"Ten Love Stories" One: Rai Union Raisa Lanceten Zanders had a strange dream one night. She was walking through a nondescript grassy field, wearing shorts and a forgettable shirt, when she came across the oddest thing in the world: herself, or rather, three copies of her. One of the "Rai clones" looked exactly like her, but acted in a much more severe manner, keeping to herself and shutting everything else out. Another was more like the festive Rai, the one who was happy and joyously sentimental—in other words, a recessive representation. The third was hunched over, her back turned, her hair black and hidden away. Rai breathed in the colors; her muscles could not move. "Hey! How are you?" chirped Happy Rai. Normal Rai, she assumed herself to be, stared back at herself. "Very confused." "Heehee, you're so silly!" "Will you shut up?" grumbled Cold Rai. "You're so annoying. Can't you just go away and leave me alone?" Happy Rai stuck her tongue out, but Cold Rai ignored her. Normal Rai felt worse than before—watching herself battle herself was definitely freaky—so she made her way to the third "version" and touched her shoulders. The girl looked up, sad and lonely. She was weeping and looked frightened. "W-what?" "What's going on?" Sad Rai sniffled. "I wish I knew. Nobody includes me in on anything. They all stay away from me. Happy Rai is so small and quiet, I can't see her or hear her, and Cold Rai hates me. She beats me and leaves me to cry." "Why?" "I don't know," whispered Sad Rai, sniffling. She went back to hugging herself; meanwhile, Happy and Cold were in a nasty spat. "Come on, play with me!" "Get off!" "Please? I promise we'll have lots of fun!" "Go away." Cold pushed Happy on the ground and walked away, but never out of sight. Acting purely on instinct, Rai picked her "happy version" up and asked if she was all right. "Yeah, Cold does that to me all the time. Thanks for helping me." Happy gave Rai a hug and even kissed her on the lips. Rai jerked back, staring at the ditzy Her-Girl as if she and everything around her was totally nuts. Happy just laughed and skipped away. "Wait! Hey, you—uh, Happy! Come back here!" Happy stopped and turned to smile. "Come here for a second." Rai took the girl's hand and forced her over to where Sad was. Sad didn't notice either of them; she was too busy wailing. "I know, I see her all the time," said Happy, sounding a little more serious. "I would love to help, but I'm too small and quiet. I'm not seen around here as much. Usually it's her," and here she pointed to Cold, who was still visible, "and she's not good company. But she's the boss around here and we have to do what she says." "Well what about me?" Rai crossed her arms. Happy smiled sadly. "You are you. You are the boss. Whatever you say, we have to obey. If you're Sad, we obey Sad. If you're Happy, I'm the boss. Normally we have to obey Cold." "Why?" "That's the way you work, I guess. But I don't care, I'm still Happy, and one day I'll make Cold happy as well." She smiled brightly and kissed Rai again, then went skipping about. Rai slowly wiped her mouth—it was a little unusual to be kissing herself—and decided to sit down in the grass. Her thoughts dwelled on Ana suddenly. What would she think if she saw this... To her surprise, a fourth "copy" appeared, and made its way to her. This one seemed shy and quiet, but Rai instantly knew that she had more love in her heart than all the others. Perhaps thinking of Ana, not as a negative but as a wistful musing, had created her. Was this Love, maybe? "Are you Love?" "Yeah," said Love, blushing heavily. "I... don't come here very often. Usually I'm lost. Happy and I are a team, but I can't stand to be around Cold. You wanna know something? I miss Ana. I miss being with her. I miss hearing her laugh, seeing her smile, feeling her touch. Ana was everything to me. Without Ana, I wouldn't even exist." "But what about Haley?" whispered Rai. Love smiled and blushed. "There's that, but... I want Ana. I want to see Ana again." Sad, not too far away, wept and bawled, and Love came over to comfort her. The two kissed and Love wiped away her tears, then moaned as she vanished in the wind. Cold was coming, and she wasn't in the mood to deal with anything. "Stupid Love, how dare she come here!" she snorted. She gave Rai an apathetic look and crossed her arms. "What're you looking at? You should be pleased, boss. You're practically looking in a mirror now." "...Huh?" "I'm You," said Cold, as politely as she could. "I'm everything you love. You know what? I don't need Ana. I hate Happy, and Sad is just pathetic." "That's so cruel." Cold shrugged. "It's no different than what you do all the time." The words stabbed Rai like a serrated knife—not only cutting, but shredding and tearing as well. Sad sat up. "I'm the boss now!" she exclaimed, her eyes dry for awhile. "Everyone, you have to obey me now! I'm the dominant force!" "Damn!" snarled Cold—but she didn't have a choice. She knelt and asked, "How might I serve you? Together we can work very well." "I don't like you right now!" snapped Sad. "I miss Ana too! I wish you had never been so mean to her! How could you? You nearly killed Love, and Happy is lost!" "Happy's over there," pointed Rai, and there she was, picking flowers. Sad shook her head. "I can't see her. I've never been able to see her. Cold and Love are the only ones I see, and Cold hates me. I miss Ana so much!" "Fuck you," whispered Cold, though she still knelt. Happy squealed. "Ana was the greatest! She and I got along so well!" "We were two different people," argued Cold. Sad smiled. "But I was never around with her. Boss, remember? I was gone whenever you were with Ana—and sometimes I appeared when she left. That's why I can't see Happy. I think... it's a good sacrifice." "Oh, shut up." Sad started to cry new tears as she glared at Cold. "I pity you." "Go throw yourself off a bridge." "Don't they make the cutest couple?" joked Happy. Cold and Sad snapped at her. "Stay out of this!!" To Rai's surprise, two more versions of "her" appeared. One was Love again, no mistaking it, but the other was a stranger. When Rai looked at Number Five, she couldn't see any emotion, only herself—only what she herself projected. It was a perfect mirror image, except for very tiny details that only a clear eye could see. Number Five nodded her head to Rai in reverence. "And you?" Five only said one word. "Truth." She walked over to Cold and touched her face. They kissed very passionately, Rai watching in horror. "This is who I am," said Truth. Rai shook her head. "No, that can't be true." "I never lie." Rai swallowed. Sad perked up. "I'm getting more powerful! Cold's time might yet come to an end!" "But this is how I am," said Truth. She nuzzled Cold's neck; Cold, for her part, was unreceptive. Rai wheezed. "I don't want to be like that anymore." And now even she wept. Sad laughed. "I'm strong, but I don't feel bad. I feel like I'm cleansed." Truth walked over to Sad, wiped her tears away, and kissed her cheek softly. "Regret," she whispered in her clone's ear. Love laughed gently. "If Rai keeps on watching, she might... oh, gosh!!" "Tackle-glomp!" screamed Happy. She pounced on Love and the two rolled through the grass like children. Rai couldn't help but chuckle. Truth released herself from Sad and looked directly at her. "Tell me how you feel." "Don't you know?" "I only know the truth." Rai sighed, weeping tears of joy and regret. "I love Ana Lu... with all my heart." "YAY!" "She makes me feel so happy..." "AWRIGHT!" "I'm never sad when I'm with her." "Which is a good thing," said Sad. "She ticks me off... but deep down, I love her. And yes, I miss her so much." Cold snorted, but managed a smile. "So you're getting rid of me?" "...I hope so. I never want to see you again." Cold smiled happily. "Oh, you may yet. I'll be the weakest one, I wager, but you may yet. For now..." Cold walked away from the group of Rai clones, waving farewell as she vanished. Happy squealed farewell; Sad was anything but herself; Love held onto Happy gently. Truth watched a piece of herself diminish with a light heart. "Rai," she said, "you know what this dream means. Ana does love you. She just needs to know you love her back. Go to her." "And give her a big kiss when you do!" "Maybe... we can cuddle?" whispered Love. "Or have hot steamy lesbian sex!!" Love blushed but laughed anyway. Even Sad seemed happy. "The less you see of me, the better. I won't be as easy to get rid of as Cold, but..." "I know," said Rai. She smiled at her four remaining selves, and heard Happy say farewell and good luck one last time before her alarm went off. It was a Sunday. Karaoke Once upon a time, Ana had said this place was wonderful, and she wanted to go all the time. It being a weekend, Rai figured it was the best place to start looking. She first asked the DJ if he had seen Ana, then snooped around the general populace. She heard the MC call out her name, and her heart leaped up as Ana Lu mounted the stage. Sad, or the ghost of her, began crying as she saw how horrible Ana looked. The post-sex breakup had done terrors to her once-bright frame. A veil of angst and depression covered her face. Rai's eyes leaked salty tears as Ana grabbed the mic and, very poorly but passionately, belted out a lamentation. My heart is empty. Your eyes are dark. Once we were hungry, Now we are full. These chains that bind us, Can't beat these chains. If love is shelter, I'm gonna walk in the rain. You were my angel. Now, you are real. So like a stranger, Colder than steel. The morning after, You know what you bring. If love is a red dress, Well, hang me in rags. Away. There goes the fairy tale. Lord, ain't it a shame? In all this comfort, I can't take the strain. If we played even, I'd be your queen. But someone was cheatin'. And it wasn't me. I've laid it on the table, You had something back. If love is Aces, Give me the Jack. The applause was polite at best; a few snorted and asked for a better singer. Rai, on the other hand, felt pierced. What a tragic voice! Maybe Ana really had a wonderful tune, and she had been too mired by misery to get the notes right. In any case, Rai wanted nothing than more to talk to her, to beg forgiveness, and have the light back in her life. She squeezed through the crowd and found Ana's table. Lu looked up and seemed surprised. "Oh, what'cha doin' here, Rai? You said you didn't like this place." "...I wanted to see you," she said shyly. Love stepped up and prepared herself for what she hoped would be a long reign. Sad did the same. "Oh. What for?" Rai snaked her hand across the table and took Ana's. "I miss you," she said, her voice throaty. Ana frowned. "Rai, don't." "I miss you, Ana." "Don't. You already hurt me before." "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Rai hung her head. Sad gave Love a shrug as the latter accepted defeat. She wept. "Ana, please forgive me. Please." "Rai, please. I don't want you to be with me if you don't love me." "I had a dream," she said, gasping for time, "a dream where I confronted myself—different aspects of myself. I learned that my cold side was the dominant, that I was sad when you weren't around, and that love and happiness were oppressed. I learned the truth, too. The truth is... I don't want to be cold anymore." Ana Lu scoffed. "Rai, what mushrooms have you been eating?" "I'm serious," she said through tears. Rai's face was now wet. Ana took a closer look and sighed. Rai nearly choked on her words and managed, weakly but surely, "I'm in love with you, Ana. I'm in love with you. Fully and completely. And I hate my life without you. I'm