Nobody knows Just why we're here Could it be fate Or random circumstance At the right place At the right time Two roads intertwine And if the universe conspired To meld our lives To make us Fuel and fire Then know Where ever you will be So too shall I be Close your eyes Dry your tears 'Coz when nothing seems clear You'll be safe here From the sheer weight Of your doubts and fears Weary heart You'll be safe here Remember how we laughed Until we cried At the most stupid things Like we were so high But love was all that we were on We belong And though the world would Never understand This unlikely union And why it still stands Someday we will be set free. Pray and believe When the light disappears And when this world's insincere You'll be safe here When nobody hears you scream I'll scream with you You'll be safe here Save your eyes From your tears When everything's unclear You'll be safe here From the sheer weight Of your doubts and fears Wounded heart When the light disappears And when this world's insincere You'll be safe here When nobody hears you scream I'll scream with you You'll be safe here In my arms Through the long cold night Sleep tight You'll be safe here When no one understands I'll believe You'll be safe, You'll be safe You'll be safe here Put your heart in my hands You'll be safe here "Resolutions, Part Three" Alexandra Blair stumbled into Miss Madsen's class for Literature and Writing well past the tardy bell, making her the latest in the entire group. She shuffled through the door, drawing obvious stares and a few bulging eyes, and tried shying away as she crept to her desk. "Welcome back, Miss Blair," greeted Madsen cordially. She smiled and nodded at the disheveled woman, adding, "Your absence was greatly missed. I trust Miss Grissom gave you the homework assignment?" "Yeah, I got it done," she murmured. "Good. Are you all right?" "I'm not gonna die," she grumbled, shrinking into the back of the class. She avoided Ivory like a disease and crossed her arms defensively as she slumped in her chair. Nobody dared ask Madsen to do anything about Hail's tardiness; she was more unpredictable than a fish on a hook. "I'm glad you think that way," said Madsen warmly. "Well, with you here, class can now officially begin. Who would like to come up first?" Olivia Johnson raised her hand and limped to the front of the class, and began her poem. Victoria subtly handed a small note to Alexandra while keeping her focus on her friend. The note read, "We really did miss you. Glad you're safe. Hope you wrote a good poem. Your friend and subject, VFG" And Olivia's poem read, "Ode to Trouble: Because there is trouble in the world, we can know peace Because people suffer, we can see joy Because there is hatred, we know what love can look like I limp, and I perceive running far greater I wander lost, and light becomes precious Where is the boundary, the line? Where does trouble lead into solution? Where does peace fail and come back again? Circle of life? I await an end." Applause scattered, and Madsen gave her a good grade. Victoria went up next, and since her study subject for that week had been Furious Hail, she devoted her whole poem to the scarred woman. Alexandra covered her face in humiliation, wishing she had stayed home and emaciated. "Furious Hail: In Miss Madsen's class I Assigned to her was, and Trouble I did hear, for Her name was a bane. And at first, hostility. But, Patience had I, and made many attempts Like a spider recreating a web destroyed, Robert the Bruce. Alexandra Blair, Gold disguised as iron pyrite Penicillin in the shape of a mold Music beneath the noise Soul underneath frail skin. My friend Blair, She chewed me out, and I joined her at lunch because she Needs a friend. Love sky." Her reception was a little different than Olivia's, needless to say, but Madsen still approved and so did many others (not Hail). Lilian surprised many people by actually volunteering next, and cleared her throat as she read, of all things, a limerick. "Today there is sun and the moon And darkness will come very soon But prouder I am, with my helping hand I can endure everything till' June." "That's all I could come up with," she said sheepishly. Madsen gave her a cool look, not showing any disappointment. "Well, some of the most beautiful poetry has been brief—Dickinson comes to mind—but just don't make it ordinary. May I ask what you meant by a 'helping hand'?" Lilian smiled shyly and nodded. "Gabrielle," she said. A few girls