I see the world through the eyes of a child I am immobile, and they fear my wrath Damned from birth I, yet damned to live on Helpless and hopeless I sit on my throne Cursed to watch all and never to speak Anger, tormented, unfair, help Yet cruelty plays an unusual hand When it bestowed upon me this horrible skill For with a single gaze I, greater than a gorgon Can turn your body to dust, and have the last laugh ---------- Disintegrator Time does not seem to pass when you're sitting around in a strange building, waiting for something to happen and wondering why you're there in the first place. It feels like eternity, like time itself doesn't even matter, and no matter what you do, the world will still be there when you get out—unchanged and solid, though rotting from the inside. It wasn't as if I didn't have anything to do, because boredom can be cured if you have an imagination. It was the sheer act of waiting, of not knowing where you were going next or even why you weren't doing anything at all. I had explored as much of the place as I could since I arrived, and had gotten to know at least one person well. Our group numbers three—four if you count "him"—but we seem to be less since one member of our "team" wants nothing to do with us. I wasn't given any details about Kagemusha, not even why she was here, and she wouldn't tell me no matter how much I asked. Rancor, who turned out to be a good friend in spite of her name, said simply that her reason was to "cure her anger and to find somebody who can penetrate her shell with love". It seemed like a pretty noble idea; I just wanted freedom and relief from my prison, and I got it. "So what do we do now?" I asked her. "Dunno. It's up to Mr. White. He told us that one of our purposes was adding more members to our group, but how're we supposed to do that? The world's a pretty big place—I mean, where do you start looking? Kagemusha and I, now, we were referred here by Dr. Kamaguchi, and you..." "I was just found," I stated. "Or selected, you could say. Do you know how he knew about me?" "Mm-nn," she shook her head. "Mr. White is a big mystery. I've known him the longest, I guess, but that's not saying a lot. Sorry." "You don't have to apologize." I crossed my arms and let the silence fall over me. Well, though it was pointless, dreary, and lifeless around there, at least it was better than that lab I was taken out of. I had learned of its destruction not long ago, and read that a girl who could control fire had helped destroy it. I knew it was Kailin, and felt relieved that she was all right. I wanted to go out looking for her, but as Rancor said, where could we start? And would Mr. White even consider Kailin "lost"? What was the criteria, anyway, or was there any? "I've got a headache," I murmured. Rancor smiled sadly and gave me a hug. "Yeah, you look real stressed. You want something to drink?" "Yeah, tea or milk is fine. Kagemusha, we're going for drinks. You want any?" As usual, the shadow master-girl answered with silence before answering with words. "...No thanks." I shrugged and walked to the kitchen, Rancor following me. I knew the place well; it was the closest thing to a real home I had ever known. Rancor and I had become fast friends, but I suppose when there are only three people constantly in one space, and one prefers strict solitude, it's inevitable that the remaining two draw to each other. We got along well in spite of Rancor's warnings, and there was little conflict between us. We drank our drinks and decided the kitchen was just as good a place to stay in, so we remained. "The Lost..." I mused to myself. "What do you suppose it means? Lost from what? Who determines whether we are lost? Does he, Mr. White, mean lost possessions or parts of one's self, or lost in the path of life, or maybe just a poor wandering soul that is lost from all the others?" "I don't know," said Rancor honestly. She washed both glasses and resumed leaning against the counter. "Hopefully," she added, "we'll get some answers, and not before it's too late." "Too late for what?" "Just...too late. Or is that too morbid?" I shook my head. A girl who has psychic abilities is rarely surprised, but this time... "Marissa, Merry, come to the central room. I would like to speak with you." We both looked up, wondering where the familiar voice had come from. "Was that...Mr. White?" "I guess so. Looks like you're not the only telepath in the family." Rancor gave me a playful nudge and led me back to the room we had come from earlier. Kagemusha was still there, of course, and