so lost." She resigned herself to Ana's judgment and sat there, her voice and tears silent. Ana touched her cheek and took the wet trail in her finger. "My Rai... do you really mean this?" "Yes, I do. I want to be your girlfriend, Ana." "...I love you," said Ana weakly. "Do you believe me?" "With all my heart." "What about before?" Rai shook her head. "I was stupid. And scared." "Scared of what?" "...That you were just pretending. That you were just treating me like a trophy girlfriend... or boyfriend. That you... didn't really care." "Why didn't you say?" Rai sighed. "I was scared." Ana smiled weakly. "You're such a wimp." And she kissed Rai right on her blessed nose. "I never stopped, you know," she whispered. Zanders did not have to ask her what she meant. That evening, two new lovers were born in the flare of lovemaking. Ana desperately clung to Rai in the cold of the night and whispered her name over and over again, each time saying just how much she loved her, how she had missed her, how she was Rai's forever. Rai wept with love and allowed herself to be fully taken by Ana; she broke her love's virginity and made her part of her own self. Ana pinned Rain down, releasing the braids of her hair, and let the gold shine down to transform herself into a woman. She made love to Zanders again and again; Rai was helpless and she cherished every moment of it. They hit orgasm and snuggled, too weary to speak, too happy to need anything else. In Rai's dream, Happy and Love ruled side by side; one could not tell them apart even with Truth alongside them. End Two: Pain and Gain Sarah Johansson had her weekend date with Jean-Jacques Andrews all planned out; she just needed to get one last thing done. Her paycheck had been low as usual for the week, and she desperately needed money to buy dinner, so she decided to sell a few of her DVD movies and music CDs to a store. She got $40 for everything and was disappointed to find all those movies were of so little value. She had even sacrificed a few she liked! Whimpering, she drove off to the blood center and braced herself for the needle and following dizziness. No wonder there were so few teachers in the world. The pay stunk. Bearing a more appreciable sum along with her paycheck, Sarah was about to drive to the bank, but remembered she needed her card for a proper deposit (her ATM card would take longer to process). She quickly swerved home and since it would only take a second, she left the car running and walked up the short flight of stairs to her apartment. She then realized gruffly that her keys were still hooked together, all of them. She turned and walked back to the car, feeling irritated. She pulled on the handle, but it was stuck. "No," she whispered, and tried again. "No, darn it, no." She pulled on the other four handles, getting nothing. "No!" she shouted, kicking the doors uselessly. The keys were inside the car, and she had foolishly locked her doors out of habit. And the ignition was still running. Worst of all, her cell phone was in the car, and it wasn't getting any warmer outside. She shivered and cursed in Swedish. But there was a Yin to this Yang. Sarah lived within walking distance to a shop that specialized in opening locked car doors, making keys, security devices, and the like. Bundling up and taking a brisk step, she crossed the single street over, passed a Fazoli's, and came into the shop. A Hispanic man was busy chatting with an elderly woman; he didn't seem to notice her until the other customer left. "Yes?" he greeted. Sarah smiled sheepishly. "Hi, I accidentally locked my keys in my car, and I left the ignition running. Do you think somebody could help me?" "Ah, yes. You locked your keys in your car... and..." He wrote everything down. "The ignition's running. I was in a hurry." "Ignition's running. Uh, your address?" "It's the apartment just across the street, C-21. I drive a white Mazda." "White... Mazda. Okay, we'll have somebody look at it." "Thanks. Um, how much do you think this will be?" "Uh, usually costs thirty, thirty-five dollar." "Oh." Sarah turned pale and subconsciously squeezed the wad of bills she had with her. All that sacrifice for nothing. She wouldn't have enough to get a decent dinner. Dr. Andrews would've been so disappointed with her, but... such was the cost of foolishness. The man came over in five minutes and easily popped the lock open. Sarah handed him $32 exactly from her wad, having little more than a twenty left. Wondering if Andrews liked pizza, she went to the bank and deposited her money. If nothing else, the whole ordeal would certainly make a good story during their date, plus the locksmith gave her some coupons. One of them was for a spa; she vowed to visit there once she actually had time. The school musical was simply killing her. Fazoli's "Sorry," said Sarah sheepishly as she took Andrews' coat. "I couldn't afford anything nice. You wouldn't believe what happened." "Oh?" Andrews scooted in, honestly looking more man than woman that evening, and took Sarah's hand. She kissed it and locked eyes with the music teacher. "Do tell." After Johansson relayed her story, Andrews snickered and went up to get their food. She came back and shoved the breadstick in poor Sarah's nose. "Don't pick on me, I've had a rough day. See, I'm invincible; I gave blood. You're not supposed to be mean to people who gave blood." "I see." The sticker was displayed proudly upon her chest; Andrews secretly wished she could've put it on. "All right, I'm sorry. I'll buy you a cheesecake to make up for it." "Goody." She smiled and felt better already. Underneath the table, Andrews' toe slid up Sarah's leg and tickled her thigh. The Swedish woman gave a little grunt and slapped the doctor's arm. "Stop teasing me. We're in a public place." "So? To me it looks like a gentleman doctor trying to seduce a pretty woman." "But you're not a man." "I can be if you want." Sarah wiggled her finger back and forth. "Nn-nn, I want a lady, a proper lady. You seem to be my type—a little edgy, a little daring, sometimes naughty, sometimes sexy." "Sometimes? I'll have to work on that." "Stop." Sarah smiled and sipped her Coke. "So tell me, why is it that you can't seem to find a nice steady girlfriend? Word around the campfire is that you've slept with or seduced every woman over twenty in the school." "That's a pretty accurate rumor. Everyone except the Headmistress, and I daren't do that." "Why do you do that? I mean, I can't judge you because I'm not exactly a virgin either, but why everybody, or nearly everybody? Can't you find ‘the one'?" Andrews shrugged, and to avoid answering any questions, she began eating. Sarah sighed loudly and cut up her lasagna. "I also hear you were once Em McGowen's lover." "Mm, a long time ago. Not anymore, of course." "We used to be lovers." "Yeah, I know. Did she pine over me?" "Mm-hmm. I think she's with Miss Raulson now." "Hmm. Well, as long as she's not with me. I put her behind me. So how was she like to you?" "Very kind," answered Sarah, "and very loving. She was a little wild and even scary, but she always knew how to make me feel safe and loved." "Isn't that nice." "You don't like her much, do you?" "I told you, I put her behind me. Here, you got something on your mouth." Andrews scooped up a little red streak of sauce from Sarah's lip before it could be wiped away and stuck it in her mouth. Sarah laughed as her date relished in the taste. "So tell me, why is it that you go bed-hopping?" Sip. "I'm not into long-term relationships. I don't believe in them. I like one-night stands. The last time I spent more than a few weeks with someone was when I was going with Abianne, ironically. Miss Cerio." "Oh. That's weird. I'd've thought you two would be a pleasant couple, but I guess breaking up was inevitable. So you don't like long-term relationships." "No." "Why's that?" Andrews shrugged again. "Honestly, I've had rotten luck. My first lover abandoned me and took all my money and even some of my clothes. Emma broke my heart, my best friend killed herself when her boyfriend left her, and a teacher I was in love with was sent to prison after having an illicit affair—not with me." "Oh my God. Jean, I'm so—" "Spare it, I don't need your sympathy," she muttered. Sarah frowned, her heart going out to the poor woman. "I just—" "I said don't. Can I have a sip of your Coke?" "...Uh, sure." Andrews put her mouth on the straw and drank. When it was returned, Sarah sucked the straw in her mouth, wanting to drink the taste of the bitter, broken woman. The sugar of the soda gave it a more unique flavor; she had to wonder what kissing Andrews was like. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "Meh, it happens." Sarah idly picked at her meal while Andrews finished hers in a businesslike manner, quickly but politely. Sarah ate half her lasagna and saved the rest; they went to her apartment and Sarah soon found herself being seduced and getting laid. In the morning, Jean was nowhere in sight; she had left the music teacher naked and lonely. Sarah sighed, ran her fingers through her hair, and quietly got up to shower. Cafeteria After getting her meal from the head chef, Sarah made her way to the teacher's lounge, but paused when she realized she had forgotten napkins and a straw. Turning back, she walked casually until she saw a strange scene in the kitchen: Dr. Andrews was in there, and she had her lips along the graceful neck of one of the chefs, who looked to be lost in bliss. Sarah's heart broke, and she left for the teacher's lounge in tears. She came inside sniffling. Abi Cerio stood and walked over to her. "Honey? What's wrong?" Sarah shrugged and smiled sadly. "Oh... Jean's at it again, flirting with one of the school chefs." "Who was it?" "Ora, I think." The Headmistress shook her head and clucked her tongue. "Quite unprofessional of her. I never thought the good doctor capable of flirting in such a public place. I shall have to speak with her about this later. Will you be all right?" "I hope so, eventually." Sarah gave herself to Abi's hug, but to be honest, she was still in love with Dr. Andrews, and still had hope that somebody—maybe even herself—could break the woman's bitterness and fulfill her heart's desire. End Three: Celebration at the Club You are invited. Furious Hail called the place a "Mickey Mouse nightclub". She had actually gone in there and left feeling sick. She came back though, Corona in hand, no longer up to calling herself by her old alias. The nightclub for teens, as it was known, was bouncy and fun that evening, and was as safe as anyplace could be. No drugs, no booze, no violence and no sex—not publicly, anyway—meant that parents could feel safe about where their kids were going, and the young people themselves could have good clean fun. It was the perfect place to hold a celebration, and what merited celebration more than the excitement of mastering the school play and musical? Nearly everyone who was in the productions was there, along with a few people that weren't. Mira and Blake had dragged poor Usha there and were trying hard to get her to dance; Ayanna and Hero were colorful as always; the Fox sisters were hanging around, Jocelyn being led by one; Farrah had convinced Ivory to come, which of course meant that Ancelin was in on the deal; Olivia stood to the side, watching her friends; Gabrielle and Lilian were already worn out; Yuki was doing her best to make new friends; Vai stood of by herself. Olivia watched as several attractive guys came up to her friends and asked for dances. Most of them got the hint when the girls clung onto each other, but a few more