whistled, or wiggled eyebrows, or made various suggestive sounds. Madsen silenced them, and since Blake had been one of the girls whistling, she called her up. Baum strutted and whipped out her prose. "To my darling Usha and Mira: Whether in grass or in heavenly skies, Lost in the mountains of you, I would sink into lowest pits for love Risk dangers untold, slay dragons, Conquer kings, for you my girls. O Usha, skin of fairest copper, beaten and brilliant, Hair as silky jet wings, eyes of warmth, lips rich and moist And Mira, beloved dike, your smile Is a hundred sunrises. Becoming lost in your glee is great pleasure and No luckier or happier woman may be found than I, Blake Baum, the one who shares your love." She bowed despite the few additional calls and whistles, and got a reasonable grade from Madsen. Ivory came up next and, no surprise, read a love poem she had recently written about everyone-knew-who. "Ancelin: To know that she is happy, to know that she is warm To know I am beloved, and she is kept from harm I make my way through life, step by step each day I love her deeply truly, in ev'ry possible way Annie dear, have nothing to fear, for... You are always in my heart." "Sorry it's no good, Miss M.," she sighed in defeat, folding it up again. A few of the girls had laughed, but Madsen stood up and supported the poor lovesick girl. "No, it's perfect. Love is one of the key themes of poetry, and you expressed it well. Miss Walker, you were one of the ones I saw laughing. You're up next." X Walker smiled crookedly, rose, and swaggered to the front. She winked at Janine, who she had as assignment that week. Miss Bautista hid her face. "O Chewbacca, You came and you were tall and hairy, And your name wasn't Larry! Chewbacca, a Wookiee guy who was furry Well there's nothing to worry! Chewbacca, so tall and so strong and so handsome, I can't rhyme the word ‘\'handsome', Chewbacca!" The class laughed, but it wasn't inconsiderately. Madsen's lips smirked invisibly, but she gave Walker a grade that was not too impressive. She then focused on poor Miss Blair, who had stayed hidden and bleak throughout the whole session. "Miss Blair, I'm personally dying to know what sort of poem you made." Alexandra sighed and shuffled out of her seat. She pulled a crumpled, torn, badly-folded sheet of old paper from her pocket and stood in front of the class, hanging her head. She cleared her throat and began. "The world's skin covered with nails poking out like acne Every step is a curse, my soul impaled. I feel crucified upon the feats of madness, bleeding with thorny crown. Slip a knife into my chest while I wander through the swamp, You cut and hack like a butcher, sawing my bone and keeping me alive. Prometheus—god of Man, every day in agony, no savior in sight. How could you do this? How could you throw me away?! You took me and you tore me like paper, and threw me into Hell! I wail each day from your scorn, my loss, and you sing and laugh, Devoting your attentions away! I hate you! I wish I had never been born! The whole world, rot in Hell, Sadness and grief beyond the comprehension of mortals, All the world's pain upon my shoulders, I struggle to breathe. Jesus Christ is invisible; Hell is here; I lay naked on hot rocks. Because of you, I am alone, the knife of hope in my heart..." "I'm sorry, Miss Madsen, I can't go on." Hail wept bitterly, crumpled the paper into a ball, threw it away, and walked out of the room, sniffling. Madsen rose and chased after her, excusing herself from the room. She spotted her tortured student entering the nearest bathroom, and with a slight feeling of déjà vu, she walked in and found Alex Blair moaning and weeping uncontrollably, her voice weak and howling. She cursed at her teacher and demanded to be left alone, but Madsen was adamant. She came closer and put her arms around the young woman, embracing her as she had done the first day, only with love and not ferocity. Hail poured tears onto her shoulder. She stroked the young woman's ratty purple hair quietly, knowing to keep quiet than to say words that would hurt her more. Her class could wait on them; this was far more important, more personal and immediate than beautiful poems or even an education. Blair was crushed and despondent; she needed to feel love, even if it came from an unlikely source. At last, she seemed to calm down, and Miss Madsen released her loving grip a fraction as she looked at the wretched face of her student. It was locked in a