she still hung back even as Mr. White appeared from, it seemed, the air itself. "Good morning," he said. How can anyone tell the time in this place? "I have an announcement to make, everybody. Through special contacts and communications, I have discovered the possibility of another candidate for ‘The Lost'. She is...quite powerful, and quite dangerous, so I suggest all three of you go on this mission. I want you to find her and try to convince her to come with you. If you cannot, send me a distress signal and I shall attempt negotiations personally." He smiled, as always, and with a gesture, a large holographic image with perfect reception appeared before our trio. I saw a picture of a girl trapped inside the confines of a wheelchair, and instantly I felt pity for her. I knew what it was like to be a prisoner of sorts, and the indifference I felt earlier washed a little more away. She was young, about Kagemusha's age, but seemed sick and gaunt from malnourishment. Her hair was matted and tangled, her eyes dull and sunken, her face childish and wild. Her right arm was in some kind of brace; she moved very slowly, very unsteadily, and could only move her arm and her head. I gasped; Rancor watched sadly; Kagemusha snorted. "Who's the quadriplegic freak?" "That," said Mr. White, a hint of sharpness in his voice, "is Alisti Kreager, known as the Disintegrator. Her mind and body are all but lost, yet she continues to be one of the deadliest people in the world. She has the ability to break matter down and tear it on a quantum level, reducing it to dust. She has wiped out all attempts to stop her, and her motives and movement now remain unknown at best. I want her here, where she will hopefully feel less subjugated by the whims of the outside world." In unison, all three of us gawked at him. "You're kidding, right?!" "Disintegration? No way? I'm not about to be killed for some...handicapped kid who can blast things apart! Find yourself another lab rat!" "I hate to say it," grumbled the shadow girl, "but I agree with pinky. There's nothing we can do; a power like that is far too strong to control. You must think we're gods or something." "I believe on the contrary," he said, smiling eerily. "And Miss Kreager may indeed accept our offer without a fight. Do not be alarmed. I would not send you up against a...hopeless match, you suspect, without proper aid. I will give you equipment that will repel the forces projected upon your molecules and keep you safe from harm." "Why do I have the most unusual feeling of distrust and disgust?" snorted Kagemusha. I agreed. "Mr. White, perhaps this is not the best way to go about this. Are you sure—" "Yes, completely. She would be less of a threat to others and herself if she were confined here. Well...I shall not force any of you to go. But remember, I have bargained with each of you. I am giving you what we agreed for; matters of this kind are what I have agreed upon. In other words, ladies, if you do not help me, why should I be inclined to help you?" I looked at Mr. White in disgust, and I can safely say that everyone else did as well. I was okay with doing odd jobs here and there, and going out to bring in new members—evangelism, I guess you could call it—didn't bother me. But risking my life in the process? Going up against a mindless person who could turn me into dust like that?! Ridiculous!! "Fine," sighed Kagemusha, "I'll do it. Where's that damn protection?" Rancor gawked as Mr. White pointed the shadow girl in the right direction. "Waitaminute! Are you seriously going out there?" Kagemusha turned her head, and for once, didn't seem to have a look of hatred or spite for her, or anybody. "I don't have a choice." "Then I'm coming along! I'm not gonna just let you die out there!" "It's your choice. I don't care one way or the other." "Come on, Marissa!" She slapped my arm and gave me a What-are-you-waiting-for look. "You're coming too, right? I mean, Kagemusha may need our help! She is our friend, even though she doesn't act like it!" "I heard that," muttered she. I gave my good friend a grimace, but knew that in order to be a good friend, I would have to stand by her when things got tough—and it normally doesn't get tougher than negotiating with a girl who can blast you to smithereens with a thought. "I'll go," I said at last. "Mr. White, I hope for everybody's sake that this protective equipment works. If not, we'll haunt you forever." He smiled that same usual smile—not that he had ever shown any other face—and nodded. "Trust me." ......... Kagemusha said she