unsavory types continued to pester them. Olivia watched the poor fools being rejected again and again, and would've felt inclined to laugh at their misfortune if she weren't feeling so lonely. That was the thing about crowded places: the more people, the lonelier she felt. Isolation had a certain kind of reflective peace to it, one that enabled her to understand herself better. In a crowd, she felt so... unfocused, so drawn everywhere. Somebody came up and smiled at her, asking the pretty wallflower to dance. She accepted without hesitation. Nobody came up to Vai. "I can't dance well anyway," she murmured to herself. She brushed by a couple just coming into the club and apologized; the people watching for them whistled and called them over. It was May and Janine, fashionably late but reasonably so. Aside from Avelina, who refused blatantly to come, they seemed to be the stars of the production. Alisha nudged her sister and pointed out that the two girls were holding hands. "Welcome, one and all!" shouted Farrah. She hugged everybody, whirled around, and cackled. "Let's pah-tay! Ivory, front and center! We're dancing and that's an order!" "Yes ma'am!" exclaimed she. The others laughed as the two friends did a bad tango, a shameful waltz, and a disco that nobody would write home about. Ancelin clapped, relieved that she was not in there—and then Ivory dragged her in, held her hand and hip, looked deep into her soft blue eyes, and smiled gently. "They're so cute!" whispered Mira to Usha. Krishnan gasped as she felt the girl's hand wander. Boom-boom-boom-boom, the beat throbbed, the feet swept, the arms raised, the heads bobbed and twisted, the bodies swirled and set the dark, brilliant room on fire. Couples congregated; bodies began to glisten with heat and lust; hands and lips touched and entwined; Ivory nuzzled Ancelin and whispered vaguely. Blake squeezed Mira's bottom. Erica whirled with Jocelyn. Alisha made her way to Vai. "Hey, baby," she sang, "you wanna rassle?" "Uh..." "Look at her blush, look at her blush!" Girls perched and crowed, flocking with feathers of their own, singing. Alisha shooed them away and returned to Vai, placing her arm directly over the girl's head. A look of expectancy and perhaps urgency was in her flirty eyes; Vai snuck away. "Um, no thanks." "Why, you don't like me?" "Uhhh..." "Anytime you wanna rassle, babe, just come to me." Vai felt trapped, but luckily, a matter of urgency kicked her in the bladder. She squeaked, "Uh, excuse me, I need to use the ladies' room!", and ran off. Alisha laughed and stared at the girl's behind shake as she scurried. She had wasted one effort; she would see to it that this one was put to some use. "Why did you do that?" The whine of her sister downed her spirits. She turned and gave a lurid grin. "Because I think she's sexy-hot, and I wanna get nasty with her." "Alisha, she's straight." "Are you sure?" "Are you?" The elder Fox shrugged. "I could find out." "Alisha, don't." She pointed and frowned seriously before going off. "Behave yourself, sister." Alisha snickered. "You are no fun at all. What a buzz-kill." Meanwhile, in the bathroom, Vai just had to wonder what it would be like... May and Janine happily took each other and danced privately, away from the eyes of friends and strangers. They felt relieved that practice was over and the musical would start soon, and whatever anxiety they had was lost in the noise, the smoke and smell, the feel of each other, and the heated music. They touched and smiled, feigning a flirt. May tickled Janine with her fingers and kept their hands together. Without inhibitions, Miss Bautista could have fun and not care what others thought, or even what she thought. She touched May's face. Together the paused, and looked at each other. Their hearts were dancing, their lungs flapping, their limbs shaking, their minds uncertain to what would happen next. Janine acted purely on instinct, silenced the conflict in her mind, and drew in both air and May's lips for a deep kiss. They embraced passionately, fingers running and trickling over clothes and bare skin, tender flesh merging and becoming moist; it went deeper and deeper until, with a desperate jerk, May took Janine and led her into the women's bathroom for privacy. They stopped near the sinks; May buried her face in Janine's neck, receiving a pleasant moan of pleasure for her efforts. She kissed and nuzzled as her hand went down to touch the younger girl's bosom; Janine hissed, her will lost to her own carnal satisfaction; she was lust now and didn't care who, or where, or why. They froze as they heard a toilet flush. They split apart awkwardly. Vai Knox came out, looking pale and a little stunned. "Hey," she whispered as she waved to them. The girl quickly washed her hands, said "Bye," and left them to their business. When they could spare a glance, Janine and May turned dark colors, feeling green around the cheeks. They shied from each other and spent the rest of the time at the club alone, trying to come to grips with what they had done, and what they were going to do about it. Vai left early and told nobody; Alex Blair and Corona were the last to leave, so lost were they in the warm gazes of each other. The Bautista home May volunteered to drive her friend home, but there was no conversation between the two. It was as if they were a mile apart, mute and blind to each other's presence. The radio was on but the distraction did little to puncture the silence. May arrived at Janine's home and noticed the lights were off. Her parents were either away or sleep, probably the latter. May dared to touch her friend as she saw her off. "You... wanna come in?" she offered hoarsely. May found herself nodding. "Sure." Much like Janine herself, the Bautista home had nice accessories, an optimistic atmosphere, a romantic feel, and a triad of cultures. Chinese lanterns hung here, Filipino paintings there, British furniture over there. Janine turned on some lights and went for the fridge. "Want anything to drink?" "Uh, yeah. Whaddya have?" "Tea, soda, OJ, water, some beer..." "Tea please. No beer." Janine smiled and took a half-empty jug from the fridge. She filled two glasses, first with ice and then with liquid, and the girls toasted. They finished and found coasters to put them on. "Thanks." "Sure. So... you ready for the musical?" "Yeah, you?" "I was born that way." May smiled. She chose silence, knowing that addressing the "elephant in the room" would only hurt their situation more. Maybe by avoiding it... "I think we have to talk." "Yeah." May drank and looked Janine in the eye. "I think I'm attracted to you." "I figured." "Do you feel the same?" Janine squeezed her eyes shut and hugged herself, as if the very idea was frightening. "Don't ask me that, please." "Why?" "I'm really uncomfortable with it." "You don't seem to... I mean, you did sort of kiss me back there. And while we were practicing..." "It was just pretend," she managed, smiling weakly. "It was just for some silly musical that my friend wrote, so what? We both agreed that it didn't mean anything." "...But what about earlier?" whispered May, sounding hurt. Janine cast her face down and put her glass away. "Don't ask me." "Jean..." "I... don't want to talk about it." May wanted to take Janine's face in her hands and wipe the confusion away. She wanted to look into those exotic brown eyes and see the truth of the girl's heart. She wanted to kiss her, she wanted to kiss her. Slowly, not wanting to scare her friend any more than she already had, May did all this and more. Soft caresses in the night, feel an unlikely lover showing me her smile, I wanna die don't you dare let me go, I wanna know how much do ya love me Simple smile on a girl I know, simple skin holding her untested love Break the dark and the barrier down, love the ghost of my forgotten heart Hold ya tight never let ya go, see your smile I know you'll never know How much I want you... How much I want you... How much I need you... Janine came to as she felt May's tongue shyly touch hers. She jerked away. "We can't." May sat up. "Why?" "I just can't. ...Sorry. I think it'd be better if one of us sleeps on the couch." "...Okay." She began to rise up. "No, you stay here. You're my guest. I'll see you in the morning." Janine left. May sighed. They had come so close... They were a million lives away... She couldn't sleep in Janine's bed. Janine lay awake on her couch, still feeling that lust. She wept and wanted to scream for the fear of it all. I am losing myself, she thought, and had a nightmare when she least expected it. May drifted off and wished Janine had been there; she spoke from her heart in the lonely darkness. "I think I love you." I wish May didn't make me feel this way. End Four: Alone Together Neither June nor Victoria had reason to go dancing with their friends, since they didn't participate in the productions nor did they want to go out anyway. June was obviously incapable of dancing, at least from the waist up, and she reasoned she needed to spend more time with her girlfriend anyway. The younger Tramble girl was thankful that her twin sister was okay with her having a girlfriend—June had come to terms with her sexuality when she was fifteen but only officially came out recently—and she was equally thankful for her girlfriend accepting her as well. "Are you sure you don't mind being with a girl who can't walk?" June had asked Victoria. Alone together in the Tramble house, they would stay that way until May came home the following morning. Victoria smiled and kissed June's cheek; they sat on the girl's bed together, the wheelchair forgotten. "I'm positive. Everyone needs love, right? I'm actually more concerned about our age difference. You'll be eighteen in about six and a half months; I'm stuck at fourteen until then. We're three years apart." June shrugged. "That shouldn't affect anything. I don't mind having a freshman as a girlfriend." "Freshwoman." June rolled her eyes. "I don't mind having a first year student as my girlfriend, then. Call me a senior citizen and I'll bite you." "How hard?" Victoria smiled, but blushed and apologized for her unusual outburst. June giggled; it was one of those adorable little traits she loved (Grissom's easy intoxication notwithstanding). She leaned over and kissed Vicki on the cheek, then the nose, then her lips. Victoria's hands slowly found their way to June's ears as she cupped them and gave a little squeak of happiness. June gasped very faintly as her lips were freed; she went back for more, wanting to truly taste her girlfriend, to permanently imprint on her mouth her sweet flavor. Victoria remembered to hold June and support her as the older girl took Victoria in her arms, in her lap, and forgot about everything save her. They kissed—many times, like a war of love where nobody lost and the prize became sweeter—and they touched each other and laughed, redhead with a dark-haired girl. Victoria wanted to cuddle up and never let go; she put her lips to June's quivering neck, gently feeling a nervous pulse, and pressed her mouth down slightly. Tramble laughed. "That tickles!" "Sorry." Grissom held her breath and kiss, kiss, kiss, random spots on the neck. Kiss, kiss, the shoulder. Kiss, kiss, embrace. June was warm, caring, and full of love. She needed someone to accept her without the use of her legs; Victoria was willing, and loved June; she was a servant and wanted the older girl happy. Kiss, kiss, sigh. They embraced. "Pretty," whispered Victoria, burying her face in June's long hair. It was the color of dark chocolate, rich and just thick enough to get tangled. It's like wheat