grimace. "That poem was for a person in class, wasn't it?" Blair nodded and sniffled. "I thought so. You don't have to tell me who. It's okay. You did fine. I thought it was very beautiful, in a provoking sense. You did well. Ssh." She hugged her, then released her completely, though her hand was still in her hair. "Do you need to talk about it?" Blair sighed. "My story would bore Tolstoy himself to tears," she grunted. Madsen smiled. "Long and dramatic, eh? I've heard many like it, but I can guess yours will be worse, right? Let me tell you a story; maybe it'll help you." "I don't see how," sniffled Blair, reaching for toilet paper to dry her eyes. "Miss Madsen, you're a tough girl. You don't look like the kind to take shit from anyone—sorry, it slipped." "It's all right." "Anyway, you don't strike me as the kind that's ever seen a bad day, while my life's been a fucking Hell—sorry—ever since I was like ten or eleven. My parents got divorced then, and it's been downhill since." Madsen smiled sadly at Blair, and used both hands to caress her hair and face. "You'd be surprised at how awful my life has been," she said. "I can understand your pain. When I was a little older than you, my parents disowned me and forced me out of the house." Alex sniffled and nearly chuckled. "Oh. Really?" "Yes. ...They caught me in bed with another woman." Now Alex did laugh, covering her mouth with her hand even as she cried. "Whoa, no fucking way! Madsen's a lesbian after all." "I'm bisexual," she corrected. "But my parents thought otherwise. Long story short, I got kicked out of the house, cut off from my parents, I never saw the girl again after a few years in college, then I got screwed over by this man I was in love with. I nearly ruined my whole career with a recent relationship, and I had a nervous breakdown on my first day as a teacher." "No shit." Blair laughed, not impolitely, and finally managed to stop crying. She wiped her face again, looking at her tough, pretty teacher in a new light. "So the great Miss Madsen had her bad days too, huh? And you broke down? You don't strike me as the type. You musta seen some bad shit to freak out like that." "Yes," admitted her teacher hauntingly, "the shit was indeed bad." Alex shrieked with laughter, nearly bowling over as she was treated to a rare instance of her teacher breaking one of her own rules. Madsen laughed too, having to shout to be heard. "We're not in class, Miss Blair, and my rules don't apply, especially in this lavatory." "Sorry... it was... just funny." Alex looked beautiful when she was laughing carelessly, as if all her problems had faded leaving only what remained, the base and the truth. She settled and took a breath. "So tell me, Miss Madsen, what kinda shit was so bad that you broke down? Was it anything like me?" "Oh no, much worse," she answered, playfully grim. "After I had a year with her, everything else was easy. You were a kitten; she was a tiger." "Yeah, right. Come on, nobody's that bad." Madsen's smile became eerie, the kind that said "I know more than you do", and with three words, she convinced Furious Hail that she was telling the truth. "Mabel Leah Fionn." Alexandra Blair froze in horror. Her eyes bulged, seeing Hitomi Madsen in a whole new light. "Are you serious? Firehands Fenrir? You tangled with Firehands Fenrir and lived to tell about it??!" "Tangled, and tamed," she answered, a bit proud. Blair gawked. "That's impossible! Firehands Fenrir was like, Satan with boobs! Yeah, no wonder you broke down on the first day! She does make me look like a kitten! Holy shit!! Are you serious?! How'd you handle it?" Madsen sighed deeply and stuck her hands in her pockets, looking a bit to the side, in the mirror. She had only aged two years since those early dark days, and though she looked no worse for wear, the experiences weighed on her. "I had help," she admitted, "from a very strong woman. Two women, actually: Miss Keeping and the Headmistress. Let me first say that Miss Marbel is even tougher than Mabel Fionn and I put together; she's seen things that would give anyone nightmares. Anyway, she knew Miss Fionn's weakness, and with Abby's—with Miss Keeping's help, I was able to subdue Miss Fionn's violence and tame her into a more proper lady." "What'd you do?" whispered Blair, entranced. Madsen took a deep, dark breath, recalling the event with sharp clarity. She could still feel it, even two years later. "I confronted Miss Fionn alone, after class, around early September. I had managed to gain everyone else's respect in that class by then, but she was still hostile. I had had enough of her, and it was time to bring out the dirty weapons. So after we exchanged some words, I undid my belt and folded it." "You beat her?!" "No," answered Madsen. She rolled up her sleeve, exposing her whole left arm, and tapped it with her palm. "I beat myself with it. I struck myself on the arm, where it's tender, and kept whipping myself in her presence. I did this about seven times before saying anything. 