had no choice, so there must've been something deep gnawing at her mind to make her accept this do-or-die mission. Maybe it was something horrible, or very personal, like revenge or forgiveness. No matter what it was, she wasn't telling a soul, but if it was so important that the young woman would risk her life for it, I could understand why she kept silent. Rancor was merely trying her hardest to be a good friend, as I was, but midway into the mission, things caused us to question our position. Like, should we run and forget about this? We're free, aren't we? Rancor and I could scratch out a living ourselves, and disappear from society if need be. But the shadow girl, ah, she had no choice. And Rancor wasn't going to let her die alone and forgotten. So neither was I. "This is the place," I whispered, "but nobody's here." "That's because this whole place is in ruins, fool." "That could be why," noted Rancor. We wandered and wondered, juggling whether or not we should split up. I thought we could cover more ground, but Rancor argued we would be able to protect each other better if we stayed together. We both knew that Kagemusha would want to go off on her own, so we left her to her decision and stayed with each other. The young girl gave us a snort, but stayed by our side. "The least you could do is act as a shield in case this equipment fails. And what good do you think a couple of necklaces could do anyway?" She looked down at the thin silver chain around her neck and fingered it. It looked just like any cheap piece of garbage you'd find in the bargain bin. I left mine alone and prayed it would suffice. No sense having any freedom if you die before you know what it's like. As one, with the cloak of shadows hanging over us (yes, provided by Kagemusha to ensure our better chances), we crept through the ruins towards what we hoped would be a peaceful meeting with a possible teammate. Kagemusha was taking the rear, keeping the darkness looming before our trio; Rancor was ahead of us, flexing her powers in case some attack came. Her skin could turn into thick armor and back again into soft flesh; I used my psychic powers during peaceful intervals to determine if anybody was around. We were quite a good team when it came to stealth—now if only we could cooperate so easily in leisure! "Hey," I whispered some lonely moments later, "I can feel somebody's presence. But the mind...it's made of pure childish malevolence. It's like there's nothing left of it at all but carnal feelings and primitive emotions. I don't even know if this is a person." "Where at?" I closed my eyes and in spite of the oncoming headache, I focused in the direction. I shrieked suddenly as a piercing sound blocked my senses, and fell to the floor in pain. It sounded like a loud, shrill whistle had blown in my ear, but I regained control after taking a few breaths. "I'm all right," I said to Rancor as she helped me up. "I just felt a strong defensive presence. Whoever this is, they have telekinetic powers as well." "So that's a problem," stated Kagemusha. "Yes, but not a big one. It was very weak. If it came from our target, there's no doubt she's in more pain than I am. It must've taxed her to use so much force to block my probing. Now's a good time to head out." I ran ahead of the group, with the others following behind, Rancor deactivating her armor for better mobility. I led the team where my mind had been earlier, and stopped as it had stopped, right around the point of defense. We could see our target—not much different than the image Mr. White had shown us—and sure enough, she seemed dazed. I took a cautious step forward, holding my hands out to indicate peace. "Easy now. Easy there. I won't hurt you, Alisti. I'm a friend. I want to help you." The girl was unresponsive, but that wasn't necessarily a good thing. Silently, I motioned for the others to step in, and noticed that our target's head was slumped down. I dared to touch her pulse. "She's alive, maybe sleeping. I don't suppose we can take her with us in this state, can we?" "Unlikely. She looks like she needs that wheelchair. Moving her would be a bad idea." "Why?" Kagemusha seemed to radiate in darkness, as the sky itself turned black and all sorts of shadows came out. One in particular fell on Alisti. Kagemusha began muttering dark, nonsensical words, and to my amazement, the wheelchair-bound girl lifted off the ground, aided by the hands of thousands of dark servants. "...That's impressive," admitted Rancor. "How did you—" "Ssh! I need to concentrate!" We left Kagemusha to