in the dead of night, and when their eyes met, the shimmering brown sometimes turned copper in the right light. The feel is magical. "Cute Vicki," whispered June, rubbing their noses together. Grissom giggled. "You smell." "You smelling my nose?" "You're stinky," she laughed. "Stinky June needs a bath." "Hey! I'm not stinky!" "You're a smelly girl!" she laughed. "Junie smells like she needs to be washed." "I'm not smelly!" "Get a bath, honey," said Victoria again, loving and serious. June made a face. "Easier said than done." She wiggles her hips weakly, and that's about all she could do. Victoria kissed her chin. "But you can do it, right?" "Yeah, but it's not easy. It takes a long time. May used to help me, but I learned how to do it myself." Victoria's face turned sweet red as she smiled warmly. For once, she was totally aware of what she wants to say, and didn't let it embarrass her. "I could help you." Now June turned red. She swallowed. A part of her wanted to be daring; a part wanted to take things slow. "Would you? I mean, seriously." Victoria nodded. The daring piece of her triumphed, and she smiled. "All right. Bring my chair over here, will you?" June had the ability to throw herself into her wheelchair from her bed, but Victoria helped carry her. She could wheel to the bathroom, but Vicki pushed her; the door closed, and June lifted herself so she was sitting on the toilet (the lid was down). "Here's the tough part," she said. "Getting my top off is one thing; it's the bottom that kills ya. Socks, shoes, pants or skirt, panties, hose, the whole deal. It's like a circus." Vicki's face couldn't have possibly been more red. "I can... help you—that is, if you're okay with it." "Yeah," whispered June. Vicki raised her girlfriend's feet and carefully rolled her socks away, unable to resist howling over her smelly toes (she got slapped gently in the shoulder for that). June had a long skirt, which was easier to get into and out of than jeans, and a casual, worn-out T-shirt depicting a faded scene of Chicago's attractions, something she had picked up while vacationing there. "How do you...?" Grissom wondered about the leg coverings. "Usually I lay down flat on my back and go from the waist down. I have to move my legs with my arms and sort of yank it off a bit at a time. If I have help, all I have to do is raise myself up with my arms and they slide it off." "And your sister did this?" "She helped me at first. Oh, what? Vicki, don't give me that look, it's perfectly okay. We're twin sisters." Vicki smiled sheepishly. "Sorry. Um... you wanna... raise yourself?" "Oh." A steel bar had been added to the bathroom so June could conduct her business easier; she used this to prop herself up while lucky Victoria, blushing and breathing heavily all the way, had the extreme honor of pulling off the skirt. She looked away shyly and folded it while June lifted her T-shirt off. She had to force herself not to stare. "It's okay," said Tramble, as supportively as she could. "There's nothing I have that you haven't seen before." "Yeah, but... I'm really attracted to you. I think you're gorgeous." Both girls smiled and turned red, and Vicki managed to look. She blinked and tried to regulate her breathing. It wasn't every day, after all, that she was so close to someone almost naked, down to their bra and underwear, least of all someone she cared about so much. She grinned and told June how cute she looked and got a nice thank-you kiss. She watched as her girlfriend removed her brassiere. "Wow," she managed. June smiled, showing her dimples. "Yeah, not bad. Now comes the fun part. You wanna..." "To be honest, I do." She stared very hard and very seriously, although she still looked embarrassed. June managed not to burst a blood vessel as she lifted herself up, and winced slightly as Victoria took immense care in removing her white underwear. She gasped and tried not to have a nosebleed as she got a full-on view of June's naked crotch. "It's not... that bad, is it?" Vicki mutely shook her head. She quickly turned the bath water on and plugged up the tub. June was not expected to take a shower in her condition. She touched Vicki's back gently while it was turned. "Is this your first time seeing another girl naked?" "...No, just this close up," squeaked Grissom. June smiled. "Ah, I see. Um... do you wanna... join me? In the tub, I mean." If she had to be honest with herself, Victoria wanted nothing more. Well, maybe that and a few million bucks. "Yes," she croaked. June's touch wandered. "You sure? You don't sound...... I'm sorry." "I... want to, June," she whispered. To prove it, she turned around and gave June a hug, squeezing the girl's nude body close to her own, and they kissed. Softly, meekly, Vicki poked June's lips with her tongue, whispering for admittance. The gates opened and their keeper came out to greet the guest, and together Vicki and June shared their first tongue-kiss, becoming deeply intimate for what seemed like hours, until June raised her girlfriend's arms and removed her sweater. Vicki didn't need any "help" undressing, but June Tramble was more than happy to oblige. She tried not to faint as the last of Grissom's clothes found its way to the floor. They giggled at their own nudity. "I feel like I'm in a bad porno." "Yeah, me too." June found her way inside the tub with a little help from Vicki (oh, how she resisted pinching the girl's happy bare bottom), and she came in afterwards, moaning so softly at the perfect heat of the tub. Gently, Victoria took June into her lap and put her arms around her. She kissed the back of her neck and began playing with her long hair. They did not face each other; June was turned to the faucet, with Victoria's arms around her soft tummy. The eroticism was unbelievable. Victoria kissed along June's neck as she lathered a washrag and scrubbed her girlfriend's arms. She kissed her shoulders; June inhaled deeply as she raised her elbows up allowing full access to the underarms and part of her chest. Victoria paid her special attention on the back, knowing how difficult it was to wash that area. June moaned as the water dripped across the tub to her lap; Victoria was using the gentlest care on her legs, knees, feet, and thighs. She gasped and wished that her girlfriend would abandon the rag. She felt a small sweet tongue wrap around her ear, and closed her eyes to submit to the loving care of the younger girl. Vicki began rubbing her shoulders and spoke sweet nothings in June's ear; Tramble arched her head way back to kiss her sweetheart and to allow more access to intimate spots. Victoria smiled and slowly, with some hesitation, lifted her hands from June's tummy to her cute twin breasts, which she took and squeezed so faintly. "Ah! Vicki..." Tramble was nearly hysterical with emotion and feeling. She winced, and gasped, and sighed as Victoria's hands wandered so shyly over her bosom; she could feel the swelling of love and sex as Vicki's fingers brushed over her nipples, pinching and squeezing with intimate care. June cried out softly, and guided her hand to her vagina, not caring that anyone was around to watch her relieve herself. Vicki clasped her girlfriend's wrist—"Ah-ah-ahh, naughty-naughty," she teased—kissed it, then resumed massaging the girl's ovular orbs. June wailed and wished for her to never stop. "I want to... I want to," she panted. "I want to touch your... I want to. Vicki, please." "You want to what?" she teased, sucking on her sweet earlobes. "I want to touch your... you know." "My what?" "Your breasts," she whispered. "Please, let me." Vicki giggled. She had no idea she had this kind of power over women! "Well since you asked so nicely, and since you're such a good girl..." She kissed her love's shoulder, and with great effort, squeezed by and faced June, sitting in her lap and folding her naked legs around her waist. June smiled warmly as she got an excellent close-up view of the girl she loved, and together they kissed until Tramble reached out and took her prize. Vicki squeaked and shut one eye tight as her girlfriend groped her. "Pretty," said June, kissing Vicki's throat. Grissom felt like fainting, and submitted to the whims of the older girl. June only stopped once the water got too cold to sit in, and mutely, they dried off and wrapped towels around their body as Vicki wheeled June back to her room. "Now you're all squeaky clean!" she sang. Together they reclined on the bed, and the towels quickly lost their standing. Nude, happy, and in love, Victoria crawled up and positioned herself directly over June, giving a none-too-subtle look of desire. June's chest heaved in a jagged rhythm as her pulse went thud-thud-thud and her eyes glazed over with unusual lust. Vicki stared at her sweetheart, caressing her hair a little as she contemplated their position. "Are we gonna have sex?" asked Tramble. Grissom smiled gently. "You want to?" "...Yes." They both grinned. "I guess we will then. Junie, before we make sweet love to each other, I have a question. When did you realize you were attracted to girls?" "When I was fifteen, I told you." "No, I mean, what circumstances drove you there?" June smiled. "I developed a crush on another girl, one I've loved for a long time." "Oh, who was it?" Vicki poked her girlfriend's tummy and refused to stop until she knew. "No, it's personal! And you wouldn't believe me even if I told you." "Come on, tell me. If we're gonna have sex I may as well know. My first crush was Janine." "Oh. ...I think May likes her." "Yeah. I think Jeanie likes her too. She's just in denial. I think they would be a beautiful couple if they just admitted their feelings for each other." "Yeah." They grinned and clasped hands. June reached up to touch her sweetheart's dangling breast; Vicki mimed her actions perfectly. "So you gonna tell me?" June turned pale and looked away. "It's... weird." "Come on. I promise I won't freak out." "...You might." Victoria gave her a cute, reassuring smile, and June held her breath before releasing it. "It was May. I had a crush on May." Naturally, Grissom gave her a weird look. "You had a thing for your sister?" "Vicki, I told you—see?" "No, no, it's okay. I guess the whole twin thing and all... So did you ever tell her?" "No, of course not! She'd freak out." "Yeah, I guess. Gosh, your own sister, huh? That's kind of sweet. I mean, not that I've ever felt that way towards my own sisters, but..." She gave a naked shrug and smiled, then kissed the older girl's shoulders, whispering, "I guess we oughta have sex now." June could only moan silently. She shrieked as she felt Vicki's finger wiggle inside of her, and repaid the favor as Grissom scooted up, grinding their bodies together. And for the next hour or two, what they did to each other was no business of anybody's but their own. End Five: Broken We may look like the perfect couple, loving and caring, but we're not. Ethan drives me crazy sometimes; he can be a little weird, or overprotective. And even pushy. He doesn't understand me as a person; he's so tolerant of all my faults! I'm weak and broken and unable to move in certain ways; he sees me for what I'm not. I'm nothing more than a girl blind to all but the basics, doomed to see the world's complexity, shy and unreceptive. I've been hurt in the past because I fooled myself into thinking this time, this time around, I could change and be happy. Every time I've been disappointed, brought lower and lower, going deeper and sadder. Can I help it if the pain lingers? She flashes her handicap around like it's a badge. She's always pointing to her lack of vision as the focal point for her