, brown eyes glistening in the night. Sarah was the first to speak, "I didn't hurt you, did I?" Sarah asked. Kris shook her head. It had been a long time since she had felt a real body laying next to hers. She didn't know what to do, when she felt a pair of lips softly brush against her cheek, then to her lips. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the sensation that flowed through her body as the two of them softly kissed, Kris could no longer restrain the pressures that had built up inside of her. She wanted to be pet, she wanted to caress Sarah, she wanted to taste her. She finally gave in to the urges and allowed one of her hands slipped up Sarah's nightgown, slowly stroke the girl's leg, but when she opened her eyes Jennifer's face was floating in front of her. Kris pushed herself backwards until she hit the wall behind her. The light snapped on and Sarah looked over at Kris. The girl looked as if she had seen a ghost. "I'm sorry. I just...." Sarah said with a blush. Kris closed her eyes tight and clenched her hand to the side of her head. She was so confused, was she really falling in love with the girl that sat before her or was she only in love with the idea and the memory? Her emotions got tied up in knots. She didn't want to forget Jennifer, at the same time she longed to be with Sarah. However she didn't just want to have sex. The internal struggle for her heart was so much that she was about to scream. "I want to go home." Kris finally whispered. Sarah looked disappointed, "Was it something I did? I mean..." She stammered and began to get out of the bed. Kris reached out and grabbed Sarah by the arm forcing the girl to turn around a look at her, "It is not your fault. It is all mine. I just..." She felt the fog creep in and forced it at bay, "I can't stand the idea of you getting hurt. I think it would be best if you stay away from me from now on." Sarah stood there in shock. "I... I'm sorry, I didn't mean..." Tears started to fill her eyes. Kris was to her feet in an instant, wrapped her arms around the girl and whispered into her ear, "It's not you, It's me. I can't forget her face, and the feeling of her touch. I... I can't fall in love again. I don't understand what I feel for you right now, but I'm afraid that if I continue I'll only hurt you more. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?" Sarah slowly nodded and pulled Kris's closer, "I'm sorry." She suddenly started to cry, "I didn't mean to hurt you. I really didn't." She rambled, "It was their idea. I just...just..." Tears fell from Sarah's cheeks to land on Kris's arm. Kris turned the girl around to look at her, "You didn't hurt me..." She started to state when Sarah violently shook her head. "Yes I did." Sarah cried softly, "They bet me to get close to you." She suddenly admitted, her voice trembling, "I was supposed to break up with you during the dance. You are just so nice that I couldn't do it." She said, ashamed of how she treated Kris, "I didn't want to... I wanted you to touch me..." she trailed off. "A bet?" Kris was suddenly confused. Then she remembered Sarah was with her fan club during the first day of school. Kris clenched her fist as she realized that she was being played for a fool. Kris could feel the door to her heart slam shut, "So that is how it is?" She asked coldly. "I didn't know who you were." Sarah cried, "Still you were so nice to me. Treated me so kindly. Why did you have to make it so hard?" She asked between sobs. Kris stepped away from the girl in disgust, "I can't believe I had feelings for you." She said lowering her head, "Could I have my clothes? I want to leave." Kris ordered bluntly. "But!" Sarah started to protest, "I lov..." Kris cut the girl off before she could finish her sentence, "I'm sorry, but I can't love anymore. Never again." She concluded sorrowfully. "I'll go see if your clothes are dry yet." Sarah quickly disappeared out the door. Leaving Kris to her thoughts. Kris crossed the room and looked around at all the posters that covered the wall, mostly boys' bands and movie posters, and the stuffed animals that stood in a row across shelves that were nailed near the ceiling. She smiled at the girlish nature of the room. Nothing like her room or Jenn... How could she be so foolish? She should have known better than to let someone into her heart so easily. Did she actually love that girl? Not anymore. She considered if she could ever love Sarah, however the deception was to great on Kris's tender heart. She felt betrayed. Lost and truly alone. Tanya warned her and all Kris did was push her friend away. Now she had noone left. "Here are your clothes," Sarah said from the doorway, "I'm sorry, but they're still a little damp." Kris took her clothes, "That is alright, Thank you." She quickly pulled on her pants and shirt. Sarah nervously fidgeted, "Ummm... would you like me to walk you back to the school?" She suggested. Kris thought for a moment then shook her head, "No, that's alright. If you could just point me in the right direction." Kris looked around, "Where are my shoes?" Sarah pointed down the hall, "At the front door." Kris slipped past the girl and headed for the front door. She was in such a rush that it took her two times to get her heel into her shoe, then grabbed her jacket, "I'm sorry to run like this... I just..." She tried to think of a good excuse. Sarah tried to act like none of this was bothering her, "I guess... I'll see you at school then?" Kris straightened up and opened the door. She stood still as she looked out into the night. When she spoke she didn't turn around. "Maybe..." She said softly. "Will you be alright on your own?" Sarah asked concerned. "I live... I always do..." She left it at that and ran out into the cold night air. Sarah watched Kris disappear down the dark street. Only when the girl was out of sight did she let herself cry again, because she knew that even if she saw Kris again it wouldn't be the same. She felt like she just lost the best friend she ever had and maybe even the first person she'd ever truly loved. Slowly she closed the door and walked to her room where she flopped into her bed and let out a deep mournful sob. ******* To be Continued....
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