her business and watched. Suddenly, a movement came from the wheelchair, and a squeal rose up from the dark silence. A mute voice howled, and my ears suddenly felt like a shattering pain was destroying them. Every part of my mind and body was quivering with flame—and then she spoke. RELEASE! "Put her down!" shouted Rancor—but Kagemusha was already weakening and losing her grip. The chair fell with a crash, jostling the poor girl as it came down. The master of shadows fell to her knees limply; I remained screaming in pain. The wheelchair turned around, Alisti now fully awake, glaring at us in juvenile hatred. STRANGERS! "We're friends!" shouted Rancor. It was like yelling through a gust. Alisti gave a guttural roar and moved closer, her right hand braced and moving tenderly. LEAVE! "We came to help you!" LEAVE! "We want to help you! We know somewhere you can be safe, where you won't have to keep running from people! Alisti, please, let us help you!" STUPID! A blast of indescribable power thrust itself against Rancor, and I screamed. She formed as much of her armor as she could and held fast as the disintegration struck her. From my position, I could actually see the blast of power: it sunk into a depression around some invisible barrier. I gasped as I realized the necklaces had done their work. "Rancor!" She couldn't talk because of her armor, so I tried communicating with the deranged girl. Listen, Alisti! We don't want to harm you. We came to help. Do you understand? STUPID! I buckled under the pure rage. We're friends! My name's Marissa...that's Rancor and Kagemusha. We came to take you to a safe place! LIES! It's the truth! Please, listen to us! DIE! "NO!" The blast struck me, but all I felt was a gale. Kagemusha growled and produced what looked like a sword made entirely of black air. "This is pointless! We should kill her now and put her out of her misery, and ours!" "Stop, don't! I won't let her die!" "Don't touch me, bitch!" Rancor wrestled with the shadow girl, but having an advantage in terms of size, strength, and age gave her an easy win. She pinned the girl close to her chest easily, holding her back from the killing blow. Kagemusha spat and struggled, but could not break free. Rancor then turned to the source of all this terror. "Listen to me, Alisti! Don't you see? I want to protect you, and so does Marissa! Our friend here isn't bad; she just wants for all of us to be safe!" "Bullshit!" "Shut up! Alisti, please!" BULLSHIT! "Oh, no." Blast after blast came after us, until it felt like even the necklaces couldn't keep us from harm. None of us could stand up to that power, so what could we do except submit and die in defeat? Fortunately, we never got the chance. But only because "he" showed up. Battered and wind-torn, I watched as Mr. White appeared from nowhere, as was his custom, and walk up to our target. Alisti studied him with disinterest, and sneered as he came closer. He smiled, and didn't even slow down as she tried to blast him. Her head suddenly fell into a slump, and I could only assume she had blacked out from too much use of her power. Mr. White came over to her and touched her scraggly hair, like a father would to his daughter. "She will be all right. I am sorry to put you all through this; I did not think her powers were this great." "You bastard! What have we been telling you this whole time?" "Shut up, Kagemusha!" Rancor tossed her on the ground; she stumbled and managed to stand up properly. We all glared at him regardless. I walked up to him, still wary of the unconscious creature sitting there. "Will she be all right?" "As right as rain, but who can say when? I will bring her home personally; we have much to discuss. You see, I have been looking for her for a very long time now. It does irritate me when I cannot utilize every source at my disposal, but...such is my position. Now." The next thing I knew, I was feeling very tired. After that, I entered the land of no dreams, and vaguely remembered Rancor asking me to wake up. It seems our little group had increased in number since my brief absence. Well, the more the merrier, right? Yeah, I know. I have a bad feeling about this too. ---------- May the Lost find their way home, wherever it is, whenever it may be. In the next chapter, the four lost souls are asked to search for one that may not even have a soul, one who has nearly succumbed to the designs of machines. In the next chapter, sterility, logic, and order shall determine everyone's fate, in "Technomancer".
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