problems, especially her social life. "They'll make fun of me, Ethan, they'll call me a freak. I can't socialize because I'll just get hurt again." It's annoying, to say the least. I wish she would just stop blaming herself and go out there. She needs to feel comfortable and friendly; she can't spend all her time clinging to me. Avelina has so much going for her, but this handicap is making her lazy. She's got nothing to fear. She just needs to try. There are days that I feel like I don't even know you! You never tell me anything about yourself unless it's something small, and when I ask, you don't give me good answers. "I wish I knew" isn't very good. Why do you not know? How can you not know your parents? Where did you come from? How'd you get that limp? Why are you afraid of dogs? I love you, Ethan, but I want to love all of you, not just the parts you feel safe in showing me. I want to love everything. I wish we wouldn't argue like this. You keep insisting and I keep insisting. You say I'm pushing you, I say I want you happy. You think I want you out of my life, I just want you to have a fuller one. You say you only want me, I say you should have some friends. We have a lot of work to do if we want to keep this relationship. You need to ask me more things, to prod, to not make me feel embarrassed. You want a romantic date? Tell me you love me and tell me how I can be a better man. What do you want? Avi, maybe we should talk. Our relationship isn't perfect—we have so many problems to overcome—but it's all we have. I think we met and grew to love each other on purpose. We just need to keep at it, to not let little things like this affect us. As Avelina's only real friend, Vai wasn't sure she wanted to play the middle woman. "She is trying, Ethan," she insisted to him. "Believe me. I know what it's like to feel so shy around people, to feel left out, like you're always isolated. I still can't believe she actually went up to me and started talking. I used to believe that stuff like that didn't happen, that it was all nonsense. It's even more unbelievable considering who it was that came up to me. That was brave; I don't think I could do that. She's obviously improving, just don't push her." "...That's good advice," he admitted. Ethan sat up and smiled gently. "You're a good solid friend, Vai. You told me about all your bitterness and how much you hurt, but I can see you're really quite kind and loving. Like you said, perhaps somebody just needed to show they cared." "...Yeah." Vai smiled shyly and parted her hair. Ethan sighed and rested back on the floor. "What did she tell you?" "That you should tell her about your past." "I don't know that much." "You should at least explain why." "Again," he sighed, "you're right." "Mm, it's not that hard to figure out. Avi's the first real friend I've had in a long time; I'm beginning to think she may cling to me sometime." He smiled gently. Then he became more serious. "I wish I could... comfort you in some way in regards to your perception on love and relationships. Vai, you should keep Avi close, that's all I can say. She'll make you feel loved, and has a tendency to ignore most faults." "Most?" she said, raising an eyebrow. "Not all, like you?" "Uhhhh... heh-heh. I guess I do try a little too hard to look at the good, but really, it's my way of comforting her." "Just hold her and love her, that's all she needs. That's all I need." The girl stared off towards a window, hugging her knees close to her chest. Ethan stood, helped Vairocana up, took her hand and gently kissed it. "Somewhere out there, somebody needs your love. I will look for them, and Avelina will go over to where they are and bring them here. People should not live life alone and in pain." "Boy, ya got my number!" She gave a watery smile and awkwardly returned the hug Ethan gave her. Vai smiled to herself as she mentally invented a half-joke. Must not think naughty thoughts about best friend's boyfriend. Must not also think naughty thoughts about best friend. "Take care," he said. "You too. And give her a kiss for me when you see her." "Will do." Rohani residence Avelina opened the door, and in spite of her handicap, she recognized the man on the other side. "Hello, love." "Hi, dear." He kissed her cheek. Then, from out of nowhere, "I grew up an orphan in Moscow. I never knew my parents. I was adopted, and if there's anything else you need to know, I'll do my best to answer truthfully." Avelina looked up at him and grinned, and asked him to come inside. End Six: Yuki Tries Too Hard Enrolling in Stanton was Dickensian—the best of times, the worst of times. For a girl wanting to study in an environment where distractions were reduced due to the solidarity of gender, it was a haven. The teachers were skilled, wise, and kind, the Headmistress firm and strong, the criteria varied and thorough. For a girl seeking friendship, t'was also a haven, for though there were the cliques and queues of other familiar schools about, segregation based on gender itself was no issue, and without males to compete over, perhaps more peaceful relationships could be made. For the lesbian or bisexual, it was paradise; for the anti-homosexual, a personal hell, but for Yuki Kogure, it was unfortunately both at once. Her family was intolerant to such relationships and treated them like they were leprous--best to stay away from them as often as possible, and the further the better. She couldn't help it, though: women drew her interest and fancy. She admired them and loved their form, their style, their grace. This matter was not discussed so openly back in Japan, where her family came from, but in the United States, things were a little different, and it was this irregularity that caused Yuki such trouble. She wisely decided to settle in and see how things operated her first few weeks there. She had tried to make friends and get involved, but after the hijinks of the last transfer student, people kept their distance. Mihoshi found a new following in the anime club, which had opened thanks to Mira's continued "pestering" of her girlfriend. In the club, regardless of how well she knew or even liked Japanese animation, she was considered an immediate expert and nearly became vice-president just by attending. The club met once a day after school—it met for a longer period of time on Saturday and anyone was welcome—and Yuki came whenever she could, if only to make friends. One forgettable Tuesday, Mira was going over the fine points of Noir and Madlax, which several people were fans of (Miss Keeping, the only teacher who was a member, had dressed as Madlax for Halloween; her girlfriend Miss Madsen went as a character from Noir). Yuki was sitting next to Farrah, who she had managed to befriend primarily because young miss Kwan was also a little intolerant to Sapphism, and it appeared like the two would get along. Mira was just going over the similarities and differences between the two programs, and made several references to dot/hack, when a tittering giggle interrupted her. Everyone turned around and saw Ivory Tran blush. "Sorry, don't mind me. Go on." "Is something wrong?" Ivory grinned. "Um, no, please. I was just thinking of something funny, that's all." Blonde, blue eyes, pierced brow, and wearing a tight shirt even in the winter, Ivory had the phrase "kick-ass" written all over her and loved it. Yuki had admired Ivory during gym class and the subsequent kendo class ever since enrolling, and had to admit that she had a small crush on the flirty girl. Ivory herself had given several obvious winks in her direction, then went off to laugh or make rude jokes while Yuki was left to watch. She wanted to challenge Tran to a sporting match of strength, but it was too late that day and Wednesday afternoon, it seemed, would be delayed as much as possible. Yuki cleared her throat and started doodling. She wasn't particularly fond of anime unless it followed some sort of Bushido-style storyline (e.g., Kaze no Yojimbo, Ruroni Kenshin, etc.), but she could at least appreciate some marginal parts of the story. It gave her a chance to get to know some of the girls better, particularly Farrah and yes, Ivory, who stuck around, as she so impishly put it, "for all the hot anime babes". Being the new girl, Yuki had been asked by Miss Madsen to start researching her fellow classmates and to write reports on them. Her very first week, she had been given the difficult assignment of looking into Ivory Tran (difficult because most students couldn't handle her boisterous attitude and interminable flirting streak) and loved it. Ivory was a punk, granted, but she was a sweet kid, too, and took Mihoshi off to the side several times to talk about things "only us Asian women would understand" (Ivory was part Vietnamese, part Chinese). "So Yuki," she said later that same Tuesday, "you got like a girlfriend or something?" "N-no...should I?" "Oh, yeah, they're the best! Women are sexy-sweet, fucking fantastic and all-around kick-ass." "Well," she said shyly, "you know, I'm sure not every girl in the school feels the same. Maybe some of them like men." "Meh, it's a minority. Stanton's full of gay chicks, you just have to know where to look. Just yesterday I saw two kids taking a little privacy time in the bathroom, if ya know what I mean." Yuki blushed and stared hard at the sidewalk so she wouldn't be seen. Yes, she definitely knew all right. Ivory continued: "I didn't interrupt them or anything, I just took my piss and left. Scared the shit out of them when I flushed the toilet, though. I just said, ‘Hey, relax, ladies! It's not like nobody does it around here! Your secret's safe with me!', and left smiling." "...Who was it?" asked Yuki, trying to shield her face with curiosity. "Ah, those two, they remind me of Mihoshi—from Tenchi Muyo—and Kiyone. I forgot their names." Yuki took a deep breath and tried shaking herself back to reality. Ivory saw and laughed. "What, am I bothering you or something? You seriously straight, or just pullin' my chain?" "Ivory-chan, I don't wish to think of such a thing right now!" "Aww, you're so cute!" Tran smiled and gave Yuki a little poke, nearly pushing the poor girl off the edge. She blurted out something nonsensical before blurting out something that was merely lacking in sense. "Ivory-chan, I humbly request to challenge you to a duel tomorrow, your sword against mine! Until then, I must leave to study! Sayonara!" She bowed quickly and ran off, confusing Ivory a little. She grinned and shrugged as she wheeled around and started walking home. She then ran into her girlfriend and leaped into her arms, kissing frantically. Wednesday, the school gym Nobody noticed Leena taking Katt by the hand with her, probably because only two people were inside. Yuki and Ivory were dressed in their sports clothes, a T-shirt each with sweatpants (or in case of outdoor activity, heavier shirts or perhaps sweaters), and both had a bamboo practice sword, a shinai. Yuki stood with her back against Ivory's, holding the sword close to her hip, lowered at an angle, like any "true" samurai would; Ivory just wrapped her fingers around it casually. They took ten paces, turned, and fought, hacking at each other without the aid of an audience or referee. They would have to trust upon each other's honor for the duel, which meant that Yuki was on her own—Ivory didn't care twopence for honor, she just wanted to smash and have fun. She certainly accomplished her goal, even though in the end Yuki won by only a slim margin. They stood panting, both satisfied over their duel, and bowed. "You fight with great strength, but I think you should