'Do you want me to go on?' I asked her, nostrils flaring and arm red. Even Mabel was shocked after seeing that, but before she could answer, I whipped myself again. I was relentless. I gave myself huge red welts that didn't heal for a month, and I think I even bled. I began to sweat and breathe intensely, but still I kept beating myself, demanding to know if I should go on. Finally she could take no more, and begged me to stop. She became rather obedient after that. "You see, Miss Blair, sometimes the strongest people have the biggest weaknesses, and Miss Fionn's was masochism. She couldn't stand people hurting themselves; Miss Keeping uncovered this and relayed it to me. I know what I did was extreme, but a desperate measure had to be taken. I had to tell her how serious I was, and that was the only way. I never beat myself again, and as for Miss Fionn, she graduated and became a respectable member of civilization. After that incident, I could handle anything." Alexandra Blair was aghast. She had known her teacher was tough and didn't take nonsense from anybody, but after hearing her horror story, she was stricken. Hitomi Madsen was beyond tough, she was fanatical. Not only did she show amazing strength of will, but she also never laid a hand on a student in spite of how much they deserved it. Blair began to think that, if she had continued her violent ways that first day, Madsen might've whipped out her belt and reenacted the scene from two years ago. She was rendered quiet, until at last she found something worth speaking. "Wow." Then, "I suddenly have an amazing feeling of respect towards you. Jeez... you're crazy. But I guess you'd have to be to be that devoted. Uh... well. I guess I owe you an apology for that first day. I'm sorry I acted like such a bitch, I just... was not going through a good time in my life. But now I think I can handle it after hearing your story!" Madsen smiled faintly, rolled her sleeve back, and touched her student's shoulder. "Good, I'm glad to hear it. And I'm glad I finally earned your respect, Miss Blair." "Yeah. Just one question, though. Why did you help me on that first day? Nobody else, well, really cared about me enough to stick it out, but you went the distance. Was it because of all the things that happened to you?" "Mm-hmm. You reminded me of myself around that time, so completely rebellious. Maybe I slept with that girl to spite my parents, and it certainly got the message across. I did turn out all right, but it took many years and a lot of discipline. I have a good feeling you won't need to work quite as hard as I had." "Are you kidding?" she murmured, smiling meekly. "You're way tougher than I am." "Well, I don't know. You live in Hell daily, as I've heard, and I've only made visits. You've endured more; that endurance makes you strong. I admire it." Blair grinned broadly, and took Madsen in her arms as she hugged her and thanked her for caring, for sticking it out, for being a proper teacher and mentor when everyone else just ignored her or called her a hopeless cause—for everything. Madsen returned the hug, but broke it after glancing at her watch. "Uh... I guess we'd better get back to class before the others start worrying. Do you think they've burned the room down?" "Nah, they're all good girls." The two women smiled and returned to the class, feeling refreshed and healed after the heart-to-heart. Madsen apologized for her absence, and paused at the trashcan where Alex had thrown her letter. She picked it up and folded it out, still able to make out the words. "I don't think we can save this paper, but do you mind if I make a copy, Miss Blair?" "Why? It's garbage, it belongs in the garbage can." "No, I don't think so. This poem is not hopeless." Blair blushed as she realized the full subtle scope of her teacher's meaning, and quietly permitted her to copy it to something cleaner. Victoria Grissom smiled as she looked over and saw the other woman with less