attend classes more religiously," advised Kogure. "What's that mean?" "Focus!" she hissed, "Training! Discipline! I have noticed that you allow yourself to be distracted sometimes! Even so, I admire your form." "Oh, uh, thanks. You're pretty good, too." Ivory grinned, winked, and stuck out her hand for a shake; Yuki preferred to bow. She then smiled and took Ivory's hand after all, though in a clasp of sisterhood. "May our next bout prove greater still!" She leaned down a little since Ivory was a bit shorter than her and gave her a tiny peck on the cheek—chu. Ivory's skin turned pink and her ears burned as she touched the moist spot on her face. "Hey, what's the big idea?" she said gently, smiling a little. Yuki looked away silently. Ivory understood at once. "Oh, that. Huh. Well, I hate to break it to you, but I'm spoken for. You're not the first girl to come onto me like this, but I wish it would stop. I'm trying real hard to be monotonous." Yuki could feel her heart sink, along with her stomach, but she just had to snicker at the other girl. "I think you mean ‘monogamous'." "...Oh yeah!" Thursday morning, Miss Raulson's class Yuki didn't feel too bad for "losing" Ivory. After all, she probably wouldn't have been a very good girlfriend, seeing as how she was just too wild and unruly for Yuki's tastes. She kept secret her desires: Mihoshi needed a smart girl, one who could articulate when needed and stay silent and observant when not. Ivory had a good heart but she was just...not...the quiet...type! Mihoshi's interests gravitated towards another the next day, during one particularly grueling test. Her eraser was nearly black and rubbed down to inexistence, and being a girl who didn't like to see low grades on her tests, Yuki had become a stickler and edited the very heart out of her test. She needed a new eraser. She muttered something foul in Japanese as the test paper got scratched by the pencil's steel cylinder. Rauson heard it and warned her, mentioning once again that a friendship with Miss Torvald enabled her to understand any language she wished. Yuki sighed and wished she could bury her head in the sand like an ostrich—or at the very least, do without an eraser. She heard a hiss to the left of her and looked over. "Use mine." It was the beautiful and humble Ancelin, generously donating a large rectangular white eraser. Yuki smiled warmly and thanked her; their fingers touched for a moment as the object transferred. She finished the test early and resigned herself to a book, but kept stealing glances over at the kind yet distant Ancelin. Reserved? Check. Articulate? Check. Smart? Check. Kindhearted? Check. Pretty? Oh yeah. Good at dueling? To be discovered... "Here, domo," said Kogure as she passed the eraser back. She deliberately brushed fingers with Ancelin, feeling giddy over the cool sensation, and slipped a small note along with the tool. Ancelin discreetly unfolded it and read: "Please meet me after kendo, I would like to challenge you to a duel. Sincerely, Kogure-san." Ancelin put the note away and resumed her test; Raulson never noticed it. Yuki wished that she knew Ancelin better, but perhaps they would get better acquainted once they started dating. For the moment, they were both dressed in a gi and hakama, colored skirt-trousers and white uniforms most duelers used. Yuki knew how familiar Ancelin was with the equipment, and looked forward to battling the club co-founder herself. She couldn't help smiling as Ancelin came out, her luxurious oakwood hair in a ponytail for once, dressed to kill (or fight as it were) and looking great. The kind-hearted "ice queen" returned the smile faintly and bowed as she picked up her shinai. "This is an honor," said Mihoshi as she stood back to back with Ancelin. "Thank you, but why did you ask me to do this?" "I want to see how strong you are. I admire people who are very strong. I hope we both put up a good fight!" "I'm sure we will." They took ten paces and gave no quarter. Ancelin's style was different than Ivory's, much more focused and detailed—in a sense, it too was reserved and articulate, and even kind at times. There was no ferocity or glee, no silly tricks or fancy moves, just clean fighting at its basic. Yuki already admired it and began to feel as if this was the way her path would lead her. Perhaps she would finally fall in love, even if it was with another girl. They came to a tie. They agreed to stop. "Wonderful!" exclaimed Yuki happily. "You're really fantastic!" "I had to fight pretty hard to keep up with you," said Ancelin graciously. "I might just have to let you lead the class from now on." "No, the right person is in charge. Neither of us won, but I am happier because of it! I would love, though, to settle this score another time!" As before, they bowed and shook hands, and Mihoshi laid a kiss on Ancelin's cheek. Ancelin shied away and hid her face. Yuki found this odd—it had been her who was shy last time! "I...have a girlfriend, Mihoshi," said Ancelin thickly. "You're very kind, but..." "Oh, gomen. It seems I have no luck... Oh, forgive me!" She bowed and excused herself, even though Ancelin called for her to stay and talk. Mihoshi arrived home and ignored her parents, choosing to bury herself in her bed and let her mind wander. Ivory, then Ancelin. They were both already with somebody. It was just one blow after another. Later, Yuki would learn the truth about them, but for the moment, she was left with the task of mentally beating herself up. Baka, baka, baka! Why did you do that, baka? You are no better than a foolish fly who gets stuck in the honey! Oh, maybe father and mother are right. Perhaps I should give up trying to find a girlfriend and concentrate on my studies. Perhaps I should submit to their wishes and marry a nice American gentleman. After all, I can surely find many suitors, for I know American men like Japanese girls. It could not be hard. Perhaps, perhaps... But Mihoshi knew, her thoughts were more foolish than before. The next week... Mihoshi got a good score on her report, and was later given a few words of encouragement from Ivory herself. She was asked to research Olivia Johnson next, so with Miss Madsen's permission, her seat was relocated so they could be closer. Yuki gave Olivia a friendly smile and formally introduced myself. "Word a warnin' there," whispered Gabrielle to Yuki: "Liver's a bit of a downer at times. She can be awful when it comes to makin' a mood feel worse, but just keep goin' at her. Eventually she'll get clingy and will ne'er leave ya!" "Miss O'Shannon!" The entire class cringed as Madsen called her out. Gabrielle sighed, stood up, walked in front of the class, and smiled sadly. Madsen gave her no pity when she assigned her punishment: "You know the drill, Miss O'Shannon. I want your report nice and neat this time." "Yessum. Okay, I'm real sorry for interruptin' everybody's valuable time, and Miss Madsen's. Can ya please forgive me?" "Yes," came a chorus of voices. Gabrielle sighed and found her seat again, blushing with embarrassment. Yuki smiled and looked over at Olivia, who was rolling her eyes. She chose to say nothing, at least until the girls were back in the hallway. "So what's your next class?" "Science, you?" "Psychology. We do not share any classes, do we?" "No, except Miss Madsen's. I guess we'll just have to do our report after school." "Indeed." Mihoshi and Olivia were silent as they walked down the hall and came to the area where their destinies would split. Olivia tried her very best to give a goodbye smile, but as she had explained several times before, she was not in a good mood. Mihoshi's heart went out to her, and as the week went on, she began to feel once again the unusual urges of love and battle. By Saturday, she wanted nothing more than to take Olivia in her arms and stroke her worries away—but first things first. Always a thinker and never a fighter, Johnson declined the offer to duel. That made things...difficult. End Seven: Red, White, and You Morning, beautiful. Gosh, you look so pretty in the sunlight. And your smile's so breathtaking... I love touching you. Simple pleasures like touch, smell, taste... Oh, should I not lick you? But you taste so good! Heehee. Good morning, good morning, guten morgen to you. I'm happy. I'm so happy that a wonderful woman like you is in my life. All your life, you tell yourself that you'll have to adjust for your lover, that you'll have to give them room, you'll have to accept their quirks and faults. But I don't see why that has to be a chore. You're exactly the type of woman I've always wanted to be with, faults and all, and now here we are, two little angels, having woken up after sharing their first night together. God, you're so beautiful. Sweet Gabrielle. How can you make me cry with just two words? I can talk like a poet and yak my mouth off, but two words from you and I'm speechless. That takes a lot, honey, but somehow you do it. I guess it's because you're so special to me. The way you smile so shyly, or when we're together, that big happy grin you get on your face when we're playing... You entrance me with everything you do, my sweet, and I love everything and every moment. How could this be any better... I love you. Oh, I see what you mean. You like kissing me there, don't you? ...Oh. Oh, Lilian... You... oh... why do I get so weak? Beautiful... tender sweet... ah! Oh... pheh. Your hair gets caught in my mouth. Mmm... tickles my neck. What? Oh, that. Yeah, with some effort I don't have to talk like an Irish girl, but it's only around you. My friends... to them I'm a silly talkative flirty punk, a mischievous little pixie, always so bright and chipper. But with you, I can be... real. You smell nice. Lilian... Red and white, Lily sweet. I could stare into those soft tender vulnerable innocent eyes all my life and say it was not a waste. They're so beautiful that sometimes it hurts. I want to kiss them... touch your hand... feel that magnificent hair in my fingers... hold you close and hear your pulse in your neck... kiss you... squeeze you... I want to keep you safe and happy. Lilian, you deserve it, and if you say you love me, I'll give it to you. I think we're going a bit too fast, schatz. Heheh, yeah. All this silly romantic nonsense can't be good for us at this early stage. Pillow talk and all. Hey, don't get up, we've still got a whole Sunday full of snuggling left! Mm-mmn! I need you to squeeze me extra hard so I know how much you love me! Ah... but you're so gentle. So gentle, so beautiful and frail... Lily, how much I love you. Too fast, silly Irish punk. I'll bite your nose, you crazy Kraut! ...Ow! Don't spank me! ...Ouch! You did that on purpose! You like it! See, you're blushing! You're so cute... Lilian... My Gabrielle... beautiful red hair, soft smile... Red eyes, make me weak. White skin, soft to the touch and heartbreakingly beautiful. This is you, lovely Lil. Red, white, and you, my pretty sweet. ...It is Sunday, right? End Eight: The Scarlet L Amina was an artist, but it seemed like the only person who gave her a genuine critique of her work was Nomi, a girl she considered her best friend. Nomi was honest and sincere, and knew when to gently say to her friend that her work could be better in certain ways, or that it was perfect in others, or how something may be improved though it wasn't necessary. Nakatori was an artist as well, but at first, Amina just said how great she was, and how she could never compete. "That's not true, Washm," said the young lady. "You might not play an instrument like me, but you can draw better. It's the same for me, I suck at drawing but seem musically