of a burden on her shoulders; Ivory just looked, and felt dreadful. She knew who that poem had been aimed at. ......... "Uh, hey Haley." Blair stopped walking, crossed her arms, and turned around slowly. Ivory Tran was behind her, timid and penitent as she wrung her hands. "I guess I've been a real asshole, haven't I?" "Yeah..." "You didn't deserve that," she whispered, an apology of sorrow in her brown-blue eyes. "I'm sorry you felt like I treated you like shit. You deserved better than that, better than me. I'm changing, Haley, I really am. I'm making a lot of changes in my life. I guess I broke up with you because, uh... it was maybe the right thing to do." "How so?" "I was... wrong. It's an old bad habit of mine, sleeping around and playing with girls like they were toys. I've been trying really hard to lead a monogamous life—" "Because of Ancelin?" Ivory swallowed. "Yeah. And I couldn't be fooling around with you while I was going after her. Look, I know I've been scum, and I know I don't deserve either of you, but could you at least forgive me? Maybe slap me around if it makes you feel better?" Alexandra sighed, and though it was tempting, she didn't feel very violent after the talk with Madsen. Besides, after realizing that people actually cared whether she was breathing or not, she understood that there were better things to do than hold grudges against flings like Ivory. "I'll forgive you," she grumbled. Ivory gave a sigh of relief and bowed. "Thanks. You sure you don't wanna slap me around? I deserve it." "You do, but... sometimes we don't get what we deserve. I learned a little bit about grace today; I deserved a lot for acting like a bitch in front of Madsen, but she didn't punish me. I guess I oughta do the same for you." "Really? Jeez, you sure? Cuz' I don't mind at all. Really, take a whack at me!" She turned her head around, exposing her cheek for Blair to smack, but she declined. "Nah, no thanks. I don't wanna ruin it for when your girlfriend goes over to kiss it. Are you two together?" "...Sort of." "Then she'd be unhappy if I slapped you. Go on, you go after her. I don't care." "Oh. So... peace?" Ivory stuck out her hand, hoping for the best, and after some tentative shyness, Alex clasped the other girl's hand and sealed the deal. "Yeah, peace. I don't think I can ever see you as a friend, Ive, but at least we can be civil to each other. See ya later." "Oh, um, bye." Ivory made a little wave, and parted ways with Alex. Blair had a feeling that as soon as her back was turned, the wild woman would jump into Ancelin's arms and embrace her, but she no longer cared. Ivory just wasn't worth it. She had forgiven Ivory, but would Ancelin ever be able to forgive her? In her heart, Ancelin had, well before that day. ......... Students observed Furious Hail embracing Janet Keys lovingly, whispering her thanks to the matronly woman. Keys returned the hug, exchanged some words, and sent Hail to her seat. There was a definite lightness in the girl's step that day. She no longer walked like a condemned woman, but like someone who had reason to hope again, someone who had pulled out the knife from her chest and willed it into something more pleasant, like a box with an unknown present, or a paper just waiting for art. Corona Marcos greeted her with a shy smile. It broadened as Hail actually returned it. "Hey, Corona. Listen, I owe you an apology. I acted like a fucking asshole around you and I didn't mean it. I'm sorry if I hurt you." "It's all right. You weren't feeling well." "It's not all right, Corona. I was a horrible bitch, and I need to apologize." "Then I forgive you." Hail sighed in relief and smiled. "Thanks. Hey, nice picture. You making positive work for a change?" "Huh?" Marcos looked at her painting and smiled at just how happy it looked, contrasting her other work which had been nothing but gloom. "Uh, yeah, I guess so. I guess I was in the mood for something different." "Yeah?" Hail smiled, then reached for her easel and a brush. "Well, me too." The two smiled and went about their work; across the room, Ana Lu jabbed Rai Zanders with her elbow. "Rai! Check it out!" "Hmm? What?" "Those two over there!" she whispered. Rai glanced at them indifferently. "So?" Ana giggled. "So!! Corona and Haley sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" Zanders rolled her eyes. "Grow up." The end of "Resolutions" Stay tuned for the next chapter, "May and October"
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