inclined." Amina smiled and resumed her sketches. Normally she didn't do people, usually because they squirmed or they were too demanding, but Nomi was easy to draw. Whenever Amina felt in the mood, the other girl would start stringing her guitar, and would play notes in a nonlinear fashion as her friend sketched. Nomi was used to being stationary during practice, so it was a help to Amina as she drew. Nomi liked the drawings, but she had corrections when it came to her fingers. Amina politely and wisely replied that it was difficult drawing fingers when they moved so much. The point taken, Nomi allowed her friend to photograph her hands and use them as reference. Being so close to Amina made her smile. She wanted to kiss the girl, but... there were complications. "I still think it's funny we met thanks to the Fox sisters both liking us," Nomi said during a bout of silence. "Erica had a thing for you, you know." "Yes, I know. She's with somebody else now, someone who could be better for her. I could never..." "Because you're not gay, right?" Amina really had to wonder about that. Did she have a little crush on Erica after all? Or did she like Nomi now? She blushed and noticed her hand slipping, creating a small black mark on the picture of Nomi, right on the forehead. She erased it off with gentle care, but the ghostly impression remained. She concentrated on the girl's hair. "What about you?" "Mm, indecisive. Fox was fun but she wanted to go too fast. If I were to take a girlfriend, I'd want to go... real slow with her. Maybe somebody my age, or younger. Fox was way too old anyway." She chuckled and strung her instrument fiercely. "Can you see, can you see, eyes on you, hands on me!" Twang! "Howling you, moon's out to prowl, gotta see, gotta... howl!" She yelped and recited more nonsense. Amina laughed and managed to capture the art-within-the-art. The mark stayed on Nomi's picture but she thought it distinguished her. They shared a bed that evening, the second time they had done so. Amina let Nomi snuggle next to her. "Tell me about yourself." "Dad left and mom's getting gray. Music is my way of saying there's another world, that I can go to it, and I take that chance as much as possible. You?" "I'm just fat." "No, come on. There's more." "There's not." "Yes there is." Nomi tickled her until she gave up. "I'm too harsh on myself. You're a saint next to me when it comes to reviewing my work. Did I tell you I was Catholic?" "Oh, so I can finally tell my grandchildren I was friends with a Catholic schoolgirl." "Stop it," she giggled. She smiled. Nomi was a good friend. "Catholic," she said after a lengthy silence, "but I hide the Crucifix. Do you think I'll be punished for that?" "I wouldn't know the first thing." "I bite my nails too, and people don't... approach me. I don't like sports." "You need your exercise." "I am fat." "No you're not, you've just got a figure. It's from all that drawing, Washim." "Why do you call people by their last name?" "I dunno, it gives me personality. It separates me from the crowd, makes me feel more grown-up. Why, do you prefer me calling you Amina, Amina?" She smiled sweetly. "Yes." "All right. It is a pretty name." "Thank you." She yawned and covered her mouth. "It's time for bed." "Yeah, I figured. G'night." Nomi rolled over and kissed Amina on her nose. Her lips lingered a fraction longer than they had before, and Amina found herself wishing they had stayed—or moved lower. Nomi held onto her but drifted away during the night; Amina's heart skipped bump-bump-bump in the lonely cold darkness. I'm not gay, am I? When she went to check on herself in the morning, the Scarlet "L" was still nowhere to be found. She sighed. That mark on the picture... Did Nomi have feelings for her? Had those feelings manifested once Amina drew that accidental mark? Was such a thing possible? "Magic?" she wondered, holding up the pencil. She decided to sketch herself and out of nervousness and curiosity, deliberately drew a mark on her own forehead. Maybe one day I'll draw us both together. Or is that thought proof that the magic's started to work? School offered no solutions. She saw Jocelyn kiss Erica and felt genuinely happy for them. She came over to Nomi's house for homework and dinner, and was invited to the girl's room to chat once formalities had concluded. Nomi's house was simple but pretty, much like Nomi herself and her mother, although the woman was indeed looking gray in the temples. Her father was a presence now but Nomi didn't trust him; she kept to herself and locked her door. She grinned at Amina and produced a sheet of music. "Taa-daa! It's finally done!" Amina beamed and took the sheet to examine it. Nomi had wanted to move into composing, and had started simply. This sheet was her very first, easily played even for a beginner but beautiful because of its naïve originality. Amina loved it, and said that she had something as well. She presented the sketch of Nomi practicing, and although she claimed it was only 97 complete, the other girl thought it was fantastic. "You've really improved. It's hard believing this is even me." "It's only how I see you," admitted Washim. She blushed, unaware that it had sounded awful like a flirt. In other words, Nomi, I see you as being more beautiful than you really are. She smiled and gave Amina a hug. She didn't mention the mark. They later shared the same bed, Amina feeling nervous, Nomi just exhausted. Homework really took its toll on the girl, and she felt like she could've slept until noon. Amina didn't know this and kept her up with some thoughts. "Do you not like men?" "No. Do you think that might be why I didn't mind calling Alisha my girlfriend? My dad left us, Wash—Amina, he left mom and I all by ourselves. Now he came back, you saw that, but I don't trust him. Mom wants to give him another chance, but I think she's just wasting her time." "You don't have to be so... Um, sorry." "Critical? Or cruel? I don't have much self-control, Amina, and I can't trust people who've hurt me just like that." "I'm sorry." "Nothing to be sorry about, just go to bed." Amina did, but not before cuddling a little closer and giving Nomi her very first kiss. It was meekly placed on the cheek, which hardly counted for anything, but to Amina, the act was incredibly daring. She took Nomi's stretched-out hand and held it in hers, and kept it there until deep sleep forced them apart. When they woke up, Amina looked at Nomi, kissed her once right on the lips, and left for the bathroom. She checked her forehead—nope, no mark. She chuckled and wished she had brought her pencil so she could break it. "So much for magic," she mused to herself. End Nine: Cooking Up a Lonely Dish Sonia Elizabeth Verela smiled as she saw Gabrielle O'Shannon shuffle down the cafeteria line. Being the head chef as well as the culinary arts instructor enabled her to see every girl in the school, which was something few other teachers could boast. Being an unwomanly six feet in height enabled her to definitely see, all right: only Dr. Andrews was as tall as she was, so it was no comfort standing out from the crowd. Her meals and her skills seemed almost secondary to her height; thus, her "advantage" only served to make her more uncomfortable. "I made it just for you," she said as she handed the food to Gabrielle. The smallish, cute redhead smiled that same dreamy Irish smile, her dimples curving just so to further accentuate the freckles on her face and the emerald glow of her eyes. Sonia felt a little weak in the knees on the spot, but sighed as the next student came along and brought her to reality. "Guten tag, frau Verela!" "Hello, Lilian. You're looking lovely." Lilian Nachtheim smiled, brushed her long silvery hair from her face, and picked out several items of choice for her lunch. Sonia watched her go wistfully: it was no secret that she and Gabrielle were in love. She took another breath and welcomed the next student to come through her line, Rai Zanders. The masculine woman, someone whom Sonia could relate to in a sense, was giggling unnaturally and swatting at her girlfriend Ana, who herself was extra happy and clingy. "We'll take a pizza each!" said Rai gaily. "Yeah, and extra meat on Rai's!" "Ana!" Poor Ana Lu squeaked as Rai grabbed her and wrestled her a little; Sonia laughed quietly and cut them both a slice fresh from the oven, giving Rai the garden special and Ana, as always, pepperoni. The girls thanked her and left: emotions and feelings swirled around in Sonia's heart. Unrequited love. Regret. Joy. Confusion. The sensation of being lost. She scratched her arm with her knuckles and greeted the next girl. "Alisha, what'll it be?" "I've got a bad macaroni jones." "One steaming plate, coming up." Verela had no lover. She never had, and she feared she never would. Oh, she had friends all right, but she didn't consider herself lovely. Being the owner (in name only) of two restaurants enabled her to be skilled and wise in the ways of many things, and every time something came up she always volunteered to provide the food, simply because she loved it. The attention was nice and the friendly way people her own age acted towards her was encouraging, but smiles and nice words seemed distant during long lonely nights, or walks through public areas (as she saw so many couples together), or when she saw an old friend pregnant or else wheeling around a baby. Love, lack of love, have, have not. So what if she owned establishments? She would give them both up to know somebody cared. Wednesday came around, as it always did, dressed in the filthy rags of Tuesday. It gave that "I'm the day that's in the very middle" grin, and taunted Sonia with its possibilities: I'm half over my dear, but I've halfway begun. Wednesday laughed as she hopped out of bed, fully dressed, and it tied itself to her car as she drove to the school. It said: "Maybe I ought to turn into somebody you like today, but of course she'll have somebody hooked to her arm." Wednesday didn't care, and it portended Thursday with its cruel hopes, and Friday with its emptiness. Monday and Tuesday waited with patience, knowing their time would come. "Have a great day!" she sang, giving Vai Knox a beautiful smile. If she could melt just one heart a day, maybe... She watched Vai sit by herself. Oh, how often she had yearned to sit next to the girl, to touch her hand, to break the bitterness she knew the poor creature had. Hang the age difference and the whole forbidden teacher-student relationship thing, Sonia didn't have the power to direct her heart. She was hopelessly in love with Gabrielle's cheerfulness and wore a special apron every day in the dim hope of finally attracting those emerald eyes; she yearned for Vai, knowing that people desperate for love oftentimes give love desperately. She wanted to kiss Elspeth Post everywhere; she wanted to feel Janna Raulson; she ached for Abby Keeping; she always went home lonely because Miss Marbel was not there to embrace her. She masturbated to thoughts of them loving her, cleaned up, got dressed, and fell asleep after reading. "Thanks." Samantha O'Brien smiled as she opened the door for "Chef Vee". "No problem." "Soup's on!" she called, bearing a tray full of steaming hot meals. The teachers in the lounge gasped in awe at her work, and each took one. "Marvelous!" "This is the nicest thing anybody's done for us!" "Always a pleasure eating her food." "Thank you, Sonia." Sonia smiled, her face somewhat red, as the other teachers took their meals. She served both lunch hours, students and teachers, but rarely made trips to the lounge itself, unless she wanted to make a special delivery or interact. Poor Sonia had a crush on nearly every woman in the teacher's lounge, regardless of age or who they were seeing at the time. Out of everyone, though, she knew that only Abi Cerio would return such love, but it would be brief and meaningless in the end. "I don't suppose you brought bread to go with this?" said Marbel. Oh, Sonia could lose herself in those aged, endless eyes. Forget the 23-year difference, Marbel was graceful and strong, and intimidating even to a six-foot chef like her. Sonia gave the Headmistress a sorry smile. "No, I don't. You'll have to eat it raw." "No crackers?" said Keeping. Sonia's heart fluttered. She knew Abby and Hitomi Madsen were an item, but still... "There's always some around here somewhere," said Janet Keys, shuffling around everywhere to look. Ah, Janet Keys, a free spirit with a big heart. Sonia had dreamed many times of being lost in her wonderful smile... "Found it!" called Sarah Johansson. Dr. Andrews was currently seeing her. Chef Verala wondered if there was a possibility of a threesome. The women sat together, crackers and soup in hand, and smiled at the tallest in the room. "So tell us, honey," said Abi Cerio, "what sort of romantic escapades have you been getting yourself into lately?" Thursday Elspeth Post needed a massage, and she came to Sonia for help. Chef Verala didn't know the first thing about them, but she rubbed anyway, treating the drama teacher's shoulders and neck like dough. Elspeth groaned in pleasure and couldn't stop complementing the taller woman. "You should... think about... opening a parlor." "I have restaurants, El." "But you would... be wonderful... as a masseuse." "I don't know. I think I'll stay with what I know." "Mmmmm... the world's loss. Ah!" "Oh, sorry, I didn't mean—" "Nonsense, dear, that felt good. Ah." Elspeth hissed and groaned again. Sonia blushed. If only Miss Post had her shirt off... She could imagine giving the younger woman an oil rub on the beach, relaxing just so and letting the strap of her bikini flip open so she could have full access to that strong, sensual back of hers. But cruelty played a joke on her: Post was secretly in love with Mrs. Keys, and Janet was a professed heterosexual. "El," said Sonia in mid-rub. Post hummed. "Why do you... I mean, it's not my business, but you still pine over Mrs. Keys, don't you?" "Mm-hmm." "I hear she's dating a very nice man, a little younger than her. Middle-aged women should be free to date whomever they want, I think." "Nnh." "If you had the chance... I mean, if she knew how you really felt..." "She does, I told her." "Oh really?" "Mm-hmm. We dated twice and that was it. I suppose I should be thankful she was so generous." "Oh. So... is that really it?" Elspeth seemed to sag in Sonia's hands. "She was my teacher when I attended this school. It was... ten years ago. I was fourteen, she was thirty. I fell in love with her at once. She was happily married. Funny, though... the student becoming a teacher, still harboring those silly childhood crushes." "Do you think it's really silly?" Elspeth grunted. "Rationally, I should say that it's a waste of my time, but when was the last time rationale caused anyone to reconsider their love life?" Post's remark struck deep in Sonia's heart, and the tall woman laughed. She of all people knew the answer to that. Elspeth paid her back with a friendly smile. Sonia wished to God that she had the guts to ask her out on a date. Once she got home, she resigned herself to a romantic movie and the usual dinner-shower combination, followed by another round of self-love in bed. She dreamed of what it would feel like to have Elspeth and her naked together, sleeping soundly, and drifted off alone. She woke up, dressed, and did everything all over again. End Ten: I Swear This is the Last One So my penance is paid, my sins abolished, Yet still you stay away from my path. I've gone and done time, I've suffered in regret, But still you cannot forgive me. I want to be right again in this world that hates me, I still want to be loved, you see. But I'll never know what it means to be held so, I've ruined myself eternally. Look away, if you must; you won't see my shame. I'll walk on alone and go home by myself. Surely there's one soul out there who forgives my rash action, But till' I find it, I shall wander alone. "Regret" Avelina rubbed her mouth and tilted her head. "It's beautiful. A little scary, but beautiful." "Meh. I wasn't myself when I wrote it." Kula folded it up and threw it in a pile of folded-up letters. Avelina scratched her arm. "Who was this dedicated to? It can't be Usha, can it?" "Why not?" "Don't you hate her?" Kula frowned and looked away. "...I hate how she used to go on. She's improved, I can tell ya that." "You know, word has it that your actions at the Homecoming nearly cost Miss Marbel her job." "Oh?" "And the protest did too. I saw you there; how many days did you attend?" "Most. This country sucks." Avelina frowned. She was technically still a foreigner, having been shipped everywhere since the day she was born, so having a country to scold seemed like a luxury. "Maybe because you're lonely." "Maybe because everyone here is a moron. Except you, I mean." Avelina chuckled. "You know, I'm sure if you were less... sour and more polite, you'd have more friends." "Bah." Kula sneered and started writing nonsense on paper. She didn't know why; maybe she could purge a demon if she wrote enough. I'm kissing up to the blackness I'm hugging close to the seas I search for you Get on my knees Beg for your touch; release me! Release me! I hate it here, don't know where to go, I wanna die, don't wanna know So release me! Fill me up with your fear! Release me! Hold me close O my dear! Cuz' I wanna, yes I wanna, feel the darkness, Feel the darkness, And I wanna, yes I wanna, know the pain, The pain of the night! So release me! Whether on devil's or angel's wings! Release me! Make me die I'm gonna sing Release me! Touch me hold me til' I fall Release me! Then ask if I wanna give My All! I'll concede, I'll let you Have That One Possession, Just take and grab! I want the night, bring on the grave, I'm not a schoolgirl that you can save! So release me! And let me fall where I may! Release me! In a puddle I'll stay And if you wanna, yeah if you wanna, Have Me again, All you got to do is... is... is............ Avelina blanched as she read it. "You've got a dark side going on there." "It's just some nonsense stuck up in my head." She snorted, folded the paper, and threw it away. Poor Avelina, whom Kula barely considered a friend, had no idea how to go about things like this. She wanted to help, but how? Kula had brushed her off and looked ready to literally kick the poor girl out. She drummed her fingers on the desk. "Do you like somebody?" "What a stupid question. Who could ever like me?" "I asked if you like somebody." Kula's face turned dark as she looked away. "What if I do?" "Then you should tell them." "They'd never believe me," she snorted. "Who would? The cute little Hawaiian girl who caused a riot on their big day could never be the kind to love anybody. She's just some ignorant bully who'll beat you up. Is that the way they feel? Then fine, let them feel that way. Bunch of morons..." "But I know you're different," attempted Rohani, taking her hand. Kula jerked away stoically. "How?" "I know you're really nice on the inside." "Pssht! That's a lie." "It's not." Kula frowned. She started writing again. The kiss deepens, the fires glow bright, There is a look on your face that I like, I touch your cheeks, my heart growing lighter, The pain of a hundred decades lifting off of it. I press my face to yours, Finally, I can Have you. Your arms of satin hold me close, my precious, And I draw you in to quench this thirst I have, Draw you like water. A graceful neck, soft and tender, awaits my lips, I kiss down the throat, hearing a hiss of pleasure, And remove the outer shell that you have kept up. I see you naked, free of covering, You bared your soul for me to see, eyes sparkling brown. I take you in my arms, and sigh out your beautiful name, Every syllable precious, every letter a jewel, every breath a treasure. You are now with me, beautiful and precious; I sigh, I am Yours. I now expose myself, you see the truth, and note on its beauty. Truth can be so beautiful. You are mine, clear like a crystal, soft as down, pure as diamonds, Your hair, dark and thick, runs down like wild horses, The perfume on your body radiates outward, filling the air with sweetness. You are a censer, intoxicating my love further; I release myself, And allow myself to know true love at last. I am now with you, my hands falling down your skin, Taking you inside of me, knowing your spirit and your soul. I kiss your divine neck, and hear you whimper out slowly, There is a feeling of astonishment as you are loved. Have you never known the embrace of another? Was it so because you pursued me? Yet, I now welcome it, And yearn to be with you, for you, alongside you, near you; I yearn for your touch, delicate dove's wings, sliding down my body, You gasp. Your teary eyes say it all, you have now known love, And I, who was once so clouded by the darkness, Now I too thirst for you; I cannot live without this love, And thus, knowing love, my precious diamond, I sink further in, refusing to look back, drinking your body with thirsty eyes. There is a power greater than lust in both our eyes; This has been ordained, methinks; you feel it too. That is why you told me what you feel, my always-love. I am now yours, you are now mine, Perhaps, through this love, we may suffer through life together, You now in my arms, perspiring from exhaustion, And my face buried in your beautiful hair, smelling the fragrance. Oh, I am dizzy, from you; and I have intoxicated you, We have drank from each other, like bottles of wine, And are drunk with the enjoyment of each other. This is so pure, so passionate, this beautiful love, Neither nasty or obscene, nor offending to any eye, but pure! Do I wish to keep holding you forever, Soul bared and all? If I did not, I would thus die. I must have you in my life, now and forever, and then I may smile. "Oh my god," Avelina gasped as she clutched her gaping mouth. Tears ran down her eyes, and she felt her heart break because of such unexpected, exquisite prose. Kula gave a foxy smile. "You like that?" "It's... indescribable. Heh! I'll have to memorize it so I can recite it to Ethan." "Yeah, yeah." Kula folded it and tossed it with the others. A pile the size of a computer was beginning to form from the mess. "What do you do with them all?" asked Avelina. "I pluck one out at random and read it if I'm in the mood. Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I get mad, other times... meh." "That sounds interesting. Do you think I could adapt that?" Kula gave an I-don't-care gesture. "Go ahead." And then she doodled circles, lines, and meaningless triangles, until it formed a shapeless mass on the paper. "Emotion", she wrote, it is confusing and cannot be defined. Loss. Hate. Inner mourning. The need to at last feel you are forgiven. The five senses looked at through logic. The her, the him, the it and I want, the wish and envy, and oh yes, the greed. It was all jumbled. "I can't draw worth crap," she spat as she tore the paper up. She flung the pieces in the garbage, then turned to meet Avelina's puzzled gaze. Speaking only one word didn't help at all: "Usha." "Huh? Oh, um, what about her?" "...I have a crush on her." Avelina's eyes widened. "Oh, dear." End
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